Author's Chapter Notes:
CHAPTER PAIRING: Buffy/Spike, Dawn & Spike

DISCLAIMERS: All BtVS characters are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Productions. I'm just fixing their mistakes! Ha!

CHAPTER CREDITS: A line from the Buffy episode "School Hard"

AUTHOR'S CHAPTER NOTES: I realize I took some liberties with the Angel episode "The Girl in Question" in this chapter, but please keep in mind that what Giles is relaying is what HE 'knows' from Andrew...so that explains the discrepancies between what was actually going on and what is being portrayed in my story. And, again, I apologize for any hiccups felt in the Giles section; I continued to have difficulties expressing him the way I wanted.
.

It's just more bullshit, Buffy thought.

Giles was finally spilling his guts and telling her what he knew about Spike's return. She was not surprised to find out that it would have something to do with that awful amulet. Was she supposed to be happy now that he had worn it instead of Angel? She was torn over that, as there was no telling if things would have been worse. Would Angel have insisted on staying to close the Hellmouth as Spike did? Spike was nothing if not persistent, stubborn; Angel himself warned her all those years ago that "once he starts something he doesn't stop until everything in his path is dead". Spike sure followed through on that in Sunnydale. She'd have never guessed back in high school when Angel told her about Spike that he, not Angel, would be the one who saved them all.

"I sent Andrew to L.A. to bring back a disturbed slayer. When he returned, that's when I found out that Spike was back."

"But, why didn't he come for us?" Dawn cried. "For Buffy?" She was still standing behind the couch, on the periphery, shaking.

Giles wouldn't look at her as he thought up an appropriate response.

"He tried, didn't he?" Buffy asked the Watcher, feeling her blood pressure rise again.

"I..." Giles began, thinking. "After the spell Willow did in Sunnydale, I knew I had to keep you..." He looked up at Buffy then. "...the Slayer... protected."

Hearing that line, Buffy glared at him. "And?"

"He and Angel went to Rome to find you."

"Rome? But I've never even been to Italy!"

"I know. Andrew's apartment became your home. You were living in Rome and with the Immortal. That way, no one would dare attack you." Buffy was not supposed to know of this plan, but being forced to reveal it to her now didn't make it any less brilliant. He had successfully kept all sorts of nasties from catching up with her because of this.

Buffy's mouth had gone from a thin line to a gaping wound. "You...? You!"

Dawn didn't know what this all meant, but judging from Buffy's reaction, this was not a helpful move.

"Who is this Immortal person that I'm supposedly with?" Oh, she was pissed. Here the guy she wanted to be with was searching for her and she's being portrayed as some cheap whore who moved on with barely a few months past his incredible sacrifice.

Giles felt a bit of embarrassment at this part of his plan, but he wanted to make her imaginary life in Rome as realistic as possible for the demons who might be after her, thinking she was weakened from Willow's spell. It wasn't a secret to the demon world that Buffy had a penchant for vampires; her relationships with Angel and Spike were what forced him to have to come up with this part of the plan. Hooking up with the Immortal was the next best thing to the Master, who everyone knew was destroyed, or Dracula, who everyone knew was otherwise occupied. "He's an old and powerful master vampire. Feared and revered by all."

Buffy looked like she might be sick.

"I... You have to believe that I tried, Buffy. I tried the best I could to keep you safe, alive."

Dawn began to cry now, the extent of loss finally hitting her. This elaborate lie kept their lives in purgatory.

Tears threatened to spill from Buffy's eyes as well, but she grit her teeth, forcing them back for now. "So, explain to me how you don't know where Spike is."

Again, with reluctance, Giles told her about the battle in L. A. He, himself, had few details on what actually happened other than Angel had survived and Spike was assumed to have also made it. But no one had heard anything from the younger vampire. He wasn't in Los Angeles anymore, but that left the rest of the world.

The betrayal Buffy felt upon hearing the full tale was too much. When she found that her thoughts had turned to physically harming her Watcher, she knew it was time to leave. Dawn was still crying behind her, and Buffy didn't know how quickly that sound would push her into the 'no return' zone.

"If it's too late, Giles... If I've lost him again..." She had to take a breath to steady her voice. "You'd better channel Ripper, because I promise you... nothing less will save you from me."

She left him with that thought and the cruel sound of her anguished voice repeating those words over and over. He clutched his broken glasses and didn't move from the floor, shedding the first tears he'd had since the deaths of Jenny and Joyce.




"I... uh... I think it might be too late," Stan's voice crackled over Spike's phone.

This, of course, was not the answer Spike wanted to hear. "And why is that, mate?" He barely held back the irritation in his words.

Tara trembled next to him as he held the phone in such a way that she was able to hear everything being said. This couldn't be good.

"Well, she's..." There was a muffled whining from Puddles in the background. "Hold on."

At that, the connection ended.

Spike and Tara looked at the phone and then at each other.

A few moments later, his cell phone beeped as a text came through. Spike opened it to find a fuzzy photo of Madame Polina. She was sitting upright on her velvet loveseat but staring straight ahead at nothing, her eyes grey and dead.

"What does that mean?" Tara whispered, clearly frightened. The zombified look on this woman's face horrified her. And, not only that—this was their final hope for Willow.

Spike rubbed at his temple as the phone rang again.

"So...umm... I... what do I do?" Stan asked, flustered and uncomfortable. Puddles was still whimpering.

"Don't move," Spike sighed. "I'm on my way."




"Do you think he's moved on?" Buffy asked her sister meekly.

They were huddled together on Buffy's bed, having cried themselves into exhaustion after the painful discovery at Giles's apartment. Each of the Summers women were being tortured by the full range of emotion over the news of Spike's existence—guilt, despair, anger, betrayal, loss and also longing, joy, hope, and love. It was a sensory overload, and they didn't know what to do to absorb it all other than clutch each other and cry shared tears.

"Buffy, he never moved on from you before, not even when you were dead," Dawn replied, wiping her knuckles against her eyes. That summer, so long ago, would always remain a clear memory. If she had ever doubted Spike's love for Buffy, that summer proved her wrong.

"But, the Immortal? God, what he must have thought!"

The exasperation in Buffy's voice was choked a little by the duskiness from having spent the day either yelling or sobbing. Could Giles have found any worse a way to make Spike suffer? She had never admitted to him that she used Spike for so long, toyed with emotions that she knew, despite her protests, were true. The only one she shared that info with was Tara, and Tara would betray no one. When Spike had left Sunnydale after the whole bathroom incident, Buffy woke up to what she had been doing. The thought of him never returning made her promise herself that she would change. She had taken him for granted in so many ways, drove him to prove to her that he was, in fact, a demon—because she couldn't accept that he could feel for her the way he did without a soul. (Because, look at how Angel was without a soul! Oh, what a fool she was.)

But when Spike did return, it was more difficult than she ever thought it would be. The knowledge that he had gone off to face impossible feats in order to change himself, yet again, for her made her scared. No one had ever risked everything, really risked everything, for her love. How do you handle that sort of offering? She approached it so tentatively, not realizing just how little time they had left. After he closed the Hellmouth, she made herself another one of those wishful promises—that if only he'd return, she'd be everything he ever wanted and needed. She wouldn't let him go again. Only, now that he had returned, Giles made the decision for her. Giles and... Angel. Even with a soul, Angel was manipulative and torturous.

"Ow," Dawn squeaked.

Buffy opened her eyes and realized that she was clutching Dawn's arms far too tightly.

"I'm mad too," the younger sister said in empathy. "He... he never knew that I forgave him. That I still loved him." She stopped for a moment, looking into Buffy's eyes through tears. "Maybe... maybe if he knew that, he'd have fought to get us back." Dawn tucked her head under Buffy's, hoping not to cry again.

Buffy gathered her sister close, feeling a sense of kinship she hadn't before, despite their struggles. Dawn was too "new" to Buffy when their mother died for her to share her grief. But with Spike, the relationship between all of them was relatively equal, the connections made on similar levels.

"Then, maybe we need to go fight to get him back?"

Dawn looked up at Buffy, hopeful. Her trembling eyes said 'really? You mean me helping, too?'

The frown that had been on Buffy's face these past months slowly morphed to a slim smile—or as close as she could get to one.





You must login (register) to review.