When You’re Sleeping

“Where’s Buffy?” Willow said as they all looked over the information once again. “She really should be in on this…Xander, could you-“

“I’ll go get her,” Spike interrupted, heading up the stairs before any of them had a chance to protest.

Quietly slipping into her room, Spike sat on the chair next to her bed, gently running his hand over her hair as he watched her sleep. The next thing he knew, he was moving to lay next to her, he didn’t know if it was what had happened in that abandoned house or the feeling of his impending death, but he didn’t give much thought to the repercussions of his actions. Being careful not to wake her, he lay beside her and just watched her while she slept, also being careful to keep an eye on the door in case anyone else thought they should come retrieve her.

After several minutes of just watching her, a song popped unbidden into his mind. He hadn’t realized that he’d actually been listening to it the other day when one of the potentials had it on repeat, but apparently he’d heard it enough it had gone into his head without him realizing it.

You talk so much sense
When you're sleeping
When you're sleeping
And you share all the secrets
And the mystery when you're sleeping

Every other time of day, Buffy would keep her distance from him, scared of letting the others know what she felt for him; scared of letting herself know what she felt for him. But when she was sleeping? When she was sleeping, that was a different story. She’d curl up to him; give him the idea that she felt safe with him.

She was totally unguarded when she slept and once upon a time Spike would have preyed on that weakness, relished it. But not now. Now he just enjoyed the peace that it afforded him; the love.

She had no secrets from his when she slept, nothing that she needed to keep him from seeing. She was completely bare to him.

He didn’t have a clue as to why a silly, little song was causing such deep reflection, but the words really rang true.

I found out beautiful things about you
You talk so much sense
When you're sleeping
When you're sleeping
And you share all the secrets
And the mystery
When you're sleeping

She was even more beautiful when she was asleep, he thought, if that were even possible. She was more, calm, he guessed was the word, then. She let the stress slip away and let her sleep do what it was supposed to do, rejuvenate her. And that’s why he was doing everything he could to stop anyone from waking her just yet.

He’d give up nearly everything else in his life if only he could watch her sleep every night…he always found out so much about her that way. Could see how the events of the day had made her feel, if the fight she’d gotten into on patrol had been too much, could tell when she needed someone there with her. All things that he’d never find out when she was awake, she was just too guarded when she was awake.

He’d never tell her that though, she always got so defensive when he brought up things like that and, with everything so seemingly close to the end for at least some of them, he was going to keep it as good as he could get with her.

He slowly became aware of the fact that she was waking up. Trying quietly to get off the bed so that he didn’t have to answer any questions, Spike was stopped when Buffy grabbed hold of his arm. “Mmm, where’re you going?” she mumbled sleepily, “And why are you here?”

“I was just going, luv. Scoobies asked me to come get you so they could talk to you about some information they’ve found.”

Buffy noticed that he hadn’t told her just why he was in her bed, but she didn’t really care. “How long ago was that?”

Looking at her clock, Spike grimaced a bit before replying, “Hour or so.”

“Oh,” Buffy said, stretching and trying to wake herself up more. “Thanks for letting me sleep.”

“Sure, luv, knew if one of them came up, they’d wake you right off. Thought you could do with some rest.”

“Thanks. And Spike,” she paused for a few seconds, afraid of admitting this to him, “I liked that you laid down with me and held me. Makes me feel safe.” She turned away from him, blushing, once she’d said it.

Attempting to relieve her of some of her embarrassment, and not make a fool out of himself by attempting to say something in return, Spike simply said, “Best get a move on, luv, the whelps probably come up with all sorts of nasty things we could be doing. Don’t want his brain melting…or, maybe we do,” he said, after giving it a second thought.

“Come on, let’s get down there,” Buffy said as she rolled her eyes at him.

She knew that they was more to say, they both did, but saying it would mean accepting that the end was coming and neither of them was ready to do that. So, instead, they just made their way downstairs and listened to Willow and Giles explain the new information that had been found on the First; there would be time for the other things later.

So you go and wonder
Where you wander
Lose yourself to
Take us higher
And I'll be waiting
For you when you're down


TBC......

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Neither of them knew that there wouldn’t be time for their talk later.

Not until much, much later.

They’d taken for granted that the other would always be there for them, never once thinking otherwise.

And in a sense they were right. Even when he was trapped inside the amulet, not really existing anywhere else, before he’d appeared at Wolfram and Hart, Spike had gotten his wish and was able to watch over her while she slept.

Every night he’d been there, doing his best to keep her safe without actually being able to do anything.

He didn’t think she knew though, didn’t think she’d had any knowledge of his presence.

Didn’t think so that is until the day, nearly two weeks after he’d appeared at Wolfram and Hart, that she’d shown up there looking for him.

She said that she’d felt him watching over her until just recently and she knew that he was back, couldn’t explain how she knew, she just knew. When he’d persisted and asked her just how it was she knew, she’d reminded him that he was always the one that was good with words, not her, and that the best she could do was just say that she ‘knew,’ somehow she just knew.

But he was Spike and that would never be good enough for him, he’d given up trying to read into what she said, he needed to hear it, word for bloody word.

“How, Buffy?” he pushed, “How’d you know I was back?”

“Because it was like you were there every night….and then you weren’t,” she explained softly, not understanding why he needed to know how, she didn’t even know how, all she knew was that she felt him there every night while she slept and then suddenly she didn’t.

A rational person would have thought that they were finally accepting his death and would have moved on.

But Buffy never had been one for the rational side of things.

Rational didn’t go well alongside a vampire with a soul that fell in love with the one girl destined to kill them. Especially not when it happened twice.

So, Buffy, had assumed what Buffy would assume—that Spike was back…maybe not necessarily alive, but back.

She’d looked for him in England…looked in the town he’d once mentioned being from…tried the new Council to see if they’d heard anything….gone to England to see if for whatever reason he’d shown up there…..gone to the crater that had been Sunnydale. But he hadn’t been any of those places.

She’d been about to give up and try living on the rational side of the tracks when she’d thought of one more place.

Wolfram and Hart.

She didn’t think for a second that Spike would choose Angel over her, but, hey, things happened. She just hoped that it was because of circumstances beyond his control.

If in fact he was even there.

He was.

“How’d I know you were back?” she asked, once she’d decided that it was worth it to finally just give up and tell him the truth. “I knew you were back because I can feel you, I think it had something to do with that day…that day you died….I think that when we held hands and I felt your soul….I think that somehow, you got a piece of my soul and I got a piece of yours. So, now it’s like I can feel you in me…and not that way, you pig!….It’s like, we’re…..connected.”

“You really think that?” Spike asked, he’d contemplated it when he came back and remembered his time watching over her, remembered how she’d felt every night. But he didn’t think for a minute that she’d ever admit to it.

“Of course I do….and you know why it worked?” she asked, knowing she was going to get him on this one.

“No,” he said, wanting to know why she was asking, he really hated it when Buffy had a one up on him.

“Because you loved me….and I love you….even if you don’t believe me I do.”

“I do,” he replied quickly.

“Do believe me or do love me?” she wasn’t sure why she was asking, but she’d realized as soon as she’d heard his answer that she just had to know which thing he was replying to.

“Both, I do love you…and I do believe you.”

“Good,” she said, matter-of-factly, “I love you too.”

Buffy had never expected to find Spike where she did.

But he had been there….and now that she was there, they were going to make up for it. They weren’t going to take anything for granted.

Not anymore.

Not that they were back together and could finally be together.

THE END...

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