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Author's Chapter Notes:
the start of a story I wrote a while ago




'No, if she closed her eyes, it would all go away,' Buffy thought humming to the rhythm of a slow classic that played in the bar and swung back another brandy when she suddenly felt a body pressing up her back.



Kissing down her neck and caressing her sides all while clinging to her boldly while breathing heavily down her neck. The obviously intoxicated and aroused vampire smelled marvelous and together they smelled of sunshine, fresh flowers and tobacco and musk.



All her limbs were deliciously worked out after her patrol and her blood pumped and God, if it that didn't give her a nice thrill. And if Buffy closed her eyes she could picture herself anywhere but here slow dancing with a past enemy at a seedy bar with half the patrons giving her nasty looks and looking to smash her head in at the first try, as if dancing with a Master Vampire in public was a major crime.



'Oh, come on! Even a Slayer needs a break sometimes, Buffy thought.'



She hadn't been out partying since returning from Heaven, somehow returning to life had given her a whole new perspective. Buffy used to be all party-girly, hogging the Bronze every other weekend, but now she valued other things in life.


Life was more to it than just having fun and enjoying yourself.



Kissing him one last time, she left the bar to meet up with Sophie, a girl she befriended at her job at the Doublemeat Palace.



They now sat in a seedy bar located on the other side of town, called Willy Alibi Bar, filled mostly with odd alternative people, punks and other tough looking crowd.



'Hm, look at them lowlifes…'Buffy mused for herself while taking in the crowd as the beat of the music flooded her ears while she sipped on her drink.



Breaking the silence, her companion cleared her throat.
“I'm so happy you asked me to go out with you tonight” Sophie nervously said.



“Hey, no biggie!” Buffy smiled as they sat down in dark velvet seats,“Little company better than no company”



“I guess. I haven't been out since, well, I've never been out before. My mom says only girls looking for hook-ups go out at night looking for a good time” Sophie said nervously, suddenly finding her drink very interesting.



“Well...I certainly don't” Buffy said, arching an eyebrow.



“Well, I wouldn't be the one to judge if you did" Sophie said looking directly into her eyes.



“Um, okay…I'm here because wanted to talk with you about something, Sophie” Buffy fidgeted, stopping mid-sentence.



“Because I'm real easy to talk to?” Sophie interjected.



“Yeah, but mostly because I feel like you're one of the few ones that really listens” Turning around in the velvet settee Buffy sighed, “It's a bit surreal maybe, the part where I talk to you of all people – NOT that you're a person I wouldn't wanna talk to or anything. And now I made a complete fool of myself” Buffy sighed, rolling her eyes heavenways, starting over “I just mean, I have friends, okay? But I can't do the talky thingie with any of them”



Sophie nodded hastily in response.



“Okay. You know Dawn, my kid sister? You know when I told you that all of my memories of her are fake? Well, I remember that we used to be really close friends and we went through the same stuff when we were younger. Sometimes I look back at those days, at my childhood and wish back to those days when things were so much easier. Even if they weren’t real”



“They are. Real, I mean. If you and her share the same memories and they are real enough for the both of you then they are real” Sophie smiled understandingly.



Buffy glanced away, looking at the nothing with that empty look that she'd come to practise more and more for each day. Even in spite of the tumult around in the bar her thoughts were on a whole other place “I guess, it's just messes up my head a lot where I don't know what to believe really, I don't know what to think” she found herself saying.



“I think you complicate it all too much, Buffy”



Nodding to herself Buffy ranted on “And don't even get me started on my love life because I feel like I’m not ready for any serious love thingy at the moment, Sophie” She sighed “Every relationship I'd gotten into always goes straight to hell in big, if not mega proportions. How knows, maybe I’m the one that is to blame for every failure?” she said sarcastically. “Gawd, I wish love wasn't so complicated” she continued “I mean why can’t I just go on living without it?” she ranted “Life without love, go team me! That would make my life a hell lot easier”



“Buffy, everyone needs to be loved, even you” Sophie said as sincerely as she could. “Don't give up on love. Least you know it, it'll sneak up on you”



Buffy looked at her, smirking slightly as Sophie leant close to block out the noise around them “….And those guys over there are giving us some looks. This might be your chance, Buffy. Should I like wave them over or something?” Sophie asked coquettishly.



Glancing over Sophie's shoulder, Buffy saw a gang dressed in similar Hells Angels outfits, sporting tribal tattoos grinning widely at them and Buffy scowled in response “Um, I don't think so. And whatever you do, do not-“



“Hey, you guys, come over here!” Sophie cheered at them, waving her hand.



“-Tell them to come over here” Buffy finished and slumped down more heavily in her chair.



“Good evening, ladies, may I join ya?” one of the biker guys asked, smiling the widest, nastiest grin she’d ever seen, swinging back a beer.



Enough with the pleasantries “Actually-” Buffy started, but the whole gang dropped on various seats around them, making her feeling like caught bait.



“We’d love to” Sophie finished for her, practically purring, biting her lip provokingly. She was taking some major interest in their new company. “So, are you in some sort of a biker club, right? You're into...motorcycles?” she finished lamely, and Buffy rolled her eyes when Sophie wiggled herself closer to them, fluttering her eyelashes, going from shy girl into slutty girl in a matter of seconds.



“Yeah, that's right, babygirl“ One of them bikers said, throwing an arm over Sophie's shoulder and Buffy stopped paying attention to their interaction and when one of the biker jerks pushed a beer up in Buffy's face which she declined, scrunching up her nose.



And here I thought I could have one night off just enjoying myself, but no! Buffy can't have that, can she? Dumb bikers have to give her the time of the day. Turning to look at Sophie casting her head back and laughing an overly happy laugh, Buffy shook her head. And who is the one looking for a hook-up here, really?



Sophie had become so engrossed in her conversation with the bikers that she hardly noticed Buffy settling back watching the liquid in her glass, obviously bored out of her mind. Tipping her glass back to drink, she glanced over the rim as she suddenly saw Spike himself sitting there, catching her gaze and grinning like a cat that just got the cream by the bar while sipping on his beer.





'How long had he been there? Buffy thought suddenly panicking as she froze on the spot. Why hadn't she noticed him earlier? Blinking a few of times, Buffy became transfixed by the image of him, as if they hadn't seen each other only hours ago. She hadn't realized that she’d missed him until now.



”Um, I've gotta go” she said hastily to their company, letting the sentence hang, to the exit as she moved to stand, grabbing her purse.



Her skin was tingling with anticipation. She watched him and their gaze heated up as he wagged his scarred eyebrow suggestively at her. Buffy found herself blushing and was again reminded of why she was with him again. He was the one she needed to forget about living. She was addicted to him.



Then one of the bikers spoke up “Oh, that's a great idea because we thought we were gonna ask you girls to come to our motel for a nice hard f-“ the biker guy didn’t get any further as Buffy's fist connected with his jaw knocking him clean off his seat into a nearby table and Sophie's drink dropped in her knee as she released a shriek.



“Whoops, didn’t plan on hitting him that hard, I swear!” Buffy apologized profusely. But his friends didn't seem to agree and advanced onto her. Just her luck as she suddenly was in the middle of a huge brawl with the four bikers.



Spike smirked over his beer, half-listening to the sounds of crashing chairs and punches meeting flesh, lightning himself a cigarette and waited patiently. After his ninth vodka shot his legs almost bent under him and his increasingly red rimmed eyes watched the ugly patterns on the walls. And was that a fish swimming through the air?




Buffy really needed this.



She needed to get rid of her excess energy and get her juices flowing, this was what she'd pictured when she left the cemetery looking for some more action. The rush of a good fight is way better than chocolate. Even those yummy chocolate cupcake things back at the Grotto Coffee House, might be even better than sex.





Grinning for herself as she jumped to her feet and delivered an upper cut to her left and spin-kick to her right that sent the one biker guy crashing into the bar where Willy was crouching, looking stricken as he covered his head from all bottles that went crashing above his head, cursing as his livelihood got more destroyed for every second that passed.





Up on the bar Spike roared as he unleashed a series of drunken punches with bloody passion on a vampire, street-fighter style with his coat concealing every savage kick.


"Kicking your ass into the next decade will teach you some proper manners and keep you from attacking a Master Vampire in the future, you bloody pillock!" he roared.


"Oi, mate, I'm talkin' to ya!" Spike called out, dodging a few hits before wrestling down the vampire he was currently occupying himself with before staking it in a fluid movement.



"Bloody through playing" he growled dangerously jumping to his feet, Spike rolled his shoulders and dropped the stake into a pocket of his duster.



As Spike took in the state of the bar and grinned to himself and was just about to light himself a cigarette when he noticed something in his peripheral vision and wheeled his head all around to the entrance and lightly tapped on the Slayers shoulder.





"What?" she said, turning her head towards the entrance of Willy Alibi bar where a bulgy figure - probably some kinda tough boxer while he'd been alive appeared surrounded by a gang of nasty looking minions directing angry glares at them, one pointed look at Sophie and she ran to the back of the room and hid.





"Oh, well, I'll be damned!" the Bulgy Vampire exclaimed in heavy Irish "The great Slayer and her pet vampire Spike; the infamous betrayer of our kind. Aren't we in for a real treat, boys? Tonight, we will hear the bones of the Slayer snap and feast on her blood!" the bulgy vampire chuckled, licking his lips in overly excitement and the vampire crowd chuckled right with him.



Wait until I get all stake-happy on him, Buffy thought, narrowing her eyes into slits. Sharing a mutual look with Spike, the two fighters totally lost themselves in endorphins all over again.





"Slayer, to your left!" Spike called over and she spun around, putting a stake and an end to the vampire to her left. "Watch out!" Buffy wheeled around just in time to deliver a savage kick and a punch to her right before grabbing the second vampire by the collar and dusting him, watching as the particles littered the air for a moment.

As the next vampire pounced, Spike struck with inhumanly quick speed, slipping up behind and grabbing him by the arms thus keeping him at bay while Buffy staked the vampire letting him explode into a great cloud of dust. Buffy and Spike exchanged a long look as her stake hovered above Spike's chest where he took heaving unnecessary breaths.



Spike shook off his demon visage and blinked back at her from his human guise with a face full of questions awaiting her next move.

Buffy stepped back away from him, lowering her stake slowly, blinking. What the hell is going on with me? Snapping out of her thoughts, she turned away just as a vampire jumped her. Buffy she punched the vampire into striking distance and staked it in a swift movement.





"Slayer, I've come to end your petty life!" Big Bulgy Leader bellowed destroying the moment.



Rolling her eyes the Slayer said "Shyeah, as if I haven't heard that line before, jeez, update your witty threats into the 21th century already"





"That is not a proper respect I deserve and not really the proper way to treat your executor" he said, pointing his sword towards her threateningly, scrunching up his nose.





"As if. Treating you with respect would just be close to funny farm, bordering on criminally frigging insane" she sneered.





"Funny? I'll kill you tonight, Slayer. Then we'll see who's laughing"





"Oh, you've been way outta the loop to long, Mister. I've been dead twice already and got back all new and shiny since you demons just can't seem to find a way to get rid of me period. And I really don't think it's gonna be you, Bulgy. You don't seem to know who you're really messing with here"





Buffy released a roundhouse kick that hit him straight across the chest and he crashed in a nearby table taking several beer bottles and chairs with him. When approaching him, he kicked her legs from under her and the Slayer went down with a groan. Fighting him over the sword, she executed a kick at his head as Spike kicked the sword across the floor.



Grabbing it quickly and maneuvring herself onto her legs just as the Bulgy Vampire did. Before the he could even begin to utter a syllable she decapitated his head from the rest of his body which exploded into a cloud of dust.



Keeping the tip of sword pointed to the floor, marveling in the sight of her kill she remained still until Spike's call put an end to the train of her thoughts.



"Yeah, that's right, you sods, you run for it!" he called.

Casting a glance at the entrance, Buffy saw the few ones that were left scurrying out of the bar when they realized the Slayer and the former Master Vampire had won the battle.



Wiping her sweaty forehead and blowing a few stray hairs out of her face, Buffy wiped the sword on the nearest surface and turned back to the bar where Spike was swinging down a Jack Daniels in a few gulps, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before flinging the glass into a nearby wall.





"Merda!" Willy's head appeared from under the disk, sputtering Italian curses "Spike, you pezzo di merda!" he sputtered. "You're banned here for the rest of your unlife, Spike! Nessuno me lo ficca in culo..." he muttered for himself quietly.





"Yeah, yeah, see ya next week, Willy" Spike waved politely back while grinning, following the Slayer out of the bar into the night.





"I mean it this time!" Willy called out pointedly after him just as the door slammed closed.





"Hell of a fight, eh Slayer?" Spike said gleefully when they left the bar.





"Yeah, I totally needed that" Buffy replied, cracking her left shoulder "There was like no action whatsoever in the cemeteries tonight" she said absently, wearing a sullen look, coming to a stop in the arch of an alley.





He leered "Oh, yeah?" with an unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth.

She gave him a curt nod, lately she'd been avoiding her friends and had spent more time fighting alone -- which usually included spending time with Spike who always tagged along willingly being his annoying usual self. She was okay with spending time with him, because he was easier to talk to than her friends, he was her confidant who she always could count on, who didn't judge her.





"Yeah, it was totally freaking dead. I only took out one vamp and a demon in two hours. Makes me wonder if they're all up to something evil... those sneaky bastards with their sneaky business" she grumbled, uncrossing her arms, tucking her stake into the waistline of her pants before striding off into the nearby alley.





"Hey! Where are you off to?" he called after her, quickly following her steps, arms wide.





"Home" she stated quickly, turning her head, wincing when the moonlight played wicked lightning on his hawk-like nose, chiseled cheekbones and intense brilliant blue eyes. She cursed inwardly. Why couldn't he be anything but beautiful? It wasn't fair.





"Incorrect answer" he stopped her by tugging her by the shoulder and advancing in on her.





"I really should go, so you just stop whatever you're doing. I'm not up for any kind of games tonight" she said and tried tugging her arm back and he responded by giving her a devilish smile.

"But I am. Maybe we could repeat last nights performance again, hm?" he said, voice laced with promise, eyes glittering.

She shook her head, tugging her arm away.





"Ah ah ah, pet. C'mon now, Buffy, you know you wanna come home with me" he said huskily, biting his full lip as he draped his hand over hers and made lazy symbols all over her palm that left her shivering.



She was fully prepared to sock him in the jaw, but she couldn't find her strength. It was almost like he kept her in a thrall with his words and actions. Or maybe she just imagined it and used it was a bad excuse to fall for him every time and blame it all on his sinister charms.





"You know you want to" he echoed and caught her eyes. If there was something like a vampire allure he was using it right then.





A few beats passed before she carefully took his hand and trailed after him towards the Restfield Cemetery, doing exactly what she promised herself not to do ever again.



She closed her eyes and when she opened them she was wrapped up in cold white sheets that soothed her burning body as she was soaked in musky sweat with no idea how she had gotten there. She felt intoxicated by the scented wax candles that illuminated the cave.



Smiling she remembered all the sultry taking and giving of pleasure before escaping over the edge into ecstasy she lost herself once again in thrones of passion and euphoria.



What was wrong with her? She felt as if she was betraying everything she was suppose to stand for. How could she sleep around with the undead and hide in her a cage of shame? Had she no shame? These were questions Buffy Summers repeatedly asked herself.



Spike made her feel and connect with the world again. Until the next morning, when she ran back home, hiding and licking her wounds waiting until the next time she needed a fix.



He was a poison to her system, her Achilles heel - call it whatever you want. He had crash coursed into her system, consuming everything like a hungry wolf, making her crave every touch. He was ruining the walls that she built up to protect herself.



Brilliant blue eyes searched hers and she remembered who she was and where she was. Closing her eyes she trembled when she gave him a soft kiss, seeking comfort. The kiss was filled with dread, it burned them both like the end of a cigarette and it hurt so goddamn much but she couldn't stop. She needed the pain to go through every day. Hurting herself made her feel. But it was for great cost – it was slowly pulling them closer to the inevitable end. And they both knew it.



Chapter End Notes:
TBC
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