Buffy woke up on a comfortable bed in room that resembled an expensive hotel suite. It was dimly lit and completely quiet. Buffy thought it was heavenly. Taking a deep breath, she rolled over and was pleasantly surprised again. Her pillow smelled like Spike. For a second, she forced herself to forget all the drama, madness and confusion of the day. For that second, only one thing mattered: Spike was alive. He was solid, permanent and within reach. For that second, Buffy couldn’t be happier.
“Will you look at that? Can’t say I expected a smile so soon after that tumble. How are you feeling?”
“Spike?” Buffy’s heart skipped a beat.
“Breathe, babe. I didn’t mean to startle you. Fred’ll be here any minute to check you over. I had to see you. Is that alright?”
“It’s fine.” She moved into a sitting position and smoothed down her hair. “Where are the others? How’s your mother? Does she know you’re in here? I doubt she’d approve.”
“Of me having a pretty girl in my room? Probably not, but she might surprise you. She thinks highly of you, I can tell that already. She’s something, isn’t she? Never thought I’d see her like this. My final memories of her were so…”
“Unpleasant?” she offered.
He nodded. “It makes me sick, knowing some random hack was trying to use my mum against me. Talk about a low blow. The First’s trigger was bad enough.”
“Don’t think about it. She’s safe; you’re safe. You have a second chance with her now.”
“Guess so,” Spike said. He pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his leather duster. He looked down at the carpet before asking, “Do I have a second chance with you as well?”
Buffy was thankful for the dim lighting. It toned down the intensity of his patient stare.
“I know I’ve messed up. About me and Harm--.”
“I don’t want to hear about you and Harmony. Not now and not ever.”
“My feelings for you haven’t changed.”
Buffy opened her mouth, but she was unable to speak. There was a knock at the door.
“Hi, Buffy. And…Spike? I hope I’m not interrupting. Spike, Angel seems to think you’re in another part of the building and not in here with Buffy.”
“Let’s keep it that way, Fred.”
“Um, okay,” Winifred Burkle shrugged. “But I have some things to go over with Buffy. Medical questions. She’s entitled to her privacy.”
“Don’t worry,” Buffy said, rearranging herself on the bed once more. She straightened out her legs and crossed them at the ankles. “Privacy was something I gave up a long time ago. He can stay.”
“Okay,” Fred repeated. She adjusted the lights so she could read from the clipboard she was holding. “Angel ordered a standard check up for you. I’ll have to bring you to my lab to record your vitals, but since you’re awake and you look good, we’ll let that wait. According to your sister, you aren’t eating much. You’ve been stressed and irritable. You have trouble sleeping at night.”
“Dawn told you all that?”
Fred nodded. “You’ve been introverted, moody--.”
“Wait, did you like supply her a checklist of only shitty adjectives to choose from?”
“Uh, yes. I gave her a list, but I wouldn’t say the words were…shitty…”
“Did she check off anything that doesn’t make me sound completely miserable and pathetic?”
“Slayer, how have you actually been?” Spike intervened. “How about you tell us using your own words?” He sat next to Buffy on the bed, but he was careful to keep his distance. “Fred can help. She’s a brilliant scientist. She helped me when no one else would.”
“Or could. I could’ve helped you too, but I thought you were dead.”
“You might want to add bottled up hostility to that list, pet.”
Buffy heard Fred’s pencil move against the clipboard. “Stop writing! I am not hostile!”
“I’m fine,” she insisted after taking a breath. “I eat, I sleep and occasionally I pass out.”
“You’ve fainted before?” Fred asked.
“No.”
“Come on, lamb. There’s no reason to fib.”
“I passed out one other time,” she admitted through clenched teeth. “With him.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was with him,” Buffy told Fred. She could feel Spike’s eyes on her and it hard not to squirm. “And I passed out.”
“You gonna make her paint you a picture, doc? Or can you figure out what we were doing by connecting the dots on your own?”
“Oh, I’ve got it,” Fred said as her face became red. “Buffy, emotional distress can trigger a black out and the symptoms your sister described.”
“You think I’m emotionally distressed? Is that a formal diagnosis?”
“Well, something is bothering you, isn’t it? You said you were excessively annoyed before you lost consciousness.”
“Is that according to Dawn?”
“And me,” Spike added. “And everyone else who watched you drop. It’s what you said. Don’t you remember?”
“So I was annoyed,” Buffy shrugged. “I’ve suffered from annoyance for nearly a decade, for as long as I’ve known you.”
“Buffy, I know I’ve upset you. Am I at the heart of all this?”
“No. Not everything is about you. My life doesn’t revolve around you, because if it did…” She let out a laugh. “God, I do not want to talk about this right now.”
“Go on,” Spike urged. “Out with it.”
“I would’ve just been more miserable, alright? And these past few weeks have been hard. Vegas is great. Everyone has a clean slate there. The gang seems so eager to move on, but I can’t. I thought I was losing it, because I couldn’t let go. My hometown blew up. I lost everything. My mom’s house, her grave… And you died. As much as I mourned, I never could get over this feeling: I knew, deep down, you weren’t gone. Of course I had no idea you were here, shacking up with my ex while you avoided me.”
“So I tried to get you back,” she continued. “I found a velvet bag of your things. At first, I thought you had kept mementos of Drusilla. I conjured Anne on accident, but she’s coping with time travel amazingly well, like a real pro. She’s even provided her own logical explanation for the whole thing. If you’ve spoken to her at all I’m sure you’re aware of our pending elopement.”
“Come again?”
Buffy flinched, realizing she’d said too much. “Forget that last part. It was a joke. A very, very bad joke. After bringing your mother two hundred and seventy miles, the crazy just doesn’t let up. You’ve been a ghost. You slept with Harmony. I don’t know what’s going on with Angel. He has his own Trump Tower here and he’s acting like a spoiled two-year old. He’s lying and picking fights. I’ve been here for one hour and I’ve already had to break up one fistfight and prevent another.”
“Is this emotional distress?” she asked, turning her attention to Fred. “If so, I think I’m drowning in it. What can you do to help me?”
“Uh, I can give you a mild sedative. I can leave you and Spike alone again so you guys can talk.”
“Can’t I just have the drugs? Can’t you tell everyone to leave me alone, including him? Won’t they have to follow doctor’s orders?”
“First off, I’m not really a doctor. I’m just a scientist with a kickass laboratory,” Fred admitted, hugging the clipboard to her chest. “It sounds like you went to a lot of trouble to reunite with Spike. Now that he’s sitting right next to you, you don’t want to talk to him?”
“I don’t have anything else to say.”
“Why am I not believing that? Buffy, it’s no wonder you fainted. You need to tell him how you feel.”
“I did. I told him and he blew me off. He dismissed what I said and he thanked me for saying it.”
“Spike? Is this true?”
“Hey now, cut a bloke some slack,” he answered defensively. “The bloody world was about to end. There was sunlight barreling out of my chest, a bloody army of Turok-Han ubervamps was coming straight for us and—and there were flames! We were caught up in the moment, I thought--.”
“You thought wrong,” Buffy said simply.
Spike looked at her in awe. “You meant it?”
“That’s enough. I can’t do this.” Buffy jumped to her feet although she still felt a little lightheaded and her stomach was doing somersaults. “I need to check on Mrs. Pratt. I need to talk to Angel. Fred, can you tell me where they are?”
“Everyone was in Angel’s boardroom when I saw them last. Lorne was heading downstairs to get you guys food from the caterers.”
“Can you take me to the boardroom?”
“You would. You always run off to Angel,” Spike grumbled just before Buffy could leave the room. He was still sitting on the bed. His duster was wrapped tightly around him. “He’s the big strapping hero, the white sodding knight at the end of the fairy tale. Well, have your talk with your sweetie bear. Snog the daylights of out of him. Try for a rebound roll in sheets; just tell him you love me before you give it go. That’ll keep him from going soulless. And once you’re finished--.”
“Please tell me you’re joking. I tried to resurrect you. I didn’t travel this far to jump into bed with Angel.”
“Maybe, um—maybe I should go? I can wait out in the hallway…”
“Don’t, this will only take a second,” Buffy said, stopping Fred in her tracks. “Spike, I need to check on your mother and my sister. I need answers from Angel. I need to do these things before I can relax and exchange mooneyes with you. You’re welcome to join me, but if you insist on acting like a complete bonehead… Spike, maybe it’ll be best if you just stay out of my way.”
“Now we can go.” Buffy looked back at Spike, but she didn’t wait for him to speak. She followed Fred out of his penthouse.
“You’re in the middle of one hunky love triangle,” Fred remarked once they were in the hallway. “I’ve been there myself. It was fun for only so long. Then I felt like knocking their heads together and sending them both into timeout.”
“My triangle isn’t as sturdy as those two dopes would like to think. I’m not conflicted or torn between them. I know who I want.”
“And that’s Spike? So you do love him?”
“Don’t sound so surprised,” Buffy laughed. “I must feel that way; that’s what I’m telling everyone. It hasn’t been a picnic so far. My feelings made me faint. They’re making me queasy.”
“You have butterflies in your stomach? I read that love can feel like an anxiety attack.”
“And he wonders why I resisted him for so long.”
In the elevator, Fred pressed the button for the floor they wanted. Buffy stopped the doors before they could close.
“Spike,” she called out into the empty hallway. “Get in here.”
“Where’d he come from?” Fred asked, once Spike seemed to appear out of nowhere.
“Fred. Slayer.” He nodded at each of them and then he took his place next to Buffy.
“Was he behind us the entire time? Did you know he was there?”
“It’s a thing with him.” Buffy let the elevator doors close. “He lurks, he stalks, he hides in bushes. Why don’t you tell Fred just how many packs of cigarettes you went through while watching me from the tree in my front yard?”
“Can’t. Lost track,” Spike replied.
“Just like I lost count after the first half dozen of my nicest underwear disappeared and ended up in his pockets.”
“Uh, alright,” Fred began with a weak laugh. “I’m not sure what y’all are talking about, and I think it’d be best if it stayed that way. I’m just going to stand here until the elevator stops, okay?”
“Does this mean our therapy session is over?” Buffy asked brightly.
“There’s no hope for you anyway,” Spike whispered directly into her ear. “I heard every word you said, baby.”
Buffy froze. She didn’t have to feel Spike’s breath against her skin to know that his face was very close to hers. “That was the point.”
“I want you back in my room before the night’s through. I owe you that private conversation and a string of apologies.”
As the elevator doors opened, Buffy nodded. “I think I can do that.”
They followed a few steps behind Fred and walked side by side.
“Angel may try to turn you against me. I can’t promise that everything he’ll say is untrue.”
Buffy flinched without meaning to, and then she asked, “Have there been other girls?”
“None. I swear it. Absolutely zero. Harm barely counts half a point as it is.”
“She counts for more than that, Spike. What you did…it counts.”
“Buffy, will you look at me? It was mindless, emotionless. Hell, it was dreadful. She bit me, her eyes started bleeding, and I had to knock her out in the end! How’s that for romantics?”
“It shouldn’t have happened,” she said glancing at him for only a second. “Have you hurt anyone?”
“No,” he sighed. “I’m still fighting the good fight. Not interested in changing sides. You should know that.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about. I told you I can handle Angel. If you insist on getting out of line, I can handle you too. And trust me, that isn’t what either of us want.”
Leaving Spike behind, Buffy followed Fred into the boardroom.
***
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