Disclaimer: So here’s how it goes. I went up to my friend Joss Whendon the other day, when they were secretly shooting another show, and asked him if I could borrow James Marsters so I could play with him for a little while and he said I will do no such thing. So I left and came back the next day and asked him again if I could have James Martsers to do anything I like with, and he said no. So when I left and came back the next day and asked him the same question again he said, “The only way I’ll let you have James Marsters, ESPICALLY JAMES MARSTERS is if we start world war 3. So I left and came back the next day, this time with a paper in my hand. When I reached where Joss was with the whole cast they were eating their lunch wondering why I’ve been coming by so much, when I walked straight over to Joss and handed them the paper that I had been holding in my hands. “What’s this?” He asked. “Oh nothing much” I said, “Just sign on the dotted line. It simply states that you have agreed to start world war 3 in exchange for James Marsters.” He finally gave up and told James to get up and take the rest of the week off and he’d give him a 15 million dollar raise. So naturally James got up and left, not one to pass up such an opportunity. So we had the best week of our lives, but then I had to give him back. The day after James returned to work I showed up to talk to Joss once again and the cast was their eating lunches. “See joss,” I said to him, “It wasn’t that bad giving me what I wanted now was it?” I laughed a he rolled his eyes at me. “Oh and by the way,” I said, just as I was about to leave the room and head back to my car, “I’ll be back with plans for world war 3 tomorrow.” “SOME ONE ESCORT THAT WOMAN FROM THE BUILDING AND MAKE SURE SHE NEVER COMES BACK!!!!!!” (P.S. I also don’t own any of the other Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel the Series Characters.)

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Dawn Summers kissed her date, Ricky, on the cheek before walking up the steps to her house and locking the door behind her. As she started heading up to her room, she heard a muffled crying noise, seemingly coming from her sister’s bedroom. Dawn ran up the rest of the steps and banged softly on the door to her sisters room when she reached it.

“Buffy?” Dawn hollered though the door. When more crying was her only response, Dawn knocked again. “Buffy? Are you in there? Are you ok? BUFFY!!”

This time she heard a faint, “Dawn?” Sounding from the other side of the wooden door.

Dawn breathed a sigh of relief. “Buffy? Can I come in?” Without waiting for an answer, she turned the doorknob to find that it was unlocked, which she was also grateful for.

What Dawn saw on the other side of the door made her want to ball hers eyes out with just one glance. There, lying on her side of the little bed was Buffy. Her knees curled up into the fetal position, her arms around her knees.

Dawn immediately ran over to her sister and sat at the end of the bed. Once she was seated, she worked on getting Buffy up as well, pulling her hands from underneath her kneecaps, and then tugging at them gently but firmly to get her to sit up with her, one knee still bent and under her bottom.

It was a full moon out tonight and the light from the moon cast an over glow on Buffy’s shadowed features. Her eyes puffy from crying, and her skin was almost clammy. Her left cheek was red from where she had rubbed it against her pillow harshly, and her hair felt like she had poured a bucket of grease on it from all the sweat that had dried up into it. Her eyes were also rimmed red and bloodshot from all her crying.

Dawn took one strand of sweat-induced hair and pushed it behind her ear gently, trying to sooth her older sister. “Buffy, what happened?”

“He did it again.” Was all she said, her voice rough from the crying.

Dawn didn’t need to ask what she was talking about. Come to think of it, she considered herself a fool for even having to ask what was wrong with her sister. There was only one thing that could put Buffy in this state of distress. Only one person. Only one thing that said person did. Spike had gotten drunk, he was stoned, and had over dosed. In other words, he was with his “friends” when he had passed out and now they were waiting to see if he would wake up at all again.

“How bad is it?” Dawn asked, concerned and angry at the bleached blonde who always got into the wrong things and hurt himself and her sister.

“I don’t know. They won’t tell me anything, so I’m thinking pretty bad.” By this time, all of Buffys tears had dried up and she was now simply looking down at the comforter that was on her bed and picking at the small pieces of fuzz she found randomly.

William, A.K.A. Spike, Harris, wasn’t a bad kid. He had moved to Sunnydale to live with his mother and his stepbrother after his own father died in England. Xander had quickly accepted the brother he’d never met before, and had immediately introduced him to all his friends. They had all seemed to open him with open arms and he had become a part of their little gang weather fast. One blonde girl in particular had caught his eye, and up until the present day, him and Buffy Summers had been best friends. Going from puberty, to crushes, to first boyfriends and girlfriends, then to first break ups. They had conquered bad hair days, to teachers that gave bad grades with bad breath to match, and then to choices of proper clothing for all occasions.

But there was one thing the pair could not face. And her name was Drusilla Walkers. Drusilla had shown him the “finer” aspects of life. That is, a life without Buffy in it.

Spike had first laid eyes on her in the tenth grade and had fallen madly in love with her afterwards. Spike started to pull away from Buffy and the gang little by little, until all she heard from him was one phone call a week, which only lasted a number of minutes.

Drusilla had finally tired of him and had apparently moved on five months ago. That’s when all the trouble had started. Drusilla had connections all over LA and London. She had hooked Spike up to all the wrong people when she realized how gullible a fool in love, such as Spike, could be.

She had taught him every aspect sex, introduced him to his new best friend, alcohol, and showed him where he could get any drug or medication his heart desired.

As time went on, and his relationship with Dru got better and better each day, his phone calls to Buffy became longer, not so brief in their description, to which Dru had no idea about.

Buffy knew that he had a crush on her, and if she was totally honest with herself, she had always liked him way more then a friend should like another friend. This fact had been proven the summer before Dru, the night he was going back to England for the summer to visit his grandmother.

Buffy and the gang had all thrown him a surprise party in his honor, and it was just when Buffy and her sister, Dawn, were about to head home when Buffy asked him if he’d join her out on the front porch. With the gang still occupied and having fun inside, Buffy and William had been able to sneak away to have some alone time together. It had ended in Buffy and Will locked together in their first kiss, and Buffy’s only.

In the middle of the heated moment Dawn had come out to get her sister and go home, and Buffy quickly pulled away and leaned over his shoulder, making it appear that they had been hugging.

After Dawn had said her good-byes, and one last hug between the still panting couple, which reveled some startling information, Buffy left after one final kiss that was to quick to notice.

With him and Dru’s relationship completely solidified, Spike was able to return to talking to Buffy as if they never had any differences.

Spike told Buffy of everything that him and Dru had done together, leaving out gruesome details at Buffy’s insistence.

Once the matter of drugs came up Buffy almost couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Spike insisted that he was only into it because Dru was, and that he could stop anytime he wanted. He also told her about the alcohol, which she didn’t seem to mind, as long as he didn’t take it to far. Which with Dru, he never did.

Things were growing great until one night when Spike went over to Dru’s house and saw her fucking some guy in her bed. She then started screaming insanities, calming that he drove her to this, that it was his fault cause he had been talking to Buffy.

Ever since Drusilla left town the day after the big blow-up, Spike had used the connections Dru had given him to load up on the drugs and alcohol and many other things.

He had overdosed many times, and got so drunk some times that he forgot where he was for days. He shrugged off the rest of his school year, but he had enough credits from the time before Dru left him to make up for it, since he was actually an extraordinary student. Even though he’d never in a million years admit it.

Him and some of his “friends” from school had gotten into the drug and alcohol scene with him, and they now encouraged him to do more and more.

Buffy had told her mom the first time she found out that he had overdosed and she had driven her down to go get him. After they had gotten him in her mom’s car, she had given one of the guys there, Angel, her phone number, and told him that if anything ever happened to him to call her right away or she would report them to the police without a second thought. Angel, not wanting to go to jail, had agreed, and had even made copies of her phone number and address to give out to Spike’s other friends that got together to party, and told them the second that something happened to Spike to call her and let her know what was happening to him.

As much as she tried, Spike would not stop. He said that it made the pain in his heart hurt less. Buffy realized that he was finally over her and from then on out and declared herself friend of the year, being there for him whenever he needed her to be to bail him out when shit got bad.

He had gotten so bad one time, that he had actually passed out from it. She had had a panic attack after she had gotten him settled in her bed and her mother had to drive her to the hospital. Her mother had told her from then on that she would help as much as she could, but when he got that bad that Buffy was to have no part in it whatsoever, no matter what. It was, after all, his lesion to learn.

Buffy had protested greatly, that is, until Spike finally woke up and told her to never put herself in that kind of danger over him again, or he would never talk to her again for as long as he lived. She knew he was trying to keep her safe, and so she finally agreed.

It was not until the next time he was passed out that she realized that her mother wasn’t kidding and neither was he. Spike had told all his friends not to tell her where they were at when he got that bad. When Buffy threatened to call the police on them, and still they would not tell her, she gave up the fight and had collapsed into a crying fit, still on the phone with Angel. She had made him promise that they would not leave him alone till he awoke. They all felt bad for this girl and took pity on her, so they did as she wished and, even though it was few times that he got this bad, they never left his side.

This time however, was completely different. He had been out for nine hours straight with no signs of waking up.


A/N: I would really love a lot a feedback on this story, the night this chapter was written, the events in this story really took place in my own personal life. I would also really love advice on how to help my friend since I have completely run out of ideas. E-mail me at spiketastic1013@yahoo.com I wasn’t planning on starting another story this soon, but it looks like this one might get updated a little more then my other two I’ll have up soon, since this one will be easier and I know exactly where I want this one to go. If ya’ll don’t like it I’ll stop this one and return my focus to Blinded Love and the other story I’m gonna be posting soon.

Spike awoke in a hospital bed, with a major headache. He felt like her had been run over by a large mad truck driver. ‘Did somebody get the license plate of the bloody fool?’ He silently asked himself. He tried to open his eyes and found it to be a very bad idea. ‘Ok…either I’m in Heaven…or that damn truck is still standing a few feet away from me.’ When the pounding in his skull became too much to handle he immediately shut his eyes tightly closed once again. As the memory of the previous night started to come back to him again, he groaned.

Buffy looked up from the book she had been reading for her English literature class in school and looked towards the bed Spike was currently lying on. At first she thought that she had imagined it, but when she heard a faint, “oh bollocks,” she sat the book down and slowly walked over to the bed, afraid that her mind was conjuring up the sounds out of desperate hope. “Spike?” She whispered.

Spike wouldn’t have been happier to slip into oblivion and never come back. He tried to shut his eyes even harder but quickly realized it made the pain in his head intensify that much more. “Oh bollocks,” he groaned. Spike thought he heard some shuffling from somewhere within the room he had been placed in. He didn’t think anything of it, figuring that it was his stepbrother ready to give him a lashing at for once again acting like an idiot and putting himself in danger. But when he heard Buffy’s soft voice whisper his name, he slowly tried to pry his heavy lidded eyes open. His vision was blurry at first, so he blinked a couple times until his eyes focused on his angel. His savior. His best friend. His Buffy. ‘Wait a second,’ he thought, ‘When did she become my Buffy?’

His thoughts were interrupted by Buffy when she said an, “Oh my God,” and the tears she had been fighting to keep in started to slide down her cheeks silently.

“Buffy?” Spike croaked out. ‘Hold on,’ he thought, ‘what the bleeding hell is she doing in the bloody hospital looking after my sorry ass?’

“Buffy?” He said, a little more steady this time. “Buffy, what are….” He couldn’t finish what he was trying to get out, cause he suddenly had his arms full of Buffy holding on to him as if he was her lifeline, when the truth of it was, she was his lifeline. His head was pounding louder then ever, but he wasn’t about to ask her to move away from him, even though he knew that he really should.

Buffy started to sob into his shoulder as the relief of him returning to her once again hit her as hard as a train would. She started chanting over and over into the crook of his neck “Your ok, your ok.” It had been three in a half days since she had gotten the call that he had OD’d, and the doctors were beginning to worry that he wouldn’t make it.

“Shh, pet…it’s alright, luv, I’m right here.” He said as he tried to sooth her. His memories were still coming back to him, but only in pieces. So there he lay, his head beating a beat he wish he couldn’t hear, the girl he had loved since he could possibly remember lying in his arms, while he was in a hospital bed for being a stupid pounce. Even after all that, he still couldn’t wait to get the bloody hell out of there so that he could do it all again.

As he lay on his back thinking of all he had and had lost he heard Buffy say, “What do I have to do to make you realize how wrong this is? What else do I have to do to help you through this? What else do you need, Spike?” She pulled back to look at him, letting him know that this time she was talking to him directly. “What is it gonna take?”

His eyes held such pain physically and from the emotional roller coaster that he put her on. Even through she thought it was lingering pain left over from Drusilla.

“I don’t know anymore, sweetheart.” He let out a sigh, “I don’t know.” He let his hands fall from where he had been resting them on her lower back, and she willed her body away from his warm one. She dried the remains of her tears with the pads of her fingers, and then moved across the room to pull the chair she had been sitting on closer to the bed, and took his right hand in her smaller one.

They stayed in that position far a while, holding hands and staring into the others eyes, each searching for something different, completely at ease with the silence that surrounded them in the tiny room.

“Buffy, why…”

“Angel said…” They said at the same time, as if reading the other’s mind. They both cracked smiles at that thought, both finding it a little scary. “You go first,” Buffy said, wanting to hear the sound of his voice as another reminder that he was really here with her again.

“Buffy, why are you here, pet?”

“What do you mean, why am I here?” ‘Does he honestly believe I wouldn’t find out that he was here and come to see him?’ Buffy thought, for a moment, “Oh,” was all she could say when realization came crashing into her. ‘He doesn’t want me here with him.’

She stood up and put the chair back, “Well then, I’ll just…yeah.” She trailed off as she started for the door that would take her out of the room where her heart was currently breaking to pieces, already filling the beginnings of moisture filling within her eyes.

Spike looked confused as he saw Buffy walking towards the door, apparently head set on leaving. “Umm, pet?” He said, wanting to know what he had said to upset her so much as to make her leave him. She stopped and looked over her shoulder barely, enough for her to see him, but not enough for him to see anything on her face besides her cheek. She couldn’t let him see her crying, even if he had thousands of times before, this time was different, even if she couldn’t figure out why. She had already decided that she didn’t want anything more with Spike then friendship. ‘So why am I so miserable?’

“I’ll understand if you don’t want to be here, but… why are you leaving?”

“What do you want me to do, Spike?” She asked in a barely auditable voice. Luckily the small room lacked in supplies that a lot of the hospital rooms had, so other then the heart monitor’s faint beeping, the room was silent, which allowed a small echo to be in the room, which was the only way he was able to pick up on what she was saying.

If Spike wasn’t confused before, he definitely was now. “What do I want? What are you talking about, pet?”

“What I’m talking about,” She replied with frustration slipping into her voice, seemingly forgetting that she had been wanting to hide that fact that her face was soaked with tears, “Is that one second you want me here and the next you don’t. I’m your friend Spike, not your convenience.”

She obviously was caught up in the moment of not thinking of what she was saying, or other wise she would have noticed the look on his face that made it seem like he was dying on the inside. “I never said that I didn’t want you here, and you have always been more then a convenience to me, you know that.”

“You don’t have to say you don’t want me here, Spike. I can see it in your eyes. And I may as well be a convenience to you compared to your drug addict whore named Drusilla, who happened to dump you on your ass and left me to clean up the pieces.” By this time she was yelling at him. Luckily the door was closed, they could only hope that it was semi sound proof, but at this point she was beyond caring who heard her anymore.

Spike’s eyes narrowed, “Do not ever let me hear you comparing yourself to that bitch.” He put so much venom into the statement that she instantly came back from her rage fit. “Drusilla is all the things you said and more, just wish I would have noticed it before I did. Her name isn’t even worthy to come out of your mouth, let alone even be in the same sentence as you.”

Buffy fell to her knees, not knowing hat to say. She began crying in earnest as his kind words swept over her. She didn’t know what to do anymore. She didn’t know how to help him, she didn’t know how she felt about him anymore, and she couldn’t even figure out what he was trying to tell her when she was standing right in front of him. So much confusion bottled inside of her for over a year in a half finally came forward in the form of a crying fit that she had no control over.

Luckily, the only thing attached to Spike was an IV on the top of his hand. Upon seeing her fall to her knees he had took of the tape the doctors had put over the needle to keep it in place, and then preceded to take the needle itself out of his hand. Once there was nothing restraining him from going to her side, he stood up and set the needle on the small table that was in the room and then walked over to where Buffy was still crying on the ground, and knelt down in front of her.

Running his hand through her hair made her realize that someone was now in front of her. When she looked up, tears still pouring from her eye at an unbelievable pace, and saw Spike looking back at her, she didn’t know weather to be angry, relieved, or upset. Angry because the same look of pain was still in his eyes and he was trying to judge weather it was for her or that other bitch. Relieved that it was only him and not some stranger walking in and seeing her in the state that she was in. Or upset because he should’ve stayed in the bed where the doctors had put him so that he could get better.

In the end, her second instinct won over the others, and she through herself into his arms, seemingly forgetting why he was there in the first place.

Spike didn’t mind, in fact he had been waiting for her to make the first move towards him. He didn’t want to try and comfort her only to find out that she didn’t want him to. He willingly wrapped his arms around her small frame, now huddled up against him, and started rocking her back in froth in a soothing motion.

When Buffy showed no signs of stopping anytime soon, he pulled her back a little so that he could look at her face. Her eyes were screwed shut so hard that it looked physically painful, her cheeks were red, her mouth was opened in the shape of an O, she was barely drawing any breath into her lungs, and her chest was heaving.

He pulled her completely away and grasped her shoulders. She did the same to him, trying to get back to his comforting body. His grip on her became stronger and he started to shake her slightly then with more force. When nothing happened besides more tears, he yelled her name right in her face. This appeared to do the trick, as her eyes flew open and stared at him as if she just realized that he was sitting there.

“Listen to me, luv.” He once again returned to using a soothing voice so he didn’t scare her and throw her into another crying fit. As it was, her tears were still falling down and her chest was still having problems drawing in the air that it needed. “You need to stop this, and I mean right now. Do you understand me?” She shook her head yes. Spike knew, from past experiences, how to deal with her when she was like this. He had helped her through it many times before. The only thing that pained him this time was because it was over him, again, that she had a panic attack. It killed him to know that he was the reason of her suffering, because god knew that she didn’t deserve it.

He noticed Buffy closing her eyes, but not as tight as they were before, and knew she was trying to concentrate on her breathing to get it to regulate again. He pulled her close once more, and she rested her chin on his shoulder so that he could hear her breathing to make sure that she wouldn’t pass out.

She was finally calmed down and her breathing back to normal, her tears started coming less and less until there was no more falling, just the remains of their lines that ran down her pinked cheeks. Spike was still feeling a little dizzy, but he wasn’t about to leave her sitting on the tile behind the door. It was too much of a risk that someone would walk into the room and hit her in the back and it might send her back into another attack, but he didn’t want to continue to sit on the floor because his lags were starting to hurt from the position he was sitting in. He pulled Buffy as close to his body as he could get her from the odd angel they were in and hooked one arm under her legs and his other one around her shoulders in a firm grip and then tried to haul them up from the ground and move them towards the bed.

Once he got close enough, he set her down on the edge of the bed, her legs still hanging over the edge. He then moved the other side and elevated the top half of the adjustable bed and then climbed up onto it. Once he was comfortable he looked over to Buffy to find her looking over at him, watching his every move.

“Come ‘ere, pet,” Was all the encouragement she needed to move closer to him. The small bed didn’t allow much room for them to lie side by side, so she climbed onto his lap and rested her head on his chest. Spike spread his legs a little so that from her waist down she was lying on the bed, which took the pressure off his legs.

Spike had one hand running though her hair, and the other one caressing her back. Buffy’s own fingers took to drawing small patterns over his left breast, with her other hand trapped between them. It wasn’t long before her fingers became lazier, and then the light traces became non-existent as the full weight of her tiny hand rested over his heart and she fell sleep.

Spike knew the instant she drifted off, as her breathing was now completely regulated one more. He looked over at the clock above the door and realized almost two hours had gone by since he had woken up, and in that time the nerves he had shot and the exhaustion he had worked out was now taking it’s toll on his abused body, and he closely followed Buffy into Dreamland.

This was how Joyce found them when she arrived half an hour later. She smiled and then walked out and gave Spike’s doctor instructions to have Buffy call her when she was ready to come home. And for him to tell her that she wanted her to come home TODAY.