Just Skin
By Wolfram and Hart

Disclaimer: Joss owns Buffy and the song “Skin” belongs to Rascal Flatts.

Buffy remembered it like it was yesterday. She was riding with her boyfriend on a bike path in the park.

“Can’t keep up with me, Spike?” Buffy yelled at her boyfriend who was way behind her.

“Nah, I just love the chase.” William “Spike” Marsters yelled back peddling faster.

“Well, you better hurry up!” Buffy said laughing. “Otherwise WHOA!” Buffy suddenly flew off her bike and landed hard on a big rock.

“Buffy!” Spike yelled, jumping off his bike and running over to her. “Are you all right?”

“Ugh, what happened?” Buffy asked sitting up.

“You hit a hole in the ground.” Spike said pointing to the hole her bike was lying by.

“Oh, well that AH!” Buffy winced as Spike touched her side trying to help her up.

“What is it?” Spike asked as she stood up. Buffy lifted her shirt and there on her side was a huge bruise. “Ouch!”

“Yeah, I landed on a rock.” Buffy said rolling her shirt back down. “Well, let’s get goin’.”

“You sure?” Spike asked. “With that bruise and all?”

“I’m fine, it’ll be gone by morning.” Buffy said, picking up her bike.

But wasn’t gone by the next day, if anything it looked worse. It just wouldn’t go away, it even got bigger as time went by. She began to feel sick all the time, as well. The week after she got that bruise, she came down with a fever of 101 and barely got out of bed. Spike came to see her everyday after school, talking to her, listening to her, and just being there for her. Her mom finally decided to take her to see a doctor.

Buffy fidgeted in her seat, flipping through an old copy of Seventeen in the waiting room, waiting for the doctor to call you was almost as bad as waiting for the dentist to call you. She hated doctors, if her mom wasn’t there she probably would’ve run out after a minute. She was scared to death, whatever was wrong with her was serious. Ever since that day in the park, it just kept getting worse.

Suddenly a nurse came out the door and called “Summers, Buffy.”

“That’s me.” Buffy said, standing up.

“Will you please come with me?” The nurse said, and Buffy followed. The nurse led her to an examining room. “The doctor will be with you shortly.” Buffy tapped her foot impatiently, absently looking around the little room. Suddenly the door opened, revealing a tall man in glasses.

“Hello, Miss Summers, I am Dr. Giles. Well, let’s see what the problem is, shall we?” Dr. Giles did the usual check up stuff, stick out your tongue, take a deep breath, and stuff like that. Then he took a sample of her blood and a sample of bone marrow. “I’ll have to run some tests. It could take some time. Have your mother bring you back in tomorrow.”

The next day her mother brought her in again, but instead of being taken to an exam room, they were taken to the doctor’s office. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Summers. I’ve got the results of Buffy’s tests back. I think you may need to sit down.”

“Uh oh.” Buffy groaned fearfully. Being asked to sit down was never a sign of good news.

“I’m afraid there is an irregularity in Buffy’s blood. I’m afraid the tests conclude that Buffy has acute leukemia.” The doctor said, taking off his glasses and polishing them. Buffy felt her stomach do a summersault, she had cancer. She was too stunned to hear what the doctor was saying.

“Am…am I going to die?” She asked in a small voice.

“Of course not, Sweetie.” Her mother said, hugging her. But Buffy could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

“This is a very serious illness, but I think we’ve caught it in time.” Dr. Giles said. “There’s a new chemotherapy that’s just been approved. It’s the strongest treatment available, and thankfully the cancer isn’t far along so it’s even more likely to work.”

“When can we start?” Joyce asked, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her.

“We can begin immediately. Staring tomorrow we can…” Dr. Giles said, but Buffy tuned out the doctor’s words.

Buffy felt like the world was spinning into the sun. She was like a zombie on the ride home, just stared into space, too shell-shocked to say anything. Even after they got home, she just went to her room, sat on her bed and just spaced out.

“Buffy?” came a voice from the door. Buffy’s little sister, Dawn, stuck her head in the door. “Buffy, Spike called. He said he’s coming over to see you.”

The announcement seemed to shake Buffy from her trance, because she suddenly looked wide-eyed at her sister and began shaking her head. “No. No. No! No, no, no! He can’t come here!”

“What? Why?” Dawn asked, shocked at her sister’s vehemence.

“I don’t want him to see me like this!” Buffy said, beginning to cry.

“What do you mean?” Dawn asked. “You look like you always do.”

“I have cancer, Dawn!” Buffy cried.

“So? Spike won’t care about that!” Dawn said.

“I don’t want him involved. I don’t want him to know that his girlfriend is diseased!”

“It’s not like it’s your fault you got cancer!” Dawn cried, flustered at her sister’s behavior.

“I don’t want to see him! If he shows up tell him to go away!” Buffy practically screamed.

“All right, fine.” Dawn said, giving up trying to fight with her.

“Great. Now please just leave me alone.” Buffy said, turning away from Dawn.

“OK.” Dawn said, leaving her sister’s room. When the door shut, Buffy fell into bed and wrapped the covers around her, trying to hide from the world, and from the truth. When she fell asleep, she dreamt that she and Spike were out dancing, she wasn’t sick and they were happy.

The next few weeks were horrible. The doctors pumped her with chemicals and drugs to kill off the cancer. They said the chemicals were killing the cancer cells, but it was also making Buffy more and more sick. She threw up almost every hour when they took her in for treatment and she was loosing weight that her petite body couldn’t afford. But the cruelest surprise was yet to come.

Buffy woke up from a bad night sleep, and groaned at how rotten she felt. She ran her hand through her hair… and found several strands of hair in her hand. She looked down at her pillow and saw it was covered with big clumps of hair.

“Oh God!” Buffy yelled in dismay.

“What?” Her mother asked, running into her room. She saw her daughter gathering hair from her pillow. “Oh honey.”

“My hair!” Buffy cried, holding the hair in trembling hands. Her mother enveloped her oldest daughter in a hug and tried to console her.

“It’ll be all right, sweetheart.” Joyce said, but Buffy wouldn’t hear it.

“No, no it won’t.” Buffy said, staring at the blonde curls in her hand.

“I’m here for you.” Joyce said. “And so is Dawn, and your friends, and William…”

“Not for long.” Buffy said, closing her eyes in despair. “He’s going to leave me.”

“What?” Her mother asked. “Why would he do that? He loves you!”

“I’m losing my hair and I look like an extra from Night of the Living Dead, Mom.” Buffy said miserably. “Why would he want to be with a damaged girl? It would be a mistake for him to be with me.”

The next week, she didn’t leave her room except for trips to treatment or the bathroom. She didn’t leave her bed for days; she slept for 12 or 15 hours a day. She wouldn’t talk to anyone, and when someone tried to talk to her she’d snap at them or just ignore them. She had given up. Until one day, she lay in her bed listening to the rain hit the roof when she heard a familiar voice.

“Buffy, it’s Spike!” he called, knocking on her bedroom door. “I’m coming in.”

He came into her room and found she had pulled the covers over her head and wrapped them around her body. He heard Buffy say in a dead voice, “Go away.”

“Can’t do that.” Spike said, shutting her bedroom door. “I’m here to see my girl and ask her to the prom.”

“I’m not your girl anymore.” Buffy said back, shifting under the blankets.

“Why not?” Spike asked. “Finally had enough of listening to my Sex Pistols albums?”

“No, you idiot!” Buffy snapped. “Because the Buffy you knew is gone!”

“That sounds like the temper of the Buffy I know.” Spike replied, a little annoyed.

“That girl is gone, Spike.” She replied, her voice sounding small and far away. “I’m not your Goldilocks anymore. I’ve lost all my hair. I’m all skin and bones. You’d think I was dead already.”

“You really think I care about that?” Spike asked.

“I think that if you saw me,” She said, wrapping the covers tighter around herself. “You wouldn’t love me anymore. Because I don’t even like myself anymore.”

“Let me tell you something, pet.” Spike said, sitting on her bed. “I love you. What’s happened over the last few months doesn’t change that. Yeah, I loved your hair, but I don’t love you any less because it’s gone. I love you. Not your hair, not your face, or any other part of your body. You. I don’t give a rat’s ass what you look like because in my eyes you could never be anything but beautiful. You’re still Buffy. You’re still the girl I fell in love with. And you’re still the girl I want to take to the prom.”

Buffy lay there for a few minutes, thinking about what he’d said. Slowly, she sat up, the blanket still totally covering her. She pulled and it fell away to reveal her to Spike. She was pale and much thinner than usual. Her hair was almost totally gone, except for a few stray strands here and there. There were bags under her eyes from many sleepless nights due to constant vomiting and fear. Tears ran unheeded down her face as she asked, “Do you mean that?”

“You’re damn right.” Spike said seriously, putting his hand on her shoulder. “I love you, and I want to go dancing with you.”

That little sentence made her lose it. All the feelings she’d held inside came to the surface at once. She started crying, and not just regular crying, uncontrollable, near hysterical sobbing. This was a release of all the pain she’d been through since this started, and she was letting it all out. She hugged Spike tightly, and he held her as she cried out her fear and anger over her sickness. After almost a half hour, she began to calm down. She pulled away and looked into his eyes, and said “Yes, I’ll go to the prom with you.”

When the night of the dance came, Buffy was glowing. She was still bald and she was still sick, but she was happier than she had been in months. She was checking herself in her bedroom vanity. She was wearing an elegant white dress and the necklace that Spike gave her for her birthday.

“How do I look?” Buffy asked Dawn.

“You look great.” Dawn said, giving her a thumbs-up.

“Even without the…” She asked pointing to her head.

“You. Look. Great.” Dawn said hugging her sister. “Spike’s gonna go nuts.”

“In a good way, right?” Buffy asked.

“Relax!” Dawn said emphatically. “It’s gonna be fine!”

“All right, fine.” Buffy said, looking at herself in the mirror. “What time is it?”

“Uh, quarter to 7.” Dawn said, checking her watch. “He should be here any minute.”

Knock-knock-knock

“Speak of the devil!” Buffy said hearing the knock at the front door.

“OK, me and Mom will let him in, you wait up here till we call you.” Dawn said running out the door.

Joyce opened the front door and ushered Spike in. “Hello, William.”

“Hello Joyce. Hey, Nibblet.” Spike said, walking into the house.

“Hey Spike. Buffy’s gonna go nuts when she sees you. You look gorgeous.” Dawn said, suddenly noticing he was wearing a school’s team baseball cap. “Except for the hat. What’s with that?”

“You’ll see.” Spike said smirking. “So, where’s Buffy?”

“I’ll get her.” Dawn said going upstairs to Buffy’s room. “He’s here!”

“Well, here goes.” Buffy said, taking a deep breath.

Dawn ran downstairs first and said in an ultra-cheesy gameshow host like voice “Heeeeeeeere’s Buffy!”

Buffy came down the stairs and saw Spike standing there with her parents. He looked extremely drool worthy in his tux, though the baseball cap he wore was a little odd.

“You look great.” Buffy said, hugging him.

“You look gorgeous.” Spike said before kissing her cheek.

“Please.” Buffy said, giving a self-conscious snicker. “I’m bald. Bald chicks aren’t known for gorgeousness.”

“You always look gorgeous to me.” Spike said, stroking her cheek.

“I knew there was a reason I loved you.” Buffy said.

“Besides my hot little body?” Spike asked, grinning lecherously.

“Yeah.” Buffy laughed. “But, one thing though; what’s with the hat?”

“Oh, that’s a surprise. I thought I’d try a new look.” Spike lifted his hand to the brim of the cap and took it off. Buffy stared wide-eyed in disbelief. Her mother and sister were also speechless at the sight before them. Spike’s normal slicked back platinum blonde hair was gone. He’d shaved his head.

“What?” Buffy asked still stunned. “Why did…”

“Figured it might make you feel better about going if you weren’t the only person there without hair.” Spike said smiling. Tears stung Buffy’s eyes as she reached over and ran her hand over his head and down the side of his face, just like she did with his hair. She couldn’t find the words to express how she felt, so she just kissed him with everything she had.

“I love you.” She said, when she pulled away.

“I love you too.” Spike said, holding her close. “Well, what are we waiting for? We got a prom to get to!”

“Yeah!” Buffy said, wiping her eyes. She turned to her family and said, “See ya later.”

“Bye.” Dawn said, wiping her eyes as well.

“Have fun.” Her mother said, sniffling.

The young lovers went out to Spike’s car and drove to the school. Spike opened the door for Buffy and they headed to the entrance. There were other couples just arriving, and Buffy was feeling the tiniest bit of trepidation.

“Nervous, Luv?” Spike asked. She looked at him and knew for certain that nothing was going to stop her from enjoying this evening.

“Not at all.” She said smiling. “Let’s go.”

They got inside and saw that the prom was in full swing. The two former blondes walked in amongst the crowd of students, earning a few stares.

“Yeah, it’s astounding, isn’t it? Never thought you’d see me in a tux did ya?” Spike asked the people who were ogling them. Buffy saw her friends waving at them to come to their table.

“Come on, let’s see the Scooby gang.” Buffy said, and they headed over to their table.

“How’ve you been, Buff?” Xander asked, as Buffy and Spike sat down.

“Better.” Buffy said, feeling happier than she had in a long time.

“You look better.” Willow said smiling. Buffy did look better than the last time she saw her; the bags under her eyes weren’t as bad and she wasn’t looking as deathly thin, she was looking more healthy.

“Thanks.” Buffy said. Suddenly she noticed Willow’s boyfriend was nowhere in sight. “Where’s Oz?”

“He’s playing with the band.” Willow said, pointing to the stage. Oz was playing bass guitar along with the band. “After this song he and I are gonna dance.”

“Cool.” Buffy said.

“It’s good to see you haven’t died.” Anya said, being her usual blunt self.

“Thanks Anya.” Buffy said, stifling a laugh at Anya’s directness.

“Also Spike,” Anya said. “Bald is a good look for you. Your head looks very phallic.”

“Um… thanks.” Spike said, not knowing how to respond to that.

“I still can’t believe you did that.” Buffy said, staring at Spike.

“Eh bugger it. It’s just hair. What’s that compared to my girl?” Spike said, taking Buffy’s hand.

“Oh…my…God!” came a voice from behind them. Buffy turned and saw Harmony, the queen airhead bitch of Sunnydale High. “I thought this was the prom, not a Halloween party. Buffy, the walking corpse look is just so last season.”

“Really, Harm? As opposed to the trashy skank look you’re wearing?” Spike asked, getting a laugh from the Scoobies.

“Oh shut up, Blondie Bear.” Harmony sneered. “I still can’t believe you sunk so low. You and I could’ve been something and you threw it away for this ho. She doesn’t even have hair anymore, unlike my luxurious locks. She looks like a ruined Barbie doll. She probably won’t even live to see graduation. She’s a dead girl walk--” Harmony didn’t finish her sentence before Buffy’s fist slammed into her face. The bimbo fell to the floor as Buffy rubbed her hand.

“I always wanted to do that.” Buffy said smiling at the unconscious blonde.

“Nice left hook.” Xander said, laughing.

“Wanna dance?” Buffy asked Spike.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

Buffy and Spike danced all night, around and around without any care. Sure they earned a few stares from some students, but they paid no attention. As far as Buffy and Spike were concerned, when they were on the dance floor they were the only people there. They met up with Willow, Xander, Angel and the rest of their friends between songs and hung out a bit, but they always ended up dancing again. At the last slow dance of the night, they were the only ones left who were dancing. Spike held her close as the music went on, and she felt better and happier than she had in weeks. The cancer, the chemo, the fear and all that would wait for another time, tonight was their time to dance. For the first time since this whole ordeal started, Buffy wasn’t scared.




Sarabeth is scared to death
To hear what the doctor will say
She hasn't been well
Since the day that she fell
And the bruise, it just won't go away
So she sits and she waits with her mother and dad
Flips through an old magazine
Till the nurse with a smile
Stands at the door
And says will you please come with me

Sarabeth is scared to death
Cause the doctor just told her the news
Between the red cells and white
Something's not right
But we're gonna take care of you

Six chances in ten it won't come back again
With the therapy were gonna try
It's just been approved
It's the strongest there is
I think we caught it in time

Sarabeth closes her eyes
And she dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love is holding her close
And the soft wind is blowing her hair

Sarabeth is scared to death
As she sits holding her mom
Cause it would be a mistake
For someone to take
A girl with no hair to the prom

For, just this morning right there on her pillow
Was the cruelest of any surprise
And she cried when she gathered it all in her hands
The proof that she couldn't deny

Sarabeth closes her eyes
And she dreams she's dancing
Around and around without any cares
And her very first love was holding her close
And the soft wind is blowing her hair

Its quarter to seven
That boys at the door
And her daddy ushers him in
And when he takes off his cap
They all start to cry
Cause this mornin’ where his hair had been
Softly she touches just skin

And they go dancin’
Around and around without any cares
And her very first true love is holding her close
And for a moment she isn't scared