Disclaimer: Not mine
Spoilers: Btvs S7 and Ats S5 (but not much)
A/N: Forget what happened in S5 so far, this is going AU. Angel never got the amulet back so Spike is still presumably dusted.


CHAPTER 1


Los Angeles, October 2005


“Hey sister! Rise and shine!”

A groan coming from under the duvet was Dawn’s only response.

“Come on Buffy! It’s 8.30 already.”

Buffy tossed off the cover and glared at Dawn. “Yes, and it’s also my day off, remember?”

“Oops. Sorry. I forgot. I’ll let you sleep then. I just had a favour to ask you.

Buffy lied back on her pillow, sighing. “What?”

Dawn gave her her most charming and repentant smile. “Would you have the time to go to the library for me? I need these books,” she said, shaking a sheet in the air, “But my last class finishes rather late and I need them for this week-end.”

“Isn’t the library open during the week-end?”

This time Dawn looked sheepish. “Yes, but Cristina had that sort-of-a-date tomorrow, and she wanted me to go with her…don’t ask,” she said when Buffy raised an eyebrow. “I know she’s bizarro girl sometimes, but she’s a good friend.”

“She’s nice,” Buffy conceded, “But she sometimes has a weird taste in guys.”

Dawn laughed. “Right, look who’s ta…never mind. So, can you do that for me?”

Buffy smiled. “Leave the list on the kitchen table.”

“Thank you! I’ll see you tonight,” the younger girl said before disappearing.

Buffy decided to stay a little bit longer in bed. It was her day off after all. No need to get up and go train all the little chosen ones.

She frowned upon Dawn’s words. She didn’t have a weird taste in guys. They just had the bad habit to either take off or die on her. She shook her head, chasing away sad memories. But she couldn’t help it. She thought about him most of the time. That last moment they had shared replayed again and again in her head.

It was what he had said that hurt the most. If at least he had died believing he was loved and cared for, but no, she hadn’t succeeded in convincing him. The damages she and the others had done were too deeply rooted. And so, the first and only time she had been truly honest with him and opened her heart, he hadn’t believed her.

That was eating her up. “I miss you,” she whispered in the dark.


§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Wandering between the bookshelves, Dawns’ list in hand, Buffy finally admitted she needed help. She went to the reception desk and smiled at the young woman behind it.

“Hi. Can someone help me with these books? I guess I’m too blond to find them,” she joked.

The woman – whose nametag indicated ‘Meg’ – quickly scanned the list. “English literature and archaeology? That’s William’s speciality.” She turned to a young man reorganizing medical books on another shelf. “Jake? Is William around?”

Jake shook his head. “He’s on his break. He should be back in about ten minutes. Do you want me to go get him?”
“If he’s on his break, I don’t want to bother him,” Buffy said hastily.

Meg smiled. “I’ll help you then. Let’s go find those books.”

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

William came down from his break, polishing his glasses. “Did I miss something?” he asked Jake.

His colleague smiled. “A hot little blond needing your skills.”

“My…a what?”

With a nod, Jake indicated the young blond woman at the reception desk. William creased his blue eyes and watched her retreating form.

“Do you know her?” Jake asked, seeing the look of concentration on William’s face.

The young man shook his head. “I don’t think so. Then again, how can I know? Maybe I do.”

“Ask Meg for her name. Maybe it’ll ring a bell.”

“Yeah, well, it’s been two years and not a bloody name rings any bleedin’ bell, so don’t see why this one would make a difference, no matter how cute she is.”

“A-ha. You noticed she was cute.”

William smiled. “I may not know who I am, but I remember what a pretty woman looks like, thank you very much.”

Later that evening, while eating in the kitchen with Anna, the image of the blond figure wouldn’t fade from his mind, and not only because she had seemed pretty. He hadn’t even seen her face very well. But the way she moved, the way her long blonde locks were dancing against her back, had stirred something vaguely familiar in him. Unfortunately, too vague to awaken any real remembrance, and enough to create a frustrating feeling, the kind he knew too well since he had lost his memories.

“Something on your mind, dear?” Anna asked with a maternal smile.
He smiled back reassuringly. “No, I’m good. Right as rain. It’s just…there was a young woman at the library today. I didn’t see her very well, but…” He shrugged. “She took some books, which means she’ll bring them back. Maybe I’ll talk to her then.”

Anna stood up and came to hug him. “You’ll get your memories back eventually. Don’t give up. Remember what the doctor said. One person, one word could bring back everything.”

He hugged her back. “I know. And I’ve nothing to complain about, really. You and Jim take such good care of me.”

“That’s not a difficult task, believe me. And I can’t help but wonder if there’s a woman out there worrying about her son.”

A cloud covered William’s face. “Unless my family – if I have one – died in that earthquake. There was nothing left. Nobody left to tell me at least what’s my real name.”

“Well, William suits you just fine. You picked well. And stop worrying. Don’t stay up too late, ok?”

“I promise. Go to bed, I’ll clean the rest,” he offered.

He cleaned up rapidly before preparing himself a cup of coffee that he took back to his small apartment above the garage.

One year ago, Jim and Anna, an old couple, had found him near the giant crater that used to be the town of Sunnydale. They were getting back from visiting friends, and had decided to stop and have a look at it. They had heard about the entire town collapsing on TV; News anchors had said that a massive earthquake had swallowed Sunnydale.

That’s where they had found William, naked, and barely conscious. And without a clue as to who he was, or what he was doing there.

Everyday, William blessed the old couple that had taken care of him and welcomed him into their house like a son. But like Anna, he wondered if somewhere out there family and friends were mourning him, or if he had lost everything and everyone in that earthquake. He was struggling to try to remember something, a name, a face, anything. But his mind was like a blank page, at least concerning his past and identity. He kept hoping he would get everything back someday. The faintest thing that provoked any kind of reaction within his brain was a step forward.

He really hoped the blond woman would be back soon.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§


Dawn and Cristina were sitting on a bench in the mall, where Cristina was supposed to meet her sort-of-a-date.

“He’s late,” Dawn said. “We’re gonna miss the trailers. That’s my favourite part.”

Cristina sighed. “If they’re not here in five minutes, we’ll just buy our tickets and go.”

Dawn raised an eyebrow. “ ‘They’?”

Cristina gave her an innocent smile. “I didn’t tell you? I told him to bring a friend. So it would be less awkward for you. You won’t feel like the third wheel if something happens. Which I definitely hope, by the way.”

“Great,” Dawn groaned. “With my luck, the friend will be short with greasy hair and…”

She stopped as Cristina stood up to welcome two young men walking towards them.

“…and incredibly handsome,” Dawn finished between her teeth, offering a bright smile to the newcomers, and especially the good-looking brunette now standing in front of her. Brown hair, hazel eyes, and casual smile. * Very * nice, Dawn thought.

Cristina hugged her date, named Jay, who made the introductions. “Cris, Dawn, this is my friend Connor. We’re roommates. Connor, this is Cristina, and Dawn.”

The young man greeted them, throwing an appreciative glance at Dawn.

“So, what do you girls wanna do?” asked Jay.

“We were thinking a movie. Pirates of the Caribbean II just got released.

“Good for me,” Connor said. He had a nice and deep voice. Very, *very * nice, Dawn thought again. Today is definitely my lucky day.

They started to walk to the cinema, Dawn throwing not so much discreet looks at Connor. She didn’t see the man coming her way before she bumped into him.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” she said, trying to regain her balance. “I wasn’t looking.”

“No, it was me. Sorry,” the man said before leaving, obviously in a rush. She just had the time to notice sandy blond hair and blue eyes behind a pair of glasses. Then she registered what he had said – or rather, his voice – and turned around suddenly.

“Hey, wait!”

But he was already gone.

Connor put his hand on her shoulder. “Are you ok? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”

“I…no. I just thought…never mind.” She finished. How many times would she have to repeat to herself that he was gone forever? She smiled to Connor. “It’s nothing, really. Let’s go see Johnny and Orlando,” she joked.

To her great pleasure, Connor’s hand stayed on her shoulder.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

William stopped dead in his tracks. That fragrance…the one that girl was wearing. When he had smelled it the first time, his body had reacted to it rather strongly, and at the same time he had felt like crying like a stupid ponce. He had smelled it several times, trying again to create an image in his mind. With no result, as usual.

Maybe ... I'm not evil. But I don't think I can be good.

Spike gasped. Woah, where did that came from? It was the first time a voice echoed like this in his head in the middle of the day. So far, all he had had were dreams with confusing sounds and blurred faces. But now he had heard a complete sentence, loud and clear. And the voice sounded suspiciously like…

He turned around, went back to where he had bumped into the girl, but she was nowhere in sight.

“Dammit,” he muttered.

Yet a feeling of excitement was growing inside him, as well as the usual frustration, because the thick curtains draped on his mind had opened a few inches before closing again. The sentence didn’t make sense, but none of this really did.

Considering the weird dreams that had plagued him, he sometimes wondered if it would be a good thing to remember who he was.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Dawn found Buffy in the kitchen, waiting for the water to boil.

“Hey. You had a nice evening?”

Dawn nodded. “Interesting. I met this cute guy, Connor. Nice. He took my phone number.”

Buffy smiled. “Great. At least one of us is getting a bit of romance in her life. Better you than me, considering my history.”

“Not sure mine is much better,” Dawn joked.

“Want some tea?”

“No, thanks. I’ll go to bed; I have homework to do tomorrow, and since I didn’t do anything today, I’d better get an early start.”

“Ok. Have a good night.”

Dawn hesitated. She knew it was a painful subject, but since last year Buffy and her had built a quite open relationship, and they discussed just about everything. Especially the thing that – still – hurt.

“Buffy…Don’t you have this feeling of…of seeing Spike, sometimes, like in the street or in a shop, even if you know it’s impossible?”

Buffy smiled sadly. “Happens to me all the time. It can be a glimpse of white hair, a black leather coat…and my heart gets all jumpy. Then it breaks all over again when I realize it can’t be.”

“There was this guy, at the mall…I bumped into him. I didn’t see his face clearly, but it was his voice…” she sighed. “Whatever. Each time it reminds me how I wish I had made peace with him before…you know.”

“Believe me, I know,” Buffy said, pouring the now hot water into a mug. Dawn came to her and gave her a comforting hug before heading to her room.

They were living in a two-bedroom apartment, courtesy of Wolfram & Hart – or rather, Angel. When they had arrived in LA, Buffy had sought out Angel for help, at least to find a place to settle down. Angel had provided them an apartment as well as one for Giles. Xander had decided to follow Faith, Robin and Andrew to Cleveland, and he was travelling back and forth between the two cities most of the time. Willow had stayed with Buffy and Dawn for a while, before finally becoming Fred’s roommate. Those two were as thick as thieves, although apparently in a purely platonic way. Willow and Kennedy had broken up a few weeks after arriving in LA, and Kennedy had then decided to follow the others to Cleveland.

Buffy had been kind of reluctant when Angel had helped them financially, but at the same time she didn’t have much choice. And Angel seemed to have enough money to last several lifetimes. Which could be handy in his case. And like he had said, it was only fair that a supposedly ex-evil law firm would help the former Chosen one to build a new life for herself and her family. Buffy wasn’t so sure about the ex-evil part, though, but it was Angel’s business, not hers. Not anymore. She had soon discovered that her cookie was baked, and that he had absolutely nothing to do with it. She hadn’t told him that way, of course – no way was she going to use that stupid metaphor out loud ever again – but she had made him understand that even if she would always love him and that he held a special place in her heart, they didn’t belong together. Surprisingly, Angel had taken it rather well. They were staying friends, as friends as they could ever be. And they didn’t see each other very often. Most of the time, he or Wesley were more in contact with Giles or Willow concerning business stuff.

Giles had finally gotten access to the council funds, and had rebuilt it, as well as a slayer training school. That’s where Buffy was working. Dawn had found a job on the side of her studies, and between the two of them, they had become pretty much financially independent.

And Buffy was happy about it. After leaving Sunnydale, she had wanted a clean slate. She was barely patrolling now, and didn’t deal much with anything evil anymore. There were enough chosen ones out there now to do it for her.

Now all she wanted was a quiet, normal life, which seemed to be the case so far. She had an interesting job, and her best friends and surrogate dad were Dawn and her family. Maybe she could even find a nice guy. Not the man of her dreams, though.

As she had realized too late, that one had died 28 months ago.



TBC...

CHAPTER 2


On Monday, Dawn managed to trick Buffy into going back to the library for her. But the young woman didn’t mind too much since she wanted to get some books for herself. She had much more time to read now, and from time to time liked to plunge herself into some sappy romance novels.

Buffy smiled at the young woman behind the reception desk and went straight to the row that interested her.

William arrived, holding a stack of books. “These were just donated. It’s mostly English History, so I’ll take care of it.”

“As you wish,” Meg said. “What are you doing?” she asked, seeing him disappear under the counter.

“I left two books by Alfred Tennyson here on Friday. Where the bloody hell are they now?” he muttered under his breath.

Meg laughed at his colourful language. He had been working here for more than one year now, and she still wasn’t used to those weird British expressions he uttered. The accent was cute, though.

The young blond woman who handed her two books distracted her.

“Hi! What’s your name?”

“Buffy Summers.”

Meg quickly scanned the book before giving them back. “Here you are, Miss Summers. Have a nice day.”

“Aha!” A triumphant shout came from underneath the desk. Buffy jumped, slightly surprised.

Meg smiled. “Don’t worry, it’s just my colleague. William, you’re scaring the customers.”

“Sorry,” a muffled voice said.

He finally stood up. “Who did I scare?”

“She’s gone now. So, did you find your books?”

“Yep.” He put the two poem books above the stack. Meg took one. “So, Alfred Tennyson. An English guy who writes poems. Hey! Maybe you’re him,” she joked. “You’re English and you like poetry.”

William chuckled. “Well, since the bloke died 112 years ago, I’m thinking no.”

He didn’t mind when his colleague joked about his memory loss. Better laugh about it than feel depressed and frustrated all the time. That’s probably what would have happened to him if he hadn’t had Jim and Anna’s presence with him.

Meg checked her watch. “I need my dose of caffeine. Can you cover for me a few minutes? You want some coffee?”

“Sure. And no, thanks.”

With Meg gone, he went through the stack of books, sorting them out in smaller piles.

“Excuse me, I forgot to ask…”

He raised his head, smiling at the young woman in front of him. She stopped speaking. “Yes?” he encouraged her, frowning when her pretty face turned a ghostly white. “Miss? Are you alright?”

She was looking at him with a mix of confusion, hope and disbelief. She put her hand on her mouth, breathing in short gasps. Just for the record, William looked behind him. But no, the pretty blonde was looking at him. And he seemed to have a pretty intense effect on her.

Like she * recognized * him.

Oh God.

“Miss,” he pressed her, “Do you know who I am? I know it may sound like a weird question, but…”

He didn’t finish his sentence. She had fainted.
§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Buffy regained consciousness. She had had another dream about Spike. He looked different – sandy blond hair and glasses – but it was him. She would recognize those blue eyes anywhere.

Sighing, she opened her eyes, and met those very same blue orbs she had dreamt about.

Only it wasn’t a dream.

“Are you ok?”

Same voice. Same accent.

“Who are you?” she asked him in a croaked voice. Her heart was beating furiously.

He seemed disappointed by her question. “To be honest, I was hoping you would tell me.”

“What?” she asked, confused.

“Well, considering your reaction when you saw me…I would love to blame it on my manly charms, but I’m too modest for that. So I assumed you recognized me.”

Buffy sat down. He helped her, and the contact of his hand on her skin made her shiver.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “You bear an extraordinary resemblance to a close friend of mine, but…he died two years ago.”

The disappointment was clearly evident on his face, now. “Oh. I see. It’s just that, well, I don’t remember who I am. You’ve’ heard about amnesia, right? And you’re the first person who seemed to recognize me since…it happened.”

“I’m terribly sorry,” she said.

“I’m sorry to ask you this, but…you’re sure that friend of yours is…dead?”

“I…well, yes, he…”

She hesitated. Truth be told, she hadn’t exactly seen Spike die. But considering the tremendous amount of sunlight coming from the amulet, and the collapse of the town, they had all assumed he had been dusted. Besides, if he had made it, he would have come after them, right? He would have come after her. Unless…

Unless he didn’t remember who he was.

Her mind in a frenzy, Buffy closed her eyes. No. It just couldn’t be. That was impossible. Then again, after living on the Hellmouth for seven years, Buffy knew first hand that when it came to matters of life and death, nothing was impossible.

“My name is Buffy Summers. Does it remind you of anything?”

He shook his head sadly. “No. But I have…a weird feeling when I look at you. But that’s maybe just because I find you attractive.”

She blushed slightly. “What’s your name?”

“Oh, sorry. I forget all about my manners. It’s William. What?” he asked, seeing her eyes grow wide.

“Who called you that way?”

“Myself. I had to pick a name, since I had no identity papers on me. William was the first one that came to mind. Sounded fitting,” he shrugged, before adding, “Don’t tell me I chose the right name?”

Buffy’s eyes swelled with unshed tears. The voice of reason kept telling her it was impossible, but she wouldn’t listen to it anymore. This was too much of a coincidence – and she didn’t believe in coincidence.

Impulsively, she put her hand on his face and he closed his eyes at the contact. He put his hand on hers. “That feels good…familiar,” he whispered.

She was still looking at him and now there was awe on her face. She took a deep breath. “What happened to you?”

She pulled her hand back and he almost protested at the loss of contact. “I was found two years ago by a couple, Jim and Anna Clarke. Apparently, I survived some sort of giant earthquake. The entire town had collapsed. They found me a few feet away from the crater. But I have no bleedin’ idea how I got there, if I was living in this town or just passing by at the wrong moment. The town’s name was…”

“Sunnydale,” she finished with him, tears running freely down her cheeks now. “Oh my God,” she said, panting again, feeling on the verge of hyperventilating.

“Hey, don’t pass out on me again. Buffy, am I that guy? Am I your friend?”

She nodded, unable to speak.

“And William is my real name?” he asked, joy written all over his face. Finally! Finally he would get some answers, he was going to know who he was.

“Yes, you picked the right name,” she confirmed.

“Then maybe I’ll start to remember other things! Buffy…God, I have to get back to work. I guess you have things to do too. Can I see you tonight? Please?”

She laughed. She had just gotten him back. The words ‘second chance’ were printed in her mind. There was no way she was letting him out of her sight again. “Can’t you take the afternoon off?”

“No,” he said, regretfully. “There’s two people out sick, and it’s just Meg and me. I can’t leave her by herself.”

She nodded. “I understand. Do you have a pen and paper?”

He wrote down her address. “I can be there by 7. Is that ok?”

“Sure. I…I’ll be waiting,” she said.

He pressed a quick kiss on her cheek. “You’ve just make me the happiest man on earth,” he laughed, echoing words from what seemed to be another lifetime.

Well apparently, it was for him.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§
On her way back home, Buffy couldn’t help but have a huge smile plastered on her face. Spike was back. There was of course tons of how’s, why’s and what’s, but for the moment all that mattered was that she had found him again.

He was alive. Really alive.

He had no idea who he was.

Her smile vanished, the full implication of what it meant hitting her.

How was she supposed to tell him he had been a vampire? That he had killed people remorselessly for about 120 years? That they had shared a self-destructive relationship that had ended in a very ugly way? That just when they had started to feel connected and build what promised to be the beginning of something beautiful, he had had to die to save the world.

And to top it all, with his memory was probably gone the knowledge of all things evil and demon-y.

She let herself fall on a bench, feeling defeated. They – whoever they were - couldn’t have brought back Spike ‘normal’ and ready to rekindle their burgeoning relationship. No, it had to happen the hard way, of course. With a big chance that he would never believe her and see her as a loony. Or that she would scar him for life with her horrible vampire tales.

That second chance she just had a glimpse at was doomed before it even started.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§


Dawn checked her watch. The professor for her last class had called in sick, and she didn’t have to work today, so she had the rest of the afternoon for herself. She felt a little bit guilty for having Buffy going for her to the library again, since she would now have had plenty of time to go herself. Then again, she couldn’t have known.

“Dawn! Wait!”

She turned around and smiled at Connor, jogging towards her.

“Hey,” she greeted him, her heart racing a little faster. She had been attracted to him immediately and fortunately, it seemed to be reciprocated.

“I had planned on calling you today, and hey, here you are,” he said. “Do you have class?”

“No, the professor’s sick. I was about to go home.”

“Would you like for us to get coffee or something? We didn’t get the chance to talk much the other day.”

Her smile widened. “Sure! I mean, that would be nice.”

They walked to a Starbucks mostly frequented by students, and found a table for two. They discussed about their classes, although if Dawn told him what she was studying, she didn’t mention what she destined herself to be – a Watcher. He wouldn’t know what it meant anyway. Connor, on the other hand, talked excitedly about his desire to become a lawyer.

To Dawn, the word ‘lawyer’ was a little bit too related to the horror stories she had heard about Wolfram & Hart before Angel and his gang took charge. And she knew Buffy still had doubts about the fact they were supposedly doing only good things now.

But when she listened to Connor, it was obvious his own ideas of a lawyer were based on the ‘helping people’ kind, and not driven by anything evil or monetary.

So, bringing him right into the belly of ex-Evil Incorporated was probably not the best idea, but… “Angel, the CEO of Wolfram & Hart, is a friend of mine,” she casually mentioned.

His eyes became saucers. “Wolfram & Hart as in the law firm? You know the CEO?”

She nodded. Thank you Angel, she thought. Sorry for using you to attract young handsome males… “He dated my sister a few years ago. They remained friends…sort of. I know some people working there.”

She had gotten to know Fred through Willow, and liked her a lot. Too bad the young scientist didn’t prefer girls, because they would really make a cute couple. And she was often in touch with Wesley concerning watcher’ stuff.

“I could take you there, if you want. Show you around, meet Angel. He’s nice.”

“That would be so cool!” He frowned. “I remember hearing some stories about Wolfram & Hart, but it was too weird to be true, I guess.”

“What kind of stories?” Dawn asked nonchalantly.

“Something about some serial killer annihilating all the employees. Remember when we had that big eclipse that lasted several days a couple of years ago? Well, there were some students doing their internships there. Apparently they were killed too. But it’s mostly talks. And since some people even mentioned some kind of zombie things, it’s probably one of those urban legends, you know.”

She smiled. “I’m sure it was. And Angel will fill you in with everything you want to know.”

He laughed. “Oh I hope. The poor guy, I intend to drown him in questions!”

CHAPTER 3


At 6.30 that evening, Buffy was pacing relentlessly in her apartment. She was used to having mixed and confused feelings, but this was topping everything else. She couldn’t wait to see Spike…William again, and at the same time she dreaded it. What was she going to tell him? Certainly not the truth. At least not tonight. She would have to discuss it with Giles first. That is, when she finally told him.

The doorbell made her jump and she let out a little squeal. She counted to ten, forcing herself to calm down before opening the door.

“Hi,” he greeted her with a smile, but also a hint of shyness in his voice.

She smiled back. “Please come in,” she told him, noticing the leather jacket and the motorbike helmet. Her smile grew wider. Spike wasn’t buried that deep after all.

“You live alone?” he asked.

“No. My sister Dawn lives with me. She called me earlier to tell me she would be out with a friend. It’s going to be quite a shock when she sees you. Please, sit down,” she said, taking his jacket and repressing the urge to bring it to her nose, instead hanging it in the hall. “Do you want something to drink? I have some white wine,” she proposed.

“White wine is perfect.”

She went to the kitchen and leaned for a minute against the counter, feeling dizzy. The awkwardness of the situation was almost too much to bear. She wanted to cry for having him back, to hold and kiss him, and yet she couldn’t because to him she was a complete stranger. Right now, she was the person who could give him information about his past. That was probably the only reason he was interested in her.

Once he had been her hero, willing to sacrifice himself to save her. Now that she was able and ready to fully love him back, he couldn’t care less about it.

The cruel irony wasn’t lost on her.

With shaky hands, she took two glasses and the bottle and returned to the living room.

“Is this your sister?” he asked, a little pale, showing her a picture of her and Dawn.

“Yes.”

“I saw her…Saturday, at the mall…and I’m pretty sure I heard her voice in my head. It was the first time I had a clear memory of something…but it didn’t help much,” he added with a sad laugh.

“Well, maybe when you meet her it will trigger more memories…you were rather close…before,” she told him softly.

Of all the Scoobies, Dawn had been the closest one to him, at least until the last year in Sunnydale. That could explain why she was the one to initiate the first real memories in him. Even, Buffy had to admit, if she felt hurt that seeing her and talking to her didn’t seem to awaken even a smidgen of remembrance on his part. But, if there was one thing she had learned over the past two years, it was that not everything was about Buffy.

“I have chicken wings for dinner,” she told him, hoping to bring a smile back on his face.

“They are my favourite! How did you…Oh, you mean they were my favourite before?”

She nodded. “See? I’m sure all those memories are not that far away. If you get to meet other people you used to know, like my sister, they will probably come back little by little.”

“And in the meantime, you can tell me what I want to know,” he said with a hopeful smile.

Oh dear. Here we go.

She poured the wine and he sat on the couch while she settled in the chair facing him. “So, uh…where do you want to start?”

“I guess the first obvious question is, do I have family somewhere? Or…did they die in the earthquake?”

“When I met you, your parents had been dead for several years. As far as I know, you have no direct family.”

He nodded. “I went to England, last year, but didn’t find anything. Of course, without any clue, it was nearly impossible to really start somewhere, but I had to try…I probably crossed the whole bloody country.”

“I don’t know much about your family. When we met – that was seven years ago – you were living with…relatives,” she said, for lack of a better word to describe Angel and Drusilla. And that’s what they were after all, even if it was in a weird vampire way.

“Where are they now?”

“One of them is living here in L.A, actually. He’s the CEO of Wolfram& Hart, the law firm. His name is Angel.”

He frowned then shook his head, frustrated. “It’s so annoying to hear all those names and have no clue who they are. You would think I would remember a relative named ‘Angel’,” he joked lightly. “You think he’ll be glad to know I’m alive?”

“Oh, he’ll be thrilled, no doubt.”

Yeah, you bet.

“And I guess he’ll update me on the family subject,” William said. “Finally, we’re getting somewhere. So, tell me a little bit more about us.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “Us?”

“Yes…we were friends, right? You can tell me a little bit more about our lives, and what all.”

“Ok…uh…where to start?” she said with a nervous laugh. Maybe sticking to the truth as much as possible would be the best option. “Let’s see…we met in high school. I mean, when I was in high school. You came to live with Angel, and I was dating him at the time.”
He raised an eyebrow. “So, his name is Angel and he likes little girls, huh?”

She couldn’t help but smile. “I was a teenager, not a little girl, and he’s not much older than us…not in the strictest sense,” she muttered. “Anyway, at first we didn’t like each other very much. We fought, a lot. Then…things got better and we became friends,” she finished. God, that was the lamest explanation ever. Buffy, Miss Vagueness 2005.

“Things got better? Care to elaborate, love?”

The use of the pet name made her spill her drink. She got a napkin and wiped her chin. “Sorry,” she said. She hated this situation. Having to lie to him that way. The man in front of her looked like Spike, but in a way it wasn’t him. And it wasn’t his past human self either. Then he had one of those facial expressions, or in this case that nickname, and it was like the last two years had never happened. That he had never died and had been here all along.

“You ok?” he asked, noticing a suspicious wetness in her eyes.

“I’m good. Sorry,” she repeated. “What I meant is, after high school, things happened. I lost my mom. Your long-time girlfriend broke up with you. We grew up, and realized there was no point in fighting constantly.”

She didn’t know whether to bring up their relationship or not, then decided against it, at least for now. That would bring up too many painful questions.

“How old am I?” he suddenly asked.

She mad a quick mental calculation. “25,” she told him. If she remembered well, that was his age when he had been turned. Although now he had been human for two years, so… “No, sorry. Let’s make that 27 now.”

“Was I working in Sunnydale?”

Buffy’s mind went blank. What on earth could she say about that one?

“You…I…We were…co-workers. At the high school. As guidance counsellors. Helping others…sometimes saving their lives,” she added with a laugh, as if she was joking. Only not.

Spike hadn’t been working at the high school, but he certainly had been some kind of counselor for many of them. Even when they dismissed his opinion, time would always make him right. And they had been co-workers in some way. And saved countless lives. So that wasn’t too big a lie either.

“How come you weren’t trapped in the earthquake?” he asked.

Ok, on this one she couldn’t escape the big, fat lie. “They had announced important seismic activity. So we left the day before. You were supposed to come with us, but we lost track of each other. And since we didn’t hear from you, we thought…we thought you didn’t make it.”

A bell in the kitchen caught her attention. “Dinner’s ready,” she announced.

He brought the bottle and the glasses to the table while she brought the wings and some salad. While they were eating, the conversation concentrated more on their respective lives, tastes and so on. It helped settle a more comfortable feeling between them. By dinner’s end, Buffy was less stressed.

As they were going back to the living room, he suddenly laughed. “I can’t believe I haven’t ask you about my last name yet,” he told her.

“Oh! That reminds me…Wait.”

She disappeared into one of the rooms before coming back with a duffel bag. She handed it to him. “This is yours. You…gave it to me before the earthquake.”

She had in fact discovered it on the bus when they had arrived in L.A, and had put it with her own stuff.

William smiled and opened it. The first thing he grabbed was a book. “Shakespeare’s sonnets” he read, before opening it. “Property of William Atherton. Atherton. Sounds nice,” he said, examining the book. “This is a very old edition,” he noticed. “Very pricey too. Am I rich?” he asked with a grin.

She laughed slightly. “No, I think it must be some family heirloom.”

While turning over the pages, he found a picture. “Hey, that’s your sister and you, right?”

She took the picture with a fond smile, remembering the day it had been taken. She didn’t know Spike had it though. She turned it over. On the back, the words ‘my girls’ were written. She brought her hand to her mouth, her breath caught in her throat. He took the picture back and read the inscription.

“I really loved you both very much, didn’t I?” he asked softly.

She nodded, unable to stop her tears. “You were the best thing that ever happened to us,” she replied in a whisper. She wiped her wet cheek, not wanting to embarrass him with such an emotional display. Not to mention she was deeply ashamed to have waited so long to tell him that.

He squeezed her hand before reaching further in the bag, this time coming up with a black t-shirt, and a pair of jeans in the same colour. He unfolded the jean. “At least I can see if I gained some weight in the last two years,” he joked. He looked in the bag again but there was nothing else. “That’s all? Guess I’m not the materialist kinda guy then.”

She laughed, remembering how he had tried to nick some cash from Giles on multiple occasions, or asked money for so-called information about the Initiative, or the monster-of-the-week they were dealing with.

“You don’t have any pictures of me?” he asked.

She shook her head sadly. “No, but…there’s something…” She got up, went to the shelf with the videos and took one labeled ‘Andrew, 2003’. She put it in the VCR and fast-forwarded to the precise moment. “There,” she said, finding what she had been looking for. She had watched that tape only once. At first she thought it was a ridiculous idea for Andrew to do this, then she had been grateful, because she knew that with it she would have at least a vivid recollection of Spike.

Andrew had filmed Spike in the basement. William’s brows lifted. “Wow. Check out the Billy Idol reject.” As an echo, his voice resonated in the room, this time coming from the TV screen. “I thought I told you to piss off with this bloody camera, yet here you are again with that thing in my face. Would you sod off before I rip your throat out and eat…”

“Kinda big with the attitude, huh?”

Buffy nodded, her eyes still on the screen, a tender smile tugging at her lips. “That’s Spike,” she said, before turning to him. “That’s you.”

“Spike? That was my nickname?”

She nodded. “That’s what everyone used to call you.”

He smiled. “What do *you * want to call me?”

“I don’t know. ‘Spike’ is reminiscent of a lot of things…but I like William. And that’s who you are now.”

They exchanged a glance, and Buffy felt butterflies in her stomach at the way he was suddenly looking at her. He shook his head, obviously confused. “Right. Uh…what’s with the hair?” he asked, indicating the TV screen.

“Oh…well, that was part of the look, obviously.”

He nodded. “I remember it looked like that when Jim and Anna found me. I tried to keep it that way, hoping it would help with the memories, but it hurt like hell, so I stopped.”

“I like how it looks now…darker blond. More natural. I have to get use to the glasses, though.”

“Oh, yes,” he chuckled, and removed them in a way that reminded her strangely of Giles. “You mean I didn’t wear them before? Cause I’m totally short-sighted, and I don’t think it came with the amnesia thing.”

She shook her head, thinking fast. “Lenses! Because, uh…the glasses didn’t go well with the bad boy attitude.”

“Obviously,” he said, before getting up. “It’s getting late. I guess you have to work tomorrow, and so do I.”

Buffy didn’t want to see him go, but at the same time she wasn’t sure she could go on with the lies much longer. It was way too emotionally exhausting, especially when all she wanted was to hold, touch and kiss him and she couldn’t do any of these things, and this evening had probably been the most frustrating moment of her entire life.

He went to the hall, grabbed his jacket and put it on. “Buffy…Correct me if I’m wrong, but I feel…I feel like you were sometimes holding back tonight. Like you didn’t tell me everything…I mean, of course you can’t tell me everything in a few hours, but…it was like you were scared to tell me some things.”

She met his blue eyes, but there was no accusation there, just concern and kindness. Damn. He was still as perceptive. “I’m sorry. I…you must understand…for two years, I thought I had lost you. Now you’re back, which makes me tremendously happy, you can’t even imagine how much…but you’re not the exact same person, and it’s hard for me too. I just need some time.”

He smiled and put a strand of hair behind her ear, in a very familiar gesture, at least to her. “I understand. And I can be patient.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, taking in the brief brush of his fingers against her cheek. It was difficult to lie all right, but she knew already she couldn’t let a day pass without seeing him. “Do you want us to meet for lunch tomorrow?” she asked.

He seemed relieved, like he had hoped for this but didn’t want to push things. “I’d love that.”

“Ok then. I’ll come to the library around noon, is that ok?”

“Perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Thanks for the diner.”

He took his helmet and the duffel bag and left. Buffy slowly closed the door behind him, putting her forehead against it, listening to the motorbike’s engine starting, until the sound faded away in the distance.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

She didn’t know how much time she stayed against the door in the dark hallway, but the sound of keys in the lock shook her out of her torpor. She took two steps back and the door opened on Dawn.
“Buffy! You scared me.”
“I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to. How was your evening?”
“Great! Connor is such a sweetie. And smart too. I promised I would take him to visit Wolfram & Hart.”
“That’s nice,” Buffy replied absently.
“Hey, you ok?” Dawn asked, frowning upon her sister’s pale face.
“I’m not sure…Dawn, something happened…maybe you should sit down for this.”

CHAPTER 4

William parked his motorbike in front of the house and saw light coming from the kitchen’s window. He smiled and walked in to the house.

“It’s late,” he chastised Anna and Jim gently. “You shouldn’t have waited up for me.”

“Are you kidding? We want to know what happened. Sit down, son.”

Anna got up. “I made some tea, you want a cup?”

“No, thanks.”

She smiled and sat back. “Good. Then talk.”

He related the events of the evening and his conversation with Buffy.

“She seems like a nice girl,” Jim commented.

“She definitely is,” William agreed warmly. “And gorgeous too.”

Anna raised an eyebrow. “And the two of you were…?”

“Friends, apparently. Or so she said.”

“What do you mean, ‘so she said’?”

“Well, I didn’t ask about it precisely…but she didn’t imply we were something else. Then again, I had this strange feeling, all night, like she was holding back some things.”

Jim frowned. “You think she’s lying? Why would she do that?”

“No, no, not lying. Just not telling me everything.”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to flood you with tons of information at the same time. And it must have been quite a shock for her too.”

He nodded. “Yes, that’s more or less what she told me. Oh, I have a picture, by the way.”
He reached for the picture in the bag and handed it to Jim. “Buffy’s the blond one. The other girl is her sister Dawn. Remember that girl I told you about, the one I had bumped into at the mall the other day? Well, that was Dawn. It was all very quick, and I don’t think she recognized me then. Also, it seems I had a slightly different fashion sense back then,” ha added with a chuckle.

“Very pretty girls,” Jim agreed. “What does Buffy do?”

“She’s a self-defence instructor. And Dawn’s in college.”

Anna read the small inscription on the back. “Looks like the three of you were close,” she said, giving him the picture back.”

“Apparently they were the closest to a family I had. Except for that cousin, Angel. I still don’t remember, but it’s nice to know there are people out there who know me and care about me…well, my former self.”

Anna squeezed his hand. “As long as you’re happy, William, it’s all that matters to Jim and me.”

A little bit overwhelmed, William just smiled and got up, kissing Anna and giving a manly hug to Jim. He was glad to have found people from his past, but he knew that no one could replace Jim and Anna in his heart.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

William was tossing and turning in his sleep, plagued by another dream, or possibly reminiscence. Buffy was there. With him, and they were…

He awoke with a gasp. He could almost feel the impact of her fists on his face.

God. What was that?

He had hoped that his evening with her would maybe help stir some more memories…and it had.

He just hadn’t expected it to be so very disturbing.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

When Buffy arrived at the library the next day, William was still under the shock of his dream. He wanted to talk to her about it, but decided to go smoothly. He hadn’t known Buffy for long, but something told him than putting pressure was not the best way to deal with her. Especially since she seemed nervous and jumpy around him.

He took her to a small diner nearby and started with the small talk. “I showed your picture to Jim and Anna. They would like to meet you.”

“I would love that, if only to thank them. You didn’t tell me what they do for a living.”

“Jim is a vet, and Anna is his secretary. They’ve been working together for 30 years, and married for 35. They don’t have children.”

“They have you. I understand why you talk so fondly about them. They seem like wonderful people.”

William nodded, taking a sip of his soda. “Buffy, there’s something…I wanted to ask you…were we a couple, before? Were we…in love, maybe?”

Her eyes widened slightly, and her cheeks reddened, and that’s all William needed to know. “What makes you think that?” she couldn’t help but ask.

Aha. Now she was stalling. He shrugged. “It’s hard to explain. I feel like there’s a certain connection between you and me. Some kind of gut feeling telling me we have a history together. Am I wrong?”

She slowly shook her head. “No. I mean, you’re right. We have a history. But it was…complicated.”

“Isn’t it always?” he asked with a sly smile.

“Well in our case, it’s really in the literal sense.” She chose her words carefully. “Do you remember when I told you yesterday that we didn’t get along for some time before it got better? Well, even if we fought a lot, there was indeed this attraction between us, and we finally gave into it. But it wasn’t very…healthy.”

“What do you mean? We couldn’t tolerate each other but had mind-blowing sex anyway?”

His question attracted some curious and amused glances from the table nearby, and he lowered his voice. “Sorry,” he said with a smirk, which disappeared when he saw her purple cheeks and nervousness. “Are you ok? We can drop the subject for when we’re in a less crowded place, if you want.”

“No, I’m good. I think I need to talk about this. I never really shared it with anyone…not the details, obviously. Sp…William, what we had wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t romantic. We used each other, abusively.”

Strangely, she felt more comfortable talking about this than all her ‘stories’ from yesterday. At least now she was telling him the truth.

He looked sincerely shocked. “I never thought I was the kind of guy who would do that.” Then again it matched the dream he had had the previous night, even if it didn’t make it less confusing.

“We were different people. There were circumstances…and believe me, you didn’t use me half as much as I used you. We hurt each other, and I’m sorry for that. And I’m glad I got the chance to tell you that, even if it doesn’t mean much to you right now. I’m sorry.”

He smiled. Apparently she had had this on her shoulders for a long time. “Apology accepted. At some point I suppose I’ll feel the need to apologize too. And maybe we should use this opportunity to start over…a clean slate. What do you think?”

I think I wish it were that easy, she thought sadly. She smiled nonetheless. “I think it’s a great idea.” She seemed lost in her thought for a moment before adding, “It wasn’t always bad, you know. We had very nice moments, the last year…the year before the earthquake.”

“So we did say some nice things to each other sometimes…besides doing them?”

“You told me once that I was one hell of a woman,” she said, still shivering at the thought of the wonderful night they had platonically shared. “And I told you I believed in you. It doesn’t sound like much now, but it was very important to you at that time.”

He took her hand and caressed the palm with his thumb. The contact was intimate but seemed natural. “Did we love each other?” he asked softly.

“Yes…we loved each other. You loved me first, and it took me a long time to accept it. I think I was scared, mostly because of my disastrous record with past boyfriends. Then one day I realized you were…different. That maybe I could love you and not get hurt in the process. As soon as I realized it, I told you that I loved you.”

“And?”

“And you died.”

Taken aback, he let a slight laugh escape. “Oh, well…that was awfully rude of me,” he commented.

She couldn’t help but laugh with him. “Or I thought you had died. But hey, turns out you didn’t. Which makes me a very happy girl.” For one moment, she let herself be overwhelmed by the joy of having him back, holding his hand and looking in his eyes, where she could read a familiar little light that was troubling and delighting her at the same time. Just for five minutes she wanted to enjoy his presence without thinking of all the complications it would inevitably cause.

“I missed you so much,” she whispered.

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. “I’m glad you found me,” he replied on the same tone. They got lost for a few minutes in each other before Buffy blinked.

“I should get back to work,” she said regretfully.

“Me too. Let’s go then.”

He paid for their meal and they walked out. He still hadn’t let go of her hand.

“I’ll go back to the library with you,” she said, not willing to break the contact yet, just wanting to feel a little bit more of this internal peace his mere presence was bringing her. A peace that she just realized how much she had been missing. Without it, without him, she was incomplete.

William had sensed she was much calmer now, and he hated to have to raise the subject again, but it was bothering him. “Buffy…”

“Mmmh?”
“I wanted to ask…I had a dream about you last night.”

“Really?” she asked, looking pleased.

“It was rather…violent,” he admitted carefully.

Her smile disappeared. “Oh?”

“I wasn’t sure if it was a dream or a memory, but in light of what you told me earlier…”

“What did you dream about?” she pressed him, her blissful moment definitely shattered. God, she should have known it couldn’t last. Not even for five damn minutes.

“We were in an alley, fighting. At some point, you seemed to have the upper hand. You called me a soulless thing…which I found a rather peculiar expression, so I thought that maybe it was just my mind messing…”

“No. It’s not your mind. It…really happened,” she said, looking away and clenching her teeth. She heard him take a deep breath.

“So you weren’t exaggerating about the abusive part, huh?” he asked, looking bewildered.

“Unfortunately, no. And you should be prepared to dream…or remember…worse.”

“Worse?”

She could hear his disbelief, and she nodded, her throat constricted. With his thumb, he caught a tear on her cheek. She hadn’t realized it was there. Gathering her courage, she met his blue gaze. She brought her hand to his face.

“William, when you remember, there are going to be some painful moments. You’ll probably have trouble believing it, maybe you won’t want to see me anymore.”

“I highly doubt that,” he said firmly. “I know that it’s not easy for you either. I’m sure I’ll be able to handle everything that’s coming if you’re with me,” he said, caressing her hair.

She just nodded, afraid that speaking would only lead to bursting into sobs.

She couldn’t leave him in the void. One day, she would have to tell him the whole truth. And that day, she would probably lose him forever.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

“William? Are you in there? Hello?”

Meg finally got his attention. “What? I’m sorry…what?”

“Gee…don’t tell me you were thinking about that Miss Summers of yours again,” she joked good-naturedly.

“No…I was thinking about something else…did you ask me something?”

“Never mind…I’ll ask you tomorrow when you’re back on earth with the rest of us,” she said, giving him a playful wink before leaving.

Sighing, William pushed away the stack of books he was supposed to sort out. How could he concentrate on the work of Jane Austen when he had just discovered he used to be an apparently violent guy who beat his girlfriend? Ok, she seemed to beat him too, but still…all this was so far away from his current nature. How could someone change so much just because they lost their memory? And if Buffy and him were beating the crap out of each other, shouldn’t there be hate and disgust between them, and not the love and longing he was experiencing each time he looked at her? It was obvious she still loved him, and even if he barely knew her, there were feelings on his part too. Deep-rooted ones, from another time, but very much there.

He had to trust her. He was sure that in the end all of this would make sense. That there was more to him than just an abusive bastard with white hair and a leather coat.

CHAPTER 5


“So, you remember what I told you? Don’t jump on him, and try not to call him Spike. He goes by William now.”

Dawn rolled her eyes. “Buffy, I haven’t seen him in two years, and I thought he was dead. Of course I’m going to jump on him. What did you expect?”

“I know, but he doesn’t remember who you are. So it might embarrass him, especially since he’s so different from the Spike we used to know.”

The younger Summers sighed. “Ok, I get your point. It’s just…”

The doorbell rang and she shrieked. “Oh my God! It’s him! Spike!” She ran to open the door and threw herself in his arms as soon as he appeared. “Spike! God, I missed you so much!”

The young man walked into the hallway, holding Dawn and laughing. Apparently, he seemed neither embarrassed nor bothered by Dawn’s outburst.

“Dawn, he needs to breathe, you know,” she told her sister, holding back the ‘now’ that was about to slip.

“Oh, right,” the younger girl said, and let go of him.

“It’s ok,” William grinned. “It’s not everyday that I have pretty birds jumping on me.”

Dawn gave a pointed look to Buffy. “Well, that does sound exactly like Spike to me.” She turned back to him. “I can’t believe you’re really here. And you’re…different, and yet the same. It’s amazing,” she said, putting her hand on his chest where she could feel his heart beating, until Buffy’s discreet cough reminded her she had to act more carefully. She withdrew her hand with a little laugh. “Sorry. I’ll stop with the touchy-feely before you think I’m a total loony.”

William laughed heartily. “Hey, Buffy,” he greeted her.

“Hi William.”

She was always so happy to see him, because when he wasn’t there she had a hard time believing it wasn’t a dream. She had called him that afternoon to ask him if he wanted to come by after his work to see Dawn, and he had accepted immediately. She had to admit that Dawn had been a nice excuse to see him again. Even if hiding the truth from him was momentarily a big issue, she couldn’t bring herself to not see him as often as possible. It was almost a physical need.

“You want something to drink?”

He barely had time to nod before Dawn dragged him in the living room and fired questions at him. Buffy arrived with the drinks and sat quietly beside them, listening to his answers. This way she could learn a little bit more about him and his life during the past two years. William had been very lucky to be found by the Clarke’s and they had treated him like their own son. He was amazed and grateful that they had been willing to accept him, a total stranger with no past, into their home. It was obvious he loved and respected them very much, and Buffy thought it was only fair that he finally got the chance to be cared about and treated like he deserved. Even if there were still expressions and attitudes betraying his old self, there was also some sort of thoughtlessness, and a little light in his blue eyes that she had rarely, if not ever, witnessed in him before. Despite the obvious issues and frustrations his memory loss had to rise, he seemed happy.

So she didn’t intervene much, letting her sister catch up with him, at least on the subjects that were ‘catchable’. She knew how much Dawn had suffered from Spike’s absence, especially since they had never had the opportunity to clear things up between them. Or rather, as Dawn honestly admitted, she hadn’t taken the time to talk to him and hear his side of the story.

And then it had been too late.

But now was not the time to talk about that. Buffy had explained to Dawn that she had told William already about their own weird relationship. So if Dawn started to tell him that they had had problems too, the poor guy would probably think he was a lousy jerk who didn’t get along with anyone.

William didn’t stay long, since he was supposed to meet friends for diner. He gave Dawn a heartfelt hug, promising they would get together very soon.

“But just the two of us. I don’t want Buffy in the way,” she joked, with a wink to her sister.
“That’s a deal,” he replied.

“You haven’t met Giles and the others yet, right?”

Buffy shook her head. “Giles knows already, but he hasn’t seen William yet.” She turned to him. “Do you think you could come to the school tomorrow afternoon? You could meet Giles. He’s one of our closest friends, and kind of a surrogate father for Dawn and me. You know, the more people you meet…”

“Sure, it’s worth a shot.”

After a last kiss to Dawn, he took his jacket. Buffy walked him downstairs.

“I hope you won’t have any more disturbing dreams,” she told him.

He leaned on his bike, apparently not so much in a hurry to leave. “Me too. I need my beauty sleep,” he said with a smile. “Talking about beauty,” he added, raising his hand and taking a blond lock between his fingers, “I don’t get how you can be single.”

She smiled and shrugged. “I can’t say I looked very hard. And…” she hesitated, then opted for complete honesty. What did she have to lose anyway? “I never really got over you,” she confessed, looking in his eyes.

He blushed slightly and smiled back softly.

“What about you?” she asked.

“I had two relationships, both lasted a few weeks. Women are not too keen on dating a guy with no past.”

“That’s their loss,” Buffy whispered. He was still playing with her hair, and unconsciously she had drawn nearer and was now standing very close to him. His eyes were fixated on her mouth, and she felt that same mouth become very dry. “So you never got really attached?” she asked.

His head was slowly lowering towards her. “Not really, no.”

“How long have you been working at the library?” she asked again. God, she was turning into a blabbering idiot. Shut up, Buffy.

William stopped, inches from her mouth and smiled. “For almost two years. Are you done with the questions?”

She nodded, lost in his blue depths.

“Good. Can I kiss you now?”

Her eyes widened, but before she could utter an answer, his mouth was on hers.

It was very soft at first, almost shy, like two persons who kissed for the first time. His lips were plundering hers, his tongue tasting and his teeth nibbling them before she opened her mouth to let him explore at will. She moaned and pressed her body against his, not even letting air pass between them. One of his hands caught the back of her neck while he placed the other on her lower back. The kiss became suddenly more intense, and he let go of her. They were both panting heavily.

“Wow,” she whispered. “You certainly didn’t forget how to do * that *.”

He smiled tenderly, caressing her cheek. “I was inspired,” he said, and couldn’t resist kissing her again, and Buffy certainly didn’t want him to stop. He kissed her cheek, her jaw and the sensitive spot on her neck. She shivered against him.

“You’re cold?” he asked.

“Absolutely not,” she answered, her head dizzy by his scent, and all the memories it brought her. How she wished that this kiss had the same resonance in him…the tenderness of it reminded her of very rare and precious moments, when it hadn’t been about the vampire and the Slayer having rough sex, but just a man and a woman deeply attracted to each other and harboring feelings that couldn’t be let out, but were very much present.

He finally let go of her, and if the proud part of her didn’t want to say anything, he heart decided otherwise. “Do you really have to go?” she asked, and thankfully there wasn’t too much pleading in her voice.

He contemplated her, and he had that look on his face, the same as so many years ago, when he had been willing to do anything out of pure love for her, even die. And now she knew she mirrored that expression. “I can call my friends…tell them I won’t be able to make it tonight. Is that what you want?” he asked.

“I…” she hesitated, reason rushing back. Maybe this was going too fast. Maybe this would be going nowhere, when he learned or remembered the truth. Maybe she shouldn’t let him in if the unavoidable result would be hurt and heartache for both of them.

Maybe she could go to Tibet and become a Buddhist and meet the Dalai Lama.

Who cared about ‘maybe’? She had been so miserable without him. And now he was back. Would she really let him go, let the past ruin a possibly happy future, without fighting?

Hell no.

She smiled. “Yes. That’s what I want.”

He just nodded and pulled out his cell phone. She went back to tell Dawn to not wait for her.

A few minutes later, she sat behind him, holding on tightly. Never intending to let go.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

He took her to his apartment, and she was fine with that. Right now she didn’t want to be in a crowded place, or have to share him with other people. Besides, she was ready for anything that might happen.

She had been ready for two years.

“Anna and Jim are in San Francisco,” he told her. “Next time I really want them to meet you.”

“Me too,” she said, wandering in the small apartment with curiosity. There was a kitchenette, a small living room, and behind a folding screen a bedroom. It was very cozy and clean. There were a lot of CD’s and tapes next to the television, and she inspected them. Apparently, his taste in music hadn’t changed much either, a lot of punk rock, amongst classical music, and female singers like Norah Jones and Alison Krauss. That was more surprising. Then again, she never really had discussed musical topics with Spike, so how would she know what he used to like?

“What, you don’t tape ‘Passions’ anymore?” she asked him with a teasing smile.

“What’s ‘Passions’?” he asked with a bewildered look.

“A soap opera. You were a big fan. Never missed an episode.”

“Oh my God. You’re kidding, right? If not, just shoot me now.”

She shook her head, laughing. “You liked Dawson’s Creek as well.”

He grinned. “Still watch that one. The reruns, since it’s over.” He frowned. “Only I don’t remember, so it’s like I’m watching it for the first time. Don’t spoil me,” he said, walking to the fridge. “I have eggs, bacon and salad. Fancy an omelette?” he asked.

“Sure. Can I help?”

“You can make the salad.”

They started to prepare dinner, brushing each other intentionally and exchanging conniving glances. They knew what was inevitably going to happen, and all those little domestic gestures were just a prelude to much more anticipated and intense activities.

After dinner, they settled comfortably on the couch and she snuggled against him. His hand was caressing her back in a soothing manner, and he kissed her head.

“There must be something in me that remembers you,” he said,” because I’ve known you for just a few days and still this feels so right and natural.”

“Mmmh, I know the feeling,” she smiled.

They stayed like that for a moment, exchanging kisses and caresses, letting the desire build slowly but surely. William was taking his time, giving Buffy the opportunity to change her mind if she wanted to. As for the young woman, she was getting reacquainted with his body, his scent, his hands, his mouth, and all the things she had thought lost to her. All those things constituting her own personal heaven.

The kisses suddenly deepened, the caresses became more intimate.
“Are you really sure about this?” he asked, panting, and God he hoped she was, because he didn’t think his jeans would hold him any longer. He wanted her so much it hurt.

She nodded frantically, tugging at his shirt. Taking her in his arms, he got up and went to the bedroom, putting her softly, almost reverently, on the bed. He looked at her while unbuttoning her blouse. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered against her skin, kissing the path of her collarbone.

Buffy’s breathing was erratic, and she felt like her heart was bursting. He had asked her how she was still single? Of course she was. No other man on earth or in any other dimension could make her feel that way.

The gestures were familiar, yet it was different. Because he was human. Because instead of having sex, they were making love. In fact, this was a first time for both of them, even if their bodies instantly recognized themselves and interlocked perfectly.

In a matter of minutes, they were both naked. William traced her breasts with the lightest of touches. He bit her softly, eliciting a moan. Then he traced a path of kisses along her belly, reaching the juncture of her thighs. She gasped when he tasted her, his skillful tongue driving her over the edge quickly.

William went back to her mouth, kissing her passionately, and she embraced him with her arms and her legs, her little hand searching and reaching his manhood.

“Oh God. Buffy…” he exhaled, opening his eyes and plunging them in hers at the very same time he entered her, sliding into her silken warmth. Feeling like he was finally home.

It didn’t really matter whom he was, as long as he knew where his place was now. With her. Beside her. Inside her.

He had tried to hold it as long as he could, wanting the foreplay to last. But Buffy’s passion and abandoned movements had shattered his resolve.

He stopped for a moment, realizing they were both trembling. She put her hand on his cheek and brought his mouth to hers. It was dark in the room but he could see her green eyes shine with desire and love. They exchanged a languorous kiss before he finally made a move, thrusting slowly at first, then more wildly. He was deep inside her, and each push of his hips pressed him against her most sensitive spot. And she was swept away with him, feeling an intense pleasure rolling inside her like a giant wave. William climaxed almost at the same time, and she gripped him inside as he pulsed within her.

They laid entangled, kissing softly.

“How could I forget about this?” William wondered, with an amazed expression on his face.

Buffy watched him with the same expression, biting her tongue to repress the three little words coming to her lips. It was too soon. And if he doubted her again, she couldn’t bear it.

They settled under the cover, him on his back and her body spread on his. She couldn’t help but kiss the warm skin of his chest from time to time and listen to his heartbeat.

Like a sweet lullaby, it brought her to sleep.

CHAPTER 6

Buffy woke up to an unfamiliar feeling. Warm skin against hers.

It had been so long since…well, the last one had been Riley, more than four years ago. After him, there only had been Spike, and he was cold. Well, room temperature, which didn’t mean much when they were in the crypt. But she didn’t care at that time, because she just wanted to feel something.

And now she remembered how nice it was to wake up in a warm embrace. But not any warm embrace. William’s.

The memories of the previous night slowly came back and she smiled. She snuggled closer to him with a sigh of contentment. He tightened his hold around her waist, and kissed her hair. He was awake, too.

The buzz of the alarm clock shattered the peaceful silence, and William turned around to shut it off.

“What time is it?” she asked.

“7 am. I have to be at the library at 8.” He ran his hand caressingly on her back. “You have to work too, right?”

She nodded. “Yeah. But not before 9.”

He smiled. “Next time, let’s do this during the week-end, alright? So we can stay in bed all day.”

“So you want there to be a next time?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Well yeah. Don’t you?”

“Sure I do. I’m just…I’m glad you do. I’ve had some…bad experiences with morning afters.”

“How do you qualify this one then?”

“The best kind,” she said, rising to reach his lips. They exchanged a slow kiss. They had made love once more during the night, very languorously. And now, even if it was still early and she hadn’t slept much, Buffy felt relaxed and rejuvenated. “One of us is going to have to find the courage to get up at some point,” she said with a teasing smile.

“It won’t be me,” William growled, his face hidden in her neck. The thing he could do to her with his tongue…she shivered. He definitely hadn’t lost his touch.

The alarm clock went off again and he sighed. “Bloody hell,” he muttered, and she giggled. As much as she loved William, it felt good and familiar to see Spike appear from time to time.

With much reluctance, they finally got up and got dressed in silence, exchanging happy smiles. William drove her back in Anna’s car. When he stopped in front of her building, she leaned into him and gave him a lingering kiss. “Will you come to the school today? To see Giles?”

“I’ll be there. Have a nice day, love.”

“You too.”

With one last kiss, she got out of the car, waving her hand at him until the car was out of sight. Still smiling dreamily, she opened the door of her apartment.

“Look who’s back. Seems like your night was much more interesting than mine,” Dawn said with a significant look. Apparently, she had just gotten up.

“It was great.”

“Did you tell him?”

“Tell him what?”

“About the past. What he was. All that stuff.”

Buffy’s smile vanished. “You hear that sound? It’s the sound of my pink dream bubble popping brutally. No, I didn’t tell him.”

She went to the kitchen and Dawn followed her. Buffy took two mugs out and Dawn poured the freshly made coffee.

“Buffy, I understand that you’re happy and excited to have him back, I am too…but you’re not gonna hold the truth from him eternally, right? You’re planning on telling him? If he doesn’t remember?”

“Sure, I’ll tell him,” Buffy said, watching the content of her mug and avoiding Dawn’s gaze.

The younger snorted sarcastically. “Yeah, that sounded convincing.”

Buffy shivered, this time from cold and uneasiness. Gone was the blissful feeling of the early morning. “Dawn, if I tell him…I’ll lose him again.”

“Maybe you won’t have to. Maybe he’ll remember. It’s just…as long as he doesn’t, you’ll be living a lie. A big one.”

Buffy put her face in her hands. “I know that. I know it too well. I don’t know what to do. I love him so much…it’s a tremendous gift we’ve gotten, this second chance…and it’s about to be totally ruined. I feel so helpless,” she sighed.

Dawn got up and put her arm around Buffy’s shoulders, giving it a small squeeze.
“Buffy, this doesn’t have to end badly. I saw the way he looked at you yesterday…like you are one of the Seven Wonders or something. Whether he’s Spike, William, and whatever dimension or world he’s in, he will always love you. That’s something deeply rooted in him. And in you. It will never go away.”

Buffy hugged her sister back. “Oh, Dawnie…how am I supposed to tell him?”

“What I know is that I’m sure he won’t like to learn it from some book, like I did. It wouldn’t probably have changed much if you had told me directly, I would have freaked out anyway. But I got over it, right?”

Buffy smiled. “In other words, don’t make the same mistakes with him that I did with you.”

“Exactly. Communication is the key. With a small k.”

“He’s coming to the school today to meet Giles. Maybe this will help. And if it doesn’t, I’ll take him to Angel. After all, he’s his family…sort of. And if this still doesn’t solve anything…then I’ll tell him.”

“Maybe he won’t freak out and will just call the nice men with the white shirts and the shiny ambulance.”
Despite of herself, Buffy laughed. “Thanks, I feel much better now.” Dawn went back to her stool and finished her coffee.

“You have class this morning?” Buffy asked.

“Nope. Remember that super hottie I met, Connor? I’m taking him to meet Angel, today. And to visit Wolfram & Hart.”

“That’s nice. Aren’t you afraid to meet one of those demons or weirdoes that seem to haunt that place? Or even that green demon, Angel’s friend…what’s his name?”

“Lorne. I love to see him, he’s so funny and nice. But ok, probably hard to explain to Connor.” She shrugged. “I’ll figure something out if it happens. He never said it clearly, but I wonder if he is aware of all that vampire and demon stuff…but is afraid that if he’ll tell me I’ll call the nice men in the white shirts. See? You and him already have something in common.”

“Well bring him here one of these nights, so I can meet him. I’m going to take a shower and go to work.”

Before she left the kitchen, Dawn held her wrist and smiled at her sweetly. “Don’t worry, Buffy. I’m sure everything will sort out. You and Spike, you deserve it more than anyone…it can’t go bad.”

Buffy kissed her. “Thank you. Enjoy your day with Connor, and say hello to Angel for me, okay? Oh, and don’t tell him about William. I’ll tell him myself.”

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Dawn and Connor had decided to meet in the lobby of Wolfram & Hart. When she arrived, he kissed her, his lips brushing her cheek a little longer than necessary. For the moment, they were sharing a nice, close friendship, and neither of them wanted to rush things.

She took his hand. “Let’s go. It’s on the eighth floor.”

“Did you warn him we were coming?”

“I called him yesterday; he said there was no problem.”

The elevator’ doors opened and they stepped into the lobby. Dawn walked to Harmony’s desk, Connor on her trail and observing everything around him with a smile.

“Hey Harmony. We’re here to see Angel. Is he available?”

“Hi Dawn. I think he is, yes. Hold on.” She pressed the intercom. “Boss, Dawn Summers is here.”

“Let her in, Harmony.”

Dawn and Connor walked into the office as Angel stood, smiling at Dawn. “Hey Dawnie. It’s nice to see you. How’s your sis…”

He stopped abruptly, noticing the young man, accompanying her. She didn’t notice his trouble. “Hi Angel. Buffy’s fine. She says hello. Angel, I want you to meet Connor. He goes to UCLA, and is a law student.”

All smile, Connor held his hand. “Good morning, Mr. Angel. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Frozen in place, Angel couldn’t have a coherent thought. This wasn’t happening.

This couldn’t be happening.

He wasn’t supposed to see his son ever again. That had been the deal. His son, that was now smiling and looking at him like he never had before. With respect and appreciation. A look that Angel had hoped to see during an entire year, but in vain. And now he finally got it.

Because Connor had no clue who he really was.

“Angel, are you ok?” Dawn asked, frowning. The vampire then realized that Connor was still with his hand in the air and started to look slightly uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry,” he said, taking Connor’s hand and shaking it, forcing a smile upon his face. He wasn’t prepared for this.

But * who * could be prepared for this? “Nice to meet you, Connor,” he added, wondering briefly why they hadn’t changed his name.

Dawn smiled at him. “I know you have a lot of work, but Connor really wanted to see the inside of Wolfram & Hart.”

“It’s alright,” Angel said, regaining his senses.

Connor walked to the weapons-covered wall, whistling softly. “That’s so cool. I love antiques weapons. Do you use them?”

“With some recalcitrant clients, sometimes, yes,” Angel replied, making it sound like a joke – except it wasn’t. Connor laughed, examining a sword.

Angel swallowed painfully. This was both a nightmare and a wonderful miracle at the same time.

“So, you want to take a tour of the office?” he asked the young man. He couldn’t help but feel proud. This wasn’t the teenager he had known. Connor had turned into a very handsome and confident young man. That barely controlled anger that seemed to inhabit him all the time was gone.

Those last two years, Angel had missed him every day, but he had never doubt he had made the right choice when giving Connor up. Now he had the proof.

He showed the young man around, answering all of his enthusiastic questions. He didn’t know what fate had brought Dawn and Connor together, thus bringing Connor back to him, but he started to think it was more of a miracle than a nightmare. If only he had the slightest chance to be a part of Connor’s life again, whatever small part that may be, he would take it. But he didn’t want to take any risk.

Angel took them to Gunn’s office. He watched closely but Gunn didn’t flinch when he was introduced to Connor. “Gunn is the smart one around here. He’ll answer most of your questions better than I can.”

Connor didn’t let the opportunity pass and started to ask him about all sorts of legal matters. Angel took Dawn aside. “Is the rest of the gang ok?” he asked.

“They are all fine,” she said, biting her tongue. It was hard not to say anything about Spike, but she had promised Buffy. Her sister wanted to tell Angel herself.

“So,” Angel said, “He seems like a nice guy, and smart. Are the two of you dating?”

She giggled. “Not really, no. Well, not yet. He’s cute, isn’t he?”

Angel smiled. “I guess so, yeah.”

“You know, it’s funny. The first time I saw him he reminded me a little bit of you. I don’t know why.”

“Probably the cute factor,” Angel said, raising an eyebrow.

“Or just the fact that he’s tall with brown hair and has a serious look on his face,” she replied teasingly.

Not wanting to go further with the resemblance between Connor and him, he proposed to go on with the tour. They passed by Fred’s lab before returning to Angel’s office. Connor went back to what seemed to be one of his favourite
topics : antique weapons. Angel and him were talking animatedly about fencing and swords.

“I used to fence, but now with college I don’t have much time,” Connor said.

“We have a training room. If you want…I mean, when you have time, you can come here and we can spar,” Angel offered, not sure it was the brightest idea but not caring at all. Seeing Connor’s face brighten was his best reward.

“You’re serious? That would be great!”

Angel smiled at his obvious joy. This was so easy. Why couldn’t it have been that easy two years ago? The circumstances had been so dreadful. He never had had the chance to talk with Connor, to try and build a father/son relationship. Now that they were strangers, maybe that relationship he had longed for had a chance…ironically.

But he knew the terms of the deal he had made with Lilah. Connor would never know, or remember.

Wesley walked into the office. “Angel, I deciphered half of that parchment you…oh, good morning Dawn. How are you?”
“I’m good, thanks. Wesley, this is Connor, a friend from college. He’s a law student.”

“How do you do?” Wesley shook Connor’s hand, smiling. Like Gunn, and Fred, he didn’t seem to recognize the young man.

Angel took one of his business cards and handed it to Connor. “Here’s my number. Call me anytime, if you want to fence, or…anything. Don’t hesitate.” He tried to restrain the pleading from his voice, and only half succeeded. Fortunately, no one noticed.

Connor looked absolutely ecstatic. “Oh, I will, that’s for sure. You’ll soon get tired of hearing my voice all the time,” he joked.

“Oh, I doubt it,” Angel said, giving him a vigorous handshake. A hug would probably have been very confusing and a little bit too much.

“Well, we’ll let you guys work,” Dawn said. “Thanks for the tour, Angel.”

“Thanks again, Mr Angel,” Connor repeated warmly.

“Angel. Just Angel,” the vampire said, watching them leave.

“He seems like quite a nice young man,” Wesley said. “Is he Dawn’s boyfriend?”

“It’s a matter of time, apparently. They make a cute couple. What did you find out…Wes, what are you doing?”

Wesley looked at him, puzzled. “Scratching my neck. It felt itchy all of a sudden. Why?”

“No…no reason. Let’s go back to that parchment.”

Wesley explained what he had found out, but nothing penetrated Angel’s brain.

Lilah had told him that neither Connor nor the others would remember. Their memories had been altered definitively. Angel hadn’t liked to play with his friends’ minds like that, but at the time it had seemed the only reasonable option.
So if there were no risks having Connor back in his life…he would definitely try to make things right this time.

CHAPTER 7

William arrived a few minutes before lunch break. Buffy was still busy with her lesson, training girls surrounding her with all sorts of self-defense strategies so he waited patiently, watching her move. It was funny how such a petite figure could convey such strength. She didn’t look especially fragile, but he could sense a great vulnerability in her.

But maybe he wasn’t sensing it, maybe it was simply because deep inside of him, he knew her. Since last night, a deeply buried part of him had awakened. The part that remembered how easy it was to love her. A feeling of belonging, protectiveness and partnership.

All that rush of emotions was a little overwhelming, but he didn’t care. He needed it.

He needed her.

He wondered how he could need so much someone he had met only a few days ago. In his heart, it made sense. In his head, the idea was bordering on scary. It was probably normal, considering their previous relationship had been quite intense.

Buffy noticed him and waved with a smile before finishing her lesson. “That’s it for this morning, girls. I’ll see you this afternoon.” She intercepted a pretty black-haired girl. “Yani, could you get Mr. Giles for me, please?”

The young slayer smiled. “Sure.”

She followed the others in a brouhaha of laughs and talks. William watched them leave. “They are pretty impressive. I wouldn’t want to meet one of them in a dark alley one night.”

She went to him, smiling, and he welcomed her in his arms. They exchanged a passionate kiss.

“I missed you,” he whispered. “Last night was amazing.”

Her face lit up. “I missed you too. Even if technically it’s only been…” she checked her watch. “…five hours.”

“An eternity,” he said in a dramatic tone, and she giggled.
Giles arrived and they separated. William turned to him and held his hand. “Mr. Giles. I’m William Atherton. But I guess you know me already.”

Giles took his hand and shook it slowly. “Indeed I do. It’s…nice to see you again, William.”

Buffy had already told him everything, so Giles was prepared. But even then, it was still a shock to the older man. Of course the former vampire looked slightly different – the hair, the glasses, the sun-kissed complexion. But other things – the blue eyes, the trademark smirk, the casual look, jeans and leather jacket – screamed of Spike. From what Giles had read and heard from Buffy, William was a perfect mix between his former human and vampire self.

He had already started to write about it in the Watcher’s diaries. He had witnessed countless extraordinary things in his career, but this one was a first. At least for him.

Buffy could almost see the wheels turning in Giles’ head and she cleared her throat. She knew he couldn’t help it, but she didn’t like the ‘fascinating specimen to study’ look he had when he was looking at William.

William didn’t seem thrown by it. “I wish I could say the same, sir. As a compatriot, I’m sure we would have a lot of things to talk about.”

Buffy snorted softly. Lots of things indeed. Like how Giles had tried to have him killed while he was distracting her.

“Buffy told me you’ve been having dreams. Did you remember anything else?”

“Not really. Sometimes it feels like a memory…a scent, or an impression of déjà vu…it’s always very vague. So I guess meeting people I used to know is a big help. The first concrete dreams and memories happened after I met Buffy and Dawn.”

“I see. Well, if I might be of any help, just let me know.”

“Thank you sir. It’s greatly appreciated.”

“Please call me Giles. Buffy can give you my direct phone number, in case you have questions, or just want to talk.”

“I sure will. It’s nice to know I have friends, especially one from the mother country,” William said with a smile.

“Right.” Giles seemed a little bit embarrassed, and did what he always did in these occasions: cleaning his glasses.

“Do you have time for lunch?” Buffy asked.

William sent her a regretful look. “Actually no. I already have a date. Tall, cute brunette…goes by the name of Dawn,” he said, avoiding stealthily her playful slap.

She pouted. “I can’t believe she double-crossed me.”

“She called me this morning. She said I had no choice since it was my fault she stayed alone all night.”

William had barely finished his sentence when he realized Giles was still standing there. He turned a crimson red, matching the pretty colour on Buffy’s face.

Giles gracefully ignored the comment, smiling. “I wish you a nice day, then, William. I’m sure we’ll see each other soon.”

“I hope so. Have a nice day, sir…Giles.”

“Buffy, could you come in my office when you have a minute?”

“Sure,” she said.

Giles was about to leave when William held him back. “Excuse me, but do you have a son named Randy?”

Buffy and Giles looked at each other.

“No,” the older man said. “Why?”

William shrugged. “The name ‘Randy Giles’ suddenly came to mind. I thought maybe…”

“Randy Giles is not my son. It was a made up name you were given during a…” he looked at Buffy helplessly. “…a role playing game we did once.”
Buffy smiled. “See? I told you things would come back.”

Giles nodded. “That’s certainly encouraging. Buffy, when you’re ready…” he said before leaving.

She rolled her eyes. “Well, I’m certainly in for a lecture.”

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I didn’t realize what I said until it was too late.”

“Don’t worry. I would have told him eventually. I told you, he’s like my dad. Very protective.”

“Is that why he had such a distant behaviour? I did get the impression he doesn’t like me very much.”

Buffy sighed. “He never approved of our relationship…I tried to make him understand you were a good person, but he had all sorts of prejudices…some of them were reasonable, but still…”

Look who’s talking, Buffy, a little voice said inside her head. “Things are different now. He’ll come around,” she assured him. Of course Giles had been very impressed by Spike’s sacrifice, and there was a form of respect when he talked about the vampire after that, but when it came to Buffy and her feelings, his position had remained unchanged. There had been a certain trust between Angel and him, until Angel had killed Jenny after losing his soul. Giles had never trusted Spike, even with the chip and the soul, and he could never accept Buffy’s involvement with him.

William cleared his throat. “By the way, about last night…we didn’t use any protection. I should have thought about it, but I was rather busy,” he finished, caressing her cheek.

“Don’t worry. I’m on the pill.”

“Oh, good. Not that I wouldn’t, but…I mean, that would probably be a little too rushed.”

She chuckled. “I agree. But no worries. And I haven’t been with anyone else since you. So I should be safe on that side too.”

“Same here. When I was found they ran all kind of blood tests on me and I was clean. I didn’t know who I was, but I was a string healthy bloke,” he joked. “If you prefer, I can buy some condoms for the next time.”

She blushed slightly. That was definitely an unusual and awkward conversation to have with him. She put her arms around his waist and looked at him tenderly. “No. I don’t want anything to come between us.”

He smiled and pressed a kiss on her hair, her forehead and then on her lips. “I can’t believe I spent the last two years not remembering you existed. And now I can’t even imagine life without you.”

“I know the feeling,” she said, pressing her body against his. Their mouths met again in a lingering kiss.

“Jim and Anna will be back this afternoon. Do you want to come by tonight? I want you to meet them.”

“Yeah, sure. I have a lot to thank them for.”

“I’ll pick you up at 7 pm?”

She nodded and he let her go reluctantly. “Have a nice afternoon, pet.” He kissed her one last time before disappearing.

Buffy sighed, torn between happiness and anguish. This was way too good to last.


§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Buffy walked into Giles' office, and sat down in one of the comfortable chairs in front of his desk. The place was welcoming, with wooden shelves full of books. The sun was coming in through the window, its rays giving a warm luminosity to the place.

He took off his glasses and put them on the desk. “Do you know what you’re doing?” he asked her quietly.

She lowered her head. “No. I don’t. I just know I can’t lose him again.”

“Buffy, obviously you can’t keep the truth from him.”

“I know that! God, I can already picture that conversation: ‘Hey William, by the way, you were a vampire for 120 years, and you killed hundreds of people, but you made amends and saved the world, so I guess it makes it ok.’ Yeah, that’s going to go well.”

Despite the situation, a small smile crept on Giles’ lips. “Maybe a bit more delicacy would be appropriate.”

Buffy sighed. “There’s no way he can take this right Giles…can you only imagine…? Having him back like this…it’s like a second chance.”

“And no one deserve it more than you and Spike, even I can agree with that. But Buffy, it’s not a second chance if he starts his new life like this. And are you really willing to spend your time lying to him?”

“Of course not. The whole situation is tearing me apart. The only hope I have is for him to remember by himself…and even then I’m scared to imagine his reaction. You’ve seen him Giles. He looks happy. He’s got people who care for him, a job. He’s a normal human being. How can I ruin that?”

“You could be totally selfless and walk out of his life. But…” he added off Buffy’s look, “I guess that was not an option you considered.”

“Does that make me a selfish person?” she asked, feeling slightly ashamed. That option – and Giles was right, she hadn’t considered it – would solve the problem. But Hell would freeze over before it happened. That was the coward’s way to avoid problems. That’s what Angel had done 6 years ago and she had always resented him a little bit for that.

“Not really,” Giles said with a soft smile. “Besides, seeing how William looks at you…it’s much too late. Avoiding each other would make both of you profoundly miserable.”

“I wouldn’t be able to do that, Giles. There has to be a way…I don’t know what to do, or what to say. Where to start.” She put her head in her hand in a defeated gesture.

Giles cleared his throat. “Buffy, have you ever thought that Spike might not remember? That he’s not supposed to regain his memory?”

She shook her head, confused. “What? What do you mean?”
“I went to see Wesley, yesterday.” Buffy’s eyes grew wide and he added quickly, “I didn’t tell him it was about Spike. I made up some story…you should definitely tell Angel, by the way.”

“I’ll call him tonight,” she said.

“Anyway, when you told me the first time, I immediately thought about the Shanshu.”

“Angel’s prophecy?”

“Yes. The terms of the prophecy were rather fitting…but it turns out that it concerns Angel, and only him. Wesley went further in the translation and if Angel’s name isn’t specifically mentioned, all signs obviously point to him. So I dropped that theory. The problem is, it is an unprecedented event. I couldn’t find anything, so I had to make my own theory…for what it’s worth.”

“I’m all ears,” she said.

“You know that with the Shanshu, Angel will one day become human as a reward for his atonement and fight against evil. But at the same time, he will have to live his life with the memory of what he did. The guilty conscience will never really go away.”

“Yeah, and we know how good he’s at that,” she said without malevolence.

“So I thought, if this resurrection is supposed to be a reward, as it probably is in William’s case, the memory loss makes sense. It is supposed to be a second chance for a redeemed demon, to live a normal life. But how could it be normal if the person has to live with a memory full of evil deeds, mayhem and murders?”

“But William did remember some stuff,” she objected. “About me, Dawn…even you, a few minutes ago.”

“Probably because he was brought in contact with you, which wasn’t supposed to happen.”

She rolled her eyes. “Then whoever brought him back maybe shouldn’t have put him in the same city.”

“I know you don’t like to hear this, Buffy,” Giles said with a half smile, “but Spike’s resurrection had nothing to do with you or where you were. He was brought back where he died, and I guess that whatever Powers did it, their work stopped there. Whatever happens to him afterwards is not their problem anymore.”

Buffy thought about it for a few minutes before a smile crept on her face. “Then that means that Spike and I are bound together. That whatever obstacles we encounter, we always find our way back to each other.”

“I suppose that’s the romantic vision of things, yes. The less romantic part will be when you have to tell him the truth. Because I don’t think you can pursue any kind of relationship with him and lie for much longer.”

The defeated look was back on her face, and Giles’ heart broke for her. She wouldn’t be spared anything.
He got up and went to sit on the chair next to hers. “I know you hope for him to remember. So you don’t have to be the bearer of the truth. But you have to consider the fact that he may never remember anything really concrete before months, even years. At some point, you or Dawn are going to have a slip of the tongue, or it will become simply unbearable.”

“So I have to ruin his second chance at a normal life by telling him the truth. I don’t think he’s going to like me very much after that.”

Her eyes were dry but Giles could hear the tears in her voice. He put his hand on her shoulder. “Buffy, I thought you of all people would have more faith in Spike’s feelings towards you. Even death – yours and his – couldn’t keep you apart. Maybe it won’t end as badly as you think it will.”

She gave him a weak but grateful smile, before hugging him quickly. “Thank you,” she said, and many more words of gratitude and love hung between them but she didn’t need to say them. And here she had thought he wouldn’t understand. Despite the few differences they had had, Giles was the solid and faithful anchor of her life.

Spike had been the other one. He had died, and still had succeeded to find his way back to her.

Maybe destiny would be lenient this time and she would have her happy ending.

Maybe.

CHAPTER 8

“Hello Buffy. I’m glad you could come. We’ve heard so much about you!”

Buffy smiled at Anna Clarke, and her smile widened when she heard William groan softly behind her. The Clarke’s welcomed her warmly and she felt instantly at ease.

During dinner, they asked a lot of questions about her sister and her, and of course about William’s past. Buffy tried to answer the best she could, sticking as close as possible to the version she had already given William. It wouldn’t do good to get something wrong.

The more she went on, the more she realized that it had to stop, and very soon. She hated lying to those nice people as much as to William. And the longer she waited, the bigger the lies got.

She looked at William and her heart sank. He was looking at her with such tenderness on his face…she dreaded the moment where that look would turn into one of incomprehension and absolute confusion.

Thanks to the Clarke’s kindness and the delicious meal, she was able to put the problems aside for a while. But when she found herself alone with William in the evening, they came back full force. She was torn between telling him right away and getting done with it once and for all, or postponing it one last time and enjoy a quiet and loving evening with him.

The coward’s way won, and she didn’t say anything.

“Are you ok?” he asked, noticing her nervousness. “You’re all skittish.”

She smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry. I guess I was a little nervous about meeting Jim and Anna. No reason, because they are truly adorable.”

He took her in his arms, rubbing her back soothingly. “They are. So what’s the real problem? You’re so tense.” His mouth traced a line of kisses against her jaw and neckline and she closed her eyes, sighing.

“Tension definitely going away,” she smiled.

Their lips joined and she put all her heart into the kiss, pressing her body against his, eliciting a moan of pleasure. They took their time to undress each other, kissing and nibbling every part of flesh being unveiled. His hands were running on her skin, and her name was on his lips, each syllable a declaration of love. They exchanged more fevered kisses, and he lifted her in his arms to put her on the bed.

His fingers searched her womanly softness, and let a gasp of pleasure escape when he reached it. With slow, teasing strokes, he brought her rapidly to ecstasy. He was kissing her the whole time, as if he couldn’t get enough of her lips, and she responded to his mouth and his touch eagerly.

They made love passionately, their bodies instinctively finding the perfect rhythm, until a powerful orgasm engulfed them both. Buffy fought to catch her breath. Her climax had almost been painful by its intensity. With her touches and kisses she tried to confer all the love and devotion she felt for him, hoping against all odds some part of him would remember it when she told him the truth. Hoping he would understand she hadn’t tried to hurt him. She loved him too much for that.

“I love you,” she said, echoing her own thought. She couldn’t hold it anymore. And she didn’t want to think that she experienced that perfect bliss for the last time. It couldn’t be.

He kissed her forehead, caressing her cheek, pulling her comfortably against him. “It’s weird because I don’t remember saying those words to anyone,” he whispered, his mouth against her skin. “But when I think about you they are the first that come to mind.”

They lay entangled, kissing and cuddling, but he fell asleep very quickly. And she was glad he couldn’t hear her silent cries.


§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

“Angel’s not in his office right now, can I take a message?” Harmony said in a singing voice to someone on the phone. “Oh wait, here he comes. Hold on a minute, please.”

She pushed on a mute button. “Angel, I have this person who wants to…”

“Not now Harmony. Take the message.”

“Ok. Hello, Mr. Connor? He’s not availab…”

Angel, who was walking towards the lift, came back jogging. “It’s alright, I’ll take it in my office.”

Harmony rolled her eyes. “Make up your mind already,” she muttered.

Angel sat behind his desk and took a deep breath before picking up the receiver. “Hello?”

“Mr. Angel? Hi, it’s Connor. Dawn’s friend. Do you remember me?”

“Sure! How’ve you been?”

“I’m good, thanks. I’m sorry to bother you, but you said I could call, so…”

“No, you did well. I’m glad you did call me.”

“I don’t have classes tomorrow afternoon, so if you’re free I would love to take you up on that sparring proposition.”

“That won’t be any problem. Let me see…is two thirty ok for you?”

“That’s great. And thanks for the offer.”

“I’m glad you called. See you tomorrow, Connor.”

“Bye.”

Angel hung up and contemplated the telephone with a goofy grin on his face. He got up and walked out of his office. “Harmony, cancel all my appointments for tomorrow afternoon please.”

“Really? Because you have that meeting with the L’Fnick clan, and they won’t be very hap…”

“Tell them I’m sorry. I have something very important to do.”

She sighed. “Ok. But if they’re pissed enough to try and take over the world, don’t blame it on me.”

Whistling, he was walking over to Wesley’s office when a voice resonated behind him.

“You sound happy. Is this a bad sign?”

Angel turned around, smiling. “Buffy. I just had some good news. How are you?”

“I’m good.” She hugged him.

“It’s nice to see you here. I don’t often have that pleasure.”

“Well, you know what I think about this place.” Her face became serious. “Angel, I need to talk to you about something rather…unexpected.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Well, I’ve had some of that lately. Shoot, I’m prepared.”

“Spike is alive.”

Shock appeared all over his face. “What?”

“He’s alive. And I mean alive as in human. Heartbeat and all that. He was apparently brought back two years ago, a few days after Sunnydale’s destruction.”

“Two years ago? But how…why didn’t he let us know?”

She smiled sadly. “He doesn’t remember. Anything…or anyone.”

They had migrated back into Angel’s office and sat down on the sofa. “How did this happen?” Angel asked. Buffy told him about Giles’ theory, and how she had met Spike – now William – totally randomly while going to the library.

“So it’s like the Shanshu, only with a memory swipe,” he said. “It has its upsides, I suppose. Although it must be kinda frustrating.”

“He got used to it. After two years, he’s resigned, even if he hopes to remember. Of course he’s better since I told him a very altered version of his past.” She sighed. “I’m so sick of lying to him.”
Angel nodded. “I understand.” He looked her in the eyes. “I remember what you told me about your feelings for him two years ago. They haven’t changed, apparently.”

She chuckled. “They’re back with a vengeance. And now that he’s human…I can’t help but think of all the possibilities, the future we could…” She stopped, and Angel took her hand.

“Buffy…I don’t know exactly how I feel about Spike’s return. My other prodigal son…or grandson, in this case.”

She frowned. “What?”

“Never mind. I can’t say I was ecstatic when you told me about your relationship with him. Then he sacrificed himself, and you told me everything he had done. Even if I had some trouble believing you, that resurrection, or whatever it is, seems like a good proof he deserved it. If this makes you happy, if Spike…or William is the one you want, I won’t be the one standing in your way, or telling you what to do.”

She looked at him, amazed. “Wow. Maybe this place doesn’t have such an evil influence after all. Or you’re on drugs,” she joked.

He laughed. “No. Things have just been good lately. I enjoy them while they last.”

She smiled, giving him another hug. Even if they weren’t in love anymore, and didn’t see each other very often, the friendship was definitely there and comforting for both of them.

She let him go and stood up. “Spike…William needs to know the truth. I can’t go on with the pretenses. I love him too much. But I need your help.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Can you be there with me when I tell him? You are his family. Except for me, you’re the person who knows him the best. And I’m afraid he won’t believe me, or won’t even listen if I do this alone. And…it will be easier for me too,” she admitted.

“I get that. Don’t worry, I’ll be there. We should decide what we’re going to tell him, or how…”

“Can you come to my place around 6 tomorrow? I’ll ask him to come around 7, it will give us some time to think about the best way to tell him…if there’s a best way to tell that kind of stuff.”

“I’ll be there,” he repeated.

“Thanks. I have to go back, there’s a bunch of slayers in need of training. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

They hugged one last time. “Really Angel, thank you.”

“Anytime.”

At the door, she turned around. “I like that less broody version of you,” she said with a sweet smile.

“Me too,” he said, and when she was gone he added, “I just hope it won’t hit me right in the face.”


§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Angel had trouble believing Connor would really come to see him, until the young man showed up in the lobby. They shook hands.

“Hey. I hope it’s ok for me to come on a weekday. You must be pretty busy.”

“Don’t worry. I haven’t been training for a while, so it’s a good opportunity for me. Are you ready?”

They took the elevators and Angel led him to a basement floor arranged to serve as a big training room. One of the extremities was full with body building equipments. The other one was empty and destined for wrestling and fencing. After changing in the dressing room, Angel and Connor went to choose amongst an impressive panel of swords.

“En garde,” Angel said in a melodramatic tone, and Connor chuckled. They sparred for some time and Angel realized that his son hadn’t lost his ability to fight. He was still pretty good, and even succeeded in surpassing Angel several times.

They sometimes stopped to drink and chat, Connor telling him about his family and life at college. He looked really radiant and happy. Angel knew he could never tell his son the truth, but being able to talk to him and be the witness of his new life was a miracle in itself. He was immensely grateful for it. And he didn’t want to sound delusional, but maybe they could even become friends. The age difference wasn’t that big anymore. Of course, Connor might one day wonder why Angel didn’t get older. But the vampire would deal with these issues in time. Now he just wanted to enjoy his son’s presence.

The conversation drifted towards Dawn and Angel asked him if they were going out.

Connor smiled and blushed slightly. “Not exactly. But I like her very much, so it will very likely happen soon. I think she likes me too and we definitely have a great friendship.”

“That’s important,” Angel agreed, thinking about his relationship with Cordelia. Not a day passed that he didn’t think about her.

“And you? You have a girlfriend?” Connor asked.

“There was…but she died two years ago. There’s been no one, since.”

“I’m sorry,” Connor said, putting his hand on Angel’s shoulder in a comforting manner. They exchanged a smile.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in that same feeling of complicity and companionship. When it was time for Connor to go, Angel was prompt to assure him he was welcome anytime.

“I had a great time, so if you want to do something…you know, just chill out…when you’re not seeing Dawn, of course,” Angel teased him.

Connor smiled and punched him gently in the shoulder. “It’s a deal. I’ll give you my cell phone number, and we can keep in touch.”

They exchanged a manly hug, and then Connor left, repeating he would call in the next few days.
After he was gone, Angel stayed a few moments in the training room, before remembering he was expected to be at Buffy’s in one hour.

It put a slight damper on his spirits knowing what he would have to do tonight, tell a probably very disbelieving William about his past as a vampire. Since yesterday, he couldn’t help but wonder what kind of relationship he could build with him. After all, they were family. They had hated and loved each other with all their guts. But neither of them could deny the connection, the bond that had always existed between them.

His family was miraculously coming back to him, and even if neither of them remembered anything, Angel decided to give this second chance a good shot.

CHAPTER 9


Angel arrived at the Summer’s apartment at six o’clock. Dawn opened the door.

“Hey Angel.”

“Hello Dawn. I didn’t expect to see you. I thought you’d be out with Connor.”

“I was just leaving. By the way, he told me he had a blast this afternoon. He thinks you’re the coolest guy in the world.”

Angel smiled. “Really?”

“Totally. Don’t forget I saw him first, though,” she told him with a playful slap on the arm.

“So what are you waiting for?” he teased back. “He obviously likes you a lot.”

She blushed but was prevented from answering by Buffy’s arrival from the kitchen. Angel noticed she was looking extremely nice. “Can you believe I still haven’t met him?” she said, tossing a glare at her sister. “I’m starting to think Dawn’s ashamed of me.”

Behind the teasing, Angel could feel her nervousness. He could also pick up the higher than usual rhythm of her heart.

Dawn took her jacket and turned to Buffy. “Seriously, you don’t want me to stay?”

Buffy shook her head. “It’s ok. Angel and I will do fine…I guess,” she added.

Dawn hugged her. “I’ll think about you every minute. And if you need me I’ve got my cell phone.”

“Thanks Dawnie. I know I shouldn’t expect too much. I just hope things won’t go too badly…”


§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

“Is this some kind of sick joke??”

Buffy closed her eyes and lowered her head. Not too badly, indeed.

It had started rather well, though. Before William’s arrival, Angel and her had discussed the best way to tell him. When William arrived, Buffy introduced Angel. They made some small talk; William asked a few questions about their ‘family’, and Angel answered carefully. Buffy could see he was also a little bit disconcerted by William’s appearance and manners.

“It’s incredible. He’s really a perfect mix between both his past selves,” he said to Buffy when William excused himself to go wash his hands.

They all sat in the living room, with beers for the guys and white wine for Buffy. She looked at Angel several times nervously, wondering when he would start. They had decided he would be the one to launch into the delicate subject.

The surprise came when Angel asked, “William, what do you know about vampires?” and the young man didn’t flinch, simply answering, “I know they exist.”

Buffy’s eyes grew wide. “You know?”

He nodded. “Last year, after leaving a restaurant late at night, we were attacked. I was with my then girlfriend, Meg and her husband. They came out of nowhere, two of them. Suddenly, a young girl arrived and killed them both after a quick fight. She left immediately after. I’m not sure what surprised us the most, the vampires or that girl.”

“The girl you saw was a slayer,” Buffy explained. “She fights vampires and demons.”

William nodded. “I read about it. After the attack, I did some research, but couldn’t find much. I read something about the Slayer, though. Chosen one, called to defend the world against the forces of darkness. To be honest, I didn’t give it much credit. I thought it was some sort of myth.”

Buffy smiled. “It’s not. I was the Slayer…the only one, until my friend Willow did a spell two years ago and all the potentials slayers in the world were called. Which means I’m kind of retired now.”
It was his turn to look shocked. “You were the Slayer? Wow…” He did seem pretty amazed, but not rebuffed by the idea. He gave it some thought before asking, “So, all those girls you were training…”

“…They’re all slayers,” she confirmed.

“Pretty impressive,” he said, looking at her with admiration. He turned to Angel. “Does that mean you’re some kind of demon fighter too?”

Angel hesitated. “Well, yes. Sort of.”

“You were too,” Buffy told William. “You helped me a lot. You even saved my life several times.”

William looked more and more pleased by the minute. Buffy’s heart swelled, hoping for a brief instant that he would take what they were about to tell him rather smoothly. It was a foolish thought, but she held on to it for a moment. She sighed and looked at Angel who nodded imperceptibly.

She took a deep breath. “There is something, though, that you should know about Angel…and about you.”

Her mouth was suddenly awfully dry and she took a sip of her wine, her eyes not leaving his face. He was waiting, watching her with a loving look in his eyes.

“Angel…Angel is a vampire.”

William took off his glasses, looked from Buffy to Angel, swallowed a big gulp of beer before asking, “What?”

Buffy got up and went to kneel beside him, taking his hand in hers.

“William. You were a vampire too. You didn’t disappear in an earthquake. You sacrificed yourself to save the world.”

Again, his blue gaze wandered between Angel and her before he burst out laughing. “Come on. That’s ridiculous. You’re not bloody serio….” He stopped, the look on their faces telling him otherwise. “You are serious,” he realized, before getting up abruptly. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”

“Spike…William. I know this must be a shock,” Angel said in a calming voice.
William turned to him with an accusing glare. “You. Did you make me a vampire?”

“Indirectly. I sired Drusilla, who sired you.”

“When?”

“In 1880”

William let out an incredulous laugh. “This is getting better and better.” He took several deep breaths before turning to Buffy with plain anger on his face. “So everything you told me about my past was a lie?”

“Not exactly. I just gave you a softer version.”

“Well obviously we didn’t go to high school together, right?”

Carefully, she answered, “I told you we met in high school. I just lied about he guidance counselor job.”

William sat back, putting his head in his hands. Buffy and Angel were waiting, not daring to say anything else as long as it was not necessary.

“I can’t believe this,” he said, shaking his head. “How do I know you’re not going to jump at my throat?” he asked Angel.

“I have a soul.”

William raised an eyebrow. “So? Serial killers have souls too.”

“Well…it’s different for vampires,” Angel said, for a lack of a better explanation.

“And what, you don’t kill anyone anymore?”

“I don’t kill humans. And from what Buffy told me, neither did you when you got yours.”

Buffy opened her mouth and closed it quickly. It was probably wiser not to start with the First Evil’s trigger incident. After all, it hadn’t been really Spike’s fault.

William looked at Buffy. His eyes were full of questions and confusion, gone was the love and tenderness she had seen just fifteen minutes before. She shivered.
“If you are The Slayer, and I was a vampire, how come we never killed each other?”

“It wasn’t for lack of trying at first. Then…you fell in love with me, and I saw you change. Despite being a demon and having no soul, you willingly changed and became someone good. Someone exceptional. And that’s probably the reason why you’re back with us.”

She proceeded to explain Giles’ theory, the reward, and the memory loss. “I guess they hadn’t counted on us meeting again. You were supposed to go on leading a normal life, without a clue as to what you were once.”

“I’m starting to think it would have been better,” he muttered, and even if Buffy knew he was angry and confused, it stung deeply all the same. She held back her tears, not wanting to cry in front of Angel.

William stayed silent for a while, before asking in a toneless voice, “So, as a vampire, before the ‘becoming good’ part…I suppose I killed a lot of people?”

Angel nodded slowly. “Yes. You did.”

The young man took off his glasses and closed his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose. “That’s just bloody brilliant,” he muttered to himself.

Buffy didn’t know exactly what to add at that moment. What could she tell him? He needed to digest everything first. Besides, she wasn’t sure he wanted to hear anything from her for the moment. Timidly, she put her hand on his but he stood up like she had bitten him.

“I’m sorry, but I need to…I’ll just go.”

In three long strides, he was out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. They heard the motor of the bike roar and disappear in the distance.

Paralyzed, Buffy stayed on the floor, staring into space. “I hope he’s not going to do something stupid,” she said.

“I don’t think so. He’s just completely shocked. Who wouldn’t be? The best thing for him now is to be alone. Process everything.”

Buffy glanced at the clock and realized it had been only 45 minutes since William had arrived.

“Are you ok?” Angel asked, worried at her expressionless face.

“No. But I’ll manage.”

“What do you want me to do? I can stay if you want me too, but if you wish to be alone…”

“Do you mind?” she asked with a weak smile.

He smiled back. “What? Staying or leaving?”

“Staying a bit. I had bought something for dinner, but I’m not hungry. If you want I can prepare…”

“I’m good. And I’ll stay as long as you need me. I’m there for you, Buffy.”

“I know,” she said, coming to sit beside him, putting her head on his shoulder.

“He just need some time,” Angel went on, trying to bring her some comfort. “It’s a lot to take in, but with time he’ll realize that it’s the past, and the future is what really counts. A future with you. Who would be stupid enough to reject that? Well, except me. But if he doesn’t see that, then he’s a jerk and you have nothing to do with him.”

She chuckled sadly. “Thank you.”

To take her mind off the evening’s events, Angel told her about Connor and the afternoon he had spend with him. He tried to make it look like a ‘report’ on Dawn’s boyfriend, but the truth was he needed to talk to someone about the boy. Even if Buffy was listening, he knew she had too much on her mind to really pay attention if he was speaking too warmly about a guy he supposedly barely knew.

Buffy’s stomach growled and he laughed. “You’re sure you don’t want to eat something?”

She shrugged. “I’m hungry, but I don’t have the courage to prepare someth…”

A knock on the door interrupted her. She jumped on her feet. “Oh God. It’s him.”

“I didn’t hear the motorbike,” Angel said, but Buffy was already at the door, opening it. William was indeed there.

“You came back,” she said with a wide smile, trying not to throw herself in his arms. “I’m so glad,” she smiled tenderly to him, but he didn’t reply.

Angel got up. “I’ll leave you two alone. William…if there’s anything, here’s my direct line,” he added, giving him a paper with his phone number.

William took it, mumbling a thanks. Angel awkwardly patted him on the shoulder, and gave a quick hug to Buffy. “Good luck,” he whispered in her ear.

“Thanks.”

And he was gone, leaving Buffy and William face to face in the hall. She didn’t dare to say anything.

Finally, he sighed and looked at her, leaning on the wall. “What did you do to me?”

CHAPTER 10


Confused, all she could say was “What?”

He moved to the living room, and she followed him. She watched him pacing.

“What did you do to me? I didn’t know you two weeks ago. You put my world upside down, telling me horror stories about my past, and yet I can’t stay away from you.”

Hope swelled in her heart. “I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted was to upset you with the truth. But I had no choice. I couldn’t lie to you anymore. And you did such amazing things…”

He didn’t answer, still walking back and forth.

“How do you feel?” she asked timidly.

He finally stopped and turned to her. “I’m not sure. Like the world’s fallen down around me. I’m confused, because the realistic part of me has trouble accepting it. And the other part is scared of the notion of what being a vampire for more than a hundred years implies. And I’m angry that you lied to me, even if I can understand that it’s not the kind of news that you break just like that.”

“Things went so fast between us…I wanted to tell you, then you were so gentle and sweet, and it was so good, I didn’t want to ruin it. Because I could only imagine how you would look at me then…the way you’re looking at me now,” she finished sadly.

He nodded. “So when you told me you loved me…”

“I meant it!” she exclaimed in a sudden angry tone. “That was the truth!”

“Well, excuse me for doubting your word, but…”

“Not about that! I never lied about my feelings! Why don’t you believe me?”

Taken aback by her aggressiveness, he said, “I believe…”

“No you didn’t! You didn’t!”
Sobs were now wracking her shoulders, and her use of the past tense made him understand. “That’s Spike,” he said quietly. “Spike didn’t believe you.”

She breathed deeply, trying to calm herself down. “Just before you died, I told you I loved you. You said I didn’t. You died believing I didn’t love you. It’s been crushing me for two years.” She sniffled and reached for a Kleenex.

Despite his anger, he couldn’t stand to see her like this. He took her in his arms and she clung to him. He caressed her hair soothingly. “I don’t know why he didn’t believe you, but I guess he had his reasons,” he told her, unconsciously referring to himself as another person, as if it was easier for him to think that way and distance himself from the vampire he didn’t remember.

She was still sniffling against his shoulder, and he slowly detached her from his embrace. Being so close to her was not helping with the thinking clearly, and he needed to be in his right mind to decide what he would do next.

William didn’t want to lose Buffy, and he had no intentions to. But what he had learned today required some reflection time. He needed to know more about his past, but it would probably be wiser to hear it from people less emotionally involved with him.

The door opened and Dawn appeared. She walked into the leaving room and considered the situation. “Hey. I guess the truth is out, then,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner,” she told William. “But it was hard on us, too.”

He smiled, his first time since the revelation. A genuine smile. “I get that. It’s a lot to take in…and I have to find a way to do just that.”

She nodded, not knowing what to say.

“You told me we used to be friends,” he continued. “How could a teenager be friends with a vampire?”

Dawn smiled, remembering some nice memories from a rather miserable period.
“You took care of me when Buffy died.”

He tensed. “When Buffy what??”

Behind him, Buffy was waving her hand in warning signals. “I didn’t tell him about that yet,” she said.

“Oh. Let’s keep it for another time, then,” Dawn said hastily. “William…you’ve never exactly been the usual vampire. You cared about people. You cared about me. You protected me. You were like my best friend. I loved you. I didn’t always treat you right, and I’m sorry, but I love you. I still do.”

Dawn went to him and hugged him, feeling much better at being able to finally tell him what had been weighing on her heart for so long. To her great pleasure, he hugged her back.

“I know what it’s like to learn that you’re not really who you think you are. Believe me, I’ve been there. It’s frightening. But we love you, and we are here for you. Give us a chance to prove it to you.”

“I will,” he promised, and so help him, he certainly didn’t want to throw away something so precious.

She smiled, went to Buffy and kissed her, hugging her briefly as well. “It’ll be ok,” she whispered.

After Dawn retreated to her room, William turned to Buffy. “That sister of yours is a very smart girl,” he said, and he seemed more relaxed than before Dawn’s arrival. He took Buffy’s hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing it.

“Buffy, I’m not really into big romantic destinies, but I’m aware we must have something very intense going on between us. Because my feelings are not new. They were not erased with the memories, they were there all the time. Despite that crazy slayer/vampire thing, despite the death…we’re still in love with each other. I love you,” he finished in a low voice that brought fresh tears to her eyes.

He was echoing her exact own thoughts, and she should have been delighted to hear him confess his love, but at the same time her guts where telling her that things wouldn’t be as simple as that. It would be too easy.

“I’d better go,” he said, and she resisted the urge to grab his arm and beg him to stay.

He took her head in his hands, pressing a very tender, promising kiss on her lips. “I need to think about all this,” he whispered, holding her a few more second, inhaling her scent.

“I understand,” she said in a teary voice.

“I love you,” he told her again, emphasizing the words. He had the impression she was the one who didn’t believe it this time, or at least didn’t believe he would come back.

“I love you too. Please…” she hesitated, “Please don’t stay away too long.”

He didn’t answer but kissed her one last time before leaving.

Buffy stayed in the silent living room for a while before taking another Kleenex and blowing her nose. She had known this would happen, but it didn’t lessen the pain. And shouldn’t she be used to it now?

Dawn came out of her room. “Did he leave?” she asked.

Buffy shrugged. “Yes. Don’t they always?” She was the image of self-pity.

“Oh come on, Buffy. It’s Spike. He *never* leaves. Not even when he dies, apparently.”

“But this is different.”

Dawn rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, there’s the whole vampire thing he needs to digest, and in this case I guess Pepto-Bismol won’t do the trick.”

Despite her sadness, Buffy laughed. “He might need something stronger.”

“He loves you. That hasn’t changed. In the end, it’s all that matters, and he knows it.”

Buffy nodded, feeling slightly cheered up by her sister. She took her in her arms, sobbing softly, but Dawn guessed it was now more to alleviate the tension accumulated since William’s return. When she calmed down, the young girl patted her back. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Dawnie.”

“He’ll be back. Don’t worry. If he doesn’t, I’ll go kick his butt. After all, he’s the one who taught me all that fighting stuff. And what with him being human now, he doesn’t stand a chance!”


§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§


Giles knew that Buffy was planning to tell William the truth that evening, so he was the last person he expected to see in his office early the next morning.

“Morning Giles,” the younger man said, knocking lightly on the door. “Can I come in?”

“William! Yes, of course. Please sit down.”

Giles watched the young man attentively while he took his place in the chair. He looked tired. The night had probably not been very restful.

“Coffee?” he offered.

“I could use some, yes,” William said with a grateful smile.

Giles poured him a cup before sitting back down. “I assume Buffy told you everything.” William nodded, sipping his coffee. “How do you feel?”

“I still don’t know. How would *you* feel?”

Giles smiled. “Good question. Taking a wild guess, it would probably scare the piss out of me,” he said, eliciting a short laugh from William at his sudden bad language. “But the Watcher in me would find it fascinating, no doubt. And I would want to know everything, obviously, even if it means hearing abhorring things about me.”

“That’s exactly why I’m here. I know I’m not going to like it, but I need to know. Some sort of morbid curiosity, if you will.”

Giles nodded. “Morbid being the fitted word in that case. What did Buffy tell you?”

“Not much in fact. I was a vampire, I got a soul, which seems to be a pretty big deal to them – Angel was there too. And I died saving the world. Not exactly your usual dinner conversation. I didn’t take it too well at first, obviously. I left, came back, told Buffy I loved her and needed to sort things out. Then I left again. Quite an agitated evening for the quiet librarian that I am,” he said with a derisive laugh.

“Yes, people think the life of a librarian is boring. They could really be surprised, sometimes,” Giles chuckled with a conniving smile. “If you have questions, ask me. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Then again, we didn’t appreciate each other very much back then, so I never got to know you like Buffy and Dawn did. And even if I did indeed notice the extraordinary change in you, I was blinded by the fact that you were a vampire and I couldn’t accept Buffy’s trust and emotional involvement with you. It was only after your sacrifice, when she talked to me, and that I really listened. But it was too late. I’m sorry I didn’t give you more credit…oh, and also for trying to have you killed.”

William waved his hand dismissively. “No worries. I probably would have killed you too, given the opportunity, right? So I guess we’re even.”

Giles nodded and cleared his throat. “Right. So, after those enlightening and rather surreal apologies…how can I be of any help?”

William gathered his thoughts for a second before answering, “I want to now about the vampire mythology. I knew they existed, my friend and I were attacked last year. I did some research back then but couldn’t find anything useful or that looked credible enough. So seeing as you are the headmaster of a slayer school, and a former librarian as Buffy told me once, I guessed you could probably provide me with useful information.”

Giles smiled. “All right…where do you want to start?”


§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Sitting on a bench, William was looking at the Golden Gate Bridge without really seeing it. He had come everyday to that park since his arrival in San Francisco one week ago.

He hadn’t told Jim and Anna about his real past, and he would never do it. They loved him, but they didn’t know anything about vampires and the likes and he didn’t want to freak them out.

In his hand he was holding one of the books Giles had given him about vampire mythology. In this one there was an entire chapter about the Order of Aurelius, the line Giles had told him he belonged to. A big part of his ‘family’ history was transcribed in it. All the disturbing details about the Master, Angelus, Darla, Drusilla and himself, William the Bloody. Despite himself, the nickname made him smile each time he thought about it. There wasn’t any mention about how he had earned it, and he deeply hoped it didn’t involve a blood bath. Maybe later he could ask Buffy if she knew.

William had been very shocked and upset when he had learned the truth. He had decided to take a few days off and had come to San Francisco where Anna’s sister lived. He had spent most of his days so far wandering in the city, reading the books and thinking.

Once the shock of the revelation had subsided and he had had some time to process the idea, he had realized that he wasn’t as disturbed by it as he probably should have been. Strangely, while he expected the dreams and flashbacks to come back full force now that he knew the truth, they had been non-existent. When he thought about the evil deeds of Spike, it felt more like reading about some sort of ancestor, even if some of those deeds were only a few years old. When William Atherton thought about himself, he saw the librarian, with a good family, nice friends and a new gorgeous girlfriend.

Yes, not so long ago he was apparently cheerfully killing people, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty about it. And even if he had wanted to torture himself about it, how could he? He didn’t remember anything.

Giles’ theory seemed to be the good one.

The thing he did feel guilty about, though, was not having called Buffy yet. But he needed some time away. If he called her and heard her voice, he would jump on his bike and drive all the way back to Los Angeles to take her in his arms and make love to her like he was dreaming of.

He missed her awfully.

It was funny, although in a weird way, that he didn’t remember anything about being a vampire and raising havoc in several places in the world, but somehow his feelings for Buffy had resist the memory swipe and were still anchored in his heart. Whatever those supposedly Powers had do to him, they hadn’t be able to make his heart forget about her.

So of course now he could make the decision to torture himself for years about having killed people and being an evil demon for a century.

He could also put that past behind him and embrace a bright future with an amazing woman who was eagerly waiting for him to come back. A woman that even death – hers and his – couldn’t separate along all these years. A woman with whom he shared a love more powerful than anything on this earth. A love most definitely worth fighting for.

The decision was not a very hard one to make.

CHAPTER 11


In hope of cheering up her sister a bit, Dawn had invited Buffy to a dinner and a movie with her and Connor. She just warned Connor that they should keep the smoochies and handholding to a strict minimum.

They had become a couple of weeks ago, when Dawn had finally gotten tired of waiting for him to make the move and had literally jumped his bones. Not that he had complained.

But Dawn didn’t want to impose her newfound happiness on Buffy so blatantly. The former Chosen One, Slayer of the Vampyres – to quote Andrew – was a pity to see. She only came to life when the phone rang, and was drained of it as soon as she heard that the person calling was not the one she expected.

“She really has I bad,” Connor commented after one of their evening out. “Is that guy really worth it?”

Dawn smiled. “Well, William’s really special. Oh, and he’s related to Angel.”

Connor nodded. “Isn’t that your friend you thought was dead but then wasn’t? I remember Angel telling me about it. It was weird because he seemed both happy and upset that William was back.”

“They both have some sort of history. Plus, big rivalry because of Buffy. They were both in love with her, first Angel, then Sp…William. After William’s death, we came here and I suspect that Angel hoped for a while that Buffy and he would have another go at it. But she made it clear she had moved on.”

“Poor Angel. That would explain that broody look he has sometimes.”

Dawn smiled. “Only sometimes?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Well yeah. He had it once when he talked to me about that girl he loved and who died. Cordelia. And then once when I mentioned past Christmases with my family. I guess that’s because he doesn’t have much of a family himself. But most of the time, he’s rather cheerful. We always laugh at stupid stuff, you know, guy stuff. We goof around.”

“That doesn’t sound like the Angel I know, but if you say so…I’m glad you guys are getting along so well.”

“I never thought we would become such good friends so quickly,” Connor said with thoughtful smile. “But there was that connection from the start…and we don’t have such a big age difference.”

“Right,” Dawn said, thinking that Angel should sooner or later have to come clean about the whole vampire thing. She was pretty sure Connor didn’t have a clue about the demon world, but if the young man was going to be an important part of her life – and she counted on it – and Angel’s, he would have to know. Connor was a pretty open-minded guy, but she wasn’t sure about his reaction. But as with Buffy, she didn’t want to go on much longer without telling him the truth.

She knew far too well what damages lies and miscommunication could cause.


§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§


The big flat TV screen of his office was on, but Angel wasn’t paying attention to it.

Dawn had called him earlier today, and their conversation had been the exact same one he had had with Buffy a few days ago when she had decided to tell William the truth.

For the second time in ten days, Angel had the heavy task of telling someone about the never-ending evil that crawled beneath and above the surface of the planet. And if it hadn’t been a walk in the park with William, what would it be like with Connor?

But Dawn was right, it was time to tell him the truth.

Angel was proud to see how smart and open-minded Connor had become. He was hoping their new friendship and Connor’s trust in him would be sufficient enough for the young man to handle what he was about to learn.

Connor’s trust. Those were words Angel had never thought would be directed at him. And so help him, he would do anything in his power to keep it that way. Of course he didn’t intend to tell him that he was his father. He hadn’t giving up on him two years ago to give him a better life just to destroy everything now. It was already a miracle that Connor was back in his life, and that he had the chance to be a part of it. But because of it, he couldn’t hide what he was any longer.

A knock on the door distracted him from his thoughts. Waiting at the threshold was his former grand-childe.

“William!” Angel said, rising from his chair. “Please come in. Have a seat.”

William walked in and glanced at the TV screen. “Smile Time?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Angel smiled. “Long story,” he said, turning the TV off. He watched the young man sit in front of his desk, slightly surprised. First, he hadn’t really expected to see him arrive without warning. He knew through Buffy that William had left town a few days and hadn’t given any news. Also, he had thought he would look more miserable, or upset. Tormented. But William looked well rested, with a quiet and determined look on his face.

Apparently, the latest trend was to *not * brood about your evil vampire past. Angel briefly wondered why he didn’t get the memo.

“Have you seen Buffy?” he asked.

William shook his head. “No. I just arrived from San Francisco. You’re the first person I came to see.”

“Oh. Well, you did, uh…well. How can I help you?”

Angel wasn’t sure how to react in front of William. Connor hadn’t changed much, if only in a positive way because he didn’t have that anger and need for revenge anymore. So Angel’s relationship with him now was pretty much what the vampire had hoped to share with him a few years ago.

But the man sitting in front of him now had not much to do with the former self-proclaimed ‘Big Bad’ that was once Spike. So Angel felt kind of uncomfortable, and at the same time the strong urge to help and protect him.

“I would like that you tell me everything about my past. When I was turned, how, and what happened during the whole time we were together…mostly what happened during our pre-soul days.”

Angel shifted in his seat. “Alright…you should know first that even if getting your soul didn’t change your behaviour much, it’s a whole different story with me. Without my soul I’m not a very nice guy.”
William smirked. “I read all about Angelus in the Watchers’ journal that Rupert Giles gave me. So you can cut the ‘not very nice’ crap and go directly to the ‘obscenely vicious’ parts, mate.”

Aha, Angel thought, here comes Spike. Much easier to deal with.

The vampire smiled and told him the great lines of their history, from William’s siring in 1880 to Spike’s selfless sacrifice in 2003. William often asked questions, some that Angel couldn’t answer when they were referring to the period between 1900 and 1998. They had met briefly during the war in 1943, but aside from that Angel had ignored most of Spike and Dru’s peregrinations until he turned into Angelus and joined them during that fateful period in Sunnydale.

“I’m sure Giles must have more information about that period, but a lot of the books and journals were destroyed in the Council’s explosion a few years ago.”

William stretched in his chair, feeling a little sore. They had been talking for a good three hours. “I’ll see with him, but at least now I know the essential.”

“You can also ask Buffy. She’ll be able to fill the blanks about that thing with the Initiative, and the years that followed. From what she told me, you were, uh…rather close the last two years. I supposed you guys talked…about stuff.”

William smiled sadly. “From what she told *me *, we were never close and talking was not our number one priority. Fighting and shagging seemed to be our favourite activities.”

Angel nodded, feeling that old familiar feeling of jealousy tugging at his heart each time he thought about Buffy with someone else. Then again it was more of an instinctive reaction and didn’t really hurt anymore. She had made her choice and he respected it.

“Besides,” William went on, “ I saw how painful it was for her to talk about it. I don’t want to raise painful subjects more than necessary. Better concentrate on the future.”

“Maybe, but to build that future, you should be at peace with your past and the baggage existing between Buffy and you. So I guess you should talk with her about it.”

William thought about it for a minute before saying, “Yeah, you have a point.”
Angel smiled. “I always have, but you never listened. It would have saved you from a lot of trouble back in the days.”

William chuckled. “But it would have taken out half of the fun, apparently.”

Angel shook his head. “How do you do it? I never thought I would say this, but I almost envy you. No, let’s be honest, I truly envy you. How can you stay so calm about all this?”

“I wasn’t calm a week ago,” William grinned. “I was even so agitated, I couldn’t sleep for two days. But I can’t torment myself about something I don’t remember. And I don’t want to. I’m not meant to remember, fine with me. I got a second chance, I think it’s more important to try to make the best of it, right?”

“You’re right. I realized this very recently,” Angel said with a thoughtful smile.

William got up. “I guess it’s time I go see Buffy. Did you…did you see her during the past week?”

“I talked to her on the phone. She wasn’t in the best of shape.”

William sighed. “I wanted so badly to call and reassure her, but if I had heard her voice…I really needed to be alone for some time.”

“That’s understandable, and I think she knows that. Don’t worry.”

“Any more advice from the older and wiser?” William enquired with a smile.

“Just be happy. That’s all I ever wanted Buffy to be. I didn’t always make the right choices, and…well, the situation is what it is. If she can find happiness with you, then…I’m good with it. Don’t hurt her. And tell her that warning applies to her too.”

“Thanks, mate. I appreciate it.”

Angel walked him to the door. “I’m going out for drinks next Friday with Connor, Dawn’s boyfriend. Do you want to join us?” he asked.

“Why not? Nice occasion to get to know each other better…well, on my part at least.” William answered with a chuckle.
“No more memories?”

“Not lately…not even dreams. Sometimes, when I meet someone new, something about that person strikes me. A picture, a name…oh, you know what comes to mind when I look at you? Barry Manilow.”

Angel laughed. “Really? Funny. I wonder where that comes from.”

“Thanks again, Angel. I’ll see you next Friday, then.”

He left, and Angel closed the door behind him, sighing. “Of all the things about me…he remembers *that * one.”


§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the story ;o)

CHAPTER 12


Connor was coming out of his last class of the day when he noticed Angel in the hall. “Hey! It’s nice to see you.”

“I called Dawn and she told me you were finishing late. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Sounds serious,” Connor said with an uncertain smile.

“Have you eaten? There’s a nice restaurant not far from here.”

“I intended to have a sandwich in my dorm room, so a restaurant sounds perfect.”

They walked out of the building and to a black Viper. Connor whistled in appreciation. “Nice,” he commented.

“Yeah, I’ve got a whole collection,” Angel said in a tone that showed he couldn’t care less. “It came with the whole Wolfram & Hart package.”

Connor didn’t answer, a little taken aback by his unusual blank tone.

The restaurant was very close and the ride only lasted a few minutes. When they walked in, Angel asked for a quiet table. They sat down, ordered drinks and made some small talk while choosing the main course. Once that was ordered, Angel remained silent for a moment.

“You’re making me nervous,” Connor said, smiling.

Angel smiled back. “I’m sorry. What I have to tell you…it’s not easy.”

“Angel, we’re friends right? Whatever the problem, you can share.”

“Yes…we’re friends.”

Angel played with his fork, trying to find the best way to tell him. He decided to start like he had done with William. “Connor…what do you know about vampires?”

The young man shrugged. “Not much. I saw the movie, the one with Gary Oldman. And I think I read the book a few years ago. And, well, I heard some stuff…people disappearing from campus. People talk, you know, the usual ‘I know someone who…’ like in the urban legends.”

Angel nodded slowly. “Vampires are not urban legends. They are real.”

Connor took a few seconds to register the information. “Can you say that again?” he asked incredulously.

“Vampires. They do exist. They are real.”

Connor looked fixedly at him for a moment without saying anything. The waiter brought their meal but neither of them touched it.

“How…are you serious?”

Angel nodded. “Yes. I know this must be quite a shock…”

“Well, to be honest, it explains a lot of things, so shock is not exactly the right word…but still not the kind of news you hear everyday.”

Angel cleared his throat. “I’m glad you’re taking it so well, because there’s something else…I’m one of them. A vampire. I’m a vampire.”

Connor started to laugh before stopping abruptly. “You’re not kidding,” he said.

“No. Why would I be kidding about this? But I want you to know the truth.”

“But…aren’t you supposed to be evil, then?”

Angel shook his head. “I have a soul. I got cursed…it’s a long story. So no, I’m not evil. Most of the time. And I try to fight it the best I can. That’s what we do everyday with Wes, Fred and Gunn. And that’s how I became CEO of Wolfram & Hart.”

Connor suddenly noticed the meal in front of him and started to eat. “That’s…ok, I didn’t expect that.”

“You’re freaked out,” Angel said, feeling a pit in his stomach.

The young man thought for a minute before saying, “Not really. Of course it’s kind of a…uh…surprising revelation, but…you’re on the good side. If you tell me so, then I trust you. And I think it’s pretty cool, actually.”

“You do?” Angel asked, amazed. He had never imagined that this would be so easy. A smile crept on his lips. “You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say this,” he added, emotion thickening his voice. “You’re an amazing guy.”

“I am, huh?” Connor joked. “Don’t forget to mention it to Dawn. Oh, She knows about you, right?”

“Yes. She’s the one who convinced me to tell you as soon as possible. She didn’t like to lie to you about it but it wasn’t her confession to make.”

“I get that. But I might give her a hard time for not telling me about the vampires. Just to tease her a bit. She’s not fighting evil, is she?”

Angel smiled. “In a way, yes. She wants to become a Watcher. Buffy, her sister, is the Slayer.”

At Connor’s puzzled look, he proceeded to explain about the Watcher’s Council and the Chosen One. Connor was all ears. “That’s fascinating,” he finally said. “Not a lot of people are aware of all this, right?”

“I guess some of them are but prefer to ignore it. It’s a little scary to imagine.”

“I can’t believe Buffy is the Slayer. She’s so tiny, and looks so fragile. Ok, I guess that’s because lately she felt all depressed about William.”

Angel smiled, albeit sadly. “Things should get better. I saw him this afternoon. They are probably together right now.”

He finally started to eat his dinner, not having that big weight on his shoulders anymore. Connor’s good reaction had filled him with joy.

After dinner, Angel drove Connor back to his frat house. Connor turned to him. “Listen, I know it’s probably terribly dangerous, and I have no experience in this whatsoever, but…I want to help you fight evil.” He laughed. “That wasn’t supposed to sound so melodramatic.”

“Yes, it’s dangerous. But if you really want to…I could definitely use someone smart and with your fighting skills. I’m sure Dawn would love to have you in as well.”

A wide smile spread the younger man’s lips. “Well, count me in, then.”

He raised his hand, but this time Angel pulled him in a fierce hug, and Connor hugged him back.

“I’ll see you soon, then,” Angel told him.

“Oh, probably tomorrow. If I want to fight properly, I’ll need some sword practice.”

“That’s not a reason to neglect your studies. They are important too. I’ll need bright lawyers by my side.”

“Don’t worry. And thanks.”

“For what?”

Connor shrugged. “I don’t know. For just being you. I had nothing to complain about, but my life is better since Dawn and you are in it.”

“Same here,” Angel replied, his throat constricted. “See you tomorrow, then.”

With a smile, Connor retreated into the house and closed the door behind him.

Angel sat back in the car, started the engine and smiled to himself. A big, blissful grin.

What was once lost had been found.


§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

“Do you think I lost him?”

“Pfft. No you didn’t,” Dawn said, not even raising her eyes from her magazine.

Buffy smiled. “You seem pretty sure about it.”

“Oh, I am. I’m pretty sure that sooner or later he’s going to be ringing at that…”

The doorbell rang right at that moment and Dawn jumped to her feet, grinning at Buffy’s sudden paleness. “See?”

She went to the door, hoping it was William because she was fed up with Buffy’s gloomy mood.

The door indeed revealed William, looking slightly nervous.

“Hey, just the guy I was hoping to see. Please tell me you’re not here to break up with her.”

“I’m not here to break up with her,” he said, amused.

“Wonderful. I’ll leave you two alone, then.” She hugged him briefly. “Good decision,” she whispered, kissing him on the cheek. “Bye Buffy!” she yelled before leaving.

Slowly, William walked to the living room where Buffy was now standing, looking frozen. He had thought about a hundred ways to start his speech, but when he looked at her he just forgot everything and smiled. That was all the encouragement she needed.

She ran to him and threw herself in his arms, which closed around her tightly. They didn’t say anything for a moment, just enjoying each other’s presence and contact. Buffy was the first to talk. “I love you,” she said fervently.

“I love you too. I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner.”

She shook her head. “No, I understand. As long as you’re back, it’s ok.”

William pressed his mouth against hers, revelling in the softness of it, and the passion with which she kissed him back. When they stopped to breath, he buried his face against her hair, trembling slightly, his arms shaking as he clutched her tight. “I missed you so much.”

“Oh God, me too. Please tell me you’re staying. That you won’t leave, ever,” she said, not ashamed this time of her deep pleading tone.

“I won’t, sweetheart, never. I promise. I want to trust my instincts. They’re telling me you’re my girl, and I’d be a fool to let you go. The Hell if I don’t remember. I want to look in front of me, not behind. That’s what matters. You and me.”

They kissed again. This was as it should be. This was right.

He lifted her in his arms, whispering tender promises while walking towards her bedroom. He might not remember who he was, but he had a total certainty about whom he loved and who loved him.

And that’s all he needed to know.


THE END