“Ugh…stop moving.” Buffy swatted blindly at the mysterious bed mover as she fought off approaching wakefulness. She wrapped herself into the blankets deeper as she hid her head from the peeping sunlight coming in through the side window.

“Stop hitting me, you bloody bint!” Her bedmate growled lowly as he tugged her warm body closer to his own room temperature one. One hand idly stroked her bare tummy as the other tangled itself in her hair as he tugged her to face him.

“Oh my God! Spike what are you doing? Why are you…are you naked under there?” Buffy’s eyes widened as she took in the well-muscled alabaster chest of the purring vampire attempting to pull her closer. Something hard brushed her thigh and she clutched the sheets tighter to her as she sat bolt upright.

“Whass’at Slayer? ‘m cold, gimme back the sheets.” He tugged at the sheets she was currently using to cover her own naked predicament.

“Spike, y-you with the naked! What the hell are you doing in my bed? Hold on! This isn’t my room!” Buffy took a long look around the hotel room. It certainly looked like it had cost enough with the plush bedcovers and elaborate scrolling of the mirrors across from the bed. Her left hand came up to smack at her forehead when she saw the distinctive glint from a gold ring adorning her ring finger. Quickly risking a glance at the grumbling vampire she saw her worst nightmare come slowly to life- the matching ring to her own was on the left ring finger of the bleached blonde menace currently grappling for more cover. Glancing at the nightstand she found a simple piece of paper declaring her legally bound to the peroxide pest.

Sensing Buffy’s increased heart rate, Spike reluctantly turned over to take in her shell-shocked expression as she glanced in horror between her hand and his own. Looking down his own eyes bugged to match hers as he saw her dilemma.

“Bleeding buggering hell! ‘m married to the sodding Slayer! Undo it!” He gazed at her pleadingly.

“We so can not be married. I mean is it even possible for vampires to get married…and not the blood claim-y way either.”

“Ever ‘eard the expression ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas’ pet?” He settled back against the headboard as he took in her exposed bronzed shoulders which led to thinking of other exposed parts hidden just beneath that flimsy sheet which led to thinking about what he could be doing at that very moment to said exposed parts.

“So that means we aren’t actually married and I can stake you now?” Buffy looked hopeful at the prospect before frowning at Spike’s own expression.

“Sorry luv but we’re hitched as legal as in any other state. ‘side you wouldn’t want to kill your husband, would you? Don’t think you’d do too well in prison luv. Orange doesn’t suit you well.” He smirked at her crestfallen appearance and briefly wondered if he could persuade her to drop the sheet a couple of inches…or off completely.

“Oh my god.”

Chapter 2:

Buffy tugged her sunlight-impaired husband off the plane and towards the nearest shady area before he could burst into flames.

“Aww luv, it’s almost as if you actually care about me.” He gave her a sickeningly sweet smile before draping his arm over her shoulders and leading her towards the front of the airport, careful to stay in the shadows.

“It takes longer to declare you dead, well dead-er, than to have this thing annulled you.” Buffy grumbled as she fought the urge to stake his annoying ass.

“Er pet, we’ve already consummated the deal. Don’t think you’ll be getting out of this one with a simple annulment.” He gave her another rugged smirk as he recalled said consummation that very morning.

“Somebody really wants me to suffer, don’t they? Hey! Maybe Willow can undo it since she was the one that did it in the first place. There has to be a clause against supernatural marriages.” Her shoulders drooped for a brief moment before she was slammed into the wall, the body of her lover holding her in place as he kissed her passionately.

“Why get divorced? Tell me you don’t love this, every minute of it. Tell me you don’t love the fact that itty-bitty grandma and grandpa are watching us with nostalgia in their eyes. You know what they’re thinking of, right luv? They’re thinking how nice it is to see such a cute, young couple in love. Tell me you don’t feel the passion between us.” He stroked the exposed skin where her tank didn’t quite meet up with her low-rise jeans as he continued to press kisses to the side of her neck.

“It’s wrong Spike, it’s so…fuck! Right there!” She leaned into him more before a disgruntled passenger pushed their way past the couple and out of the security area. “We should probably get going.”

“Right. Wouldn’t want to end this weekend with a night in the slammer.” He tugged her back under his shoulder as they continued on their trek to the front of the airport. “So are we alright pet? No running off to the lawyers?”

“I-I don’t know yet Spike. Two weeks ago we were trying to kill each other and now, well now we’re married and I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Um…how did we get here?” Buffy glanced around briefly at the Los Angeles Airport before turning her attention back to the smirking vampire dangling a set of keys in front of her face.

“Don’t you remember Slayer? You begged me to take you to Vegas and make you an honorable woman so we took my baby to L.A and flew to Vegas.”

Several minutes and a couple of close calls with the sunlight, they made their way to the waiting black Desoto and were on the way back to Sunnydale.

“Oh my God…Riley! I told him I was getting married!”

“’n now you can tell soldier boy you are married and to bugger off!” Spike snuffed out his cigarette and took immense pleasure in imagining ripping off soldier boys head for even daring to talk to his girl, his slayer.

One half of the blonde duo sat nervously shaking on her watcher’s couch as her counterpart sprawled next to her without a care in the world. Spike figured that he had time to get out of the line of fire if the watcher decided to dust his unworthy corpse and as the watcher hadn’t pulled out any weaponry that resembled anything sharp, pointy and made of wood, he figured he was safe enough. He tilted his head to the side as he watched the slayer…uh-hmm, his wife, twitch nervously every time the watcher wiped at his glasses or moved around the room to look at one book or another as they waited for the rest of the little Scooby gang to arrive.

“Buffy luv? You alright there?” Spike leaned over towards the twitching girl and nudged her softly.

“I think I left ‘alright’ a couple exits back…I’m not even in the vicinity of being alright at the moment. God, what am I even doing here? About to tell my watcher and best friends that because of one of my best friends and her stupid little magic kick I’m married to my sworn enemy and not just my sworn enemy but the stupid bleached one that tried to kill me just a couple of weeks ago and ugh…I still have to tell my maybe boyfriend that I can’t date him because I’m already married…” Her hands waved wildly as she yammered on about all of her issues with the bleached blonde beside her and her friends who had just walked through the door.

“Are you quite done yet? ‘m bloody shocked that I ‘aven’t dusted just from listened to that soddin’ tirade ‘bout the virtues of the bleeding slayer. ‘f you want the divorce I’ll grant it to you no questions asked and you can go play house with the soddin’ soldier boy…and why the hell do you give a damn about what those tossers think of you anyway? It’s not like their relationships ‘ave been any better. Witch was shaggin’ a werewolf and the whelp’s been involved with how many demons now? Don’t let those little buggers get to you ‘bout this luv, ‘s you’re life.” Spike grunted as he noticed the little Scoobies huddled in the corner of the room, mouths agape.

“Did the bleached wonder just say d-divorce?” Xander blinked at the blonde pair on the couch as he tried to find another word that sounded like divorce but didn’t mean his beloved Buffy had actually touched the decrepit vampire.

“B-but I stopped the spell before they…I did stop the spell in time, right Buffy?” Spike glared at the redhead as she tried to pull off her most innocent expression. He nearly laughed as she tried harder at her friend’s blank expression and came off a bit constipated.

“No Willow, just like always you screwed up and in turn it screwed up my life. Do you hate me for some reason that I don’t know about? And my God Xander, could you be any more of a stuck up dumbass with a superiority complex?” Buffy rolled her eyes at the shell-shocked expressions of her best friends as she waited for her watcher to weigh in on her decision.

Giles continued to pace the room all the while cleaning at smudge-free glasses as he listened to the young people in the room and tried to hide a smile at his slayer’s backbone emerging. Sure, the scoobies had their place in the group but the weight of the world truly only rested on the shoulders of the slayer with her watcher as a support.

“Buffy, are you quite sure that you want to stay legally bound to…a vampire, even one as impotent as Spike?”

“Oi! ‘m not impotent, jus’ a bit dysfunctional at the mo’ but give me time ‘n I’ll be drinking you dry and dancing on your graves!” His protesting simmered as Buffy’s hand came to rest on his shoulder and she gently shook her head at him in a bid to calm him down.

“I’ve thought about it Giles and wouldn’t I be safer with a master vampire backing me…especially one as revered as William the Bloody?” Buffy held her breath as she waited for her pseudo-father to respond. She nearly fell out off the couch at his blinding smile.

“I’m just sorry that I wasn’t able to give you away at your wedding like you wanted even if it was to a vampire, an un-souled one at that.” He took a minute to glare at the bleached blonde menace before engulfing Buffy in a tight embrace. “One step out of line and I will make Angelus look like an amateur.” Giles whispered menacingly over Buffy’s shoulder to Spike who only nodded his head in agreement.

“B-but G-man, you can’t let her stay married to this monster!” Xander’s face puffed up red as he flustered his disapproval, looking to Willow for help but she said nothing to support him. Instead she walked to her best friend and hugged her hard as she tried to convey how sorry she was in just one embrace.

“W-what about Riley? Safe, human Riley…why can’t you…”

“Do shut up Xander! Buffy has, for lack of a better phrase, made her bed and now she must lie in it. While I do not believe this is the most ideal situation, I do believe that it could very well keep my slayer alive longer and I see nothing wrong with that.” Giles sat down heavily on the waiting recliner as he studied the young boy in front of him. So young and so unwilling to see the world for what it was and change with it.

“Thank you Giles. Xander, I’m sorry if you can’t accept this but as far as I’m concerned it’s not changing. I believe that I chose to marry Spike under the spell, not because Willow forced it into being. If that were the case we could have just continued planning the wedding, not run off to Vegas and I-I’m in love with Spike.” Buffy shifted uncomfortably under his gaze for a few moments before she relaxed when she felt Spike’s arm wrap around her shoulders as he shifted closer to her on the couch.

“Sorry Buff but I just can’t accept you throwing your life away to be with this demon.” With that, Xander stormed out of the house and into the night without a single backwards glance.


“Um, Buffy, what are you going to tell Riley? He called earlier to confirm your date for tomorrow night.”

“Tell Soldier-boy to bugger off, Red. The Slayer is currently unavailable to accompany him anywhere, especially alone…without supervision ‘n all that rot. ‘e’s a bloody poofter.” Spike smirked, slouching back into the couch as he studied the blonde next to him for a moment, ignoring the grinning Watcher and fidgeting witch. “Did you jus’ say you loved me?”

Buffy couldn’t have blushed a deeper red before stammering, “Don’t read into it. It just…slipped out. Residual effect from the spell, really I’m sure I’ll be back to hating you in no time…and don’t call Riley a poofter, whatever that is. I can still stake you.”

“’s the same as your precious Angel. Both poofters.” Spike added incredulously as he shifted the girl under his arm closer towards him.

“Having a soul makes someone a ‘poofter’ then?” Buffy replied using air quotes. “Is Giles a poofter?”

Giles grunted in response, muttering about vampires and staking them on the spot rather than taking them in and feeding them because like dogs they always came back for more. Spike laughed at the Watcher’s response and the slayer’s lack of knowledge on British slang words. “’s not what poofter means, luv.”

“Uh, Buffy, what are you going to do about Riley?” Willow finally looked from the front door Xander had walked through back to the blonde couple on the couch.

Buffy shrugged, “I guess I can tell him tomorrow night that I’m married and hope he’s ok with it.”

“Like hell you will! No wife of mine is going to cavort around town.” Spike growled at the young woman beside him. “Tell the wanker you’re married over the telephone. Handy little invention, you may have ‘eard of it, talk in one end ‘n they hear you on the other. No touching involved.”

If he was expecting any specific type of response from her, laughter certainly wasn’t it. Not just her typical girly giggles but full-out roll-on-the-floor-can’t-breathe laughter.

“Y-you’re j-jea-l-lous! Big bad Spikey is jealous that the slayer is going out on a date and he’s stuck at home.”

“If you don’t stop chucklin’ over there, I’ll be going with you ‘n the cub scout on your little date.” She stopped laughing and it was his turn to chuckle. “Knew you wouldn’t like that.”

“Actually it’s a really good idea. If I show up with you, he’ll be convinced I’m not just trying to blow him off…”

“There’ll be no blowin’ of the Cub Scout!” Spike scowled.

“Easy there, tiger. I have absolutely no interest in blowing anything at the moment.” Catching his eye, she mumbled, “except maybe you.”

“Capitol plan, Buffy…and to you as well,” Giles merely motioned towards the vampire. “I do say that I rather prefer you and…him than to another civilian.”

Willow raised her hand politely, “Little problem, Spike can’t go out with you until it’s dark. You’re supposed to meet Riley at four.”

The trio thought about the problem for a moment before Spike snapped his fingers and grinned. “Give me back the Gem ‘f Amara. I’ll look completely human ‘n it’ll keep the soldier boys off my back. Buffy can attest that my ‘eart beats ‘n ‘m not cold with it on.”

Giles swung his head in Buffy’s direction, “Is he correct? I’ve heard that the ring makes its wearer nearly invincible but does it allow him to regain a heartbeat?” At her barely discernible nod, he added. “That’s astonishing.”

“Uh, I really hate to be the bearer of bad news…again but have you told your mom?” Willow blushed nearly as brightly as her hair when the fearsome vampire spared a glance at her.

Buffy blanched. In all her worries about telling Giles and the rest of the Scooby gang, her mother had been the least of her worries.

Spike chortled, “Doesn’t still ‘ave an axe, does she? Maybe we should stick to the story that we met in a band. Still hell on the skins, pet?”

“Still planning on singing for her, Spikey?” Buffy retorted, leaving the other two occupants in the room bewildered.

“Bloody well forgot about that part.” He paused for a moment, “She doesn’t still ‘ave access to an axe, does she? That soddin’ ‘urt the first time.”

“She knows about demons, vampires and the fact that her daughter is the slayer- what do you think?” Buffy raised an eyebrow, carefully awaiting the vampire’s response and nearly giggling off the couch when he threw his head back against the couch and murmured, “Guess I’ll be pickin’ up flowers for the lady ‘n makin’ sure there are plenty of witness’. She was bloody pissed when she thought I was tryin’ to kill you ‘n now she’ll find out I married you instead. ‘ave fun on the honeymoon pet. It’ll be jus’ what we planned- Mr. ‘n Mrs. Big Pile ’f Dust.”

“I’m not exactly worried about mom. She already knows you’re a blood-sucking fiend but dad doesn’t. I mean I know he doesn’t call that much but I don’t think he’s going to like that his eighteen year old daughter is married, without informing him.” Buffy cringed at the thought of telling Hank Summers about anything.
Willow glanced between the blonde couple unable to fathom how relaxed they were in each other’s presence when, by all accounts, they should have been at each others throats. “You really don’t look that old, Spike. Mr. Summers would probably believe you’re a college student with the right paperwork. I mean you do have a birth certificate, right?”

“Course I do, Red. Wouldn’t let me get hitched to the Slayer without it. Right then, so instead of being an evil vampire who wanted to kill her daughter, I’m the suave University chap who wooed ‘is daughter into bed and then the nearest drive-thru chapel. ‘e’s not as handy with an axe as your mum, is ‘e?.”

“No, but he does own a shotgun.”

“Bloody hell! Let’s not tell him ‘n say we did, goldilocks.” Spike pleaded, burrowing his head against her shoulder.

“Please tell me I’m hearing things wrong. Buffy, tell me you didn’t run off and get married this weekend!” Joyce Summers stood in the doorway to Giles’ apartment fuming at overhearing her daughter had married, apparently, the blonde vampire whose head was resting near her neck.

“Uh…hi mom. It’s great to see you too.”

“Don’t you dare ‘hi’ me, young lady. I want answers and I want them right now.” Joyce thundered her way into the room and stared unblinking at the couple on the couch as she blatantly ignored the other people in the room. Her jaw ticked in anger as she stared down the young slayer, who had conveniently cowered behind the vampire.

Spike cleared his throat, “’s not the slayer’s fault mum…Joyce…Mrs. Summers.” He cringed at the thought that a human woman could make him want to crawl into a cavern and never emerge again. ’Least she doesn’t ‘ave an axe with ‘er this time. He quickly glanced around the room for a quick weapons check. Finding that she wasn’t considering any, he sunk deeper into the couch.

“Mom…” Buffy braced herself as the glare switched over to her, “There was a spell involved and…Willow, tell her.”

The redhead blanched, “Uh, she’s uh, Buffy’s right. I-I did a spell but I didn’t tell them to get married! Well, not exactly… They did that all on their own so really it isn’t my fault.” She shrugged at the young blonde who was currently shooting daggers in her direction.

“Willow!” Buffy sputtered as she wrung her hands together, avoiding her mother’s disproving stare.

Joyce paced in front of them, her anger clearly visible as she stalked along the carpet. “I don’t care whose fault it is. The fact of the matter is that my little girl got married to that thing, sorry William, got married to that man and didn’t even think about considering the fact that her mother wanted to be there!” She stopped short. “Where are you two going to live? Surely, Buffy cannot keep living in the dorms and Spike…wherever you’re currently residing.”

Spike pointed at the bemused watcher, “’is bathtub.”

“What?”

“’m currently residin’ in ‘is bathtub. ‘e chains me in ‘very night, won’t even let me watch Passions” The vampire pouted as his mother-in-law turned on the unsuspecting British Watcher.

“You made him sleep in the bathtub?! Could you be anymore heartless?” Joyce fumed, “He’s a poor, helpless man and you made him live in a bathtub. Until you two find a more suitable arrangement, William, you can move into the basement until you can find more suitable living quarters.”

A moment of silence took over the room as its occupants glanced around at one another, surprised at the lack of yelling and screaming they had been expecting.

Giles broke the silence, “Yes, now that we are all clear on the rules of ethical Vampire treatment, may we please get back to the fact that the Gem of Amara would be impossible to procure in the short time we have allotted. I’m rather sure that Angel would not be pleased to hand the ring back to be used on another vampire, especially one he has proclaimed to dislike…”

“Uh…Angel doesn’t exactly have the gem thingy.” Buffy nearly whispered as she ducked her head to the side to avoid her watcher’s astonished gaze.

Willow yelped, “B-but you sent him the gem after you…you didn’t send it, did you?” Her face fell as the slayer’s ducked lower in admission.

“Uh, hello! Angelus with an access pass to humans, day and night, I’m not that stupid. I sent a ring, not the ring.”

Giles wiped furiously at his glasses, “You sent him a ring? What if he had tried to go out into the sunlight with it?”

“It’s Angel. He wouldn’t have used it anyway, it’s too much power and he doesn’t have that much control over Angelus…”

Spike snorted, “One in the same, luv.”

She tilted her head to the side, “Huh?”

“Angel and Angelus, they’re the same bloody thing, luv. The soul just suppresses his desires for violence, makes it harder for ‘im to kill ‘n not feel compassion for ‘imself after.”

Giles paused, “Where exactly is the ring, Buffy?”

Buffy sighed and leaned back against the couch, “It’s safe. That’s all you need to know. I’ll give it to Spike tomorrow before we meet Riley and inform him that unless he wants to date me and my husband…that didn’t sound right.”

Spike smirked, “We’ll tell the poof to bugger off ‘n come back ‘ere.”

Joyce frowned from across the room, “Who is Riley? Do I know him?”

“He’s my date!” Buffy chirped.

“He’s your what?” Joyce asked, astonished and dismayed.

Buffy groaned, “I sort of have a date set up with him for tomorrow night.”

“Buffy!”

The slayer groaned before replying, “I wasn’t married then!”

Spike chuckled, “’s not ‘er fault. Married ‘er after she had set up the date with the overgrown cub scout but we’re rectifyin’ that tomorrow.”

Joyce thought it over for a moment and although she was nowhere near pleased her only daughter was married, and married to a vampire-man thing, she was pacified by the fact that her daughter wouldn’t be dating another man on top of it. “You do realize that you are going to have to tell your father, right?”

The room gave a collective groan.

“Do I gotta?” Buffy dropped her head onto Spike’s shoulder as she avoided her mother’s burgeoning grin. “Can’t you just tell him?”

“Absolutely not. I’m not the one who decided to run off to Vegas to get married.” Joyce grinned as Buffy groaned even louder.

“Can’t I just leave him a message?”

Joyce chuckled, “Do what you wish but just remember that he’ll probably drive out here to meet his new son-in-law.”

Giles handed Buffy the telephone as the others gathered around to listen to the message she was mentally preparing.

Quickly dialing the seven numbers, she waited as the phone rang and rang until, finally, the answering machine picked up. “Uh, hey dad, um, I just wanted to let you know that something big sort of happened…Igotmarried. Bye.” She slammed the phone down with a clang and turned back to her mother. “Happy?”

Joyce replied sardonically, “Ecstatic. Are you going back to the dorms tonight or coming home?”

The blonde couple glanced at each other briefly before answering together, “Home.”