Chapter 1

Buffy collapsed on the bed and lazily pulled her boots off. Retreating into her room was like her sanctuary. She rubbed her sore eyes, she couldn’t remember the time when she actually slept in. Everyday she had to take care of her mother, cook her food and other small choirs around the house. Finding out that Joyce had cancer was the hardest thing to take in, it became harder for Buffy to be around her mother knowing that that day could be her last.

Ofcourse it would’ve been easier if Joyce stayed at the hospital and got proper care, but money was tight, and her father wasn’t too keen on supporting his dying ex-wife. Even the doctors themselves said that it’s the best option, considering the fact that she wouldn’t be getting any better and it’s important that she spends her last days in the comfort of her home with her daughter.

Buffy hated that sometimes she was being selfish enough to think of her mother as a burden. Her social life was non-existent. Her relationship with her boyfriend was going downhill, she just didn’t have the time to go out to parties and all those things she now considered silly. Six months have changed her life completely.

Buffy Summers was the school’s most popular girl, she could have any guy she wanted. She was also the biggest bitch…actually that was an understatement. Even the Queen C was nothing compared to Buffy. But her world was turned upside down the day her parents filed for divorce and her father moved to LA. Soon after that she received phone call from the hospital that changed everything.

Going to school wasn’t an option for Buffy. She had to get a job to support herself and her mother. Working twelve hours a day was just enough to cover the food and medication expenses.

Many nights she cried herself to sleep. She was sure that it was karma. After all, what goes around comes around. She made fun of Xander for being pizza boy, now she herself was making hamburgers. She was so bitchy, that when she needed support of her friends she realised that she none left.

Buffy let out a long sigh and reached into the first draw of her bedside and pulled out a small bottle of bourbon, taking small sips just to dull the pain and to dissolve the reality even if it is for a short time, that was enough to give her strength to keep going and repeat the same routine the next day and the day after that. She kept drinking until she drank all the content of the bottle. Her fingers eased the grip on the bottle, and then she let go of it, letting it fall on the floor with a small thud. She got up from her bed and quickly got dressed before quietly walking down the stairs hoping not to disturb her mother. She glanced at the door to Joyce’s room just before exiting the house.

Joyce knew that her daughter was doing everything she could, she hoped that maybe after she was gone, Buffy would be able to get her life back on track, yet she somehow doubted that. Buffy wouldn’t have any family left, no close friends…no one… she’d have no one.

She heard an object fall on the floor with a thud, she knew what it was, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell Buffy off about her drinking problem. After all she was meant to be taking care of her daughter, not the other way around.

At just 17 Buffy had to go through so much that many would never have to. She knew that Buffy wanted her life back, the one that she had when her father was around. Joyce smiled at the memory of her daughter going to the Bronze with a few friends. She was the prettiest, any mother would say that their child is the best, and it’s true…but Buffy always had that glow as if she was sunshine. Her once bright and make up covered eyes were now dull and constantly red due to the lack of sleep.

Joyce came to peace with her fate a long time ago, she was now only worried about Buffy and how she’d handle everything. Buffy was strong, she knew that, but everyone had their limits.

Closing her eyes she prayed…for Buffy just as she heard the door close.


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Buffy walked the empty streets of Sunnydale. The cool wind chilled her to the bone, but she was determined to get to her destination. After all she promised Devon that she’d come to his party, hopefully that would make up for the last ten dates she had to cancel because she needed more hours at work.

As she reached the house she saw the people were already in the party mood. She could smell alcohol even before she came inside…or maybe it was her breath…. either way everyone had a drink in their hand and danced to the beat of the music that was painfully loud.

She continued walking through the house, looking for her boyfriend who was nowhere in sight. Just then she noticed cheering from all the guys and turned to see what was it all about, only then she hoped she didn’t.

In the middle of the room was Devon and some girl sticking their tongue down each other’s throats and his hands doing god knows what under her skirt. The two of them and all others were clearly off their faces, but that wasn’t a reason good enough to cheat on her with a slut. Buffy knew that it would happen some day…sooner or later, it just happened sooner then she expected. However she felt nothing no anger no hurt or pain…just absolutely nothing. This numb feeling wasn’t new to her, there was this emotion barrier… a void that never used to be there. It was more like a self-protecting mechanism.

She walked out of the house without saying anything, without making Devon aware of her presence. No, she didn’t care any more.

Chapter 2


Roaming the streets Buffy started to question her existence. Everything without her would’ve turned out well. And who knows maybe her parents would still be together.
She let out a long sigh, she was never good at anything, not even self-pity.
As she crossed the street she hasn’t even bothered to look at the coming cars, she just walked in that trance like motion. Luckily…or perhaps unluckily for her, there weren’t any cars on the quiet suburban road.

She walked to the only place that was her asylum, well apart from her bedroom… the Bronze. She rarely showed up there nowadays. She hated being reminded of the life that she had or could’ve had if she was a bit nicer. She had to learn that the hard way.

“Oh well, what’s done is done” Her mind commented as she strode inside. She remembered how her and her friends would go out every Friday night after school and have a blast. Yes, the good old days.

She pulled up a stool and sat down by the bar. Glancing around she saw Cordelia, Willow, Oz and Xander laughing. A bitter smile spread across her lips. She was the one who cast Cordelia out of the ‘cool’ group, but by the looks of it she wasn’t complaining anymore. It’s funny how fast things could change.

Buffy turned around and faced the bartender. As sad and pathetic as it sounded, Tony was the only person she could talk to. He was actually very found of the girl. At only 17 she’s been through so much, while many would’ve had a breakdown, Buffy lived with struggle every single day.
He poured coke into her glass and added a bit of scotch, she smiled at him as he passed her the illegal drink. Tonight she just wanted to drown in her sorrows. Even though she stopped caring a long time ago what Devon did, it still hurt. In the past year she watched the people that she held dear to her heart walk out of her life, and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it. It was always too little, too late.

She honestly didn’t know how she’d live without her mom. Some days she just wanted to kill herself and be done with it. But suicidal thoughts only lasted a few minutes. After all God brought her into this world for a reason, but honestly she couldn’t see it…. unless it was pain and suffering.

From the corner of her eye she saw a figure dressed in all black sit next to her. She slightly turned her head to look at the man. He gave her a weak smile, and she returned it, but her eyes remained still and emotionless. She turned to face the bar once again and stared into her drink as if she was looking into the crystal ball trying to find the answers.

She could feel his eyes on her, scanning her up and down. She decided to ignore it. It’s been a while since a guy ever gave her any attention, probably because she constantly smelled like French fries. She chuckled at her conclusion and took another sip.

She could hear girly laughs in the background. Just then she noticed blonde girl walking to the bar…Harmony. Buffy always hated the stupid bitch. Ever since she found out about Buffy’s problems she started making fun of it in the most blunt ways.

“Oh, Buffy! Haven’t seen you in a while” She said with a fake sweet smile.

“Yeh” Buffy replied dryly and turned back to her drink.

“Tell me sweetie, is your mother dead yet?” She asked with curiosity.

“No” Buffy stated and had to push back the anger that was rising in her.

“Oh, well I hope you’ll let us know when she is, I’m sure me and the girls would join you at the service” Harmony said just after ordering a cappuccino

“Harmony, get lost” Buffy barked at the blonde.

“Gosh, I almost forgot, how unpleasant you really are. Oh and don’t worry I was just kidding about the whole showing up at the funeral thing. I’d rather be boiled alive” She said with a giggle and walked away.
Buffy’s grip on the glass tightened until the sides of the glass couldn’t hold out against the pressure and burst into many pieces, digging into her skin.

Generally Buffy was against self-harm, but these days pain was the only thing that made her feel alive. She opened up her palm and looked at the pieces of sharp glass stuck in her gentle skin. She let the blood flow freely, while Tony ran to her with a towel. Instead of stopping the bleeding she smashed her palm against the bar’s wooden top, letting the sharp bits dig into her skin even deeper. She smiled in satisfaction.

Looking over at the platinum blonde guy, he gave her a somewhat knowing look.

“You know pain is not the answer” He said and nodded towards her bleeding palm. He couldn’t help but lick his lips.

“I know, but it helps” She replied.

“I’m Spike by the way,” He said, and just as he did he wondered why the hell he did that. She was only going to serve as a late night snack.

“Buffy” She stated blankly.

“I should get going” She said as she got up from the stool and left a 10 dollar note on the bench.
Spike watched her get up, but he wasn’t about to let his low calorie meal walk out.

He walked out a few seconds after her, following her step. She slowly turned around and faced him. She knew that nothing good could come out of a random person following her from the bar, yet she still stood her ground.

“What do you want?” She questioned.

“A decent meal” He said with a smirk.

“Yeah, well don’t we all…. the diner is down the road from here” She said and was about to walk off, when she felt his strong grip on her jaw.

“See, I don’t think you quite understood me…” He said as he vamped out and then added. “You would make a good snack”

Buffy just stared blankly at him. He himself was actually getting bored, he liked his prey screaming, kicking and running for their lives…. well not this one.

“Okay” She stated emotionlessly. The bint was totally off her bird. He was about to bite her…but then he saw the look in her eyes. They were blank, no fear, no nothing. Just her emerald eyes shining in the moonlight. He slowly pulled away, his human visage back in place and took a step back.

“You got a death wish, luv?” He asked, his voice calm and smooth. Her head nodded, answering his question.

“You know what it’s like watching someone you love slip away from you day by day…and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it? Do you know what it feels like knowing that it’s you against the world when they’re gone…do you have any…” She said her voice breaking and turning into a soft sob as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Spike didn’t know what to do. He really did know what it’s like going through all those things. That’s what it was like for him in the last decade, watching Drusilla die and he couldn’t do anything about it. The desire for a decent meal went out the window as he wrapped his arms around Buffy’s body and patting her back, helping her let it all out.