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CHAPTER 1: Very upset man


A bottle of iridescent greenish purple nail polish in one hand, the blonde girl examined her freshly painted big toe with a doubtful look, but she went back to work despite the result. She was curled up comfortably on a couch in the hotel lobby, her long hair swept to one side of her head so she could hold the phone receiver with her other shoulder. She could have said without any hesitation that she was happy at the moment, if it wasn’t for the more than awkward phone call to her best friend. The first contact they’ve had in over a year.


“Will?.. Willow… “ She tried to interrupt the other girl to no avail. When Willow Rosenburg was babbling, lost in her theories, nothing could stop her.


“WILLOW!” The sound of her voice echoing in the huge hotel made her drop her voice right away. “Honey, you asked so many questions in one sentence that I couldn’t even remember one if my life depended on it. Why don’t we wait until we see each other?.. You’ll be here in two days, right?” Buffy blew on her toes to make the polish dry faster and shook her head slightly at the result. *weird, but kinda pretty anyway..* She smiled to herself.


“Ok. So I’ll see you at the Hyperion Friday. … Yes, I assure you, I’ve never been better.”


She understood her friend’s worry, but for once in her life, she was saying the truth about this. Life was grand. End of the story.


“Bye Will. Can’t wait to see you too!” She said with an overly cheery voice. The truth is, she was feeling a bit insecure about this, but she knew the feeling would dissipate as soon as she was face to face with the redhead.


She stretched lazily on the couch and smiled brightly when she realized that Spike was sitting on the bottom stair, observing her.


It had been a week since the day she finally remembered her old life. The first few days had been tough, but she soon realized she was alright. The first moment of anger at being played by the Powers was soon replaced by gratitude. Gratitude because she didn’t think she would have been able to move on so fast and so completely without that little help from above.


Yes, she remembered her sometimes gruesome life as the Slayer, but she also remembered the past year as a normal girl. The endless shopping sprees, the trips to the beach, the girls’ night spent eating popcorn with her sister while watching chick flick. All this helped her reacquainting herself with Buffy Summers.


During her last year in Sunnydale, the Slayer side of her personality had become more and more dominant, making her sometimes scared of herself. Of how cold she’d become. She had been afraid that she might have lost touch with the regular girl in her forever. But last year had helped her reconcile the Slayer and the girl, bringing her back to a more healthy balance. And she sure as Hell laughed and smiled a lot more now. And she could also finally let herself enjoy her relationship with the man sitting on the stair. Which was a big plus in her book.


Said man who right now seemed somewhat upset.


“What’s with the brooding? You know, brooding is fine for Angel, but moody and sarcastic look better on you.”


She didn’t seem to notice his lack of reaction and just kept talking. “Or are you just listening to the voices in your head?” She got up and lifted her arms in front of her while walking slowly to Spike. “Kill… Kill…Kill Angel…” She said in a mocking tone. “Which reminds me. We should rent The Shining sometimes. This movie scared the shit out of me the first time I saw it, watching it again in this creepy hotel would be awesome.”


When she finally reached the stairs, she stopped in front of him and frowned at his silence. “What’s wrong?” She asked, more seriously this time.


Spike got up and walked away from her. He went to stand by the weapon display, seemingly lost in his thoughts as he admired the beautifully carved swords and knives. But she could tell, by the way he shoved his restless hands deep into his pockets that something was off.


“Spike?”


“Why didn’t you tell her?”


“Wha…”


“Willow. Why didn’t you tell her about us? Are we back at that?” He turned to look at her, and she could now see the anger and hurt flash in his eyes.


“But I..”


“It’s not like you didn’t have any opportunities, you’ve been yapping away for more than an hour! You know Slayer, it was bloody painful when you were doing it back in Sunnydale, but I fooled myself into thinking that we were past this! I didn’t think you were still ashamed of me after all we’ve been through together. I know being human doesn’t erase my less than stellar past, but I was delusional enough to think that we had put this behind us.”


She could only stare at the furious ex-vampire with her mouth gapping, her mind scrambling to find something to say to calm him down. But before she could find the words to explain to him what she had been thinking, he was on his way out, kicking viciously at the small table in his way, making it fly across the room.


“You know what? Sod all this…”


“SPIKE! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!”


But the blond fury was already out the door, almost knocking it off its hinges. She tried to follow him, but the cold night air reminded her soon enough that she was dressed in nothing but one of his black T-shirt. Not the best outfit to walk the streets of L.A. looking for her pissed off boyfriend.


“Stupid pigheaded man with his stupid bad temper” she mumbled to herself, but her heart wasn’t in it.


She knew she had involuntarily hurt him. Definitely not something she enjoyed doing anymore. Sure, it was meant to happen once in a while. A hurtful word could sometimes slip out during one of the daily dose of bickering they both enjoyed so much. But this was a very sensitive issue to him, after all she had put him through during their last two years in Sunnydale. Telling him on a regular basis that she’s never tell her friends about them because she was disgusted with herself and ashamed of him…


She winced at the memory. *Good job Buff… You just gave him a very nice flashback, and some happy thoughts to brood over for the next two weeks at least*


She went back inside and slammed the door shut behind her.


“You guys had a fight?”


Buffy almost jumped out of her skin when she heard Cordelia’s voice.


Cordelia chuckled at the very unslayer like shriek that came out of the blonde girl. “Sorry. I thought you had seen me. So, what happened?”


Buffy let herself down on the couch with a humph, and crossed her arms over her chest. “I kind of forgot to tell Spike that I wasn’t going to tell Willow about us being together over the phone. I wanted to tell her when she gets here and we’d be sitting comfortably over a pint of Ben&Jerry’s, having a girl talk. He heard my conversation with her, noticed I didn’t say anything about me and him, and assumed it’s because I’m still ashamed of being with him.”


“And let me guess… He talked really fast, got really pissed, didn’t let you say a word, then stormed out?”


Cordelia smiled and sat next to Buffy.


Buffy pouted. “Yeah…”


“Typical.”


“I know!! Geez, could he be more annoying?! He didn’t even let me explain!”


“Do you think it’s men in general, or just vampires and ex-vampires?” the brunette wondered, an eyebrow arched questioningly.


“What? Angel does that too?” Buffy bit the inside of her cheek to refrain from laughing, finding the idea of Angel acting like Spike very amusing.


“Nah huh…” Cordelia shook her head and sighed. “Worse. He reacts like a fifteen years old in the middle of a teenager crisis. He crosses his arms over his chest, and repeats ‘getoutgetoutGETOUT!’ Very manly if you ask me.”


Buffy burst out laughing this time. “Oh my God! This is too funny. He seemed so much more mature when I was sixteen..”


“Yeah, unfortunately, I have a tendency to turn men into immature little boys.” Cordy pouted at her own comments. “That really sucks.”


Remembering just why they were talking about this, Buffy sobered up instantly. Cordelia noticed, and let out another sigh before turning to face the petite blonde sitting next to her.


“He’ll be back soon enough, I’m sure. He’ll be piss drunk and looking for a fight, you’ll give him just that, then you’ll kiss and make up.”


“You’re starting to know him pretty well, don’t you.”


“Yeah.” She answered quietly. “I’m starting to.” She hesitated to finish what she had to say, but did anyway. “And I also know that he must be broken right now. I’m not blaming you. You didn’t do anything wrong at all. I can see why you’d want to tell Willow face to face. That’s what girls do. We rant on the phone for hours about meaningless stuff like new hairstyles and Jimmy Choo stilettos, but have to tell each other the important things face to face.”


Buffy drew her knees up to her chest, and rested her chin on them, not looking at Cordelia. Her heart was breaking in her chest again at how Spike must have hurt when he realized that she was not telling Willow… again.


“Spike and I talked a lot after he arrived here. Mostly about you… and how screwed up your relationship was.”


Buffy shot Cordelia the death look. The brunette held her hands up.


“Hey! Not judging. I know where you’re coming from. I was there during the Angelus phase, remember? Plus, going out with a bloodsucker, not something you proudly tell everyone.”


“Cordelia,” Buffy interrupted. “I am WAY past that. I am beyond being way past that. I’m ready to go in front of the assembly and say: ‘Hi, I’m Buffy Summers and I’m in love with Spike, who used to be a bloodsucker.’. See? Not. Ashamed. I even manage to see a future for us when I lay awake at night. Which is something I couldn’t even do when I was with Angel or Riley. That says it all.”


“I know Buff, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying that believing that you were somehow still ashamed of him must have reopened some serious wounds. That’s all he talked about when he got here… how he was not worthy of you.”


Buffy tried to blink back the tears, but failed. “Cordy… if one of us is not worthy of the other, it’s me. I will never forget that he…” She took a deep shaky breath. “I saw him giving up his life to save the world. I saw him starting to burn, but not even flinching. I saw the resolve on his face. And it wasn’t just for me, like all his past good deeds were. It was for himself and for the world. I will never forget that. I am proud to love him.”


Cordelia smiled softly at that. She stroked Buffy’s silky blond hair affectionately before getting up. “Then why don’t you tell him that when the bleached wonder comes back from his drinking binge. I’m sure that would make him happy.”


Buffy just nodded.


“You going to bed?”


“Nah. I think I’ll just wait here.”


“Ok. Goodnight then.”


She watched Cordelia’s retreating form before curling up on the couch to wait for Spike to come back home.


She fought sleep for as long as she could, but it eventually overtook her. When she opened her eyes again, the sun was up in the sky. Suddenly completely awake, she flew up the stairs to their bedroom and threw the door open. The bed was still undone from the night before, and it was empty. Sighing loudly, she lay down on it, pulling the covers around her. She took a pillow and put it over her face to silence a scream of frustration. “Argh!!”


*So that’s how those wives waiting up all night for their husbands feel huh?* She thought for herself. *He’s so gonna get his sexy ass kicked…*


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“Damn Spike! Don’t you think that’s enough already?”


Spike slammed down another shot, and before the bartender could react, he snatched the bottle out of his unsuspecting hands.


“Bugger off all the way to Hell you wanker. I might be new at the whole human thing, but that doesn’t make me a toddler. I can take care of my own bloody self, thank you very much.”


“Watch your mouth, would you.” The annoyed man said while cleaning ashtrays. “The only reason you’re still here is because I allow you to. In case you haven’t noticed, the bar has been closed for an hour now. I could just throw you out on your ass if I feel like it.”


“Suit yourself. You’re more than welcomed to try mate.”


The forty something man just rolled his eyes at Spike, and put the ashtrays away. “You might be a strong son of a bitch, but I’ll have you know that I’ve seen my share of bar fights. AND you’re drunk off your ass. I’m not that impressed with you. But seriously man, I’ll have to meet that girl of yours someday.” He scolded at Spike for spilling some booze on his newly cleaned bar, but kept talking. “I’d be curious to see what kind of woman can bring a man like you to his knees. Known you for a year, and every time you stumble in here to drink yourself into a coma, it’s about her. She must be something else in the sack huh?” He wiggled his eyebrows, making Spike growl.


“Watch your yap mate, it’s my woman you’re talking about.”


“Fine, have it your way. You’re so not fun when you’re in that state.” He lifted a keg off the floor. “I’ll bring that to the back. When I’ll hear you fall off the stool, I’ll come back and put your unconscious ass in a cab.”


When he didn’t get an answer from the blond, Larry left him alone and made his way to the back storage room.


Spike watched the bartender leave, then took another swig of his tequila. All he wanted right now was to curl up on the floor under a table and forget about Buffy Summers.


*Liar*


The truth was that all he really wanted was to curl up in bed against said Buffy Summers and forget about that stupid fight.


The stubborn little voice in his head, the voice of the man who had suffered while longing for her, kept repeating that it would never be over. That she would never stop hurting him. But he couldn’t stop himself from hoping. Why she was doing this, he had no idea. Did she still think he wasn’t good enough for her? Remembering all the nights they had spent together during the past two weeks, and all the things she had said to him then, it didn’t make any sense. So why? After all that happened, why couldn’t she bring herself to tell her friends about them still? What was she scared of, and most importantly, what else could he do to make her accept him… accept them.


“I’m a bloody human now, isn’t it enough pet?” he mumbled drunkenly to himself.


He could offer her what she always wanted and more. The house with the white picket fence, the wedding, the kids, the walks in the afternoon sun… So what else did she want? And added bonus, he was still strong enough to take care of himself if attacked by some nasties…


His thoughts were brutally interrupted when something crashed painfully against his skull. He would have loved the irony of the moment if only he had been conscious to witness it.


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