There’s that moment when you think he’s going to kiss you, and you’re completely taken aback and more than a little disgusted, because eww- what part of mortal enemies isn’t he getting? It’s easy to put him down and run off, and you’re still so shaken by it later that you’re vulnerable for the next bad news.
There’s that moment when you’re crying in the yard and he sits next to you and pats your back uncomfortably, and you’re so confused that your despair only grows, because when have you reached the point that even the evil vampire is comforting you? You don’t know why he’s there, but you don’t have the energy to send him off. and so you let him shoulder your burden with you until you can go inside again. And you don’t need to say a word.
There’s that moment when he’s in your house, collecting pictures of you (probably to hand over to demon bounty hunters at Willy’s, you conclude later, but forget to retrieve them) and helping you fend off a demon. He pulls you up and there’s a jolt, a connection forged between the two of you that wigs you out and you quickly brush it off and run to your mother upstairs instead, forcing yourself to forget that bizarre moment.
There’s that moment when he’s standing beside you and Riley’s in front of you both getting a suckjob, and his fingers brush past yours gently as if to take hold of your hand. You yank it away, because you know that somehow, he’s trying to use this against you, and then you avoid him like the plague until the incident with the troll.
There’s that moment when he stares at you with awe because you’re trusting him with your family, which you’re not sure about at all. But he’s the only one who can protect them, and you know that he’s honorable enough not to hand your mother and baby sister over to Glory or any other demons. And that’s so disconcerting that it throws you off until you remember the way he mocked you earlier. He might be reliable, but he’s still a pig, and that’s somehow a relief.
There’s that moment when you’re hunting for Dawn together and he’s still snippy at you for blaming him for her disappearance, and you’re just so tired, so scared and worried for her that you don’t have the energy to fight with him. And then he comforts you, just like he’s done so many times lately, and you’re softening toward him until Glory calls him your boyfriend later. Then you’re just annoyed, and since there’s no point in being angry at someone you can’t beat up, you blame him instead. What gives him the right to act like you’re friends, anyway?
There’s that moment when you find the wrapped box of chocolates in your yard, right next to the tree where he usually lurks. That’s pretty scary, in a serial killer, killing-your-computer-teacher kind of way. Right? And you almost throw them out, but it’s a worse sin than all of his put together to get rid of good chocolate, so you sneak them up to your room and eat them after patrol the next night.
There’s that moment when he tells you he loves you, and then all the tentative steps you’ve made toward each other are gone, because he’s sick, disgusting, and if this is what comes from getting along with him, then you should have never started to begin with. You feel validated for locking him out when he chains you up and makes ultimatums, but that doesn’t stop his expression of disbelief when he hits your house’s barrier from shattering something inside of you. Damn him, doesn’t he know that he’s not supposed to have feelings?
There’s the moment when your lips touch his bloody and bruised ones, and you’ve never before felt an emotion so strong from another living being. He loves you, and it’s impossible to deny it now that his lips have met yours, now that he’s battered from protecting you and Dawn. It’s impossible to deny the shiver that runs through you at the thought of a love so intense, focused at you, and it’s impossible to think of little else for days afterwards.
There’s the moment he looks you in the eye and talks about what he’d do for someone he loves. You can’t look away from that beaten face and those earnest eyes, and something passes between you two that you think might be okay, after all. He isn’t lying when he’s said that he’s changed, and you think you’re learning to accept it. And if there weren’t so much going on right now…well, next time he shows up on patrol, maybe you won’t be so quick to yell him off.
There’s the moment when there’s a sword centimeters from your head and he’s hanging onto it for dear life, blood dripping from his palms as he looks down at you, and you hurt for him, for the pain in his eyes and all he’s gone through to keep you and Dawn safe. And you have the funny urge to give him another kiss, maybe a longer one than last time that might mean more than gratitude, but you’ve got more important things to worry about than the curve of his lips or how hollow his cheekbones get when he’s in agony.
There’s the moment when you’re looking down at him from the top of the stairs, listening to him thank you for treating him like a man, and you’re hit by a realization that sends you reeling. You could love him. Not now, maybe, not yet, but you know that he won’t stop trying…and you know with sudden clarity that someday, you’re going to let him in. Someday, you’ll love him with the same intensity that he loves you.
Someday, if you can make it through this one last fight.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Written for sb_fag_ends, prompt "chocolate."