Author's Chapter Notes:
Alright, so I'm a bit happier with this chapter than I was with the last. I really hope you all like it! Also, thanks for the reviews and for still reading! *smoochies*
Herbs, nature, and centering yourself. Believing, and the ability to focus and draw from the air what this Earth holds; a power. If you know how to do it, you've got magick.

This is what Stevo, and Spike as well, told her; though the first explained it a bit better.

It all sounded like something out of The Craft or Practical Magic, a couple of witchy movies Buffy had once seen a long time ago. She had compared what Stevo was explaining to those films, and he'd told her (with a chuckle) that it might be easier to understand if thought of in such ways, but it wasn't quite the same. However, he did say those movies had a more realistic view on magick than he had seen in many other Hollywood tales.

That wasn't saying she believed any of it, of course. Though Buffy hadn't anything to help DISprove it...

The girl looked down at the icy glass of pink lemonade in her hands. Stevo's lesson, and Spike's "wear the bracelet" preaching, had ended about twenty minutes ago. She couldn't say she'd left the discussions a believer, all ready to go out and get herself a Book of Shadows, but she was currently flipping through Stevo's gypsy journal thing.

It was both freaky and interesting. After finally conceding to keep the bracelet that glowed, and thanking Stevo for taking the time to discuss everything with her, they'd ended the whole conversation on a positive note, Buffy felt.

Both Spike and him knew she was stubborn- she wasn't sure how Stevo already had it figured out, but he had -and so the encouraging part of the conversation focused more around getting her to keep the bracelet rather than convincing her it was actually spellbound. Which was fine, and Buffy had finally relented; because if the bracelet, hypothetically, WAS magick... then it was what they'd told her: Not dangerous. Natural. Shielding.

And if it wasn't then it didn't matter that she keep it.

But- and Buffy didn't want to admit it -somehow she trusted, believed in the little amber stone.

She had a feeling she wouldn't be getting nightmares for a long while.

"Hey, lamb."

The soft hello drew her focus away from the book, and she let an aged page fall from her fingertips. The paper dropped like a feather upon the others.

Spike walked up behind her. She could've felt him even if he wasn't so close. As it was, his chest brushed her back and his eyes focused on her profile. "You still lookin through that thing, then?"

Buffy nodded. After the talking she'd staunchly asked if she could scan through the journal. It had drawn her focus in the moment Stevo first showed it to her.

Spike had gotten her the drink that she now placed on the nearby table, little beads of condensation raining down the sides. She'd been alone with the book for about ten minutes and she wasn't even making a dent in the information stored. Mostly she was simply looking at drawn pictures and reading through supposed spells. Not many of which she believed worked, but still for some reason seemed interesting to her. She wasn't done with twenty pages even yet.

"You believe any of it?"

The murmur sent chills up and down her neck, through her whole. Buffy swallowed. "Not really." Sighing, she pushed off the table the journal sat atop and turned around, Spike's arms trapping her. "I mean, it all sounds like fairytales to me... even the bracelet."

He pursed his lips as disappointment flashed behind his eyes, which made her frown.

"Thought you were comin 'round to the idea of that," he said.

"I am. It's just... I don't know, it's a cool idea but if I believe in that, then I have to believe in other stuff, too, right?"

His brows drew together. "What other stuff?"

Buffy sighed again, and picked up the book. She showed him an illustration of something with a tail and two heads, beneath a cursive written name she couldn't pronounce. "This stuff. I- I mean who's to say this thing doesn't exist if magical jewelry does?"

Spike's throat constricted, and he had to swallow past a lump in his throat. Looking down at the page she held open, he said, "What if... If it were true, things like this-" he pointed to the picture, tapping it with a fingernail, "Could you live in a world like that?"

She stared straight into his eyes when he dared make that contact again, and while she seemed to study him, Spike resisted the urge to fidget. Waiting for an answer, he knew that if his body needed oxygen, he would've passed out by now. His unbeating heart felt like it was perched at the edge of a cliff and suddenly, the overwhelming need to tell her what he was, everything he knew and the world they both lived in, was suffocating.

Buffy blinked a few times quickly, her green-hazel eyes colored with indecision and something else that looked a little bit like fear or wonder. Spike couldn't tell which.

Then she said, "Does it matter?" with a shrug. Setting the journal back down, Buffy's expression told him nothing he needed to know. Her face was wistful and her body relaxed. She had no idea...

"Buffy, I um-..." She turned to face him, a question in those beautiful eyes, and Spike locked his jaw.

This wasn't fair, to her, to him. And he couldn't take it. She was in a house with six supernatural creatures, and she'd entrusted her secrets to the evilest of that group. It was time he tell her his. Even if it scared her, Spike had to believe she'd come back to him.

He had to.

"Yeah?"

"I have somethin to tell you."

She smiled a little as she stepped closer and looked up at him. "What, you've got magick earrings to give me now?"

"Not exactly, love."

"Well then what is it?"

His lips shook as the words formed over them. He spilled a secret... then another; one, two, three... "Things like that picture DO exist, Buffy." Another weight fell on his chest, she started shaking her head, took a step back... "The bracelet... it's real. I swear to you it's real..." She denied the things he told her, called him crazy... He grabbed the book, flipped through it, showed her one picture, then another, described things that weren't written down. Spilling knowledge he shouldn't have... "There are supernatural things that exist, pet. They're everywhere." He slammed the book when she yelled at him to stop it, his jaw clenching... He grabbed her hand. "There are demons, things that aren't human..." He pressed her palm against his chest, and urged her with his eyes but didn't dare say what he thought she would be able to feel. "I'm not human, Buffy."

She pushed him back. "What in the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I'm tellin you the truth!"

"No! No, you aren't!" She ran a hand through her hair, trying to stop this feeling inside her from exploding. It seemed like shock but she couldn't quite be sure. "What are you trying to do with all of this, Spike? Throwing out random crap about creatures a-and demons- Like I'm gonna believe all that stuff." She met his eyes and took a deep breath. "And saying you're not..." a hopeless laugh escaped, she rolled her eyes, "It's insane!"

Spike ground his teeth together, holding back emotions that were beating against him with their need to be let out. His throat felt tight, his eyes burned and his temper had already been lost. He was two seconds away from exploding. "I'm not lying to you."

She felt an unnerving tingle run up her arms from the tone of his voice, the way he'd grit that sentence out. Buffy lifted her chin, her voice laden with a shrill quality as she spoke. "Okay... Okay, so you're not HUMAN?" She dropped her arms in a helpless gesture at her sides, challenge lacing her words. "What ARE you then?"

Something changed in his posture, something significant left that hard-edged face. His eyes, dazzling and blue, became sharp, determined. His footsteps as he neared resembled nothing close to his natural swagger, but became more of a stalk, and the advance made Buffy uneasy. His resolve and purpose were clear, his goal was not.

Buffy didn't break eye contact. In fact, her nerve and courage rose in the face of danger. "You say all these supernatural things exist- That you're one of them," she scoffed. "Do you turn into a werewolf on full moons? Are you immortal or something? Ooh, or maybe you can fly!" Her tone became more condescending as he came closer. "Wait, wait, no I got it. You're actually a ghost, right? Because if that's true, I gotta be honest, you fooled me! I can touch you and everything. Or are ghosts actually solid and all the movies were false-"

The slam of his palm above her head, against the wall, cut her off. The two fumed, silently staring, one's jaw tight and locked; Buffy's breath was deep, heavy... Spike's wasn't there at all.

He knew he was stopping her from looking anywhere else, as she was doing to him. Spike was caught, deadly focus reined him in, the oppressive desire to clutch her and drag her mouth up to his was demanding, unmerciful. Darkly caged, her face captivated him, even as it infuriated.

Her doubts only made him want to hold her against the wall, against him, and sate every lust and wish. Feel her respond to him in need. Her lips were pink and soft, he knew how they tasted. Her eyes glowed with daring anger, and Spike wanted to feel that anger.

But she needed to know the truth of it all.

She focused on his eyes, cutting and unmerciful. Slowly, he leaned in, and Buffy felt his cool breath on her cheek when he said, "You wanna know what I am... look closely." Then he pulled back again, his whole body under a control she could see, but didn't truthfully understand.

Buffy stiffened. And she didn't know that wretched grief was tearing Spike apart inside as his bones shifted... as yellow eyes replaced blue... and fangs descended.

Her stare widened. Her heart stopped as she looked on at the face of a demon; a REAL demon.

Blinking several times, her eyes watered as they dared her not to believe them. Buffy took in every calloused feature, every harsh line and detail. Her pulse skyrocketed, and she realized that she was alone in a house with strangers... and Spike, who she suddenly felt she didn't know at all.

She was too scared and astounded to scream, but not to run.

Spike let her go, his head falling as Buffy bolted out the door and he heard her rapid footsteps pound the floors of his home.

The sound of the front door slamming was what finally got a tear to drop.

He had to trust... hope, that she would come back.

To believe she would return to a monster.

He didn't hear the glass shatter, couldn't see it as he threw a nearby vase against the wall.

All he was aware of was his heart struggling not to break.

><

The quiet which lay over the living room was suffocating, the recent door slam having called everyone to the first floor who wasn't there already.

Dylan stooped to pick up the kitty cat by his feet, and he pat her on the head as he looked on at the others. The same disappointed, worried expressions all matched. One by one they looked in the direction to where they knew Spike still was, the little dining area with white chairs and one broken vase.

"Knew he would tell her," Blake said, his usual cheery tone not in its place.

"Idiot."

"Shut up, Rex," Ace reproached, "It probly would've gone worse if he'd waited longer anyhow."

Stevo sighed quietly, glancing around the room. "Probably. But not definitely."

"Well you wanna tell him that?" Blake countered.

"No. None of us are going to, either, but I'm simply saying..." He shook his head. "That girl wasn't ready to hear the vampires exist spiel."

"Would she ever have been?" Dylan asked. "I mean, c'mon, it's kinda a lot to swallow."

"If she cares about him she'll get over the shock, and she'll be back," Ace said.

"With LUCK, she'll be back," Rex corrected, "She definitely cares about the moron, but it doesn't mean she'll be able to deal with his undead existence."

"Well, he already bags it. No human feeding..." Dylan set the feline in his hands down on the couch when she started to fuss. "Shouldn't that make Buffy feel more inclined to... accept what he is?"

Silence permeated the air.

"Maybe," Stevo finally said, looking in the direction of where their friend had yet to emerge, to where they all knew Spike endured his own doubts in silence. "Maybe."

><

She'd left her bag.

She'd run out of there so fast, without thinking, without asking questions or screaming her lungs to scrap... she'd forgotten everything but her fear.

One thing she wished she hadn't let get to her head was THAT emotion. Now, Buffy found herself wandering. She'd been doing so for at least an hour.

First, she'd sprinted through the forest and hadn't even known where she was going until she'd ended up in town. It was from then on she'd walked around aimlessly, missing her iPod (which was still in her bag), and trying to think... or not think.

At the moment, she wasn't doing much of either. The trees were almost done changing color, the air was crisp and cool, she was thankful for her sweater, the sky was blue... Her steps faltered every time she thought back to his face...

Maybe it was a trick of light... It could've been. It couldn't be REAL, of course... A joke? Makeup? Some sort of-...

Buffy shook her head. But it was... She knew it was real. She had abso-fucking-lutely no idea how, or what was going on or what the deal was with Spike, but that face was one she could have nightmares about. That was a face that scared and played with evil. It wasn't a nice visage she'd seen, and she was completely terrified and lost.

She felt like one of those people that took interviews on the news. One of those witnesses to a terrible car crash or some bloody crime, and the news reporter is in your face with a camera and a microphone and you're still distraught but trying to answer questions. You don't know what to say and all you can think is that what you saw scared you, and you don't even know how something like it could happen.

Worst of all, beneath her confusion and the gnawing sensation of trepidation, there was shame battling her defenses better than anything. Buffy almost felt she'd be able to block out everything if it weren't for her heart pounding against her chest every moment she remembered running from Spike, of all people.

Or non-people.

What was he? She had a guess but... It was so crazy and... Admitting to that guess, even contemplating it for a moment would mean that she believed what he'd tried to explain to her. That what Spike was talking about- the demons, supernatural creatures and spells, all of it... was true.

Buffy didn't understand what on earth had happened. She'd gone over talking about a bracelet, and this had started. This down spiral of shame and worry...

God how he must be feeling. He might hate her, he might think her a coward... He might not be able to feel at all- No. What the hell was wrong with her? This was Spike, he had to... he felt. He loved, cared, got mad. Buffy had seen it.

She'd also seen that face.

The girl looked up, her eyes refocusing on her surroundings as she suddenly realized that she'd walked herself all through town only to end up down a familiar path. The MayBell library stood tall and warm looking, something bittersweet to Buffy's eyes which suddenly tried to cloud up with tears. She fought the emotions down. The last time she was here she'd wondered if Spike was going to pop in, say hello, kiss her again...

She still wanted him to kiss her again.

Buffy released a hopeless laugh.

She didn't know what or who Spike was anymore. The sheer amount of unfair in this whole situation was incredible. She wanted to weep.

Yet she realized that she wanted to understand, more.

He hadn't told her this sooner for a reason... Whatever THIS was that he'd scared her with, and she intended to do some research. Because something was tugging her in several different directions, and she wanted to run away from it all... the least.

She didn't want to escape this, or try and avoid it. She wanted Spike. She wanted explanations. She wanted details and an apology for terrifying her, and she needed to apologize for wanting one of him. She wanted proof, and to see that face again.

She wanted to know what. he. was.

*C'mon, Buffy, that isn't as hard to figure out as you're letting yourself believe it is.*

With a determined scowl fixed on her face, the girl pushed through the door of the library.

Walking straight to the main desk, nothing but one goal in mind helping her to stay focused and not freak out over all the insanity running through her own head.

She was actually starting to consider this. Starting to consider that maybe he hadn't been lying to her. That the face really was a real one; but it wasn't to be feared... not by her.

A lady with graying hair and glasses on a pearl chain looked up at her. "May I help y-"

"I need books on vampires."

The woman blinked her magnified eyes, a little frown meeting two thin brows. "Vampires?"

"Yes. Vampires, mythical creatures, demons. That sorta thing." Buffy took a breath. "Just point me in the right direction."


Chapter End Notes:
I think I found my muse again, let's hope she stays lol

Also, quick thing about the next chapter:
I know I said there would be no child abuse in this fic, but in the next chapter there will be some mentioning of it. It will not be graphic or long, and the scene will not be played out, only told as a memory and not a vivid one.
I have gone back and taken out the part of the author's notes (from chapter 1) that said there wouldn't be child abuse, so future readers will not be surprised. I apologize, and I hope none of you choose to stop reading this story because of my mess up . When I'd first assumed I would not be including child abuse in this fic, i meant it. I DO promise that I won't go back on my word about the other excluded warnings, which are still written in the author's notes of chapter 1.
Alright, thank you guys for reading! Have a nice day (or night) everyone!



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