He followed her, of course. He ran after her as soon as the third call of her name died on his lips. She turned the corner of the block and he passed it even quicker when he reached it. She was still running, to where he wasn’t sure but he wasn’t about to just let her go, things had gone belly up.
He wouldn’t let her get away from talking about this- even IF the thing she needed right now was space.
She couldn’t just keep scampering off when she didn’t want to face something, it wasn’t fair.
Spike knew that she’d realized that. He knew she had from her phone call earlier about their last fight. Personally he was still pissed she’d just disappeared back at the circle, and he had yet to yell at her about it and get through to her exactly just how scared she’d made him. But she knew. She’d been wrong, and she said she was sorry for it earlier today. Spike knew Buffy had decided to stop avoiding what she didn’t necessarily like discussing, but just when she was about to take the step and deal with a problem and talk it over, Joyce had spilled something damaging.
To say he was angry at the oldest Summers woman would be the most unjust and ridiculous form of understating he’d ever heard. He wanted to throttle Joyce.
But all he could do was gather up the stones to talk to (and possibly yell at) her later, and try and catch her fucking fast as hell daughter!
When did the girl get marathon legs?!
He kept following her, his feet stomping the pavement with unforgiving strength. He didn’t pay attention to anything else around him. Not the stares from people, not those who got in his way, not the little kids playing jump rope…
“Bloody- Ahh!” Spike tumbled. His feet got twisted up in the glittery purple rope and he fell face first onto the sidewalk.
His head shot up immediately, looking after Buffy as she got further and further away from him. Spike scrambled out of the damned toy that had gotten in his path. When a lady, presumably the mother of the tots who’d been jumping around and giggling, came up to him asking if he was okay all he answered with was a gruff “Yeah I’m fine.” before starting off again.
“Buffy!” He yelled as he sped after her. He was getting low on endurance, but she just kept on going.
I really need to quit smoking.
Buffy was actually gasping breath too, though. She was fast, and unfortunately, so was he. Her feet didn’t feel like they were hitting the ground at all with the desperation pumping through every vein, but her lungs needed more air.
Her knees quivered in thankful reprieve as she came to a halt, the girl taking as many breaths as was possible. She’d thought full speed ahead was supposed to be a nautical term or something!
She looked into the shop she’d stopped in front of, wondering if maybe she could find an escape inside.
Buffy’s head whipped to her right when she heard him call her name again. Only a few people out and about in the area, and she didn’t see Spike but she knew which corner he was about to turn. The girl plowed into the busy coffee shop without lasting hesitance, and tried to weave her way through the crowd of people. Why was it that NO ONE was outside?
Oh yeah, because it’s like a freaking oven out there. No wonder I’m so thirsty. Buffy thought to herself.
She thanked God for air conditioning as she squeezed by bodies in the tight space, trying to get to the women’s bathroom.
She heard the little bell ding on the front door and dared a quick glance behind her to accidentally make eye contact with her boyfriend. “Shit!” Buffy swore but no one paid attention. She frantically uttered “excuse me” to the people in her way, almost screaming when they didn’t seem to pay attention to that either.
She heard Spike call to her again. God this wasn’t fair. None of it was fair! He’d lied, they’d fought, she couldn’t get away, he wouldn’t leave her alone, her head hurt- Nothing was just.
He pushed through the crowd, not bothering with apologies. He didn’t care about the scowls he received, all he wanted was to get to Buffy.
The girl slapped her palm against the bathroom door in panic when she reached it, and her other hand immediately went to the door handle. Her breathing erratic and yet the ability to even use oxygen seemingly leaving her, she grabbed the lever and sobbed in relief when it wasn’t locked.
She slipped into the washroom just as he got close.
Spike beat against the wood when the entryway shut in his face. “Buffy!” He rattled the doorknob, cursing when it wouldn’t turn.
The man groaned, rolling his eyes when he realized people were staring. Bloody lovely. Someone approached who’d obviously seen everything, but she also didn’t seem too curious about the display of lion VS zebra. She just stood near the door, a curious glance made at Spike as she seemingly waited for…
That’s when he realized. Single restroom.
Spike swallowed and quickly moved through the groups of people, abandoning cool air for sweltering heat as the front door was pushed open. He stopped and frantically looked for- There it was.
The boy ran ahead and turned the alley corner, counting down three separate businesses before he found the back door and two windows to the busy café he’d just exited.
His nostrils flared.
Spike spotted and pulled up a random milk crate to sit on, mentally patting himself on the back for not wearing the duster today. It was bloody fucking hot out, and seeing as he’d probably be here for a while waiting for Buffy, he didn’t think black leather would feel too comfortable.
She had to come out of that bathroom some time, and it would have to be soon if it was a single restroom. People would need in and she wouldn’t leave through the door if she thought he was still in the coffee shop. She’d search for a thousand other possible escapes before doing that, and just as Spike thought- There was a window in the back.
He looked on at the opening from where he was seated. It was large enough for her to crawl her little bum through alright, and she’d try it. He had no doubt.
***
It was raining now, she could hear it. The walls were solid and the crowd of customers inside the café walked with light steps, their voices muffled by the distance of a room. She’d been in her little hideaway for twenty minutes. Four people had knocked and disturbed the girl, but none of their voices matched the one whose she so desperately worried over hearing.
Her cries thankfully were not loud enough to be heard by those awaiting her departure. Once she’d entered the washroom she had only been able to swallow the tears for as long as it’d taken her to lock the door.
Her nose runny, her eyes surely bloodshot, and the tightness of her throat choking her like the betrayal she felt within. The cuts that bled from her mom’s deceit and supposedly thoughtful (but what felt selfish) consideration. The ache of her boyfriend’s sudden need to cosset her and conceal possibly painful information, when what she’d always expected of him was the exact opposite.
That’s what kept getting thrown in her face to the point where she just wanted to spit at the fact and say, “No! You can’t be true!”- Spike’s duplicity. Yes it’d only been a day, and maybe, just maybe he would have told her sooner or later- but there shouldn’t have been any question about it! He should’ve explained to her mother right off the bat that “No. I’m sorry Mrs. Summers, but I can’t keep this from Buffy. Either you tell her or I will.”
Yeah he’d just gotten off the hook for punching Angel, but didn’t he realize that this was one of those things that couldn’t wait? Her mom hadn’t trusted Buffy enough to include the girl in something in her life that every daughter should at least KNOW ABOUT, and instead of doing the smart thing Spike had gone along with the unfair deception. The deception that made Buffy feel like a naive child.
She rubbed her nose and flinched at the action, her skin was sensitive. She stood from her place on the cold tile, pressing her palm to her forehead. She walked over to the sink, an image of a pitiful and childish teenager standing before her. Buffy let her hair down, gently rubbing the smeared mascara lines from her cheeks and scowling a little. She was angry. Not only at her boyfriend and her mother, but at herself too. She knew what she was doing.
She was overreacting over something most girls her age probably wouldn’t even care about; or rather they’d “understand”, or they’d be happy and grateful over such… protectiveness from her loved ones. But Buffy wasn’t like that. Call her a brat, call her stupid and a drama queen- What Spike and her mom did HURT.
She felt like Joyce didn’t want her to be a part of this, like the woman felt burdened or mistrustful of Buffy’s presence and possible involvement. And Spike- SPIKE had betrayed her in more ways than just trying to shield her from crap. This wasn’t like she’d been physically threatened, or it was a “better left unsaid” deal; he’d deliberately kept something from her because he didn’t think she could “handle” it.
Buffy’s mouth twisted again as her eyes overflowed. Why couldn’t he just have told her, then she wouldn’t be questioning everything. Was she so weak and fragile that no one could allow her the respect of hearing the truth? Or was it that people preferred to just keep things from her rather than try explaining them to an ignorant little girl? Was she that much of a burden?
She took a deep breath and a couple of seconds later let it out slow and evenly, as one did when trying to grasp a sense of calm. Another knock sounded on the door followed by an impatient female voice.
“Just a- just a minute!” Buffy unsteadily called.
She needed to get out of there, without drawing attention to herself. She was sure Spike was still in the main part of the café and she was determined to stay out of his sight.
The teen looked around the bathroom and spotted a window overhead. It was high up but she could stand on the sink ledge and reach it. Buffy went to the door first before attempting her climb.
She very quietly and slowly turned the latch of the lock, listening hard for any signs of an awaiting party noticing her move. When nothing sounded and the door was now open for people to use once she was gone, Buffy went to the sink. She checked that the glass was dry so she wouldn’t slip, and rolled her eyes at her flips flops; not exactly climbing shoes.
The girl sniffled again and blinked hard, willing away anymore tears. If she concentrated hard on her task at hand she could succeed with stopping the water works.
“I must be crazy.” She muttered to herself as her folded legs leaned against the brick of the wall. The window was small, but wide enough for her to wiggle through and brace her hands on the sill. She unlatched the glass and opened it, her eyes peering into the storm. It was raining hard. There was lightning, and thunder to accompany that. She looked down and smiled when she found a closed dumpster that could be used to break her fall, though. She was going to have to go face first after all.
Buffy set her hands about two and a half feet apart from each other, lunging forward and successfully making her head out the opening. She grunted involuntarily, squeezing her arms through the small space to grip the outside of the ledge. She blinked as the rain pounded down on her face. God, why hadn’t she put her ponytail back in her hair!
Buffy cursed as she slowly and meticulously wriggled through the window, planting as much of her own body against the side of the external wall as possible. When her fingertips reached the dumpster’s cover and her ankles were hooked on the indoor ridge of the windowsill, she took a breath. The teen tried hard not to close her eyes as she let her body slip from her position and onto the metal lid. The wet and slanted metal lid.
Buffy couldn’t help her shriek when she hit the dumpster rather hard. The girl rolled off of it, in record time she was sure, and landed in a soggy heap on the cement. Her hair stuck to her neck and cheeks, her lips kissed the ground and her head hurt from being upside down for so long. She groaned, and absently wondered how the hell both of her flip flops had managed to stay on during that whole little endeavor.
“Good plan Buffy.” The girl mocked in personal reprimand.
She started to push herself up when all of a sudden, the drenched alley ground left her sight.
His hands clutched her upper arms fiercely, dragging her off the pavement and into his chest.
For some reason the pavement hadn’t felt as cold.
Panicked green met fuming blue, but soon both stares were heated. Buffy squirmed in his embrace, furiously trying to get free.
“What the bloody hell is the matter with you?!” He screamed. “You coulda broken your neck!” Yes he’d known she’d come out of that window, but watching her do it and flop onto the hard asphalt like a fish made him realize just how stupid a move it was. Now he looked at her in rage that she could’ve gotten seriously hurt.
Spying on her as she vainly twisted to get out of that little opening didn’t seem as funny to him as it had a minute ago.
“Let me go!” Buffy continued trying to get away, finally pushing Spike off of her just long enough to flee. He grabbed her again though, sending any patience she might have had for the man to hell. “Why can’t you leave me alone?!” She yelled into the distance, this time her voice sounding almost like a sob amidst the pouring rain.
He spun her around. His hair was as soaked as hers, tangled and messy. He almost looked ready to cry, and the distress on his face made her just a little happy. His misery still hurt her heart though- and that made her even angrier.
“We need to talk!”
“Yeah because NOW seems like just the right time!” She sarcastically bellowed, gesturing to the violent sky.
“If you’d stop running away-”
“I don’t want to talk to you!” She pulled away again, only to be tugged flush against his soaking chest, their noses almost touching as he lifted her slightly off the ground.
“Well I do!”
“Like I care!”
His eyes flared what she swore was amber, and his jaw tightened. “If you’d just bloody listen!”
“Listen to what?!” She screeched. “Listen to all your heartfelt excuses as to why you lied to me! Why you didn’t tell me something you KNEW I deserved to be told!”
“It wasn’t my fucking business, Buffy! It was an accident me finding out about your mum, alright?! I didn’t mean to-”
“Oh yeah I know!” The tears were stinging behind the rage she felt, and she thanked her body for the vulnerability blocking adrenaline rush. “She told me everything okay?! You don’t need to RE-explain it! As a matter of fact, we don’t have to talk about it at all!” She unexpectedly shoved out if his arms again, for he’d relaxed his grip when she’d stopped struggling a moment before.
“I’m sorry! Never wanted you to get hurt! That was the exact thing I was tryna avoid, Buffy! Can’t you see that?!”
“I can see that you lied to me- And will you cut the crap about me ‘getting hurt’?! That’s what I’m mad about you jackass!”
Spike’s nostrils twitched as he took a rushed breath, his shoulders moving with the intake. The Brit’s fists were clenched at his sides, and even though he wanted shake her until she understood, he knew that grabbing her again would only close her off more. “I was beating myself up for hours about this! You just think that the choice I made was easy?! Fuckin hell Buffy, who knows if I’d even a been able to keep it! I didn’t WANT to hide anything from you!”
She went to run a hand through her hair, only to feel it get stuck within the soaked tresses. She was so tongue tied, how was she supposed to make him understand?! “You decided I couldn’t handle it. Well thanks SO much for the confidence Spike! I thought people around me trusted me, but I guess I was wrong. Silly of me to think that my mom and my boyfriend might actually think me capable of handling a little change in my life!”
“Well you’re not exactly taking the news very well now are you?” He asked irritated. Sure it was a low blow, and quite unfair, but he was pissed off too. She wouldn’t even TRY to see things from his perspective!
“Are you fucking kidding me?! I’m mad because I’m hurt you idiot!”
“We didn’t want to hurt you!”
She laughed bitterly. “Well, pretty fucking ironic how that worked out huh?” The girl rubbed her wet forehead. It was hot as hell out, beyond humid, and pouring down rain. She felt like shit.
“You don’t think it was hard for me to keep this from you?!” He stepped closer. “The ONLY reason I decided not ta tell you was because if I did, then you’d be upset and hate your mum for not tellin you herself! I knew tha Joyce would tell you at some point, an I figured it was better f’you just found out later rather than from me!”
She looked up into his eyes then. She believed him, but oh god she was still angry. “You are an inconsiderate moronic asshole!”
His eyes bugged. “Inconsiderate?! How the fuck do you come to that conclusion?!”
“F’you’d really wanted to be fair, you would have told her to tell me!”
“I did! She didn’t listen! She just said that it was between you. and her. That I wasn’t s’posed to get in the way! I didn’t have a right, Buffy!”
“Yes you did! As my boyfriend, as the man who loves me, you had a right! You had a right to tell her that you would tell me if she didn’t do it herself!”
Spike rolled his eyes heavenward and blinked rapidly. His contacts hurt and it was getting hotter by the second. The rage inside of him refused to be beat down at all. “I’m sorry! I will never, ever keep something like this from you again, alright?! I was just trying to protect you!”
“You’re not supposed to protect me! You’re supposed to make me stronger! Y- You’re supposed to HELP me deal with stuff that hurts, not shield me from all of it!”
“Bollocks I’m not supposed to protect you! What would you have done if you’d been in my shoes?!”
Buffy’s silence told Spike that his words hit home. She didn’t have a ready answer. She frowned hard and even with the rain attacking her face, he saw tears well up stubbornly in her eyes.
“I would have told you!” Her announcement sounded like a whimper, a plea, and an argument all in one. “It would’ve taken me time to decide but I would have told you- And your dad that I was going to tell you!” Her voice rose as she stood in the storm, her face hollowed by the grey sky’s dirty light. “How would you have felt if I hadn’t a told you?!”
Spike swallowed and looked down. He knew how he would feel. Deceived, betrayed, probably like he wasn’t very... important. The male looked up again at his girlfriend, a light dawning.
He made another step forward, taking Buffy’s hands in his and holding them. He thanked whoever was listening that she didn’t pull away from him. “You’re not nothing to me. You’re everything, you understand?” His tone was strong, almost forceful. “And your mum, she didn’t tell you cuz she didn’t want you to think what you’re thinkin right now, that you’re unimportant to her. She loves you Buffy, we both do.”
The woman’s bottom lip quivered. “And yet no one could tell me, I’m that much of an inconvenience that neither of you coulda just come and- and fucking explained things?”
“Do I have to bloody well say it again? It was so you wouldn’t get h-”
“Hurt! Yeah I know okay!” She yelled again. “But if I was gonna be told later anyway why didn’t you two- or at least HER, why didn’t she tell me?!”
Spike stood silent as he watched her start to fall apart. “Why- Why didn’t she tell me Spike? Why didn’t YOU tell me, why was it easier to just not bother including me in anything- i-in any of THIS?!” She was openly crying now, but she refused to fall and simply weep, she was too pissed, too confused, too willful for that.
He got as close to her as he could, his face dipping down next to hers as he simply held her hands and placed his forehead against the girl’s. “Please try and understand-”
“I am trying! I’ve been TRYING, Spike!” She yelled again, but didn’t move, instead stared into his eyes even though her sight was blurring. “And I don’t get it! I don’t get how I can be such a burden to her that she didn’t even WANT to tell me about Drake, or whatever the hell his name is! And I don’t get how YOU felt you were protecting me by doing some- something I NEVER thought you’d do!”
“I’m sorry.” He professed, his voice almost desperate. “I made a mistake, you don’t even know how much shite I went through tryin to choose whether or not I should tell you!”
“Oh, fuck you!” She violently whined the curse, her throat scratching at the words and Spike’s jaw clenching too.
“You know I’m tellin you the truth!” He spoke, loudly.
“And yet you’re apologizing!” She yelled again.
Spike growled in frustration and anger. He seized her shoulders and pushed her back into a wall quicker than the girl could blink, his knuckles scraping brick with the contact. She winced. “Do you realize how much it hurt to know I’d have to lie to you?” He was right in her face.
“Oh it hurt YOU?!” She asked, almost sounding offended.
“YES!” He bellowed. “I bloody well went nuts tryna deal with the guilt of it okay?! I didn’t WANT to lie to you Buffy! I didn’t WANT to do that, I NEVER wanted to do that! And I promise you, I swear on my mother’s grave that no matter what, I will never keep something like this from you again or hide the truth just because I think it’s easier. But you’ve gotta understand why I did it this time!”
Her eyes poured just as the raindrops did, and her clothes stuck to her skin. Spike’s face beheld desperation and Buffy’s showed how lost she felt. The things he laid out for her, and tried to make clear with all of his force, ripped away the steady emotion of rage she’d been able to hang onto. Her footing was gone, and she felt like a tightrope walker looking on at somebody holding a pair of scissors who was ready to sever her stability. “I do, okay?” She offered pitifully. “I do! I just don’t get anything else and I don’t feel like- Spike I don’t feel safe right now. A-And I always feel safe when you’re around. I don’t want you t-t-to lie to me again. Please! I can’t take that- I can’t take THIS again!”
God she was just bare for him. Why she was never so exposed for anyone else she didn’t know.
“Never, never!” He leaned in and took her face in his hands. Her message broke his heart. His voice became almost helpless, and there were pleading whimpers in his words. “Never Buffy I swear it! God please please, I don’t wanna lose you!” And he meant it more than in just the sense of labels. As his lips claimed hers Buffy responded immediately, needing it, needing him. She knew he needed her too.
His arms enveloped her form, tugging at her skin and ribcage. She stood on tiptoes as she pulled his mouth harder into her own, the water droplets shielding them from the rest of the world. Their lips journeyed a familiar path and their tongues devoured, grips on one another’s bodies had never been tighter. He was holding onto everything he could, her heart and trust. Buffy was looking for reassurance in his strength and pledge of comfort, the stability she hoped to still feel simply by being near him.
His calloused hands pulled futilely at her shirt, Buffy realized it and quickly directed her hands to his belt. With their mouths still kissing, Spike undid the slippery buttons on her clothing and by the time his fly was open her shorts were already halfway down.
He dropped to his knees and swiftly discarded his girl’s denims, moving back up to her lips. She clutched at him desperately, only separating as often as she needed air.
Spike pulled her underwear out of the way with his fingers and freed his cock. He dipped low enough to enter her, and she gasped into his mouth at the intrusion. Her hands clawed unmercifully at his scalp and wet curls. Her inner muscles welcomed his presence and she moaned when he thrust home. His teeth nipped at her ferociously, her nails doing damage to soaked skin. “Yes Spike…”
The pleasure rippled through them both, the connection tingled their nerves and fed the heat. He started pounding in and out of her. His hands found the wall and hers found his neck. They were body to body, and the rain that seemed to never wane in its pummeling continued to drench them.
Their kisses were messy until the couple separated, sufficing for touching their foreheads together. Spike’s eyes were focused on hers. He would always hold her, love her, protect her; and he needed her to believe that. He didn’t want to hurt the girl, but God he had and it was all because he’d tried not to. He knew what he’d done was blind, and he’d try his damndest to never harm her again.
“You’re safe. With me, Buffy. You’re always safe.” He panted, his voice deep and ragged.
She nodded, not able to cry anymore. She was slowly reaching a place between here and gone, a place of safe haven and a shaky unknown. She was figuring out the hardships that came with being so in love you could barely breathe. The counting you did on another person and how easily it was to be hurt by their actions. She had known about these things, all of the dangers that accompanied love’s bliss, she’d felt them before. Except never had her heart been so severely tied to another.
With his eyes still locked on hers, his harsh and yet steady drives into her body, his complete openness pouring through to her heart, Buffy couldn’t help but let her feelings out. Couldn’t help showing Spike her raw and undisguised self, the girl that had been in hiding ever since the talk with her mom. She took a breath and allowed the threats and the promises to enter her whole. She gave her entire soul to the man again, like when she’d first uttered those three little words to him that day that felt so far in the past.
“I love you. I- I trust you- ah!”
His eyes brightened beneath the brutal rainwater, and he kissed her hard, beginning to move faster and severer. The second he pulled away Buffy’s head slammed backwards into the brick, her eyes rolling up in her head as the strokes he made brought ecstasy to her in a gift wrapped package. “Oh my god!”
He placed his hand on the back of her head, tugging her closer to him so as to whisper heavily in her ear. “I love you! I love you so fuckin much, Buffy- Never leave you, promise promise promise…” His pledges tapered off. The man’s right palm traced her hip and waist reverently, barely touching; in contrast to the force he used while pressing his lips to where he still murmured desperately. “Christ my darlin girl, I love you.”
She moved her leg to his waist, wrapping it around him as her flip flop fell off and she kept meeting him thrust for ever powerful thrust. “I love you, too! I love you so m- much, Spike. Won’t hurt you, love you.” She gasped, arching her back as she gripped his neck and left crescent moon shapes in his flesh.
He palmed her breast through the soaked shirt, finding her pointed nipple easily and flicking it roughly. Her earned a lovely squeal for his efforts, and he continued the brutality whilst suckling at her neck.
“Oh God yes! Yes! Holy, unh! Fuck me- harder, yeah right there!” Her demands were gladly met, but she only whimpered more. “Oh my god, yes Spike! Fuck! Ung! Please, oh God please don’t stop!”
His control snapped at her words. Her pussy was drenching him, her skin was enticing him, and her voice was pleading him.
The hand he had in her hair tugged her forward again, the one on her breast moved to Buffy’s clit. His gaze fastened on hers. “That’s my girl! Mine! Mine to love, mine to take care of? Isn’ tha right?”
“Yes baby, ung! God yesss…” She squeezed him internally, her nails scaling their way back to his bleached curls.
He growled against her, moving his hips faster and faster. “Your hot little cunt’s just begging for this isn’ it? Begging to be fucked.”
“Yes!” She couldn’t help to do anything else but agree.
“You like my cock inside you? Fucking your tight lil quim? Like to come all over me, soak me in your juices, right babygirl?”
The low coarseness of his voice was doing so much to her, and his fingers slowly massaging her clitoris made the over stimulation almost painful, but she couldn’t stop from begging for more. “Yes! I’m all yours- ah! O-Only yours, Spike. Oh-guh! Please, harder! Take me harder!” She sobbed the ending pleas.
“Damn right only mine!” He snarled. “I’m the ONLY one who gets to touch you! Gets to taste your delectable little pussy. Gets to feel you surroundin me, feel your walls squeezin me. Get’s to fuck you.” He placed his forehead to hers once more, coming closer and closer to the brink. “Gets to love you.”
She came undone. Her toes curling at his words, his cock buried inside her, his slippery fingers touching her. The hollow of the alleyway filled with her screams. Spike ruptured a second later. His spendings released within her clamping walls and his shouts concealed within the thunder.
Their bodies moved rapidly together, in sync and heated. Their labored breaths accompanied the pouring rain like an added sound effect, and when their stares met again, so did their lips.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Here's 33! Enjoy :)
Chapter End Notes:
Thank you all so so much for the reviews! Hugs all around! Please keep up with the feedback!
(not gonna lie the dirty talk kept me busy, it was hard to write! I hope it didn't sound cheesy!)
Btw again, as you read, possessive Spike takes a leading role in my writing :)
(not gonna lie the dirty talk kept me busy, it was hard to write! I hope it didn't sound cheesy!)
Btw again, as you read, possessive Spike takes a leading role in my writing :)