Prolouge: Feelings

Tuesday, November 12, 2003

Spike sat at a table in some dive he had stumbled upon, nursing a beer and devouring the plate of chicken wings in front of him slowly but surely.

He was thinking about her again, big surprise there. It was three weeks after the ordeal, the fight, the end of the scoobies struggle, and he still felt nothing at all.

She was gone again and he couldn't even force his eyes to tear.

The only reason Spike even felt guilty about her death was that he couldn't feel guilt about it at all. He just wanted to feel. That thought released another flood gate of memories.

Particularly thier singing escapades, when she sang about just wanting to feel. He could make her feel, but Spike guessed that it was fair since she made him feel and now with her gone Spike couldn't feel anything at all.

Last time she left he could feel, feel the horrible pain, guilt and sorrow. Spike would give anything to feel those things again.

Spike guessed that last time she left his unnatural vampire premonition told him she was coming back. She wouldn't be gone for long.

This time it was for real. Death had finally caught up with Buffy and this time it wasn't letting go. This wasn't a game or a joke, this was actual death and he couldn't force himself to care.

Without her he couldn't care about anything even Dawn and the scoobies. Hell he couldn't even give a fuck about himself.

Spike continued to sit at some table in some dive he had stumbled upon, nursing a beer and devouring the plate of chicken wings in front of him slowly but surely. Spike continued to not feel anything at all

Wenesday November 13, 2003

In the new CEO's office at the L.A. branch of Wolfram & Hart an amulet fell to the floor as a swirl of particles rose from it. A few seconds later the particles had formed their desired shape.

"Buffy"

"Buffy"

"Slayer"

"Oh Hell"

AN ~ hey I just went back and realized that I didn't make it clear who said slayer when Buffy appeared if you hadn't figured it out Gunn said it not Harmony, Sorry if there was confusion


"Buffy", Angel repeated, stunned.

"How", was all Wesley could get out.

"Oh my god, Buffy is it really you"

"S-S-Spike", Buffy stuttered out looking around the room.

Angel's bright smile deflated a little, "He's not here, Buffy are you all right"

"Angel?" Buffy inquired

"Yeah it's me"; Angel said his grin back in place

There were a few moments of silence interrupted only by the chiming of the clock. Just then Harmony entered the room.

"Oh my god, the Slayer is here to kill me. Angel don't let her get me." Harmony shrieked in a high pitched voice, running to hide behind Gunn's back.

"Harmony" Buffy said scrunching up her nose and rolling her eyes at the vampire

"Buffy", Angel said for the third time.

"Yes, we have established that I am Buffy already. Can we now move on to the issue of me being here in your office instead of dead." Buffy questioned, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"It's really you", Angel stated, completely ignoring Buffy's previous statement.

Angel then dramatically ran over to Buffy in an attempt to throw his arms around her but instead of smothering her in his embrace he fell right through her and hit his head on the side of his desk, knocking himself unconscious.

Twenty minutes later

Gunn, Fred, Lorne, Wesley, and Angel sat around the conference table in Angel's office. Buffy was standing in a corner still trying to adjust to the fact that she wasn't solid.

Harmony had been sent away when she wouldn't stop whining about Buffy being in her work place. Angel was holding an ice pack to his forehead and Wesley, Lorne, Fred and Gunn were all trying not to stare at Buffy.

"Angel, are okay", Fred asked in an attempt to break the awkward silence.

"Yeah man you hit your head hard" said Gunn following Fred's example and trying to make conversation.

At this Buffy had to bite her lip in order to stifle a giggle. She was still reasonably traumatized what with being incorporeal and all, but even she had to admit Angel's head wound was pretty funny.

"I'm fine", Angel exclaimed, rightly annoyed, "But what about you Buffy"

"What do you think", Buffy ranted, "I am at my ex-boyfriends workplace surrounded by people I never thought I would see again because I died, for the third time I might add. Speaking of dying did I also mention that this would be my third resurrection? Why won't you people just let me stay dead for once? Is that too much to ask? Oh yeah not to mention I am incorporeal. So yeah Angel I'm fine" Buffy finished her rant slightly out of breath.

"Calm down Buffy, Fred and the Science Department well have it all figured out and you well be back to normal in no time. Isn't that right Fred." Angel said in what he meant to be a caring, thoughtful voice but turned out to sound more then a little condescending.

Fred opened her mouth to answer but was cut off by Buffy before she had a chance to speak, "Calm down, you want me to calm down. Where do you get off telling me to calm down? I am a fucking ghost. You know what I am out of here since you clearly can't help me"

"Buffy, wait. I am sorry I didn't mean it like that. I want to help I really do"

"You wanna help fine"; Buffy spat out, "Then tell me where I can find my friends"

"Buffy please don’t leave"

"Just tell me Angel"

Angel sighed, he decided it wasn't worth the struggle to get Buffy to stay, "Giles opened a training school for slayers in New York. Everyone except Xander is there with him"

"Where's Xander"

"No one knows"

"I need to go, I'm sorry Angel but I need to see them"

Buffy turned on her heel and exited the lobby through the elevator. As soon as the automated ding sound could be heard, Angel stepped back into the office.

Facing his the remaining people at the table he crossed his arms over his chest and said in an authoritive voice, "We need to find her".

Authors Note: Hey all someone nominated me at Spangfuffy.com (I swear I didn't nominate myself) and whoever did I love you forever thank you so much.


Buffy was pissed. She had tried countless times to leave this godforsaken city but every time she got near the border her insides started to undergo a feeling that was strangely similar to the feeling one gets when their insides are in the middle of a tug-a-war contest between themselves and an unknown force.

What she found peculiar is that when she arrived at Wolfram & Hart for the second time, (in her opinion her two visits to the law firm were by far two too many), Angel wasn't there and in fact was accompanying a massive search party he had sent in order to find her. In turns out she had arrived at Angel's headquarters long before the ever-persevering "rescue" squad decided to head home. When confronted Angel he merely dismissed the thirty highly trained men as, "his bodyguards"; he then laughed suspiciously and changed the subject.

At this moment, Angel and his crew plus Buffy were discussing possible causes and solutions to Buffy's current predicament. Also Harmony was there but no one, including Harmony, knew why.

"I could really tell you more if you let me get her into the lab", Fred said her head rolling around in her hands as a sign of her utter exhaustion.

"I well let her go with you just wait one minute", said Angel, "One more time Buffy describe what happened on the hellmouth"

"Ok", Buffy said mumbling expletives under her breath, "It went like this, The first was planning to raise an army of super duper vamps and we had to stop it. So we turned every girl who might be a slayer in to a slayer, simple, no. Anyway while we were fighting the fight of our lives I was wearing the amulet Angel brought"

"Wait", Angel interrupted Buffy's story, "Didn't I tell you not to wear that. You could have been killed, in the non-coming back sense of the word"

"Well peaches I don't always listen to you now do I. Anyway as I was saying in was wearing the amulet and fighting the ubervamps when suddenly I started burning"

"Burning?"

"Burning", Buffy confirmed

"So I start yelling at everyone to get the hell out and everyone does, the end" Buffy intentionally left out the part where Faith had to drag Spike out of the collapsing cavern and into the saftey of the school bus because thinking about Spike was just too hard and she didn't have enough strength right now to deal with it."

There was an awkard silence as one by one everyone in the room, exepct Harmony, reconized the look on Buffy's face, a look that said she was remembering something that she wasn't fond of speaking of. Angel was the only one to know what or more specifially who that person was.

Suddenly Wesley jumped up from his seat and yelled "eureka"

"You say eureka", Buffy questined amused. Lorne gave her a knowing glance.

Wesley ignored Buffy, "I think I know what the amulet is". He then fleed the confrence room.

"Well is he gonna tell us"

A couple seconds later he was back this time so engrossed in the text he was reading he ran into the door.

"Here's an idea how about you guys wear helmets around the office." , Buffy comented sarcastically.

Wesley started to read out loud from the passage, "It says here that the Lacer Amulet, which I beleive Buffy wore, is used on enemy's as a sorda Trojan horse. One gives the amulet to thier enemy as a sign of peace and surrender and after a period of time when the amulet is activatd its sucks the, well the literal translation is essense of the person who comes into contact with the amulet into the amulet"

There was some more silence as everyone prossed the new information.

"Wait" Buffy burst, "Spike touched the amulet too."

"Well", Wesley said as he flipped pages at an alarming rate.

"Well what, What are you trying to say"

"I think maybe Buffy has a little bit of", Wesley bit his lip.

"Spit it out"

"I think Buffy has some of Spike's soul in her"

Chapter Three

AN ~ This is kind of a long chapter and I am sorry for the wait. Please review

"What" Buffy screeched causing both Wesley and Angel to flinch. They were the only two in the room who had experienced the wrath of Buffy; the other four were blissfully oblivious to Wesley and Angel's discomfort.

"Buffy", Angel said while approaching her cautiously, "Maybe you should just sit down and try to breathe"

"Don't tell me what to do Fang boy", Buffy turned on Angel, "You're not the one with Spike's soul in them." Buffy paused, "I think I just offended myself."

"Fred", Angel said while never taking his eyes off Buffy, "Wanna run those test now"

Suddenly pandemonium broke out in the room. Buffy was having a temper tantrum in which she was displaying the fact that Spike's soul made her regress into have an emotional maturity much like that of a three year old.

It was actually quite a funny tantrum. Buffy would try to hurl Angel because he made some remark about Spike's not so favorable qualities, and then she would realize she couldn't quite grasp solid objects in her ghost hands so she would launch herself at Angel only to go right through him and the table.

Fred, Gunn and Lorne might have laughed if they were not so preoccupied by trying to get Angel's "bodyguards" to leave the room. They had come insisting that the tiny blonde women was a threat and needed to be "eliminated".

Gunn had made the mistake about questioning Buffy's strength (when she was corporeal) since she was a small girl. That got him a slap on the arm from Fred and a whole new argument with the female "bodyguards" and the male ones.

Lorne, who had been strangely soft-spoken since his bosses dead ex showed up in the office, unable to touch things and holding her other lovers soul in her the other lover who happened to be his bosses main rival, snapped.

"Everybody shut up right now or I swear to god I well sing the Star Spangled Banner as I high as I can go" Lorne screeched.
Only Buffy didn't get it. All the others learned to not take Lorne's threats as idle ones. Damn Bete Midler.

"OK here is how it is going to go" Lorne said, taking charge of the chaos, "Buffy you are going to sing something that isn't going to make the ear drums in my cheek bleed and the I am going to tell you what you need to know. You guys", Lorne continued, gesturing to Angel's bodyguards", "Are going to leave right now, no questions asked. Fred you are going to prep the lab so as soon as I am done with Buffy you can test her. Wesley you are going to research more and Gunn set up Buffy's accommodations. OK people move move move.

Everyone stared blankly at Lorne.

"I said go"

At Lorne's command the "bodyguards" clumsily scrambled out the door. Fred too made a hasty retreat to the Lab. Both Gunn and Wesley looked like they were going to say something but both left the room reluctantly.

Now only Angel, Buffy, Lorne and Harmony were in the room.

"What do you want me to do Lorney Toons."

Lorne was about to respond when Angel cut in, "just leave"

"Fine"

Buffy then spoke up; "Did you want me to sing"

"That is the idea, yes"

"Oh well I have had some pretty bad experiences with the whole singing dancing scene"

"I just need I short song"

"OK but if a sharply dressed demon shows up and tries to marry people then don't say I didn't warn you."

Both Lorne and Angel shrugged and chalked it up to a scooby thing.

Buffy's voice cut through the air.

"The record shows
I shot the bloke
And I did it
Mmmmmmyyy way"

"That's it you can stop" Lorne said hurriedly, "really no need to continue"

Angel too was shaken by Buffy's choice of song and also by the way she carried it out but he didn't comment on it.

"All right what is wrong with me", Buffy said in what she meant to be a nonchalant voice but cam out more like a forced calm, because although she didn't show it she was also wierded out by her choice of song.

"Well there is definitely more than one person inside her body"

"How can you tell"

"Well everybody's life force runs on a different frequency and from Buffy I am picking up two different frequency hence to different peoples life forces are in Buffy"

"What does that mean, that I am going to be channeling my inner Spike from time to time, or am I just going to be a combination of us both"

"Well from what I can tell there are going to be periods where Spike's life force well be the dominant life force, Yep, that's basically it. Now, if you don't mind, I am going to go drink myself into a coma", and with that Lorne fled the room.

An uncomfortable silence took over the room once more since neither Buffy nor Angel knew exactly how to approach the subject of Buffy's predicament.

"Maybe I should get a new name"

"Huh", Angel responded, stunned.

"A new name, like Spuffy or something"

"Huh", Angel repeated.

"You know Buffy, Spike, Spuffy"; Buffy said trying to spell it out for Angel.

"I still don't get it"

"It is a combination of our names you great poof"

"Poof?" Angel said raising his eyebrows.

"Sorry, it's a Spike thing", Buffy said out loud then immediately adding, "yeah right", under her breath.

Buffy decided to change the subject, "I need you to call Giles for me and tell him about my return. In need to see Spike"

"I well get around to it"

"I am trusting you"

"I know"

Not a one of them noticed Eve who had been listening in on the office for god knows how long. Just then she pulled out her cell phone and hit speed dial number one,

"Hey hon we have a problem"

"What is it Babe", Eve heard Lindsey saying from the phone.

"Well I am looking at what came out of the amulet and it's not a male vampire"

"Spike cam back as a girl"

"No, Buffy did"

"Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

"The one and apparently not so only"

"That's bad I already mailed the package"

"Oh shit"

"Meet me at the house and we well discuss this further"

"Love you Lindsey"

"I love you Eve"

Eve hung up her cell phone and smoothed out her skirt.

"Stop right their Eve", Angel said from his spot in the door way where he had heard her entire conversation.

"Angel" Eve said trying to cover for herself, "I was just passing through. I am going to leave now see you tomorrow's

"Not so fast" Angel said

Buffy rolled her eyes at his clichés.

"We heard everything you said and we are not going to let you go anywhere"

"You well never get anything from me", Eve screamed as she pulled a shotgun from her handbag.

"Sweetie", Buffy said as she addressed Eve, "Bullets go right through me and Angel doesn't get killed by them"

"I know" Eve said dramatically raising the shotgun end toward her temple, "this is for me", she said as she pulled the trigger.

Buffy was the first one to speak, "Okay problem solved, once again let me say you have such lovely employees here"

"Well I guess that settles it" Angel said surprised.

"Damn", Buffy said sarcastically, "I hope all my enemies are like