Summary: After the death of her first love, Buffy Summers swore to never give her heart to another. But with the addition of an unwelcome houseguest into her life, Buffy begins to realize she may have to rethink that vow… (All-human AU)
Rated: NC-17
Categories: NC-17 Fics Characters: None
Genres: Romance, Angst
Warnings: Adult Language, Sexual Situations
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 72 Completed: Yes
Word count: 182599 Read: 146234
Published: 10/17/2004 Updated: 10/20/2006

1. Prologue: The Wedding by Addie Logan [Reviews - 23] Liked (2941 words)

2. Chapter One by Addie Logan [Reviews - 10] Liked (2496 words)

3. Chapter Two by Addie Logan [Reviews - 14] (2209 words)

4. Chapter Three by Addie Logan [Reviews - 11] (3276 words)

5. Chapter Four by Addie Logan [Reviews - 16] (2262 words)

6. Chapter Five by Addie Logan [Reviews - 17] (2511 words)

7. Chapter Six by Addie Logan [Reviews - 14] (2592 words)

8. Chapter Seven by Addie Logan [Reviews - 17] (2318 words)

9. Chapter Eight by Addie Logan [Reviews - 20] (2052 words)

10. Chapter Nine by Addie Logan [Reviews - 17] (2283 words)

11. Chapter Ten by Addie Logan [Reviews - 22] (2931 words)

12. Chapter Eleven by Addie Logan [Reviews - 29] (4364 words)
Real life made me neglect this and all my other fics for a while, and I'm sorry for that. But I appreciate all my loyal readers on this fic who have put up with huge posting gaps and a painful level of UST. I showed my appreciation here with an extra long chapter, and I will do all I can to have more frequent updates from now on. Thank you so much to every one who has been reading this, and an extra special thanks to those who have been kind enough to review. This is a hard fic to write, and your words of encouragement have meant more to me than I can even begin to tell you.
As mentioned in the fic, "Fire" is originally the Pointer Sisters, though there is a version done by Ghost of the Robot out there, so if you can hunt it down, you can hear James singing it. And "Angel" is by Ghost of the Robot, written by James Marsters. I'm sure you all know who he is…

13. Chapter Twelve by Addie Logan [Reviews - 33] (4372 words)
Well, it's nowhere near over yet, but you guys have been so patient with all the angst, here's a little reward...

14. Chapter Thirteen by Addie Logan [Reviews - 36] (2776 words)

15. Chapter Fourteen by Addie Logan [Reviews - 7] Liked (3712 words)

16. Chapter Fifteen by Addie Logan [Reviews - 11] Liked (2273 words)

17. Chapter Sixteen by Addie Logan [Reviews - 23] Liked (2485 words)

18. Chapter Seventeen by Addie Logan [Reviews - 26] Liked (3094 words)

19. Chapter Eighteen by Addie Logan [Reviews - 35] Liked (2578 words)

20. Chapter Nineteen by Addie Logan [Reviews - 30] Liked (2579 words)

21. Chapter Twenty by Addie Logan [Reviews - 43] Liked (2889 words)

22. Chapter Twenty-One by Addie Logan [Reviews - 28] Liked (2691 words)

23. Chapter Twenty-Two by Addie Logan [Reviews - 42] Liked (2347 words)

24. Chapter Twenty-Three by Addie Logan [Reviews - 32] Liked (2680 words)

25. Chapter Twenty-Four by Addie Logan [Reviews - 40] Liked (2604 words)

26. Chapter Twenty-Five by Addie Logan [Reviews - 24] Liked (2636 words)

27. Chapter Twenty-Six by Addie Logan [Reviews - 30] Liked (2646 words)

28. Chapter Twenty-Seven by Addie Logan [Reviews - 37] Liked (2586 words)

29. Chapter Twenty-Eight by Addie Logan [Reviews - 29] Liked (2310 words)

30. Chapter Twenty-Nine by Addie Logan [Reviews - 28] Liked (2393 words)

31. Chapter Thirty by Addie Logan [Reviews - 27] Liked (2255 words)

32. Chapter Thirty-One by Addie Logan [Reviews - 24] Liked (2176 words)

33. Chapter Thirty-Two by Addie Logan [Reviews - 32] Liked (2303 words)

34. Chapter Thirty-Three by Addie Logan [Reviews - 29] Liked (2400 words)

35. Chapter Thirty-Four by Addie Logan [Reviews - 30] Liked (2239 words)

36. Chapter Thirty-Five by Addie Logan [Reviews - 28] Liked (2802 words)

37. Chapter Thirty-Six by Addie Logan [Reviews - 26] Liked (2758 words)

38. Chapter Thirty-Seven by Addie Logan [Reviews - 20] Liked (2359 words)

39. Chapter Thirty-Eight by Addie Logan [Reviews - 22] Liked (2453 words)

40. Chapter Thirty-Nine by Addie Logan [Reviews - 24] Liked (2193 words)

41. Chapter Forty by Addie Logan [Reviews - 36] Liked (2215 words)

42. Chapter Forty-One by Addie Logan [Reviews - 55] Liked (2437 words)
First off, I'd like to say thank you to those of you who have been supportive of this story and of me. I know it's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster, and believe me when I say some of it has been as hard to write as I know it's been for you to read. However, it's the kind of story I wanted to tell, as I sometimes enjoy stories where it takes a little while to finally get to that light at the end of the tunnel, and I know other readers do, too. I've written this story for them, and I'm glad to hear that so many people are enjoying it despite its heavier themes.



However, for those of you who are not, I want to say I am well aware that this story is angsty. As I've already stated, I don't need anyone to tell me this or complain about it since I've given plenty of warnings. This story is marked "angst" for genre. I've made numerous author's notes giving a heads up about the angst. However, forty chapters in, people still seem to find this surprising and feel the need to complain. So, I'm going to say this one more time: THIS STORY CONTAINS A LOT OF ANGST.




If you don't like angst or you feel it's too much in this story, then do us both a favor and go read something else. I'm asking you to please respect me and my wishes and not leave me negative feedback concerning the angst. I'm not saying this because I only want everyone to heap praise on me or because I can't take "constructive criticism," but because I don't find this to be very constructive at all, and all it does is irritate me. "Yuk" is not constructive. Telling me the angst is too much after I've already warned about it a gazillion times and asked that if you don't want to read that much, just please, quietly go read something else, is not constructive. And yes, it may be your right to say what you want, but I'm asking you not to, and I think it's better for you to be polite and respect my wishes than to exercise your "rights" in such an arbitrary fashion.



Furthermore, if you do choose to leave a negative review, I reserve my right to respond. If I disagree with you, I'll say so. I'm the one who has put hours of my life into working on this story, and frankly, I believe that gives me more of a right to defend it than it gives anyone else a right to criticize it. It surprises me how many people seem to think that an author should be silent in the face of negative reviews. I pour myself into this story and because of that, I do feel the need to defend both myself and my story. If you're not a writer, you may not be able to understand that, but it's the way it is. So if you feel the need to fire off a negative review—to me or any other author—please stop and consider for a moment that there's another human being getting this review and think about how you criticizing something they've worked hard on without asking you for anything in return will make that person feel.




So to sum up this rather long author's note (sorry for the length, but I had a lot of things I felt I needed to say after the responses to the last chapter), this story is angsty and will continue to be so. If you can't take that, then I won't fault you at all for leaving. I know it's not a story that's for everyone, and I'm okay with that. I'd rather you quietly stop reading than complain about something I'm not going to change. If you're sitting on the fence about it and would like to know just how dark the fic will get, feel free to email me, and I'll give you any spoilers you ask for. I don't want to answer any questions about upcoming plot points on a public forum for those who don't want to know, but if you do want to know, email me from my author profile, and I'll be happy to tell you.



Again, I do thank those of you who have been giving me support (and the benefit of the doubt), and I hope that once we reach the end, you'll feel that the journey was worth it.


43. Chapter Forty-Two by Addie Logan [Reviews - 47] Liked (2397 words)

44. Chapter Forty-Three by Addie Logan [Reviews - 26] Liked (2456 words)

45. Chapter Forty-Four by Addie Logan [Reviews - 24] Liked (2509 words)

46. Chapter Forty-Five by Addie Logan [Reviews - 43] Liked (1514 words)

47. Chapter Forty-Six by Addie Logan [Reviews - 62] Liked (2616 words)

48. Chapter Forty-Seven by Addie Logan [Reviews - 16] Liked (2192 words)
I've tried to ignore this as best I can and not write any more long author's notes about it since it's by no means the majority of my readers causing the problem, but seeing as the ignoring route is not making it go away, I'm going to try this again.



The flames are getting old. I don't mean people who are expressing concern over the break up or worried about how Spike and Buffy are going to get back together. I mean the personal, vicious attacks that I have been getting several of each chapter for weeks now. This is completely unnecessary, and in all honesty, I've reached my breaking point.



A little over a week ago, my grandmother died unexpectedly. We were very close, and needless to say, I'm not in the best place emotionally right now. Wednesday night, I came home from being out of town for her funeral, checked my mail, and found two vicious flames waiting for me. To be blunt, this didn't make me feel any better. I've already spent most of the week either crying or on the verge of tears, and to have people telling me point blank not only that I'm a bad writer (who apparently wasted her time at Writercon), but also making personal statements about me, such as doubting my ability to be in a relationship, has made things all the more difficult.



I seriously don't know how much more of this I can take. I've tried to be strong and keep posting because the majority of my readers are very kind to me, and I don't want to let any of you down. From the reviewers who have publically stood up for me to the lurkers who are silently enjoying the fic, I want to see this story to the end for all of you. However, when it comes right down to it, fanfic is a hobby, and right now, it's a hobby that is quickly losing its enjoyment for me. While I do realize the majority of my reviews are very positive--and I thank you all so much for that--I'm having a very hard time dealing with the attacks, especially with what's going on in my life right now. I've gotten to the point where I dread posting new chapters for this story. Every time I see a review in my inbox, I cringe as I open it, waiting to see if someone's going to tell me how horrible I am again. And as much as the positive reviews outweigh the negative--and believe me when I say, you guys are the reason this fic hasn't been pulled from this site--the negative ones are getting to be more than I can handle right now.



So please, if you're feeling the need to be a flaming troll, just stop and think for a moment. Lots of people are enjoying this story the way it is, and I'm not going to change everything for a few people who seem to want to ruin things for the rest. I'm a person behind the computer screen, and one who's asking for a little compassion at that. If you're not enjoying the story anymore, you can stop reading and leave it for those who do. You don't have to start reviewing every chapter with a biting diatribe. If this continues, I'm going to have to take a little break from fanfiction for a while, because right now, what I need in my life is not another source of stress, but the escape fanfiction used to be. I don't want to stop writing because I really don't want to do that for all of you who don't deserve something like that, but for my own piece of mind right now, I'm not sure I can take bi-weekly flamethrowing.

49. Chapter Forty-Eight by Addie Logan [Reviews - 38] Liked (2202 words)

50. Chapter Forty-Nine by Addie Logan [Reviews - 43] Liked (2498 words)
I really appreciate all the support I got for the last couple chapters, as well as the complete lack of flames. Hopefully, things can stay that way from now on!

51. Chapter Fifty by Addie Logan [Reviews - 50] Liked (3006 words)

52. Chapter Fifty-One by Addie Logan [Reviews - 41] Liked (2870 words)

53. Chapter Fifty-Two by Addie Logan [Reviews - 58] Liked (2454 words)

54. Chapter Fifty-Three by Addie Logan [Reviews - 54] Liked (2982 words)

55. Chapter Fifty-Four by Addie Logan [Reviews - 51] Liked (2510 words)

56. Chapter Fifty-Five by Addie Logan [Reviews - 37] Liked (3453 words)

57. Chapter Fifty-Six by Addie Logan [Reviews - 47] Liked (2422 words)

58. Chapter Fifty-Seven by Addie Logan [Reviews - 41] Liked (2476 words)

59. Chapter Fifty-Eight by Addie Logan [Reviews - 39] Liked (2176 words)

60. Chapter Fifty-Nine by Addie Logan [Reviews - 41] Liked (2323 words)

61. Chapter Sixty by Addie Logan [Reviews - 29] Liked (2411 words)

62. Chapter Sixty-One by Addie Logan [Reviews - 41] Liked (2891 words)

63. Chapter Sixty-Two by Addie Logan [Reviews - 32] Liked (2677 words)

64. Chapter Sixty-Three by Addie Logan [Reviews - 46] Liked (2634 words)

65. Chapter Sixty-Four by Addie Logan [Reviews - 40] Liked (2680 words)

66. Chapter Sixty-Five by Addie Logan [Reviews - 31] Liked (2378 words)

67. Chapter Sixty-Six by Addie Logan [Reviews - 30] Liked (2383 words)

68. Chapter Sixty-Seven by Addie Logan [Reviews - 45] Liked (2225 words)

69. Chapter Sixty-Eight by Addie Logan [Reviews - 49] Liked (2232 words)

70. Chapter Sixty-Nine by Addie Logan [Reviews - 38] Liked (2131 words)

71. Chapter Seventy by Addie Logan [Reviews - 21] Liked (1138 words)

72. Epilogue by Addie Logan [Reviews - 99] Liked (1287 words)