Summary: set in season 6. Buffy is back from the dead and talking to Spike. She has problems and tries to figure out why. Warning: Deals with issue of suicide.
Categories: General Fics Characters: None
Genres: Angst
Warnings: Adult Language
Challenges: Series: None
Chapters: 7
Completed: No
Word count: 7404
Read: 8547
Published: 08/03/2004
Updated: 01/30/2005
1. No Idea Who I Am by Jordy
2. Chapter 2 by Jordy
3. Chapter 3 by Jordy
4. Chapter Four by Jordy
5. Chapter Five by Jordy
6. Chapter Six by Jordy
7. Chapter Seven by Jordy
No Idea Who I Am by Jordy
She had scars. Running lengthwise up her arms, just below her wrists. They were from the time just after. Heaven was nice; she had wanted to go back. Buffy had tried it a few times, it never kept. The healing kept getting in her way. Even when she had sat in the tub, it hadn't kept the wounds closed. She had finally been driven to patrol once more, she'd take on things that she probably shouldn't have. It never seemed to go like she wanted it to. It seemed more often than not, the slayer inside didn't want to end it all just yet. Spike helped on a few occasions, but he wasn't around as much as he had been in the stalker days. Buffy didn't know what to think about that. She had started going to talk to him after the fifth attempt at each hadn't worked. She like the dark of his crypt. It held her; it soothed her like the outside didn't. It seemed safe. Odd, yes, but true.
She stopped the frequency of the attempts after spending a month off and on there. He never commented on it. Spike knew though. He sensed a partial death wish. He also sensed the need to find herself once more.
She had never had her own identity. She still didn't. Spike didn't know if she ever would find her own identity. She had played parts since the moment he met her. Probably since before then.
She didn't know who she was and she never had the time to figure it out. Buffy was numerous things, but she wasn't her. Everyone had an image of who she was to them. She didn't. She knew Spike's image was the closest to something that she could see of herself. It was the closest to the current true picture. It had good and bad. It had the beauty and the ugly. Right now all she could see was the ugly. All the others could see was the good.
"I don't know who I am." It was the truth, it was all she knew.
"You should find out. Do whatever it takes." He replied. Spike knew this moment was coming from the moment she was brought back. He knew she hadn't been in hell. Someone doesn't act like that if they had been saved.
"What about the others?"
"Tell them."
"How? How do I tell them I'm abandoning them to do this?"
"You're not though. You're doing something that needs to be done. Something that they've all had some chance at doing. It's your turn."
"What about Dawn? What about my duty?"
"There are others that can help." Spike simply stated. He didn't want to make her feel like she was useless, but she didn't have to do it all herself. She needed to know she could make her own decisions about her life. She could do this. He would help in any way he could, hopefully without influencing her in any way. He still loved her. He always would, but if she didn't know herself, she'd never be happy. He only asked that she be happy.
Buffy returned to Revello Drive that night to an empty house. She began making plans. looking at places she wanted to go, things she wanted to do. The problem was when she realized she didn't have even the money to do these things. This realization brought on the thought that even if she had the money to take this time away, she would need to use it to pay the outstanding and upcoming bills on the house. It was a dead end. False hope was created once more.
She headed to the bathroom with her map. She sat it infront of her. Laid on the floor were dreams she had harboured for years. Ones she knew would never be realized. Buffy had been denied her happiness once again. She took out the dagger she had received years ago, this is what it was used for. Deep cuts opened up the scars that were never going to heal if she didn't stop this ritual soon.
*Drip*Drip*Drip* Buffy watched three drops of her crimson blood fall to the map before being slowly absorbed. The cut began to scab over. "Arrrrgggggghhhhh." She screamed, throwing her dagger against the mirror, causing a spider web of cracks.
"Buffy, are you okay?" Dawn burst into the room. She had arrive home just ten minutes ago and her sister had once again shut herself into the bathroom. Her sister stood there with red wrists. Dawn knew it was blood. "What did you do?" She was scared. Buffy had just been brought back, she wasn't happy, but Dawn needed her. The teenager looked at the blood, the knife, the mirror and the map. She looked at her sister, trying to understand what was going on.
"I'm sorry Dawnie." Buffy actually looked contrite. She knew Spike knew. She didn't mind that he knew. But now Dawn knew, and that seemed bad.
"Were you..." Dawn didn't... she couldn't finish the sentence. No one wanted to stay with her. Everyone she cared about left her. She'd just gotten her sister back and she was wanting leaving again. Both Summers girls knew the ending of the sentence anyway.
"Yeah." Buffy nodded. "It hasn't worked yet."
"You're a coward." Dawn stated before running out of the room. She nearly fell down the stairs in her haste to leave the house. She just ran. She couldn't stop. Stopping would mean she would have to face her sister. Stopping would let the tears have time to form.
Her lungs were burning and her muscles were protesting the constant strain. She was in front of Spike's crypt when she collapsed against the door. It was opened quickly pulling her inside.
"What are you doing here? It's past sunset, any number of baddies could have gotten you."
"She.... She...." Dawn gasped, trying to get what she saw out. She needed to tell him. Spike would help her figure out what to do. He had to.
***
Dawn was currently sitting in Spike's easy chair, drinking some hot cocoa. "I found her there, with a knife. She doesn't want to be here Spike. She doesn't want to be here for me. What's wrong with me?"
"Bit, that's not it." Spike sat in front of her. "She's been through something traumatic."
The door opened and Buffy came into the crypt in a panic. She needed to find Dawn. Spike would help her, he had to. She stopped as Dawn asked Spike those questions. He was answering her as honestly as he would be able to. He had one sister's confidence and he couldn't betray that.
"It's not the first time Dawnie." Buffy spoke for the first time since entering the crypt. "And it's not you." She took a seat next to Spike.
Buffy pulled her sleeves up and showed Dawn the cuts that she had been making. She was done lying to her sister and if she was going to do what Spike had suggested, she would need the support.
"Why?" Dawn asked in such a small voice. She knew that right now she had to put her own feelings aside, but she still needed to know what was going through Buffy's head.
"I was in heaven. They pulled me out of there and abandoned me here. I didn't mean to hurt you. That's not what I wanted." There were tears streaming down both girls' cheeks. Spike stood, leaving them to talk. He would begin this part of his new job tonight. Tomorrow he'd put the next stages into the works.
***
Buffy smiled slightly as Spike returned. Dawn was asleep, resting on her shoulder.
"Know where you're going to go?" He asked softly hanging his duster on the makeshift coatrack.
"I can't." Buffy shook her head. "There's Dawn and the house and the bills and I need money to go if that's what I do." Buffy wiped the single, lingering tear. "I can't Spike."
"Sell the house." Dawn spoke, startling her sister who thought she was asleep.
"What?"
"It would cover the expenses here, and get you at least started on your journey, you may have to work some depending on where you go, but that could be half the fun."
"What about you?" Buffy asked.
"Spike'll take care of me." Dawn stated confidently.
"Yeah Bit." Spike nodded. He knew Buffy wouldn't want that situation to occur, so he looked to see her reaction.
She was shocked he would do that for them, for her. She knew she shouldn't be, but was. "You would do that? How? She needs food and a real place to live and..."
"Buffy, it's fine, I'll take care of her." Spike reassured her, telling her he would make sure Dawn had as normal a life as he would be able to give her.
***
The house was put up for sale, the remaining Scoobies still out of the loop didn't understand how Buffy could do this. She refused to explain anything. Dawn was similarly tight lipped about the decision.
Willow and Xander were appauled that Buffy would do what she was doing. Neither could see why she needed to do this. Anya didn't seem to have much of an opinion one way or another other than wondering who would be taking care of the slaying while she went off on her little vacation.
Spike was critisized for offering to take over. The comments involved how could a vampire replace a slayer. How did he make Buffy think he could be trusted with this. They never really bothered to consider why Buffy needed to leave. Nor did they consider what would happen to Dawn.
Willow packed her things the day after Buffy had made her announcement. Her already strained relationship with Tara was further affected by the quiet woman refusing to leave so quickly, to support her girlfriend. They broke up that night.
***
An amazing offer was placed on the house a week after it was put up for sale. The girls took it, knowing it was so much more than the property was worth, but knew that nothing better would be offered on the house.
Tara helped the girls pack up their mother's house. She was sad everything was ending on such a harsh note between the group of friends. She had noticed in the past week being here without the others that the slayer was changing already. She wasn't completely back to normal, but Tara didn't believe Buffy would be normal ever again.
"Buffy, what's going to happen to Dawn?" Tara asked as the two women prepared dinner. Tara was really the one preparing the meal, Buffy was helping where she could.
"Oh, um..." She was nervous, no one had asked her, and in truth, all she knew was that Spike was taking care of it.
"I'm taking care of it." Spike replied as he entered the kitchen. He had promised Dawn he would be over to help with her school work that night. He must be early if they hadn't eaten yet.
"Well, I'm here if you need any help." Tara smiled. The offer was genuine and free of any judgements, Spike knew that and he was greatful.
Buffy had decided to put the furniture in storage. Buffy told Dawn she could use whatever she wanted to for the new place with Spike, which both sisters had yet to see. Tara had made some suggestions for Buffy's trip, tours that she had heard were good. The time to leave was closely approaching. A meeting was scheduled at the house to discuss the situation with social services. The story was Spike was a family friend and would be taking over Dawn's guardianship for the remaining time she was a minor. None of them knew how long Buffy would be gone.
The whole group was amazed at Spike that day. He dressed conservatively in a pair of dress pants with a cotton button down. He showed credentials as well as all necessary documentation he needed to prove he wouldn't have to abandon the girl due to immigration problems. Spike seemed a good candidate for the job. The social worker seemed pleased the young woman knew she couldn't take care of her sister, also glad that someone the minor trusted and knew would take the responsibilities on. She had seen too many young people slip away because they had no one to provide them with their basic needs.
It was another week before a lawyer met with Buffy to finalize all the arrangements for the house. She would be leaving the next day, Spike promised her Dawn would remain at Revello until their place was ready. He presented Buffy with a cell phone. She needed that connection to Dawn at anytime. Spike knew that and had been considerate enough to have thought of that.
Spike, Dawn, and Tara were with Buffy at the airport. Willow and Xander had refused to see their friend off while Anya had bid her good-bye and good journey on the phone.
The sisters were more than a bit teary eyed as they said their good-byes. Tara spoke softly as she took her turn to wish the slayer luck and a safe journey.
"I'm sorry, I should have known better. I hope you find what you're looking for. We'll be here when you're ready." Tara hugged Buffy, feeling she had got to know Buffy better in the last two weeks than she had ever known her.
It was Spike's turn. Tara took Dawn over the the newstand to allow the supernatural beings to have a moment of privacy.
"Make sure you watch your back." Spike grinned picking up her bag. They walked closer to the gate. "I won't be there to."
"Make sure you watch yours." Buffy retorted. "Thank you." She stood on her tip toes and kissed the side of his mouth. "Take care of Tara too."
"I promise. The other still stands."
"I'll see you again." Buffy hugged him one last time. She motioned for their two observers. They each received a hug and stood watching as the slayer left the hellmouth.
***
The group walked back to Revello. Dawn was quiet, knowing she would be leaving her mother's home the next night. Tara walked beside her knowing her 'family' had been changed. It would never be the same.
Inside Spike, William was mourning the loss of his love. Spike himself, the demon, knew she needed this. She would have given into the death wish completely if she didn't get away soon. He observed his companions, knowing Dawn was feeling quite abandoned. The Scoobies were basically no more. The gang had been broken on very harsh lines. She was being uprooted from everything she knew. He couldn't wait until he could show her their place, Tara too. He had made the decision during the week that she would be staying with them. She had supported Buffy's decisions and helped them when they needed it. She knew where Buffy had been, knew it was a mistake to have done what Willow had planned without further research.
"So, I have a question for you ladies. Tara I know you've got a place, but I think we'd both like it if you considered rooming with us. Right Dawn?" He saw the smile shine through his Bit's face. He hadn't seen that smile in quite a while.
"Would you?" Dawn pleaded. She didn't want to lose Tara too.
"I'll have to see the place. I don't want us all to be stepping on each other's toes." Tara replied. She didn't want to be alone either.
"Let's go check it out then." Spike opened the doors to the Desoto for the two girls. He ran around the car and got into the driver's side. "No peaking now."
"The windows are painted black, how exactly would we be able to do that." Dawn rolled her eyes. They did as he asked though.
The drive was not that long. The car stopped and Spike led each woman out of the car. "Okay, here we are. Open your eyes."
Dawn was more than a little confused and looked to both adults. Spike was grinning like an idiot. Tara had a small smile on her face.
"Let's go inside." The vampire was practically bouncing on his heels.
Dawn stepped in first and saw everything back in it's rightful place. All the furniture was back, everything was just how it was before they had made the decision to sell. "You bought it didn't you?"
"It's your house." He smiled. "Couldn't let you and Buffy have no where to go."
"Thank you Spike." Dawn launched herself into Spike's arms. They discussed the new living arrangements before retiring for the night.
A/N: I know it's a short chapter, but as the story gets further along the chapters will be longer. Reviews are much appreciated. Also as for the interactions with the social worker. I am not an expert in family services, I don't claim to be, it just needs to be done this way for the context of the story.
Living with humans was a definite adjustment. Living with two human females was an even bigger change.
Spike had gotten used to living on his own. He had experience taking care of others, but taking care of Druscilla was not like taking care of Dawn. First off, she was a living, breathing teenager. There was the human aspect, mood swings, sunlight, and regular teenage problems. Spike was greatful for Tara. She had agreed to move in. She brought her own issues as well.
There was also the constant interactions with the former Scoobies, they severely dislike the situation. Their first issue was with Buffy leaving Dawn, next came the fact that Buffy left Spike in charge. They were even more furious that Tara was supporting the whole thing rather than her ex-girlfriend.
The situations at the house were worked through. Willow and Xander issues were not so easily swayed. They had often had a social worker over to the house. That lasted for as long as it took for the social workers to realize there was some problems between the group. They only made visits at their discretion from that point on.
***
Over time, Xander and Willow slowly realized they wouldn't be changing the situation themselves. It was time to call in the big guns.
Giles arrived at the Sunnydale airport three months after Buffy had left. He came to humor the children.
After checking into a hotel, Giles made his way to the Magic Box. He knew Anya was the only one there. She was the most blunt and honest of the group. He would get the real reason he was here from her.
"Giles, when did you arrive?" She asked looking up from the morning receipts.
"Just this morning, I checked into the hotel and made my way here."
"Well, Willow and Xander aren't here. Willow's at school, probably trying to get Tara to pay attention to her, and Xander is working."
"Would you mind telling me why I'm here? What was so urgent that they needed me here as soon as possible?" Giles asked, not beating around the bush.
"You know Buffy left right?" Anya began, she continued without waiting to hear his answer. "Well, Spike took over for her. With the slaying and with Dawn. Well, Xander and Willow seem to think she was wrong for doing this. That Spike is still evil and that Dawn isn't safe with him. Oh, and then there's the whole Tara thing."
Giles tuned Anya out as she continued to ramble. He knew most of this, save the Tara situation. He couldn't understand it though. He tuned back into the shopkeeper as she continued the story.
"So they are in the old house again. And that just seemed to piss Willow and Xander off more. She sold the damn thing, what did she expect Spike to do. Just let the house go. It probably means more to him than it did to either of them."
"Excuse me? What's this about the house?" Giles asked, this was new information.
"Spike bought the house on Revello. I figured they would have told you the whole story what with making you travel across the ocean." Anya rolled her eyes, it was becoming clearer that maybe Xander was in the wrong here. Willow definitely was, but she'd had to support Xander until she knew he was wrong.
"How exactly can Spike afford the house?" Giles asked, remembering all the times the vampire had stolen things and asked for money.
***
"Spike, can you check this over?" Dawn asked as she headed into the kitchen. Spike was busy making dinner and ordered her to stir the sauce while he checked the homework. The phone rang and Dawn made a grab for it.
"No, keep stirring, I got it." He made a note of a spelling mistake. "Hello?"
"Spike, hey, is Dawn around?"
"Yeah luv, she's right here." Spike grinned. He set the homework down, took the spoon from Dawn, and handed her the phone.
"Hello?" The teenager looked at Spike quizically.
"Dawnie?"
"Buffy?" Dawn squealed, hugging Spike before going off to talk to her sister.
***
"What's with Dawn?" Tara asked walking into the kitchen. She'd just gotten home from school.
"Buffy." He simply replied.
"The first time she's called hey."
"No, she called a week ago." Spike replied. "I talked to her, she's in Europe, went to see the Watcher actually. She wanted to wait a bit before talking to Dawn."
Tara simply nodded, "so what's for dinner?"
"Nibblet's pick tonight, pasta."
***
"She wants to talk to you." Dawn bounced back into the kitchen, handing the phone to Tara. She grabbed the plates and began setting the table.
The conversation was light, mainly small talk. Tara could feel that Buffy was starting something very interesting. Something that would be good for her.
She passed the phone to Spike while she got serving bowls out and ready for the meal.
"Where are you now?"
"Italy." Buffy grinned. "It's gorgeous."
"It is." Spike agreed.
"Dawn told me about the house. You shouldn't have."
"Hey, I like this place, it's mine now." Spike defended his position.
"I know." She responded shyly. "Are the others around?"
"No, they're setting the table. What's up?"
"Giles should be there tonight. He didn't know about the house either, cause I didn't know until today, so I couldn't tell him while I was there, and ..."
"You're rambling." Spike smiled, he could see the blush that would stain her cheeks.
"Right, well, he'll probably be by to see you after seeing the gang."
"Thanks for the heads up, he just pulled up." Spike covered the mouth piece of the phone, "Dawn, set another place, the Watcher's here."
"Thank you for this Spike."
"No need luv. I better go, got a dinner to serve."
"I'll call again, talk some more."
"Have a good time luv, and say hello to your friend."
"How?" Buffy asked completely confused.
"Vampire hearing pet. Watch your back remember."
"You watch yours." The call disconnected. Spike returned to his newly domestic role. Buffy returned to her 'friend' who spoke very little English.
A/N: Thanks to those who have reviewed. Make my day. The food that feeds the imagination, so all are muchly appreciated.
A/N: First, I'd like to thank everyone that has reviewed. It is always nice to know the work is appreciated.
Second, this is a warning, there is mention of Buffy/Other this chapter, nothing graphic, but still a warning. Just remember it is a Spuffy story eventually.
Spike left Tara in charge of the pasta as he went to greet Giles.
"Spike," Giles nodded, waiting to be invited into the home.
"Come on in Watcher, Buffy said to expect you. We're just sitting down to dinner if you'd care to join us."
"Yes, thank you." Giles was stunned at the vampire's behaviour.
Dinner was made with small talk. Dawn held most of the conversation, babbling about school, boys, and her new part-time job. She was working for Anya stocking shelves. She worked after school and had to contend with Xander and Willow, but for the most part she simply ignored them and Anya kept her busy working, no time for socializing when there was money to be made.
Dawn and Tara went to the living room to finish their school work. Spike cleaned up the table and dishes while Giles prepared them some tea.
"So, tell me," Giles began, getting two mugs down. "Why?"
"What do you mean?" Spike asked, trying miserably to act innocent.
"You know what I bloody mean, so tell me what I want to know."
"I don't think it's a good idea to speak to me like that in my own home Watcher."
"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to understand."
"What's to understand?" Spike asked. "I love them. It's hard not to. I wanted to make sure they had a home. Dawn needs stability, she's had so much go wrong. Buffy will need a place to live when she ever returns. I don't need this, I was content in my crypt. Somebody had to take care of them though. They like to think they're adults, but not one of them is really ready. I'm not molly-coddling. I don't do that. Dawn needed a parent, and the Slayer can't take care of it all. She was dead, happily finished her existence in heaven with her mum. She was done and to be brought back here, shoved back into it all. It's a hell of a lot of responsibility for one person. Especially when her supposed friends dump it all back on her. And she's too young herself to have to raise a teenager alone."
"She spoke with me about most of that. It was too much. I am as much responsible as the others." Giles nodded. "What I want to know is why and how?"
"I like this house. It's belonged to Joyce." Spike replied. "And the money, how can I afford this, the house, taking care of Dawn, basically financing Buffy's trip?"
"Yes?"
"What do you think? I'm over a hundred and twenty years old. You don't think I own some property, have investments, bank accounts all over the world? I may live meagerly, but I don't have to."
"So all the money you'd asked for and stolen was what exactly?" Giles asked.
"I was evil, what did you expect me to do?" Spike rolled his eyes.
"Spike?" Dawn called. "I have some questions." Dawn plopped down on the island beside him.
***
Giles decided to remain in Sunnydale for a few weeks. He wanted to witness the interactions of the group.
Dawn and Anya seemed to work well together. The teenager became quiet and focused only on her work as the others showed up. She took her dinner break across the street with a boy from school. They worked on their homework together.
Giles spoke with the social workers about Dawn's progress. He witnessed the changes in her when he visited the house and the Magic Box. He could tell Anya was becoming increasingly annoyed at her fiance. Tara was happy in her home. Spike kept the demon population in check.
Giles saw the amazing job that Spike was doing here in Sunnydale. He was going to be leaving after having a serious talk with Willow and Xander. He really hoped they would realize their mistakes.
***
As Buffy traveled through Europe she enjoyed many things each local culture had to offer. She wrote home plenty of times, calling more often to know what was going on there. She missed home though, at least certain aspects of it. There was a different reason she loved each place she visited. That reason usually made her feel something. Something that put a spark back inside. She finally had her chance to discover things about who she was on her own. She was beginning to like who she was meeting.
There were still the moments of doubt. The moments of loathing. Moments where she almost picked up the nearest sharp object and reopened old wounds. In those moments she called home, knowing that talking to him would clear things for her. It often did, but she would be loathe to call him unless she was alone. She wasn't always. Buffy knew it hurt him to know she was with others. That she wasn't his.
***
Spike knew she thought he was hurting when she called and she wasn't alone. He was hurt, but it he knew she would never be his, not really. He'd accepted that, he wanted her happy. He wanted her whole again. If others helped her along the way, he knew she needed them.
***
"It has to stop." Willow shouted as she entered the magic box. Dawn and Anya looked up from their inventory count and rolled their eyes. They went back to their work.
"She needs to be back here. She needs to never have left. Then everything would be normal."
"No one here wants to listen to your crap Willow." Anya blurted. She moved onto the next shelf, motioning Dawn to follow.
"What?"
"We're tired of it." Dawn replied. "Even Giles knows it's going good. I know he told you to quit it. It's not like Buffy's never been gone before."
"She doesn't need to be." Willow protested.
"Yes, she does. She can't take care of me Willow, she hasn't grown up yet. Neither have you." Dawn spat. "Anya, I'm going for my break now."
A/N: Thanks for all the lovely reviews, keep them coming. Once more, there is mention of Buffy/Other, just have faith that it will be Spuffy.
"How can you not support Xander?" Willow demanded. She didn't like the fact that fewer people were seeing their point of view.
"It's not about that." Anya shook her head. "I realize that our decisions are not what matters here. We ripped her out of paradise. Basically sentenced her to hell. She needs to find reasons not to give into her death wish."
"Her what?" Willow's face showed her confusion.
"Why do you think Slayers always die so young?" Anya scoffed. She went back to the counter, putting the inventory aside until Dawn returned. The younger Scooby had become a great help. By doing all the menial tasks, she allowed Anya to concentrate on sales.
***
"Giles, I need a favor." Buffy spoke into the phone. She'd been gone several months now. It was March already.
"What is it Buffy?" He asked, sipping his tea.
"I want to go back to school. I have the money, so it's not about that. I just need to give them your address. I don't have a permanent one right now and I'd like it to be a surprise for Dawnie if I get in. If I don't, I would rather not disappoint her."
"Of course. That's all you needed?" He asked, knowing she needed to discuss something more. They had been having several indepth conversation since she had left Sunnydale. Buffy began telling him things he had never known. She shared the pain of her return with him. He had no idea if she was truely in heaven, but it was her paradise.
"Today, yes, that's it. Thank you." The rest of the conversation consisted of the usual small talk. Where was she? What was she going to do while there?, etc.
***
"Come on Spike, we're going to be late." Dawn called up the stairs.
"Hey, we explained about my condition. They agreed to do this on my time table." Spike stated walking up the basement stairs.
"Yeah, and the sun set fifteen minutes ago. Hurry up. I don't want to be taken away."
"They won't. Geez girl, they have no reason to." Spike hugged her knowing she was scared of being forcibly taken from her family. Even if neither of the residents of Revello Drive shared her blood.
They were meeting with their social worker and Dawn's teachers. Neither knew what the meeting was about and both were worried. Spike knew he would never let anyone take Dawn, but somethings he may not be able to stop.
The meeting was held up longer than Dawn and Spike's arrival. Her social worker had been called on an emergency. The teachers, the vampire, and they key sat waiting. The time passed in awkward small talk. No one wanted to start without the last member of the group.
When he finally arrived, they began the meeting.
***
Tara was waiting when they got home. She had hot chocolate waiting for them, complete with mini marshmallows.
"How did it go?"
"You want to tell her or should I, Bit?" Spike asked.
"We don't have to worry about them anymore. No more surprise visits, no super close watching. We're safe." Dawn grinned, jumping around the kitchen.
"That's great." Tara grinned, looking to Spike for more of an explanation.
"Her grades are up, she's been attending every class, not hanging out with Janice so much. That I think is the biggest improvement. Her sticky fingers were stopped before anything too horrible happened. Her home life is a stable and nurturing environment." Spike rolled his eyes, he looked about ready to puke from the words. It made him sound not at all like the Big Bad. He hated it, but he wouldn't trade it for anything.
"Done your homework?" He asked his charge.
"Yes Spike." Dawn rolled her eyes. "Um, since it was good news, I was hoping I could go out tonight."
Spike shook his head. "It's late already Dawn and..."
"It's just to the movies with Amanda and Cassie, they want a chick flick night."
"And it's late and there are any number of nasties out there."
"How about we go pick up your friends and some movies and veg out here?" Tara suggested, knowing Spike wouldn't let her out after dark on her own. She also knew Dawn had earned a movie/friends night.
"Would that be okay, and since there isn't school tomorrow, could we make it a slumber party?"
Spike actually looked scared now. He was fearing for his sanity. He may have lived with an honest to god nut case, but dealing with three teenage girls would send him over the edge. "Only on a few conditions."
Dawn grinned and hugged Tara. "Thanks." She whispered.
***
The phone rang as Spike sat on his bed. He was locked in the basement and wouldn't be leaving until they were all gone home. Two friends had quickly turned into five. He ignored it, figuring it was for one of the girls upstairs. He shuddered to think what they were plotting up there.
Tara knocked softly on his door, entering after he had given her permission. She had the cordless in her hands, "Buffy, for you." She smiled handing him the phone.
"Hello luv?"
"Spike." She spoke, the pain evident in her voice. "He left."
"What happened?" Spike relaxed back onto his bed knowing this would be a long conversation.
"Joshua, he left me." Buffy cried. "He had another girlfriend and a wife."
"That bastard." Spike was outraged. He may be a vampire, but at least he was monogomous when he was in a relationship. "What a bloody moron. I should rip his thought out. Or better yet, make him come here and be subjected to the hell that's upstairs."
That earned a laugh. "I heard about the sleepover." She giggled.
"There's the girl I know." He smiled. "Now tell me what you've discovered this week." It had become a ritual to discuss things she'd found that were pretty good reasons to stick around.
"Not men that's for sure." Buffy scowled.
"On be half of my gender, hey."
A/N: I know it's been a long time since I updated, won't go into the excuses. Sorry for the delay.
Nearly a year had passed since Buffy left. Xander and Anya had put off the wedding. The Buffy situation had thrown their relationship for a loop. They didn't agree and it was a big issue for them not to agree on. Willow left Sunnydale. She had gotten too far into the magics. They began ruling her life. When she had tried to make things change to her liking, Tara was hurt. She knew it was wrong, all of it. Giles returned, he took her to a coven. She needed to learn what she had done. What she was capable of and how to control what was inside her.
Willow had been gone for three months. She was staying in England, with Giles. He was out riding one morning when the letter arrived. It was addressed to Buffy. It was from Sunnydale. Willow sat and waited for Giles to return. She had expected him to be alone, he wasn't.
***
Tara walked in the door to Revello, she was so happy to be back here. After two months in the hospital it was such a joy to be able to come home and be surrounded by the comfort this place provided.
Willow had gotten horribly embroiled in the dark magics. She had begun spells to change the things that had happened. She wanted to make things right. The first thing she wanted to change was Buffy being gone. She was in the middle of the spell when Tara had walked in. From there it went down hill. Tara had tried to stop her ex, but Willow fought back. When Tara was lying on the floor, blood pooling around her, Willow finally realized what she was doing.
There was little if any chance they would work things through this time.
"What's wrong pet?" Spike asked as he walked down the hall to greet her. He had been so good to her since close to the beginning of her relationship with Willow. It had changed when Buffy had died and came back, especially knowing she had played a part in taking her happiness away. They were outsiders, Dawn, Spike, and her. They had banded together then, and through the year living together.
He had been especially attentive to her since the incident with Willow. Taking care of her while in the hospital and ever since she came home. He was family. "I'm okay, just tired is all. Finals are over now though. It's been tough, with missing the classes. Thanks for the help with that by the way."
"I lived it, no sense in you not using the knowledge." Spike helped her to the couch, she was still shaky on her feet. "Sit, I'll make you some tea." They had shared so much in the past year. Spike would protect her like he would any of the people he cared about. He had felt guilty when Willow had hurt her. He was supposed to protect her too. He'd promised. It had taken a long while before he knew that he couldn't have helped her.
***
"Hey Willow." Buffy smiled as she put her bags down on the floor. Neither woman made a move towards the other. Giles stepped around Buffy and headed to the stove, readying the kettle. "It's been a while. I heard what happened. How's the training?"
"Good." Willow's demeanor was cold. She knew she was wrong, it still hurt that her old friend hadn't come to her for the help she needed.
"Good, that's good." Buffy stated ackwardly. She didn't know what to say to Willow. They hadn't really talked in so long. Not like her communications with the others. "Oh," Buffy reached for her letter finally noticing it for the first time.
***
"He knew didn't he, before he arrived in Sunnydale, he knew." Willow asked from the doorway. She had stopped to watch Buffy unpack. The Slayer seemed happier, more grounded than she had since before her death, before Joyce's death even.
"I came here." Buffy shrugged, not feeling the need to explain her choices, they were hers. "I told him."
"Why couldn't you have told me?" Willow came into the room, sitting on the bed beside Buffy's suitcase.
"Because I couldn't." Buffy replied.
"But why?" Willow whined.
"This is why." Buffy replied. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm a bit jet lagged." Buffy motioned to the door, holding it open for her to leave.
***
The scars were minimal, but she could still see them. They were a reminder, of what she'd done, and where she was now. She rolled over in bed. Looking to the nightstand, she contemplated the unopened envelope propped against her lamp. It was time to see where she'd end up.
***
Tara had slept most of the afternoon. She felt rested, it was a blessing. Her sleep had been troubled since returning home.
"What do we have on the agenda tonight?" She asked as she entered the kitchen.
"I'm working, Anya wants to get ready for the sale tomorrow." Dawn replied.
"I'm patrolling." Spike replied. "I'll be by to pick you up at nine bit, don't care if you're not done, you have school work."
***
"Hello?" Tara asked when she answered the phone.
"Tara hey, how are you?" Buffy asked.
"I'm good. Got a good nap in this afternoon."
"That's good to hear. Sleep is number five." Buffy had shared her list with Tara on one of their many conversations.
"What were the first four again?"
"Family, food, love, and sex. But not necessarily in that order." Buffy smiled as Tara giggled. It was a good sound. She hadn't heard it in too long a time. "Are the others around?"
"No, Spike's taking Dawn to work and then he'll be patrolling."
"Good. There's something I wanted to tell you, and it's a surprise for them." Buffy began explaining herself to Tara.
~~~~
As always reviews are appreciated. Thanks, Jordy
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.