“But for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sun rise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
At any given time or place
It's the little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine, all mine
And it's the flying without wings
'Cause you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings
You're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy it brings
I'm flying without wings”


‘Flying Without Wings’ by ‘Ruben Studdard’

“Last night was... God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this.”
”Spike...”

”It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but—“

”I just told you it did.”

(sighs) "Yeah...I hear you say it, but... I've lived for soddin' ever, Buffy. I've done everything. Done things with you I can't spell, but... I've never... been close... to anyone. Least of all, you. 'Til last night. All I did was... (smiles) hold you, watch you sleep. And it was the best night of my life. So, yeah... I'm... terrified.”

“You don't have to be.”

”Were you there with me?”

“(looks straight at him) I was.”

“What does this mean?”

“I’m not sure,” said Buffy quietly. “I’m not sure if it has to mean anything. But… I know that I want it to mean something.” She said, looking up into his eyes.

“You do?” asked Spike cautiously.

“Spike, I told you, I’m sick of playing games. I could die tomorrow, and this isn’t just about me being The Slayer, or about The First, because I told you, with this baby,” she said, referring to the mystical scythe in her hand, “we just might be able to win now. I’m talking about life. I could be in a car crash, or… or… a terrorist could bomb Sunnydale, or maybe a vamp or a demon might get lucky while I’m out patrolling,” she made up wildly. “And I don’t wanna let something as stupid as that make me have regrets. Look Spike, we’ve never been good with the whole ‘talking’ business. It isn’t our style...”

“Damn right it isn’t,” he mumbled.

“But that’s the only thing keeping us from…” she stopped, unable to go on.

“Keeping us from what Buffy?” He said gently

“Keeping us apart...” Buffy said so softly he nearly missed it. And he nearly had to do a double take.

“Buffy, luv, jus’ tell me what you wan’, an’ it’s yours,” he said almost desperately. “You know that right? I’m your willin’ slave pet, always have been,” he said giving her a sly smile, but suddenly turning serious again. “You know, this talkin’ thing isn’t too bad, but… you know how I feel, luv. It’s not my turn to confess,” he said gently.

“I know,” she admitted quietly, unable to meet his eyes. “But you should know better than anyone that I’ve never been good with all this talky stuff. Analyzing my emotions isn’t exactly my strong suit.” She smiled grimly. “Gimme a demon to fight any day, but ask me to tell you how I feel, and it’s like another apocalypse is on its way.” She sighed, trying to gather all her thoughts so she could use them to form a coherent sentence. “Spike, when it comes to you, I don’t know what to say. I know that I feel something for you. I care about you a lot, I care what happens to you, what you think, your opinion, everything you do is important to me. But… I just don’t know if it’s enough…”

Spike sucked in an unneeded breath and waited for her to continue.

“I know that I could fall for you,” she said, looking up into his clear blue eyes. “Fall for you harder than I’ve ever fallen for anyone… ever…” She broke away from his gaze, unable to look at him anymore. “I just don’t know when. I don’t know when I’ll be able to let myself lose control like that. And I don’t know if what I feel now is enough, ‘cause when I look into your eyes and I see how much love is there, it tears me apart not knowing if I’ll ever be able to return it the way you deserve.” She said, her voice choking. She took a step away from him, placing the scythe on the table, turning her back to him so he wouldn’t see the tears glistening in her eyes.


“Buffy,” Spike said, his voice so desperate yet full of hope at the same time. “Buffy,” he said, moving closer to her. “Buffy, luv” he said, his hands gently touching her arms trying to spin her around to face him. “Talk to me pet, why? What’s stoppin’ you from losin’ control? If you’re worried ‘bout what the watcher or that bloody whelp might think or do,” he said raising his voice slightly. “Then, they just better bloody look out, I’ll give ‘em a stern talking to. Show ‘em who the big bad is, tell ‘em the slayer can do whatever the bloody hell she wa-"

“I’m scared,” she interrupted quietly, looking down.

“Scared, pet? What could possibly have you scared?”

“Everything,” she replied in a quiet voice. “It feels like every time I get too happy, the Powers That Be have to interfere in some way, bring me back down to reality in a way that just…oh Spike,” she said, the tears beginning to come. “It hurts so much. And I can’t take it anymore! What if we’re together, and then something terrible happens and… and…” The tears started flowing down her face. Spike quickly brought her in close to him, wrapping his arms around her, and wiping away the tears with his thumb. “Spike,” she said looking up through tear-stained eyes. “I don’t think I could lose you.”

“Shh…” Spike said rubbing her back soothingly, “don’ worry darlin, I’m right here, and I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he said, trying to reassure her. It seemed to work, because she stopped sniffling.

“Buffy, luv, I can’ promise you that everythin’s gonna be alright, ‘cause, I don’ know that. I haven’t seen the future,” he said in a quiet voice. “But I can tell you tha’ I have thought about my future, and… well, I can’ imagine it without you by my side. You’re the one, Buffy. You’re the one for me.” He looked into her eyes with such fierce determination. “An’ ‘powers that be’ my bloody arse, I’m not lettin’ ‘em get within an inch of you! Buffy,” he continued, his voice much gentler now. “If you want to be, you can be mine, an’ I’ll do everything in my power, everythin’ I possibly can to make you the happiest girl in the world. An’ I swear, even if it’s the las’ thing I do, I swear to you, I won’ let anyone take away our happiness.”

A moment passed.

“Why?” Buffy asked quietly looking down, tears brimming in her eyes.

“Why what luv?” Spike asked, not understanding her. “Why won’ I let ‘em take our happiness? Easy pet, I love you too god damn much to ever let that happen. Always have, always will.”

Buffy let out another sob.

Spike didn’t understand, his reassuring words were supposed to… well, reassure her, not make her cry harder.

“Buffy, why what?” He asked gently.

“You’ve always… but how when you didn’t… and they did… but they still couldn’t…they still…” Buffy stammered hopelessly. “Maybe it’s-"

“Hey, hey hey,” Spike said, suddenly catching on to where this was leading. He brought her in close, letting her rest her head on his chest. “They left because they weren’t good enough for you, pet. You didn’t do anythin’ wrong, and they’re a bunch o’ wankers for makin’ you feel that way,” he said, coaxing a small smile out of her. “Look pet, I know life hasn’t been too easy on you, you’ve been through a lot more than you should’ve by now, a lot more than anyone should’ve in a whole lifetime.” He paused, looking into her eyes. “But once you’ve lived for over a hundred or so years you begin to realize a few things, an’ one of ‘em is that life doesn’t do somethin’ for nothin’. Just doesn’ work that way, pet. An’ if you’ve experienced somethin’ bad, the only reason for it is for you to grow and learn from it,” he said, getting that look in his eyes, determined to convince her.

“Those wankers didn’t appreciate you, the bloody idiots didn’t even know what they had. But you gotta see, luv,” he said gently. “I’m not anythin’ like them. I dunno how they managed to miss it. All they had to do was jus’ look at you, anyone can see what an amazing, beautiful woman you are. But they were fools, so caught up in their own little dramas to notice you.” He paused to take another unnecessary breath. “But I’m not like that, pet. I don’ have any dramas, an’ all I can see is you.” He paused again to gently wipe a tear that had fallen onto her cheek. “I’m not gonna leave you Buffy,” he said softly. “If you jus’ gimme the chance to prove it to you, I can make you so happy.” He lifted her chin up gently to look at him. “I couldn’t leave you pet, wouldn’ know how to, even if I tried,” he said, a smile slowly forming on his lips. “I love you, Buffy, so much. An’ it doesn’ matter to me if you don’ love me just yet. Just the promise that one day you would be able to is more than enough for me.”

Buffy smiled up at him, amazed at all the insights into her he had. It always intrigued her how he could tell exactly what she was thinking, without the need for her to actually say it. He’d listened to her ramble on, and deciphered every thought that was going on in her head.

Could she do it? Could she let herself be unconditionally with Spike, no holding back? She knew she wanted to, she was definitely attracted to him as she found out almost 2 years ago, inwardly grinning cheekily at that. But could she let herself get so emotionally involved that she depended on him for everything, and couldn’t live without him? She knew she couldn’t be with him if she wasn’t prepared to completely love him. He didn’t deserve that. But she knew that if she did give herself to him fully, and then she lost him, she wouldn’t be able to take it. She’d ultimately be broken. Destroyed. Unable to live. Not again. She knew she couldn’t take the heartache again. But… Spike was so reassuring. His words to her had been so heartfelt, how could he not mean them? ‘But what if it’s beyond his control?’ Her head argued with her. ‘Vampires might be strong, but they aren’t invincible you know. What if something happens to him that could happen to any normal person.’ Since when has anything in mine or Spike’s lives ever been natural or normal? Buffy argued back with herself.

“Buffy,” although Spike seemed oblivious to her inner battle with her thoughts, he did seem to sense exactly what her fears were. “I know you don’ like other people tellin’ you what to do an’ all, but… you can’ live your life based on ‘what ifs’.”

“Spike, I…I’m trying not to…” She faltered. “But… it’s just so hard…” She said, blinking back more tears. “I…I want to love you, I do,” she said, looking up into his crystal clear blue eyes. “I wanna feel the love and the happiness that I can see in you. I wanna bask in its warmth all day long and just be happy Buffy, with not a care in the world,” she said smiling wistfully.

“And you can be, pet” Spike said, encouragingly.

“But I don’t know if my heart can risk taking that first jump again,” she whispered. “Knowing that any second I could stop. Crash in mid air and end up plummeting through the endless void that lies below. There’s only so many times a person can take that...” she finished softly.

“Buffy, luv, I promise you, there will be no plummeting,” he said gently.

Buffy couldn’t help but smile at that.

“But,” he said quietly. “A love that risks nothin’, is worth nothin’. And I can make you all the promises in the world… but they won’ mean a thing if you don’ take the risk to believe in me.” He looked into her beautiful green eyes, and gave her a hopeful smile, silently begging her to take this chance with him.

And it was in that moment when their eyes met that Buffy finally realized what she had to do. “A love that risks nothing, is worth nothing.” His words came back to her, filling her with hope. She knew she had to take this risk. She knew the one thing her heart feared more than being broken, was being alone. So the choice was simple. She brought her lips up to meet his own, in a tender, loving and passionate kiss. A kiss so unlike any of the others that they had shared in the past.

After what felt like an entire lifetime to Spike, he pulled back, allowing Buffy to breathe.

“Spike,” Buffy said in a voice both timid, yet resolved. ”There’s so many things I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, and I don’t know how long I’ve got left on this earth… all I know is that I don’t want to spend it anywhere away from you.” She looked up into his eyes once again, caressing his cheek. “I can’t say that I love you yet Spike, I’m sorry,” she said, tears once again threatening to overflow. “But… I’m willing to take the chance. I… I don’t wanna be alone anymore.”

Spike pulled her into another long, tender kiss, silently telling her with every caress, that she didn’t need to worry about anything now. He was there for her. And always would be.

“You don’ have to worry ‘bout jumpin, sweetheart,” Spike said softly after they had separated. “’Cause at the moment, I feel like I could fly.”

He pulled her into a tight embrace, never wanting to let her go. And as he held her he couldn’t help the large smile that crept across his face. Finally at last he could tell her everything he was feeling. He could show her how much he loved her, waiting and wishing for the day when she would make his dream come true. She’d already done so much for him, just saying that she wanted to be with him was unbelievable, and it was only 3 little words now that could make his life complete. They were such simple little words. But the idea and the meaning behind them meant so much to him.

Buffy’s heart melted when she heard him say he felt like he was flying. She knew how much it meant to him to be able to have her, not just in the physical sense, but fully, emotionally, the whole Buffy package. And she couldn’t keep her heart still at the thought that she finally had someone, a companion, a lover, and a friend who would stick with her until the end. She couldn’t say she loved him right now, she knew she wasn’t ready for that. She’d just let herself be free, unlocked the chains guarding her heart and handed it to Spike, it was such a big deal for her, and she needed time to adjust to all the different emotions running through her.

She hugged Spike to her, just as hard as he was hugging her. She heard him whisper sweet nothings into her ear, and couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

“I’m still scared Spike,” she said, pulling back a little to look into his eyes. “But, I know that I’ll be able to face anything if you’re with me.”

“Mmmmm… Pet,” he whispered into her ear. “I love you and I’ll always be with you. I’m here to give you anythin’ you need.” He paused for a moment… “An’ when I say anything…” He whispered with a sly, knowing grin, raising his eyebrows and pressing against her.

“Mmmm… Spike,” she said in a low voice thrusting her hips towards his. “As much as I’d like to continue this train of thought…” She looked sideways indicating the mass of girls not far away.

“We have work to do…” He said quickly, suddenly pulling away.

“Spike… it’s not that I don’t want to…I… I do…” She said, with a smile. “It’s just that there are a whole bunch of potentials in the living room, plus my baby sister, my friends-“
She stopped when she saw the hurt look in his eyes, instantly realizing what she said.

“Spike, I’m not trying to keep us a secret,” she said firmly, stepping closer to him, grabbing his hand. "You have to trust me when I say I don’t wanna be like that anymore, I couldn’t keep hurting you like that again. I just don’t think it would be a good idea to scar everyone for life with the naughty images they might see.” She looked into his eyes, relieved that he wasn’t mad, or worse, hurt.

“I know you’ve changed Buffy, it’s jus’… you’re not the only one who’s been scarred by previous wankers,” he admitted softly.

“Drusilla...?”

“Well, not jus’ her, but I’ll admit that bloody stung like hell when she ran away with tha’ ugly demon.”

“Spike… I’m sorry, I…I didn’t know you’d had bad experiences…what happened?”

Spike sighed. He didn’t know if he wanted to share this information about his past with her. But, this was what he’d always wanted. Someone to share his life with, so he plunged forward bravely, telling her about Cecily and the night he was turned.

Buffy’s heart went out to him as she heard the pain and sorrow in his voice. She realized Spike needed her reassurances, just as much as she needed his.

“…and I’m scared too Buffy. I know I sound like a right ponce for sayin’ this, but… I’m scared too. This is what I’ve always wanted,” he said taking both her hands into his. “An’ I’m terrified that I’m gonna wake up and this has all been some wonderful dream. I know you’ve changed Buffy, it’s jus’ when you mentioned the potentials in there, I jus’ couldn’t keep my fears from rising. Though’ maybe we’d slipped back into the old days with the secret meetings an’ all, but…I know you’ve changed, an’ I know you wouldn’ hurt me on purpose anymore, an’ I just gotta get used to tha’,” he said, giving her a small smile.

“No secrets, Spike,” she said, in a tender voice. “I promise you, I won’t be keeping this a secret.” She sealed her promise with a feather light kiss on his lips.

“Alrigh’,” he said pulling away slowly. “Let’s go be heroes so we can come back ‘ere an’ play.” he smiled suggestively, with that toothy grin, his tongue curling behind his teeth, letting his gaze roam her body for a few moments, before once again meeting her eyes.

“Mmmm… Sounds like a plan,” she said with a smile, picking up her weapon feeling stronger and much happier than she ever remembered feeling.

“Righ’. You got your grail, let’s go finish this holy mission,” he said determinedly as they strode out the back door.


TBC…

“And all my life
I’ve prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life
I’ve prayed for someone like you
And I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do love me too”

‘All my life’ by “KC & JoJo


It was only after they’d taken a few steps out the back door when Spike realized he didn’t have a weapon. ‘That’d be right. Bloody goin’ out on a secret mission and I don’ even have a weapon.’ He shook his head. ‘Hmmm… maybe this is a sign… but, if she runs into the Preacher she might need me as backup, and I’m not jus’ gonna sit at home if she needs me!’

“Bollocks,” he said slightly frustrated. “Pet, I’ve forgotten a weapon, do you mind holdin’ up a sec while I run inside an’ grab somethin’. A nice big sword should do the trick.”

He turned around to walk back through the door, when...

“Spike," Buffy said in a somewhat timid voice. She didn’t want to upset him after all and hurt his ‘big bad’ ego but…

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but… I think that maybe…” she paused, not knowing how to say it…

“I don’t know how, but I kinda feel that this…

“…is your mission?” He finished.

“Yeah…” Buffy said awkwardly.

“It’s alrigh’, Pet,” he said with a small smile. “I felt it too.” Stepping closer to her. “Kinda felt like I was steppin’ in on something’ you had to find out by yourself,” he admitted taking her hand. “Thought you jus’ mighta wanted me as backup or somethin’ in case Preacher man showed up, but it’s alrigh’ luv, I understand, got other things to do besides. Figure I might go down to the basement, get in a bit of a workout while I can,” he said smiling gently.


“Okay,” she said, relieved that he understood. “Spike…thanks for… you know, being so understanding, it’s not that I don’t want you around...” she said nervously.


“Hey,” he said, trying to calm her. “You’re The Slayer, this is your thing… so go do it. An’ I’ll be waitin’ right here for you when you get back.”


She smiled and started to walk away but didn’t get very far before she felt Spike’s arms around her. She let out a small yelp of surprise and dropped her Scythe, giggling as he turned her around in his arms so that she was facing him.


“I think you’re forgetting somethin’ luv,” he said in a teasing tone.


“Hmm… no… I think I’ve got everything,” she said innocently with wide eyes gazing up at him, the smile barely contained on her face.


“Mmmmm… not bloody likely,” he said gently, leaning down to kiss her.


As her arms wrapped around his neck she felt his tongue gently meeting and tangling with hers, and she wished she could stay here like this forever. But reality soon hit and she pulled away slowly.


“Hmmm… you’re right… I was missing something,” she said slowly.


She placed another light kiss to his lips, lingering for a moment before pulling back to hug him.

“I love you, Buffy,” Spike whispered. “Be careful.”

“I know… and I will.” She stayed in his arms for a moment longer, before picking up her Scythe and heading out.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


And with a final swing of her Scythe she sliced Caleb in half.

“Well...at least you could tell me you're glad to see me?” Said Angel with a big grin, holding his arms up.

She didn’t see, hear, or sense him appear from the shadows, but then again she never had. She dropped the Scythe and accepted his embrace warmly, pressing herself close enough to show him that she still cared for him, but only giving off friendly vibes.

After a few moments they pulled apart and she saw the crease in his oh-so-large-and-prominent brow.

“Angel, what’s wrong?” She asked.

“Ohh… I… I just thought you know, we haven’t seen each other in…oh I don’t know how long, I just thought you’d be showing me a little more affection, a little hello kiss or something wouldn’t hurt” He said with a frown, getting that familiar, depressed, self pitying look across his face.

"Angel, I’m sorry. But, I’m just not the same girl all those years ago that you loved. I’ve changed so much. I’m different now. I’ve grown up.” She said, putting so much emotion into those words. “And you’re right Angel, a ‘little hello kiss’ probably wouldn’t hurt you. But I can’t imagine the effect it would have on someone else,” she said quietly.

“Oh right, of course,” he said, realization dawning in his eyes. “You’re obviously seeing someone, I mean, you’re an attractive woman, young and single, well, apparently not so single… and why do you smell like Spike?" He said, suddenly catching his strong scent.

“Ohh, I uhh…” She felt herself blushing, but felt relieved when she realized that her cheeks were already red from the fight. “He’s been staying in my basement.” Relief flooding her when Angel accepted her excuse. “And, well the seeing someone thing… yes,” she smiled awkwardly. “I mean, it’s not that simple. Our relationship is…well, it’s complicated, we were sorta seeing each other last year after I came back, but that was all with the non-healthy variety. And then just recently he did something for me that was… unbelievable,” she said unable to help a small smile that crept to her lips. “He believed in me when everyone else was ready to turn their backs on me. Heck, everyone did turn their backs on me, but he was still there-"

“What?” Angel said surprised. “Everyone turned their backs on you?”

“Yeah, but it’s alright now,” she said covering quickly. She didn’t feel like going into everything that happened the other night right then, he was either going to leave and so then it wouldn’t be a problem avoiding it, or if he stayed for a while, I’m sure Andrew would love to fill him in on everything. “Everything’s ok again, or well, as ok as can be when you’re The Slayer, living on the Hellmouth.” She said with a quirky smile. “Anyway, we’ve started to define our relationship more, and the point is, Angel, I need you to let me go. I know you have physically, but emotionally, I can still see you hanging on.”

At his hurt look she took a step closer and held his cheek with one hand. “Angel, look at me.” She said softly. “I’ll always remember you, and you’ll always have a special place in my heart, along with all my other long lost loves. But the hole that you left me with, the big gaping chasm that was my heart after you walked away from me, has been filled. I’ve moved on. It’s a natural part of living; it’s a part of life. I can’t just stop everything and pine over you for the rest of my life.” She paused for a moment before continuing, trying to be as gentle as possible. “You’ll always be a part of me, a part of my life that I look back on fondly, but it wasn’t meant to be, and I’ve let that dream, the dream of ‘us’ go.”

She looked up into his eyes, seeing the hurt and pain in there, and looked away. She hated seeing anyone in such pain, but she knew it was the right thing to do, and she had no regrets of saying everything she just did. She knew it was for the best.
Angel suddenly took a step back, letting her hand drop. She didn’t move to stop him, and it was in that moment that he realized that any fantasy about them getting back together was just that. A fantasy. Somehow he had just realized that all his brooding and waiting, waiting for the right time, the right moment when Buffy would run back to him was useless. Some things were just doomed. Some things were just never meant to be, no matter how hard he tried. And he knew that he could either accept it and move on, or keep denying it, but that wouldn’t make it come true. The best he could hope for was at least Buffy would be happy.

“Angel, I’m sorry if that was harsh, but… I just want to see you happy, well, not too happy, 'cause, we’ve all been there.” They both smiled grimly at the reminder of Angelus. “It seems like forever since last I saw a smile on your face.”

Angel smiled sheepishly.

“I’m sorry Buffy, I know that we can’t be together, and…I’m glad that you’ve found someone else.” He said quietly, unable to meet her eyes.

There was something about his voice, and the way he was standing that made her believe he wasn’t exactly being truthful, but she tried to ignore it.

“Oh good,” Buffy sighed in relief. “I was afraid that you might get all jealous and cavemany-ish on me when you found out.”

But as she said this she felt a sudden rush of panic. ‘Angel hates Spike. No matter what he says, even if he is being truthful about being happy for me, he’s gonna flip out when he finds out it’s Spike!’ But she knew she had to stop with these negative thoughts, and just concentrate on the positive. Hopefully he’d understand, and if he still cared about her, then maybe he would see how happy she was and how much she needed Spike in her life. But even as she thought this, she couldn’t keep her mind from thinking the opposite.

Angel didn’t seem to notice her inner turmoil, and she realized he was talking to her.

“…you are happy aren’t you Buffy? I… uhh… I mean, he’s a good person?”

Buffy thought about her words carefully. “He is. He’s always there for me, he’s got a bit of a “tough guy” thing going,” she said with a small smile. “But below the surface, he’s…gentle… kind… and I know he loves me.”

Buffy bent down to pick up her Scythe, while Angel nodded, staying silent.

“Umm, Angel?” Buffy said questioningly as they both started heading towards the stairs towards the exit. “It’s not that I’m not glad to see a friend, but… why are you here?”

“I brought this.” He pulled a fairly small, round looking amulet that was dangling off a long, silver chain out of his pocket and handed it to Buffy.

“It’s… different…” Buffy said meekly.

“I’m not exactly sure what it does, all I know is that it’s very powerful, and probably very dangerous. It has a purifying power, a cleansing power, possibly scrubbing bubbles. The translation is, uh—anyway, it bestows strength to the right person who wears it…”

“And… the right person would be?”

“Someone ensouled, but stronger than human. A champion.”
“Stronger than human, as in me?”

“We don’t know what the consequences might be, Buffy, I don’t want you to wear it,” he said, trying to take it back, but failing when Buffy quickly moved her hand behind her back holding the amulet tightly.

“Angel, that’s not for you to decide,” she said firmly, looking into his eyes.

“Buf-"

“No, Angel,” She said taking a step backwards. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m The Slayer. If I can find someone strong enough willing to wear it, then I’ll hand it over. But if I can’t, then it’s something I’ll have to risk.”

“I could wear it…” Angel said somewhat nervously, looking down.

“No. I need you fighting. And you won’t be at your peak if you’re concentrating on the amulet.”

“So you want me to stay?”

“We’ll need all the warriors we can get,” she smiled grimly.

“Buffy, just promise me you’ll at least try and find someone else to wear it.”

“Alright. I’ll try. I have got my cool Scythe thingy,” she said brightly, twirling it in her hands. “And it seems to work pretty well on preachers… I’ll definitely be wanting to test how it works out on The First’s army…”

“Good. Well, I better be going then. I’ll come by your place tomorrow.”

“Alright, well I’ll see you then.” She looked at him awkwardly, tucking the amulet into her pocket before turning around, preparing to walk home, but she stopped when she heard Angel’s voice.

“Do you love him?”

She sighed, but didn’t turn around. “It’s not that simple Angel. I… I know that I feel for him a lot, and he’s very special to me, and, it’s not that I don’t love him… it’s just that I don’t yet... but I know that I have the potential to fall for him,” she said quietly, turning around to face him. “The once in a lifetime kinda fallingness, I just… haven’t fell yet. You could say that I’ve stumbled, but I haven’t quite tumbled head over heels yet.” She gave him a half smile.

“Buffy, I admit it still hurts a little, but…I really do want you to be happy. It’s good to see you enjoying the nice, normal life for once.” He paused for a moment. “But, I do admit I’m curious to meet him.”

“Oh…uhh…” Buffy smiled nervously. “I’m… uhh… I’m sure you’ll meet him.”

“Good, well, I’ll go find somewhere to stay the night and I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Good night, Angel.”

“Good night, Buffy.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Buffy walked down the stairs to the basement, stopping when she saw Spike pummeling the punching bag. She gave herself a moment to watch him perform, liking the way his tight black shirt clung to his body and arms.

Spike stopped as soon as he saw her. Stepping away from the punching bag, he walked over to where she stood at the bottom of the stairs.

“Found out what tha’ mystical weapon of death’s for then?” He asked her.

“Yep, and I also found out it slices and dices Preachers pretty good,” she said with a flippant smile.

“Preacher man? He’s gone?” he stared at her in disbelief.

“Sure is,” she replied.

He pulled her into a hug. Just glad that she was in one piece.
“Buffy?” He said, slightly confused. “How come I can smell Angel breath?”

“Oh,” she said, pulling the amulet out of her pocket. “He came by just after I killed Caleb and brought me this.” She held it up for Spike to inspect.

“Pretty trinkets, huh,” he said, trying not to feel jealous. Buffy, after all was his now, and Angel couldn’t come between them no matter what. But he still felt a twinge of jealousy that the other man was there when he wasn’t.

“He said it has some great cleansing power. Meant to be worn but someone ‘ensouled, but stronger than human.’ A champion,” she said, looking up into his eyes.

He picked it up to look more closely at it. “So, if this thing’s gotta be worn by a champion, how come peaches isn’t keepin’ it for himself? I’m sure he thinks he’s the righ’ hero,” he said with a snort of disgust.

“Because we don’t know how it’s going to affect the bearer. Angel’s one of strongest people we have, I need him fighting,” she said calmly, trying not to start something between the two vampires.

“Righ’, well then I guess that leaves me,” he said simply.

“Spike,” she said softly. “Didn’t you hear me? I don’t know what it could do to you.”

“Luv, if it’s that powerful, it’s gonna need someone strong to bear it, an’ what, you plannin’ on givin’ it to Andrew?”

“No, Spike,” she said her voice growing even quieter. “I was going to wear it.”

“What?!” He exclaimed loudly. “Buffy, weren’t you listening to yourself? You don’t know what it’s gonna do. You’re The Slayer luv, they need you.”

“But I need you,” she said, her voice beginning to shake.

Here it was again. The heartbreaking choices she had to make. This was what she feared would happen, and she slightly resented Angel for having brought her the amulet in the first place, although she knew it would probably be the thing which ended up tipping the scales for them. She hated having to make these decisions. She knew realistically there were only three choices. Her friend, her lover, or herself. She knew she couldn’t condemn either one of them to the consequences the amulet might have, therefore the only logical choice was herself.

She didn’t know what would happen to the bearer, but she didn’t think it could be good. Things this powerful never ended well.

“Why me?” Buffy said breaking down in Spike’s arms yet again today. “Why is it always Buffy’s turn to make the hard decisions?” She felt Spike’s hands slowly brushing away the tears. “See, Spike. I knew something like this would happen. We didn’t even get to spend a whole day together before… maybe it’s not supposed to be…” she said her voice so quiet Spike could barely hear her.

“Oh Buffy,” Spike said, his unbeating heart breaking when he heard her sobs. “Pet,” he brought her chin up to look him in the eye. “We’re meant to be together,” he said firmly. “This is just a…a challenge along the way, to prove how much we want to be together.”

“Are you sure?” She said softly. “Cause it seems like the moment I gave into what I wanted, the exact moment I stopped keeping us apart, something else jumps in our way… This always happens to me… I feel like someone’s already got my destiny planned for me, and all it includes is me being alone…”

“Well, we’re gonna change your destiny, pet,” he said gently caressing her face with one hand. “You’re not goin’ to be alone, ‘cause I’m here, sweetheart. I’m here.” He held her close again. “The amulet’s probably nothin’ pet, it’ll probably shine a few bright lights, then all the bad guys’ll be dead, an’ you’re getting’ yourself worked up over nothin’,” he said gently.

“But Spike,” she said, her voice betraying how scared she felt.
“No buts, luv,” he said reassuringly. “It’ll all work out, you’ll see.” He looked at the amulet in his hand, how could this tiny thing come between the love he felt for her. No, he wasn’t going to let it.

“Buffy, I’ll wear it,” he said gently, his eyes meeting hers. “But I’m not gonna let it hurt me. You know I wouldn’t.” The smile broke over his face. “I’ve just gotten the girl of my dreams, I’m not letting her get away that easy!”

Buffy felt a small smile tug at the corner of her mouth.

“Promise?” She said, her voice still scared, but getting stronger.

“I promise, luv,” he said tenderly.

He led her over to his small cot.

“I’d go up to my room, but Faith’s still there.”

“’S’alrigh’ luv, I mean, probably not as comfortable as your bed, but…” He paused as he hopped onto the small cot, watching as she lay down next to him, snuggling into his chest. “As long as you’re with me… it’s perfect…” he whispered into her ear.

She felt his strong arms wrap around her, and snuggled closer. Placing a kiss on his cheek, she whispered goodnight to him and heard his soft voice whisper back…

“I love you Buffy…”

This was the last thing she heard before sleep overtook her tired body. In her final moments before sleep though, she couldn’t help but realize something that excited her. ‘I’m beginning to feel it…’ she thought with a smile.

Spike lay there watching her sleep for a few moments, perfectly content, amazed by how the simplest thing, like cuddling someone could make him feel like the happiest man in the world, before he too fell asleep.

TBC...

“A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true”


“A Dream is a wish your Heart makes” from “Cinderella”




Early the next morning, Willow and Dawn were talking animatedly in the kitchen about something or other, when the back door burst open. Angel dashed in and quickly and closed the door, blocking out the life threatening rays of sun.


“Angel! W-what a surprise,” Willow said awkwardly.


“Hi,” he said, removing the dark colored blanket he had wrapped around him.


“Long time no see,” Dawn said, with a hint of coldness to her voice.


“Uhh… did you come to see Buffy?” Willow asked hesitantly.


“Actually… I was looking for Spike. I heard he was staying here…”


“Yeah, he’s in the basement,” Dawn replied.


“Thanks.”


Angel turned around, heading towards the basement. He already knew what he was going to say. He had to convince Spike to wear it, no matter what. He knew Buffy, and he knew how stubborn she could be. He knew she wasn’t going to hand over the amulet to him, he was too important. But Spike on the other hand, now he was expendable. He was sure that if he could convince Spike to wear it, he could convince Buffy to hand it over to him. And he knew that he would be able to convince Spike, all he had to do was talk about how it would “make him a hero,” and he was sure Spike’s ego would accept. But as he started walking down the stairs his eyes fell onto something which took his breath away.


“Buffy? W-what are you doing down here… with Spike?” He stammered.


He noticed how close their bodies were, and how Spike’s arm was casually draped around her waist, pulling her even closer to him.


He thought this must have been some dream, or rather, some nightmare… ‘Spike? Why is she lying there with Spike, when she’s supposed to be happily involved with some guy?’ It didn’t make any sense to him.


They both started to wake, and not noticing Angel, Buffy rolled over into Spike’s arms.


“Hello,” she said softly, smiling.


“Good mornin’, pet,” he said gently. “It seems we have company.” Rolling his eyes, he let go of Buffy to sit up against the wall. “Mornin’ Peaches,” he said cheerily.


“Buffy… wh… what… I thought you said you were seeing a… a good guy… you were happy… why on earth are you lying in the same bed as Spike?”


“Angel, look…” She said, still sleepy, and slightly annoyed at being woken. “I didn’t want to tell you, ‘cause I knew you’d flip out. But Spike and I-“


“Buffy,” Angel cut her off. “Don’t, just don’t… I can’t listen to this.” He turned around, trying to get the sight of them out of his mind. “How could you Buffy? After all that I did for you… I gave you up, because I knew that I could never give you a normal, happy life. And you turn around and start getting it on with another vampire? A soulless vampire by the way.”


“Wow, guess you really are behind, Peaches,” Spike smirked.


“What?”


“You ain’t the only one with a soul these days.”


“You got a soul?! How?”


“I bloody well had to fight for it. None o’ that “curse” business.”


“What! Buffy, you believe him? He’s obviously lying, he can’t have a soul, he… can’t.”


“Angel, he’s changed.” Buffy said softly.


“No. That’s not possible Buffy, if you knew him like I did, that’s not possible.”


“Angel, are you even listening to yourself?” She said standing up. “It doesn’t matter what you thought you knew before, he’s changed, meaning he’s different now. He has a soul... he fought for it, you didn’t see him once he returned…” she broke off to look down at his face tenderly and caress his cheek. “He got it for me, to be a better man for me. And he is.” She said resolutely looking up to face Angel.


“Buffy, did you ever consider there’s a spell going on?”


No,” Buffy said, giggling, sitting down next to Spike on the bed. “I know what it’s like to be in love with Spike when I’m under a spell.” She looked at Spike, who grinned at her, both reminiscing about Willow’s “will be done” spell and their short-lived engagement that seemed all so long ago. “This is real,” she said softly, taking his hand.


“Buffy,” Angel said in one last attempt to convince her. “He isn’t good enough for you. He’s a worthless vampire, yes, hooray he might have a soul, big deal. That doesn’t change the fact that he’s still… beneath you.”


Buffy felt Spike tense next to her at Angel’s words.


“Angel, last night I told you that I would always remember you, and always keep a place buried in my heart just for you, but at the moment I’m beginning to rethink that,” she sighed. “Angel, you told me you wanted me to be happy, and Spike… so far, he’s made me the happiest. I told you last night, just let it go. Please, Angel, for me, if you still care about me, just let it go. Spike’s so much different now, he’s a good person, I know I can count on him to be there for me and… I need him in my life.”


“A person? Spike’s a good person? Are we talking about the same vamp here? Buffy, I thought you wanted a normal life, how are you supposed to have one of those if you’re dating a vampire?”


“Sorry mate,” Spike cut in. “But have you forgotten who you’re talking to?” He asked incredulously. “Here, let me introduce you. This is Buffy, The Vampire Slayer. She’s not gonna be havin’ anythin’ normal in this lifetime. She’s The Slayer, it’s jus’ part o’ the job description.” He sat forward on the edge of the bed. “She could never jus’ settle down with Mr Normal-Average guy, because A, the girl’s already tried that, didn’t work out too well if I remember, bloke couldn’t handle being with the slayer, ended up goin’ to get ‘is blood sucked by vamp-sluts every second night. And B, no matter how many apocalypses she faces, there’ll always be some smart-assed demon tryin’ to take over the world. She’ll always have monsters to fight, it’s jus’ a fact of life, and she needs someone who can keep her satisfied, but still have her back durin’ a fight.”


“No Spike, anyone can have a little normal life if they want to. Buffy tried dating one guy who didn’t work out. Not many people find the second guy they’ve ever dated to be their soul mate.”


“Angel, what, do you think Spike’s forced me to be in a relationship with him? What do you think he’s done, bribed me or something?”


“Wouldn’t put it past him,” Angel replied bitterly.


“Angel,” Buffy said, standing up and putting her hands on his shoulders. “This is what I want. This is the life that I want. When I was younger, I thought normal was what I wanted. I was so jealous of all the other girls, with the only thing they needed to worry about was which guy was the cutest, or how their finger nails looked. I thought that was the dream life. But, I was only 16 then, I didn’t really know what I wanted. But, now I realize that being the Slayer isn’t such a burden anymore, I’m glad that I’m the Slayer, I can’t imagine being anything else. Ok, so I could go for a few less apocalypses or too, but I love knowing that I can make a difference in the world. The Slayer isn’t just what I do, it’s who I am, and I can’t run away from that. Once before, a normal life sounded perfect! But now, it just sounds boring…what can I say, I guess I just need a little monster in my man, and I’m just mad that I didn’t let myself feel like this years ago.”


“No!” Angel said pulling away, taking a few steps up the stairs. “Buffy, It’s Spike how could you let yourself sink that low! No, I can’t be here anymore. Just find me when the fight’s gonna start and I’ll be there, but… I can’t let stand here and watch you throw your life away like that.”


“Oh, and what… you’re so much better than Spike? I bet you thought you were so much better than him when you murdered Jenny… or tortured Giles, or tried to kill all of my friends and me?”


“Buffy, I didn’t have a soul then, you can’t blame me for that!”


“Oh yes I can Angel,” Buffy almost spat out. “You know what Spike was doing when he didn’t have a soul? He was protecting my family. He was being tortured by a God, trying to keep my sister from being killed. He was fighting in an apocalypse, trying to save the world, not destroy it. You may have a soul Angel, but you didn’t fight for it, you didn’t even want it… and you sure as hell don’t deserve it.”


Angel didn’t even reply. He stormed up the stairs, and slammed the basement door.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




‘How could she choose him over me? That bleached idiot, over me… I left her because she wanted a normal life, and I could never make her ‘happy’, but I always thought that if she changed her mind, then she’d come back to me… not start something new with another vampire…’


Angel sat in silence in the crypt that he was staying in, pondering his thoughts.


‘Sure, Spike is… attractive, you know for a male, I guess, and he could be funny sometimes… but were all those things she said about Spike being there for her, and being kind and in love with her true?’ He wanted her to be happy, of course he did. But Spike was the one vampire that he couldn’t stand. And truth be told, he was jealous… he thought he was giving her the normal life she wanted, but, really… he’d only broken her heart and stepped aside for another vamp to take the place he couldn’t fill. ‘What kind of person does that to the one they love?’ The only thing he’d achieved by leaving her and Sunnydale was put her and her family in danger, and let her be killed for god’s sake… and lost her to another vampire. ‘But you didn’t let her die, Spike did! He’s the one who couldn’t protect her... but he was there, trying. Where were you? Probably in LA having a good time.’ And he couldn’t help but let his mind slip to the fact, that maybe Spike was the better man for her, although he would never admit it out loud to either of them. He had too much pride, and he was still hurt that she would choose Spike over him. And that brought him back to his dilemma. He knew there would be no one else but him, Spike and Buffy to wear the amulet, there was simply no one stronger with a soul. He didn’t know who was going to wear it, but at the moment, it wasn’t going to be him. He felt a small sense of pride that Buffy thought he was too important to wear the amulet, but knew deep down, that she really did need all the warriors she could get to be at full strength.


“Well, maybe nothing will happen with the amulet anyway. It’s only supposed to have great, mystical cleansing powers… maybe whoever wears it will end up being just… very clean?” He said outloud to no one in particular. But as soon as he said this, he could somehow just feel it that this wasn’t going to end well.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



“I knew he wouldn’t take that well.”


“Shhh… luv,” Spike said soothingly, standing up beside her and pulling her into a tight hug. “Don’t worry about wha’ the great poof thinks, he doesn’ know anythin’.”


“No, he doesn’t… Spike,” she said gently looking up into his eyes. “You’re not beneath me, if anything, you’re better than me-“


“An’ you better believe it! I could kick your butt any day Slayer,” he said with a mischievous smile.


“Oooooo… I’m soooo scared!” She teased. “Ha ha, yeah right Mr Big Bad, you couldn’t hurt me,” she said confidently.


“Bullocks! Take it back! I could too hurt you… if I wanted to that is… you’re just lucky I never really wanted to kill you…”


“So you’re saying that 5 years ago, when we were mortal enemies you didn’t want to kill me, The Slayer?” She asked disbelievingly.


“Well, duh, o’ course I didn’t want to, I told you, if I wanted to, I would’ve done it. And I mean it, you take that back. I am the Big Bad,” he said, pouting.


“Nup, no way! You are such a softie,” she said with a teasing glint in her eye.


“Hey! Am not!”


“Are too!”


“Am not!”


“Are too!”


“Oi! You’re gonna get it now young lady,” he growled playfully.


He scooped her up in his arms and threw her onto the bed. Straddling her legs his fingers found her most ticklish place on her tummy.


Buffy’s screams of laughter rang through his ears, and he decided that this was his favorite sound in the world.


“Now, who’s the Big Bad? Huh?” He continued his tickle torment. “Come on, say it, luv, say it…” he, taunted, all the while continuing his attack.


“Ahhh… no… no.. no…ahhh sto- ahhh!” Buffy tried to say between giggles. “Alright alright, I’ll say it, I’ll say it!”


He paused his assault momentarily for Buffy to speak.


“Spike,” she said panting. “Ok, I’ll admit that you are…the biggest, baddest... cutest softie in the whole world!!!” She finished quickly with a huge grin on her face.


“Oh that’s it!” He started up his tickling attack again, enjoying the sound of her laughter more than anything else. He knew he wasn’t the “big bad” anymore, but he still liked to keep up the game, and besides, he was having the best time teasing his girl. ‘Oh man, I wish this is how it will always be.’ Him, here with Buffy, teasing and playing with her like this, it was unreal. Starting out a real relationship, not just a physical one, it was the stuff his dreams were made out of, and he just wished he could stay in this moment forever. Well, actually, there were “other” moments that he would like to share with her, but he didn’t want to push her too far too soon. ‘Come on, Spike, you’ve finally convinced her to give you a chance, now get your head outta the gutter.’ It’s not as though when it happened it would be their first time together, but he still wanted it to be special, as though it was their first time, and not just a quickie on some old bed down in the basement, where one of the many guests she had in her house could come barging in at any moment. He made up his mind right then that they wouldn’t, not tonight. He wanted to make it special and he was going to do this right. He had to show her how much she meant to him. He paused for a moment, letting her catch her breath.


“So luv, you had enough yet?” He smirked cheekily.


“Ok, ok, you win,” she nearly gasped out between breaths.

“You are still “The Big Bad”, Spike.”


“I knew you had it in you, pet!” He exclaimed brightly.


Buffy smiled dryly up at him.


“Sure you did, you only had to spend 10 minutes tickling me to death to get it out of me! I could’ve held up longer you know… I just thought I’d give you some peace of mind…”


“You don’t fool me, luv,” he said softly as he leant down slowly, his lips getting ever closer to her. “I know you know I’m still bad, you know I can still torture you…”


He brought his lips to lightly rest over hers, just barely brushing over hers, in a light, delicate way that was on the verge of driving her crazy.


‘Why did I let myself miss out on all this? I never had this much fun with Riley and definitely no where near this with Angel. And we’re not even right at the good stuff yet!’ She’d forgotten how good this felt to have Spike’s hands on her, even in just a friendly, playful way, that wasn’t arousing or naughty at all. And then when his lips had teased hers, it was more than she could take.
She leant up to capture his lips between hers, her tongue gently caressing his lips, trying desperately in vain to gain entrance.


The shock of her lips on his wore off as soon as he felt her tongue, and he immediately pulled back.


“See, luv?” He said with a wicked smile. “It’s torture ain’t it?”


“You are evil,” she said seriously, though her large smile gave her away.


“Hah! Knew I could get a confession out of ya!”


“Yeah yeah, get over it…”


She leant up to kiss him again, this time he didn’t try to resist her. And as the passion grew, he could feel control slipping further and further away from him, he thought back to his resolve from earlier. ‘I’m gonna do this right’.


“Wait… hold up, luv,” he said as he pulled away slightly so he could look at her. “Got me control runnin’ away good and proper, an’ trust me pet, as much as I love that… I wanna do this properly, like every man should.”


He paused, not knowing what else to say to her, just knowing that he couldn’t let himself get too carried away down here. He looked into her eyes hoping that she understood what he meant.


“Not tryin’ to reject you or anythin’ luv,” he said earnestly, looking into her eyes. “I mean… I know it’s not gonna be our first time or anythin’, but… I still wanna think of it as though it really is. I don’t regret a single thing we ever did, Buffy, but I…I want this time to be somethin’ special.” He brought his hand up to caress her face gently. “Now that we’re startin’ over, starting something real, I want it to be so much more,” he whispered tenderly.


“There’s more?” Buffy teased gently.


“Oh, sweetheart, you haven’t seen anythin’ yet...” he said in a low, seductive voice, that soon broke into a smile. “No, seriously Buffy, there’s so much more that I have to give, that I never got the chance to show you before, and… I hope you’ll let me show you now.”


When they had been kissing, Buffy had been dying to touch him, but when he pulled away, she had felt slightly confused. ‘Spike is pulling away? What did I do wrong?’ But when she’d heard his confession about him wanting to treat her properly, her eyes started to water. She felt like she could see right through to his heart and soul. She realized that he did have so much more to give now. Not that he didn’t have it before, it’s just that she never let him give it before. She was finally ready to accept the fact that Spike loved her, and always would, and she also realized, that she wanted to give more too. She didn’t want to be just having sex with Spike, she wanted it to mean something more as well. She didn’t know exactly what her feelings were, it wasn’t quite love… yet, but she knew that her feelings had already developed into something strong. She wanted to know him, really know this new spike inside and out, he was such a fascinating person to watch, and she knew he would be an exciting person to love. ‘As soon as this bloody apocalypse is over, me and Spike are gonna spend some quality time together, and get to really know each other. Actually, he seems to know me pretty well, so I guess it’ll be me with all the learning to do.’


“Spike,” she said softly, smiling. “I want you to show me… and… I wanna show you too.” Feeling a bit nervous, she continued on. “I wanna get to know you Spike, what you were like when you were human, what you went through after you were turned. I wanna know the good and the bad sides of you, just like you know me… so that I can give you everything you deserve.” She brought her hand up to touch his cheek. “I promise as soon as we’re through with this battle, I’m gonna be there for you, getting to know you better, each and every day. Everything’s gonna be different this time.” She smiled at him, trying to convey all the deep emotions that were running through her.


“Buffy…you don’t know how much this means to me,” he said tenderly, his voice choking up. He rolled off her, and snuggled closer to her, recording every scent and sight of her to memory, so that he could re-live it over and over again in his mind as the happiest day of his life.


She cuddled up into his chest, finding that one spot that seemed like it was made just for her. She sighed contently before once again falling asleep in Spike’s arms, catching up on a few more hours of sleep before she needed to get up.

“Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I’d be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up.
But you came and changed my whole world now,
I’m somewhere I’ve never been before.
Now I see, what love means.

It’s so unbelievable,
And I don’t want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you’ve always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it’s so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I never thought I’d be.

In my heart, in my head it’s so clear now,
Hold my hand, you’ve got nothing to fear now,
I was lost and you’ve rescued me some how.
I’m alive, I’m in love you complete me,
And I’ve never been here before.
Now I see, what love means.

When I think of what I have,
And this chance I nearly lost,
I can’t help but break down, and cry.
Now I see, what love means.”


“Unbelievable” by “Craig David”


Although Buffy fell asleep in the comfort of Spike’s arms within in instant, she didn’t stay that way for long. She woke up, her thoughts clouding her mind. She was still lying close to Spike, her head resting on his shoulder, and her arm placed around his waist, while his arm was protectively settled on her waist, pulling her even closer.


She pulled up to stare at his sleeping face for a moment, taking in every detail.


‘What have I got myself into,’ she wondered as she ran her fingers down his cheek bone, tracing an imaginary line to his lips. This is what she wanted… so badly. Someone who would take care of her, but not overprotect her like a child. Someone to be there for her, whenever she needed a shoulder to cry on… and someone to love her, unconditionally whether she be human, demon, the slayer, or just a regular girl. This was what she wanted, so why did she feel so scared? She tried to pinpoint her exact reasons for her fearful thoughts, and was surprised by what came to her. She wasn’t scared of Spike, or his feelings for her, well, not anymore… she did admit that the thought of him loving her had terrified her once before… but now she found it… relaxing… good… whenever she thought of Spike loving her there was only goodness involved. It wasn’t Spike she was scared of… she was scared of herself. Not her feelings for him exactly, but her capability to love. If she couldn’t love this man in front of her, who happened to be gorgeous, who, despite being a vampire, was a good man, who had such a big heart… and who was so clearly head over heels in love with her, so extraordinarily in love…the great love… the once in a lifetime kind of love… then who could she love?


‘But then what is love… exactly?’ She tried to examine what love was, what she considered love to be.


‘Well, I guess you have to be attracted to them… you always want to be with them, and a minute apart feels like much too long… you care about what happens to them and what’s going on in their lives... you know you can count on them for… everything… ooohhh, I know, when you get that tingly feeling right down in your tummy when you see them… or think about them… when you can trust them completely…when you can’t imagine living without them in your life …when…’ she broke off… a thought just occurring to her…


As she was thinking about all the things that meant “love” to her. She couldn’t help but realize that she’d just described exactly how she was feeling towards Spike…


‘Maybe… maybe I... maybe I do love Spike…’


For one thing she was definitely attracted to him… she always liked being around him, and at the moment, she didn’t feel like spending even 30 seconds away from him… of course she cared about how he was feeling, and what was happening in his life… or unlife rather, but… although she didn’t really know that much about him, other than the obvious “Big Bad, Master Vampire, killed 2 slayers” and the rest of the stuff that everyone else knew. She didn’t know any of the personal things in his life… the things that he didn’t brag about, the things that you only share with that one special person…but she still cared about him, and she promised to fix that problem. A few weeks ago she would never have believed it possible that she could admit, even to herself that she felt butterflies when she saw Spike, but now she couldn’t deny that she had tingly feelings fluttering inside her when she woke up in his arms… and she knew she could trust him with not only her life, but the lives of her sister and her friends. Yeah, she knew Spike and her friends weren’t exactly buddies, but she knew if push came to shove, she could trust that Spike would protect her friends.


‘Wow… maybe I… I do… I never even thought about it like this… yesterday I just assumed that I didn’t, because I didn’t think I could… not so soon after letting him into my life, I didn’t think I could fall so soon… or maybe it isn’t so soon… but I didn’t even like him after I came back, I was just with him because I wanted to feel… anything… or maybe I just wanted to feel something… with Spike… and not just anyone…maybe I’ve always…’


“I love Spike,” she whispered softly in wonder.


She surprised herself with this deep revelation, and all of a sudden, she didn’t feel so scared anymore. It was like, finally realizing that she was in love with him, was the most freeing thing she ever remembered. She felt this whole weight suddenly lift off her shoulders, she felt giddy, and happy, and ecstatic, and just wanted to laugh! It felt so good. So… right.


“I love you, Spike,” she whispered delicately against his ear, knowing that somewhere in his subconscious he could hear her.
This did bring her back to the pressing matters at hand though, namely, the big battle against the first evil. She was still stumped as to how they were going to win… sure she had her Scythe, and she had this new amulet thingy, but no one really knew if it was going to be any help at all, or what it would do. Which brought her back to another worry that was racing through her mind. She looked at Spike tenderly, and pressed a light kiss to his cheek, careful not to wake him up. She gently sat up and began to pace the floor of her basement.


Although she trusted his word when he said he wouldn’t let it hurt him, she couldn’t help the doubt in her mind surface. ‘What if it happens suddenly, before any of us is aware in time to help? What if he…’ “No! No Buffy, you can’t let yourself think like that. No more scaredy-cat Buffy… I’m gonna be brave Buffy, and act like the Slayer I’m supposed to be,” she said softly with firm conviction in her voice. “I’m not gonna let anything happen to him,” she repeated firmly again. “I’m not… I can’t…”


She looked over to him, noticing how beautiful and peaceful he looked when he slept, taking an occasional breath that he did not need.


“We’re gonna get through this, we’re gonna work this out…” she whispered as she walked closer to him, kneeling down beside the bed, caressing his cheek tenderly with her hand. “I love you, and I don’t know if I can or not,” she said, wiping a tear away with one hand. “But I’m gonna try my hardest to be everything you deserve and more, when we’re through with this, because we’re going to win... we have to,” she finished softly.
She was about to place another soft kiss to his lips when she heard a voice behind her that sent a chill up her spine.


“Are you so sure about that?”


She didn’t have to turn around to know it was the voice of Caleb…but she knew he was dead, she had definitely put an end to him… so there was only one other thing it could be…


The First…

“We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive

We keep the feelings warm
Protect them from the storm
Until our time arrives

Then one day the sun appears
And we come shining through those lonely years

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

When friends are hard to find
And life seems so unkind
Sometimes you feel afraid

Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade

'Cause when I chased my fears away
That's when I knew that I could finally say”


“I made it through the rain” by “Barry Manilow



Another one gone… but still so many more to come. The number of them just seemed to keep increasing. She realized she and all the other slayers had killed so many already, but the battle was not over yet. Other she thought to herself. She never imagined that she would ever say those two words in one sentence together. But she did. She changed history for the good of the future. Well, to be accurate, Willow did the actual changing, but it was her idea…

When the First came to visit her, she knew it was just trying to scare her, throw her off, and kill any team morale she may have managed to muster, but… something it said helped do exactly the opposite. She never liked rules… never followed them much either, not in school, not with Giles, not with anyone really, so… why did she have to now? She didn’t. And also the idea came from something Spike told her…


“We’re gonna change your destiny, pet.”

The sentence kept ringing around in her head… until it finally clicked. She informed the others about her idea and a deep sense of satisfaction overtook her… she knew that they would win. But now, looking at the scene before her, with so many of the young used-to-be-potentials-now-young-slayers scattered at her feet, unmoving, it saddened her to think of them, and what this battle had cost, but she knew she had to keep going. Keep fighting. She couldn’t give up, that’s not what slayers do.

She killed another one, and spared a look around at everyone else. She could see Spike fighting a few at once, Faith was right next to her, and Angel was over in the other corner, wrestling with another one. She was in the middle of killing what felt like her thousandth uber-vamp when she heard it. The one thing she was dreading, more than anything else. She loved to hear that voice, but at the moment, with what was at stake (no pun intended) she desperately did not want to hear that heart-splitting voice, the one thing that could make her feel scared.


“Buffy!” Spike shouted anxiously.


“Spike!” She shouted back, fear gripping her heart.


Buffy quickly dealt with the uber-vamp and sprinted over to Spike. When she saw him it took her breath away. He was standing there, backed against a wall, with a big bright light engulfing him. She could see the light had already taken out all the uber-vamps on the top level where they were fighting. She heard Faith rounding everyone up, telling them to get out, but it seemed like she was three thousand miles away. She couldn’t keep her eyes off one vampire.


“Spike, you’ve done enough, take off the amulet, let’s go!” She said urgently.


Before Spike could say anything, Angel interrupted.


“Spike, this has to finish now,” Angel said fiercely, shouting to be heard over the falling debris.


“No Angel,” Buffy shouted back just as fiercely, tears in her eyes. “He’s coming with me, come on Spike we’ve got to go!” She tried to pull him away, but he wouldn’t budge.


“I know,” Angel said, looking down. “But this has to finish now… Spike, give me the amulet.” He raised his eyes to meet his with determination.


“What?” Buffy said, confused. “No, let’s all just go, we can still make it.” She pleaded desperately.


It was obvious whoever wore the amulet was not going to be walking out of the hellmouth, and even though she was still mad at Angel, she didn’t want him to die.


“Angel, you don’t have to do this,” she said, looking him in the eye.


“Yes I do, Buffy… Spike, hand it over now. Come on man, what are you waiting for?” He shouted furiously. “You’ve got the best thing in this world right in your grasp, just waiting for you, get outta here already! You’ve got so much to live for, don’t let your pride get in the way of this. She needs you…” he finished quietly.


All the while, Buffy was standing there, tears running freely and uncontrollably down her cheek. ‘Why is this happening? WHY? He promised he wouldn’t let it… but… it doesn’t look like he’s going to stop it.’ An awful, torturous pain tore at her insides and made her feel dizzy. She knew this was going to happen, she shouldn’t have let him even touch that amulet. It was about to ruin her life… just when she realized she was in love, someone was trying to take it away from her… she hadn’t even got the chance to tell him yet…she never got to say… he would never know… ‘No…Spike… I need you… please… don’t do this,’ the negative thoughts just wouldn’t leave her head. She imagined a glimpse of what her future was going to be like without him in her life, and decided that she was not going to leave him here… when she noticed the blinding light fade for a moment…


Spike could feel it… he could feel his soul burning in his chest. He looked at Angel, and knew what he was offering to do for him… for them… he remembered his promise to Buffy, “I’m not gonna let it hurt me.” But there was still something inside him that didn’t want to give up the amulet though, something about doing this made him feel good. Made him feel needed. Useful. He tried to tune back into what Angel was saying… and realized that for once, Angel was right. “She needs you…” He was needed… not here… but somewhere else… somewhere outside of this hellmouth… someone who was standing right in front of him needed him to be with her, and he couldn’t do that if he was buried under a hellmouth.


“You’re right,” he said softly. He pulled the amulet over his head, the light stopped glowing for only a moment, before it lit up again as it came into contact with Angel’s chest.


Buffy blinked through her haze of tears and noticed that the amulet was now hanging around Angel’s neck.


“Angel…” she said softly. “Why? Just, just let it go… we can all still make it out of here…”


“No… we can’t… if this isn’t cleaned up now… it won’t end…” he said in a sad, painful voice. “And… Spike’s life has so much more value in it than mine…” he added softly. “You’re right… he is the better man for you… you need him more than you need me… this is the least I can do…” he finished firmly. “Now go! Get out of here before this whole place collapses.”


Spike looked at him in wonder… finally that soul of Angel’s had paid off somehow, and all the years of torment and all the years of hatred fell away, and all he saw was the man who had just given him the most valuable thing in life. Freedom. After this he was free to live his life with Buffy, with no more apocalyptic worries… well, not for another year anyway…


“Angel… you don’t know what this means to me… I’ll never forget you,” she said tearfully. She placed a kiss on his cheek, looked at him one more time, and then stepped back to let Spike say goodbye.


“Thanks… Angel,” Spike said sincerely with a small smile. He put his hand on his shoulder. “I…I… thanks.” He stayed there for a moment before he gave him a final nod, then turned away, grabbed Buffy’s hand and ran up the stairs, dodging falling rocks and debris as they went.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



As the bus came to a stop just on the outskirts of what used to be Sunnydale, everyone climbed out of the back door. Dawn gave Buffy, and then Spike a warm hug, which they both returned eagerly.


“I’m so glad you two made it,” Dawn said, tears starting to shine in her eyes.


“It’s alright, Bit, we wouldn’t let you down,” Spike said reassuringly.


“You’re just lucky you made it out, you would’ve been in so much trouble if you weren’t standing here right now,” Buffy said seriously.


“Yes, Buffy, I don’t know what I’d do without you either,” she replied with a smile.


“What did this?” Giles asked as he walked closer to get a better look at the giant crater that was Sunnydale.


“Good ole Angel,” Spike replied somewhat sadly.


“Angel? Well, I… I don’t know what to say. I guess he did redeem himself after all.”


“No more Hellmouth,” Xander said slowly


“Yep, looks like it’s officially closed for business,” Faith said walking forward to join Giles.


“Hmm… I like the sound of that,” Willow said cheerfully.


“There is another one in Cleveland. Not to spoil the moment…” Giles said casually


“We saved the world,” Xander said slowly in amazement.


“We changed the world,” Willow said with a smile as she walked up to join Buffy and Spike who had all moved closer to the edge of the crater. “I can feel them Buffy. All over. Slayers are awakening everywhere.”


“We’ll have to find them,” Dawn said boldly


“We will,” Willow replied.


“Yes, because the mall was actually in Sunnydale, so there’s no hope of going there tomorrow,” Giles said matter-of-factly.


“We destroyed the mall?” Dawn asked, shocked. “I fought on the wrong side.”


“All those shops… gone… The Gap, Starbucks, Toys “R” Us… who will remember those landmarks unless we tell the world about them?” Xander said softly


“We have a lot of work ahead of us,” Giles said seriously.


“Can I push him in?” Faith asked mock-seriously


“You’ve got my vote,” Willow joked.


“I just want to sleep, yo, for like a week,” Faith said tiredly


“I guess we all could, if we wanted to…” Dawn said casually.


“Yeah… The First is scrunched, so… what do you think we should do, Buffy?” Willow asked.


“Yeah... you’re not the one and only chosen anymore. Just gotta live like a person. How’s that feel?” Faith asked teasingly.


“Yeah Buffy. What are we gonna do now?” Dawn asked.


Buffy grabbed Spike’s hand and looked up at him, losing herself in his eyes. She thought about how close she had come to losing him… how it could easily be him buried underneath all the rubble. And knew for sure that she was in love. Nothing else could come close to what she was feeling now, and the pain and anguish that went through her merely at the thought of him not being here.


She smiled at Spike, who grinned back, his thoughts only occupied with one thing. Buffy. Now they could be together, just relax and get to know each other. He could show her all the things she had been missing out on, take her out on dates without some “big bad” distracting her, treat her properly, and show her why he was so different from anyone else. He knew she’d always want to be a slayer, but now there were many others upon whom she could rely on to go patrolling and protect the world, so she could go out and have a good time for once, but still get in a good round of slaying when she felt like it. ‘And hopefully one day mate, she’ll love you as much as you love her.’ He was just so happy that she was giving him a chance. A chance to love her. Nothing else mattered.


‘This is it!’ She thought excitedly. ‘It’s over now… it’s all over… I’m free to do… anything I want... be with anyone I want…be with the man that I love and live the rest of my life without the burden of being the only slayer. Without all the worries, without all the stresses and all the decisions. It’s not only up to me anymore.’

She looked back to face the others, Andrew, Robin and the rest of the slayers had gotten off the bus to have a look at what they’d all been fighting for.

They all took a moment to remember the loved ones and friends that were left behind. Angel, Anya and many of the young slayers would never see the world that they had just died to save.


After a moment’s silence Buffy looked over into the faces of her friends, and found them all staring back at her quizzically. She realized all of a sudden that she’d been so distracted with the upcoming battle that she had forgotten to tell them of one major change to her life.


“Buffy, why are you and Spike holding hands?” Dawn asked shyly, but a grin was starting to spread on her face as she guessed the answer.


Spike quickly let go of her hand and took a step backwards, all of a sudden fascinated by the ground. Although he knew Buffy promised not to keep him a secret, he knew she was giving him the chance he wanted, he couldn’t control his subconscious telling him that he wasn’t supposed to show affection towards Buffy in front of her family and friends.


It was in this moment that Buffy realized just how fragile Spike really was and she felt a stab of guilt hit her heart. She slowly and purposefully stepped closer to him and took his hand again, all the while looking at him, trying to catch his eye.


“Everyone, I have something to tell you,” Buffy said softly. “Spike and I are-"


“Ooooo you guys are going out, aren’t you!” Dawn said quickly, unable to hide her excitement.


“Yes Dawnie,” Buffy said, a slow grin overtaking her face.


“For real now? As in, not just with the secret, wild, sexcapades, but actually boyfriend, girlfriend, kissing in public, going on dates, kinda way?”


Spike looked up expectantly. Buffy met his eyes, and put her hand up to caress his cheek.


“For real,” she confirmed.


To say what happened next surprised her, would be the understatement of the millennia.


Xander stepped forward, and for a moment Buffy thought he was going to hit Spike, but…


“I just want to say… congratulations Spike.” Xander held out his hand awkwardly.


Spike looked on in amazement, but slowly held his hand out and shook Xander’s.


“Ok, so… not that I’m not loving this reaction, it’s just that… it has a lot less violence and noise than I was expecting…” Buffy said slowly.


“Well, if it wasn’t for Spike pulling Caleb off me, I’d be needing a guide dog instead of an eye patch,” Xander said simply.


“Yes,” Giles piped up, somewhat nervously. “I… I think some of us, particularly me… have treated you as less than what you deserve. With all the times you’ve helped us, protected Dawn, and fought to save the world, you… you deserve a little respect. And I… I apologize. Somehow Buffy saw beyond what the rest of us could… and… and well that’s not important now, I just wanted to say I’m so sorry. Buffy is… well, she’s quite grown up now, and she’s old enough to make her own decisions concerning her life, and if she’s chosen you, well, I’m… I’m not going to stand in the way.”


“Thanks Giles,” Buffy said, her eyes tearing up. This meant so much to her to have her friends’ acceptance. Not that she was going to let it get in the way, but it was so much easier this way. “I.. I didn’t want to exclude you guys from my life, but Spike… he means so much to me, I need him, and I’m just so glad you guys understand. I only realized a few days ago that I needed him, I should’ve chosen him a long time ago, but... that doesn’t matter now,” she said wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Because I choose him now.”


Spike stood there, and felt as though his chin was on the ground. He didn’t think he’d ever been more shocked in his entire life. First Xander and his blessings, now Giles too with the apologies… and then Buffy’s heartfelt words… he felt so… so… happy, and… and he felt like he actually belonged for once in his life.


Spike shook his head to clear his mind. He quickly tried to recover from his shock and held out his hand, which Giles shook.


Everyone else nodded their heads in agreement with Giles, and wished Buffy and Spike all the best, except for Dawn who ran and embraced Spike and Buffy so hard, that he thought she might have been one of the newly called slayers.


“Easy on the ribs there, Nibblet,” he said good naturedly.


“Sorry, I’m just… really, really happy for you two!!” She smiled.


After Dawn had released them Spike squeezed Buffy’s hand, a smile overtaking his lips. He felt his self-confidence return in truck loads. He was utterly amazed and still a bit shocked by everyone’s reactions, but his happiness and love for the girl in front of him outweighed anything else. He turned to face Buffy. He couldn’t believe this was really happening, his heart felt like it could explode, and he was so excited he could just kiss-


Before he could even finish the words in his head he felt Buffy’s arms around his neck, and her lips on his. He felt her tongue press against his lips, and opened his mouth, enjoying the feeling of her pressed so close against him. He never thought it could feel this good. Sure he’d kissed Buffy before, but… never like this, not in front of her friends, where it wasn’t just the kiss that was making him feel important; it was the meaning behind it. He poured all his passion, love and happiness into the kiss, and for awhile almost forgot that there were a whole bunch of young girls and Scooby’s watching them.


“Alright, alright, we may be sorry,” Xander said jokingly. “But we’re not that sorry, break it up you two.” He smiled good-naturedly, he could tell his friend was genuinely happy, and the idea that she was happy with Spike, well; it wasn’t such a scary one for him anymore.


They pulled apart, smiling. Everyone knew. Buffy let that sink in a bit for her. Everyone knew. And the part that she loved the most about that was that she wasn’t scared. All of her friends, plus her sister knew that she and Spike were an item, and Buffy couldn’t have been happier if she tried. The only thing to complete her day would be to tell Spike how she really felt about him. She was scared before, but now she knew that she wanted everyone to know, she wanted to tell the whole world she was in love! But first she had to tell the man in question. She thought about telling him right now in front of everyone, but thought against it. It was such a big thing… only three little words, but, she knew how much it was going to affect Spike, so she wanted it to be a personal moment. She wanted to treat it as the private and intimate moment that it was, so she decided to wait, even though her heart felt like it was on fire, just from all the passion and love she felt for the person standing in front of her. Even though she felt like she could scream it to the whole world right now. She decided to wait until tonight, when they were alone. For now she just decided to settle for a hug.


“I think it’s about time you started getting some action B,” Faith said teasingly, and gave Spike a wink.


“I reckon…” Spike said in a low voice. He grinned back at Faith, and placed a gentle kiss on Buffy’s forehead.


“So… what are we going to do next?” Dawn asked again


“Well, I guess the first thing will be to find a place to stay for tonight, and then start thinking about what we want to do in the future,” said Giles, suddenly returning to serious mode again. “We can’t exactly just go back home to Sunnydale.”


“Well... uhh… we could go to England and start up a new Watcher’s council,” Willow suggested.


“Yeah,” Xander said, enthused. “And we could buy a big mansion, and we could all live in it together!”


“Yeah… and that could be our little “head quarters” where we can train all the new slayers,” Willow said with a big grin. “What do you think?”


“Oh, I… well…I guess that’s a good plan for the future, but that doesn’t sort out where we can stay tonight…”


“Ahh... you think too much G-man, let’s just hit the road, and see where it leads us,” Xander replied coolly.


“Yes, we should at least get going, shouldn’t we, I’m sure we’ll be able to find a motel or someplace to stay the rest of the night, and day I guess,” Giles said, remembering Spike’s allergy to the sun. “Then we can catch a plane to England, I know a place where we’ll all be able to stay temporarily until we get our own place sorted out… as long as everyone’s happy to do that?”


He looked at the small group in front of him.


Everyone nodded and looked around nervously, still slightly shocked from everything that had happened, and still grieving friends that they had lost.


“It’s not like we have anywhere else to go,” one of the slayers said.


There were murmurs of agreement, and Giles took that as a yes, that everyone did want to go to England.


“Well, I guess that’s settled then… and Xander,” Giles said, a bit wearily. “Please don’t call me that.”


“Why not?” Xander questioned. “Come on, G-man, lighten up… if my name started with a “G” I’d let you call me G-man…”


Giles just glared at Xander and started walking back towards the bus.


Buffy stood in Spike’s embrace, not wanting to move a single muscle.


“I guess we should get going, luv,” Spike whispered gently against her ear.


“Hmm… it’s so hard to move away though,” Buffy replied, snuggling deeper against his chest.


“Alright then, have it your way.”


Before she could protest he bent down and picked her up effortlessly.


Buffy giggled a bit, but didn’t even begin to protest. If Spike wanted to carry her and let her snuggle against his chest some more, who was she to argue!


He found a seat unoccupied on the bus and sat down, all the while carrying Buffy. He felt her reposition and cuddle closer to him, a feeling which he could never get enough of. She placed her head on his chest and closed her eyes, preparing to catch a bit of sleep as the bus engine roared to life, preparing to start the journey towards their new lives.







To be continued....

“L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can

Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don’t break it
Love was made for me and you”

“LOVE” by “Nat King Cole”



The bus was coming to a stop as Buffy slowly opened her eyes. She looked out the window and saw a large motel sign.

“What time is it?” She asked groggily closing her eyes again.

“’Bout 4.30am luv,” Spike answered. They had been driving for most of the night, with a few “stop, revive, survive” stops now and then, with Giles and Robin taking turns driving. Spike had managed to catch a few hours sleep, but the previous day’s events were still fresh in his mind. He looked fondly down at the girl still lying in his lap, and tightened his arms around her, realizing just how lucky he was to be here. There were so many bad things that could’ve happened not just to him, but to her as well… to everyone… ‘Well, not everyone did get out…’ he reminded himself as a tear slowly made its way down his cheek. He brushed it away and took a moment to recompose himself. He’d always liked Anya, she always told everything like it was, she never sugar coated anything, no matter how gruesome or rude it was, Xander always cut her down about it, but he liked her for it. It was better than telling lies all day anyway. But no one would have to worry about that anymore…

He held back a sob at the thought, he tried to hold himself together though, now was not the time or the place, there would be time to properly grieve for the ones they’d lost when they were safely in England. He promised himself that he would make a proper memorial, something big and pretty for everyone to see, so that everyone would know the ones who lost it all to protect others.

Meanwhile Giles was booking rooms for everyone. He managed to get plenty of rooms close together, with 3 or 4 people in each, except for one.

Everyone was standing up, making their way off the bus, waiting for Giles to give them a key, Buffy with Spike following close behind her were the last to get off.

“Uhh… Buffy… Spike…” Giles said awkwardly. “I thought… I thought you two might like to share a room… by yourselves… you know without all the slayers getting in the way… I realize you two have been through a lot today, and I thought you might like some time alone…”

“Thanks Giles,” Buffy said sleepily. She gave him a quick hug, then returned to Spike’s arms. He accepted the key from Giles, and then picked up Buffy, cradling her in his arms.

“Thanks… Buffy needs as much sleep as she can get, an’ she ain’t gonna get it with a bunch o’ slayers chatterin’ away…

“Yes… well, we’ll be spending all day here most likely; obviously we can’t go anywhere while the sun’s up. I know you’ll make sure she sleeps well Spike”

“Thanks Rupert… I really appreciate it… and I will… g’night”

“Goodnight”

Spike carried Buffy all the way inside, threw back the covers and gently layed her down on the double bed. He then snuggled up beside her, pulling her as close as he could to his chest. It wasn’t very long before he heard her heartbeat slowdown and knew she was asleep. He then closed his eyes and let everything but his thoughts of Buffy disappear.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



“Noo…no, Angel don’t… stop it…” Buffy’s restlessness increased, she started tossing and turning. “Noo, don’t… no please… Spike… please come on… you don’t… it doesn’t matter…”

“Noooooo!” Buffy sat up, startled with sweat beginning to form on her brow. She looked beside her expecting to see him, hoping to reassure herself, repeating over and over that it was just a dream, ‘he’s alright, he’s here’. But she found the bed cold and empty… and she’d never felt more alone and scared in her entire life.

“Spike!” She shouted desperately. Praying to herself that what she’d been dreaming hadn’t been a reality. She had memories of him being there after… but her dream had seemed so vivid… so real…

“Spike!” She shouted again jumping out of bed, getting more worried and scared by the second.

All of a sudden the front door flew open with Spike nearly knocking it off its hinges in his hurry.

“Buffy!” Spike shouted. A million thoughts were running through his mind, all different scenarios of horrible things happening to her that would make her cry out like that.

He came to an abrupt stop and was slightly confused to see the room empty except for her.

“Buffy?”

Buffy let out a sigh of relief and ran to him like she hadn’t seen him for a whole year.

“I had… I thought… and you were… Angel made you… I was so scared…” she managed to get out between sobs.

“Shhh… luv,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her, and slowly swaying as he hugged her tightly. “It’s alright… I’m here… I’m fine, nothin’ bad’s happened, I’m alright,” he pulled back to look into her eyes. “I’m here, pet.”

“You don’t know how scary it was to have such a… a horrible nightmare and then wake up and find you gone… I thought I’d lost you... I thought it was real…” Buffy said a tear falling down her face.

The tenderness in Buffy’s words broke his heart. He hated seeing her cry, and what’s worse, he hated being the one to make her cry.

“I’m so sorry Buffy,” Spike said, looking into her eyes, and wiping away the tears. “I didn’t mean to leave you so you’d wake up by yourself, only a total git would do that on purpose. I was just goin’ to check in with the watcher, see what the plan was for the rest of today… I didn’t mean to make you worry luv.” Although he hated seeing her upset, a small part of him was slightly thrilled that she was this worried about him. It made him feel special.

“You don’t know how scared I was when I heard you cry out like that… thought some nasty had gotten to you… I don’t know what I woulda done if it had…” he pulled her closer, tightening his embrace.

“Neither do I…” Buffy said quietly. “And I don’t wanna know… I don’t ever wanna lose you Spike.”

She pulled back so she could see his bright blue eyes, filled with love and tenderness. She paused for a moment and took a deep breathe.

“The other night I had an… epiphany. I realized something that I should’ve realized a long time ago… but I was scared, and… well, that doesn’t matter now. I was going to wait until after we got to England but… I can’t… I can’t wait any longer…”

She paused for another moment, and raised her hand to gently caress his cheek.

“Spike… I love you.”

Spike stared at her in amazement. He’d been hoping for this moment, he’d been hoping for it for bloody years now, imagining it in every way possible. But his imagination could never do the actual moment justice.

He’d never imagined Buffy saying it so soon either. He could tell she liked him a lot, and cared about him… but to actually love him… that was a thought he was still trying to get his head around.

He paused for a moment to let it sink in and closed his eyes.

“Wait… luv… can you say that again?”

“I love you Spike.”

“You really mean it?” He asked her in a teasing voice, his eyes still closed although he was only half joking.

She brought her other arm up around his neck, and started playing with his hair at the back of his head.

“I love you.” She punctuated her statement with a light kiss on his lips.

“Again.”

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I LOVE YOU!”

He opened his eyes and immediately picked her up and twirled her around the room, letting out a cry of sheer happiness. He didn’t know any words that could describe how he felt about this girl…his girl… but he knew a few words that would come close.

“I love you Buffy.” He said tenderly as her feet touched the ground again.

Buffy didn’t think she had ever seen Spike so happy. She’d giggled like she was 7 years old again when he picked her up, and she couldn’t seem to get the smile off her face either.

“Would you like me to say it again?” She asked teasingly.

“Always…” He whispered with a smirk forming on his lips. “But I’ve got it forever imprinted in my memory now…”

“You don’t have to store it away somewhere safe in your head Spike… I can guarantee I’m gonna say it again… I love you... and again… I love you, and again every day…” She said, tenderly kissing him each time she said “I love you”, only pulling back far enough to talk.

Not satisfied with the nice, but very brief kisses she was dishing out, Spike decided to take action. He grabbed her waist, and leaned in for a proper kiss this time. Putting all his energy, his tenderness and his love into it.

“Oh God, Buffy,” he said as he pulled away to let her breathe. “I don’t care why, how or what the hell! I’m not even gonna question it! I’m just gonna love you…” He finished gently.

“You don’t want to know why I love you as much as I do?” She asked, her bottom lip sticking out irresistibly in a pout.

“Well,” Spike answered smugly. “I’m sure it has something to do with my irresistible charm, my good looks... my sexy body…” he smirked, running his hands down her back and over her rear, letting them rest just above the back pockets of her jeans.

“Well, I admit… your uh… features are very appealing,” she said slowly and teasingly, running her hands down his chest, stopping just before she reached the button of his jeans. “And your charm… the way only you can make me feel… are very good reasons for loving someone like you… but…” she paused, taking a deep breathe, losing the silliness and getting prepared to spill her heart out. “There is more to it than that. I… I’ve loved you for so long…”

Spike gasped in awe, and continued to listen intently.

“I just… I never realized what love actually was. I’ve never known it before… the way I felt about Angel and Riley… they don’t even compare; they’ve never made me feel like I do now. I thought it was love, I honestly did at the time, but… that was before… before I met you. Before I gave you a chance to be the hero that you are. After I came back from heaven, I was so confused. The people that I was supposed to love I couldn’t stand to be around, and the one person that could make me feel happy, or anything at all… was someone who I was supposed to hate. As the slayer, it was my job to kill you… not kiss you and have wild sex with you everytime I saw you.”

Spike let out a small grin… but kept listening, not wanting to interrupt her.

“I know that you loved me back then-“

“Still do,” he exclaimed proudly.

“I know…” Buffy smiled. “I know that what you felt and feel right now is real, I know that now… of course, I would never have realized it back then. Angel set such a standard for me, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. If he couldn’t love me without a soul, then why could you? But now I realize that it’s not about the soul, I mean, I’m sure it helps you to love me better, but not having one didn’t stop you from loving me. It’s the person behind the soul that really mattered. And then when you did come back all souled-up, and after you got over the first’s control… I started to think that maybe… maybe it could be different now, maybe we could actually have something…” She paused again, looking up to meet his eyes. “But what I know now is that, we could’ve had something 2 years ago too, it doesn’t automatically change that fact now that you have a soul…”

“You realize you’re one crazy chit for not realizing this years ago, luv,” he teased good-naturedly.

“I know…” she trailed off. “But you gotta understand when you came back I was still so scared, I didn’t want to use you again, and I wanted to be better for you, something that you deserved… The night you came to me, when everyone else didn’t want me that was when I believed you’d really changed.” She paused for a breath, looking for the right words to explain how she felt.

“I knew in my head that you’d changed… I could see it, but I still wouldn’t let myself believe it and let myself imagine what we could have together, until you just held me… in your arms… and made me feel safe and wanted. That’s when I realized how deep my love for you could go if I let myself fall. But I was so scared of getting a broken heart that, I decided to just block it off… until I saw you. One look at your face and all my resolve crumbled. I was sick of playing games, but I just didn’t know what to say, because I was so nervous about making that first leap of faith, that I just decided I’d rather not deal with it after all…until you convinced me otherwise…” she grinned, letting him know that was exactly what she’d wanted him to do.

“Well, I am known for having my moments of greatness,” he smiled smugly.

“Yeah,” Buffy said, the sarcasm just rolling off her tongue. “Would that be before or after every one of your evil plans failed?”

“Hey! My plans didn’t fail! They were just… postponed, that’s all!”

“Oh, so you still planning on killing me one day then?” She asked mock-suspiciously.

“Who said anything about killing? What if my evil plan was to... just… uh... catch a slayer…yeah, what if I had no intention of killing you at all ever, what if I just wanted a slayer all to myself?”

“Oh really now?”

“Uh huh. Seems to me that I caught myself a mighty fine looking slayer too…” he smiled cheekily.

“Mmmm….you sure did…” she said, leaning in for a kiss.

“See! Plan didn’t fail!”

He gently kissed her, but pulled away quickly.

“I believe you were in the middle of telling me how much you love me…”

“I sure was… where was I up to?”

“I think you were up to the part where I brilliantly convinced you to give me a chance…?”

“How could I forget…” she smiled brilliantly up at him. “?Yes, I decided to let you into my heart just a little bit more… and then the night that The First visited me… I couldn’t sleep… so I started pacing, and I was thinking about you, and I asked myself what love was. And I realized that every feeling I’d ever dreamed love to be was exactly what I felt when I was with you… I just didn’t realize that all those feelings about you, the way I cared about what you were going through, the way I always wanted to be around you, the way I could always trust you and count on you to be there, the way I always felt tingly feelings when I saw you-“

“You got tingly feelings?” Spike asked, feeling almost giddy at the thought that Buffy tingled over him.

“Of the worst kind…”

“Who woulda thought… the hottest slayer… getting tinglies in her tummy… because of me…who woulda thought…” Spike said, very pleased with himself.

“Well, who wouldn’t! You are a hottie you know…” she said shamelessly. “But I never would’ve thought all those feelings equaled love… not until I sat down and really thought about it, and thought about what I was feeling for you… then it was like the light just turned on inside my head. I just knew that it was love. I looked at you… and all I could think about was how much I loved you… how much I love you Spike!”

She kissed him again, she didn’t even know how long it lasted, the second his tongue touched hers she gave up all hope of trying to think…

“I love you,” Spike said almost dreamily, he said, barely pulling away so that only their foreheads were touching. "Buffy, I love you, more than... anything ever... I love you so much; it feels like... love isn't a strong enough word to describe my feelings about you."

“It’s enough…” Buffy replied softly. “And I love you…so much Spike. I’m gonna keep that promise I made you. Just so you know when we get to England, I’m gonna be asking you every possible question about you.” She smiled cheerily.

“Trust me, Pet, there’s not a lot to tell. I was human, I loved me mum, I was a bloody awful poet, Dru sired me, I became evil, scourge of Europe blah blah… came to Sunnydale, fell in love with you.”

“You wrote poetry?”

“Well, like I said, I attempted to write poetry… it never turned out so well though…and I said all that stuff and all you caught was that?”

“Well, I didn’t know that you wrote poetry, so it kinda stuck out…. and I’ll be the judge of how good it is. Maybe you just didn’t have anything to inspire you…”

“Well, I certainly do now.”

“Mmmm… I hope so,” she said leaning in for yet another kiss.

“But Spike, I know there’s a lot more to you than that. I know. There’s all the feelings, all the thoughts… all the things you’ve experienced… I wanna know…”

“Feelings…” he muttered looking away. “Gonna turn me into a right bloody ponce you are!”

“Absolutely! What are you gonna do about it?” She wiggled one eyebrow.

“Well, for starters I’ll have to punish you…”

“Ooohhh… do you promise?” She asked, with a cheeky grin plastered all over her face.

“Absolutely… and you know I never break my promises, baby…” he grinned evilly.

They shared another heart melting kiss, just bursting with passion and lust.

“If there wasn’t a watcher and a room full of underage slayers next door…” Spike said huskily.

Buffy sighed and pulled away.

“So, what did Giles say?” Buffy said quickly pulling herself together, knowing this wasn’t the right time.

“Watcher’s booked us all on the next flight to England, said a mate fixed him up with a nice deal on a big house out in the country. Should be plenty big enough to train the slayers.”

“When do we leave?”

“As soon as the flammable part of the day is over,” Spike checked his watch. “About half an hour should do it.”

“Buffy… it means a lot to me that you wanna get to know me… and in England I think I know the area that we’re staying, and there’s this really nice place, I thought maybe me and you could go there? I don’t know if it’s still as nice as it used to be, but… I mean, if you wanna go?”

Buffy smiled at his nervousness and couldn’t pass it up.

“Are you asking me out on a date, Spike?” She teased, stepping closer and putting her arms around his neck.

“Sure am,” he replied, his confidence returning as he placed his hands on her waist.

“A date… you and me… I like the sound of that…” Buffy gave him her biggest brightest smile.

“Yeah…we’ve never really done this before…”

“I guess in our relationship we kinda skipped this part…”

“I’ll say…”

“Well, this time we won’t. I’d love to go on a date with you Spike,” she smiled tenderly.

He smiled back at her, he was sure his heart would be beating uncontrollably just from the anticipation… if it could that is… but he let that thought slip and just did what came naturally to him. He kissed the woman he loved.

TBC

“Starting today I'm not going to waste another moment
Even if I had the chance before I would have blown it
But you took me by surprise
And you caught me just in time
Everyday you give me reason not to walk away
I stop believing the world's gone crazy
And if it is you'll save me
Starting today I'm not going to worry about tomorrow
I'll wash away all this fear that's left me feeling hollow
Because you make me want to try
And you caught me just in time
Everyday you give me reason not to walk away
I'll stop believing I should burn like crazy
Cos if I did you chase me

Anyway, I should have told you
So many times
That I shyed away
Somehow you always seem to
Be there, making it easy
And you give me reason to stay”

“Starting Over” by “Natalie Imbruglia”



“Oh come on Spike, are we there yet?” Buffy whinged outloud. Secretly she was loving the suspense but she wasn’t going to let Spike in on that. “Come on wont you please just tell me where we’re going?”

“You know there is a meaning to that word ‘surprise’, luv,” he said as he led a blind-folded Buffy up the stairs of a very large mansion. “You’d think this place’d have an elevator though… it’s bloody big enough…”

“Well, you know this would be so much faster if I could see,” she pointed out stubbornly. Though it was hard to take her seriously with the big grin on her face.

“Yes, luv, but then there’s that word ‘surprise,’ that I was tryin’ to show you the meanin’ of.”

“Surprises…” Buffy mumbled under her breath. “Who likes surprises anyway… they are so overrated…”

Spike just smiled at her continued grumbling. He steered her up yet another flight of stairs and down another hallway ‘geez, feels like I’m in a bloody castle!’ And from the size of this mansion, he wasn’t too far off. Finally he made it to his desired destination. He undid the mask covering her eyes and…

“Wow…” was all Buffy had to say. Up on the top floor there was one of the larger rooms (although none of the rooms in this place could be called small). It was almost like a small apartment. It had a large balcony, with big glass sliding doors, and the sun was shining on the balcony, but low enough that Spike had no fear of instantaneous combustion, but still managed to cast a pretty glow over the room as it set into the horizon. The room consisted of 2 levels, on the bottom level there was a small kitchen with the basic kitchen appliances, a small dinner table and a good sized lounge room with a comfy looking couch, matching recliners and a large tv with all the latest in home theatre surround sound systems. Off to the side there was also a small bathroom and also a laundry. Upstairs, like all the rooms in this mansion, was fully furnished with a beautiful, antique looking 4 poster bed and matching bed side tables. There was a smaller balcony up here, and they were also spoilt with a walk in wardrobe and a large ensuite with a reasonable size Jacuzzi.

“I found this room while you lot were explorin’ downstairs, and I thought you might like it… with the view and the balcony and everything,” he looked down starting to get a bit embarrassed.

“Spike, it’s beautiful… I love it!” She exclaimed grabbing his hand. She took a moment to look around, and it really was quite spectacular. “I was about to suggest we run downstairs and grab all our bags but… then I remembered that everything I own is buried under a pile of rubble a different time zone away…” she joked, smiling sadly at the thought of all her photos and precious items that couldn’t be replaced…

“Our stuff?” He looked at her hopefully.

“Well…yeah… I mean, I know there’s more than enough rooms for everybody to have their own, but I just thought… I mean… if you don’t want…” she stopped looking down at their joined hands, starting to feel a bit awkward.

“No I do!” He said quickly squeezing her hand. “I just didn’t know if you wanted…”

“Of course I want to share a room with you!” She said stepping closer and reaching up to snake her arms around his neck. “I love you…”

“You know, I’ll never get over hearing you say that…” he said, letting his head slowly fall until their foreheads were gently touching. “It’s just…” he pulled away a little and sighed putting his hands on her waist. “It’s a big step for us, movin’ in together an’… I didn’t wanna muck it up…”

“I know… but… you’re not,” she said tenderly looking into his eyes. “I love you and I wanna be with you… and can you imagine how annoying it would be for me to have to sneak out of my room every night-”

“I don’t think you'd have to sneak, pet, I think it’s just a little too obvious where you'd be runnin' off to...” he smirked.

“Exactly,” she smiled. “I’d end up sleeping in here every night anyway, may as well just start out in here…”

“Just sleeping... every night?” He asked innocently, although she could see the beginnings of a smirk creeping onto his face.

“Well... eventually...”

“And what comes before the sleepin' part, luv?” He nearly whispered his voice was so low.

“Well I guess we could always stay up until we're both worn out... you know we could... play cards... board games...other things maybe...” she finished suggestively.

“Oh well, I’m pretty sure I could think of 1 or 2 games myself...” he said, his tongue starting to curl between his teeth.

With a small sigh Buffy jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist.

“You know that tongue drives me wild,” she said her voice full of lust as she lent forwards and started kissing him passionately.

They fell onto the bed in a tumble, Buffy lying half on the bed, half on top of Spike their lips never losing contact. Their tongues licking lazy, long strokes over the other and they were so caught up in their make-out session they didn't hear Dawn enter.

“Ewww!” Dawn said childishly. “I can't believe you guys. We've been here for like half an hour and you're already trying to compete with the rabbits.”

Buffy sat up when she heard Dawn’s voice.

“Yes Dawn?” Buffy said, not nearly as irritated as she should be by Dawn’s interruption, after all... Spike was hers now.

“I just came up here to tell you Giles wants to talk to you about some slayer stuff and he's coming up here. And since I thought you two might be makin’ with the lovin’ I thought I'd warn you before he got here and had a heart attack or something,” she finished calmly.

“Thanks bit,” Spike responded. “Well if you're gonna be talkin’ slayer/watcher stuff, I’m gonna go down and check out the rest of the house, comin’ bit?”

“Uhhh… actually Giles wanted to talk to you too Spike.”

“Me? What have I got to do with a slayer... well, apart from the obvious…” he said slightly confused.

“Hey,” she held up her hands in a defensive manner. “I’m just the messenger,” she said as she left the room.

As he heard Dawn’s feet patter down the stairs, his mind started drifting...

“Hey umm… Buffy, remember what I mentioned… back in America... our date...” Spike said, only slightly nervous. He knew she loved him, but he just couldn’t wrap his head around it. It seemed so unbelievable and it felt like such a dream come true.

“How could I forget...” Buffy said, a grin starting to light up her face.

“Well I was thinking maybe tomorrow we could-“

“Buffy?” Giles called out tentatively. “Spike?”

Spike sighed.

“Just a sec,” Buffy shouted down. “We’ll talk straight after this,” she promised Spike as they made their way down the stairs.

They all took a seat around the dinner table.

“Ok... I um, I just wanted to talk to you, both of you about… about your future…”

“Yeah… what about it?” Asked Spike.

“Well, obviously now that you two are in a relationship, you’ll obviously want to be together, and I was just wondering what you plan on doing… about your lives… your career… I mean, Buffy, you’ve got all the choices you could ever want… I mean… if you want… but Spike, you can’t exactly get a normal job or anything during the day… and I was kind of assuming you’d be willing to help out, but I still wanted to ask you properly.” He took a deep breath. With all Buffy’s training and skills, and Spike’s experience and knowledge, they’d make a great set of teachers for the future generation of Slayers. But he didn’t want them to expect that they had to. Buffy had certainly saved the world enough times, that if she didn’t want to continue doing it, if she needed a break, well he wouldn’t force her to stay.

“You’ve certainly done your fair share of slaying Buffy, for a couple of lifetimes, and if you wanted a break, well, by all means it’s up to you… but I’d be so glad if both of you would like to stay here and help me form a new, better council with the new generation of Slayers.” He waited patiently, hoping he would like the answer.

“Well, we haven’t really talked about it yet… we only just got here, but… I think so… Spike?” She looked at him for an answer.

“Pet, as long as I’m with you I’ll be happy,” he said, gently taking her hand. “And if tha’ means spendin’ me days, helpin’ out the council and trainin’ mini sized slayers well so be it.” He smiled, looking into her eyes, and seeing nothing but love.

“Well, looks like we’re here to stay then!” Buffy smiled warmly at Giles.

“And even if we didn’t want to help you, I think we’d stay here anyway… this place is amazing Giles… how’d you manage to score it?” Spike asked.

“Well, it belonged to an old friend of mine, he inherited it from his parents, and since he wasn’t using it, said it was too big for him, said we could have it.”

“Have it?” Spike asked incredulously. “You mean you got this for free! And all the high-tech goodies too?” He said pointing to the lounge room.

“Uhh… yes, he sort of… owed me a favour as well…”

“Must have been some favour…”

“Well, yes, back in the day I… I saved his life… but that’s another story, anyway I’m so glad you’re staying. Truthfully, I wasn’t looking forward to letting you go.”

Buffy just smiled and gave him a hug.

“Well, if you need anything just let me know, I wanted to go check out the training room before dinner…I think Xander and Dawn have ordered pizzas by the way… should be here in about half an hour I think.”

“Right, we’ll be down there soon then,” Spike answered as Giles made his way out the door.

“Hmmm… now where were we…?” Buffy asked slowly. “I believe you were about to ask me something?” The same electrifying grin spreading over her face again.

“Oh yeah… um I know this little park, kinda pretty durin’ the day, but o’ course, that was before my little allergy, but um… should still be alright after sunset if you wanted to go tomorrow night?” He said becoming nervous again.

“A midnight picnic?” She said with a teasing voice. She was going to tease him some more, but decided from the look on his face that he was in enough torture. “I really want this to work out between us, I wanna start this relationship again and I want it to be right this time. I’d love to go with you Spike,” she said softly, trying to get the nervousness out of his eyes.

She was rewarded when he suddenly smiled, any signs of his previous fear vanishing.

“Oh my god,” Buffy just realised something, the biggest catastrophe of all known catastrophes.

“I have nothing to wear!” She said, her face one of horror, and only half joking.

“Well, pet, I must say that suits me just fine,” he said pulling her onto his lap, her arms automatically wrapping around his neck.

“You want hundreds of guys to see me naked? And then watch me get arrested for indecent exposure?” She asked, raising her eyebrow.

“On second thoughts, save it for later,” he said, kissing her lightly on the lips. “You can go shopping tomorrow though, I’m sure Dawn’s dyin’ for some retail therapy, and while you’re gone, I can start helpin’ Giles to train the new slayers,” he suggested.

“Ohh… I think this is going to work out very nicely!” Buffy said, pleased that she’d be able to go shopping and spend some quality time with her sister, two things she loved doing, but hadn’t been able to do in quite a while.




Many hours later, long after dinner, they stayed up talking to everyone for quite some time. It had been a whole new experience for Spike. He’d never been fully accepted into the little Scooby group. Maybe with Dawn a little more so, but even after returning with his soul, he’d never felt like he truly belonged in the same room as the Scoobies. But now they had talked, laughed and joked like he was an old pal, and Spike, for the second time in his life felt like he truly belonged, the first time being when Buffy told him she loved him, and now Spike and Buffy lay relaxed, but tired in their bed. ‘Our bed…me and Buffy’s bed… ours…together… Buffy loves me…we’re living together…she loves me…’ Spike still couldn’t make it sink into his brain, and although he knew it to be true, he still felt like he was going to wake up and for it all to be an amazing dream. They still hadn’t consummated their relationship yet, but they knew tonight wasn’t the night. ‘Make it special…’ Spike kept reminding himself.

They’d only arrived in England this afternoon, and after the long plane ride, it felt good to just relax, and get used to the time difference. They were doing pretty well with the jet lag though.

And as they lay there, fully clothed, Spike snuggled a little closer to Buffy and tucked his arm around the woman he loved, and it was then that he just knew. Something inside his head just…clicked. It was like… magic, and he just…he just knew. They both loved each other, why wait when right now…

“I love you Buffy,” he whispered so tenderly against her ear.

“I love you too, Spike… so much,” she whispered back her voice overflowing with emotion.

And that’s what sealed the deal in Spike’s mind. Tomorrow was the day…


To be continued…

“Baby I love you
You are my life
My happiest moments weren't complete
If you weren't by my side
You're my relation
In connection to the sun
With you next to me
There's no darkness I can't overcome
You are my raindrop
I am the sea
With you and God, who's my sunlight
I bloom and grow so beautifully
Baby, I'm so proud
So proud to be your girl
You make the confusion
Go all away
From this cold and messed up world

I am in love with you
You set me free
I can't do this thing
Called life without you here with me
Cause I'm Dangerously In Love with you
I'll never leave
Just keep lovin' me
The way I love you loving me

And I know you love me
Love me for who I am
Cause years before I became who I am
Baby you were my man
I know it ain't easy
Easy loving me
I appreciate the love and dedication
From you to me
Later on in my destiny
I see myself having your child
I see myself being your wife
And I see my whole future in your eyes
Thoughts of all my love for you
sometimes make me wanna cry
Realize all my blessings
I'm grateful
To have you by my side”

“Dangerously in love” by “Beyonce”




With a loud thud, Spike landed hard on his back on the floor.

“How was that?” One of the younger Slayers asked.

“Much better,” Spike coughed. He stood up easily, and straightened out his duster, only slightly embarrassed at being caught off guard so easily. “I might take a break though ‘ey.”

“Sure, I’ll go train with Kennedy.” She wandered over to the other group of girls, who should have been training, but were busy chattering away instead.

Spike sighed, and glanced around trying to spot him…

“I hope he’s not- ahh, there he is…” he mumbled to himself. Giles had just hung up the phone, and Spike thought this would probably be his best chance.

‘Alright, Spike, just like you practiced…’ he thought to himself. He was dreading this conversation already, but everytime he tried to ignore it, William just kept convincing him it was the right thing to do. So off he headed in that direction.

“Oh Spike,” Giles exclaimed when he saw the vampire walking towards him. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh really…”Spike said, a bunch of nerves suddenly attacking him. “Uhhh, well, I um, I wanted to do the same. With you. Talk to you that is.”

“Oh well, do you want to-“

“No!” Spike said just a little louder than he intended. “Uh, that is, no. You go first….”

“Right,” Giles said. “Well, I just wanted to say how great you’ve been with the Slayers. Already today they’ve learnt and improved tremendously.” He paused. “I never thought I’d ever say this to you Spike… but thank you.” He said sincerely. “I’m sure you’ve helped increase the lifetime of these slayers by decades. I mean you’ve already done it once…Buffy’s lived a lot longer than any other slayer… I… I’ve never thanked you for all the times you were there for her, there for everyone when they needed saving, and I know we’ve had our differences, but… thank you.”

“’S’alright… I guess any good vamp would,” he said, cocking his head to the side to give him a small smile.

A moment passed.

“You had something to say?” Giles asked.

“Oh right, yes… uhh…see, it’s about Buffy...”

“Yes?”

“Well, I mean, you know I love her, wouldn’t’ve done half the things I done if I didn’. And I mean… and now we’ve kinda moved in together… and I love her… so much, and you’re kinda like her father in a way... I just thought I should ask- oh bollocks, this is so stupid, I sound so stupid-" he broke off angrily, turning his back to Giles.

“Spike-“

“Why, why am I doing this, I’m such a stupid, stutterin’ old ponce who can’t even-“

“Spike!” Giles interrupted again a little louder this time, and he managed to catch his attention. “It’s alright, you’re not stupid, or any of those other things…” the older man assured him. “I know what you’re trying to say… and yes. I think that would be perfect.” He smiled and gave Spike a friendly pat on the back.

Just then they heard the front door slam, and Spike’s enhanced hearing picked Buffy’s voice drifting in from the front hall. He then heard two sets of feet start ascending up the stairs.

“Buffy and Dawn must be back from their shop-a-thon,” Spike smiled grimly. “If I were you, I never would’ve shown that girl what a credit card was… bloody things are quite dangerous if you ask me…”

“Yes, and yet somehow she always manages to convince me to give her mine…” Giles smiled wryly.

“Ahh… mate, I don’t blame you… Summers women and their invincible thrall… gets you every time…” Spike said good naturedly.

“Well, I better finish off this training session, you go on up to Buffy,” Giles said as he turned towards the young slayers.

“Uhh… thanks Giles. It means a lot to me…”

“Well, if there’s one thing Buffy needs it’s love, and well, I know you’ve got a lot to offer her…”

“Yeah… I do. Well, I better go see my girl,” Spike said cheerfully as he made his way to the door.

As he headed out and started up the stairs though, Giles’ words started to come back to him… ’What have I got to offer her…’ he thought. ‘I love her, that’s for sure, and I’d do anything physically possible for her, but… there’s so many things that aren’t physically possible for me to do for her that she might really want… maybe… maybe this isn’t the right thing for me to do… I know she loves me, and I know I love her an’ I couldn’t live without her… but what if she can’t live with me… what if what she wants is more than what I’ve got…’ Doubt started to worry his face, and he was concentrating so much that he didn’t even hear her coming.

“Spike!” Buffy said excitedly. She could feel his presence tingling all over her body, she turned around, and saw him with his head down, walking like he was lost in thought, or on a mission or something. She ran down the stairs she had just walked up and threw her arms around him.

“I missed you… I haven’t seen you all day…” She looked into his eyes, tilting her head forward to lean in to give him a kiss.

It was soft, tender, but passionate all the same.

“Have I told you I love you yet today?” She asked, smiling innocently.

As soon as their lips touched, all his worry, doubts and problems faded as though they had never existed.

“Hmm… probably… but you can always say it again…” He said, pulling away so their foreheads were touching.

“I love you…” Buffy whispered.

“Oh Buffy, I love you too,” he whispered back just as tenderly.

“Buffy! Come try on this new outfit, I wanna see it on you again,” Dawn called out from upstairs, effectively ruining the moment.

“I’ll be up in a minute Dawn,” Buffy yelled back.

“New outfit, huh?” Spike said, pulling away slightly, his hands still resting around his waist. “Anything uh… naughty that I’d like?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Well, you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you. Depends on if you’ve been a bad boy or not…” she whispered seductively, running a finger down his chest.

“Slayer, you know I’m bad,” he whispered again, leaning in to kiss her. He broke away after only a second though.

“So, did you have a good day?”

“Yep! Had the best day, there’s so many good shops around here! I found a new outfit for our date tonight, and I bought you something new to wear as well…” she said mischievously.

“A present… for me?” he asked a smile appearing on his handsome features.

“Uh huh! Nothing spectacular, just something new… thought you might want to change your clothes…”

“Good thinking, luv. Well, right, sun’s down,” he said, looking outside through the window. “There’s somethin’ I want to pick up, won’t take long, I’ll be back in about 30 minutes. You go on up an’ make yourself beautiful. I don’t know what you’re gonna do for the rest of the 29 minutes and 55 seconds that I’ll be gone though…”

Buffy smiled up at him.

“You are such a charmer, you know,” she said tenderly running her fingertips down his irresistible cheekbone. “I used to think I could never love you… now… I don’t know what I’d do without you…” she said, suddenly taking the conversation to a more serious place.

“Oh God, Buffy do I know… when I first met you… if someone had told me in 5 years time I’d be moving into the same bedroom as the Slayer and was head over heels in love with the her, I probably would’ve laughed at ‘em ‘til I turned to dust, then sent ‘em to the nearest Insane Asylum…” He paused, resting his hand over hers which was still caressing his face. “But now I know I’ve never loved anyone else more… and I couldn’ live without you by my side…”

He leant down for another kiss. The powerful emotions running through them both nearly turned the kiss into something more, but Spike reluctantly pulled away.

“I’ll be back soon, pet,” he said, placing another chaste kiss to her lips.

“Promise?” She whispered.

“Of course sweetheart…wouldn’t wanna be late for our first date, after all…”

He winked and gave her another peck on the lips, then strode down the stairs confidently towards the front door with a grin stuck firmly on his face.

He knew exactly where he was going and what he was doing, and as he reached his destination, he knew he’d know exactly which one the second he saw it. Not too big, not too small, just… ‘Perfect,’ he thought to himself as he caught sight of exactly what he was looking for.

As Spike paid for his purchase and left the store, the cashier smiled to herself. ‘Damn, there’s one lucky girl out there tonight…’






Sitting on a picnic blanket, with a few snacks and biscuits and a bottle of lemonade, Spike sat comfortably, leaning his back against a tree, while Buffy was sitting in the v-shape of his legs with her head tilted back to rest against his chest. He smiled as he looked at his hands, both gently holding onto her much tinier ones, resting on her flat tummy, with both arms wrapped around her. He loved the fact that there seemed to be this spot, this Buffy-shaped spot in his arms that only she could fill just right.

The sun had disappeared below the horizon, but there was still that last bit of light glowing before darkness completely overtook the day. He smiled again as he listened to her continuing babble about her day, shopping and having lunch with Dawn, spending some good quality sister time with her, and re-establishing their close bond they once had.

“…she’s so grown up now… I forgot how old she’s getting… still as immature as ever, especially when it comes to the topic of our relationship, but she has grown up a lot over the past few years… after I came back…I kinda forgot about everyone else’s pain, you know…just kinda concentrated on my own and didn’t notice anything else that went on… just struggling to be me…” she said while absently stroking his fingers. “Then last year, I was kind of better, but still not in touch with everyone…” she said, her voice growing quieter with each word. “I’ve known Xander forever but… I still don’t really know him… you know…Willow used to be my best friend… and Anya… I never really took the time to get to know her… now I never can…”

“Hey, luv shh… no…” Spike said trying to reassure her. “Don’t think like that. You had a lot of important things on your mind-“

“What, like having wild sexcapades with you?” She asked doubtfully.

“Not quite, luv,” he said firmly. “More like saving the world. Being the slayer… not an easy thing to do while trying to be best friend and big sis to the Nibblit, working late every night an’ just fightin’ to stay alive… I think you’ve played the best game you could with the cards you’ve been dealt… there wasn’t a lot of time for socialisin’ while there’s an impending apocalypse from three nerds just waiting to strike. You had a job that needed to be done, so you did it. There wasn’t really much time for anythin’ else. But now you’ve got the time luv. Buffy, you’ve got as much time as you could ever want now. You’ve saved the world for the last time, you’ve changed the world! If you don’t wanna be the Slayer at the next apocalypse, you don’t have to, you’ve got a dozen slayers, and probably a dozen more when Giles finds the rest of them, to take your place and fight for you...”

“You mean I’m the boss who sits back in their expensive leather chair and orders the others to do all the work now?”

“Yep, that’s you. You just got promoted to the top floor where anything you desire can come true.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely, Pet,” Spike said calmly.

“You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better…” Buffy said softly. “Thankyou…” She twisted around so she could see him better and lifted her head to give him a gentle kiss on his lips.

Swiveling around a little bit more, she moved her legs so she was sitting across Spike’s lap, with her head against his chest. She snuggled closer when she felt Spike’s arms wrap tighter around her, sighing peacefully at how good she felt.

“Tell me a story, Spike,” Buffy said softly.

“A story?” Spike asked a little skeptically, raising one eyebrow.

“Yeah… you know… a story, a secret, something about you… something that nobody else knows…” she said getting excited. “Like… for example, I don’t even know when your birthday is, or how old you are…”

“Well, you know, after your hundredth birthday you begin to lose count, pet…” he said, but at the pout he predictably saw cross her face, he couldn’t help but continue. “Alright,” he sighed. “Lemme think… umm… well, I’ve been dead for about 124 years, and I was turned when I was 25, so I guess that makes me…149.”

“And your birthday?”

“Ahh… my birthday…” Spike said, reminiscing. “I used to love those…me mum used to always make me a cake, and set up a little surprise party every year… of course it was only just me an’ mum… didn’t really have many friends… or any actually… but she tried…” Spike smiled wistfully.

“So you never had a good birthday when you were a kid…” she said sadly. “Knew we had something in common after all…” Buffy joked, trying to lighten the mood. “I can’t say that I can go back in time and change it… but I can make your future birthdays special… if you tell me when?” She pressed gently.

“It’s on the 20th of August… and Buffy… as long as you’re with me, it’ll be the best birthday I could ever dream of… you don’t have to do anythin’ special, luv, just… be with me… and I’m happy…”

Buffy felt her heart melt, and tears start glistening in her eyes.

“Everytime I think you’ve run out of charming things to say, you surprise me again…” she said, smiling through her watery eyes. “How could I have let myself miss out on this for so long!” She said ruefully. “Tell me more about your mum… what was she like?”

“It was a long time ago, but… she was a lot like your mum. That’s partially why I liked Joyce so much, kinda reminded me a bit of her… kind, generous, trusting, full of unconditional love… plus they both made the best hot chocolates….they were both great women and I loved them a lot,” he said matter-of-factly. “My mum always looked out for me, stupid ponce I was, couldn’t look out for meself… never even moved out of home… not til I became the scourge of Europe.” He paused for an un-needed breath.

“She was so sick all the time, and I just wanted to take care of her. She wanted me to be happy, find a nice wife and settle down, but, I didn’t want to leave her. That and the fact that I wasn’t exactly what you’d call a “ladies man”. I told you about Cecily… she and every other female thought I was a ridiculous fool who wrote awful poetry… I was useless… the only woman in my life was my sick mother… I didn’t have a career… I…didn’t have anything…”

She was right, she knew there was a lot more than what was on the outside when it came to Spike… but she never imagined his past being so… sad... she listened to the tone in which he spoke of himself; the worthless way he talked about himself, putting himself down, saying he was useless, and she realized that she needed to take care of him, more importantly, that she wanted to take care of him. Reassure him that she didn’t think he was a worthless ponce, reassure him and let him know that she loved him. ‘He’s so… vulnerable and so sensitive… all that ‘big bad’ talk…. Pfft… he’s just a big bad softie… a big, emotional, sensitive, softie, who has more emotions in him than most humans. He always does everything he can to make me happy… now it’s my turn to do the same for him.’

“Spike,” she said, her voice choking with emotion. “You’ve got me… fully, completely in every way. My heart, my body and my soul. Always. You don’t have to be embarrassed about your past… if you need to say anything, no matter what, you can always talk to me, you know that right? And it won’t change the way I look at you, or the way I feel about you. I don’t think you were a ‘big ponce’, there’s nothing wrong with writing poetry… I think it’s sweet… have you ever written a poem about me?” she asked timidly.

He looked away, thinking about the thousands of poems scribbled on various bits of paper that he used to keep hidden under his bed in his old crypt.

“Spike? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but… I’d… I’d be really flattered to hear one if you’d let me?” She asked quietly.

“With hair so golden and pure,
Reflecting in the soft moonlight,
Effulgent,
She takes my breath away.
How can this beautiful creature love me so?
I feel unworthy of such devotion,
I feel I have done too much wrong to forgive,
But still she lives to accept me,
She still lives to love me.
She smiles and my unbeating heart speeds up,
Countless hours could be spent listening to her laugh.
She says my name, I am in ecstasy,
I am hers from now until forever.
A kiss on the wind,
From beauty to the beast,
Sets my imagination going wild.
My love knows no bounds for her,
I would do anything it seems,
Because she takes my breath away.”

Buffy sat there in stunned silence.

“I’m sorry, it’s terrible isn’t it… I dunno what I was thinkin’, it jus’ kinda came into my head when I was holding you on the bus trip after Sunnydale... I shouldn’t have told you I – “

“No, Spike… it was beautiful,” Buffy whispered tenderly. “I loved it… and I love you.”

“You really liked it?” Spike asked, his insecurity showing in his voice.

Buffy nodded, moving closer to him she pressed her lips silently to his, a kiss saying everything her words couldn’t begin to express.

After they’d pulled apart, he leaned back against the tree, content to just snuggle with his love. He watched the moonlight twinkle across the nearby lake, rippling gently with the slight breeze. She was so beautiful. He never wanted this moment to end. He just wanted to stay right here with her in his arms forever. ‘Forever… that’s all I want... To spend forever with this girl in my arms. Holding, caring, loving, protecting… to be anything and everything she needed…’

“Buffy… there’s something I have to do,” Spike said suddenly, courage coursing through him. He stood up, and offered her his hand, which she gladly accepted. He led her to a nearby park bench and told her to sit down. He remained standing, but held both her hands in his.

“Spike, what…?” Buffy asked, confusion crossing her face.

“Buffy, I love you. An’ I never dreamed the day would come when someone… you… would love me in return. I’ve been wishing for this for the last 149 years, but I never hoped that it would come true. I know I don’t have much to offer. I can’t give you children, I can’t even go to the beach with you… all I have to offer is my love, unconditional love for the rest of your life… if you’d let me…”

He paused dramatically and dropped down onto one knee as he drew in a shaky breath. He released one of Buffy’s hands to slowly remove a small blue box from his duster pocket.

“Buffy Summers,” he said as he slowly opened the lid. “Will you marry me?”


To be continued....





A/N Mwahahahaha aren't I evil?!?! Update will be very soon! PROMISE!