Sometimes patrols were a lot of fun for Buffy. Sunnydale offered a plethora of monsters with highly kickable asses. And other times patrols were about as interesting as watching paint dry.
Unfortunately, so far this night had definitely fallen firmly into the latter category. Aside from two inept fledglings that were easily dispatched, there was no sign of any other vampires or demons to fight with.
She hadn’t even caught side of the bleached, vampire-shaped thorn in her side.
Not that she wanted to see him, of course.
For the past few days her fantasies about the bleached pest had been becoming increasingly more intense. Even when she shared a bed with her sweet, normal boyfriend they wormed their way into her imagination.
Guilt festered in her heart over those little faux pas. Although she was finally coming to terms with the fact that she really wasn’t in love with Riley, she still didn’t want to hurt the man. After all, she’d been on the receiving end of heartbreak in the past and she would never wish that on someone else.
She figured that if Riley ever knew that Spike was the name in her heart when she was in bed with him, the ex-commando wouldn’t react well.
A noise from behind the bushes startled her out of her thoughts and she immediately dropped into a fighting stance. Her neck tingled alerting her to the proximity of a vampire.
“Who’s there?” she called, glancing around for anyone.
“I guess you caught me, Slayer,” a familiar voice drawled, and she relaxed slightly as Spike stepped out of the shadows.
However, his nearness caused her to tense up in a different way. Right now he looked incredibly…lickable. Clad in tight leather with his blond hair slicked back, he was the epitome of sexy bad boy. Buffy swallowed rapidly as her mouth flooded with saliva at the thought of tasting his cool skin. She could still recall just how delicious it tasted under her tongue from under Willow’s spell.
“What are you doing here, Spike?” she inquired coolly, trying to maintain an air of detachment.
“Live here, don’t I?” he responded in a mocking tone.
“I mean here, with me?” She was already heating up with his nearness. She needed to get away from him.
And why was he approaching her?
“Maybe I fancied spendin’ some time around your precious self,” he said lightly. However, his intense gaze belied the laughter in his tone.
“I’m just about to finish up with patrolling anyway,” she said, licking her dry lips. “No more dead things around to stick with wood. Unless you’re volunteering to become fodder for Mr. Pointy.”
“Seems to me that you’re just makin’ excuses, love. Got a reason that I might make you uncomfortable?” Spike sniffed, scenting the delicious aroma of Slayer juices on the balmy night air. “My my, Slayer!” he leered. “Am I makin’ you all creamy and wantin’?”
Blushing she tried to step away but Spike’s hands closed around her waist. She knew she should shake him off of her but instead she almost melted into his touch.
“I don’t want you, Spike,” she groaned half heartedly.
“Your body says different.”
“My body’s dumb.”
“Beg to disagree, love. Your body’s a bloody work of art. All those lovely toned muscles, sweet curves, those luscious little tittles, and that bitable ass. God, love, don’t you see how wonderful you are?” She shrugged, feeling embarrassed under the scrutiny. “And your body knows that it wants me. It remembers just how I can make it feel.”
“Even if that’s true and my dumb body does want you, I don’t want you. I have a boyfriend!”
“What? Bloody Captain Cardboard? That farm boy couldn’t arouse a houseplant!”
“Riley’s my boyfriend,” she told him without any guile in her voice. “He’s normal and human and…”
“Boring…”
“And sweet,” she finished, purposefully ignoring his interjection. “He has a soul and my friends like him. You…no matter what we shared…it can’t be more than what it was. Just a spell.”
Spike opened his mouth to reply but he closed it as his eyes fixed on something behind the Slayer. Turning around she saw Riley lumbering over to them, a stake wrapped firmly in his hand. She sighed internally, not sure if the sigh was from relief or disappointment. When Riley reached the two blonds, he shot a glare at Spike before grasping hold of Buffy’s hand.
“All done with patrolling for tonight?” he asked with a smile.
Spike made a choking noise that sounded like he might vomit, but Buffy ignored his antics. Her wonderfully sweet and normal boyfriend was standing at her side again, allowing her sanity to restore itself. When she was alone with Spike, holding out against his charms was increasingly difficult. Especially when all she wanted to do was jump his yummy bones like the naughty part of her brain was begging her to do.
Buffy locked those thoughts away immediately and smiled at Riley, turning away from Spike. “Sure,” she nodded. “Let’s go home.”
As she walked away with the ex-commando, she briefly glanced back over her shoulder at the sorrowful looking vampire. A pang of regret hit her. But she knew she was doing the right thing. Whatever had happened under the spell between her and Spike was in the past and nothing should change that.
She clasped Riley’s hand a little tighter, not noticing how he winced in pain from her monster grip and continued walking forward.
Walking toward her future.
The walk back to Revello Drive was mostly made in comfortable silence. Buffy could totally do silence. She didn’t need the constant yammer of a man to breach the void between them. It wasn’t as if Angel had ever been particularly vocal during their relationship. Well, Angelus was, but she tried not to think about that particular incarnation of her first love when she could avoid it.
So why did the constant chatter of the bleached vampire shaped pain in her ass make her wonder if she was making a mistake in settling for Riley? Riley was everything she wanted. The tall, handsome, strong silent type. He was normal and smart and sweet. He was always there for her when she needed him…like a puppy dog.
God, maybe Spike was right. Maybe he was a little dull and boring.
But Buffy didn’t want to be the girl who always wanted the bad boys. Sure, the allure of darkness was undeniable. She felt it inside of her, calling to her. However, she’d been there and done that with Angel and it ended in people dying horribly and the world almost getting sucked into hell. There was no way she was prepared to repeat the pain that she put everyone through by giving into her own selfish desires. Glancing over at Riley she sighed and steeled herself. She had to make this normal, human relationship work.
Because if she didn’t, if she couldn’t…well what would that say about her?
They reached Revello Drive and Riley bent to kiss his girlfriend goodnight. However, before he could walk away she tugged on his shirt sleeve.
“Stay,” she whispered seductively, batting her eyelashes in a way that felt unnaturally girlish. Riley looked pleasantly surprised at her request. She’d seemingly been pushing him away more and more in the past few months but he was always happy to oblige her. If he’d known her motives for asking him to stay he might have been less enthusiastic.
When he nodded in agreement, Buffy turned to open the door, averting her guilty eyes from the joyous orbs of her boyfriend. She knew that part of the reason why she wanted Riley to stay with her was so that she could prove a point. It wasn’t just that she needed to prove Spike wrong when he’d said Riley wasn’t enough for her. It was also that she needed to dissipate her own similar doubts that had been clouding her thoughts so often.
She led the pair of them inside, offering Riley a cursory drink, which he declined, before making her way upstairs. Riley followed like a faithful dog. He was docile and gentle.
But what if that wasn’t enough?
Was Buffy really the kind of girl who wanted to be fucked every which was from Sunday by a soulless demon? The flood of wetness between her thighs at the very thought indicated that maybe she was exactly that kind of girl.
But, putting all fantasies aside, the reality was that Buffy was here with her flesh and blood boyfriend right now. He was a real man with a beating heart and not an animated corpse. He could take her out into the sunshine and give her children…if she lived that long.
Maybe somewhere in the deepest recesses of her desires, Spike might possibly be what she wanted. But Riley was what she needed.
He was normal, wasn’t he?
And normality was what mattered.
Entering her room, Riley sat them both down on the bed and kissed her gently on her mouth and she wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to free her mind from her troubling musings. She sighed into his mouth.
“Can I make love to you?” he asked quietly, almost shyly. Buffy nodded and lay down, wincing as he climbed onto her. She tried to ignore how big and bulky he felt on top of her. He always felt like he was suffocating her, even though she could easily push him off if she wanted to. Nevertheless, there was something about it that unnerved her.
He pressed his lips to hers again. Riley always tasted so…tasteless. There was no whiskey or cigarette smoke on his breath, just the faint taste of toothpaste.
Not that that was a bad thing. No siree. She absolutely didn’t enjoy anyone that tasted like cigarettes and alcohol. And she was determined to keep repeating that thought in her mind.
“Mmm,” Riley sighed quietly, slipping a hand down her stomach.
Buffy kept her eyes firmly closed, trying to savor the sensations. But in her mind the hand was a little cooler, a little more slender, and adorned with thick, flashy rings. She knew it was wrong to think about it, but the Slayer couldn’t help but recall how, during her tryst with Spike, he’d played her like a fiddle, taking her higher until she thought she couldn’t feel any deeper pleasure and then raking it up a notch.
As her boyfriend’s hand dipped even lower, intoxicatingly close to her center, she cried out in need.
“Oh!” she gasped. “Lower! Oh Spike!”
The hand that was creeping down her body immediately froze. Time itself seemed to stop and that single moment lasted for an eternity.
The Slayer held her breath, willing Riley to ignore what he just heard, but the tangible silence in the room assured her that he was aware of the name she had just called out in passion.
“Riley?” she asked when the quiet finally overwhelmed her.
The large man had his eyes screwed firmly shut although he hadn’t yet removed his hands from her body. However, the sound of her voice startled him enough to make him yank his hands from her as if she were hot coal.
“Riley?” she repeated. “I didn’t…I mean…”
“What the hell is it with you and vampires?” he muttered, sitting up. His posture was stiff, his neck taut. “How can you feel anything for those disgusting dead things?”
“I…I don’t know where that even came from,” she said quietly, wringing her hands together. “I so don’t have feelings for…for him.”
“Really?” His voice was shaky as he choked out the single word.
“Really! I’m sorry!”
Riley didn’t look at her but rose from the bed and started pacing across the room. “I don’t think you would have said his name if there wasn’t…something between you.” His words were filled with pain and guilt gripped Buffy’s heart like an iron vice.
“The only thing between me and Spike is strong mutual loathing,” she insisted, rising to her knees on the bed.
“I wish I could believe that,” he muttered, before turning to face her. “Do you love me?”
“Huh? What?”
“Do you love me?” Riley asked again, his face an emotionless mask. The former soldier sighed when she hesitated. “It’s not a difficult question.”
“You know how I feel about you,” she said, not meeting his eyes. She didn’t want to lie to him and profess her love. But she didn’t want to admit that he just wasn’t enough for her either.
Hello Rock…meet Hard Place.
“Then why would you…why would you say that thing’s name?”
Buffy flinched. “I don’t know why! Spike’s been hanging around all of the time lately. I guess he was just on my mind. I wasn’t thinking about him!” the Slayer lied. “I only want you, Riley.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
Buffy felt another pang of guilt at the sorrowful insecurity in his voice but she knew there was nothing that would convince him. After all, how could she even start going about convincing him of a lie?
An uncomfortable silence stretched between them, neither meeting the other’s eyes. Eventually the awkwardness overwhelmed Buffy and she felt compelled to break through the silence.
“Can we just lay down? You can hold me if you want,” she finally said, offering the only olive branch that she could.
Riley nodded reluctantly and climbed into the bed beside her. However, he didn’t take her up on her offer of allowing him to hold her. Instead he lay down awkwardly on the pillow next to her, his body the very epitome of tension.
Buffy also lay down, feeling just as uncomfortable. When she fell asleep, her back facing the man lying next to her, it was blue eyes and bleached curls that haunted her dreams.
She slept so deeply that she didn’t feel Riley slip out of bed and out of the house into the velvety blanket of night.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Buffy/Other warning