Author's Chapter Notes:
The song Spike sings is "Rewind" by Poets of the Fall.
Spike inhaled smoke into his dead lungs as he waited his turn for the spotlight. He was in a dingy L.A. club; it reminded him of The Bronze.

The nancy sounding teen took his bows and walked back-stage.

"All yours dude, good luck." The kid gave him a thumbs-up.

"Yeah, thanks. Here goes nothin'." Spike muttered.

He took the last drag off his cigarette and flicked the stub to the ground. He scooped up his guitar and strode onstage. He scanned the crowed, his vampire vision enabling him to see easily, even through the glare of the footlights.

In front couples held hands, yammering to each other. At the bar there were dodgy blokes hitting on anything that moved. In the back a table of giddly teenaged girls whispered behind their hands and giggled conspiritorially.

Spike's eyes took it all in. He knew their types, knew their stories and they bored him. Then he saw her, and he heard his own sharp intake of breath at sight of Buffy's golden tresses tumbling over her shoulders. She wore a black, V cut blouse and skin-tight black jeans, and she looked back at him. Their eyes locked and held, intense green clashing violently with icy blue.

He steadied himself and fingered the frets, started to play. He began to sing without breaking contacted with Buffy.

What do we have but illusions

Where one man's absolute is another's choice

Giving in to confusion,

Till love and hate both tempt with the same voice

His chest hurt. Regret was a phantom in the belfry, sticking its unwanted beak into dark places in Spike, leave alone places. His insides smoldered, his pectoral muscles flaring with ache - could it be the soul burning within?

Wanted her dead ... once. Insane for loving her ... once.

Won't you take me to a higher ground

I need to see again the way I'm bound
N' choose the uneasy redemption,

Run by fear and the flaws of attraction

It was lust. That's the lie he had sold himself on, a lie she obviously believed. Love switched to hate - such a short hop on the map. He despised her while he could, but he couldn't refuse this dead heart for long. She was his heart, the alive part of his heart.

Rewind, I wanna go it again,

light up the dark, halo on the side

He honed in on her eyes, super power searching the enlarged green orbs for something. Anything. Sock it to me Slayer. I'll 'ave the usual distaste on the rocks, with disgusted sneer chaser. Anger welled in him, bled into his voice, which took an edge.

He saw something else.

So I'll know it will not leave me wanting

I see my heart, waving me bye-bye

Rewind, I wanna go it again,

Light up the dark, halo on the side

Shouldn't have. Too late now. Thoughts revolved, collided. His voice caught, his fingers dug too deeply into the chord. Have to concentrate.

If life itself has a meaning

The scent of her naked skin...

Is it anything more than what we choose to call it
Sweet words make appealing,

But they only serve to mask the smell of what you buried
Is it worth your while to spend on a lie,

Spike narrowed his eyes, watched her. She wasn't leaving, did not even turn away. She seemed fascinated by him, by Spike. Hope rose to fool him again, wanted him to believe what she told him on that bloody day - that she loved him.

But I know better.

Even though you cannot see eye to eye
N' give in to the rumor seduction,

Run by fear and all the good intentions

She was too pure. He was a monster.

Rewind I wanna go it again

Light up the dark, halo on the side

He once told her she didn't belong in the light, that she belonged with him. Bloody glib badboy he played, a wildman with a saucy tongue. He made himself weary.

So I'll know it will not leave me wanting

Like my love kissing me bye-bye

That night in the basement, that was love. Love making, love giving, and the last time their lips had touched.

Rewind I wanna go it again

Light up the dark, halo on the side

Bad memories worried freshly at him with sharp teeth. Hurting her, raping her.

If this is how we think we make amends

Then we're in for a race that never ends

And where is it we think we'll go

And what is it we think we know

We'll never change until we change ourselves

She was a Slayer and he was a vampire. Cowboy and Indian, dog and cat, fire and gasoline. No fit there, it was stupid.

Rewind I wanna go it again

Light up the dark, halo on the side

His fingers flew over the chords. The song, the words he had played by rote were new and sprang from him, his own creation.

So I'll know it will not leave me wanting

I see my heart, waving me bye-bye

Rewind I wish I could go it again

Light up the dark, halo on the side…

Spike strummed the last bars and finished. The crowd applauded, a cacophony of admiration. He glanced at the teenage table and saw the girls standing and clapping, faces streaked with wet makeup. He laid down his guitar and hopped offstage. Buffy didn't move as he wended to her. In his head Spike repeated the last two lines, smiling bitterly at the realization that he had sung his most fervent wish, wondering if Buffy realized it. He stopped in front of her, saying nothing.

Behind him, a woman with curly brown hair said softly, "Wish granted."

Buffy heard it and went pale.


Chapter End Notes:
Spike is in a past dimension, so it does not effect the future.



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