Spike-The Dark

It was all ruined. His lower level. Some damned demon eggs he didn't even put there and a grenade fucked it up. He knew she was there before she even spoke.

"Spike."

Games. That was all she played with him and he was tired of it. Earlier he thought he could bring her into the darkness. But then he realized. You can't drag someone where they already were. Sure, he loved her. But she was just using him. And no amount of closeness was worth being used-at all.

He turned to face her. "Slayer." He got a weird inward pleasure when she winced at his use of her title.

"Spike, this has to stop. This...whatever...between you and me." Buffy said. Underneath the sympathy she somehow found in all her numbness, she was congratulating herself for being self-righteous and mature.

"You're right." He bet she didn't expect him to say those two words of all things. He was right, she didn't.

"I'm-what?" Buffy looked at him in astonishment.

"You're right, Slayer. I'm tired. I'm tired of your games. The ones you play with me. Yeah, I'm a demon. But I have a heart and you're stomping all over it, an'...I'm tired. Never bothered me 'till today how we were: you, using me and then running in the end. Well, it has to stop, now. I love you, and I'll be there for you and Sweet bit, but I can't let you continue to use me, whether you think so or not, Slayer.

"Truth is, you're killing me, love. Slayer, I'm dying. Not in a physical sense, course. But where it matters most. In my heart. I changed so much for you, but all I am is a bloody sex toy when you need to forget and run away. No amount of closeness is worth this."

"Spike-" the Slayer attempted to say.

"Let me finish. I loved you. And you used it. You used it so that I'd protect Niblet. You used it so that I would be your cold comfort. You used it so that I could be your willing punching bag. Well, I'm not. Not anymore. I have to be the strong one in all of this. I can't continue like this, Buffy. It's killing me. I'm sorry. Bye."

He turned back to the mess and tried to see what he'd have to steal.

"But, Spike-"

"Don't let the door hit you on your way out, Slayer."

He heard her leave. He felt her leave. And he smiled to himself. He didn't need anyone in the darkness with him. He was just fine by himself.

Buffy-The Light

She was out in the light. She and him were over. She initially tried to end it, but he got it first. He got it all out. And she was in the light.

'I'm tired of your games. The ones you play with me.'

Did she always play games? She thought as she started to walk through the cemetery, the sun shining down on her.

'All you do is play games!'

His speech unnerved her to no end. Was she really as bad as he made her sound?

'I could never be your girl!'

So, she really was as bad as she sounded. Some of the things he said, she already knew.

'But I've got a heart and you're stomping all over it an'...I'm tired.'

'You, using me, and then running in the end.'

Some were true and hurtful and things she felt really bad about now that she heard it from his mouth.

'Truth is, you're killing me, love. Slayer, I'm dying.'

'But where it matters most. In my heart.'

'But all I am is a bloody sex toy for you when you need to forget and run away.'

She'd never really thought about how he felt. She just used him until all she had was that shell of him.

'I loved you. And you used it...so that I'd protect Niblet...so that I could be your cold comfort...so that I could be your willing punching bag...'

What hurt the most was in the end. She still didn't want it to stop. She was hurt that he did. He told her it was killing him in a metaphorical sense. What they were doing was actually killing him. And in turn, killing her.

'No amount of closeness is worth this.'

She was back in the light with her friends and family. Enjoying the warmth of the sun. But the one she...liked? Wanted? Might love? He was in the darkness. He opened the door and pushed her into the light.

She hugged her arms to her chest.

She'd never felt so alone in the light.

So, with her head held high and a smile on her face, she stopped in front of the cemetery gates, turned around and walked back to his crypt.

Buffy-Just A Bit Of Reassurance To One's Self

"Just go inside. I mean, sure, he just told you off in a big way about all the horrible things you've done this year and then he kicked you out, but he'd listen if you went back in...right?"

Sure, she can say she's going to go back and talk to him. But that doesn't mean she'll do it. What if he kicked her out again? Or-or he decided to skip town on her? What would she say to Dawn? 'Oh, you know, I am the reason they all run away. I mean, look at Spike. I abused him all year and he finally left.'

"Oh...Dawn would hate me for that."

And why the hell was she outside his crypt, a second from knocking on the door and having a two-sided conversation with herself? This was Spike...who she wanted, needed and might love.

Spike was stirring so many feelings inside her. Feelings she thought she'd never feel again. All it took was for him to push her away...make himself unavailable for her. And her she was acting just as bad as him, stalking his home.

"I'm not stalking. I'm deciding. And standing outside his crypt while I do it. It's perfectly normal..."

She wondered for a moment if Spike was going crazy, being able to tell she was out there, pacing outside and trying to think of things to say to him. To make him change his mind. Let her back in.

She had to laugh at that thought. Hadn't she deliberately come by in the daytime so he couldn't follow her? So that he couldn't change her mind? And there she was getting ready to do the same exact thing. She was such a hypocrite.

"Spike. I'm sorry about everything I've done. From the nasty comments to the fighting. I had this thing. I call it Denial Buffy. Everything I don't want to believe allows it to kick in. And, with you, it's been in overdrive. You may not have noticed, but when I'm-God, I sound like I'm giving a speech on feelings.

"I'm never going inside. That's it. I'm not." She turned away and took a couple steps away. "And he's gonna think I believed it all...which I did, but..."

Why was she so nervous? Was Spike that important? Did she have to be perfect when she went to him? He wasn't God Almighty.

"God, I hate this! I'm going in."

Set with determination, she turned to the crypt and marched inside.

Spike-An Expected Arrival, Unexpected Confession

"Five...four...three...two...one..."

Buffy burst into the crypt on cue and looked at Spike, sitting in his chair. "Okay, I'm going to talk. Only me. And you're going to listen."

When Spike only stared at her, she took a deep breath.

"Okay. So, you were kinda right. About the 'me using you' part. And I'm sorry."

Spike's eyes widened. Where was she getting at and was this some new way to torture him? Pretending to feel bad?

"I'm sorry that I've been wrapped up in my own little ball all year. I didn't think what our...thing...was doing to you. Only that it made me feel better and that was what really counted, right?" She let out a shattered breath and ran her hands through her blond hair.

Oh how he had loved her hair when it was long. Such golden beauty. And she cut it out of spite. Marring herself to try and turn him away. But it didn't.

"Wrong. I missed all the other things happening to my friends. And now I see everything. Willow won't get better without Tara. Dawn needs more attention so she doesn't go Klepto-Girl on me. Xander isn't ready to marry Anya yet and he'll break her heart if it happens now." She walked closer to him and he restrained himself from getting out of the chair as she knelt in front of it, face-to-face with him. "And me, I realized that I want to be with you."

"What?"

Yep. New way of torturing him. Play with his emotions. Make him hopeful and then shoot him down. Or maybe it was a dream. A horrible, cruel dream he'd wake up from in seconds...

"I want to be with you. This isn't a joke. This isn't a dream. I think I've been wallowing in my self-pity and world-hatred long enough. I will tell everyone: Willow, Xander, Anya, Dawn, and Tara. I'll even call Giles in England and Angel in L.A. I'll go on the top of your crypt right now and shout at the top of my lungs that I want to be with you."

For once, the Goddess of Words agreed with Buffy and let all the right words come out.

Spike's defenses were crumbling slowly but surely as she continued to speak.

"You may not have noticed, but I was myself when I was with you. You took away the pedestal I somehow got placed on...and...I love you for it." She smiled when his jaw dropped. "Whoo...I'm just full of confessions."

"You love me?" Spike echoed the only part his mind was able to wrap around. Loved him? She loved him? Holy fucking...

"Yes." She placed her hands on his thighs and positioned her face inches from his. "I, Buffy Anne Summers, am very deeply, very emotionally, no way out, searing red hot, no 'sweet dreams are made of this', real, hurtful, cold and bitterly in love with you, Spike. Question is, will you let me love you?"

Spike lost himself in the sincere green eye that showed love, and for him. He fell for her all over again. All he saw was a sea of green as she moved closer to him. Then, her lips were on his, asking.

Asking for forgiveness.

Asking for requited love.

Asking for a new start.

Asking for entrance. To be allowed back into his heart. For permanent residence.

For reconciliation.

And it came with almost no hesitation.

A/N: Serious writers’ block was my problem for an entire month. And this is probably the lamest plot point ever, so sue me.

The Plan

Kita: Operation, Separation

Kita had to work quickly. Her sire was depending on her to make this right. To get what was rightly theirs back. She was “the beautiful girl who would bring back her Spike and hurt the nasty Slayer.”

Drusilla wanted her Spike back, and when she met Kita, she knew Kita would be able to do it. She knew her childe would do anything in her power to make her sire happy and used it to her advantage.

She’d already performed a spell to give Buffy nightmares once she had Spike in her possession. Then, she’d do the spell to change his memory and get the hell out of town. To where Prague never happened, and Drusilla didn’t sleep with Angelus. To where Spike didn’t ally himself with the Slayer, and he didn’t threaten to kill Drusilla in order to prove his love to Buffy. In basic, changing his memories of the past four years, and giving him new ones that Drusilla and Kita would also have.

“Now, in order to keep him away from Buffy…”

It was a simple, really. An incantation, a candle, and voila, done.

“Goddess of Darkness, hear your child.
Allow my wish, bring him back.
Once a faithful child of the night.
Draw him from the path, stray from the light.
Once again in the darkness.
So mote it be.”

She extinguished the one candle and a sinister smile crossed her face. “Dear, dear, ‘brother’, it’s time to come home to mommy.”

Spike: The Call of the Darkness

He was walking through the cemetery, on his way to Buffy’s house when a wind blew through him, settling inside him. He automatically forgot about the patrol/date he and Buffy had set up for tonight.

He made and abrupt turn in the opposite direction and headed that way, as if under some spell. He stopped in front of the Crawford Street Mansion, dubbed in his mind as the Poofy House of the Equally Poofy Angel.

“What the…?” he trailed off, confused.

“Come inside…” a female voice seemed to float in the air around him.

Spike tried to convince himself that the only reason he was going inside was to see the hell he’d come to the mansion. Then he’d go to Buffy’s, apologize for being late and they’d go like planned.

“So, you came.” She came out of the darkness slowly. She wasn’t particularly beautiful, but she was unique. Lavender eyes locked on his, brown hair framing her face.

“Who are you?” Spike asked warily. She may have looked gentle as a flower; but he learned from Glory, Drusilla and Buffy; looks have nothing to do with deadliness. And the little slip of a girl in front of him was no exception.

“Name’s Kita. Can’t you feel it?” She asked in a soft voice, drawing him closer. “The bond? We’re family. And family looks out for family.”

“Dru sired you.” Spike said, wondering what hold she had on him.

Kita nodded. “Yes. She talked so much of you… I just had to meet you.” She smiled as Spike unconsciously moved closer. Drusilla wasn’t the only one able to do trance-like magic.

“She wants her family back, Spike. Can you help give her that?” her voice became a mere whisper, dragging Spike deeper.

No! Date with Buffy…can’t fall in… Spike thought as his eyes drooped. He stumbled into Kita’s arms. They sank to the floor. “What…what did you do to me?”

“Nothing serious. Or for you to worry about, Spike. Just let it come…” she whispered in his ear. “Let it take over you. When you wake up, everything will be fine.”

Despite the fact that; logically, somewhere deep done inside; Spike knew she was lying, he could still feel himself sinking deeply into the magic being performed on him.

“No…” he muttered, trying to shake the cobwebs in his mind away.

“Yes…” Kita said, smiling as his eyelids closed and he went limp in her arms.

“Catch Spike: check.”

Buffy: Stood Up

“He’s only an hour late. I’m okay with that. An hour doesn’t mean a lot. It’s just an hour.” Buffy repeated to herself as she paced her room.

“That’s it.” She grabbed her jacket and was only a blur as she left her room and ran down the stairs. “Patrolling!” she called out to Willow and Dawn as she left. Her first stop was Spike’s crypt, the most obvious place to look for and find him, other than her house or the Magic Box.

She pushed the door open and entered looking around. No signs of a fight, I’m so gonna kill him.

“Spike, there better be a good reason for that damn hour!” She checked the lower level, though there was no point. It was a wreck.

The silence disturbed her as she thoroughly searched his crypt. She headed upstairs and was startled by Clem entering.

Clem was also startled and dropped his snacks. “Buffy!”

“Oh, you dropped your snacks.” She helped him pick them up, feeling bad for frightening him. Look at the mighty Slayer! She feels guilty for frightening a “good” demon.

“That’s okay. How come you’re not with Spike?” the demon asked.

“Huh?” It was obvious that she was confused. She was about to ask him where Spike was. She looked around as he explained.

“Spike left an hour and a half ago, figuring it’d be good if he was early.” Clem saw the look on the Slayer’s face as his words sunk into her brain. “What’s wrong?”

Buffy looked up. “He didn’t get to my house, Clem.”

A/N: My excuse for Kita and Spike is that I was in Spanish

Feelings

Buffy: A Nightmare

Buffy went home, telling herself that Spike was fine. That he took a detour to a bar and was still there, drinking himself to unconsciousness. He’d just forgotten about their date and he’d come by tomorrow, with a humongous hangover, and apologize profusely for forgetting their date and getting drunk. And she’d forgive him and they’d makeup, because he was okay.

She didn’t try to patrol. After being attacked three times and barely winning, because Spike’s disappearance didn’t add up, she decided to go home.

“Hey, Buffy, slow night?” Willow asked.

Buffy looked at her, clearly not having noticed her being there. “Huh? Oh. Yeah. Very slow. Dead night.”

“You look tired. Like you should take a nice long rest.” Willow said, looking concerned for the Slayer.

“Sleep. Sleep I can do. I’m all over it.” She left Willow downstairs to head to her own room where she changed into pajamas. She slipped in between the sheets of he bed, falling to sleep quickly.

Buffy walked down Main Street when a noise in an alley caught her attention. At the dead end, she saw an ominous pile of dust. She went over to it and began to search through it until she found what she knew to be Spike’s lighter.

Something formed in the pit of her stomach. Something she couldn’t understand. It was just a feeling that continued to grow larger and larger. Spike’s lighter, with a pile of dust…

“Spike.” She whispered. “No!” she screamed as grief clung to her. He couldn’t be dead. He just couldn’t.

“Aww…poor Buffy. Crying over her lover’s ashes.” The Slayer looked up to see a girl with brown hair and lavender eyes. She held a stake on her hand, the tip bloody.

“You did it!” Buffy attacked the unknown female in a rage. She punched and kicked with ferocity that even Spike hadn’t known.

The bloodied girl laughed as her bruises faded away. “This is a dream world, Buffy. There was no point to that. But, did it make you feel better?”

“I won’t feel better until you’re dust.”

She smirked. “Don’t be silly, Buffy. Killing me won’t bring him back.”

Buffy stared at the girl in shock. “No.”

She smiled. “What? Lonely? Wait ‘til you see this. It’s so cool.” The brunette waved her hand and time seemed to reverse. But Buffy was still there, immobile as the unknown female grabbed Spike from behind, knocking his lighter out of his pocket. It hit the ground, the sound echoing as the stake entered his chest.

She tried to will herself to attack as his eyes met hers and he arched his back in pain before collapsing to dust.

Buffy sat up, eyes wide and breathing hard. “Oh, God no. Oh, please, God, no.”

Kita: Siempre Cosas de Marca Como yo Quiero (Always Make Things As I Want)

Kita watched as the minions set the one hundred seventeen candles around her and Spike, getting ready for the spell. Of course, Spike was still out cold. If he knew what she was attempting to do, he’d run. She placed four additional candles, two on either side of her and a single white one in front.

At midnight, with a simple incantation, all the black candles were ignited. She closed her eyes and felt the power flow and center around her. “A past incorrigible,” she recited, feeling the power grow, “A present undesirable. Memories are painful, not of light heart.”

The candles’ flames flared as the wind blew. “Allow the could’ve beens to rule to memories.” She lit the four red candles in front of her slowly. “The red is for each year gone wrong. I light each one, asking for the years to be erased.”

Kita then held the one white candle. “The white for a new start. In the name of the Goddess of the Dark, I ask for the alternate path. It is my wish, so mote it be.”

A gust of wind blew ad the candles went out. Kita’s eyes snapped open, black, as Spike’s body jerked and stilled. They soon faded back to lavender.

She stood. “Take him to his new room. He’ll be fine soon.” She commanded to two minions before going in search of her sire.

“My girl...” Drusilla smiled as Kita entered her room where she played with a doll.

“Sire, I’ve performed the spell.” Kita said. “The Slayer’s having nightmares. Our location can’t be found even with the strongest location spell and he won’t even remember his life after thinking of going to Prague, which never happened as Sunnydale hadn’t.”

“You make your mummy proud. We’ll have a party in your honor!” Drusilla cupped Kita’s cheek and kissed her on the lips before dancing away.

“There’s only one motto in the world...well, there should be.” Kita smiled darkly. “Siempre cosas de marca como yo quiero.” She twirled the tiny piece of metal in her hand. “Always make things as I want.”

Spike: Para Olvidarse (To Forget)

Spike awoke to a bed of red silk sheets, his favorite. The room was dark, thick curtains hanging from the windows. He pulled himself out of bed and went to look for Drusilla and Kita. He stopped a passing minion. “Where are Drusilla and Kita?”

“In Mistress Drusilla’s bedroom.” The minion said trying to stay out of Spike’s way.

Before he could reach for it, Kita opened the door and smiled at Spike. “Feeling okay?”

“You’re a miracle worker.” Spike complimented. He kissed her cheek. “That wanker just went down the wrong way.”

“You were something to stay away from.” Kita said. “I’ll just leave you two to play catch up. After…days of separation, you’re probably missing each other.” Kita said, leaving the two vampires to be alone.

Spike looked at his sire and watched fondly as she talked of Miss Edith and the countries they’d visit. He couldn’t help this feeling in the pit of his stomach that something wasn’t right with this.

But, being he had no reason to question it but a gut feeling after being “ill” for a few days, he let it go and tackled Drusilla to the bed. “Get ready, Dru. The Big Bad is back.”

A/N: Some time has passed since the last chapter. Buffy’s told the Scoobies about herself and Spike. Meanwhile, The trio left Sunnydale for parts unknown.

Willow: Watching

She was watching. The vacant look that had vanished from Buffy’s eyes just a little over a week ago was back. Because of Spike. Or, rather, the lack there of. Sure, she’d realized that having Spike around was okay as long as he wasn’t snarky, mean, or violent. And seeing this, he was good for the slayer. And Dawn. Especially when Buffy’d died. He’d been the only one the teenage girl could identify with. Talk comfortably with. Release pent up anger, grief, sadness, and resentment. He was good for her soul. And Buffy’s as well, it seemed.

Poor Buffy, who wouldn’t give up, though it seemed as though Spike had vanished off the face of the Earth. Like he’d been staked.

Buffy looked up at her, as if able to sense the direction of her thoughts. Then, she went back to crossing off the insane locations off the list, such as L.A.

Willow left the room and house, unable to stand and take in the air of defeat in the atmosphere. Buffy may not have admitted it or acted like it, but it was obvious to the redhead that she’d given up all hope of finding Spike. She just didn’t want anyone else to look down on her for it.

She entered the Magic box, thinking. One month. One month, and no Spike.

“Hey, guys,” she said, closing the door behind her.

Xander, Anya, Tara and Dawn greeted her, respectively. “How’s the Buffster doing?” Xander asked, ever caring.

“Oh, fine. In the not sane sense.” Willow grumbled. She sat next to Dawn and sighed. “I mean, I, I know she and Spike had a, a relationship, or whatever, but her guys have a tendency to leave. Why wouldn’t Spike leave too?”

“Because he wouldn’t.” Dawn whispered. They all looked at her, as if not expecting her to speak. “Spike said that he wouldn’t leave, not for anything. They’d have to drag him out kicking and screaming and even then, he’d come back. And besides, he loves us.” Dawn said it with such conviction, as if they’d have to believe her.

Willow mentally slapped herself. Of course Spike wouldn’t leave. He didn’t even leave last summer when he had the chance. If he was still around, as she was gradually becoming sure he was, then he was either in a lot of trouble or somehow unknowing of his predicament. Either way, he needed to be found.

“Okay. So, maybe the manual, turn-everything-over search didn’t work out too well. A-and the locator spell kinda fizzled out. But we have to find Spike. If not for anything else, for Buffy.” Willow said, resolved to do one thing right by Buffy all year long.

Dawn smiled and nodded in agreement. “And me,” She added.

Willow smiled back. “And Dawn.” She looked to her friends, happy to have the forgiveness she knew underlined Dawn’s smile. “So, Spike Search Fest in session?”

Anya nodded, as did Tara. All four females waited for Xander’s answer.

C’mon, Xander. For Buffy. Willow thought desperately.

He reluctantly nodded when face with the resolve face of not only Willow, but equally stubborn were Dawn and Anya’s, added by the soft but determined face of Tara.

“Sure. Let’s find Spike.”

Kita: Absolutely Wonderful

I’m absolutely wonderful, Kita thought as she entered the lair, following Spike and Drusilla. After a month away from the Hellmouth, it was becoming easier to give Spike her “remedy” by slipping in his “secret” liquor cabinet that no one knew about.

Her high opinion of herself was raised when Spike said nothing of Sunnydale, other than that he’d want to go back someday and kill the Slayer. Frankly, Kita was the most overjoyed at the declaration.

“Hey, Spike.” Kita called, thinking it was time for a memory check. “Ever been to Prague?”

The bleached blonde shook his head negatively. “No. Dru wanted to go, but then she liked Brazil more, so we went there. We could probably go sometime this year.”

“That’d be nice. I’d go. Right now, I think I’m gonna go.” Kita looked at her blood-splattered clothes. As an after thought, she added, “change.” She left her sire and Spike in the front hall and entered her room.

She locked the door behind her and quickly changed her clothes before sitting on her bed. She took a deep breath, sending herself into a meditative state.

”You’re back again? What is it? The sixth time this week, the twentieth this month?” Buffy asked in a tired voice.

“Give up, Slayer. Let Spike go. He’s not coming back.” Kita said, circling the Slayer warily. Of course her mind was stronger than the Slayer’s, having traveled this world for more than only in her dreams, so she could keep herself from dying. If you kill the mind, you kill the body. It worked, just not on her. But, she had to be on guard. Always, like Spike thought he taught her.

“He’ll come back. He’d never leave me. And I’m not letting you take him from me!” Buffy lashed out, aiming a kick to Kita’s gut.

Kita jumped back. “Yeah? Well, the thing is, your Spike is gone. Finished.” She watched Buffy’s face carefully. “But not in the dusty sense. No…that’d be too easy. In the he-doesn’t-remember-the-past-four-years sense. He thinks he and Dru never went to the Hellmouth. That Dru never became sick and that you’re just some Slayer in Sunnyhell that he’ll kill someday.”

“No.”

“Look, he’s not in love with you. He doesn’t know you or your friends. The real four years are just some bad nightmare. Okay?”

“The chip?”

“Gone.” Kita had no sympathy. “So…give up. Tell your little friends to give up. And let him go. He’s much happier now in his new memories, rather than the old ones.” Kita walked away from her, disappearing all the while.

Kita blinked before a slow smirk appeared. She once again thought to herself, I’m absolutely wonderful.

Spike: A Gut Feeling

His mind knew. It knew that he and Drusilla never went to Prague. That they found Kita while in Los Angeles and they’ve been traveling the world for the past year. His mind knew that.

But, his body? His body felt as if he’d done more than revel in carnage for the past four years. Like he’d been through hard trials and suffered many things. Like he had more than one scar from all those years ago. Like he’d been through hell and back.

And he knew that sometimes you couldn’t trust the mind. The mind could be easily manipulated. The body was never uncertain, never approximating.

It was a feeling. That this life was wrong. That it shouldn’t be this way. Not in his mind, but in his body. It was a gut feeling. This wasn’t right.

Drusilla: The Right Thing

Miss Edith was being a bad girl to Drusilla. Whispering in her ear that her Spike still loved the Slayer. That she couldn’t change destiny. That he’d find his way back to her. That destiny was a funny thing Drusilla wouldn’t understand until it was too late.

She told Drusilla that Spike had doubts of his memories. He was starting to believe his dreams true. And Drusilla yelled back at bad Miss Edith that that was a lie. Her Spike loved being with her. Loved her. Loved Kita. Loved their life.

And she turned to the stars and the moon, asking them to tell her no lies. And they whispered the same as Miss Edith. Spike belonged to the Slayer now. He wasn’t hers. Not her Spike anymore. He was Buffy’s. Forever and ever. She was the light. He was the dark. Sometimes light needed a shadow. Sometimes the dark needed light.

The right thing would be for Drusilla to listen.

The right thing would be for Drusilla to reverse Kita’s spell.

The right thing would be for Drusilla to convince Spike to go to Sunnydale.

But, then again, Drusilla wasn’t known for doing the right thing.

Spike/Buffy: Hope To Dream/ Dream To Hope

I’m walking through a cemetery. And I know what my destination is. A crypt. Mine. Next to me is this petite blonde girl. I feel like I’ve known her for years. Four to be exact. She turns to me and she says, “Dawn says you came by yesterday. Just to talk to her, like you did before. She was all happy and excited. Hadn’t seen her like that…I guess our drama kinda stopped that, huh?”

Surprisingly, I know how to answer. I know exactly who she’s talking about, what to say. “Kind of got wrapped up in myself, and you, this year.”

The blonde smiles at me. “Who didn’t?”

“Talked to Harris?”

“Him and Anya. Together. Just call me ‘Buffy the Marriage Counselor’.” Buffy says perkily, slipping her hand in his.

“I prefer calling you Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” I answer.

I know this. The night before Spike disappeared. We ran to each other at the cemetery entrance. I was patrolling and he was homebound and we decided to go together. I say as expected, “You would call me that, wouldn’t you?”

“It’s what you are, isn’t it?” Spike asks.

“Yeah, but that’s not all.”

“It’s still a part of you. The sooner you realize that, the happier you’ll be.”

“Hey, I’m happy. I’m Happy Buffy. I’ve got a great job-“

Spike looks at me.

“A-a good job.”

He raises and eyebrow.

“A-an okay job?”

He smirks.

“A job with benefits. Not that much, but they’re there.”

I think that’s the first time we just laughed together. There was nothing malicious behind it. Pure, unadulterated laughter.

I stray out of character, “I miss you.” I turn to look at him.

“I miss you.” The blonde that I found not only to be named Buffy, but the Slayer, says. She then says, after stopping and turning to look at me, “I know this isn’t on the script and you have no idea who I’m talking about, but if you could somehow get this message to the real Spike. Tell him that Kita can’t be trusted. That-that she changed things-“

“Changed things? What things?” I ask. And what does she mean, the real Spike? Isn’t that me?

“Tonight we went to your crypt and talked. We made a date fore tomorrow and I went home. You went missing. I’ve been spending the past month looking for you with no luck.” Buffy says.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Or how I know where we are, who you are, or why I feel the need to come back to Sunnyhell, but Kita is Dru’s to deal with unless she attacks me. And you’re the bloody Slayer. Why should I trust you?”

He needs a reason. I’ve got a reason. Infuriating bastard.

“1878. William Hartwell. ‘I dream to hope.’” I say, searching his face for enlightenment.

“’I…hope…to dream.” He responds, looking shocked.

“’A face, so beautiful.’” This was her one chance. Her one chance to get him back. And she knew it.

“’Love shining for me.’”

He looks at me and I feel like I have “we’re a couple” written on my face.

“You know the poem?”

“We’ve talked about it a bit. Your memories are-“

“You know, Slayer, this is getting tiring.”

The sight of Kita is a surprise. I didn’t expect her. The Slayer is tempting. Her story isn’t unrealistic. That look as if they’d been together romantically.

“Kita?”

Kita walks to his side as if to protect him. “Bye, bye, slayer.”

“You-“

“Don’t say things you’ll regret.” Kita says. She looks me in the eyes. “Forget.”

I wake up in my bed and I remember every detail. Right to Kita showing up. And I know that was probably my last chance to reach him. And I lost it. Lost him. Forever.

I wake up, Drusilla’s arms around me. I’m trying to remember my dream, but I can’t conjure up any part of it. I shrug, figuring that fro once I didn’t dream, but as I sleep, I swear in my head I can hear a female voice and my own trading lines of an all but forgotten poem.

“I dream to hope.

I hope to dream.

A face, so beautiful.

Love shining for me.”

A/N: Poem by me. Well the four lines I actually showed. Moving on…

Buffy: A Letter

Dear Spike,

This is going to be one of the dozens of letters I’ve written to you over the years, but never had a thought of really giving them to you.

The first one was when I first met you, telling myself that I was stupid for considering you when I had Angel. And, not only that, you turn out to be some vampire threatening to kill me. The second time I did that, I actually thanked you for helping me. Really stupid, huh? After all, you only did it to get Drusilla back. The third and fourth were really stupid. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. The third was because you were right about Angel and me. The fourth because of the feelings I had after Willow’s spell. And, by the way, “Wind Beneath My Wings” is a good song…well, not good. But it’s okay for a wedding. Yeah, I know I never gave you back your ring. That’s because…

Anyway, after Riley was okay…I had this dream. And in it…I told you I loved you. And it bothered me beyond belief. How sick was I to fall in love with someone who hated everything I stood for? And I managed to keep this from Dawn’s nosy self. Otherwise, she probably would have told you. The sixth was to damn Drusilla for coming to town. The seventh was to damn you for feeling that way. The eighth was to ask if there could be a chance for us and my doubt that it was possible. The ninth was to tear your head off about that stupid robot. Can you say ‘eww’?

The tenth was an ‘if I don’t make it letter’. And you have to believe me when I say that I meant to send it with the nine others. And I swear I never meant to hurt you that night in the alley. You’d never been so truthful until you said, “you always hurt the ones you love”. And not a day goes by where I don’t wish I did something different.

My twelfth. I wrote that a month and a half ago, asking you to come back to me. The thirteenth damned you for leaving. The fourteenth was to damn Kita. The fifteenth, to damn Drusilla. The sixteenth to damn myself. The seventeenth to vent my anger that somehow Drusilla got you.

This, is number eighteen. It’s to ask forgiveness. Forgiveness for not finding you. Two months, Spike. Two. And I still can’t find you. And I know you’re somewhere out there. So, forgive me. Forgive me for not fixing everything. For not being able to.

I’ve finally broken. Finally given up.

There’ll probably b a couple more after this one. All blaming me for losing the one I loved, when he wasn’t going anywhere intentionally.

Forgive me,

Buffy

Spike: For a Moment

That feeling’s still there. Bothering him. Drusilla and Kita were having a girls’ night out. He’d decided to take it upon himself to search Kita’s room. He could tell that she was hiding something. Something important.

He searched her drawers and stopped when he found a small book. “So, the evil psychotic witch keeps a diary.” He muttered, opening it.

Checklist
Go to Sunnydale
Get Spike
Change memories
Get the hell out of town
Give “remedy” to keep memories away
Kill that meddling Slayer

Spike dropped the book like it had been dipped in holy water. His mind was racing a mile a minute as he though about what he’d seen.

Got to Sunnydale. Get Spike.

He’d been there. In Sunnyhell. And Kita lied.

Change memories.

“Fake. It’s all fake.” He murmured as he backed away from where he left the book.

Get the hell out of town. Give “remedy” to keep memories away.

Rage filled his entire being. The gut feeling. Knowing this was fake. That it didn’t add up. Somewhere inside of him he knew that this wasn’t right and it never clicked.

“So, do you search everyone’s rooms, or just mine?”

Spike spun to face Kita. That bitch. “You messed with my memory. I ought to-“

“Ought to what, Spike?” Kita’s eyes locked on his and he suddenly felt like he was falling.

He was falling, and falling and then he was trying to remember why he’d been in Kita’s room in the first place. “Kita…why am I in your room?”

“Don’t know, Spike. I was about to ask you the same.”

Spike wasn’t and had never been stupid. If she’d just come into her room, she should’ve been by the door. Except she was standing in front of a little black book as if she were trying to hide it. That, and she had this expectant look on her face.

Spike nodded slowly, filing that away for later. He turned and left the room, not closing the door behind him as he muttered, “I think I’m spending too much time with Dru.”

Kita glared at his back. She picked up the book and ripped out the page with the checklist, flicking open her lighter to burn it.

Spike watched from the doorway, eyes narrowed. Kita was up to something. He was most definitely sure of it.

Willow: Beautiful

Willow was ready. A locator spell hadn’t worked, so she and Tara had researched other spells that would almost do the same as a locator spell. They had found an aura locator spell. The way it worked was with an item that belonged to a person. For their purposes they had to alter it.

Willow had been convinced it wouldn’t work until Tara had told her that even vampires had different auras. With this news, the redhead had new hope. Buffy had finally given up, drowning in her sorrows of another love lost, but willow was determined not to. Not at this point. It had taken her weeks to find the spell and a month to get the ingredients, but it’d work. It had to. Because it couldn’t do anything but.

“Dea, audite vestri parvulus.”

Willow watched as Tara sprinkled herbs over the map of the world. The blonde witch than placed Spike’s lighter on the map and it glowed white. She joined hands with Willow as the redheaded witch remembered their earlier conversation with Xander, Anya and Dawn.

“Tara has to do the spell.” Willow said.

“This is important, Willow. You’re strong enough to do this. I-I’ll help, in case you need it. I trust you. I believe in you.”

“Sino nos ut reperio quisnam nos peto.”

She could feel the magic building up inside of her, ready to use it for god. Not what she’d been doing earlier this year. Abusing it. Making it a hobby. Something to play with and not think of the consequences accustomed with it.

”Radix in obscurum per a pectus pectoris of aurum.”

Tara was her strength. Without Tara, Willow wouldn’t be doing this. Tara was her everything, her life and love. Her breath, her reason for being. If she hadn’t met Tara two years ago, she didn’t know who or what she’d be. Her light was Tara. Only Tara. Forever.

She concentrated on what she was doing. She was trying to find Spike. To bring him back. For Buffy. For Dawn. Maybe a bit for herself.

”Ostendo nos quis nos peto.”

The white glow flared before it darkened. In the candlelit room, Tara and Willow could both see the little glowing dot of black, red, gold and blue swirling around in Europe.

“That’s Italy!” Willow looked up at Tara. “He’s in Italy!”

They pulled away to break the spell and smiled at each other. In spur-of-the-moment joy, she hugged Tara, who held on to her embrace.

They pulled away and Willow smiled at the blonde. “I can imagine their reunion. There’ll be tears and hugs and kisses and Dawn staying out at night…”

Tara blushed a bit at the look willow gave her, but smiled. “It’ll be beautiful.” She agreed.

Willow smiled back. “Just like you.”

Tara responded by kissing her on the lips softly.

Drusilla: We all Fall Down

Spike told her and Kita that he felt like leaving Italy. He wanted to go to Sunnydale and do in that slayer. And, after a weird interrogation from Kita about said slayer, they agreed.

Now she sat in the passenger seat, Kita in the back of Spike’s new car as he told Kita and her to hold on before plowing through the “Welcome to Sunnydale” sign, skidding to a stop just before hitting the curb.

She could already feel it, see it. Miss Edith, the stars, and the moon, the Hellmouth. It all whispered to her. Something was going to go wrong. Terribly wrong.

“Ring around the posies, pocket full of posies…” the wind sang to her.

As they walked trough the streets, she found herself humming along before murmuring, “Ashes, ashes, we all. Fall. Down.”

Buffy: Hopes and Dreams

Willow told Buffy about the spell. And to make sure the slayer believed her, the two witches performed it in front of an audience of the other Scoobies. The only difference was that the dot that represented Spike was in Sunnydale, back.

And then, Buffy told them, albeit guiltily, about the past two months. About that dream she was completely sure she’d shared with Spike. Leaving out the part where Spike was chipless.

Now, Kita had to die. She was the reason. The reason she and Spike weren’t together. The reason they hadn’t patrolled together in two months. The reason she hadn’t had the chance to cuddle up with him on the couch during movie night yet. The reason she thought she wouldn’t be on his arm at Xander and Anya’s wedding. The reason they had yet to do some mundane couple things like the laundry, dishes, make dinner, burn dinner, share the bathroom, try to fix something and make it worse. And Buffy was going to make sure Kita felt every inch of the stake she was going to shove through the vampire’s non-beating heart.

She was grateful to Xander and Anya. They’d decided to wait until Buffy got Spike back before proceeding with the wedding. That and until they worked out everything that put any doubt in them that they should spend the rest of their lives together.

Buffy was pretty sure her own dilemma was showing Xander how easy it would be to lose Anya, just as Willow losing and getting Tara back and done the same.

The joy continued to creep back into her. The mere thought of seeing Spike again, hearing him feeling him…she could only hope and dream.

Spike: Suspicious

Sure, Drusilla knew him well enough, but she mostly thought him to be rash, unable to hide his emotions and completely dedicated to her. Kita too. Which he was, most of the time. But, in order to fid out what Kita was up to, he had to be patient. Concealing. Not totally impassive because it might be a clue that he was suspicious.

At the moment, he was walking down Main Street, looking for someone to eat, trying to figure out a way to figure out Kita’s plans.

A tingle ran up his spine. Slayer. No, his body told him. More than a slayer. The slayer.

He’d been Sunnydale before. He now knew this. To know a slayer as more than just a slayer meant that he’d spent time here before. Before Kita and the old man. But to know this made him realize his memory was messed with. Most likely by Kita.

His mind flashed to the fifteen minutes of his life. He’d been in Kita’s room, and he must’ve found something. She’d made him forget. And he caught her burning what must’ve been evidence.

“Spike?” the questioning voice that spoke his name held disbelief, hope, and something else.

He turned to face her. Petite with green eyes. Blonde hair. Flashes of blonde hair and green eyes in his dreams. And she knew him. Another piece of evidence. He’d heard his voice call the petite blonde slayer. It hit him who she was.

“Slayer?”

“You don’t remember me.” Buffy stated confidently. The look on his face was all she needed for that. She moved a bit closer, noting his light fighting stance. She raised her hands, placating. “I’m Buffy. The slayer. Spike, you’ve lived in Sunnydale for two years now.”

“And we’ve never tried to kill each other?” he asked, rightfully disbelieving that neither one of them were dead.

“We’re…”she smiled, “It’s complicated.” A pause. “Very complicated.”

Spike stared at her, dumbfounded. He vaguely felt Kita behind him and wondered what she was doing here.

Buffy looked over his shoulder at the female vampire. Her eyes widened slightly and she rushed forward, pushing Spike out the way.

A/N: know, I’m the worst person in the world for ending it here. But hey, one more chapter to go. Hold tight.

Buffy: Bittersweet Reunion

She had one word on her mind. Ow. Having a stake jammed into her shoulder hurt like hell, that was for sure. But she knew she had to ignore the pain and kill Kita. She’d deal with the nice hole in her shoulder later.

Kita yanked the stake back out and Buffy stumbled back, watching Spike out of the corner of her eye, though her vision mostly stayed on Kita.

“Buffy…Buffy…Buffy. I told you to let go.”

Buffy lashed out, kicking the vampire in the face and following with a punch. “Yeah...about that. I never do what I’m told.” She punched Kita in the face again. “Must be a slayer thing.”

Spike slowly stood, watching the two females. To Buffy, he looked a bit torn as to what side he should be on when it was changed to a look of complete rage. And, knowing who it was directed at, Buffy proceeded to defend herself against Kita.

Kita attacked Buffy, uppercut punching the slayer in the chin before spinning to elbow her in the gut. Buffy ducked the third attack and kicked Kita in the ribs before sending a second kick to the side and a third to the gut. She grabbed Kita’s wrist and twisted, hoping to break it.

Kita gritted her teeth and did a black flip, kicking Buffy in the chin twice, only to receive two kicks to the gut, a third to the face and a hard left to the right side of her jaw. She flew back, landing behind where Spike now stood.

Spike and Buffy watched each other as Buffy felt the presence of a third vampire nearby and sighed in frustration at the sight of Drusilla, rolling her eyes because she really should’ve known who Kita was working for.

This was just getting better and better. First, Spike who didn’t remember her. Then Kita, who was trying to kill her. Now, Drusilla, the looniest bitch of them all. It was a bittersweet reunion all around. Not.

Spike: Confusion

Confusing didn’t even begin to describe the moment. And the look on Buffy’s face as if she knew Drusilla. That she knew who she and Kita were. It only served to reinforce his belief that Kita had messed with his memory, and probably for Drusilla.

To him, Drusilla looked forlorn. As if she didn’t want to do something that she knew she had to. And, of course, he was right about that.

“Miss Edith told me, but I called her a bad girl.” Drusilla said. “She told me my Spike wasn’t mine anymore. That he belonged to the slayer that buzzed around his head. That he doubted the memories with his princess. She also told me that you couldn’t change destiny. That destiny was meant to happen.” She continued, this last line bitterly said, “That I should do the right thing.”

His eyebrow rose at that statement. Drusilla doing the right thing was unheard of. He couldn’t even picture it, and from the look on the slayer’s face, she couldn’t either.

Neither were prepared for Kita to grab Spike from behind, knocking his lighter out of his duster pocket, the sound echoing as she pressed the stake she held to his chest.

Kita: In The Spring

Kita smirked, her grip on Spike not wavering in the slightest. The look on Drusilla’s face matched Buffy’s so well it was hilarious. To the littlest detail, the fear and pain was obvious. And to think she only thought her sire was missing her faithful babysitter.

She looked at her sire, trying to smile apologetically and failing miserably. “Sorry, Dru, but sometimes you gotta work for the greater good-I mean, evil. I think Miss Edith or the stars or whatever are telling you exactly what.”

“Destiny is a funny thing…” Drusilla tilted her head and stared at Kita intently. “I once saw my Spike floating in the breeze…” she held out her hand and drifted it in the air, following it with her eyes. She turned back to Kita sharply. “But, I don’t see it anymore.” The last line had a teasing quality.

“Well. As far as I’m concerned, it’ll happen.” Kita watched Buffy and Drusilla with equal caution. “Y’know, Spike,” she leaned near his ear, “Hell is said to be wonderful in the spring.” She aimed her stake for his heart.

She was knocked off balance when Spike twisted out her grip at the last minute, swinging her into her position where her very own stake was headed for her chest.

“Really? Send me a post card.”

And she was dust.

Buffy: Done

When the lighter fell, her mind had instantly transported her back to that first nightmare. The one where he was staked. She had her heart in her chest right until the point where Spike slammed the stake into Kita’s chest and she fell as dust, floating in the breeze.

She didn’t know how long the three stood there, Drusilla watching Spike in concern and she watched for an attack.

“Dru, will it wear off?” His voice was quiet. She didn’t know if he even expected them both to hear him.

Drusilla didn’t answer, instead watching particles of dust only she could see floating in the wind.

“Dru.”

The older vampire looked at him, innocence written all over her face.

“Will. It. Wear. Off.”

“I don’t think he’s up for games, Dru.” Buffy whispered, knowing the vampires could hear her.

Drusilla seemed to sigh, saying, “No. It was completed.”

The mood suddenly dampened for Buffy. The high of Kita now being dust was destroyed by the fact that the Spike she knew would never come back.

”Killing me won’t bring him back.”

“You need to kill the caster…and the one who desired the spell,” Drusilla turned to Spike, eyeing the stake in his hand.

Spike seemed to catch on to the insane vampire’s meaning moments before Buffy did. “Dru…no.” He looked bewildered to Buffy and she guessed that without his memories he couldn’t possibly remember threatening to do just that less than a year ago.

“Ssh…” Drusilla moved closer. “It’s written in the stars, my pet. Let it be.” She locked her eyes on his in an unwavering gaze and Buffy barely heard the insane vampire say, “Be in my eyes, be in me...”

Buffy watched the exchange, unable to understand what was transpiring between the two, but able to realize that it was something that was supposed to help Spike. Maybe to help stake her.

Buffy frowned as Drusilla leaned forward to kiss Spike softly before pressing the stake to her chest. In her most lucid and, if Buffy didn’t know better, she’d guess brave, voice, “Do it, Spike.”

Spike did as she asked, a red glow flashing in his eyes before Drusilla slowly crumpled to dust and the stake clattered to the ground.

Spike: A Hell of A Lot Worse

Experiencing the last four years and remembering the past two months in four years and two months was hard. Experiencing the last four years and two months in four and a half seconds was a hell of a lot worse.

He didn’t remember much of the past few minutes. Staking Kita. Receiving Drusilla’s gift in that trance. Staking Drusilla. Buffy coming over to him. She looked like she wanted to comfort him.

Like she knew anything about comfort. She couldn’t even take it. The comfort of the non-sex variety. Like she knew about dealing.

He got fucked over more times in the past four years than he did his entire life before his turning. The only one left from their line was the bloody poof and that was nothing to be proud of.

What he would really like would be for the smart asses that decided destiny for everything would just leave him alone. When he’d been human, he was completely innocent. Shouldn’t that mean something to the Nether wigs? Like a Leave Spike Alone card?

He was barely aware of Buffy leading him away from the alley and didn’t notice his surroundings until they reached Revello Drive. A sign that he was home.



A/N: This is exactly why I hate school. This is the last chapter of Light And Dark, but then again, that’s what a sequel’s for, right?”