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Chapter 9
“You couldn’t have been at the funeral because Dawn would’ve seen you and she would’ve told me that you were home.”
“Well, I wanted to blend in with the crowd and…”
“She saw you!”
“Buffy—.”
“My sister—who I complained to over and over again for years—saw you and she never told me,” Buffy paused, breathing heavily. “She let me hate you and let me think that you hated mom—.”
“Wait, hold it, pet.” William tried to touch Buffy’s arm but she scooted away. “Buffy, I told her not to say anything because--.”
“You!”
“Shut up,” he frowned, moving closer, not letting Buffy get away. “You were mourning and I didn’t want to make matters worse. I didn’t want Dawnie to see me but she did and I couldn’t run from her fast enough. If it helps her case, I had to beg. She wanted to tell you very much.”
Buffy tried not to pout as she searched his eyes. “You were in Sunnydale and you didn’t see me?”
“I couldn’t find you—.”
“You didn’t look!” Buffy got to her feet and started to pace. “How could you not, you jerk!”
“Buffy…”
“Where would I be?” She gritted her teeth. “God, I want to kick you so bad, right now.”
“Thanks for the warning.” William got up so he wouldn’t be a sitting target to her pointy shoes. “Were you…were you here, Buffy?”
“Hello, Mr. Obvious!”
“We weren’t talking and you came here?” he said, softly. “I don’t understand.”
“I couldn’t go to the funeral! I couldn’t see her like that!” Buffy’s eyes filled with tears and her chin trembled. “I didn’t know where else to go and this spot means so much…”
He edged towards her, hoping that her guard was down. “Don’t hit me and please don’t kick me,” William whispered, daring to cup her elbow with his palm. “Maybe I wasn’t thinking clearly but don’t hold that against me or your sister. We were trying to do what was best and we mucked it up. I was going to call but I couldn’t so I hopped on the fist plane—I could only stay for the funeral. I longed to see you…” Buffy blinked, wetness sliding down her cheeks. “Don’t. Don’t cry, Buffy. You know I can’t stand it.”
“William,” she croaked between sniffles. “Why aren’t you holding me?”
***
“I know that I can’t stop you from having sex but I can hopefully educate you about doing it safely and if I’m lucky, you’ll both control your…urges and postpone having sex until you’re at least forty.”
Buffy shifted uncomfortably and glanced at William, who looked like he was going to be sick. “Mom…please don’t,” she pleaded. “This is way too embarrassing…”
“No, no, this is my duty as a parent. I can’t have you doing something that’ll you’ll regret. I don’t want a grandchild before you graduate.”
“Mom!”
Joyce took a deep breath and set a stack of papers on to the table. “We’ll start with abstinence and move onto contraceptives…”
“Mom, we took sex education in eighth grade,” Buffy whined.
“…and then we’ll shift into,” Joyce inhaled, looking sadly at Buffy, “teen pregnancy and just because it’s a common occurrence, I may also include some anti-drug and peer pressure lecturing just to be safe.”
***
Buffy swallowed and closed her eyes as her mother slid a stack of pamphlets across the table to each of them. “Am I still grounded?”
“No.”
“But you’ll be watching us like a hawk?”
“It may seem like it but I want you both to be able to make sensible decisions.”
“Can go in my room now?”
“Yes and William can go with you.”
“What do you mean?” Buffy said, peeking open one eye.
“Keep the door open. I won’t come upstairs but I think you and William should talk and maybe read over the literature I gave you...together.”
“Really?”
“Yes, if that’s alright with William. William?”
Buffy looked at him when he didn’t respond. “Mom, you’ve traumatized my boyfriend!”
***
“She’s a psycho. I’m so sorry. Sit. Do you hate me? Please talk to me, William. I can’t believe that she saw us.” Buffy chewed on lip, wondering if he would break up with her. “Please talk to me,” she whispered, touching his hand.
“I could never hate you.” He held both of her hands and looked up at her from were he was sitting on the foot of her bed. “Do you think we’re moving too fast?”
“I don’t know,” she said softly. “Sometimes I think we are but then when you kiss me or…” she looked down shyly, “when you touch me, I change my mind. It feels so right and I love you so much.”
“And you know if we were to get serious that we’d take every precaution imaginable, right? I’m not going to get you pregnant, I swear it. What happened by the garage…I wouldn’t have made love to you like that.”
Buffy felt her cheeks grow warm again. “William…”
“Yes, pet?”
“I…” Once their eyes meet, she lost her train of thought. When she tried to look away again, William pulled her down next to him.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I won’t do anything…I don’t want you to regret anything.”
She nodded, still feeling awkward.
“Nothing will happen unless you’re ready.”
“So, you’re ready? How long have you been…ready? How much longer are you willing to wait?”
“I don’t think what I said came out right.” He cupped her chin, “I’m as uneasy about this as you are.”
“You don’t seem like it. You’re all excited when I’m nearly peeing my pants in fear.”
“Are you scared of me?”
Buffy winced, “No—well—no.”
“That’s not very convincing, Buffy. What did I do to make you afraid of me?”
“I’m not afraid of you!” she insisted.
“You just fear me. Different word, same meaning, pet.”
“I’m trying to explain!”
“Well, do it. I’m listening.”
“You’re mad at me.”
“I’m not,” he said tightly. “But I won’t lie; my feeling are hurt.”
“I’m sorry. I’m being so dumb.”
“Buffy,” William pleaded. “Whatever it is, tell me. I thought you wanted me too. Am I misreading you?”
“No! I just...I can’t do this right now!” Buffy’s heart felt like it was being stabbed, seeing the confusion and pain in William’s eyes. “William, William,” she said, giving him a hug. “I can’t talk right now, not with the door open. Please don’t be mad at me. I’ll come to your room tonight and I’ll tell you everything. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I love you, William and...I do...I want you.” Buffy kissed him on each cheek and tried not to cry. “Dream about our first time every night--.”
“Buffy,” he gasped.
“I mean it.” She kissed his mouth quickly, making their lips smack. “I think about you constantly. It’s not fear. I’m so, so, nervous but I can’t think about...doing it...with anyone else but you.”
“You don’t have to...stop, Buffy.”
“Don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not.”
“You’ll let me explain tonight?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you. Thank you.” She moaned as his hand cradled the back of her head and pulled her to him for a breathtaking kiss. “William...”
“No more talking, pet, until later.”
Buffy nodded, responding to his kisses.
***
Buffy couldn’t help but snuggle backward, enjoying the feel of his chest pressed into her back and his strong arms around her. She didn’t want to speak; worried that it would ruin the moment.
“This...is becoming a fantastic day,” William said, barely above a whisper. “I could hold you for ages.”
She swallowed as he entwined their fingers together.
“I decided long ago, so long ago, that I forgave you. I always understood why you pushed me away and I’ll do anything to be back into your life. I miss you and it’s bloody unbearable to know that you’re living so close but I can’t be there...”
“If you always understood, you shouldn’t have cheated on me…”
***
Buffy?”
“She’s snoring.” Buffy’s hand shook as she closed the door and locked it.
“You look...is that new?”
“Kinda.” She pulled on the hem of her nightgown, making sure it didn’t go up too much as she climbed into his bed. “Can I?”
“Sure.” He held her close and shivered as Buffy ran her fingers along his bare chest. “Buffy, you were going to tell me something?”
“Yeah.”
“Take your time.”
She kissed his chest and continued to give him feathery touches until she heard a catch in his breath.
“You aren’t talking, love,” he groaned.
“You can touch me.” She wiggled and whispered in his ear, “I like that nickname.”
“Giles...he said you might. I’ve been watching a lot of...English television with him.”
“Stop holding your breath.”
“Buffy...”
Biting her lip, she moved one of his hands so it rested on her breast. When he started to caress her, she closed her eyes and nudged the bulge in his pajama pants with her leg.
“What are you up to?”
“I’m explaining, William.” She kissed him passionately and gasped in his mouth as she cradled the weight of her body between his legs.
“Buffy,” he moaned, shifting his hips slightly. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“No.”
“Then what…”
“Remember when I told you that I wasn’t a reader girl?”
“Vaguely, my head…it’s very foggy at the moment.”
“I lied. I read a lot.”
“Good for you.”
“Shut up,” she laughed, kissing down his neck.
“Buffy, may I?”
“Um, yes.”
“Yes?”
She nodded and grunted as he bunched her nightgown at her waist. “The books I read have a lot of…love in them.”
“You mean romance novels?”
“Yeah, and they are good and stuff but…”
“What?”
She took a deep breath as William’s hands explored her naked top half. Her gown kept creeping up until it was at her armpits.
“It’s up to you but…can I see you, Buffy?”
“William…”
“Never mind, pet. The blankets can stay up if it makes you more comfortable. You were talking about romance novels, yeah? I can’t wait to see where this conversation is heading,” he said with a laugh.
“Well—okay, this is bugging me.” While keeping the covers up, she pulled off her nightgown and dropped it on the floor. William’s eyes bugged out as she settled back on top of him. She grabbed each of his hands, “Hold me.”
“Alright,” he swallowed.
“In books, no matter how romantic they are…when they describe…you know…”
“What?”
“You know!” she whined. “Holy Crap, William! This is hard for me to explain! My face is red isn’t it?”
“I didn’t think I was nagging you. I thought you wanted to talk but you were all over me.”
Buffy’s eyes narrowed, “You complaining?”
“No, not in the slightest. My girlfriend is topless in my bed—things are going very well.”
“Shut up,” she laughed softly. “Don’t tease me.”
“Out with it.”
“When I said that I was afraid, it wasn’t because of you…completely. If you’ve been noticing, I freak out whenever you know what gets in the picture.” Before he could ask, she snaked a hand between them. “You know,” she hissed, pressing her palm against his erection.
“Oh.”
“Yes.”
“You’re afraid of…”
“Please don’t laugh or make fun of me!” She took her hand away so she could hug him with both arms and bury her head in his chest. “In books—they are never nicely described! They’re red and demanding and—throbby! Girls—our stuff is described with pretty metaphors like flowers and—don’t think that I’m stupid! I’m just a big baby that’s all!”
“Buffy.”
“No! I’m dumb, don’t look at me!”
“Buffy,” he said, gently sitting up and moving her head so she had to look at him. “I don’t think you’re dumb or stupid or a baby.”
“You’re just saying that so you can look at me when I’m topless,” she pouted, keeping their chests glued together as she wrapped her legs around his waist.
“No, no, I understand.”
“How can you? Your…thing is your best friend!”
“No,” he laughed. “You are. It’s my second best friend.”
“You’re teasing me again!”
“I love you, Buffy. You’re amazing.” He continued to smile, kissing her forehead. “But really, what kind of books are you reading, love? Does Joyce now about this?”
“Oh! Don’t tell!”
“You hide them?”
“Just like you hide your dirty magazines.”
“You saw those?”
Buffy laughed, nuzzling his face with her nose. “I love you too.”
“Just not all of me?”
“That’s right.”
“You could’ve fooled me a few minutes ago.”
“That was nice, wasn’t it?”
“Oh, yes.”
“Are you upset? Did I hurt your feelings again?”
“I’m alright.”
“You sure?”
“I still have my girlfriend topless.”
“Cute, William.”
“You know, Buffy, we have awhile before your mom gets up at the crack of dawn and tomorrow’s Saturday…”
“What are you saying?”
“We don’t have to sleep,” he offered with an innocent shrug.
“That so?”
Smirking, he laid her on her back. “Can’t I take a peek?”
“What? This will be some sort of ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’?”
“That,” he swallowed, “sounds nice.”
“I really don’t want to be afraid of you.” Buffy put her hand on his face and kissed him tenderly.
“I’ll keep my red, throbby bits to myself—unless you want to be acquainted…”
“Maybe later? I think I need to take tiny steps. I just admitted my problem, William.”
“Okay, pet.”
“William…”
“Please, Buffy?”
“I guess.” Buffy threaded her fingers through his hair, pushing his head to her chest.
***
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