When someone is about to die they are granted one moment, just one moment of clarity. It is in this moment that their eternal fate is decided. What you think in those few seconds before death reaches out his clammy hand to choke the last breath from your failing lungs is the last blow between heaven and hell in the war that rages for your soul. But I guess living on a hell mouth and being a vampire can alter the outcome. The last thing I thought was I hope she makes it, I hope she lives. I don’t remember much, just searing pain and heat. I heard someone laughing but I think it was me, I also remember feeling complete. It was as if the reason for everything happened to me the way it did was to eventually save that girl, to protect her to the end. I guess I didn’t though, I guess I failed her. That must be why I’m here, why I deserve to be here. In hell.
It’s not as I would have thought, no fire, no pint sized goblins poking me in the ass with pitch forks, no lawyers. No, that would have been easy to handle. Instead I’m tormented by visions of my Buffy being killed in everyway imaginable. That’s not even the worst part though, I’m the one killing her. There’s a voice that talks to me while the visions play in my head telling me it’s real and I know sooner or later I’m going to believe it. I’m going to become the monster it keeps telling me I am. As long as I’m here though and god willing she is still alive, it’s worth it.
It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth losing Spike over. There must have been another way. Why couldn’t he just have believed me when I told him I loved him. Of course it wasn’t true at the time, well it was but I was just too blonde to figure it out, but still. He left me to save me, but he still left me. I never thought he would. Sunnydale was rebuilt and it’s up and running again as if they’re never was a fight that could have ended the world there less then a year ago. That means I’ll be going home again at least. I’m tired of running around the world giving the same “Into every generation, there are the chosen ones. The thousands of girls in all the world chosen to blah blah blah.” I need to get home and give Spike a proper burial which will be hard since there is no Spike to bury. I guess that was a stupid idea. I haven’t let myself think about it too much, I’ve gotta wait until I get home to grieve because if I start now I’ll be useless to my friends and they need me, they always need me. But what about what I need?
“MMmmmm, you smell nice slayer, like vanilla and fear.” he growled while circling her. “It’s been too long since I’ve had a taste wouldn’t you say pet?” and with that he lunged at her. Sinking his teeth in as hard as he could he drank from her until she fell limp into his arms. Looking down at her he smiled softly and gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Now be a good little slayer and play dead!” he said as he dropped her lifeless body to the ground and lit a smoke.
In reality he was chained to wall in a dank basement but he was under the influence of some of the oldest magicks in the world.
“It’s done!” the creature watching the display in Spikes mind laughed. “Druscilla you truly are fantastic, getting into his head like that. Now all we have to do is wipe the memories of Buffy and her friends from his mind and we can send him back.”
“But he has a soul now, telling him he’s naughty and ought to be punished for being himself. It stings him like a needle.” Dru whined.
“The soul cannot be removed but it can be turned off so to say. Once we deal with that you’ll have your slayer slaughtering William back.”
“Do you promise daddy?” Dru asked.
“ I promise baby.” Angel replied with a smile.
Buffy will never know what hit her. That stupid bitch, picking Spike over me. What was she thinking? How could she do that to me? It doesn’t matter now, she’ll get Spike back and she’ll have to stake him. And when she does she’ll realize she still loves me, that she needs me.
“Home sweet home.” Buffy thought with a sigh as she finished bringing all the boxes into her new place. Giles had bought it for her as a gift, paid for in full. She grabbed a diet pepsi from the fridge and sat down on her couch. It was strange to live all alone. Willow and Kennedy lived a few blocks over, Xander lived right next door and Dawn was living with her father and going to school in Europe. Giles was still travelling to find the slayers but had insisted that the Scooby gang go back to Sunnydale since it was after all still a hell mouth. She took a sip of her drink and let her thoughts wander to the handsome bleached blond vampire. “No you don’t but thanks for saying it1”, you stupid bastard. You should have come with me. The look on his face when she’d told him she loved him had been haunting her dreams nightly. He had looked so peaceful, so grateful knowing that he was not only about to die to save her, but to save the world. All those times I called him a monster, a soulless demon who could never love. But that wasn’t him it was me. It was me who lost my soul and become the monster. And it was him who brought me back to life. It would be a year tomorrow since he died, it was going to be the longest day of her life.
“Bloody hell where the fuck am I? Spike said groggily, coming out of a deep sleep.
“It’s okay my William I’m here.”
“Dru? Baby? What’s going on, I feel strange.”
“Took a nasty blow to the head fighting a naughty demon you did. You’ve been sleeping for quite awhile. But I’ve some news to cheer my sweet William up.”
“Ya and what’s that pet?”
“I know where there’s a tasty little slayer waiting to be killed.” She whispered in a sing song voice.
Spike curled his tongue in front of his teeth and smirked as he replied “Well the big bad’s back and he’s hungry” he growled as he pushed Dru onto the bed and began to fuck her furiously.
Afterwards while Dru lay sleeping in his arms he let his mind drift to the slayer he was going to kill tomorrow. He had a brief vision of golden hair and green eyes. He didn’t know how he knew but he was sure she was beautiful. God she’s going to taste good he thought before he drifted into sleep.
“Did I wake you?”
“No I’ve been up for hours.” Buffy lied. “Something I can help you with Angel?”
“Well I know what day this is and I thought you might need someone there with you. I was planning on flying down today, I’d be in around 11 pm.” He replied. That gives Spike and Dru enough time to find her and her to kill them. He was excited to have Spike taken care of.
“Sure, that would be okay I guess. Bye Angel.” She said and promptly hung up.
Angel thought about what he’d done and felt no remorse. He could have left Spike dead but with the resources available at Wolfram and Hart and his sick need for vengeance he couldn’t let Spike die a champion and he certainly couldn’t let him die in Buffy’s good graces. He was sorry that he’d had to drag Dru into this though. She had no idea she was being used. She was always entertaining to have around but he needed her to warp Spikes mind and to play the role of Spikes girlfriend once again. Dru would be the first to die, although she was stronger than most vampires, mentally she was weak. Buffy would kill her to make Spike insane so that he couldn’t think straight and she would use that to her advantage. God he loved letting Angelus out a little bit. There was only one flaw with the plan but it was too minor to really worry about. The magicks being used on Spike were strong but it was possible for him to get flashes, quick visions of the life Angel and Dru were attempting to hide. Nothing big, Angel thought with a grin and most likely not in time anyway.
Buffy was in the middle of her first nightly patrol back in Sunnydale. She was wearing black leather pants and a blood red tank. Spike had always loved those colors on her. Her hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, easier to see vamps creeping up on her that way. She was getting bored, not much action out tonight. Maybe there’s something that goes bump in the night that scared away the things that go bump in the night she thought and a shiver ran down her spine. Might as well head back home and call it a night. She headed back to the entrance when she heard a noise. Turning around quickly her heart stopped as she recognised the woman standing before her.
“Leaving so soon and Miss Edith hasn’t even had a chance to play. Tsk Tsk that was rude.” Dru crooned while she swayed to music only she could hear. “William would be disappointed too, wouldn’t you darling?” she said and Buffy almost fell as Spike came walking out of the dark to stand by the crazy vampires side.
“Well ya.” Spike laughed before thinking about what he said and adding “As alive as a dead thing can be.” He finished with a smirk.
“But how?” Buffy asked and her eyes began to water. “Why didn’t you come for me and why are you with her?” Her heart was breaking and she didn’t care who saw it.
Something’s not right here Spike thought. Why is she crying, why is she sad?
“Scared a little are we luv. Don’t worry, I’ll make it slow and painful.”
“I wanna play first Spike” Druscilla whined knowing she always got her way.
Spike stepped back to enjoy the show. Dru lunged at Buffy with her nails and swiped the slayer across her face leaving 2 gashes that dripped with blood. That was all it took to snap Buffy out of it. This wasn’t her Spike and she was gonna finish what she’d started more then 4 years ago. Dodging the next punch she spun and kicked Dru hard enough to send her flying.
“You’re one hell of a woman Buffy, you’re the one.” Spike was losing his mind. Why was he having flashes of this girl he’d never met and why was he being nice to her in them? He was so lost in his thoughts that he never saw Buffy get the upper hand, never saw her pin Dru to the ground. Snapping out of it he ran to save her but it was too late, the stake hit her in the heart and she was dust. Wiping herself off while Spike screamed Buffy looked up at him with tears running down her face. “You’re next” was the only warning he got before he was being pummelled in the face by her tiny hand. “You bitch” he screamed “You killed her! The only woman I ever loved and you killed her.” Something broke in Buffy then and he knew it. He punched her with everything he had and it knocked her in her ass. “It’s over slayer” he hissed and he lowered his mouth to her neck. Why isn’t she fighting me? Just then a vision of her holding his hand and looking into his eyes flooded his mind. As his fangs pierced her neck and he began to drink memories came flooding back. Them working together to stop Angel, fighting side by side, him comforting her, then having sex in his crypt, him trying to rape her, fighting to win his soul back, him loving her. “Oh god Buffy!” he cried as he released his deadly hold on her. He had taken a lot of blood. “I’m sorry.” he cried over and over again to the still form lying beneath him. “Oh god I’m sorry, Buffy please be okay please wake up!” he screamed at her. Too lost in his grief to think straight he assumed her dead. Had this been anyone but a slayer she would have been but at that moment she was just Buffy, his little Buffy and she was dead. He was sobbing now and allowed himself one last look at the love of his life. He lied down next to her and took the stake from her hand. Pressing it against his heart he prayed to god he would suffer in hell for what he did. He bent over to kiss her one last time and was about to plunge the stake into himself when a tiny tanned hand stopped him. “Buffy?” he choked out. “Spike?” she whimpered with wide eyes. “You remember?” Hearing her voice was too much for him and he broke down. She helped him up and carried him to her place. When they got there she placed the hysterical Spike on her couch where he fell into a deep sleep. She watched him tossing and turning and her heart bled for him. She went to the bathroom to clean the bite he had given her when she heard the phone ring. Picking up quickly so as not to wake Spike she answered,
“Hello?”
“Buffy, thank god. It’s Fred, I work for Angel.”
“I remember, you needed Willow once for a spell.If you’re looking for her I can give you her number.”
“No it’s not that. Angels completely lost his mind. Wesley and I just figured out what he’s been up to. We had to warn you before he got there.
“What’s going on?” Buffy asked with starting to feel sick.
“When Spike died he went to heaven.” Fred rushed on “But Angel was so overcome with rage that it was Spike who had died your champion that he brought him back hear. To Wolfram and Hart.”
“Why? Why would he do that?” Buffy cried.
“He still loves you Buffy. He was convinced that if he could get you to kill Spike that things would go back to the way they used to be between you before you had feelings for Spike. He blames him for the 2 of you not being together. He pulled Spike out and put him in a simulated hell he created and used magicks and Druscilla to warp his mind and play with his memories.”
“I see thank you Fred. You do know what I have to do right?”
“ We know. Just remember it’s not Angelus you’re dealing with, it’s Angel and he can be much more dangerous.” With that Buffy hung up the phone just as the doorbell rang.
She went to the door and opened it, a grim look on her face and a stake in her hand.
“Buffy what’s wrong?” Angel asked, fake compassion on his face.
“I ran into an old friend tonight Angel, do you know anything about it?
“Come in.” she said and brought him to the living room. Angel saw Spike there and lost his temper. “What’s he doing here Buffy you were supposed to kill him!” he screamed. Neither one saw the blond vampire open his eyes.
“Why? Because you wanted me too you selfish bastard! Because you think you love me and that this was the way to get me back?
“I do love you Buffy. You have to kill him so you can see that what you two had isn’t real and that what we have is!”
“How can you say you love me when you tried to get me to kill the man I love?” she whispered. Spike’s eyes widened at her admission. He hadn’t believed her when she’d told him the first time but it was true.
“He’s not a man he’s a monster!” angel replied and backhanded her hard enough to make her lip bleed.
“He is twice the man you ever were and the love I have for him is real. Not like the puppydog love I had for you before I knew what love really was!” she yelled and plunged the stake through his already dead heart. “ Burn in hell you prick!” she screamed as he turned to dust. Turning around she saw Spike standing there, a look of amazement on his face. “Spike” she cried and ran into his arms. “ I’m here pet, I’m here.”
He took her face into his hands and wiped the blood from her mouth before lowering his head to kiss her. “ I love you Spike. I always will, you’re the one.” She whispered. “I’ve waited two lifetimes to hear that, I love you Buffy.” Spike answered softly.
“Always?” she asked quietly.
“Forever.” He replied with a smile that would stay on his face as long as she was by his side.
The end
