9 Years Earlier...


"Damn it, William! Can't you understand?! I don't want to be here! I hate this place, this life, and most importantly, you. You make me sick. You and the girl!" Drusilla yelled.

"Dru, love, just put down the knife, okay? Let's talk about this, okay?" He said as he stepped closer.

"Stay back!!" She screeched, swiping the knife dangerously close to his face.

"Dru, please- " But he was cut off by her battle cry. She then lunged at him, cutting him on his left eyebrow. He stumbled backwards as blood started to flow freely into his eye.

"Take care of our poppet, William. Goodbye."

She appeared so cool and calm, and then the bitch just left me there. Always knew the bint was off her nut, but that was just bleeding insane. Should've known better when she named our daughter Dawn when she was born at sunset. But I loved her all the same.

She gave me the most beautiful baby. With swirls of brown hair and her big blue eyes... You know, she never was a problem as a baby. Always quiet and docile, and never was colicky. That's why I couldn't understand. Dawn was only five months old when Dru abandoned us. She wanted to leave me, fine. We were just starting out after all. Maybe she wasn't ready. But even so, I'll never forgive her for leaving our little girl.

About a month after she left and after crying out useless buckets of salt; after I sunk into a hole of depression, I decided to make some changes. William needed to die, and I needed to leave- leave behind old memories and weakness. I first cut my hair real short and then bleached it. Destroyed all of my clothes... You see, William was a complete nancy boy- weak and didn't deserve to see another day. Maybe it was all a psychological thing, but it made me feel better. I had to be strong, for her. I haven't trusted another woman (well, emotionally anyway) ever since. Who needs all of that emotional baggage? I mean, how can you trust something that bleeds for five days straight and doesn't die?

I decided to move to America. California, to be exact. You see, my family was already there. My father, Rupert Giles, has a business here— a book store. But now, he's going through some sort of a mid-life crisis. You know the usual, little red sports car, earring, twenty- nine year old girlfriend by the name of Anya. But, they've been together for two years now, and she's expecting. Kinda cute, actually. It's still weird though when your old man is with someone younger than you.

Then, there's my cousin/pseudo brother Wes. We grew up together. When he was four, his parents- my uncle and aunt, died in a car crash, so my father had him come live with me and my mum. We're the same age, 'cept I'm three and a half months older. We had a happy home, then twelve years later, mum died. Cancer got her. Dad waited until we went off to college, and then he was the first to leave to the States. Then Wes went on to study law and left too. London, I mean. I stayed behind for awhile and met Dru and, well, let's not get into that. Anyway, Wes is working in a highly established law firm called Wolfram & Hart, but is going to leave soon with his live in girlfriend, Lilah and start their own firm, as partners. I wish them the best.

Me, well I've written two books, two big successes. One was an adaptation of my own life, mostly set around my past times in high school, my family and college called School Hard, and the other, a collection of poems, alternating between elation and joy and hatred and anger. I called it “Deluge of Sorrow, then Kissed by the Sun”. Guess who my inspirations were.


******************

I consider myself to be pretty lucky. My Dad may be a little crazy but, he loves me with all of his heart. Sometimes the other kids in my class get kinda jealous of me. I mean, my dad is the youngest parent with a nine year old at age thirty- one. He lets me stay up late sometimes at night and he has cool friends- Uncle Wes, Lilah, Anya, Angel, Aunt Willow and Uncle Xander... But sometimes, I get jealous of them, my friends. But of course, no one knows. Even though a few of their parents are divorced, they still have their mommies. I never had a mommy. My Dad says she died a long time ago, and never talks about her. This one time though, I snuck into our attic and went through all of these old boxes until I found one with old pictures in it. There were some of Grandma and Grandpa Giles, Daddy and Uncle Wes when they were little kids, and one of this dark haired woman. She wasn't really smiling in the photo- it was more of a grin. There was no name or date on the back, and there weren't anymore of her in the entire box. But there were some of me and the other half of the photo missing. I guess my mom was in those.

I thought about asking Daddy about it, but he would probably get all angry and take it away. So I snuck it to my room and put it underneath the Barbie bed in my Barbie’s dream house. He'd never look there.

Sometimes I'd wonder why Daddy never thought of marrying again. Oh sure he goes out on dates- lots of dates. But he never brings them home. I never meet these mystery women in his life. But he always tells me not to worry about it 'cause they're never of any importance. Surely at least one of them would be nice enough for me to meet? But then he gives me this look- ya know "it's the end of the discussion, young lady" look. 'Cept he never calls me young lady, it's either Nibblet, or Bit, or Dawn or Dawnie. I like it when he calls me Dawnie or Bit. It means he's in an especially good mood. He only calls me Dawn if I’m in trouble, really.

Then, he proceeds to explain how I have plenty of women in my life who can tell me the mysteries of being a young girl. There's only three though. Aunt Willow, who's more like a friend than the motherly type, even though she has a son of her own. Jesse's five. And then Anya, who's too jealous to worry about anyone other than her or her baby. If Grandpa- sorry. He's going through this thing where he only wants me to call him Giles. I guess that's where Dad gets it from. If anyone dares to call him William, he'll go totally crazy on them. He hates his name. "William Randal Giles indeed." He used to mutter to himself. Anyway, if Giles doesn't focus on Anya all the time, then she'll get all whiney and upset. Then there's Lilah. I don't think she likes kids, of any kind. She's nice, but doesn't really like to be bothered.

So, I've decided to take matters into my own hands. Well, not so much my hands as Uncle Wes. Surely he must know someone who can be a mom to me. Even if it's only for a little while. Well, it was a nice thought anyway. It's not that my Dad isn't enough, but I mean, who's gonna tell me things- woman things? Dad thinks almost all women are the devil, 'cept for us four. I tried to tell him this one time of this guy I sorta liked, and then he said that boys were the devil too and to stay away from them. Another woman around the house wouldn't be so bad. Could it?

Wes' apartment

"Dawnie, sweetheart. How are you?" Wes said to me with a large smile. Geez, looks like his face is gonna split.

"Fine, Uncle Wes. Daddy didn't tell you I was coming over, did he?" When I said that, he finally dropped the act and turned into his normal, solemn, yet nice self.

"No, he didn't. How is your old man these days?" He asked, gesturing for me to take a seat.

"The usual. That is until my friend Vi told him how wicked his scar looked and asked how he got it. She was supposed to stay over the weekend but, now he's all 'Grrr.' But, if you're busy, you could always send me over to Gramps."

"No, you can stay here. I'll have a talk with your dad later. You know, if Giles heard you call him that, he'd blow a gasket." He said with a slight grin.

"Yea, I know. But actually Uncle Wes, I was wondering something..." I asked in my best innocent little girl voice. Could always get to a Giles man, well Uncle Wes being half a Giles and growing up in a Giles house hold and... whatever.

"What's on your mind? You can ask me anything." As long as it's not about sex he thought wearily.

"Well, I was wondering if you could get my dad to go out on a date. Ya know, someone nice and smart and likes kids." Also mommy material.

"Dawn, you know your dad already goes out on dates- lots of them..." Spike is such a man whore. It's a surprise he hasn't caught something already he thought.

"No, I mean, that's true but, maybe someone who could last, oh say, more than a day?" Wes regarded me carefully for a moment. He nodded his head more to himself than me. I think he was finally getting my point.

"Dawn, I understand completely how you feel. But at least you have one parent, who loves you more than life itself. I was lucky after losing my parents. I had Giles and your grandma Anne. She became a mother to me, and then I lost her too."

"I'm sorry Uncle Wes."

"That's alright. It was a long time ago. But as far as your father, well- you know how stubborn he is, and he doesn't trust women, you know, at all."

"I know. But see, the thing is, you aren't supposed to tell him." I said, giving him a conspirator’s wink-wink.

"Really now? So, seems like you have a plan Miss Giles."

"Of course. You can't have a course of action without a plan." I said with a triumphant smile.

"Very well. Care to enlighten me?"

******************

"I don't know, Wes. I mean Spike gets kind of crazy when people interfere with his affairs. Especially if it involves Dawn, his emotions or his cock." Lilah said nonchalantly as she flipped through a magazine on their king size bed.

"Thank you, Lilah. However darling, Dawnie and I have come up with a nearly full proof plan."

"Really? Care to share?"

"Yes well, as you know, my birthday is coming up. I thought perhaps we could have a party- a little celebration for my thirty- first."

"But Wes sweetheart, you absolutely detest parties for yourself involving more than two people- you know, just you and I?"

"Well, we can have our own private party afterwards. I just don't want to see her so sad. I know what it's like. And if having a party will somehow spare her from the pain if Spike is actually happy, then I'll do it." He said as he sat down next to her. She then sat up and embraced him in a tight hug.

"Oh baby, that's terribly sweet of you. If we ever had a kid, you'd probably spoil the brat rotten."

"I'll have you know that no child of mine will be a brat, of any kind." He said in mock defense.

"Well if you plan on procreating with me, the kid'll be at least half brat."

"Well when you put it that way..."

"Shut up!" she said, playfully whacking him upside the head. "So, what's your plan?"

"Well, I was hoping you could invite some of your friends. I don't really know of anyone suitable."

"Me neither. But I got two that's worth a shot. Especially if Angel's coming."

"Of course. He's my best friend."

"Fine then. My two very much available friends I shall invite are Buffy and Cordelia."

"Buffy? Cordelia? But aren't they kinda of-"

"A female version of Spike minus the kid and a brunette prima donna? Sure. They'll be perfect for each other. Well, once they get over themselves anyway. Buffy contrasting with Angel's broodiness and Cordy's enormous boobs for Spike." Wesley looked at her with a skeptical expression marring his features.

"Uh huh. If you say so..."

Yes, living free; living the single life. Relationships. Bah. Who can trust anything with a penis nowadays? I sure as hell don’t.

Excuse me for sounding so bitter. Traumatic experiences can do that to you. My traumatic experience comes in the form of one Parker Abrams. Seven long years ago, but the memories are forever fresh in my mind. When young, innocent, ignorant and virginal Elizabeth Summers first went to college, she met charming, lying, evil, piece of shit upper classmen Parker. Offered to show her around campus and was all buddy buddy and "look at me, I'm mister sensitive" and his carpe diem bullshit. Yeah, he fooled her alright. Got her to throw away the old chastity belt and open her dimpled knees. What a stupid bitch. But then if it wasn't for her, I, Buffy, wouldn't be here today.

He stuck around for a couple of months, well two and a half to be exact. After he'd had his wicked way, he decided that he was bored and had thoroughly broken her in. Well, he did have a point. Elizabeth was so certain that they were in love and surely he wouldn't leave her? I mean, they were gonna get married and everything, right? Wrong, wrong, wrong! He broke up with her all the while with an infuriating smile on his lips and talking of how fun it was. She came to find out that the entire time he was two timing her anyway. That lousy, son of a bitch! He had made a fool of her in front of everyone. Then, something inside of the normally good natured Elizabeth had changed...

First the hair went. I hacked off the long golden locks so that it barely came past my jaw. I dyed it from honey brown to a nice Californian blond. Then, I thought long and hard about my next actions, and decided it was for the best. Late one night, I found his "precious baby," his 1952 Jaguar roadster. Custom colored. First, the potato up the tail pipe, then a little slash and dash to all four tires, then she carved "Fuck You Bitch" on the hood, and then two pounds of sugar into the gas tank. Nobody saw me. Though god knows he tried to blame me for it. He came the very next day to my dorm room shouting and cursing my name.

"Elizabeth!! Open this door now!! Open up, you bitch!" I opened the door wide and openly glared at him and said with as much venom as I could muster, "Elizabeth doesn't live here anymore, you selfish fuck!" and promptly slammed the door in his face. That day, Buffy was born. I never felt so free in my life! God, it was liberating.

Ever since then, I said no more to serious relationships. I learned that from my girl Faith. Fabulous lady, she is. If I see a guy I like, I might screw him, but not before he goes down on me. Only if he's really good I'll actually have sex with him, and that’s usually next to never. No one’s ever been that good. And of course, I'll never go down on them. They bow before me, never the other way around. But then Faith had to go screw everything up and get into a real relationship. Some tall, chocolately goodness named Robin Wood (very fitting, well according to Faith). That just left me and Cordy. Lilah had been out of the game for a while now. She was all nesley with Wesley. Not like I care. As far as I'm concerned, all guys are pricks. Hell, even my dad is a selfish bastard. No matter. I always get what I want.

******

"You're actually throwing Wes a party this time? Geeze, what happened to his usual 'kinky sex fest' present? Run out of ideas?" Buffy asked.

"No, that comes later. And you should know by now that our life together is nothing but a sex fest. Especially in the board meeting rooms when everyone else goes home at night." Lilah said with a sly grin.

"Eww! Can we say too much information? Just glad I don't have to work there." Cordelia said.

"Yea, like it matters. You have ridden in the back seat of Lilah's car, haven't you? I'm sure those special blue police lights could find plenty of happy juice back there." Faith said. They were having their weekly get together at a restaurant called Chi Tung, gorging themselves on sushi.

"Anyway, Faith... Ladies, you are all invited, and those of you who are single, please do not bring a date. There will be very much available salty goodness to go around." Lilah said.

"Is that right? What makes you think Cordy and I, since we are the only two available ladies sitting here, would be interested in the least?" Buffy said quizzically.

"Well, think of it this way: you won't be tied down for the evening and also by not having a date, you can keep your options open. Believe when I say it is well worth it." Lilah said.

"Whatever. Couldn't hurt to have a little fun, right? I mean, it's not like I have any real plans for... when is it?" Cordelia asked.

"Next weekend. Since his birthday is the Tuesday after that, I thought it would be best to not have it on a working day. I mean, for those of us who actually work." Lilah said, looking pointedly at Buffy.

"Hey, just cause my dad still gives me a hefty allowance, don't be all bitchy to me." Buffy said.

"Yea, well, just please bring your gracious self okay? And please, no scandals. So Faith in layman's terms, that means to not hump Robin anywhere in or around my house. Got it?" Lilah said.

"Well you know, it kinda takes the thrill out of it if you expect it coming. Hell, who am I kiddin’? It’s always a thrill with Robin." Faith retorted.

"So, who are the hotties? And don't play games, Lilah. You better not be trying to dump some ugly and or dorky losers on us." Cordelia said.

"No, they're pretty hot. Subject numero uno- Angel. He's tall dark and handsome to a T. The other, is Spike."

"Spike? What, is the name compensating for something or what?" Buffy asked incredulously.

"How would I know? But I'm thinking no. He's English, and he's got some sort of punk rock meets Goth kind of style. But he pulls it off in a very hot and sexy way."

"So if they're such great catches, why the hell are they single?" Faith asked.

"Could say the same for our two best friends here." Lilah said.

"Hey, Cordelia and I choose to be alone." Buffy said vehemently.

"Yeah right! It's just that every guy I come across don't really interest me. Either intellectually lacking or sexually lacking. Sometimes both. Trust when I say being alone is the only real alternative." Cordy said in a huff.

"Well, maybe next Saturday will be your lucky day." Lilah said. In truth, she was hoping they both wouldn't run off screaming when they heard that both eligible bachelors had kids. Work, work, work. All my life in one way or another. She thought. But, it was for Wes. If it made him happy, she would gladly do it.

********

"Now what's this you're prattling on about?" Spike said as he lit a cigarette.

"I said birthday party. What part didn't you understand?" Wes said, very much irritated. He came to Spike's home personally to inform him of the gathering. He had his own key and let himself in that Friday at eight p.m. Big mistake. Evidently, Spike was entertaining some leggy red head. Dawn was at a friend's house. Being very much put out, Spike told the red head very bluntly to leave. He then decided to blame his hormonal frustrations on Wes. As if it was his fault Spike didn't get laid. He didn't tell the bird to leave. He did. Wanker.

"Hey, no need to get snippy now. Want a drink?" He said, heading towards the kitchen, clad only in his jeans.

"Sure. Why not."

"What you want?"

"Whatever you're having is fine." He said as he followed him.

"Some Jack it is, then. So a party, eh? What happened to you and Lilah's lil' S&M session?" Wes immediately turned red at the insinuation.

"I'll have you know that-" Spike's chuckling cut him off.

"Calm down, mate. Only rufflin' your feathers. I don't haveta bring a present, do I?"

"No Spike, of course not." Wes said dryly.

"Oh, come on, you know me better than that surely? Course I'll get you something. Whaddya want? Red, blonde, brunette- oh, already got one of those." Spike said smirking at him. Any outsider would think that they didn't like each other. But it was nothing more than friendly banter between two "brothers." Wesley laughed quietly at the thought.

"You know, Lilah would have your stones on a platter if she heard you talking to me getting another woman. One night stand or no."

"Yeah, then she'd come along and Lorraina Bobbin your crown jewels right after." Spike said. Wes nodded in agreement, resisting the temptation to pat his “boys” reassuringly.

"So I gather you're coming then?"

"Sure, but you do realize you're gonna have to invite the old man also, right?"

"Giles? Surely you can't-"

"Now, now. You know he's going through these changes. Bloke'll feel all left out if you don't invite 'im. Besides, more gifts for you, right?"

"Yeah, sure. I'm sure he'll fit in fine. He and Anya will be fine." Wes said not at all too surely.

Angel decided, although reluctantly, to go to Wes' celebration. He would have much rather have stayed at home with Connor, or even finish some of his work. He wasn't really a people person. But, Wes was his best friend after all. He would stay for the dinner and two drinks max, then go back home, alone. Men like him didn't deserve happiness of any sort anyway. His son and his work were his life, and nothing more.

He started feeling that way three and a half years ago, when he lost her. Darla—the love of his life. They were so happy together. The three of them, were all smiles and sunshine. Now it's mostly darkness. It's amazing how all of that can be ripped away from you in an instant. One afternoon, they were out for a family drive. Nowhere in particular, just out, enjoying the pleasant weather. Not too hot, not too cool. There was a nice breeze about, and few big, white fluffy clouds were out in the wonderful blue sky. The day had been perfect; too perfect.

Darla sat in the passenger side and Connor was sleeping peacefully in his car seat in the back. She had the window down. She wanted to feel the breeze wash over her. Angel stopped at a red light on one of the side streets. That's when it happened. A man came from nowhere and reached inside of the car, trying to reach Darla's purse. She in turn, though in shock, gasped as she roughly pushed him back in reflex. It all happened so fast. He was about to switch gears and pull away from the maniac, but then...

"You fucking greedy bitch!" He yelled. Then out of nowhere, the bastard pulled a gun on them and shot her in the chest. He smiled at Angel, he actually smiled at him before he grabbed the purse and ran off. He couldn't believe it was happening to him, to them, in broad fucking daylight.

"Darla, baby, Darla? Darla?!" His wife was staring blindly at the ceiling, but she was still alive. He drove as fast as he could, nearly getting into a head on collision to the hospital. He remembered sitting in that waiting room, rocking Connor in his arms. He was still asleep, but he thought he'd go insane if he did nothing.

A little while later, one of the surgeon's came out and told him that the bullet was lodged in a place they couldn't get too. In fact, they weren't even going to try until she had a blood transfusion and because of her weakened state. They let Angel in to see her, and she smiled weakly up at him lovingly. He gently grasped her hand. Her eyes were unwavering as she said "I love you so much. Take care of our baby." Then she started convulsing as he screamed for help. Before anyone got there, she was already gone...

After Darla's death and burial, Angel went out on a full vigilante mission. He would never forget that son of a bitch's face, and wouldn’t rest until he was dead, by his own hands. The police were doing all they could, which meant they weren't doing a enough. At the end of the day, it wasn’t their pain, it was Angel’s. And no one would care as much as he did; no one would really give a damn. Another senseless mugging; another senseless killing. But that was okay for Angel. He had his own plans for the thing that ruthlessly murdered his wife, and it had nothing to do with a jail cell.

Eight and a half months after his wife's murder, he found him. Daniel M. Holtz. Unfortunately for Angel, he found him in a bar, with lots of people around. Of course, that didn't stop him from attacking him and nearly bludgeoning him to death with a pool stick and breaking his back with just his foot. It took three guys to pull him away. When Holtz was done recuperating, he went to trial for murder in the first and was convicted one year later. Turns out Angel wasn't the only one missing a loved one at the hands of Holtz, though there was no solid evidence proving it. He was put away for a long time and wouldn't be up for parole for a good, long while. Justice was served, but Angel's broodiness remained.

The stupid police actually tried to accuse him for manslaughter. That filth would have deserved it. No matter. Wes got him off. He met him at his uncle's bookstore one day and he mentioned being a lawyer. He never thought he would actually need one someday. Well, not for criminal reasons, anyway. But some good did come of the whole ordeal. He started Angel Investigations with two of his friends, Fred and Gunn. Other people deserved their proper justice too.

He knew that his best friend Wes only had good intentions for him, and that he only wanted to get him out more. Angel decided to appease him this time and hoped that would keep him off his back for a little while about his lack of social life. Maybe he'd get lucky and simply disappear into the shadows...

*****************

"Oh, I just don't know what to wear, honey!" Willow shouted to her husband.

"Really, anything would be fine, sweetheart! Whatever it is, I'm sure Wes won't have any problem with it!" Xander shouted back. Ah, sweet, eager to please Willow. He loved her more than life itself. It only took for her to ogle some guitarist like a lost puppy for him to realize that she was the woman for him. They had always been together, since childhood. Willow always had a crush on him, and they dated for like two seconds in the fifth grade. But, in high school, she was just, well, Willow: best friend, study buddy, an escape from frequent arguments between his parents, and gal pal. He always loved her, but he truly fell in love with her senior year. He was her first and only, but he had experienced the touch of another.

Faith: wild child, and dark eyed beauty. In the "other crowd" at school. She was very much experienced and overtly horny at the time. She needed a ride after work one day, and he happily obliged, in more ways than one. Of course, he never told Willow of the incident, it would crush her. She thought they were each other's firsts. He wished. He had to always be gentle and kind; with Willow, it was always making love. Sometimes, he just wanted raunchy sex, but he wouldn't dare bring it up. How could he? It would be like, some sort of weirdo betrayal somehow.

They tied the knot right after graduation. At first, it was kind of strenuous because Xander wasn't going to college, but it actually turned out for the best. Starting out small on a construction site, he was now big business- head foreman. Life was sweet. They had a little boy, Jesse, who he adored. Dark hair and dark eyes, and a jokester like his dad. He had his mother's sweet smile and friendly disposition. Oh, and he was terribly brilliant. He knew the boy would make him real proud someday. But now, onto the party, have some drinks, and some supposedly adult conversation. Yuh huh. Thank god Spike would be there to liven things up a bit.

*****************

The Party...

Instead of bringing something silly like a paper weight or a tie, Spike brought something that Wes would really appreciate: a bottle of Dom Perignon. He would have bought some Cristal, but he did have a certain someone's college fund to worry about. Noticing that there weren't too many other cars out on the block, he walked up the steps and rang the bell.

"Spike, you didn't bring a date? How shocking." Lilah said in mock surprise as she let him in.

"Oh come, now. Know I like to keep my options open. Don't need anyone tying me down." He said as he handed her the bottle.

"Nice gift. See you put a lot of thought behind it."

"Hey, he'll love it. Am I the first one here?"

"No. Angel's out back. I guess he figured if he arrives first, he can leave first. Wes is still getting dressed." Spike nodded and headed towards the back. He found Angel out there alone, nursing a beer.

"Well, well. You actually came. Bet if it was my party, you would've stayed at home, all broody." Spike said as he sat down next to him.

"I'm not staying long. Work, ya know. Never ends." He said as he looked at his friend. Though as of late, it was kind of difficult. Spike was so out going; the proverbial social butterfly. But the only reason their friendship truly remained was because the loneliness in Angel got along with the lonely alter ego buried deep within Spike- William. Though their losses weren't the same, it still hurt just as much.

"Come on, Angel. This is a celebration. So let's celebrate." Spike said as he slapped him on the shoulder.

"I am, Spike. See? I've already got my drink." Angel said as he held up said bottle.

"Yea, well, 'you're never fully dressed without your smile.'" He said, smirking at him. Angel quirked an eyebrow before responding.

"Quoting Little Orphan Annie, I see?" Angel asked with humor in his eyes.

"Well, ya know. Dawn and her damn tapes... I swear I've got PBS' lineup memorized for the whole soddin' week." Spike said as he got up to get a beer for himself at the cooler.

"You didn't bring anyone?" Angel questioned when Spike came back to the table. Spike gave a long, exasperated sigh.

"Bloody hell. Come on, you know I like to be available if there's gonna be pretty women around."

"Spike, have you ever considered slowing down? I mean just a bit?" Spike pretended to mull this over in his mind before answering him.

"Well, Angel. I dunno. Call me old fashioned, but what's wrong with living in sin? I mean, look at you. You don't plan on being a monk for the rest of your life, do you?"

"Hey, I'll move on my own time, thank you." Angel said defensively.

"Alright, alright." Spike said as he held up his hands in mock surrender. He knew when to back off. Just then, Xander and Willow entered through the back door.

"Hey guys! How's it goin?" Willow said cheerfully. Angel and Spike smiled at her in turn. It was hard to ever be grumpy around Willow. Xander nodded at the two men before pulling up a chair for his wife at the table.

"Xander, I see the little woman let you out tonight." Spike said jokingly.

"Yea, cause I did all my homework and cleaned my room like a good boy before I left." Xander joked back as he sat down.

"Oh, Xander, Spike. You two are so silly. Angel, it's good to see you. You're looking well." Willow said in a bubbly tone.

"Thanks. You're looking lovely as usual, Willow." Angel replied.

"So, who else is coming?" Xander asked.

"Well, some of Lilah's lot and Giles and Anya." Spike said, taking a healthy swig.

"Really? Well this is definitely going to be an interesting evening." Xander said as he rose from his chair to get Willow and himself a drink. What he didn't know was how much of an interesting evening it was going to be...

******

"God, Cordy. I just don't see why we had to show up together. You're a grown ass woman.” Buffy groused as they approached the front door.

"Buffy, just because I didn't bring a date doesn't mean that I have to show up all alone like some loser. Besides, you shouldn't be complaining cause we all know how much of a crap driver you are. You're gonna need someone sober to drive you home. And if you vomit in my car, I'll have to kill you." Cordelia said as she rang the bell.

"Cordy, you know I'd never damage your lil' red Corvette. And hey! I'm not as bad a drinker as you're trying to make me out to me." Buffy said, a little put out by the fact that she thought she wasn't a responsible drinker.

"Yea right! You totally go all cave woman when you drink too much!" Cordelia retorted. Just then Lilah opened the door, all smiles and false cheerfulness at having all of those people in her home when it just should've been her and Wes having mind blowing sex.

"Ladies. Welcome to our humble abode." She said as she let them in. Cordelia sported a horrified expression on her face.

"Oh god! Where is everybody? We can't be fashionably late if we're the first ones here!" Cordelia exclaimed.

"Hey, not to worry. Everyone's out back." Lilah soothed.

"Including the birthday boy? Gotta give him his b-day licks." Buffy said.

"Yes, he is. But if anyone's hitting Wes it'll be me and you know it. But hey, those two hotties I mentioned are out there. How's bout you two go take a look see?" Lilah said as she walked away, heading towards the back. Her two friends followed.

The first thing Spike noticed was the huge knockers on the leggy brunette. Her short, tight burgundy dress showed off all of her curves. Then the fiery blonde came swaying in right behind her in her form fitting red halter dress and four inch heels. They both screamed sex.

"So many treats. Which to feast upon first?" Spike muttered to Angel. Angel of course ignored the innuendo and listened attentively as Lilah introduced Cordelia and Buffy. He had to admit they were pretty, and they also came dateless. Huh. Wes always was a tricky son of a bitch.

The first thing Buffy noticed was the shockingly white blond hair out at the table. God, what was this guy thinking when he decided to bash himself in the head with a bottle of peroxide? Buffy thought. Then she observed the rest of the package and decided that he was sexy as hell. And actually, the hair kind of worked. Then she noticed the brunette man with the goofy expression on his face, looking as if he were going to drool up a pool of saliva. To his right was a smiling red head woman with kind eyes, and next to the peroxide guy another brunette man with sad, soulful eyes. He was cute, but seemed he would be awfully lame. Hmm. Cordelia can have him she thought. She wanted to test out the blond, salty goodness. Wes, standing by the table of party guests, politely waved to the two as they came to their seats.

"Here we go." She whispered to Cordelia as all kinds of naughty thoughts did a marathon in her mind.

Spike was well aware of the hot blond eyeing him. He knew exactly what that look meant: sex. He found it quite interesting, actually. Usually, women weren't so bold with him. He kind of liked it. He decided to give her "the look" right back. When he did, she smiled slyly at him before getting up from her seat.

"Excuse me for a moment, everyone. I have to go to the ladies." She said casually. No one really noticed excepted for him. Everyone was engrossed in some story Red was tellin' about... something. Two minutes after she went into the house, Spike exited also. His blood was pumping in anticipation at the idea of her waiting for him in the loo. Unless of course, he read her signals wrong? Nah, he wasn't wrong. The bint definitely wants me. Spike crept up the stairs and slowly opened the bathroom door. The lights were off.

"Hey, luv. You in here- " Spike was suddenly cut off by shock as he was slammed against the bathroom wall.

*************

Lilah had noticed that the bleached duo had left the party. She wasn't sure if she should go see what they were up to and walk in on something she'd never want to witness, or to just wait until they came back and pretend as if nothing at all occurred between them somewhere in her home. She decided that ignorance was much more blissful. Just then, the doorbell rang.

"Oh, I'll get it, sweetheart." She said as she smiled at Wes. Well, at least he seems to be enjoying himself she thought.

"Lilah! We are very much pleased that you have invited us to your humble abode for a free meal and drinks which I can not consume. How are you?" Anya said, all aglow and full of cheerfulness. Giles just nodded his head in greeting.

"I'm fine, Anya. And how are the two of you?" She asked as she stepped aside to let the couple in. The sight of them together was odd, yet endearing as she watched them hold hands. They seemed to be genuinely in love. Hmm, maybe Anya isn't apart of his mid-life crisis after all she thought.

"Hey everyone!" Anya shouted, interrupting Willow's tale of... something incredibly boring. No one knew for sure exactly what it was about, but looked interested for the sake of being nice. Willow quickly covered up her slightly annoyed look with Anya and quickly put on one of her trademark smiles.

"Anya, Giles! Glad you made it! How was your trip?" Wes said enthusiastically, thankful for the reprieve.

"Very sweet. My new car was all smooth sailing." Giles said all smiles. That car made him really happy. Anya's pregnancy could testify to that. Giles walked over to his nephew and gave him a strong pat on the back.

"Happy birthday, Wes. May you have many more and all that rot." Giles said as he handed Wes a medium sized bag.

"Oh, Rupert, we were going to do the presents later when-" Lilah started in protest.

"Oh, bollocks. Everyone should be able to open up one present before all the others, isn't that right, old chap?" Giles said as he took out a cigarette. Anya quickly took it away and put it in her purse.

"Hey, give that back!" Giles yelled.

"God, stop being such an infant. I refuse to let my baby have little black lungs before it even has the chance to be born yet, Rupert." Anya retorted before she sat down with the others. Giles shrugged it off and sat down next to her and said hello to the guests. Then he noticed someone was missing.

"So Wes, is Spike here yet, or is he shaggin' off his willy somewhere?" Giles asked (completely unaware of the inappropriateness of the question in front of “mixed company”) as Wesley covered his face in partial embarrassment at his oddball family.

********

"Hey!" Spike yelled at the silent figure that roughly accosted him.

"Hey yourself. Didn't think you'd come. Then again, I bet someone like you could probably make me come all night. Am I wrong?" Buffy whispered huskily in his ear as she cupped his erection, which seemed to be deflating by each passing second. Her attack and directness put him through a loop, and she was scaring the hell out of Spike Jr.

"What's wrong? You don't seem too happy to feel me." Buffy said in a huff as she pulled herself off of him.

"Nothing- you just, startled me is all." Spike said, willing his erection to come back completely. He was irritated at the situation, yet also terrified. How could he, self proclaimed stud, lose an erection before cumming? This is bloody awful he thought ruefully.

"Ugh, whatever. I don't have time to play games, little man." She said as she began to exit the bathroom.

"Hey wait! Where are you going?"

"Back to the party, cause right now, that dull story that Wilma or whatever was telling seems a helluva lot more interesting then what's obviously not going on between you and me." She said as she stomped off. Spike turned on the bathroom light and splashed water on his face. He looked at his reflection for a moment before looking down and exclaiming," Hey! What the bloody hell is wrong with you!"

********

Buffy fled down the stairs as fast as she could. Fuck! That never happened before! How could she possibly make a guy lose an erection? What the hell was wrong with her? The only thing that that little scene did was bring up past uglies of how she wasn't good enough. Stupid Parker. Stupid bleached idiot. Maybe Lilah was wrong. Maybe that Spike guy really was gay.

When she got to the table, she was introduced to some chick named Anya and the infamous Giles. Gee, what a stellar guest list she thought ruefully. Where the hell was Faith? She desperately needed to get her mind off of her current misfortune.

"Hey, did anything happen between you and the hottie?" Cordelia whispered to her.

"Nuh uh. I never kiss and tell." She whispered back before taking a large gulp of her drink. As the raspberry Smirnoff burned her throat, she began to feel much, much better. Just then, the doorbell rang once again. By then, Lilah had dropped the facade of false cheerfulness, muttered an "oh, hell" and went to answer the door. As Lilah left, Spike entered. He tried to glance at Buffy, but she quickly turned her head and took another large gulp of her vodka, ignoring Cordelia's subtle protest of slowing down a bit.

"Spike, dear lord are you sick?" His father questioned.

"Yea, you look really flushed. If you are sick, could please sit further away, ya know, from me?" Anya asked.

"I'm fine, really. Just, a little warm is all." He responded noncommittally. Angel, Wes and Xander eyed him warily. They knew that something utterly terrible had happened in the last ten minutes.

Just then, the duo following behind Lilah interrupted them from their concerned thoughts.

"Everyone, this is Robin Wood and- " Lilah started.

"Harris, is that you? Hey, it's me, Faith!" She exclaimed. Xander felt the sudden urge to pass out just then. Instead he looked at his loving wife and smiled tryingly at her confused expression.
Xander was completely thunderstruck. Just the thought of sitting there with his first love, his wife, his Willow while his first screw was right across from them, Xander felt his body break out into one of those anxiety sweats while his right eye twitched every time he heard her name. He desperately hoped no one would notice.

"Wow Xander, Red. You two got hitched, huh?" Faith asked casually as she glanced at Willow's ring.

"Yep. Right after high school. We have a son, Jesse." Willow replied.

"Well congrats and all that. Really. But how'd you manage to make him commit? I've got a lotta trouble with this one over here." Faith said as she smiled happily at Robin.

"Well, he didn’t come like that, ya know. It took time. Men are like government bonds—they take an incredible amount of time to mature." Willow said thoughtfully, getting a chuckle out of all of the ladies.

*******
Soon after, everyone more or less broke off into their own private conversations.

"Well, Wes. Do you like it?" Giles asked enthusiastically as Wes eyed the glass ball.

"Is it some type of orb?" Wes asked cautiously.

"Bloody hell. It's a new age paperweight. I thought a businessman like you would appreciate it." Giles said irritably.

"Yes. We put much thought behind this gift. We got a great deal from Thesula Inc. They specialize in stuff like this." Anya added.

"I do appreciate it. Very much. Thank you." Wes said with a trying smile. God, only a couple of hours left of unbelievable, social torment. Wes thought.

*******
"Hey, you're awfully quiet. Uh, Angel right?" Cordy asked.

"Oh, uh, just not much for the talking." Angel said, not really looking at her.

"Yeah. I noticed. You're treating everyone like we've all got a bad case of B.O." She said jokingly.

"No, no. I just... I'm not much of a people person lately. It's nothing personal." Angel replied, finally looking at her.

"Bad break up?" She asked, genuinely curious.

"No, not- my wife died." He surprisingly blurted out.

"Oh, god. I'm so sorry. I didn't-"

"It's okay. It was some time ago. It's just... I miss her, ya know?"

"Yeah. Not personally, but I understand where you're coming from. A few years back, I lost a close friend of mine, Doyle. The pain never completely goes away."

"I suppose it will one day. It's just that, all of the little things around you are like a constant reminder."

"I don't mean to be um, coming on too strongly or anything. But I was wondering if you liked to go out sometime? It's just… you seem like an interesting person to get to know." Angel thought about it, but wasn't really sure it'd be worth the trouble. But, if she passed "the test," then he figured why not.

"Well sure. How bout we go out to the park or something? You could meet my son." He said, watching her reaction closely. She looked a little shocked, but not disgusted or put off in the least.

"Sure! That sounds nice. What's his name?"

"Connor. His name is Connor." Angel was truly stunned. Usually when he mentioned his son, a woman would go running for the hills, which he didn't mind. But maybe Cordelia would be different.

*******

"Hey Xander. How's it hangin'?" Faith asked coyly, eyeing his crotch. She waited until he was alone by the cooler.

"Hah!" He replied with a surprised yelp. "Long time, no see. Not that I want to see, ya know, 'things' again." He said, using his hands for emphasis.

"Hey, chill. I take it Wills doesn't know bout our one time tryst, huh?" She said with a grin.

"No. No she doesn't know. In fact, I was actually planning on her knowing in, oh say... Never."

"Yeah. I get it. It's not like I'd bring something like that up anyway at random. Besides, my man is here. I promise to not be scandalous. Well, with you anyway." She said as she looked fondly at Robin, who was currently talking animatedly with Willow about schools or something.

"Thanks. But, it was nice seeing you again. Even better with the clothes." He said with a small smile.

"You too, Harris. See ya around."

*******

Spike watched as Lilah and Buffy talked on, and he found himself mesmerized by the feisty blond. He felt like such a wanker earlier, and finally he couldn't take it anymore. He just had to talk to her again.

"Uh, Lilah, Buffy. Look, um, I was wonderin' if we could go out on what some people would call a 'date,' but I'd just like to think of as two people going out to eat dinner with conversation, that's not too personal in a well lit environment and shaking hands the most, possible contact. What do you think?" Spike asked, totally nervous and (gasps) fidgety. Well, you can take the ponce out of his nancy boy clothing, but...

"Gee... eating, talking, and shaking hands. Sorry, but I'm already involved with Lilah." Buffy said jokingly. Lilah just looked back and forth between the two.

"Well, Buffy, darling, it's totally alright with me if you see other people." Lilah joined in. Spike pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to stave off an intense migraine.

"S'okay. I understand." He said as he began to back away.

"Wait, Spike. I was just joking around. I'd like to go out with you and do that whole 'talking' thing of which you speak." Buffy said with a warm smile. She was curious about him and wanted to see what made him tick. Or maybe it was just the alcohol working on her brain. She usually wasn't one of giving second chances. Either way, it was a done deal.

*********

As the night progressed and the liquor continued to flow, everyone's inhibitions loosened up. Particularly Buffy’s. As the old saying goes, "loose lips sink ships."
"So, uh, Willow? How's this, uh, married life?" Buffy asked, her words slightly slurred.

"Oh, ya know. The usual married life?" Willow said, uncertain as to what exactly the drunken woman meant.

"Aww, come on! You're one of those house wives, right?" Willow shifted uncomfortably in her chair and glanced around at everyone, who had all eyes on Buffy.

"I mean, you watch his kid, wash his shorts, and clean his house, right?"

"I- I um… yes I do watch our kid, wash our clothes and clean our home. Why?" Buffy slammed her hand down on the table as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What about sex?" Buffy asked simply.

"Hey-" Xander started.

"What about it, exactly?" Willow said, getting a little ticked off at her personal question.

"Well, do you take a class? I mean, I'm sure that after awhile that the military position can get quite boring. Gotta keep hubby interested, don't we?" She with a giggle.

"Hey now, just a minute- " Spike started.

"Come on, B. Light up. Better yet, go home and sleep it off." Faith added.

"Oh, god." Cordelia said more to herself than anyone else.

"Oh, shut up, Faith. You know it's true." Buffy said. Xander resumed his nervous twitch, not sure what to say to it all. Then the first thing that came to mind didn't seem so bad.

"Hey, are sex life is fan-fucking-tastic, thank you very much. Maybe if you didn't drink so much, yours wouldn't pass you by so quickly." Xander said. Willow got up and walked quickly to the bathroom. She'd never been so humiliated!

"Yea right. Like those seven minutes you give to her like, what? Once a week is any good. God, that woman needs a stick out of her ass and a dick in her coochie, pronto! Maybe next time she won't be so damned boring." Buffy said off handedly.

"You can be the queen of bitches sometimes." Cordelia said as she stood up. Everyone else was stunned into silence.

"Oh, thank you sweetie!" Buffy said while smiling, thinking the statement a compliment. Cordelia grabbed her arm and dragged Buffy to her feet.

"Come on, you've worn out the welcome for both us. Thanks Lilah, for inviting us. Angel, call me!" She said cheerfully as she walked Buffy out the door. As they left, you could hear Buffy's whiny complaints of not wanting to go.

"Say, that Buffy's a barrel of laughs, isn't she?" Anya commented as she sipped her soda.

"Well, at least the entire evening wasn't a total loss. Angel and Spike are going out on dates, which is no small feat. I mean, that was the whole point of this major disaster. Wes? Wes?" Lilah said as she tapped his shoulder. But all he did was groan in protest of the horrible turn of events.

"Well, you know what they say: 'Tomorrow's another day.'" Giles said as he rose his glass up in an imaginary toast. Anya gave him a look of irritation before questioning him.

"What idiot said that? Of course tomorrow's another day."

No Silent Night

"Willow, please. I'm sorry, really. Can we just talk about this?" Xander pleaded through the bedroom door of their home. Willow had given him the silent treatment all the way home, then proceeded to give him a pillow and a blanket for the couch, and locking the bedroom door behind her.

"Xander, go to sleep. You have work in the morning, and I have... things to do. So go away."

"Hey, maybe I'll take the day off tomorrow? We gotta talk about this, Wills."

"No. Besides, Dawn's visiting tomorrow, and I'd prefer if you weren't here so she won't see me mad at you. Now go away before you wake up our son. Then I'll be really angry." Xander contemplated saying something else to his irate wife, thought better of it, and went to the bathroom to change into his bed clothes, even though he knew perfectly well that he wouldn't be getting much sleep at all.

************

The Morning Hangover

Buffy woke up with a terrible headache and tried to account for last nights events. Besides the Spike incident, everything afterwards seemed kind of hazy. All she knew for sure was that she had an extreme guilty feeling lurking in the back of her mind for god knows what. She popped some aspirin and called Cordelia to find out the damage she'd done.

"What?!" Cordy yelled into the phone, purposely. Buffy pulled back her cordless and winced.

"Geez, Cordy. Was I really that bad?" She asked meekly.

"Ugh, yea. You know, I warned you- repeatedly I might add, and yet you ignored my wise warnings. God Buffy, you made me look bad!"

"You? How did I-"

"The mere fact that I'm associated with you, especially by us coming together... You were drunk and- I've never been more ashamed and embarrassed and-"

"Okay, alright. I get the picture." Buffy said as she flopped back onto her pillows. "What'd I do?"

"Not what you did, what you said. You ripped that Willow chick to shreds. I mean, even though we all knew it was true, you never say things like that out loud. Ugh, gotta go. Talk to you later." Click. Buffy couldn't believe it. One of her best friends just hung up on her! How could she? Well, only one thing to do. she thought. Gotta make amends. She took another couple of aspirin and dialed up Lilah.

"Yes, Buffy?" Lilah asked impatiently. Buffy began to feel worse as the seconds ticked away.

"Uh, Lilah, I know you're probably all mad at me, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry. You haveta forgive me, please?"

"What? Oh, yeah, whatever. Look, I'm kinda busy right now." She said. Buffy could hear Wesley mumble something in the background.

"Oh, well uh... I need a quick favor. What's Willow's address and phone number?"

"What, are you fucking insane? Why'd I give that to you?"

"Because I want to apologize personally to her. And besides, the quicker you give it to me, the faster you can get back to giving it to Wes."

"Well, I could always hang up."

"Then I'd just call back; repeatedly."

"I'd unplug the phone."

"Lilah, please! I have to make it up to this Willow person. I know I was a major bitch and all, and she may never forgive me, but I have to try! I was gonna get her a fruit basket and everything. I gotta make it right." She complained. Lilah sighed into the phone, gave Buffy the information, hung up, and got back to giving Wes one of his many birthday presents.

*************

Dawn could tell that Willow wasn't her usual cheerful self. So Dawn attempted to stay out of her way as much as possible and quietly played Game Cube with Jesse. Just when Willow seemed to be in a good mood again, the doorbell rang and Mean Willow came out to play again.

"What are you doing here?" Willow asked, more flabbergasted than angry as she looked at the blond haired woman with the insanely large gift basket.

"I've brought you fruit, and cheese, meat, tea, jam- "

"But what are you doing here? At my house?" Buffy hung her head in shame as she explained.

"I'm sorry. I came to apologize. You see, I'm a terrible drunk, and I often lash out at people for no particular reason. I just hope that... you accept said apology. If not, then please take this gift basket as a peace offering. It's just, I'm not typically a mean person, it's just, I was having a bad night, and I- I'm so sorry." She finished as she looked the red head in the eyes. Willow gave her kind, sympathetic eyes and actually invited her in.

"It's okay. I'm sure that one day, I'll look back on this and la- well, still feel pretty bad, but hopefully I'll be over it by then." Willow said as she placed the enormous basket on the coffee table.

"Hey kids, this is Buffy. Buffy, this is Dawn and my son Jesse." Dawn pressed the pause button to get a better look at the newcomer. She looked nice and... tired.

"Hi. How do you know Willow?" Dawn asked from her seat on the floor.

"Oh, we met at this party." The kids looked at each other, shrugged, and continued to play their game. Willow motioned for Buffy to follow her to the kitchen.

"So, is that one of your son's friends, or is she one of those annoying kids that happen to miraculously live right next door to you? I was one of those." Buffy joked.

"Actually, she's sort of my niece. Well not by blood, but... She's my friend's daughter. I believe you met him?" Willow said as she motioned for her to have a seat.

"Oh, who?"

"Spike's." Everything seemed to run in slow motion for Buffy after that statement.

"Um, Buffy? Are you alright?" Willow asked with a concerned tone, finally breaking Buffy out of her stupor.

"Oh, I'm fine, just..." Buffy couldn't believe it. He has a kid? A daughter? She's gotta be like ten or something. Just great. A guy she might actually get a chance to know and potentially like (which was definitely few and far between- if there ever was one) and now she had to deal with his kid's mother, the ex-wife or whatever. Yay, Buff. You sure know how to pick 'em. She thought wryly.

"Is- I mean, was he married?"

"Huh? No, no. Dawn's mom, um... She's gone." Willow decided on letting the blond decide on what she meant by that. She for one was not going to tell Spike's business. She hated seeing cranky Spike. Just as Willow suspected, Buffy face fell as she came to a conclusion that would leave Willow free and clear of much explanation.

"Oh, when did she… you know?"

"Shortly after Dawnie was born. Spike doesn't like to talk about it." Buffy merely nodded her head in understanding. Somehow, that tidbit of info made her want to get to know Spike more. Maybe even talk to his daughter. It was totally weird, but now she felt some sort of connection with the girl. She knew what it was like to lose a mother.

"Say, are you guys doing anything? I'd like to treat you all to ice cream or something." Buffy said with a smile.

"Ooh, great! I love ice cream. Well, who doesn't, really? Except maybe those who are lactose intolerant. And even then, they’re probably just jealous." Willow said, returning the smile full force.

"Yea, jealous they can’t enjoy that dairy goodness." Buffy immediately stopped joking at the other's abruptly crestfallen face.

"Willow? What's wrong?"

"Do you remember… anything of what you said yesterday? Specifically to me?" She asked as she looked anywhere but at Buffy.

"I'm sorry. I'm kinda drawing up blanks after that third or fourth drink. What'd I say?" She asked, uncertain of the change in events.

"I guess you're very perceptive when you're drunk." Willow said with a humorless laugh. "It doesn't matter. It's not important." She said, shrugging it off.

"No, it's very important. Willow, you seem like a nice person who's totally different from my other friends, and I'd really like to get to know you. If there's anyway I can fix this- I don't want what I did to stand in between us. Things like this can eat away at you and cause resentment and... How will we ever have a chance at having a proper friendship after that?" Buffy rambled. Willow exhaled loudly and decided to tell the tale, albeit not in so many words.

"It's just that, you like knew that Xander and I weren't- that he wasn't very happy with me... In the bedroom. He never says it, but I always assumed that... I don't wanna lose him Buffy. Last night, I wouldn't let him come into our room, because I was angry with him, which was covering the fact that I was angry with myself, which was double covering the fact that I was angry with you for ever mentioning such private things and making me leave the blissful world of denial like I had been."

"Willow, I am so sorry that-"

"No, it's okay. Can't really fix a problem if you never acknowledge it, right?" Buffy remained silent as she thought very carefully of what she was about to say next.

"Do you want to fix it?"

***************

"Okay kids! Turn off the game and get your shoes!" Willow said, extra cheerful.

"But mom! I was just about to beat Dawn!" Jesse whined.

"Was not! I could beat you with my eyes closed." Dawn retorted with a huff.

"You can play later, guys. Buffy here's gonna take us all out for a special ice cream treat!" Willow exclaimed. The instant smiles on the children's faces showed their consent.

"Hey, thanks lady!" Jesse exclaimed as he ran past them all to get his gym shoes.

"You're pretty nice for someone we've only just met. You're trying to buy our affection are you?" Dawn asked with an arch of her eyebrow, a smirk and a maturity beyond her years. Buffy gave her an amused look. She noticed how much the girl resembled Spike in that instant.

"Don't mind her. She's just Daddy's girl after all, aren't you Dawnie?" Willow said as she playfully tickled the girl's sides. The girl laughed in merriment before retrieving her shoes also.

"She's cute. I'm guessing the apple didn't fall too far from the tree, huh?" Buffy asked.

"Nope, not at all."

***************

They all had a good time at the Rainbow Cone. The jokes, the ease in each other's company, Willow felt as if she had known Buffy her whole life, and vice versa. Everything was going smoothly until Jesse hopped out of his seat.

"Where are you going?" Willow asked.

"To the bathroom, mom." He said as he tried to quickly
go to the men's room.

"Oh no you don't, mister. You know the rules." She said as she stood up, grasping his hand.

"Aww, ma! It's just a toilet." He complained.

"In a public place. In a few years, I'll let you go alone." She said as she pulled him to the ladies room.

"Wow. Kinda like the over protective mother bird, isn't she?" Buffy said.

"Not really. Anything could happen to a little boy in a men's room. Safe and embarrassed is better than sorry and, I dunno, something horrible." Dawn said as she wiped her hands and face from the remnants of chocolate ice cream. Dawn shifted uncomfortably in her seat as the blond stared at her.

"What?" She said, slightly irritated, slightly curious.

"Nothing, it's just... You're very interesting, if not peculiar. Not that that's a bad thing-"

"You're pretty 'peculiar' yourself." Dawn said with air quotes and a giggle. Buffy laughed with her.

"So, how's life?" Buffy asked. Dawn slightly scrunched up her face at the question.

"I dunno. Okay, I guess?"

"Is it fun? I mean, with only you and your dad?" Buffy didn't miss the girl's eyes light up.

"My dad? Oh, he's a blast! Plus, he's a real push over." Dawn said with a conspirator’s wink wink. "You should meet him. He's totally awesome." Dawn said with a smile.

"Oh, I have. He was at that party. He seems really interesting and... peculiar." Buffy said with a smile. Oh my god! Dawn thought. She couldn't believe her good fortune. Buffy was great, and she knew and liked her dad, well, as far as she could tell. Unless she was laughing at him- which, Dawn didn't think she was. She really like Buffy, and hoped that things would take a happy turn from there.

"Yes, he is. You should get to know him, I mean, us better. I bet we'd have lots and lots of fun." Dawn said with a big smile. Just like a family. She added to herself.

Willow was in good spirits. Buffy was a blast to have around. She was actually quite down to earth once you got to know her. Evidently, Dawn thought so too. It appeared as if the two had known each other their whole lives. It was almost as if they had some sort of instantaneous connection, well, once the ice was broken. They couldn't stop laughing and talking and giggling at stupid things together. It was actually quite refreshing to see. She couldn't remember the last time Dawn laughing out loud like that. How unfortunate it would all have to end. Well, for Dawn at least.

She knew what type of man Spike was, and she knew that he'd be mightily P.O.ed at the idea of his daughter becoming overly familiar with some female who wasn't apart of their "inner circle." Especially one of which he planned on dating, screwing, whatever. Dawn never once met one of her father's "lady friends," and he sure as hell wasn't going to start now. But, it all seemed so unfair. If Buffy could actually succeed at making Dawn and Spike happy, then why not give it a chance? Of course, as soon as she heard the doorbell ring and saw Spike on her front porch, attempting to cover up his already surly mood, she knew the jig was up. She gave a quick glance to her couch where the two were before looking at Spike again. Her nervous look probably gave way to him that something not to his liking was happening, but his rigid stance at seeing his only child with Buffy sealed the deal. Poor Dawnie. She thought. If only he knew how truly lonely she was...

*****************

Spike was pissed. Really, really pissed. His agent gave him the bad news of how the publishers weren't too sure of his latest manuscript. Said it was lacking. They were vague and ambiguous about what the hell they waned. Didn't they think it would carry the same appeal as his previous books? Guess not.

"Bloody, stupid, bastards. Don't know a work of art if it were to bite 'em in the ass." He muttered to himself as he drove down the highway in his black Escalade, blasting the Ramones. He was in one of his two favorite cars (the other being his vintage DeSoto at home), playing one of his favorite CDs, and legally speeding down the asphalt. And still, he was mad as hell. But, he thought, I have to get myself together. Wouldn't do any good to let Dawnie see her old man in a pissy mood.

Dawn and he had an excellent father-daughter relationship. He hated her seeing him in an unpleasant mood. He was always quick to appease her, giving her whatever she needed or wanted. Except in that one moment when he entered the Harris residence. He knew something was up from the nervous look Willow was giving him. He stepped inside warily, and then he saw her, all smiles, sitting in between the legs of one Buffy Summers while she played in her hair. It didn't take a genius to see how close they were becoming in well under twenty-four hours. God, how he hated making the hard decisions. The last thing he needed was to see the two of them become close.

'It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.'

Hah! Sod that. He thought to himself. Dawn deserved the best of everything. Especially after Dru... She didn't need someone else abandoning her, for whatever reason. Even if she didn't know it ever happened in the first place.

"Come on Dawn, I promise it'll be cute!" Buffy said with a giggle in her voice.

"Yea right! I can feel how stupid it's gonna look! Maybe I should do your hair." Dawn said in between laughs.

"Hey, Bit. Time to go." He said solemnly. The two raised their heads in sync with one another and looked at him. Dawn with a sudden look of disappointment at having to leave, and Buffy with one of surprise at his presence.

"Hey Spike." Jesse said from his spot on the floor, all the while not taking his eyes off of the television from his precious video game.

"Hey Spike. Just stopped by to say hello." Buffy said as she got up from her seat, walking towards him. Spike smiled lightly at her. He wasn't really paying attention, actually. He was focusing on getting out of there as soon as possible, his mind screaming to Dawn "Hurry up!" every so often. It was a complicated situation that he wanted to avoid completely. But, the longer he stood in front of Buffy, the longer he'd have to talk to her- about his personal, family life. Damn.

"Didn't know you had a kid." She stated, still all smiles. Seemingly happy at the idea of him having a kid. Yeah bloody right.

"Oh, well, never came up, did it? And how bout you? I'm guessing no on the kiddie front?" He asked, trying to turn the conversation to personal information about her.

"Nah. But Dawn is totally cool. I'm so glad we met. So, we still on?" She asked happily.

"What? Oh, yeah. Sure." He said uneasily. Buffy glanced briefly at Dawn as she slowly put on her shoes before looking back at him.

"Well, Dawn and I were talking, and uh, we were wondering if the three of us could do something together?" Spike's eyes nearly popped out of his head at the seemingly innocent question. What the bloody hell was Dawn thinking?

**************

Buffy wasn't that surprised at the look on Spike's face. In fact, she was kind of expecting it. But what could she do? It was all Dawn's fault; suckering her with her big, blue eyes and fast talking.

Oh, come on Buffy! It'll be fun. We get to hang out again, and my Dad'll have to pay for everything! I mean, we could like go out during the early day, and then if you really wanted some "grown up" time, though I mean, I don't see what the whole big deal is anyways, I could always come back here and hang with Jesse or something. Come on! Please, please, you haveta at least ask him. The worst that could happen is that he'll say no. She pleaded earlier with her.

Buffy had to admit, though, it certainly would be interesting. Dawn was fun, and Spike intrigued her. She had nothing to lose, really. She would like to spend time with them, that is, if Spike allowed it.

She could understand his being over protective. Really, she could. But she could identify with Dawn more. She knew exactly what it was like to grow up with out a mom. Hell, she didn't even have real friends until she went to college. Her dad always doted on her, giving her the best of everything, but never really any affection. Elizabeth was a lonely, only child. She would hate it if Dawn was subjected to the same fate as her. She liked Willow, and she liked the Giles'. Buffy definitely wanted to get to know them better.

*****
“Hey, this is nice.” Cordelia commented offhandedly as she strolled beside Angel in the park. He continued to push the stroller in silence.

“Do you think the lil guy would like to stretch his legs a bit?” She asked as she looked up at him. He glanced down at her and gave a quick nod before stopping. He bent down to unbuckle Connor from the stroller. Taking initiative, Cordelia grabbed the toddler before daddy had a chance to and picked him up, swinging him around slowly in her arms.

“Uh, be careful with him.” Angel admonished as he watched his son squeal in delight to a broad smiling Cordy.

“Boy, I didn’t ever think I’d get the chance to hold the little tyke. I think he actually likes me. Shocker.” Cordy said as she stopped, looking at a now less worried Angel. He lowered his eyes a bit before responding.

”Sorry. I just- I just worry a lot I guess.” He admitted sheepishly. Cordelia gave him a warm smile.

“Hey, it’s no problem. I can understand your sentiments. ‘The over protective, single parent.’ Just, try to get over it, kay?” She said with lightness in her voice. He smiled slightly at the truth in her words.

“I’ll try. But I’m not making any promises.” He said as he extended his hand to “shake on the deal” of actually trying.

“Deal.” She said as she firmly grasped his hand. For a moment they locked eyes at the contact, but Angel abruptly shrugged it off.

“You seem pretty good with kids. Had any previous experiences?” He asked as he folded up the stroller. Cordelia gave him a funny look while he had his back to her and then “accidentally” checked out his cute ass. Oops! She thought to herself before realizing she hadn’t replied to his question.

“Umm, just a little bit with a cousin of mine, but I’d personally like to think I just have a natural proclivity for it. Somehow I get the impression that this is turning out to be some sort of weirdo babysitter interview.” She joked. Angel stood up and regarded her carefully.

“No, it’s just... I find you to be an interesting woman, Cordelia Chase.” He smiled at her surprised expression before walking again. Cordelia was intrigued by him, to say the least. She glanced down at the little boy walking down beside her with a genuine smile gracing her face.

“Thanks, Lilah.” She said quietly to herself as she continued down the path next to Angel.

*************

“Aaah!” Buffy and Dawn screamed with delight in unison. Spike couldn’t help but smile at their infectious glee. They opted for spending a day at the amusement park. What was it about roller coasters that got people in a really good mood? I mean honestly, ever noticed how having the piss scared out of you brings a closeness amongst family and friends? Not that Spike was scared in the least. Well, at least not scared of the ride.

Being able to observe Buffy and Dawn together warmed the cockles of his heart. And he also admitted to himself (although reluctantly) that the three of them did mesh well. Almost as if they had some sort of automatic connection. Buffy was wonderful. Funny, caring, gentle, and smiles and sunshine all rolled into one. But there was still a problem, however. He used to feel the same about a raven haired beauty long ago. She later crushed him with his own feelings. The incident made him a better man, though. He could take the loss if it ever occurred. But what of his little girl? He desperately wanted to keep her as far away as humanly possible from pain, heartbreak, and suffering. But on that same token, by sheltering her, was he also keeping her away from happiness?

Later on that night after dinner as promised, Dawn was left in the Harris’ care for a sleep over. Buffy and Spike found themselves at the beach to (gasps) talk.

“You and Dawnie seem to be hittin’ it off really well.” Spike said as he glanced at the star lit sky. Taking a quick look at his chiseled features and then abruptly looking ahead of her, Buffy responded.

“Yeah. She’s kind of like that little sister I’ve always wanted. It was hell growing up as an only child.”

“I never knew really knew what that was like. I was an only child, but Wes moved in with us when I was four.”

“It must have been fun. Having someone to relate to.”

“Uh, yea. I guess so. I’m guessing you didn’t?” He prodded.

“No. I wasn’t so lucky. I didn’t have many friends either. Then I lost my mom on top of that, and-“

“You lost your mum?” He accidentally interrupted, stopping in his tracks. Buffy eyes grew wide at her admission. She didn’t like to discuss her private life with, well, anyone. Particularly the painful memories of losing her mom, but somewhere inside of her, she felt the need to tell him of the loss. She felt the insane need to be honest with him. God, I’m losing it. She thought.

“Yeah. Complications after surgery. She had a brain tumor.” She finished as she looked out at the dark waters.

“How old were you?” He asked in a quiet voice.

“Ten. Dad didn’t pay much attention to me after that. You know, he couldn’t deal with it himself, and avoided dealing with me all together. I was sent to boarding school soon after.”

“Sorry to hear that, pet.” Taking a deep breath, he decided to disclose some secrets of his own. Out of habit, he raked his fingers through his hair, slightly disheveling the gel.

“I was sixteen. But luckily for me, I still had my dad and Wes. Don’t know what I’d have done without them.”

“It’s nice to have someone to count on. But I didn’t get that till much later. Lilah and the girls are my support group.” Spike tilted his head thoughtfully at that.

“I suppose the guys are mine too.” He said with a slight grin. Buffy got a somber look on her face at that before asking a personal question quietly.

“Were they there for you when Dawn’s mom died? Death is a hard thing to cope with.” She said seriously. Spike gave her an incredulous look before asking her harshly, “Who the bloody hell told you anything about Dawn’s mother?”

Buffy could tell that she’d obviously hit a sensitive subject- an overtly tender nerve. With a worried expression she said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.” She said in a soft, meek voice that was strangely reminiscent of Elizabeth- the queen of dorkiness. Hearing her own voice in that instant made her want to hurl.

“Yeah. I’m sure ya didn’t. So, you thought the bitch was dead, huh?”

“What? Bitch? I-"

“Well, I guess in a way she is. Dead to me anyway.”

“Spike, what happened? W- Uh, someone said that she was gone. I naturally assumed that she...”

“Well, guess you were grossly misinformed, luv.” He sneered. Being reminded about Dru instantly reminded him why he had sworn off intimate relationships with women in the first place. This was more than likely the cause as to why he decided to say something stupid and awfully rude in that moment.

“So, you wanna shag or what?” He asked casually as he looked down, reaching for his pack of cigarettes and silver lighter. She observed him with a look of shock before responding.

“Excuse me?”

”Do you wanna fuck, luv?” She gave him a humorless chuckle before punching him in the nose.

“Bloody hell! What’d you do that for?” He yelled, instantly dropping the pack and lighter in the sand as he grabbed his now tender nose.

“Hey, you’re lucky I didn’t break it. You really pissed me off, is all."

“I don’t see why you’re all dainty all of a sudden. The first night we met, you jumped all over me.” He said, holding one hand to his nose and using the other to retrieve his fallen mentholated smokes and treasured lighter.

“I- that was... Different. Yeah. Totally different situation.”

“How so luv?” He said, finally removing his hand from his nose.

“For one thing, no drinking was involved, and I actually conceived the thought that we were enjoying each other’s company.”

“If I recall correctly, you weren’t drinking until after we met up in the bathroom.”

“You know what? You’re absolutely right. And I probably would’ve enjoyed your company then too, if you were up to par.”

“Yeah. Whatever, look- this little thing between us can’t possibly go anywhere. I intend on being a permanent bachelor. Not so good on the whole ‘long term relationship’ deal.”

“And why is that, exactly? Not that I’m like this expert on lasting relationships, but, it seems to make my friends happy. Having someone, that is. Not saying that you and I are long term, or could ever be long term, especially with each other, but, just curious as to why you’ve taken yourself out of the emotional market.” Spike gave her a side wards glance as he took a square from the pack and lit it up. On an exhale of smoke, he replied as nonchalantly as possible.

“Well, you seem like a smart bird, so I guess you figured out that it involves Dawn’s mother.”

“I did. So what happened?”

“Well, I’ll only tell you my personal, private business if you tell me why you shut yourself down as far as relationships go also.” She gave him an amused look before saying, “Deal.”

“Dawn’s mum- Drusilla, she um... She was my first love, is what she was. We were supposed to get our careers, get married, have kids, and live the happily ever after. Of course, it didn't happen in that exact order. She got pregnant first. You see, she couldn’t handle it- being a mother that young. So what does she do? She leaves, and... She just abandoned us. And Dawn was so young, and bright and innocent. How could she just...” He trailed off in a whisper. Closing his eyes and fighting back the strong, tumultuous emotions he was feeling, he looked at her expectantly.

“And what of you, pet?” By then, Buffy had crossed her arms over her chest, feeling way lame for her story. It was nothing in comparison to his.

“I uh- I fell very much in love with someone who didn’t love me back.” She said with a casual shrug and a rueful smile.

“I loved Parker more than anything. Sometimes, it seems as if it happened lifetimes ago, and sometimes, like now, feels as if it only happened yesterday. He played me for a fool, and I was too dumb and blind to see it. It was so awful. I thought he was the only person I could trust, ya know? I didn’t have many, well, any close friends, my mother was gone, and my father only showed his interest in me by tossing money my way. When I found Parker, I actually believed that someone cared.” She said as she looked off into the distance. Spike remained silent. She looked at him, and still could see the raw pain beneath his solid exterior. She walked slowly to him and embraced him in a hug. Though he hugged her back, he questioned, “What’s this for?”

“I just thought it was something that we both needed.” She replied as she placed her cheek on his shoulder.

“And what’s that, luv?” He asked as he placed his chin on her head.

“Comfort.”

"So, how'd your not a date go?" Wesley asked Angel as casually as possible. The other seemed to be very much in thought, and Wesley wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. It had been a few days since Angel went to the park with Connor and Cordelia, and Wesley had not heard from him. According to Lilah, Cordelia had been MIA from their little group of friends every so often lunches together, and hadn't even been answering her phone. Mobile or home. Lilah thought this to be blatantly odd behavior, and demanded that Wesley find out what had or had not been transpiring between the two for her from Angel's perspective.

"Hmm? What?" Angel asked, totally oblivious as to what Wesley was talking about.

"I asked how are things coming along with you and Cordelia? Have you spoken to her at all?" Wesley watched Angel's face carefully for signs of a reaction. There was a flittering smile, before he reverted to his usual brood mode. Wesley was confused, yet intrigued by this.

"Angel?"

"I honestly don't know Wes. We had a great time that day. Connor's taken an extreme liking to her. Watching them together, it- it makes me feel this fondness for her, you know?"

"Yes." Wesley waited patiently for his friend to continue.

"And these past few days, we've been together. The three of us, I mean. It all felt, I dunno, full circle I guess. But last night, Fred baby sat for me, and we finally got to enjoy each other's company." Angel said with a furrowed brow.

"So, is that good or bad?" Wesley asked hesitantly.

"See, that's the thing. I really like Cordy, and... But somehow it all feels... odd." Wesley noticed the endearing nick name he used for her. Taking a mental note, he made no verbal comment about it.

"What's odd, exactly?"

"It's like- like I'm betraying Darla's memory. I loved- love her so much Wes." He confessed.

"I know. But don't you think she'd want you to be happy?"

"But isn't it too soon? Or what if, things work out with me and Cordy, and I lose her too?" He asked worriedly.

"Angel, you can't go through your life playing the 'what if?' game. I think that, if you and Cordelia can make each other feel happy, then don't pass that up. Don't let your fears consume you. I think that Darla would want you to live- as happily as humanly possible." Wesley said reassuringly. "How does she feel about you?"

"I don't know, Wes. I just know that, when she smiles at me, it warms my heart." Angel said with a slightly bashful smile. For the first time in a long while, Wesley thought his friend had let go of his demons and finally allowed himself to be happy.

*********

"So I noticed the Dawnster spent the night at our house. I take it you had a successful evening last night?" Xander asked as he easily shot a ball into the corner pocket.

"Successful meaning what?" Spike asked as he watched Xander line up his next shot. He slowly took a swig from his beer as he waited for his friend to go into further detail for the question. Spike debated on how truthful he should be with his answer.

"I mean, did you score?" Xander asked as he made his next shot.

"Well, I did have her in my enticing embrace for awhile. Only not in the way you think." He finished. Spike began chalking up the pool cue so as not to have to look Xander in the eyes.

"So, in what ways did you... embrace her?" Xander asked, using his hands for emphasis.

"Actually, we had this quaint lil' heart to heart, and then she hugged me. Hugged me for a long while." In fact, it had only been about ten to fifteen minutes, which, could be considered a long time... But it became late, and the silence, which initially started out as comfortable became in fact uncomfortable as un-kosher thoughts and hypothetical broken hearts drifted in both their minds. They broke apart simultaneously and walked in silence to the SUV. Tempted to kiss her goodnight, he instead opted for a lingering glance, which she returned in kind. God, I'm such a git. Spike thought to himself on the drive home.

Feeling the after effects of not have gotten laid in the past several days, he decided that a good wank-off would be just the trick. What started off as a steamy thought of a ménage et trois of Halle Berry and Jennifer Garner, mysteriously evolved into the petite blond he had shared his evening with.

"Fuck, Buffy!" He yelled right before he came, stroking his hardness vigorously as he envisioned Buffy riding him at a gallop, making him pop like warm Champaign.

"Wait, so you guys just hugged? That's it?" Xander asked, giving Spike a very much bewildered expression.

"We... had an understanding."

"Uh huh. An understanding as opposed to getting some. What, she resisted your killer abs and dashing good looks?" Xander asked in a slightly sarcastic voice. He really was confused, and slightly frightened. My god, if Spike can't get laid... He decided to not finish that train of thought.

"Look, I know you're my best cheerleader and all," Xander scoffed at that with a roll of his eyes. Spike merely smirked as he continued. "But I think it was for the best. Buffy just may help me overcome my relationship-phobia. Plus Dawn like, really likes her. It's kinda weird, actually." Spike said thoughtfully.

"Actually, Willow likes her too. In spite of what she said at Wes' party. But it's so not fair. I get put in the dog house cause of what Buffy said. That's just not right." Xander groused.

"Well, how's bout you make it up to Red and shag her until she passes out. Go get laid for both of us, Harris."

"You're going cold turkey? No visits from your little female friends? No more booty calls?!" Xander asked, completely flabbergasted.

Spike merely shrugged his shoulders before replying.

"I could always go back. Just, uh... trying something different. But Xander, don't forget bout what I said."

"Um, which part?"

"Bout Willow. Make her really happy." He said with an arch of his scarred eyebrow. Xander gulped slightly in response.

**********

"Wow. So after all of that- the whole incident of which we know nothing of at my house, all you guys did was hug?" Lilah asked, incredulous. Their whole clique was assembled at the restaurant; except for an elusive Cordelia. Her presence was being occupied by a contrastingly quiet Willow.

"I know. But it's like I could really... ya know. Like 'like' him." Buffy said shyly as she stared into her pink lemonade.

"He made me feel like my old self again- though, I'm not so sure that's a good thing exactly. And Dawn is just the sweetest little thing..." she absently trailed off.

"Man, B's finally got it bad." Faith said playfully. Buffy tossed a piece of breadstick at her in response.

"I so do not. He's just... intriguing."

"Well, give it time, Buffy. Don't rush, but don't dawdle along either." Lilah advised. Buffy knitted her brows in concentration as she nodded absentmindedly.

"Has anyone heard from Cordelia? At all?" Faith asked. It had been nearly four days since anyone had heard from the chatty brunette.

"According to my Wes, she's been spending all of her free time with Angel. I take it they're hitting it off quite well."

"Oh! That's so sweet. Angel's finally seeing someone. I hope they get a happy ending." Willow said wistfully. All heads automatically swiveled to her.

"So, she can speak. For a minute there, I thought you had laryngitis or something, Red." Willow smiled at the nickname.

"That's funny you should call me that. I mean, not funny 'ha ha' cause it's an obvious observation, but Spike's the only one who calls me that. That and you never called me that before- in high school." she rambled.

"So what does Xander call you?" Faith asked- temporarily oblivious to Willow's sudden discomfort.

"Faith!" Buffy said in admonishment. Lilah merely took another sip of her water.

"Oh! I didn't mean anything by it. I wasn't trying to be bitchy I swear."

"It's alright." Willow said.

"I'm just so used to being blunt with everyone, ya know? This is the place where we usually divulge are girly secrets and stuff. Questions, fantasies, tips, etc. I was just treating you like everyone else."

"I get that. No offense taken. But um... we don't really do the whole 'pet name' thing. Actually, in the past week, we haven't done much of anything. But that's more or less my fault."

"How's that sweetie?" Lilah asked. Just as well. Buffy thought. She had planned on having a one on one conversation with Willow about the personal aspects of her life, but this was probably good too. Different input from different women. Willow seemed comfortable enough about it all.

"Well, I'll admit that I was pretty pissed at him for like- a day. But lately I just... we used to have like, a routine almost. We were in a rut, ya know? I just haven't really felt like the 'same ol', same old', and I didn't plan on doing anything until some changes were made. Except, I wasn't too sure what changes should be made. I guess we have the sort of relationship where he feels there are certain things he can't do with his wife, but, I wouldn't mind trying." Willow confessed.

"Oh, like oral sex and stuff?" Faith guessed.

"Um... yea. And stuff."

"Xander isn't exactly a take control of guy, I'm guessing. You'll probably have to make the first move." Buffy added.

"Okay. Well, that sounds simple enough, but I've never... ya know. Xander's the only guy I've ever been with."

"And yet ya still haven't gotten your nasty on after all these years."

"Now Faith, we're here to advise, not criticize." Lilah said.

"I wasn't. Just an observation." Faith replied with a shrug of her shoulders, leaning back in her chair.

"Well my observation is that no matter what you do, it'll catch him off guard, confuse him at first, and then make him incredibly turned on." Buffy said.

"Confidence is key. Know that you're in control, and embrace that knowledge." Lilah added.

"Okay, enough words of empowerment. Let's get down to the nitty gritty. Let's talk techniques blow by blow." Faith said.

"I'm guessing the pun is intended there, right?" Willow asked sheepishly. Change is necessary. Willow thought. It's up to one of us to take a step forward. Might as well be me. Just hope I can pull it off...

*********

The past several days, Dawn felt almost as if her family unit was complete. Buffy was almost always around one way or another- especially since she had become friends with Willow. Dawn simply couldn't help herself from practically bouncing off the walls with happiness. Though she had to admit that Buffy was more like a big sister than a motherly type. But she didn't mind. Her dad seemed to really like Buffy too.

"Buffy is just so cool you guys. You have to come over some time when she's over, which is like almost always." Dawn said on the slight side of giddy as she washed her hands. Her friends Tara and Janice listened attentively, prolonging their bathroom break so as not to be back in class too early. After all, gym was next.

"D- do you think they'll get married?" Tara asked, happy for her friend. Dawn shrugged her shoulders as she silently pondered the question.

"It sounds like she'd make an awesome step mom though." Janice said.

"Yea. But I don't see myself calling her that. She'd still just be Buffy."

"Too bad she's not your real mommy." Kiersty said as she approached the threesome, backed by her two lackies. Kiersty was the type of girl who thought she was better than everyone, and spent most of her time making fun of the other kids in class. She more or less thought she was god's gift, with her expressive (though sinister) hazel eyes and long, flowing blond hair. Though she was popular, a lot of the kids still didn't like her. Dawn narrowed her eyes at the girl.

"Shut up. It's none of your business." Janice said defensively. Tara looked at Dawn with a worried look on her face. Kiersty held up her hands in mock defense.

"It's not my fault if her mommy didn't love her." All of the girls in the wash room stopped whatever it was they were doing to listen then. Everyone had a look of shock on their faces at the statement. Except for Dawn. She looked crushed.

"What are you talking about?" Dawn asked tentatively, feeling her blood rush. She just knew she was blushing from impending embarrassment.

"I heard my parents talking before. Your mother isn't dead. She just simply left cause she couldn't stand you anymore." she said snottily.

"Shut up, Kiersty. That's enough." Tara said firmly.

"Yeah. You would stand up for your band of freaks, wouldn't you Tara?" Tara just stared at the other girl. She didn't know what else to say.

"She said shut up. And if you don't, I think I'll have to make you." Janice said, stepping in front of her two friends. It was more or less a staring contest until the bell rang. The girls began to disperse and head to the gym, all except Dawn, Tara, and Janice. Dawn watched Kiersty leave, her pony tail swinging behind her as if it was mocking her too. How she hated her.

"You okay Dawn?" Tara asked. Dawn just nodded her head. She followed her friends out of the wash room as she continued to think of what was said about her mother. The more she thought, the more she saw red...

********

"Mr. Giles, some kind of punishment must be executed. I'm afraid, Dawn will have to serve two week's detention." Ms. Li, the principal explained calmly.

"I understand." Spike said, thinking that Dawn got off kind of easy.

"What?" exclaimed Mr. Hawthorne, Kiersty's father. "She cut off my daughter's hair! A few days detention is all you can do!" he exclaimed, turning red in the face from all of his yelling.

"Well I've gotta say, your daughter did provoke the incident to occur. She really shouldn't have said that." Spike said. He had heard the story, from Dawn, Janice, Tara, and a few of their classmates. After gym, Dawn came up with the clever idea of waiting for Andrew, the boy who sat behind Kiersty to leave his seat during the health movie. Evidently, his going to the bathroom was like clockwork because of his weak bladder. Dawn quietly slipped into his desk behind the girl with a large pair of scissors borrowed from the teacher. In one swift, cutting motion, Kiersty's long, golden braided pony tail was gone.

"It was just words! She never touched her." Mr. Hawthorne exclaimed, jumping up from his seat and looking down at Spike and Ms. Li. Spike rolled his eyes before looking at the man.

"They were fighting words. Maybe your daughter should learn to keep her thoughts to herself." He said calmly. Mr. Hawthorne stood up to his full height, which was about a good three inches more than Spike's, locking his eyes on him.

"I think what would be fair is if your daughter's hair was cut too." He said in a loud voice. Spike stood up then.

"Are you thick or something? You must be insane if you think I'll allow that to happen." He said, narrowing his eyes at the man. Seeing another possible situation, Ms. Li walked around her desk and stood in between the two men. With her hands on her hips, she looked pointedly at Mr. Hawthorne.

"Dawn will serve the punishment that I have issued. Under the circumstances, and since this is a school, my school to be exact, I know what is appropriate. Dawn will serve out her two week’s detention for what she's done, and both girls are going to apologize to each other. That will be the end of it." She said, her tone of voice leaving no room for arguments. Mr. Hawthorne sent an angry glare at both of them before leaving.

"Thank you Ms. Li. I'll talk to Dawn about her vengeance streak. I can assure you it won't happen again." Spike said to the woman.

"I hope so, Mr. Giles. But then again, there isn't much to cut now, is it?" She said with a twinkle in her eye. Spike grinned back at her.

"Everyone should know our school policy by now: if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all. I don't agree with Dawn's tactic, but I do believe that Miss Hawthorne will be keeping all ill thoughts to herself from now on."

Spike had been utterly shocked when the school called him for a conference about Dawn. She had never been in trouble before, and now here she was with a two week's worth of detention. As much as he wanted to be upset, he simply didn't have the heart. She was hurting and lashed out. To be frank, he wasn't sure how to handle the situation exactly.

"So, are ya mad at me?" Dawn asked quietly from the passenger side of the car on their drive home. Glancing at her briefly, he answered a mere, "No." Dawn exhaled a sigh of relief as she collected her thoughts.

"Dad, she didn't die, did she?" She asked cautiously. They never really talked about her mother. Spike swallowed hard as he thought of what to say.

"No. She left." He said quietly.

"Why?" She asked, confused and a little bit hurt and angry at the woman she never knew.

"I don't know, baby. I just think that she wasn't ready to be a mum yet. I'm sorry I lied to you sweetheart. I never meant to hurt you." Dawn looked at him then, thinking back on how their lives of just the two of them together had been. She loved her father more than anything, and her mother, whoever she was, must have been stupid miss out on an awesome family like theirs. Yea, totally stupid…

"Well, she must have been a bleeding idiot then." Dawn said with a grin, knowing that saying "bleeding" would lighten the mood. But she knew she risked getting in trouble for the profane language, even though it was a British curse word.

"Dawnie, language." Spike said with a grin of his own. He decided to let her get away with it.

"Dad, I can't help it. I learned from the best."

*******

After nearly two weeks, Willow finally worked up the courage to try something new with Xander. Unfortunately, her timing was off. Her Aunt Flow had come to town with a vengeance, so she was limited for the next week. The week before, she and Xander had the "make up" sex. Try as he might to get out of their little rut, it was more or less the usual. She was correct in thinking that the major changes would ultimately be left up to her. She decided to catch him completely off guard.

"Xander, I've been thinking..." She started. He was straightening his tie in the bathroom mirror. She glanced at his reflection briefly before looking over his attire. She began to brush off imaginary lint from his shirt, surreptitiously moving lower to his trousers.

"Bout what, honey?" He asked, completely oblivious to Willow's seemingly innocent ministrations.

"Wow, you're really linty. What will your co- workers say? Here, let me fix it with the lint roller." She said as she unbuckled and unzipped his pants, pulling them down around his ankles. Xander, still completely blind to what was going on, began combing his hair.

"As I was saying, people can grow apart." Xander stopped what he was doing and glanced down at her when she said that. He had gone decidedly pale in the face.

"Will- what... apart?" She gave him a mischievous grin at that.

"Or, they can grow closer." She stared up at him as she pulled down his boxers, licking her lips slowly. Xander had a look of confusion and anxiety on his face. It turned into one of desire as she sensuously ran the tips of her fingers up and down his muscular thighs. His arousal grew as she began massaging his sac. He closed his eyes at the contact, saying her name in a voice that resonated his want for her.

"I want you, Xander. Every drop of you. We both know its right." She then engulfed his hard member into her mouth; hollowing out her cheeks and moaning as she moved back and forth. One hand helped to caress his length as her tongue explored him as never before, while the other continued its personal massage on his balls. Xander couldn't last long, and came in a way he never had before.

At first, Angel felt utterly bad for having these... feelings. He couldn’t seem to help himself, though. If he was stubborn enough (which he could be, most times), he could blame it on the candle light dinner they were having, or the way the flames of the candles placed a warm glow over her face, or how beautiful she could look in a simple black dress, her dimpled smile that warmed his heart, or how he pictured her in his mind’s eye from earlier that day.

The sun’s rays had shone on her just right. She looked like a heavenly being as she walked towards him in the early afternoon. She is an angel He thought. I couldn’t avoid falling in love with her no matter how hard I tried.

He smiled to himself as he finally said it, well, in his head anyway. Admitting it to himself wasn’t nearly as scary as he thought it would be. He knew in his heart that Darla wouldn’t deny him happiness, so he decided he wouldn’t deny it to himself either.

“Angel? Angel. You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said.” She said, more concerned then cross.

“Cordy-” He started, but stopping himself with a quiet laugh.

“Angel, are you alright? I think you’re laughing, which is something I find to be quite odd for you.” Angel stared at her with his dark, brown, soulful eyes before answering her. He tossed down his cloth napkin onto his plate as he slowly rose from his seat.

“What I find funny Cordy, though strictly in an ironic sort of way, is that I’m happy just because. For awhile there, I didn’t think I’d be happy in this sense ever again. Being here with you... You look so beautiful tonight, and I haven’t even told you.” He said as he walked up to her. She gazed up at him from her seat with wide, shocked eyes.

“Oh, well technically, you still haven’t told me.”

“That’s because I’d rather show you.” As he grasped her hand and pulled her up slowly, he caressed her face with one hand before gently pulling her face towards his. He gave her a tender, yet shallow kiss on the lips. It was utterly sweet. It was refreshing. But it wasn’t enough. Not nearly. Cordelia had been waiting patiently for him to make the first move. Now that he had (though small as it was), it just wasn’t enough. Cordelia wanted more.

Before he was able to pull his head back more then two inches, she pulled him back to her by grasping the back of his head- forcing her demanding tongue in his mouth. Angel, eyes wide open in shock, not only pulled back again, but stepped back as well.

“I’m sorry Cordelia. I didn’t- I mean I- I have to go.” He managed to get out before leaving her apartment. After the initial shock wore off, Cordelia began clearing the dishes from the table. She cleaned the kitchen in a mechanical fashion before going straight to her room and crying herself to sleep.

********

“It’s just, I don’t understand Buffy! I was so... upset. I didn’t even take my makeup off. And you know how horrible clogged pores are for the skin! God what is wrong with me?!” Cordelia sobbed.

“Okay, so maybe you scared him a little bit. But it’s not completely unfixable.”

********

“So you ran cause she kissed you?” Spike asked, still quite confused by it all. Then he realized he was talking to Angel, and it began to all make much sense.

“It’s just, she took me off guard. I’m a slow paced kind of guy, Spike. That was just way too fast.”

“But it was just a bloody kiss!”

********

“But all I did was kiss him. It’s not like I ripped off his clothes and pounced on him.”

“Maybe you should call him?”

********

“You should definitely call her, Angel. Probably broke her lil heart.”

“I know I should. But I’m terrified.”

********

“Do you know how terrifying that would be Buffy? I mean, what if he doesn’t answer? What if he doesn’t pick up cause he knows it’s me?”

“How would he know it was you?”

“Buffy, hello! Get with the friggin’ program. Everyone has caller ID.”

********

“Angel, you should really just calm down. You really like this girl?”

“Yeah.”

“And she obviously is into you. How’s she with Connor?”

“He adores her.”

“Then what are so damned afraid of? She just wanted to make out. That’s more then I’m bloody getting. I say go for it. Take the plunge and what all.”

********

“Cordelia, honestly, what have you got to lose?”

By the time the two blondes convinced the two brunettes to call one another, they inadvertently dialed each other at the same time, making each other get the other’s voice mail.

“It’s busy.” Cordelia said dejectedly before flopping down on her couch.

“Buck up, you. It won’t be busy forever.”

“I know.” Cordelia sniffed. “But it’s just... I think he
could be the one.”

********

“She didn’t answer.” Angel said. He was in full brood mode as he began pacing his office floor.

“Well, are ya busy now?” Angel shook his head no as he continued to pace.

“Then sod the phone. Go talk to her in person. Bring her flowers or something else equally dainty. Women love that.” Spike said as he got up from the plush, leather chair and took out a cigarette.

“Spike, don’t smoke in my office.”

“I’m not smoking it yet, am I? Sides, I gotta go now. Supposed to meet up with Buffy.”

“How’s it going with the two of you?”

“Slow. Strange. But nice. I like her. She and Dawnie have been having a helluva time together.”

“Spike.”

“Yeah?”

“You ever consider practicing what you preach?”

********

“Cordelia, I hope that he is. You’re one of my best friends, and I wish you all the happiness in the world.” Buffy said sincerely, giving Cordelia a hug.

“But we’re gonna have to have the ‘Cordy Pity Party’ some other time. I gotta go meet Spike now.” She said as she stood up, casually swinging her black purse over shoulder.

“Oh right. Leave me for the bleached stud.”

“Hey, you’ve got other best friends you can call.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sure they’re busy doing their boyfriends now.”

“Too bad we all can’t be so lucky.” Buffy muttered to herself. Cordelia still heard the remark.

“So you haven’t been Spiked yet?”

“I’m guessing tactful isn’t apart of your vocabulary, right?”

“Buffy-”

“Nah. Not yet.”

“So what are you waiting for? I mean, I know why I’m not getting any, but-”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why is it so complicated?”

“I don’t know Cordelia. All I know is that it always is.”

********

Spike couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t put the moves on Buffy yet. Somehow, after getting to know her, she became different from the other women he was used to. She became an actual person as opposed to some snatch. Besides Willow, Anya and Lilah, he didn’t really view women more than that. Of course, it wasn’t always like that. But after getting burned that one time, Spike refused to touch the fire again. For Spike, once had been enough.

“Hey. Sorry I was late. There was a situation.” Buffy hurriedly explained as she sat down. The pair decided to meet later that day at the Espresso Pump.

“I’m guessing it was the Cordelia- Angel debacle?” He asked rhetorically.

“Yeah. Had to do damage control. So, it is just a myth that guys don’t gossip and talk about their feelings, huh?” She said with a sly grin.

“There was absolutely no gossip nor talk of feelings whatsoever involved. Just the facts. We’re too manly for that , luv. Well, at least I am.” He said with a waggle of his eyebrows, folding his hands behind his head as he leaned back in his chair.

“Well, your friend obviously wasn’t. He totally freaked. Why’d he run out on Cordelia?”

“Your friend probably traumatized him. He hasn’t had a date in ages, and hasn’t gotten laid in longer than that. He’s just cautious, is all.”

“Unlike you?”

“Hey, if I’m livin’, I’m givin’. Giving all that I can give.” He said jokingly.

“But not lately, right? I mean, not since we’ve been dating?” She asked hesitantly. She could feel the uneasiness creep upon her, and it disturbed her greatly.

“No, actually, I haven’t. It’s... sort of a new thing for me.”

“Celibacy?”

“Yeah. Excluding Dru, of course.”

“Dawn’s mother.” He tilted his head and folded his arms over his stomach, not acknowledging nor denying her statement.

“So... when do you suppose it’ll be the right time for us?”

“No better time then the present, luv.” He said as he leaned forward, watching her reaction very carefully. Her eyes grew wide and she gulped.

“You mean, like now?” She said sotto voce, a hint of fear in her voice.

“Not now as in right now. But today.” He said in a low voice.

“Yeah. Alright. Fine with me.” She said, attempting to remain calm.

“You wanna leave now?”

“Okay.” She said all too quickly in a somewhat high pitched voice. But she got up, and he followed. He tried to catch up as she walked briskly towards her car before stopping abruptly and turning towards him. They nearly collided.

“Oh, sorry.”

“S’alright.”

“Are we going to your place or mine?” She asked sheepishly.

“Whatever makes you comfortable.” Buffy thought she would have the upper hand at her place. Her place, her rules.

“My place. We can go to my place.”

“Right then.”

Oh, god. Oh god... Her mind kept repeating to her. Why am I so damned nervous? “It’s just sex.” She accidentally said aloud.

“What?” He asked, not sure he heard her right.

“Nothing. I’ll meet you there.”

“1630, right?”

“Yeah.” With one last glance at him, she got in her car and drove off.

********

Spike was quite shocked by the day’s turn of events.

“Many thanks to Angel and his namby pamby ways.” He said to himself as he parked in the condominium parking lot. The only time he’d been to Buffy’s place was a few times when he’d dropped her off at the front door. Though she’d seen his house many a time, he had never actually been inside of her place. Now, his first time there was also going to be his first time with her. He just knew this wasn’t going to be the average lay. He had fantasized about it many a time, and every time (though different clothes, location, or position), it turned out to be amazing and monumental. One time, he even imagined they brought the house down- literally. Now, he was going to get the real thing.

Though he’d never admit it aloud, he felt a little nervous. Looking confident as ever, he entered the building, counted the floors silently as he rode the elevator, and swaggered down the hallway to her door- number 1630. He knocked on the door, and had one of his trademark grins firmly in place as she opened the door.

“ ‘Ello, pet.”

“Come in Spike.” She said as she stepped aside. Dammit! She thought to herself. She hadn’t had enough time to- to... prepare! Yeah, that was it. She didn’t have time to prepare for his arrival, and she wasn’t sure what to do exactly. So she decided to give him a tour of her humble abode. It absolutely was not a stall tactic.

“And um... here’s my bedroom.” She said sheepishly. He took in the light crème colors, vanity with large mirror, and then the bed- the king sized, circular bed with pale, satin sheets. It was so neat and pristine.
Gonna change that soon enough. He thought to himself.

“It’s nice, luv.”

“Yeah, well...” She trailed off as she began unconsciously wringing her hands nervously. She stopped all her movements as he walked towards her and lightly grasped her hips. He lightly began caressing her sides, feeling her shiver under his touch.

“This doesn’t make you nervous, does it?” He asked in a low voice, keeping his eyes on hers. She all of sudden had an indignant look on her face.

“Pfft. No.” She said as stepped back and yanked off her top. She then grabbed his face and began kissing him ferociously, unbuttoning his shirt and ripping it off of him as she did. She cupped his growing erection when she stopped kissing him, giving him a playful squeeze.

“Come on, let’s get these shoes off.” She said as she bent down to unzip her boots, tossing them to the side. He watched her hungrily as he did the same. As soon as he tossed the second to the side, she was on him like a tiger on its prey, pushing him towards and on the bed. She straddled his thighs, unbuckling his belt and slowly pulling it from the pants loops. He tilted his head to the side with his mouth slightly open, keeping his eyes on her face. Buffy slowed down as she watched him watching her. That whole feeling of nervousness began creeping upon her again, but she ignored it. She persisted on and slowly unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans as she felt his hands unclasp her bra. He took his time as he moved the straps down her arms and off her body.

“Gorgeous.” He murmured, dipping his head and tasting one of the rosy buds. Buffy grasped his head to her as she let out a sigh. He looked up at her as he stood up while holding her. He turned them around and laid her gently on the bed. She watched, mesmerized as he slid his pants down and off, his member jutting straight out from his body. He looked amazingly sexy. The way he looked at her excited her, but also highly unnerved her.

He got back on the bed, kneeling before her. He dragged the tips of his fingers across her ankles, up her calves, past her knees, and down her thighs. He fingered the edge of her lacy panties before griping the hem and pulling them off her with leisure. He took an unabashed whiff of them before pitching them over the edge.

“Smells wonderful. Bet you taste wonderful too.” He said as he spread her legs open and dipped his head down to her. He licked her outer lips with his tongue flattened before spreading them a little with his fingers. Then he stiffened his tongue and stroked her clit in a circular motion. He placed his free hand on her belly as she writhed and moaned before him. He suckled on the bundle of nerves gently as her voice grew louder.

Buffy grabbed at the wrought iron headboard as her first wave of pleasure hit her. She involuntarily arched her body as her eyes closed. She gasped as she came. She felt him hovering above her. When she opened her eyes, she saw his blue ones looking at her.

“Spike?”

“Buffy?”

“I kinda lied earlier.”

“Bout what?”

“About you- making me nervous.”

“Oh. We don’t have to-”

“No, it’s just... doesn’t it just feel like this time will be different from any other time? Like things are gonna change?” He caressed her face and kissed her before answering.

“Promise?” He asked in a mere whisper. He found that he was actually hoping that it would be different this time. She was different. She was... special. She leaned up and kissed him deeply. She felt relieved that he seemed somewhat nervous about it all too. He grasped his shaft and teased her entrance as he continued to kiss her. She moaned into his mouth as he pushed deep inside of her.

A wave of clarity suddenly hit her. Never before had she felt so touched before. He made her feel. She had never felt a passion quite like this before, if ever. She grasped his shoulders tightly as he pulled out and pushed as far as he could go inside of her. He stopped moving as he pulled his head back to look at her. He pulled nearly all the way out before pushing all of the way back in.

Her mouth was deliciously open. He traced her lips before she took his index finger into her mouth, sucking on it lightly. His movements began to quicken in earnest as she sucked harder on his finger eagerly. He moved his hips in a circular motion when she bit down on him, and began stroking her core harder. She wrapped her smooth, tan legs around him, encouraging him to go faster.

“God, Buffy.” He moaned. He felt her walls tightening around him. He laid his head on her shoulder as he began pumping away in earnest. She dug her nails into his back as she felt the uncontrollable explosion encroaching upon her. She screamed his name when she felt her release, he following soon after.

Spike turned them over so that they were on their sides. Buffy still had her eyes shut, waiting for her breathing to return to normal. Spike became worried because she wouldn’t look at him.

“Pet?” He asked, his hand gently moving her hair from
her face.

“That was... wow.” She said quietly, eyes still closed. “I’ve never felt...”

“But you’re okay?” She opened her eyes and smiled at him.

“Spike, in all honesty, I’ve never been better.”

Friday- 6:00 p.m.

Angel was distraught. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He hadn’t spoken to Cordy in about a week. He’d meant to go visit her- he really had. But then, Connor got an ear infection. Connor would always be his number one priority. By the time he was well again, an entire week had passed him by.

After much contemplation, he left work early that day so that he may make a few visits. The first- Darla’s grave.

He bought her a bouquet of white lilies to put upon her grave. He hadn’t visited her in a few months, and felt terribly guilty about it. But he realized that afternoon that he must move on. He didn’t want Connor to grow up with a ghost hanging over his head. If it hadn’t been for Spike and Wes, his home would probably resemble an eerie shrine to his beloved today. He wouldn’t stop visiting, but he knew that now was the time to let her go. Her death had not been his fault, and he decided to finally accept that. His spirit no longer felt tied down. He knew that Cordelia was part of the reason why. No longer was he bound to guilt.

As he got out of his car and walked towards her front door, he couldn’t stop the feeling of worry that seemed to be plaguing him. True, he had not contacted her, but she had not contacted him as well. He hoped that she would take his peace offering- two beautiful bouquets of red roses and a sincere apology.

Ringing the buzzer to her apartment, he waited patiently for her to answer. Thirty seconds later, he rang it again. This time, she answered.

“Hello?”

“Cordy- it’s me, Angel. Can I come up please?” She heard the pleading tone of his voice. Not answering him, she merely buzzed him up.

‘At least she’s letting me in.’ He thought while he opened the door and headed towards the elevator.

*******

Cordelia ran to the bathroom as soon as she hit the buzzer, heart thundering in her chest. She had minor baggage under her eyes, but that couldn’t be helped. She hadn’t gotten much sleep the past week. Or maybe it was stress? She didn’t know. But it didn’t matter. He finally came.

Smoothing her hair back into a pony tail, she thought about why he came. She hoped it was to make amends and maybe start fresh or something as opposed to, oh say, breaking it off completely with her. She would have called him again, but thought that maybe he needed a little space. She hoped she was right, and that things between them would finally be better. After double checking her clothes and spraying on just a smidgen of her Victoria’s Secret True Love, she went to the door and waited for him.

Poking her head out, she saw him coming down the corridor with one hand behind his back. With a hand on her hip and an arch of an eyebrow, she asked, “Well, what took you so long, Bubba?” She may have been a nervous wreck the past week, but it didn’t mean that he had to know that. Angel gave her a confused look in return before responding.

“Cordelia- um… Can I come in?”

“Yeah, okay.” She said, stepping to the side and letting him in. After closing and locking the door, she turned around surprised to see the flowers in his hand.

“Wow. They’re gorgeous. Are they real?” She asked with a look of awe on her face, reaching out her hand to touch a velvety red petal.

“Yeah. I suppose I could’ve gone for the fake, yet realistic looking ones, but-"

“No, they’re beautiful. I’ve just never seen roses quite like this before. They’re so big, and red, and soft…” She trailed off, leaning down slightly to take a whiff of them.

“What’s the special occasion?” She asked, looking at him briefly.

“Um, none. It’s just… I’m sorry. I’ve been neglecting you.” She gave him a mock look of surprise at the admission.

“Really? Hmph. Hadn’t noticed.” She said lightly, taking the flowers and disappearing into her kitchen. “I’ll be right back; just gonna put these in water.” She called to him.

“Cordy- can we just talk about this? Please?” He asked, following her.

“Talk about what Angel? You needed your space; I was a little fast paced… Hey, that rhymed.” She said, totally ignoring his looks of confusion.

“Look, I’m sorry that I hurt you. I just… well I’m over it.”

“Oh? You’re over it? Well maybe I’m over you, mister!” She said, turning abruptly and poking him repeatedly in the chest.

“Ow, stop that! If you don’t want to be with me anymore, then-”

“No, no! I was just really upset and… I’m sorry.” She said, looking up at him with big eyes filled with sadness.

“For what?” He asked softly, caressing the side of her face. She exhaled.

“I know that, I can come on a little strong sometimes, aggressive, or, or even abrasive at times, but-" The ringing of his cell phone cut her speech short.

“Sorry.” He said with an apologetic smile. “Can I have a sec?” She nodded in agreement with a shy smile of her own.

“Spike, what’s up? What? No, I’ll be right there.” He said, hanging up the phone. His face all of a sudden became worrisome.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s Dawn.”

“Oh. Who’s Dawn?”

“Spike’s daughter.”

“He has a daughter? Gee, where the hell was I at?”

“Cordy, I have to go.”

“What happened? Can I help?”

“Dawn, she’s… she’s missing.”

********

Earlier that day at 3:25 p.m.

“Hands! Hands in new places!! Oh god… Willow.” Xander continued moan as he lay on the bed. He tried helplessly to see what else his wife had learned, but he couldn’t sit up. It was against the rules. His hands were tied to the headboard with his silk ties, his ankles bound by Willow’s scarves to the foot of the bed. Currently, she was licking and stroking the sensitive area between his balls and his ass while vigorously stroking him. It was driving him insane. He gave a little yelp when she stuck her index finger inside of him before placing her mouth on his rigid shaft, causing his eyes to roll back.

“Oh, that feels so good. That doesn’t like, make me sorta gay for liking… Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but-"

“Quiet Xander. Just relax and enjoy. You know how I like to play.” She said, right before she lightly scraped her teeth over his sensitive tip. He shuddered and moaned louder.

“Okay. Sorry. But what about Jesse?”

“Car pool. He’s at the Kerrington’s visiting Peter and his other friends. Now quiet you before I have to get really rough.” She said with a glint in her eyes.

“Ooh… Daddy like…” Xander trailed off, closing his eyes in anticipation.

It was true that their son was all taken care of- playing happily about a mile away at a friend’s house. But Willow had forgotten something, or rather, someone. Spike had another meeting with his editor earlier that day, and he needed someone to pick up Dawn. She was getting out of school in five minutes from serving her fifth consecutive detention. Time was tick, tick, ticking away. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be Willow waiting for her…

********

Friday- 3:57 p.m.

“Come on, Willow.” Dawn mumbled to herself as she swung slowly on the swing set. Feeling restless, she walked across the dry wood chips on the playground towards the monkey bars. She knew it was pointless, for she couldn’t make it past the first three bars, but decided to try anyway before looking for Willow. Just as she suspected, her upper body and hands gave out, causing her to drop to the ground with a resounding “thump.”

“Stupid… twiggy arms.” She dusted herself off and walked out of the playground. Picking up her book bag, she walked down the sidewalk to the curb- looking left and right down the street. No green minivan in sight meant no Willow.

She walked briskly back towards the front door of the school. She rang the doorbell repeatedly for about five minutes, but no one answered.

“Oh, come on!” She yelled, pounding on the door. But she knew that by then the entire faculty and staff was gone. Feeling completely frustrated with large blue eyes rapidly filling with tears, she plopped down on the top step, putting her crossed arms on her raised knees. She tried to not think of the possibility that something horrible may have happened to Willow, but her imagination was in overdrive. She put her head down and began to breathe deeply, trying to erase the disturbing thoughts and images of a hurt Willow from her mind.

“Why isn’t she here?” She sniffed to herself. It wasn’t like Willow to not just show up. “Not gonna cry. Not gonna cry….” She kept repeating to herself, a few tears escaping regardless.

“And why would a pretty little girl like you want to do that?” A shaky, feminine British, voice asked her. Wiping at her eyes, Dawn looked up and saw… her own face. Well, that is, if she were way older, and paler, lack of baby fat and brown eyes. It was her- her mother. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind about the woman’s identity. Dawn asked the first question that came to her mind.

“What are you doing here?”

********

4 years earlier

“Please. I know that I’ve made mistakes- a lot of mistakes in the past. But I wasn’t well then. I’m better now. I’m medicated. I could never forgive myself if I didn’t try looking for her. I don’t… I don’t want to take her away from William. I just want- need to know that she’s alright. Help me, please.” Drusilla begged of the detective and long time acquaintance Ethan Rayne.

Ethan had already known that William had left years ago to join his family out in California, somewhere. But he just wasn’t sure that when he found out where the Giles’ were, if he should disclose the information to the young woman. He remembered quite vividly Wiliam’s devestation when she left. He didn’t want to cause the boy more pain. That and the fact that he knew Rupert would chop him into messes if he ever discovered it was he who told Drusilla where his son was. And, whether or not if Ms. Drusilla Lathan had enough to cover his fees… She did. Ethical and financial problem solved he thought to himself.

“Of course, my dear. I shall find them for you. However, just make sure that you tell no one who helped you.” He added with a nervous chuckle. Drusilla nodded gratefully.

As she began her journey to the States, Drusilla repeatedly had anxiety attacks on the plane. Her hands would shake, beads of sweat invaded her forehead, and she felt as if she would swoon.

“Funny. Never had a problem with flights before.” She commented off handedly to the older woman sitting next to her. But she knew the real reason; pure unadulterated fear. Fear of William, fear of the fact that her little girl would shun her, fear that she wouldn’t be able to actually face them. The last one won out- she didn’t dare approach them.

It was early summer, and Drusilla had finally made her way to the address Ethan had given her. She couldn’t bring herself to get out of the rental car. Instead, she sat there; watching, and waiting. Finally, a man came out of the house. It was William, with now white hair. Still lean and muscular, and looking much happier than he did the last few months he had spent with her.

“Come on, sweet pea. Let’s go to Grandpa’s…” He called out as he leaned his head in the doorway. Drusilla held her breadth in anticipation. A little, brown haired girl in a sundress and little white tennis shoes ran up to him and squeezed his legs tightly.

“Daddy! Pick me up! Please, please!” She yelled cheerfully. Drusilla couldn’t stop herself from crying. She was beautiful. They were so happy. She watched as he picked her up with his gentle hands, mock scowling at her.

“Hey, now. I told you, you’re getting much too big for me to carry you around like this.”

“No I’m not, Daddy. I’m just a little, tiny, little, little girl. And um.. I love you?”

“You should love me anyway, sweet bit. Not just cause I carry you around. But this is the last time, and I mean it, Dawnie.” The little girl began to laugh before throwing her arms around his neck.

“Aww, Daddy…” Drusilla sat stock still as they got into the large, black car. She watched from the rear view mirror as the car drove in the opposite direction down the street. She couldn’t bear the thought of upsetting their now happy home. William had done it- they were fine without her. She sat and cried for nearly thirty minutes more before starting the car and driving to her hotel.

********

“What are you doing here?” Dawn, her daughter, her flesh and blood had asked her.

Drusilla was quiet for a moment before asking, “You know who I am?” Dawn nodded her head slowly. “Oh… I’m here to see you.”

“Why?” She wasn’t sure how to answer that question. The complex answer would be that she still had a desperate need to see her. That she wanted her to know that she had… Well, all of that could wait.

“I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay with you.”

“Well I’m alright. I’m fine.” Drusilla took her slightly hostile tone in stride and sat down next to her.

“You waiting for someone?” She asked knowingly. Dawn turned her head away from her as she answered.

“Yeah. My, uh, Aunt Willow. She’s late.” Aunt? Drusilla thought to herself, knowing William had no sisters, but didn’t question the girl, her daughter further.

“If you don’t mind, I could take you home? Then maybe… we could have the chance to talk.” Her voice was very quiet, Dawn noticed. Shy like. Dawn looked at her for what seemed like a long while.

“Yeah, okay. Where’s your car?” She asked, standing up. Dawn was curious, after all.

5:30 p.m.

Willow hadn’t felt that sated in, well, ever. She enjoyed their games as much as Xander did, consequently wearing them both out. That’s why she didn’t hear the doorbell, even though it was well on its fifth ring.

Willow didn’t get up until the phone on the night stand by their bed began ringing. Feeling quite drowsy, she picked it up with clumsy hand.

“Hello?” She said in a dry, raspy voice.

“Jesus, Red. You goin’ to open up the door or not?” A slightly irked Spiked asked into the receiver.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” She said with a loud yawn into the phone before hanging up.

“Xander, Spike’s here.” Xander mumbled something unintelligible in response before turning over on his side. Willow sighed heavily as she slowly rose from the bed, getting her robe from behind her bedroom door. Tying the sash and idly wondering if she had bed head (she did), she headed to the front hall and unlocked the door. Before she could question his presence, Spike went barreling past her, clearly agitated.

“You won’t bloody believe the day I’ve had. Rewrites are kicking my ass. So, she ready yet? ” He looked at her expectantly.

“Spike, what are you…” and then she remembered- Dawn. She was supposed to have picked up Dawn. Her eyes went wide as she threw her hands over her mouth, covering up her shouted “Oh god!”

“What’s with you red? Kids are kinda quiet. What, you give them a dose, or something?” He asked with a light smile. Willow felt sick to her stomach.

“Oh, Spike, I-”

“Dawn! Come on, it’s time to go!” He shouted, assuming she was upstairs with Jesse.

“You look ill, pet. Is everything alright?” He asked while going to her side, ever considerate. Willow listlessly shook her head.

“No, Spike. She- I, I forgot. To pick her up… and-”

“What?” Spike said, clearly startled, and seemingly unsure of what she meant.

“I’m so, so sorry, I forgot. I don’t know what I was thinking, and-”

“Willow, what the fuck do you mean you forgot! Then where the hell is she!?”

********

3:55 p.m.

“Wait. I wanna check something out first. You mind if we drive by there?” Dawn asked, giving her mo- Drusilla Willow’s address. She just wanted to make sure everything was all right.

“Are you going inside, or…” Drusilla trailed off, unsure of what was going on. Dawn spotted the infamous green mini van in the driveway.

“She forgot about me,” Dawn whispered to herself. “Right, cause it’s not like I’m of any importance or anything.” She said glumly.

“Dawnie, that’s not true.” Drusilla said in a soothing voice, though it did anything but.

“Oh, what would you know? And don’t call me ‘Dawnie.’ Take me home, please.” She said, looking out of the window and clearly ignoring her. Drusilla nodded her head more to herself than Dawn and put the rented silver Camry in drive. About ten minutes later, they arrived at casa de Giles.

“So, you like want anything to drink or something?” Dawn asked, trying to mask her nervousness. It felt odd, having her there. It almost felt like Drusilla, the woman who birthed her, was some sort of intruder. She knew that her dad would be mighty angry if he found out. This is why she planned on never telling him. ‘Better make this visit quick,’ Dawn thought to herself, thinking that somehow that just by Drusilla simply breathing there her dad would somehow discover the truth, knowing that she had been in his home. He’d more than likely view it as sacrilegious.

“No. But thank you. Is it okay if I sat down?” She asked, motioning towards the couch. Dawn nodded her head, sitting down at the other end, hesitantly.

“Why’d you come back?” Dawn asked, emotionless and looking at her fidgeting hands.

“I didn’t mean to bother you or anything like that. I was just wondering how you were? If maybe, you’d had any questions for me?” Drusilla asked, shifting her body so that she faced Dawn. She still wouldn’t look at her.

“Well, I guess I always wondered why you left.” Drusilla exhaled a deep breath, tucking some of her long raven hair behind her ear.

“I, uh, I had some issues, Dawn. I wasn’t well. I wasn’t fit to be your mother.”

“And what, now you are?” Dawn asked, clearly sarcastic, finally looking at her. Drusilla’s eyes began to water.

“I just, I just wanted you to know that I’m better now, and if you ever need me, for anything, I’ll do it. No questions asked, or…”

“Then why come now? Why not earlier, or-”

“I did. It was a few years ago. Four, actually.”

“But you never said anything, right? I would’ve remembered seeing you.” Dawn said, uncertainty creeping upon her. She didn’t want to think that maybe she did and her dad just didn’t tell her, but she couldn’t help the thought from forming.

“No. I saw you, the both of you, but I didn’t say anything.” Dawn breathed a sigh of relief.

“Why? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was afraid. I didn’t know how William would react, or-”

“It’s Spike, now.”

“What?”

“He doesn’t go by that name anymore. He says it reminds him of things past he’d really rather forget.” Drusilla knew exactly what she meant. “So, you’re not afraid anymore? Is that why you came?”

“Actually, Dawn, I had something I needed to ask of you. Well, I have something to tell you first, but… See, these last few years, I’ve been living in New York. I was pretty down, and lonely… and I met someone. I thought that you were old enough to know.”

“Pft. That’s all? You met someone? Well, that’s good, I guess.” Dawn said, thankful that she and her father had Buffy in their lives.

“Actually, no. That’s not all, Dawn. You see…”

******

5:34 p.m.

Xander was having a horrible nightmare. He thought he was back in his parents’ house, where there seemed to be endless yelling and arguing. Just as he was about to pull a pillow over his ears, he heard a man’s voice yell Willow’s name. That was what pulled him from his slumber. Willow. She needed him. As he became more awake and alert, he realized that the man who was yelling his wife’s name was Spike. Quickly putting on his boxers, he quickly stumbled out of his room.

“… don’t sodden believe you. Start callin’ all the lil soccer mom’s you know. Maybe one of them gave her a ride or something… Call me as soon as you hear anything.” Spike barked out to a weeping Willow. Well, sobbing would be more accurate.

“What the hell is going on?” Xander asked as he went to Willow, completely confused as to what was going on in his own home. Spike proceeded to walk out the front door.

“Ask your incompetent wife.” Spike’s retreating form sneered. He slammed the front door in his wake. Xander turned to look at a red faced, tear streaked Willow.

“Incompetent?” He asked, completely bewildered. Willow was one of the most, no, the most responsible person he had ever known in his entire life. This just wasn’t making any sense.

“Willow, what’s going on?”

“I- I forgot.”

“Forgot what?”

“Dawn!” She yelled before bursting into tears again, grabbing a hold of him.

“Dawn? You forgot about Dawn!” Xander asked, his tone going a pitch or two higher than it normally was. Realization gripped him suddenly.

“Well, I didn’t mean to! I would never on purpose- oh god! The phone calls! I gotta call the other parents. See if they picked her up…” she trailed off before grabbing the cordless. Knowing that she was much too flustered to speak clearly, he walked over and gently took the phone from her trembling fingers. He asked for the first number. Willow gave it to him with a sad, but grateful smile. She felt comforted knowing that he was there. As Willow was being comforted, alone, Spike was on the verge of hysterics.

While repeating the mantra “Just breathe,” he sped down the streets like a madman. Sweat profusely building upon his brow, he pulled out his cell phone and called the police. As he stumbled through the conversation, he wasn’t quite sure what was said, or if it could even help. Somehow, he managed to get some sort of general information out, before hanging up. Looking on his recently received calls list, he instantly dialed Angel. For that particular conversation, he somehow managed to sound calm and indifferent. He thought someone competent should know what was going on.

As soon as he got to the school and saw that it was deserted, he promptly vomited on the black top.

“Oh god, please. Please let her be alright. Please, please…” He whispered, hunched over and hands braced on his knees. Hoping that maybe somehow she managed to get home, he got back into his car, breaking the speed limits once again all the way to his home.

“Dawn! Dawn, are you there!?” He yelled, frantic, running around the house checking all the rooms. There was no sign that she’d been there. Finally ending up in her room, he leaned against the door jamb, looking at her frilly, pink bed spread and boy band posters. Stuffed animals, toys, books… All the stuff she had in it, and it felt nothing but empty to him.

“No, no, no. This can’t- this can’t be happening. Oh Dawnie, where are you luv? God, please, let me find my little girl. She’s everything to me. She’s…” He trailed off, sobbing to himself. He was losing it, and he knew it. He just couldn’t help himself. Every horrible thought imaginable of what could have happened to her shot through his mind like a poison. He never felt so weak and helpless before in his life. He needed strength. He needed his father. With even shakier hands than before, he pulled out his cell phone again. Not being able to think clearly enough to recall the number, he scrolled down his phone book to the letter D. The phone rang four times, seemingly an eternity to Spike, before the older man answered.

“Giles here. Who’s calling?”

“Dad?” When his son said his name like that, a low whisper and sounding very scared and vulnerable, Giles feared the worst.

“Oh god. Is everything alright? Is it Wesley?”

“What? No. No it’s not- it’s Dawn.”

“Dawn?” He asked, clearly perplexed.

“She’s missing. I can’t… I can’t find-”

“Bloody hell, William. She isn’t missing. She’s right here with me and Anya, baking cookies.”

“She’s what?”

“Yeah, been here little over an hour. Sorry for the terrible scare, we should have called. Evidently, Willow forgot to pick her up, and she got a ride here.” Spike gave a long, hysterical laugh at that.

“She’s alright? Dawnie’s okay? Really?”

“Yes, William. She’s fine.” He said in his comforting, father voice.

“I’ll be right over.”

“Alright son. We’ll be here.”

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“I love you, you know.” He said with a sniffle.

“Love you too, William.”

********

6:15 p.m.

“Come on, Dawn. We’re baking cookies! And you being an adolescent with a very high metabolism, should be enjoying the sweet, sugary fatty goodness that is oatmeal cookie dough.” Anya admonished after putting another chunk of dough into her mouth.

“Anya, luv, if you won’t stop eating the dough, then there won’t be many cookies to eat.” Giles said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“Yeah, well, your enormous child inside of me demands otherwise. Sorry.” She said lightly, pinching off another piece of dough. But Dawn couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that her dad would be there any minute. She couldn’t stop thinking about Drusilla’s request, and how she would have to talk to her father about it. Just thinking about his reaction to the mere fact that she had met the woman made her come over a bit queasy. Let alone what she asked of her… Dawn was becoming more terrified by the moment, and therefore, not hungry at all for cookies or dough.

“Oh boy, he’ll be so angry.” She thought aloud. Mistaking what she was referring to, Giles and Anya tried to be comforting.

“Dawn, your father was worried about you, not angry.” Giles said, giving her a pat on the shoulder.

“Besides, it wasn’t her fault, ya know. Willow did forget her.” Anya didn’t notice the warning look Giles had given her, for she was putting balls of dough onto the cookie sheet.

“I’m sure Willow had a good reason.” Giles offered with a forced smile. “It just isn’t like her.”

“Hey, it’s no big. I’m all here- safe and sound. No harm done.” Until dad finds out what I’ve been up to She thought ruefully. Two seconds later, she heard the front door open. Oh god! He’s here.

Spike rushed into the kitchen. When Dawn finally set eyes on him, she wasn’t scared for the moment, she was terribly worried. She had never seen him look like that before. His eyes were all red and blotched, and his face was tear streaked. He was shaking a little.

Boy, he looks like hell. Anya thought as she gave Spike a bright smile and a little wave.

I haven’t seen him look this bad since Drusilla. Giles thought as he said hello. Spike paid them no heed. He couldn’t stop looking at Dawn. She really is okay. Thank you, God. He thought, ever grateful.

“Daddy?” He walked up to her and dropped to his knees, grabbing her in a tight embrace.

“Oh, thank god you’re alright.” He said into her hair.

“Um, dad? Did you throw up or something?”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” He said. He gave her a kiss on the forehead anyway before heading to the bathroom to gurgle some much needed Listerine.

“Well, he seemed to be in great shape.” Anya said with false enthusiasm.

“I’m just gonna, um, go get my stuff.” Dawn said, walking into the living room.

“More cookies for us, huh?” Anya said, lifting her hand to Giles expecting a high five.

“Oh, yes.” Giles said belatedly, smacking her hand.

“Ow!”

“Sorry dear.”

Spike came down the stairs, fresh breath and all. He gave a little smile to Dawn, seeing that she was ready.

“Sorry bout that whole mess, Nibblet. It won’t happen again.” She gave him a lopsided grin.

“It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“So, how’d you get here? One of your mates’ parents or something?” And there it was. Dawn could either stall by lying, or just tell him the truth. In Giles’ house, where potentially Giles or Anya might be on her side for getting into Drusilla’s car. Or not. But it was worth a shot, wasn’t it?

“Funny you should ask, actually. Um-" The ringing of Spike’s cell went off at that moment.

“Excuse me pet. Hello? Angel? Oh, sorry for the scare. Yea, she’s alright. At my father’s house. Yea. Someone dropped her off. Sorry I worried you. S’alright? Okay. Talk to ya then. Bye. So, what were you saying Bit?” He looked at her expectantly. Dawn bit her lower lip and looked down. Here goes.

“Drusilla brought me.” Spike squinted really hard at her. No, she hadn’t said…No.

“What?” Lifting her head and looking up at ceiling, she said it again, but louder.

“Who?” He asked. His heart beat sped up and he just knew that his blood pressure was rising. Taking a deep sigh, she looked at him with fearful eyes. He swallowed hard.

“I was waiting for Willow on the playground. She never came. When I realized that she wasn’t coming, I tried to go back into the school, but everyone had left. I was sitting on the steps, and then she came. I knew it was her. She had a car, and well…”

“You mean to tell me you willingly got into a complete stranger’s vehicle?” Spike said in his low, scary voice. It was a thousand times worse than his loud, yelling voice. It was much more frightening.

“Daddy, I knew who she was- I mean, I recognized her. She was nice, and-"

“Nice? Nice!” He started to laugh one of those angry, hate filled laughs that sort of sounded like a chuckle. Dawn tried not to cry. She was angry too that he was acting this way.

“Dawn, I told you what she did. To you. To me. For crissakes! How could you do that?”

“Do what? Wanting to know who she is? If it wasn’t for her, I’d probably still be waiting on the steps.” Dawn said in her own, angry low voice. Like father, like daughter.

“She could have kidnapped you, or god knows what!” Spike yelled, losing it. Giles and Anya came into the room, both with very concerned expressions on their faces.

“Spike. Dawn. What’s going on?” Giles said, trying to assess the situation.

“Yea, what’d we miss?” Anya asked, looking at the two anxiously. Spike looked straight at his father, with dull, sad, weary eyes.

“Drusilla.”

Spike sat alone in the dark on his couch. Evidently, the same spot where Drusilla had been several hours before. Dru. Bloody bitch. He was going on his sixth or seventh bottle of beer. He wasn’t doing well at all. He wasn’t sure what to think or what to say. He only wanted to see and talk to one person, and she was on her way.

*******

Buffy wasn’t sure what to think when she got the phone call from Spike. He sounded so… distraught? Weary? Was there a hint of anger in his voice? She couldn’t put her finger on it. Whatever it was, he surely was not himself.

When she walked up the pathway to his house, she noticed that all of the lights were out. But his car was in the driveway, so he had to be there. He wouldn’t call her and just leave. She got to the door, ringing the doorbell, and only silence greeted her. She knocked, she called his name, and she assumed she made a somewhat spectacle of herself in front of his neighbors, if they were watching. Or listening. Usually, wasn’t somebody always watching?

Feeling frustrated, she called out again, “Okay, Spike. I’m coming in.” She turned the door knob. It was open. With a shake of her head and feeling quite silly, she walked inside. As soon as she closed the door to the darkened house, he grabbed her from behind.

“Buffy, love. So glad you came.” He said, kissing the side of her neck. Buffy was shocked, and could smell the alcohol on him.

“Spike, what are you-"

“Shh. No worries now. As long as we’re together, everything will be fine. Right?” She turned around in his arms and looked at him with concern. She touched the side of his face, and he felt like sobbing. He didn’t; he merely sighed.

“What happened? Where’s Dawn?”

“At my father’s. She came today, here.”

“Who? Who came here?” She asked gently.

“Drusilla. She thinks that I can’t see what she’s trying to do. She wants her, I know it.”

“Oh, Spike. I’m so sorry. But she can’t just-"

“Damn bitch. I won’t let her. What? She thinks she can just come here, after all these years and- and… Buffy?” His eyes were glassy. She didn’t know what to do.

“What do you need me to do?” She asked softly.

“Help me. Please- help me forget. Help me forget everything.” So Buffy kissed him. She wanted so badly to help him. And it was… different. He was different. He was more insistent; more demanding. And yet he seemed so… lost. So incredibly lost. He pawed and grabbed and pulled at her clothes as he backed her up towards the couch while kissing her. She let him. In his ever more becoming frantic state, he managed to pull off her shirt and to pull down her pants and panties. Turning her around, he grabbed her torso with one hand, the other going straight towards her steadily becoming wet sex.

“Do you want it?” He asked huskily in her ear, his fingers performing some sort of magical spell on her sensitive nerves. She moaned in want before saying yes- twice. Removing his hand from her torso, he put his hand on her lower back, gently pushing her over the arm of the couch. As he continued to rub and massage her, she could hear his belt buckle being undone and his zipper slowly coming down. Then she felt him nudging at her slick entrance. He placed both of his hands onto her hips, grasping her tightly as he slid all the way in. She gasped in surprise, though she wasn’t sure why. He started out in slow, long strokes.

“I can’t believe it. You stayed here in the darkness, with me.” He whispered, moving excruciatingly slow in and out of her.

“Spike.” She panted out, gripping the couch cushions.

“I think I’m falling in love with you Buffy. You saved me, from myself.”

“Spike.” She couldn’t think straight. She didn’t know what she would say even if she could. Not that what he said mattered. He was sorta drunk, and he couldn’t possibly have meant… He started moving faster.

“Did you know that pet? It’ll never be her- never again. Just us, right? Yea? Tell me, please.” He knew he was babbling, but he wasn’t sure how much control he had over himself at the moment. Too much alcohol. He’d have to work on that. He moved even faster, snapping his hips against her backside.

“Yes. Yes. Oh Spike…” Buffy panted. She could feel him, deep inside of her, his hot flesh against her flesh, and she felt lost. To everyone. To everything- but him. Nothing but him. She felt good. Real good.
Spike wanted to let it all go so bad, but it was like he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t release himself. He didn’t know if it was the booze, or his emotional state, but he couldn’t finish. All he could do was to keep pumping away. Leaning over her, his chest to her back, he felt a couple of wretched tears escape.

“Oh Buffy. Luv please. Help me. I need you…” He pleaded as he thrust into her. Buffy closed her eyes, breathing deeply, feeling his warm tears drip onto her back. She felt his weight on her, in more ways than one.

“Spike. I need you too. I need you to come, deep inside of me. Please. Please, please, please.” She begged as she gasped. She clenched herself around him as he tensed and released, and released, and released himself into her. She felt herself let go too, and it felt freeing, and wonderful. Bloody sweet nirvana.

A moment passed before Spike pulled out of her with a deep sigh. He stood up, and then pulled Buffy up after him, turning her around so that she faced him. He caressed her cheek gently before picking her up, for her feet were tangled in her pants and panties, and down on the couch with her in his lap. He pulled off her gym shoes, and pulled off her pants and panties, tossing them all to the side. The only thing she had on was her lacy Angel’s bra. Spike idly fingered and pinched her right nipple while she leaned on his chest, intermittently kissing his neck.

“What happened?” She asked after awhile, hand on his chest, over his heart. He held her a bit tighter in his arms, swallowing deeply.

“Drusilla, she… She told Dawnie that she has a little sister, apparently, and that she would like for them to get to know each other. She’s claiming to be better now, and thinks that she can just waltz back into my and Dawnie’s lives, negating the past with her good intentions and sad, sorry apologies.” He explained bitterly. Buffy turned her head and looked up at him.

“She has another kid? Dawn’s- ”

“A big sister, apparently. Yea. And what really pisses me off about the whole thing is that she’s only a year younger than Dawnie. Soon as I leave, she just hops on some wanker and decides to have and keep his baby. Not only did she reject Dawn, my Dawn, but she ups and has another kid so soon after. Dawn may not realize that right now, but when she does… It’s gonna hurt her, I know it. Being rejected like that…” He said somberly. Buffy sat up a bit more in his lap and kissed his neck, cheek, and finally lips slowly and gently. She put her hand on top of his, the one that was resting on her hip.

“How’d Dawn take it?”

“Well, she seemed to be happy bout the whole sister bit.”

“Then it’ll be alright. If Dawn wants to get to know her sister, then you shouldn’t stop her.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t take that away from Dawn. I just, I don’t feel comfortable her getting cozy with Dru. I don’t trust her, Buffy. I can’t trust her.”

“Well, anytime they’re together, make sure someone’s around to make sure things are on the up and up.”
He had to admit that was a… simple solution to his tumultuous and nerve wracking problem. But after a moment, he vigorously shook his head.

“No. It has to be more to it than that. She’s a devious bitch. And I know what I have to do.” He said solemnly.

“What?”

“I have to talk to her first. One on one. Alone.” Dawn had her number scribbled on a piece of paper, which Spike confiscated of course. He had just been so damn angry… and hurt. The next day, he took the sheet of notebook paper out of his pocket, and unfolded it carefully. He looked at the ten digits, hating her for coming back. She should’ve just stayed… wherever the bloody hell she’s been all this time. He heaved a sigh, and began to dial. Three long rings passed before someone answered.

“Hello?” He asked, heart constricting in his chest.

“Hello?” A young girl asked over the phone.

“Hi, sweetheart. Is um… is your mum there?” He asked, assuming the girl to be Drusilla’s daughter.

“Um, yes. Hold on a minute.” She replied before putting the phone down. Spike could hear her calling for Drusilla soon after. A few ruffling noises, and there she was.

“Hello?” The familiar, and yet so foreign voice asked him.

“Hello Dru. We need to talk.”

“Alright, William.” He cringed at the use of his name. “Just tell me where and when?” He didn’t want her to come to his house, and he figured he’d better make things up with Dawn… He never meant to get so angry around her. That night when he thought she was… gone, and finding out about Drusilla, it had all been too much, and he blew up at her. He told Drusilla to meet them at the park, and to bring her other daughter as well. Eve was her name. He figured Dawnie could play, or talk, or do some girly thing with her while he talked to Dru.

Four tortuous days passed before the day of “The Meeting” came. Spike felt extreme trepidation, and wished to god he could have had himself a spot of courage before leaving, but he’d never drink, not even the tiniest bit, while driving Dawn around. He would never do anything to hurt his little girl.

****

Dawn could tell by the way he was gripping the steering wheel and how stiff his back was how tense her Dad was. She had to give him credit for trying, though. She was so incredibly nervous and anxious at meeting her little sister.

“Um, Dad? You sure you okay?” She asked timidly from the back seat.

“What? Oh. Um, yea luv. Doing fine. Just fine.” He half muttered to himself. He glanced at her from the rear view mirror, into her blue eyes. Her worrisome face had a somewhat calming effect on him. Spike focused on his driving.

They managed to make it to the park in one piece. Spike got out first, and helped Dawn hop down from the tall SUV. She took his hand and looked up at him, and it reassured him greatly. He nodded at her.
“Right then.” And off they went, walking across the vast green grass over to the playground area. He briefly scanned it before noticing her by the swings. Her back was to him, but he recognized her. She was a bit… fuller (in a good way), but he still recognized her figure. How could he forget? Try as he might, he could never forget. He paused a moment, and Dawn looked up at him questioningly.

“Are you ready?” She asked him, incredibly torn.

“For you.” He said, gripping her hand a bit tighter.

Together they approached the woman pushing the girl on the swings. Spike, seemingly frozen, stood there quietly, attempting to put on his “indifferent face.” Dawn caught her attention since he didn’t seem to be able to.

“Um, hi.” Dawn said shyly. Drusilla turned around in what seemed to be slow motion. She locked eyes with Spike, and looked every bit as nervous as he felt (he’d mastered the look of indifference). Drusilla broke the gaze first and looked down at Dawn.

“Hello, Dawn. I’m glad you and your father were able to make it. This is Eve.” She motioned to the blonde haired girl still swinging away. When she swung back towards them, Drusilla grasped the chains of the swing on either side of the small girl. Effectively stopping the swing, the girl hopped down and turned to face them all. She glanced at the two new comers with her brown eyes shyly before looking down at her pink and white gym shoes.

“Um, hi.” She looked up at Spike, then Dawn, pushing up her thin wire glasses up on her nose. “Mommy says you’re my new big sister?” She asked, and Dawn smiled at her.

“Yea. I’m your big sister. Dawn.” She said, sticking her hand out to the shorter girl.

“I’m Eve.” She shook Dawn’s hand before abruptly pulling the large girls towards her for a hug. Dawn looked briefly shocked, but the two girls were soon smiling. “Let’s go play!” She announced before running off, Dawn running after her. Spike’s eyes followed them over to the slides before looking at Drusilla again.

“Hello, Will-.”

“Don’t call me that. I don’t go by that name anymore.”

“Sorry.” She said a bit uneasily, clasping her hands in front of her. “Wanna have a seat?” She asked, gesturing to the park bench. It was facing the slides so they could keep an eye on the girls. Spike, jaw clenched, merely stalked over to it, and plopped down on the far end on one side of it. Drusilla sat down in the middle- not too close and not too far.

“So, what shall I call you then?”

“What? Plan on sticking around?”

“Wi-”

“It’s Spike, now.” He gritted out.

“Spike?” He just looked at her with a hint of a glare. “Alright then, Spike. I’m sure we should be able to suss this out like adults.”

“Fine.” He said, keeping his eyes on Dawn all the while, crossing his arms and overtly ignoring the traitorous woman beside him.

“Could you at least look at me?” She asked softly, reaching out to touch his tense arm. As soon as her fingertips made the barest contact, he flinched away, nearly falling off the bench.

“Jesus! What are you doing?” He asked frantically, looking at her.

“Calm down, will you? I was just trying to get your attention.”

“My attention, eh? Why couldn’t you’ve just stayed a ghost?” He asked morosely.

“Because… I thought that you and Dawnie would want to know Eve. I know I messed up, but the children shouldn’t suffer because of it. Lindsay and I-”

“Lindsay? Who’s she?”

“He is the man I’ve been seeing for the past four years. We’ve done the best we could, but Eve still needs the both of you in her life. You guys are the missing piece.” Spike squinted his eyes at her, shifting his body around to face her.

“Me? Why would I-”

“Because…” Drusilla cut him off, breathing deeply before looking over at her girls. “I didn’t know it, when I left you. But I was four weeks pregnant, William. Eve is yours.”

“I said she’s yours, Will.” He sat there, quietly, face scrunched up in confusion and shock. Maybe a bit of anger, but she couldn’t tell precisely. She took a deep breath, nervously, tucking her hair behind her ears. But she had to march on like a brave, little soldier, didn’t she? She had to explain to him.

“I found out two months after you left.”

“No, you left.” He said in a low, angry tone. “You left, not the other way around.” He reiterated softly, shaking his head slightly.

“I know. I only meant when you left town— a month and a half after I left you…” She said softly, that sounded soothing. And yet… it didn’t soothe him, or his nerves.

“I wavered between feeling depressed and angry when I found out. I still wasn’t ready. But I suppose, there’s no real way to plan for parenthood.”

“Yea?” He asked sarcastically. “Well you could have started by actually wanting and loving your child.” He said derisively. She was at a total loss for words after that. He was right, of course. What else could she say? Simply… nothing.

*****
He wanted to hurt her. He wanted her to feel every nuance of pain, and be in agony in every cell of her body. She nearly ruined him; broke him down; made him weak. The only reason he recovered so quickly was because of Dawn; his own personal ray of sunlight in a sea of darkness. And yet… there was Eve. He looked up at her, swinging on the suspended tire with Dawn, opposite of each other.

She was smaller than Dawn at that age. Bloody hell, Dawn was at that age last year… They’re only a little over a year apart. She had long, wavy blonde hair that curled on the ends. The sight of her hair took him back to a place in the recesses of his mind. He could see her— his mother, sitting at her vanity, brushing the long strands that were the color of a golden wheat field, smiling at him from her reflection. Eve had that same hair. Brown eyes like Dru, though… He couldn’t get a good look at her from such a distance, but he tried to re-visualize her face, and thought that she could potentially have his nose. And she wore glasses. Spike felt his throat constrict, and was overcome by dry mouth. I have two daughters..

“I wanted to give her away.”

“You would.” She continued on as if he hadn’t said anything.

“I didn’t want to see her after I gave birth, but my mother forced me to. She said that I had to own up to the choices I made in my life, and I’m so glad that she did. I can’t imagine my life without her.”

“And yet you left Dawn with no problem.”

“I knew she’d be safe with you. I’ve felt terrible about leaving her for years.”

“Really? And how do you think she’s gonna feel once she realizes that it wasn’t that mommy didn’t want kids, but mommy didn’t want her? What do you think that’ll do to her?” Drusilla sat there, lips drawn tight as she watched her girls on the tire swing as well. “And why come back with all of this now? You sure didn’t do it for Dawn’s benefit.”

“Enough, William.” She said, looking at him with hurt in her eyes. “I understand that you’re angry with me—”

“Anger doesn’t even begin to—”

“And that’s fine. But don’t you dare presume to know how I feel about all of this. And I did come back a few years ago, but I saw that Dawn was happy, and that she didn’t need me.”

“And she still doesn’t, by the way.”

“But Eve needs her. Think what you must about me, but please, don’t deny her Dawn. Or you. You’re her family too, and she just wants to know you…” She pleaded. Spike turned his head, and looked at the golden hair girl once more.

“I still want a blood test.” He mumbled, even though he knew she was most certainly his.

“Alright.” She replied softly. Spike rose from the bench slowly, and walked towards his girls. He swallowed a bit as his gaze focused in on the younger one. He stopped at the monkey bars, leaning casually against the pole, craving a cigarette and resisting the urge. He watched the two of them together, laughing, and wondered what the hell he was going to do.

*****

She knew that he was watching her—she could feel his eyes on her. She wanted to look at him too, but was too scared of what she would see. He probably hated her mommy, and he probably hated her too. She felt this… wave of sadness overcome her for a moment. Sure, Lindsay was nice… but he wasn’t her dad. She looked up at Dawn, smiling at her as they twirled up and around on the tire swing.

“Dawn? Do you think Dad likes me?” Dawn’s brow scrunched up in confusion at the question.

“Do I think my Dad likes you? Why wouldn’t he?”

“I dunno. But I’m sure he likes you way better. You’re probably his favorite, but that makes sense, I guess.”

“His favorite? What are you talking about?”

“Between the two of us.”

“Why would he want to choose between the two of us? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Dawn, he’s my Daddy too. But I’m scared cause he doesn’t know me.” Dawn grew silent, and turned her head to look at her father, supposedly their father. Sticking her long legs through the hole of the tire and touching the ground, she stopped it from swinging before bending down, coming out from underneath it, ignoring the fact that Eve nearly fell off of it backwards. She approached her dad with determination, and a bit of fear as she saw the look of concern on his face at Eve’s near fall.

“Dad, is… Is it true?” She asked, arms folded and not looking directly at him.

“Is what true, kitten?”

“Are you… Are you Eve’s… Is Eve your daughter too?” Spike exhaled as he looked at his daughter—his oldest daughter.

“Yea, Bit. She… does she look like me to you?” Dawn looked at him with his infuriating head tilt and felt rage. And hurt.

“I wanna go home. I don’t feel good.” She said, not looking at him again.

“Dawn, I know that you feel—”

“I said I don’t feel good. I want to go home now.” Well, Spike certainly wasn’t expecting that.

“You sure?” Dawn squeezed her arms a bit tighter around herself.

“Take me home now, please.”

“Alright. Just give us a sec, yea?” He said before walking towards Eve, watching as she cautiously climbed off of the tire swing. Dawn felt something constrict in her chest as her dad walked away from her. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and headed towards her mother.

“Dawnie, what’s wrong?” Dawn was so upset, she didn’t even bother to correct Drusilla when she called her the pet name only reserved for close friends and family—particularly her dad.

“Nothing. I’m just… just ready to go home, is all.” She said solemnly, wanting sanctuary.

*****

“Say uh, listen pet. Dawn’s not feeling very well, so I’m going to take her home.”

“She seemed fine a few minutes ago.” The girl mumbled, not looking at him. He put his finger underneath her chin, and gently prodded her head upwards so that she was looking at him.

“Just give her time. And I want you to know that you’re welcome to come over anytime—as much as you like. I want to get to know you, Eve.”

“You do?” She asked skeptically, her dark brown eyes staring at him.

“Of course, luv. Only sorry we couldn’t… that I wasn’t there before.” She smiled brightly at him before wrapping her arms around his torso.

“Just as long as you’re here now.” She said with content, until she remembered that Dawn may hate her.

*****

Spike was almost certain that the tension in the car on the way home was tangible. Dawn, in her attempt to avoid talking to him, turned the radio on to some god awful pop station, cranked up some Hillary Duff, and sat turned away from in the passenger seat, staring listlessly out the window. Spike looked over at her, and slowly turned the music down.

“Dawn, sweetheart. Are you okay?” He asked softly

“I’m fine.” She grumbled, still not looking at him.

“You’re clearly not. Tell me what’s wrong.” She turned and looked at him, tears in her eyes.

“Eve’s your daughter too?” She asked, hurt and sadness in her voice.

“Well… I didn’t know, Dawnie. Not till today.”

“Do you like her more than me?” She crossed her arms across her chest, looking at the road.

“Dawn, you know that’s an unfair question. I don’t even know her. But when I do get to know her, I'll like you both equally, but as individuals. I love you both just the same.” Dawn looked horrified at that.

“You love her? As in now? How did that happen? You just said you didn’t even know her. How am I supposed to compete with that?”

“Dawn, it isn’t a competition, okay? It’s just… As a parent, knowing that she’s mine as well, I can’t help but love her. I don’t think I’m explaining this right. It’s complicated.”

“Then how come mo—Drusilla didn’t ‘just love’ me? Not that I care or anything, cause I so don’t.” Spike swallowed, focusing on his driving.

“Like I said, it’s complicated, pet.” He reiterated softly. How in the blue hell was he supposed to answer all of these questions without sounding like a wanker? Was such a thing even possible?