My name is Elizabeth Summers, Buffy for short. I’m 17 years old, 5’3”, and blonde. I enjoy movies, reading, dancing, gym class, and English. I live with my mom, Joyce, on Revello Drive. A standard life. I am lucky enough to cross paths with the elites at Sunnydale High, I’m a junior. I actually used to enjoy going there - I had friends, a life. That all changed February 27, 2001. But that’s for another time. A time far away from here - a time where I’m ready.

Now where were we, right Sunnydale High. If you go there, you’re parents are millionaires or your parents work for millionaires. Sunnydale, California a town without the middle class. If you’re in the second group, you get a job; fast food, movie theatres, mini-marts. Or you could be me. My after school job means selling people slug candles, and mummy hands. I work at a magic shop. Not my first choice, but the only place in town that would hire me - the owner is new to Sunnydale, so he hasn’t quite figured it out yet. Rupert Giles is the owner. A really kind man, he practically threw the job at me. And he’s British - so everything he says always sounds so cool.

The only downside to this job? Giles’ son, William - or Spike as he likes to be called. Every town has an obligatory psychotic jackass - he’s ours. He was quick to jump on the Hate Buffy Bandwagon - and that wagon is getting pretty big. It’s not like I did anything to him, at first. At first, I was being nice - he was Giles’s son - I like Giles - therefore, I’ll be nice. But no - he has to go ignoring me, and if he does even look in my general direction it’s either in disgust, boredom, or to throw a random insult my way. It’s not like I can’t take it - hell he’s one of the nicer ones - but I wonder what set him off this instant dislike of me. Well actually, I wonder who - no - I wonder what rumour it was. I’ve lost track.

So that’s my life. I get up, eat breakfast, go to school, go to work, come home, do homework, then go to sleep. And somewhere in-between all that I find time to investigate a murder. Didn’t expect that did you? Yes, in my spare time I investigate the horrible murder of a teenage girl. She was killed February 27, 2001. She was my sister.

Dawn was like every other teenage girl. She enjoyed hanging out with her friends, her boyfriend (who I might add is the most popular guy in school), shopping, gossip, makeup, ect. She was a sophomore and the most popular girl in school. Everyone knew her and liked her. She was always up for a good time and she was destined for greatness. She was having the time of her life in high school - she had friends, she had everything. That’s why her death came at such a shock to everyone.

I came home, just like every other day. I was a bit late because I had stayed a bit longer at the library, to try and finish my homework. God - If I had just come home straight from school… never mind. I came home to find the house quite and empty. Unusual as Dawn could always be heard from her room talking to her friends and blaring her music. But there was no chatter - no music. Just silence. I called out her name - silence answered me back. I figured she must be out somewhere - so I began to make a snack for myself. I walked into the kitchen and stopped, there were dishes sitting next to the sink, waiting to be washed. Only Dawn does that. So she must be home or at least she was. I quickly looked at the table - her purse was sitting on it. She never leaves that anywhere. I called out her name again - and again no answer. I quickly ran up the stairs to her room - her door was shut but there was no sound emitting from it - she must be sleeping, I thought. I slowly opened the door, not wanting to disturb her - her bed was empty. She was on the floor. I screamed. She wasn’t moving. I quickly ran and sat beside her - screaming her name.

“Dawn? DAWN!!!! DAWN!!! DAWN!!!” I yelled as I started shaking her.

This is where I noticed the blood. It was everywhere - how could I not have seen it before? It originated from her head. Then I saw the bloody phone next to her. I quickly regained my senses and pulled out my cell phone from my pocket and dialled 9-1-1. They found me rocking her body back and forth still in the same position - saying her name over and over again.

The rest was a blur. I remember voices, screaming, tears, and being asked many questions. I don’t think I was much help. I was pretty out of it. Who could do that? To Dawn of all people? I was at the Police Station for the longest time. Getting asked the same questions over and over again. The most frequent were “Are you okay?” and “Do you know of anyone who would want to hurt Dawn?” Both were unanswerable. How could I be okay? My little sister just died. I would never be okay. And for suspects? Unconsciously I was compiling a list right then and there - a list I have stuck to since that moment.

Now the reason the town hates me? Besides the fact many believe I killed her in an act of jealousy? I stood beside my mother’s belief that Dawn’s boyfriend, Conner, had killed her. Conner was the son of Sunnydale’s richest citizen, Lindsey McDonald. More than half the town owes its fortunes to him - when the company went public, Lindsey McDonald made a billion dollars. And so did everyone working for him, right down to the secretarial staff. The town loves him. And so when Conner, with his father right by his side, stands before the press, tears in his eyes, and says how he misses the only love of his life - things change.

The town turned against mom and me. We lost everything, mom’s job, our social status, our house. We had to move alright. The loss of income was to great. And to think a week before we were up there with the elites. It’s not like we met the minimal net worth requirement - but we were welcome. Dawn and I were dating the sons of the most beloved man in town, Angel and Conner. True, Angel was a step son but their bank accounts mirrored each other and were bottomless. And money buys friends.

The news of Dawn’s death spread like wildfire - before you knew it the police video of the crime scene was leaked onto the web. It was everywhere. No one could understand how we could accuse the McDonald family - and we were blacklisted. Angel broke up with me two days after it happened. We haven’t spoken since.

I used to think I knew everyone in this town perfectly. But I know better now. This is hell. This is where all the scumbags come to do their lying and backstabbing, and yes even murder. I used to think I knew this town. Now I’m sure I don’t. But I promise this: I will find out what really happened and I will destroy whomever get in my way.

Now, there’s an introduction for you. Pretty much summarized everything. Wow - my entire life summarized in only a few words. Shocking isn’t it? If you are reading this - either you are my mother, you are snooping (if so do stop now), or I have finally succeeded in my dream. To get this story published. My story. I can picture it now To Plan A Perfect Murder by Buffy Summers or maybe I should get a different title. It sounds sort of like I killed someone. Which I didn’t - in case any of you were wondering. I did not kill Dawn.

Working titles will probably be added in the most random places as you read this. As I scribble down what I can during class and such. Right here I have The Dawn of Night that’s way to weird. But back on the story right? That’s what you’re reading this for. The story.

I am currently in fourth period English. I do enjoy this class, at least I did. This class is filled with the elites. They surround me - and they look at me like prey. But they know I won’t crack that easy. But they continue to try.

Right in front of me sits Cordelia Chase - one of the richest girls in school. She has now taken Dawn’s position. She is even secretly dating Conner - they are horrible liars. And they said I was jealous of Dawn. She has motive. And while she sits there, filing her nails, she doesn’t know that I’m practically burning a hole through her skull. She doesn’t know how I’m thinking of the possible ways she could have killed my little sister. She doesn’t know what I plan to do to her if it‘s true.

"Come on Dawn. I just don’t want to go home yet. You know how my mother is at this time,” Cordelia says as she motions drinking from a bottle with her hand.

“Fine - but you know how Buffy doesn’t like me having friends right after school.”

“Like she will do anything.”

“True. Okay lets go.” Dawn says as she turns expecting Cordelia to follow.

“Yay, perfect.” Cordelia says, a wicked smile passing her lips.

They arrive quickly at the house and they go up to Dawn’s room. “So did you want anything?” Dawn asks.

“A few things…one - your boyfriend.”

“What?” Dawn laughs out.

“No seriously - Conner told me he wants to dump you and date me.”

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m really not - I wanted to tell you privately - you know - so you wouldn’t get so embarrassed at school.”

“How nice of you.” Dawn chokes out, anger filling her eyes.

“I know right? So here you can call him up now and say everything is cool.” Cordelia says as she hands Dawn the phone.

Dawn just stares at the phone being held out to her, “Why does he want to go out with you?”

“Who wouldn’t?”

“I can name a pretty big bunch.”

“Listen Dawn - you might think you are all that and can do whatever you want - but I am the meanest girl ever in Sunnydale High - I always get what I want and I don’t care who I crush in the passing.”

“Wow - you really need to get over yourself - not everyone wants you - Especially Conner.”
“Conner loves me - and you will not get in the way of this.”

“Right….” Dawn says as she turns around and starts walking to her bed.

“Oh - no one gets to speak to me like that.” Cordelia barked as she raised the phone still in her hand above her head.

“MY GOD! WILL YOU JUST SHUT -” Dawn began to say as she turned around, only to be hit with the phone on the side of her head. She quickly fell to the ground.

Cordelia just stood there - still holding the phone - just staring at Dawn’s lifeless body. She quickly rubbed the phone with her shirt, through it on the ground, and ran from the house. She jumped into her car and drove as far away as she could - trying to put it behind her.

The scene I’ve conducted in my mind quickly fades in hues of blue and red and I turn my attention elsewhere.

To the right of Cordelia is her sidekick, Harmony Kendell. I doubt she would have killed Dawn - but at this point everyone is a suspect. Harmony doesn’t have enough thought to even consider it. Two months ago, when they would speak to me, she asked me if a light bulb was electrical. I will be dead shocked if she killed her. Harmony could go through that sort of thought process?

“Dawn - I need to talk to you…” Harmony yells down the hall in that shrill of a voice.

“Okay.” Dawn replies as she stops on the trip down the main hall.

*Just need to get her alone….* “So…..”

Wait - no. Scratch that. Harmony couldn’t have killed Dawn - or at least she wouldn’t have known to wipe fingerprints off the phone or wear gloves. It is impossible. Harmony is off the list. If I am making a huge mistake right here, so help me whoever. Dawn would have been killed by the slowest, most stupid girl in Sunnydale High - least Cordelia has an IQ higher than a rock. What would go down in the case file? Killed by incompetent moron? No - Harmony couldn’t of done it - she might know who did - or at least have some hint of gossip - which is all she ever knows. But no - she is off the list.

There are a lot of other elites in this class. Too many to name. Angel sits two rows up next to his new found buddy Spike (surprised?) and his girlfriend Drusilla. The problem with high school is that no matter where you go, there is your ex. And having to share a class with him is almost unbearable. Everyday, you know you will at least see him once. And for a whole period, you are stuck in the same room. The thought of Angel killing Dawn wasn’t completely out of my mind - I couldn’t come up with a clear motive but he is known to become easily violent. Maybe Dawn found something out about him? One of his buddies? Was he cheating on me and Dawn found out?

“I know what you’ve been doing Thursday afternoons - and it isn’t swim practise.” Dawn said to Angel in a sing-song voice.

“Do you now? And what would that be?”

“Ya - it starts with a ‘D’ and ends with a ‘rusilla’.” Dawn laughed at the shocked face Angel had plastered on.

“What??” Angel hissed at her.

“You thought you had it well hidden? Dude - all anyone had to do was check the pool - or hell even the message board. There are no swim practises on Thursdays. You should have come up with a better lie. Wait till Buffy hears this.”

“No - you won’t tell her.”

“And why won’t I?”

“Cause I will?” Angel says in an almost question like manner.

“Whoa - didn’t see that one coming - I foresaw threats, bribery, ect. But you coming clean - never thought that would happen.”

“Yes - I’ll tell her right now - you want a ride home?”

“Sure.”

The both get into Angel’s Viper and speed off into the direction of the Summers house. The car ride is pretty unimportant - Dawn probably still pestering Angel, ect.

“Here we are.” Angel stated as they pulled into the drive way.

“Yeah - thanks for the ride. Buffy should be home soon, if she’s not already.”

“Okay - I’ll come in and wait.”

Both walk into the house. Dawn quickly flees upstairs while Angel waits quietly in the hall. He then slowly begins to walk his way up the stairs and into Dawn’s room. He doesn’t knock.

“ANGEL! You could have just knocked or said something - that is totally creepy. I could have hit you in self defence or something. What do you want?”

“I’m thinking now that it’s not such a good idea to tell Buffy.”

“URG - it totally is - better from you than me right?”

“Better from no one. I’m not going to tell her and neither are you.”

“Right….” Dawn says as she turns around and starts walking to her bed.

“No - she will never know.” Angel whispers as he picks up the phone, with his coat covering his hand, and raises it above his head.

“She will find out Ang-” Dawn began to say as she turned around, only to be hit with the phone on the side of her head. She quickly fell to the ground.

“She will never know.” Angel repeats over and over again as he stares at Dawn laying lifeless on the ground. He tosses the phone onto the ground and quickly flees. Hoping to make it back to his house and that no one saw him. He would get away with it. No one can touch him. And no one will expect it.

And again, the vision I created fades away. He couldn’t have done it - could he? Angel - my first love? Could he have killed my sister? I don’t know what to think any more…

The bell rings, signalling the end of the period. I quickly pack up and head to my next class, which also go in such a blur. I speak to no one - unless its to answer back to an insult with a quip or to a teacher. The day is finally over - God I can’t wait to leave this school, this town. Leave this all behind.

Time for work. Time to deal with Spike.

The annoying bell, above the door, rang once I entered the shop. Then I was met with the annoying Spike. Great. Today is the day he wants to pay attention to me. Couldn’t he have picked a day where I wasn’t in “Who Is the Murderer?” mode?

“Buffy - actually on time today? Alert the bloody press.” Spike mumbled as he walked by.

“Spike - decided to grace us with your presence today?” I said as I walked past him to behind the counter.

“Yes, thought you might need some help.”

“Right - you’re here because you are considerate and thoughtful.”

“Well…yeah.”

“Who did you piss off today Spike?”

“Besides you apparently?”

“You piss me off every day - today I’m just more vocal about it. So you’re here because of what? Dru dump you again?”

“Oi - you know rat’s ass about anything about Dru.”

“Okay - looks like I’m not going to find out - which upsets me really - cause you know I truly care.”

“You play this bad ass role all day - then you’re shocked when people are mean to you.”

“Shocked? Nope not really. That would give some sort of meaning that I actually care. And I don‘t think you should be the one lecturing on the pretending to be ‘bad ass’ role.” I said as I looked at his outfit in disgust. Black. Black. Black. All it was. Black jeans. Black shirt. Black shoes. And a black leather duster to top it all off. The only splash of colour is his peroxide hair. That and his blue eyes - no I did not just mention his eyes.

“Oh you care - you know you’d have friends if you were actually civil to people.”

“Thanks for the tip.” I say as I give him thumbs up.

“Just think about it alright?”

“Oh I’ve thought about it - then I quickly labelled it insanity. People have to be civil to me first.”

“But they won’t if you keep acting this way.”

“Ok - I get it - you’re new. You don’t understand the rules here in Sunnydale.”

“Right - I think I know how to act in society.”

“Not this one.” I say as I turn and walk down to the basement. I sigh as I hear the heavy footsteps, only his boots can make, follow me down the stairs. “What do you want?”

“Fine - tell me the rules. Obviously this will be educational and very helpful.”

“Fine. Rule one: Be rich. Rule two: Don’t talk to Buffy Summers. There you are set - go pave your way through life. That’s all you need to know.”

“Right. Technically I’m breaking both rules right now?”

“Yes. You can’t be an elite. Not by the rules - but since Angel has apparently adopted you - you’re in. If you want to keep it that way - go away.” And I busied myself with organizing a shelf just hoping I would hear those same footsteps going up the stairs. I could feel his stare on me - hear his breath - and finally he turned swiftly around and stomped his way up the stairs. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

*Way to go Buffy - put off the first person to actually speak to you. Great plan. Oh well - he would have figured it out soon enough. Giles and he have only been here for 2 weeks. Again why was he being nice to me today?*

I stayed down there as long as I could - didn’t really know why I was avoiding him…he’s no different then the others. Maybe now he would get it and ignore me…like the others. He just needed someone to tell him how it is. Why hadn’t Angel told him? Or Dru?

Dru…she is a strange one. You can see why men find her attractive - I mean you just have to look at her. But she holds this air about her - mystery, power, and darkness. She could have killed Dawn. As for motive - anything could have set her off. She is insane after all. I’m shocked the school allows her around others. She needs to get help. I hate to admit it - but she’s been better since Spike arrived. Who would have thought those two would hit it off? Okay - it was a high possibility - but who would have thought he would have stayed this long. With her episodes, drug addictions, her lack of commitment and of course sanity? Any one would go as mad as her having to deal with that everyday. Sure, Dru is insane - but murder? Insane enough to kill?

“The morning light shall come with Miss Edith and I and we shall have a party.” Dru said as Dawn approached her.

“Dru - how do you even know where I live?”

“The stars told me.” She says as she giggles and raises her arm above her head, pointing to the sky.

“Right….common lets get you inside and I’ll call Angel or someone,” said Dawn as she pulled on Dru’s arm.

Once inside Dru runs frantically upstairs and Dawn quickly follows, “Okay Dru - I get it - but fun time is over - let’s just call Angel and get him over here - or Buffy.” she finds her in her room, just standing in the middle of the room - staring at the wall - swaying slightly.

“Sunshine will be here soon enough and yet it will be too late.” Dru says as she continues to sway.

“Okay - what ever Dru - I’m calling Angel. He’ll know where to take you…” Dawn said as she started to turn to leave the room.

“You don’t belong here you know. No - not in this world. Miss Edith has told me your tale. And this one isn’t it,” Dru said as the pointed to Dawn’s back, who had stopped in her walk out the door, “All your dollies are in the wrong order - you don’t know what to do. They don’t know what to do. You haven’t named them - how are they to know?” Dru begins to wail on the ground and Dawn approaches her.

“Dru - it’s okay - how about you name the dollies?” Dawn said as she turned around and started walking to her bed.

“But I will name them all the same name - and there will be terrible confusion. You’ve been a naughty girl, fake morning light, and you need to leave this tale. It’s time for you to go.” Dru whispered as she grabbed the phone off the desk and raised it above her head.

“What?” Dawn questioned as she turned around, only to be hit with the phone on the side of her head. She quickly fell to the ground.

“It’s time for you to go - and now you’ve gone. The tale is right again.” Dru chattered as she wiped the phone on her dress. She then set the phone gently down on the ground beside Dawn’s lifeless body. “It was just your time - you didn’t belong anyway.”

Dru walked silently and quietly out of the house. Giggling her way down the street, rambling about the stars and light knights on the way to darkness and the sun.

The bell shook me from the vision - that damn bell. I’m going to rip it down one day. Rip it right off, throw it on the ground, and stomp on it. No - I’m not violent. Just annoyed. Wait - the bell rang - that means a customer. Crap - get upstairs now - Spike’s probably left anyway. I hope at least.

I quickly run up the stairs, hoping that the customer wouldn’t be to upset to be left waiting. I can’t let Giles down - he’s given me a lot of trust and faith. Something I’ve been in short supply of lately. I open the door leading to the shop, smile plastered on my face, ready to help the next vengeful lover.

“Hi and welcome to the Magic Box, you‘re one stop spot to shop for all your occult needs.” I smile, proud of myself that I didn’t mess the slogan up this time. I look at the customer, I don’t recognize him. Wow - the first person I don’t know in this town. “Can I help you?”

“Um…ya. Are you Buffy Summers?”

I lookdown at my nametag that clearly reads ‘Buffy’ but go with it, “Depends on who’s asking…salesman?”

“Uh..no.”

“Pledge of some fraternity?”

“Still in high school.”

“McDonald?”

“Um, no thanks? I just ate.”

“No - is your last name McDonald - or are you in any way, shape, or form connected to the McDonald family?”

“Not that I know of - why is there some sort of inheritance if there is?”

“Probably but someone has yet to knock off the guy…”

“Ok…let’s do this again...My name is Xander…Harris. I’m new.”

“I figured.”

“Okay…I’m supposed to speak with Buffy because I’m new. I mean the teachers told me that she was the one to talk to for 3rd period film studies?”

“Oh...in that case - hi, I’m Buffy Summers.”

“That’s good - that’s really good.”

“That’s a reaction I haven’t heard…ever.”

“Oh, that’s interesting…”

“So what about film studies?”

“Oh…OH…I’m supposed to get the notes off of you - and you are like supposed to help me, if you can of course, because it’s halfway through the year - and I have no idea what film studies is about. We do watch movies right?”

“Kinda the point of the class.”
“Oh good - I’m good at that. Watching movies that is.”

“Well I don’t have the notes here right now…but you can stop by here tomorrow if you can.”

“Can’t you just give me the notes tomorrow during class?”

“I’ll let you decide that after 2 periods in good old Sunnydale High. But yeah - I can do that. If you don’t want to just come by tomorrow - I’ll be here. Same shift all week.”

“Ok...I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

“Yes.” I say as I watch him leave the store.

*And hear about me too Xander Harris.*

I close up shop and head home. Before I was a social outcast, I would have walked home or gotten a ride from one of my friends. But this is now. Now means I have to drive myself wherever I go. My car isn’t the normal transportation for Sunnydale. It’s cheap alright? But it was the car my dad sent me as a little ‘sorry for the divorce’ present - and I can’t afford anything else.

Ah my dad, so much to say about him. My parent’s marriage was rocky at best even before Dawn died. They were always fighting, in private of course. On the outside they looked like the perfect couple with their perfect family. When Dawn died it only went down hill. They say divorce rates are higher when a couple looses a child. They weren’t wrong. Dad moved out a week after I found her body. They were officially divorced two weeks later.

I used to see my dad every other weekend. The traditional child with divorced parent’s life. One weekend he told me he wasn’t getting anything out of our weekends together and that he wanted to stop. He dropped me off at the house at noon on Sunday. I barely remember anything that happened after that but I do remember seeing his car drive away and feeling such abandonment. I never saw him again.

He used to send letters but they eventually stopped. The only thing coming from him eventually was the child support. That eventually stopped too. Last I heard he was in Spain with his secretary. He was starting a new life without me.

Mom took the divorce fairly well. She was the one who had asked for it. She said she couldn’t put up with all his lying and cheating. That his daughter just died and all he wanted to do was go meet up with his mistress. She had enough.

My mom is the strongest person I know. She has gone through loosing a child, her job, her husband, and her reputation. Yet she is still standing strong. She’s my rock. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have made it through this time.

I finally reach my destination. Home. It’s not much - at least by Sunnydale standards. A little house on Revello Drive as I mentioned before. It’s nothing compared to where we used to live but it’s my home now. Our home.

The noise of me closing the car door echoes through the street. I lock up and walk towards the door. I’m not sure why but I turned around as I stood on the front step. I wasn’t looking for or at anything particular - just out onto the street. I let the cool night breeze wash over me and I breathed in heavily. This is the best time of the entire 24-hour span that we call a day. It’s dark outside but one can’t really call it night - at least I can’t. This is the time where I can think clearly and at the same time have no thoughts at all. This was Dawn’s time. Contrary to her name, she lived for the night. She said it opened up a world of truth. Night was a time where people could truly be themselves - they wouldn’t have to hide behind the lies. Lies that exist in the harsh light of day. This is Dawn’s time. The time where I let myself fully remember her. I stand there for a while longer, tears pricking my eyes. I can almost hear her laugh through the silent air and it deafens me. I sigh, breath in heavily once more, wipe my eyes, and turn towards the door. I lay my hand on the handle and push down to open it. The soft voice of my mother greets me, and I respond numbly. I slowly turn to shut the door behind me - taking one more look out into dark. Wishing I had died instead of her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day arrives. This means a different outfit, different homework, but same school, and same incompetent morons. As I suspected, Xander did not approach me in Film Studies. Well, he didn’t show up.

Roll call was done - everyone saying ‘Here’ at the appropriate time. It was thrilling. The class started and continued on without any disruption. That is until I was called down to the office. The “uh oh ’s” and the laughter followed my exit. I began the walk towards the office - wondering what I had been accused of this time. Student here love to blame all their problems on me. If you do something wrong blame Buffy Summers. It’s a way of life.

I finally reach my destination. The bold white letters that spell out “Sunnydale High Main Office” greet me. I push open the door and walk up to the main desk. The secretary briefly looks up at me.

“Hi - I was called down?” I say in the way people ask questions.

“Name?” She asks.

Wow - another person who doesn’t know me.

“Buffy - Buffy Summers.”

She again looks up at me - this time a bit longer. She scans me almost as if she is sizing me up. What? She never knew what the Buffy Summers looked like? Wonder if she is disappointed. Maybe she was expecting a punk rocker or someone who clearly resembles all that is evil in the world. But no - I don’t think that’s quite me. I just stand there as she takes in my blond hair I put messily into a ponytail, my stripped pink shirt covered by a light green jacket, my brown messenger bag, and blue jeans. I look like any other student here. But I’m not. I’m Buffy Summers.

She finally speaks, “Ah - yes. Miss Summers. There’s a message for you.”

“A message?”

“Yes. From the hospital…about a…..Alexander Harris.”

“Oh?” My heart raced when I heard the word ‘hospital’ - not a fan. I silently calm down. Why is Xander contacting me?

“He’s been injured - and the doctor said he listed you as a contact. They want you to come down to the hospital.”

“Oh…ok. Am I allowed to leave now?”

“Yes - you are excused from school - as permission has been given by your mother who was already contacted.”

“Um...ok then. Thanks.”

“Mhmmm” she mumbled back - obviously she didn’t want to be seen conversing with Buffy Summers for a long period of time. Glad to see the rumours have found their way all through the school.

I walk out of the school silently. Wondering what had happened to Xander and what rumour would start because of this.

After a boring and uneventful car ride, spent mostly of me wondering the same question. Why did Xander contact me? I arrived at the hospital. The feeling of dread came over me as I approached the front doors. I hate hospitals. I fear them. I only have bad memories here…

I broke my arm when Timmy, my old neighbour, pushed me off the slide at my 5th birthday. My cousin died in front of my eyes here. My grandmother died of phenomena. And finally…Dawn’s autopsy was done here.

Only bad memories.

I take a deep breath and silently laugh at my self. The Buffy Summers is afraid of a hospital. A boring building filled with boring people. Can’t let that get out. Like it would ruin my reputation right? I’m tough. Can’t show weakness. You have to be rich or a criminal to survive here in Sunnydale. Most likely both. For me, you have to be tough. Tough so they won’t break you. And they never will.

I realised I have just stopped right before the entrance. People are looking at me funny, but really when are they not? I take my first step towards the door. Towards getting answers about Xander.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I find the room Xander is in from the receptionist. Room 314. I have to walk past the room where I waited for the news of Dawn’s autopsy. Some must find it weird I waited for the results. But I couldn’t leave her. Couldn’t leave her totally alone. I was in the same building she was…and for a while, I could imagine she was alive. That she would just walk around the corner, calling me lame or something like that.

I try not to look at waiting room as I pass it. But I can’t help it. I can practically see my ghost, sitting on the ugly couch, my sleeves balled into my fists, staring at the ground. Silently begging myself to stop crying. I am alone. It was just me in the waiting room...no family…no friends. Mom had locked herself in her room and wouldn’t stop crying and screaming. Dad was off somewhere with his mistress. And me - I was sitting in a hospital waiting room…

I suddenly come back to reality, and it hits me brutally. I forgot shortly why I was in the hospital. For a moment, I experienced Dawn’s death all over again. The exact feeling I felt in that room. Hollow.

I shake off the feeling, and continue my walk to Xander’s room. I finally find it, and thank who ever is listening, as this will give me something else to think about.

I lightly knock on the door. I can’t hear anything. When no one answers, I enter silently. I quickly notice a form on the lonely bed. Their back is to me.

“Xander?”

The person mumbles something to me and I get closer. “Hey - it’s me - Buffy…”

I was now right beside the bed. I figured it was Xander as I noticed his bag that he had yesterday on the table. I said his name again, then gently tapped him on the shoulder.

He rolled over and I gasped. His face was badly beaten. His right eye was swollen shut, his lip split, and his nose obviously broken. “My God…what happened?”

His only working eye looked towards the ceiling, “Oh nothing…”

“Right nothing. I bet you just tripped and landed on someone’s fist - multiple times. Or I should have seen the other guy right?”

“Ok - I got jumped…”

“By?”

“Sorry...but I didn’t really get a chance to introduce myself and read their name tags,” he said as he turned towards me.

“Of course…when did this happen?”

“This morning. Right before school.”

“Where?” I question.

“Behind the gym…I got kinda lost.”

“Big school…” I say as my words slightly die off.

“A janitor found me. I was brought here…had to give a statement and everything. That was pretty cool…”

“So I’m assuming you met the Sheriff?”

“That pleasant little troll man who said I did it myself?”

“That’s Snyder for you. Just spreading sunshine where ever he goes.”

“People actually voted for him?”

“Well he kind of won by default…when the other candidate dies…”

“Dies?”

“Oh yeah - this like killer wolf attack. It was huge - made front page. Too bad though…Flutie would have so beaten him…” I realise I’ve gone way off track and quickly end my sentence.

“Oh…that’s not good…”

“No…any way. Why am I here?” That’s me. Straight to the point girl.

“Because you care about my well being?”

“Well I wouldn’t even know if you hadn’t contacted me.”

“I didn’t have any references down. And they wouldn’t leave me alone till I gave them one.”

“So why not your parents?”

“Only my dad…and I doubt he would care even if he was sober enough to answer the phone.”

“Oh…I know the feeling - just the lack of booze.” I say as my eyes look towards the ground.

“It sucks…”

“That it does.”

“Anyway, do you know why you were jumped?”

“Not really sure…they said something about ‘Stop hanging with Stuffy’ and -”

I cut him off, “Stuffy?”

“Yeah - mean anything to you.”

“Just a bit… it was Riley Finn - a vindictive bastard that goes to our school. He has called me ‘Stuffy Buffy’ for a while now…” Since Dawn’s death…

“He also said to stop ‘Hitting on his girl’…”

“You were hitting on Amy?”

“Who is Amy?”

“Riley’s girlfriend.”

“I don’t’ think so - I mean I asked a girl for directions to English…”

“That was probably her - Riley’s a bit accusatory…”

“My face can tell…” he joked as he softly touched a bruise on his cheek.

“Well congratulations, you managed to tick off the Jocks and the Sheriff’s Department in your short time here.”

“I’m assuming this is bad.”

“Very. But don’t worry they will pay.” I say as a smile comes to my lips. I’m going to enjoy ripping Riley down a few pegs…

I hate Riley Finn. He is a jock, and one of the rulers of Hate Buffy Land. To top it all off, he’s an inbred moron. In addition, he knows much more than he lets on. He knows about the lying and the cheating here in Sunnydale. He probably knows who killed Dawn. He might have done it.

The day arrives once more, and I approach the school. I walk directly to the bleachers near the field. I know I will find Riley here. He can always be found either on the field or under the bleachers doing drugs or some girl. He is an overbearing bulk of a loser. He even has the southern accent to go with it. Homebred Iowa boy. I hate him.

I stand right next to the bleachers and I look for him. Looks like today is not my day and I am going to have to wait for a bit. He is playing football. I take a spot on the bleachers, fifth row to the left. Some people on the bleachers look at me strangely, some of the players too. Buffy Summers does not do school sports. Not anymore.

I sit there, watching Riley. Finally, from the hints of his team-mates, Riley looks over. I can see he’s slightly shocked, but quickly he covers it up. He yells something to the team and starts to walk over. Didn’t have to wait that long.

“If it isn’t Stuffy Buffy - are ya lost?” he yells over.

I stand up, walk down the stairs, and take my initial position beside the bleachers, “Yeah, as a matter of fact. I was looking for Chemistry - I think I’m in the wrong place but if you wouldn’t mind giving me directions…”

“Oh I’ll show you where to go…” he gets closer. The closer that invades my personal space. He continues, “I’ll just have to talk to my buddies to see who gets to go first.”

I pull something from my bag and hold it between us, it crackles and he looks down. His eyes widen when he sees the charged taser. I smile as he backs up.

“I’ll tell you what - we’ll stop right here.” I say as I hold the taser tightly.

“Aw - baby - it’s a bit too late for that now…” He leers at me.
“Okay - here’s the deal. Leave the new kid alone and I’ll make sure you can still play football with your pals after this little chat.”

“You seem to care for that weak nerd a lot. Things I hear about you, he must really lay the pipe right huh?” He scans me up and down, not the way the secretary did, the way that makes me want to scrub myself clean with bleach.

“Yeah - that’s it.” I smirk.

Riley steps forward again, I raise the taser, making the lightening bar crackle, “Fine - we’ll leave him alone for now. But remember, you ever get lonely being a frigid bitch - Riley love you long time.”

He blows me a few kisses, which I internally cringe at while I give him the thumbs up.

Quite a reputation I’ve got huh? Want to know how I lost my virginity? So do I.

I went to a party at Cordelia Chase’s just to show everyone their whispers and backstabbing didn’t affect me.

I opened the door; everything practically went silent once I entered. Looks of disgust and hatred were thrown at me from all angles. I noticed people I knew, continuing their lives without me.

It was a mistake.

I walked by Angel, who had some random girl all over him. He saw me and I carried a look of disgust on my face as the girl licked his neck. I kept walking. I walked through the large crowd at the bar and a drink randomly appeared in my hand.

I don’t know who handed me the drink. Oh I sooo wish I did. It turns out it was your basic rum, coke, and roofie.

I looked at the cup, and then glanced around the room. Angel was continuing to be groped by the girl, Dru was doing shots at the bar, Harmony was dancing, Conner laughing hard at someone’s joke. I hated it all. I threw caution to the wind - I could be fun and happy too. I brought the cup to my mouth and drank.

I remember nothing after that. I just remember how I woke up.

The sun reached my eyes through the curtains waked me. Confusion covered my face as I took in my surroundings. I was on a bed, partially covered by the bedding. I was still wearing my dress, but it was bunched up around my waist. I notice my underwear on the floor. I cried silently, and then stood, wiping my tears.

I walked home barefoot, the morning light casting a shadow behind me.

I never told my mom. I’m not sure what she would have done, but no good would have come of it. And what does it matter…

I’m no longer that girl.



I am brought back to reality by the school bell. I notice Riley had fully left and was once again on the field. I turn and walk towards the school.

As I trek across campus, my mind wanders. Riley could have killed Dawn.

The knock at the door forced Dawn to leave the comfort of the couch. “I’m coming, hold on!” she yells as the approaches the door.

The knocking continues.

She opens the door and is confused when she sees Riley’s bulky form. “What are you doing here?”

“Aw come on Dawn, we both know why.”

“No - I really don’t - please fill me in.”

“You. Want. Me.”

“Ya. Gone. I want you gone.”

“No - you want to get to know me in the Biblical sense…”

“Really really don’t. Where did you get this insane idea?”

“I’ve seen the way you look at me - that gleam in your eye.”

“That ‘look’ is called repulsion. Get a dictionary look it up,” she said as she turned to close the door.

Riley noticed this and used his foot as a wedge, “No Dawn - what we have is real.”

“Move your foot! What we have is nothing - there is no ‘we’.”

“I’m not leaving till you admit you want me.”

“And what good would that do - I don’t - I will not - EVER! Now please go away. If you leave now I won’t tell anyone of this embarrassing display…”

“No! We belong together!” Riley yelled as he pushed his way into the house.

“Did you hit your head and now think you’re in a soap opera?” Dawn reached behind her and into her back pocket, pulling out her cell phone, “I’m going to call the cops unless you leave RIGHT now!”

Riley grabbed the phone from her hands, throwing it onto the table. He laughed when she backed away.

“Come on Dawn…” He started to walk towards her.

Dawn quickly turned and ran up the stairs but Riley grabbed her foot. She fell to the ground. Using the wall as support, she pulled herself towards her room.

“Let go of me you freak!” Dawn screamed as she used her free leg to kick him. She finally managed to free herself and scrambled to her room.

She almost had the door shut when Riley came crashing in.

“I’m going to scream and everyone is going to hear it - the police will be here any second.”

“You’re not going to scream.”

“Yes I am.” She said as she eyed the phone behind Riley.

Dawn opened her mouth and shut her eyes, about to scream louder than she had before.

Riley noticed this and thought quickly of ways to shut her up. He began to back up but he knocked into a table. He looked at the table briefly, grabbed the phone and swung at Dawn.

She fell to the ground.

“You’re not going to scream.” Riley mumbled as he wiped the phone and any other places he could have left evidence.

He ghosted his hand over Dawn’s hair - careful not to touch her.

“You want me,” he said as he stood up and left.

The terrifying scene in my head floats away. Could Riley have done it? The only thing holding me back to decide it was Riley? Dawn’s autopsy confirmed…she was a virgin when she died. Riley would not have left Dawn like that. He would not have left her ‘pure’.

He would have raped Dawn.

Another uneventful day at school had finished. Time to go to work. It’s not that I don’t like it - extra money helps with the bills. However, Spike has been hanging around lately. I’m not sure why. Hanging around me will tarnish his reputation.

I enter the shop, the annoying bell making my presence known. Giles is standing behind the counter, writing something.

“Hey Giles.” I greet warmly

“Oh, hello Buffy. How are you today?” I smiles sincerely at me. Giles is like a breath of fresh air in this town.

“I’m just dandy. And you?”

“Exhausted. Too many customers at one time…”
“Darn those customers - always coming in wanting to buy stuff. What do they think this is? A store?” I joke as I approach him.

“Yes…I know. They can be a bit overwhelming.”

“That they can - but I am here to take them off your hands. You should go have tea and read or something you British do.”

“I think I will head home for tonight. Just remember to turn off all the lights.”

“Yup, I will.”

“Have a goodnight then.” He said as he approached me did something unexpected. He hugged me.

“Wow - you have a goodnight too.”

“Sorry, just felt like it - you’ve been such a help lately,” he said as he cleaned his glasses and back away.

“Well you are paying me.”

“Yes, but you are always here working. I feel you should be out with your friends, doing whatever you youngsters do today.”

“Nope, I have nothing to do. I like working here. Speaking of ‘youngsters’ is your son going to be here?”

“Oh he is in the back - seems as though he does not wish to go out either. Strange.”

“Ok - I will see you tomorrow. Go read or something. I’ll tell him you’ve left.”

“Thank-you Buffy. Beware…I think he is in a bad mood today.”

I laugh as he walks out the door, the bell ringing.

When is he not in a bad mood?

I turn as I hear the back door open.

A topless Spike walks out, while he rubs his hair with a towel, “Rupe’s left huh?”

Don’t ask me why they felt necessary to put a gym in the back of the shop.

“Um..ya. He went home to read or something.” I turn back around and head to the counter.

“Ok. Heard about you and Finn.”

“There’s a me and Finn?” I look at him with confusion on my face.

“Ya - a lot of people saw you at the bleachers. Riley said you guys got a bit cozy.”

“All Riley got ‘cozy’ to was a tazer. When did you hear this?” I laugh silently as I recall the memory.

“In the locker room after gym.”

“Oh - am I usually the topic of discussion in there?” I look at him directly, slight humour in my voice

Spike at least had the decency to look ashamed, “Well…sort of.”

“No I get it. Riley has nothing else to talk about. Might as well start up a rumour about Buffy Summers. I can’t believe I let him walk away today - so should have hit him with the tazer. I’m still going to get him back though. I despise that inbred hick.” I rant.

“Why do you hate everyone so much?” he questions

“They hate me.” I answer in a tone that clearly says ‘duh’.

“I’m sure they don‘t…” his words die off as he realises what I said was true.

“They hate me. I hate them. It’s the way this town works.”

“And why is that exactly? You really need to get over the fact that Angel dumped you.”

“Is that really the reason you believe? Because Angel dumped me. True that happened…but it’s not the reason why the town is against me. Not even close.” I look at him, my anger rising. I laugh lightly, obviously showing that I think he is a moron.

“Well it could be the fact that you are a bitch. No wonder he dumped you.”

“This has nothing to do with Angel! How dare you pass judgement on me when you don’t even know the story! At least the town knows the facts. I knew there was a reason I hated you.”

“And why is that?”

“You believe anything anyone tells you! You probably think that I am a cold-hearted bitch that will sleep with anyone. That I’m still in love with Angel. That I stalk him. That I turned evil when he dumped me. The crazy ex-girlfriend. You believe every rumour. But you want to know the truth? That’s not me. And everyone knows it - Angel knows that’s not me. But you want to know why he acts like he does? Because he is afraid - afraid that he will have to look at the town for what it truly is - hell. This town is hell.”

“Hell? You made it that way for yourself. Maybe if you weren’t such a bitch there wouldn’t be rumours. This ‘hell’ is your doing. Brought it upon yourself you did.”

“Oh yes I brought it upon myself,” I laugh as I look towards the ceiling, “I’m at fault for my sister’s death.”

“What?”

“Oh? You didn’t hear that story of the Summers’? Yeah - my sister is dead. I came home to find her dead in her room - her head smashed in with a phone! My sister was murdered and the investigation is practically closed! Just because I’m not with the ‘in’ crowd anymore…” I try to hold back the tears but I fail miserably.

“I didn’t know…”

“No - I bet you didn’t…but the rest of the town does - and they hate me for it - I brought to attention the demons that live here. No one cares that I lost my sister! My sister is dead! Dead! And everyone thinks that some dirty rumours are going to hurt me. They won’t. I died when she did - I’m just a shell of what I was - a strong shell at that. I’m strong and I’m fighting. It’s hard and it’s painful, and it’s everyday!”

Spike looked shocked at my outburst. Who wouldn’t? I’ve completely lost it. I told myself I wouldn’t crack in front of anyone…broke my own promise. Way to go Buffy.

He opens his mouth, then closes it again. This action repeats for a while.

“Now you have no words? Wow - why didn’t I try this sooner? Breakdown should have been the first thing I tried…”

“I didn’t know…”

“No…you didn’t. But now you do.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, as he looks right at me.

I wipe my eyes in a foolish attempt to regain some sort of normalcy. I bring my hands down from my eyes, and I look at him. We just stand there, looking at each other.

Not knowing what comes next.

“…then Dawn came clomping down the stairs in mom’s heels and make-up. Her hair was in tangles all over her face and she was wearing her dance costume. She had actually put two costumes on. She became a faerie cowgirl. Then she declared she was ready to go to the park.” I laughed hard as I retold the story. Tears were streaming down my face out of laughter.

Spike was keeling over beside me, mirroring my laughter. We were sitting on the floor, against the counter, laughing ourselves to death. Don’t ask how we got into this position. This level of comfort-ness. It just happened somewhere down the road after my breakdown.

“She really did that?” He finally said after many deep breaths.

“Ya - she really did. We went to the park like that, the other kids stared and laughed but she didn’t care. She never did. Even when she was older, never cared what others thought.”

“Cool girl. Very unique.”

“Yeah…she is. I mean was. She was a cool girl.” my smile immediately fades at my slip up.

“Were you two close?” He questions and I can feel the conversation getting serious once again.

“Yeah…we were. I mean, we had our fights. Sisters’ right? But she was my best friend. When we were little we used to go to this camp. The groups were separated by age. But Dawn would cry and cry and make herself sick until she was allowed to come to my group. Yeah…we were close.”

“I always wished I had a sibling. Someone to play with you know? But my mum died when I was little…not that even if she hadn’t I would have a little one to play with. One child family they were.”

“Oh - it’s not all that you crack it up to be.”

“Yes. It is.”

“Yeah…”

“Well - let’s stop this depressed train - it’s no fun.” he sits up more, as if hoping it will raise the mood.

“Tell me something about you,” I mumble.

“Me? What about me?”

“I dunno - something no one else knows. I mean I had a breakdown in front of you - my secret is out.”

“The secret that you miss your sister?”

“Yup - now it’s your turn. What’s your secret Spike Giles?” I say as I gaze up at him.

“Usually there is alcohol involved when I do this.”

“Too bad - come on tell me.”

“I read poetry,” he mumbles as he looks at the ground.

“What?”

“Ya. I like to read poetry - I’m a ponce I know.”

“No. I just wasn’t expecting that. What type?”

“All types Mansfield, Browning, Shakespeare, Poe, Dickinson, and Frost. All types.”

“That’s pretty cool. I like poetry - some of it doesn’t make sense to me but I like how the words flow together. The meaning behind them.”

He looks at me with curious eyes and I can’t help but wonder the thoughts behind them.

“You’re alright Buffy Summers.” he says as if he is completely shocked by the idea.

“Why thank-you Spike Giles.”

“My real name is William.”

“I know.” I smile slightly as I say this and offer no explanation.

He looks at me again; his hard exterior completely gone. He doesn’t respond, only smiles at me. A genuine smile. Nothing too toothy or fake. Just utterly and completely William.

I smile back, “I should be heading home now. My mom is going to start to worry.”

He looks at his watch and nods “Didn’t realise how late it is.”

“School tomorrow,” I say as I stand and gather my things.

“Yeah - I’ll see you later then.”

“Night Spike,” I place my bag over my shoulder and begin to walk away. I’m stopped abruptly by a pull on my arm. The pull forces me to spin back. I land right into Spike’s arms with his lips on mine.

Some how I knew this was going to happen. Not in the way of having any idea of course. But something didn’t make me question his lips on mine. I probably couldn’t have thought anything at that moment. All that mattered was the kiss. And to not let it end. Once it ended, we would have to go back to reality and our normal lives.

All that mattered was this kiss. The kiss that had his lips masterfully and sweetly pulling on mine. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed him back. The intoxicating kiss had us breathing free for only a few seconds. The passionate taste had us scrambling to become closer to the other.

The kiss was all that mattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the kiss, okay there were many more kisses. But after those, we said our awkward goodbyes and went our separate ways.

It is now another school day. Everyday seems to be getting slower and slower. My mind is still in “Who’s the Murderer” mode and yet I’ve somehow managed to complete all of my assignments.

It is now fourth period English. The class with everyone I hate. I walk in and I feel something different. Normally when I enter the class, I am completely ignored or glared at. Today is different. I take my normal seat, back of the class, second row. I quickly scan around the room and I discover the abnormality. His eyes are on me. He is staring at me in slight confusion. Angel begins to talk with him, and he averts his eyes.

Alrighty Spike, we’ll just skip over the two minutes in heaven we had. You want to pretend it never happened? No argument here. My lips, for all intents and purposes, are sealed.
I put my attention towards the lesson, but I fail miserably. I already know what they are teaching. I do not need to focus that much. The plus size of being a social outcast? You don’t have to worry about being too smart. When I was with the elites it was frowned upon for girls to get really good grades. I actually made fake report cards when I showed it to my friends. Ah, the wonders of Photoshop.

I scan the room again, everyone is here except Dru. Wonder where she is? Maybe she had another episode and was forced to leave the premises? Or maybe she’s just out getting high…

I’m shocked to hear the bell ring. How did class go that fast? I don’t think time travel is invented yet…

I head off in the direction of my locker. I approach a large group of students, all very animated.

Damn my curiosity. I worm my way through to the front, I see a girl picking up her books from the ground while a guy points and laughs. She glares at him but only continues to gather her books.

I see that the guy, who I’ve now labelled ‘Jerk’, is approaching her again. I assume he’s going to be creative and knock her books again. I step into the circle created by the students.

The circle of students become quiet, I can hear small whispers of explanations to others that don’t know who I am.

I am Buffy Summers. ‘Jerk’ hasn’t noticed my addition to his little ring. He finally notices the silence and turns toward me. I just stand there, a smile on my face.

“What do you want?” jerk question rudely.

“Oh I was just walking to my locker and noticed your little presentation.”

The girl looks at me quizzically but does not say anything. My smile turns into a smirk as I continue to glare at ‘Jerk’.

“Leave now - I ain’t started nothing with you,” he continues to glare at me.

I approach him and he looks confused, “I only wanted to congratulate you!”

I hold out my hand and grab his. I shake our hands energetically, “Just wanted to shake your hand. Congratulations! You’ve been named the world’s biggest cockroach. This award is given in recognition of your unparalleled lack of decency and humanity. Bravo! You’re gonna die friendless and alone!”

I drop his hand, briefly look at the girl, and begin to push my way out of the circle. I stop when I hear “Jerk” speak.

“Well, everybody knows you’re the biggest -”

I whip around, and cut him off, “Shut up! If I want you to speak, I’ll wave a snausage over your nose. If you pull stupid stunts like this again to convince yourself you’re not a loser, I will ruin you life - got it?”
He gives no response and I speak again more adamantly, “You got it?”

“Okay, geez…it was just a prank…” Jerk says as he walks away.

I turn back around and the crowd parts as I walk through. I hear the students talking once again, and then many footsteps as they all walk away.

I keep the smirk on my face as I continue to my locker. A tap on my shoulder stops me. I sigh, hoping it’s not the principal. I turn around and shocked to see the girl. The girl who had been the object of ‘Jerk’s” prank.

I guess my confusion showed as she quickly tried to say something, “Oh I just wanted to say thanks. You didn’t have to do that. It wasn’t worth it.”

“Oh it was worth it alright. But you’re…um welcome.” I am at a loss for words.

“That was Larry Stevens…I can’t believe you just did that,” the girl says.

So “jerk” does have a name…

“I can’t believe that you didn’t! If you want people to leave you alone, or better yet, treat you with respect, demand it. Make them!” I say harshly at her.

“I’m not one for confrontation…”

“But humiliation - I guess that‘s your thing huh?” I say sarcastically as I turn back around and open my locker.

I slowly look back at the girl and see that she feels obviously embarrassed, “Okay…look I’m sorry but if you want to survive here you need to get tough. You need to get tough then get even. And don‘t worry ‘Larry’ won‘t be bothering you again…”

“Thanks for that…I’m Willow Rosenberg.” She says sweetly as she holds out her hand.

I hesitantly put my hand out for the shake, we shake and nothing happens. No prank or anything. Weird.

“I’m Buffy-”

Willow cuts me off, “I know who you are…I mean you were the most popular girl in school, you were dating Angel. Now people talk about you for different reasons….”

“That’s me. And yet you’re still talking to me?”

“I don’t believe rumours much - and you did just save me back there…”

“Only doing what everyone else that is not a complete jerk was afraid to do…”

“But you’re not afraid…”

“No - I’m not…”
“You want to get some food?”

“Sure…” I reply sceptical.

I close my locker and we walk towards the caf.

Someone actually nice to me? Did Xander and Willow just drop in from another planet?

After a lengthy chat with Willow, I excused myself, as I had to get to work. As I drove downtown to the shop, I tried to sort my thoughts. Did I want Spike to be there? If he were, would he ignore or insult me and pretend nothing happened? Or would he want to talk? I laughed aloud at this thought. Spike wanting to talk? That will happen when Harmony wins the Science Fair.

I finally reach the store and park my car. I notice Giles getting into his car. I wave at him and he repeats the action.

“Sorry Buffy, but I must run. A colleague of mine is arriving at the airport any minute now,” He says as he revs the engine.

“Ah that’s okay Giles - I’ll see you tomorrow then.” I smile and approach the front door.

I briefly wonder if there is a way to open the door without ringing the bell. Maybe I could squeeze through the opening before it hits the bell. I look at the small space…yeah right. Maybe if I had a few ribs removed and you know…didn’t have a chest…

I take a deep breath and open the door, stirring the bell from its position. I cringe. The door closes behind me and I turn to face it. Putting my hands on my hips, I evil glare the bell.

“You’re going to scare the customers if you stand there all night…,” a voice behind me says.

I jump from the unexpected noise, “Ah!” I turn around and set my glare on him, “You are not supposed to sneak up on people! It’s not nice!”

“You would have seen me coming had you not been having a stand off with the door. You would have lost by the way…” Spike answered.

“I was staring at the bell if you wanted to know…”

“Ah that makes it so much better,” Spike chuckles as he turns around and starts emptying a box on the table.

I notice there are a few other boxes next to him, “New shipment in?”

“Yeah…” he said as he continued unwrapping items.

I walked towards the table, taking the box farthest from him. This distance was not far, as the table is quite small.

“Where’s this stuff from?” I question

“Peru, I think.”

“Cool,” I mumble as I start unwrapping some strange statue.

“Mhmmm,” he mumbles back. I can tell he has stopped paying attention.

“So, boring English class today,” I say trying to start some sort of conversation.

He seems to stir from his thoughts. He looks up at me and says “Oh yeah.”

“Guess Dru was smart to skip - did she have a ‘vision’ or something?” I question actually wondering the whereabouts of her.

“I dunno - sure wish she told me if she did. I really wish I didn’t have to sit through that.”

“So where was she - scaring a lowly freshman?”

“I don’t know alright?!” I hissed at me, obviously angry.

“Sorry - just making conversation…” I explained wondering what has him on edge today.

“No, I’m sorry. Just feeling a bit weird today. Didn’t mean to snap.”

“Hey no problem. I’ve taken worse.” I say as I smile slightly at him.

A comfortable silence comes over the shop. The only noise being us unwrapping ‘magical’ items. I finish unpacking my box and move to grab another one. The box is too heavy for me to drag and I move towards it. Once I start unpacking it, I notice how close Spike and I are. He does not seem to notice or care.

“Dru and I broke up today…,” he mumbles.

I am shocked, “Really?”

“Yeah - she said we didn’t fit right. Something about too many puzzle pieces.”

“I’m sorry - not really sure I understand what she was saying but…”

“Ya me either, but I knew it was coming eventually. I mean…she’s not one for love. Didn’t really care for me as much as I did for her,” he confessed as he moved onto another box.

I just stood there, unsure of what to say. Spike loves Dru? I guess it is understandable, just never pictured him as to fall in love quite so quickly. Ah Buffy, you should know better than anyone not to judge to fast.

Spike does not seem to notice my internal confusion and he continues, “It’s okay though. It kinda let’s me off the hook you know?”

“There was a hook?” I question, as I look at him confused.

He chuckles as he looks at my confused face and responds, “Yeah…I don’t have to feel guilty anymore…”

“Feel guilty about what?” I inquire.

“This.” He says briefly as he looks at me.

We stare at each other for a brief moment. He surprises me when he reaches out his hand and touches my cheek. He steps closer towards me. I make no attempt to move away and he lowers his head and kisses me softly.

The kiss last for only a moment but it feels like forever. It is probably the sweetest kiss I’ve ever experienced. We break apart and he rests his forehead against mine.

I laugh lightly and look up at him, “What are we doing?” I question.

Spike smiles at me and whispers to me, “No idea.”

We kiss again, this one still as sweet as the first. We start laughing in the midst of it and break apart.

“We need to talk about this…” I whispered.

“I know…” He replies and leans down for another kiss.

This kiss mirrors the last one and we laugh again.

“Maybe we should just keep this to ourselves for a while and see what happens,” I say hoping I’m not assuming too much.

“Like meet in mop closets? Pass each other secret notes in the hallway? Steal glances during class?”

I smile at him and he returns it. He places his forehead back on mine. We both are unsure of what is happening but we don’t try to stop it.

“Let’s close up early - go get ice cream. Don’t worry I’ll drive on the back streets.” He continued.

I nod and he steps away. After grabbing his coat and turning off the lights, he takes my hand and lightly pulls me out the door. Both of us smiling like fools.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Ice cream was nice. A bit awkward. I mean why wouldn’t it be? I was getting ice cream and having the occasional make-out session with a guy I hate. Okay…maybe ‘hate’ is a strong word. But if you had told me I would be swapping ice cream kissed with Spike Giles a week ago - I would have had some snarky comment. But when do I not?

It is the last day of the school week now. Friday. Luck was not on my side today. I was late. Today, my alarm decided it wasn’t going to work. Personally, I think that who ever are up there, the powers that be, god, Buddha, anyone - I think they have decided to make my life as hard as possible without me loosing any limbs. But the day is still young.

I just scrapped by without a detention from my math teacher. It is now the afternoon and I have a spare. I usually use this time to finish homework or scout out possible murderers. Today is no different. I’m making my way toward the library when a voice calls out.

“Oh Buffy - can we talk to you for a second?” said Willow as she stood off to the side with another girl.

“Um…sure.” I walk over to the side of the hallway. The hall is empty; no one usually hangs around this time of day. Also, this is the freshman hallway. Freshmen are too scared of being late for class to stay here. Perfect spot to hide out. I discovered this my first week back after Dawn’s death. That week I hadn’t become as tough as I am today. I was weak and I hid. Hid from their laughter, and insults. I hid from the past.

“Hey Buffy - this is Tara…my um…friend,” Willow said as she gestured to the girl beside her.

“Hi, I’m Buffy - but you probably know that…” I say.

“Ya..I..d.ddd..oo.” Tara stutters in response.

“So what can I do for you?”

“Well, we kinda just wanted to tell you something,” Willow explained to me, obviously trying to save Tara from speaking too much.

“Oh? Do tell,” I say trying to not be too obvious that I want to know.

“Well see - there’s this thing going around school about you.”

“Me? A rumour going around school about Buffy Summers? No way!” I joke and they smile but don’t laugh.

“No. Not a rumour. A video,” Willow explains looking embarrassed.

“A video? If it’s my cheerleader try-outs - I’ve hung up my pompoms - I’m all cheered out. I will not join the squad again - I already told them no,” I joke again.

“No not that - something pretty bad. It shows you on a pool chair…some guys are giving you shots. You look pretty out of it…”

“What?” I am disgusted.

“It’s not as bad as it could be…but it is…pretty bad I mean.”

“Where is this video?” I am angered now. Angry and disgusted.

“It’s online now,” Willow says sheepishly.

“Great- I’ve become a downloadable joke,” I say as I wonder how more my life can suck, “Thanks for telling me, but I’m going to go throw up now.”

I practically run away from them. I hope they don’t think I’m too rude. But what would they do if they found out there was an online video of them the night they were raped. I have no doubt it was the same night. What other night do I not remember, yet I wake up with a hangover. But this video will show me who was there.

I run into the first computer lab I find. I sigh in relief as it is empty. It’s strange to Google yourself and find actual results. The video is the first link - not a newspaper article of Dawn’s death. Not some other Buffy Summers who is a painter with a website. A video of me drugged.

I quickly click the link - and wait for it to fully load. I silently praise who ever invented high speed.

I watch the video quickly - I can analyse everything later, in the sanctuary of my own home. For the first time I only want to watch who is giving me shots.

The camera work is sloppy - obviously not a film student. The camera zooms in on me, lying on a pool chair. It is that night. I am in the same outfit. I only wore the outfit once - I burned it after that. A sort of ’cleansing’ ritual. As I said before, I’m no longer that girl. That girl burned with the outfit.

As the video continues, it zooms out to show the rest of the party. There are people in the hot tub and the pool, but no one near me. Eventually a few people approach, shot glasses in their hands. They start pouring them down my throat. Guess they were afraid I was sobering up - how long does a roofie last?

I stop the camera when it shows faces. I sit back in my chair, a sense of satisfaction and of course disgust. Riley Finn’s face laughing into the camera as he pours a shot down my throat.







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







I stayed in the computer lab for a bit longer. Just staring at the video - at Riley’s face. I’m not shocked - Riley is just the type of scum to do this. But it doesn’t make it anymore sickening.

I surprise myself by going to my next and final class. I didn’t really pay attention. How could I? I just found a clue as to who could have raped me. I kept playing the video repeatedly in my head. I also tried to recount every memory I have of that night.

When it is nearing the end of the class, I approach the teacher. I say I volunteered to sort the recycling in the caf. And ask to leave early. The teacher agrees and I make my way out of the class and then the school quickly.

I swiftly walk to the parking lot and immediately start searching it. I finally find the car I was looking for. Riley’s. It’s a stupid car actually. It’s expensive of course; the whole front line of the lot is filled with the elite’s cars. These cars cost more than my house. Riley’s car is tiny in comparison to the others. Why would a person so big in body mass want the tiniest car?

The school bell rings. Students start pouring out of all exits. I lean against the hood of the car. I set my stare on Riley, as his bulky form exits the school. He smiles at me and quickly approaches.

“Decided to take me up on that offer then Summers?” Riley says as he steps closer to me.

What is it with this guy and personal space?

“Nope,” I push myself off the car and move away from him, “I just want a simple answer to a simple question.”

“And what would this question be?”

“Who gave you the rohypnol the night of Cordelia Chase’s party?”

Riley looks shocked. I just stare at him, making it obvious I’m not going to leave until I get an answer.

“I - I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Riley finally stutters out.

“I’m sure you do. If you don’t tell me - I will ruin your life. Apparently, you said something about me yesterday in the locker room. Please try to remember I used to be Amy’s close friend. And unless you want a rumour to get out about your um…abilities or lack thereof, you’re gonna tell me who gave you the roofies,” I continue to stare at him, almost hoping he won’t tell me. Just so I can destroy him.

“There weren’t any roofies. It was GHB,” Riley stammers out, “It was Conner. Conner McDonald. He gave it to me.

I do not say anything. I just walk away from him, towards my own car. I hear Riley call out from behind me,

“So we’re okay right? Summers?!?!”

I just keep walking. Conner had GHB? Dawn’s boyfriend had GHB? Dawn’s boyfriend was involved in raping me? I think I’m going to be sick.

I stayed in the computer lab for a bit longer. Just staring at the video - at Riley’s face. I’m not shocked - Riley is just the type of scum to do this. But it doesn’t make it anymore sickening.

I surprise myself by going to my next and final class. I didn’t really pay attention. How could I? I just found a clue as to who could have raped me. I kept playing the video repeatedly in my head. I also tried to recount every memory I have of that night.

When it is nearing the end of the class, I approach the teacher. I say I volunteered to sort the recycling in the caf. And ask to leave early. The teacher agrees and I make my way out of the class and then the school quickly. Lying - not so big on the scale of things today.

I swiftly walk to the parking lot and immediately start searching it. I finally find the car I was looking for. Riley’s. It is a stupid car actually. It’s expensive of course; the whole front line of the lot is filled with the elite’s cars. These cars cost more than my house. Riley’s car is tiny in comparison to the others. Why would a person so big in body mass want the tiniest car?

The school bell rings. Students start pouring out of all exits. I lean against the hood of the car. I set my stare on Riley, as his bulky form exits the school. He smiles at me and quickly approaches.

“Decided to take me up on that offer then Summers?” Riley says as he steps closer to me.

What is it with this guy and personal space?

“Nope,” I push myself off the car and move away from him, “I just want a simple answer to a simple question.”

“And what would this question be?”

“Who gave you the rohypnol the night of Cordelia Chase’s party?”

Riley looks shocked. I just stare at him, making it obvious I’m not going to leave until I get an answer.

“I - I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Riley finally stutters out.

“I’m sure you do. If you don’t tell me - I will ruin your life. Apparently, you said something about me yesterday in the locker room. Please try to remember I used to be Amy’s close friend. And unless you want a rumour to get out about your um…abilities or lack thereof, you’re gonna tell me who gave you the roofies,” I continue to stare at him, almost hoping he won’t tell me. Just so I can destroy him.

“There weren’t any roofies. It was GHB,” Riley stammers out, “It was Conner. Conner McDonald. He gave it to me.

I do not say anything. I just walk away from him, towards my own car. I hear Riley call out from behind me,

“So we’re okay right? Summers?!?!”

I just keep walking. Conner had GHB? Dawn's boyfriend was somehow involved in my rape.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I scan the parking lot quickly again. It is harder now as students are starting to leave. But I know I can’t miss Conner’s car. A bright green hummer? I couldn’t overlook that one even if I wanted to.

As I scan, I try to hold the bile rising in my throat down. The thing about being roofied and raped: you may not remember the who, where, when or why, but you know the what.

The ‘what’ disgusts me. Some one purposely drugged me - poured shots down my throat - then took me into the guest room and raped me. How anyone could think that is okay makes me sick. I will destroy whoever did this.

Conner - I have him pegged now for murder and rape. This boy is sure aiming high for how many years he is going to be someone’s ‘buddy’ in jail.

I finally spot the Hummer. Lucky for me it hasn’t left the parking lot. They seem to be preoccupied - cheerleaders all around. Cheerleaders with low self-esteem - how could they leave?

I approach the environment-wrecking car. Looks of confusion and disgust and thrown at me. Just smile and keep walking towards them. I barely flinch when I see Angel’s face. That’s how much I have had to practise. Can’t show that there is any sort of emotion left. I am a different girl now.

I walk directly in front of Conner. He looks shocked and confused but manages to cover it up, “Look Buffy - I told you already. No - I won’t give you Angel’s sweater so you can smell him every night before you go to sleep. Try some sleeping pills or something.”

“Damn - but that’s not what I’m here for.” I don’t let his comment make my position falter.

“Then what are you doing here? Cause you’re surely not welcome,” Conner says as he leans forward, laughing.

“I actually wanted to talk with you,” I point at him and smile slightly.

The crowd surrounding him makes a variety of noises. Most of them laughter and puking sounds.

“Well, I don’t want to talk to you - so scatter a long. Stalk from a far.”

“Well - I wanted to talk to you about Cordelia Chase’s party. But if you don’t have time - I’ll go and see what Riley has to say.”

This stops him. He looks at me quizzically - like he doesn’t believe that I know. I turn around and pretend to scout for Riley. I hear him behind me, “Fine - you’ve got 5 minutes,” he steps away from the car and attempts to quiet the cheerleaders, “I’ll be right back.”

He approaches me and we walk far enough away. I can see Angel looking at us from inside the car. I turn my attention back to Conner.

“So Conner - I heard you were the one with GHB.”

“That was like a while ago…I don’t have any now…” He puts his hand in hair and messes it up, a sure sign he’s hiding something.

“Damn - I was going to spike your juice box and have my way with you. Well where did you get it?” I ask impatiently.

“L.A. We got it in L.A.”

“There was a ‘We’?”

“Angel and me - we bought it in L.A. with some other guys,” Conner confessed.

“And putting it in random drinks at a party seemed like a good idea?”

“I didn’t do that - I mean some of the other guys gave it to their girlfriends to you know…loosen up. But not me.”

“So did you happen to see me at this ‘loosening up’ party?”

“Well ya - everyone did. You were kinda hard to miss.”

“Oh? Please remind me - cause you know…the details are kinda fuzzy.”

“Well you were pretty out of it - can’t hold your liquor can you Summers?”

“Obviously not - since people were holding it for me. Pouring it down my throat,” I accuse, looking directly at him.

“That was just some fun - I mean it was all Riley and Parker’s idea. You seemed up for it.”

“Riley and Parker? What else did they decide I was up for?” I question.

“I just poured a few shots - then Parker lifted you out of the chair and carried you away from the pool.”

“See where he took me?”

“Ya Riley followed him - he called to me to bring more tequila. So I did - I just thought they were moving you inside. They put you in the guest house though.”

“So - Riley Finn, Parker Abrams, and you put me in the guest house.”

“I just brought the tequila - your issues are with Riley and Parker, not me. They were horrible to you,” Conner quickly put in, as if I would be less mad.

“Well, I’m just sorry you had to witness it. That must have been awful for you,” I ground out as I quickly turn around, walking away.

I stop abruptly and turn back around. Conner looks at me confused. I approach him once again, “You said some other guys bought GHB with you and Angel? Who are they?” I question.

“You probably can figure it out.”

“Well I’m feeling a bit disgusted right now - so why don’t you help me out.”

“Fine - but you could have asked nicely - it was me, Angel, Scott Rayne, and Spike Giles,” he said in exasperated tone.

I was shocked but quickly voiced my question, “Spike Giles? He didn’t even live here then.”

“Correction: He lived here he just didn’t go to school here yet. We met him at the gym - invited him along. He was pretty stoked about it too,” Conner informed.

I turned and walked away. An absent-minded expression across my face. I didn’t stop and ask another question. I had thousands of questions running through my head though. Spike had GHB? I was drugged with GHB and then raped. He immediately started hating me and now has just started to like me. Did Spike rape me?

All these questions run through my head as a drive away from the school. I quickly pull over to the side of the road. This last question gets me. I open my door and proceed to throw up. I had a make out session with my possible rapist. I throw up again.

I’m not going to work today.

I stared at the phone in my lap. I was debating whether I should call Giles or not. I would only say I was not coming to work - I wouldn’t mention how his son could be a rapist. Imagine how that conversation would go.

But what if I called and Spike picked up? What would happen then? I don’t think I could vocalize any words let alone sentences to him. Dear Seventeen Magazine, how do I know if the boy in my English class likes me? No scratch that - how do I know if the boy in my English class raped me?

I think I’m going to be sick again. If I run to the bathroom one more time, my mother is going to think I’m either pregnant or bulimic.

Now is the time that I wish I had a place that I could drive to and just start rambling off my problems. But I don’t. I think I would scare Xander to death if I just start ranting about this. Bars? I doubt I could get in - and confessing to a burly biker bartender - not my cup of tea. I’m not even religious - so church is out of the question. My mom? I don’t know what she would do with this information - but it would break her heart.

For a brief second I considered going to Spike. But that wouldn’t be too smart would it?

I reach over to my bag that I had thrown beside me. I pull my laptop out. I place it in front of me. As it loads, I lift the phone out of my lap and put it beside the computer. I slightly shift the objects in front of me - OCD like. Anything to get my mind off things.

The computer sings its happy song as it fully loads. I access the internet - upload the video - and I watch it again. I don’t know what I was looking for. Okay, that is a lie. I was looking for a flash of peroxide. Anything that would signify that Spike was at the party.

I see nothing. I start again. I watch it repeatedly. I stop. I watch it again to make sure I was right. I hadn’t seen anything - but I had heard it. Someone yelling “Spike - over here!”

Now, sure, there could be a volleyball game going on - or I could have lost my mind. But I hear it. Now if only I could adjust the volume just right. But I don’t have the computer skills for that. Sure, I can bug places, use Photoshop, but technical adjustment of audio? I never caught on.

I know of a few computer geniuses at school. But as a rule, people that hate you aren’t that helpful.

I quickly open another internet window. Is it strange that I have a crime background check site on favourites? I came across it accidentally. But you need a private eye username and password to use it. As I am not ‘officially’ one - I just happened to find myself in local P.I. office in town. After some undercover work, I managed to get my hands on the info I needed.

And the directors of the school play said I needed acting lessons? Ha!

I quickly type in my quarry. Her entire profile pops up but I only need three things - 1. The record that she is the best computer wiz in town. 2. Her phone number. And 3. Her address.

I know it would have been simpler to use the phonebook - but the Sunnydale phone book is such a joke. Everyone is unlisted unless you cannot afford it. My mom and I had to.

I quickly pack up my stuff and reapply my eye makeup. I’m off to see a wizard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I approach the house - it looks cozy. I am hesitant to step closer. I mean what if it was all an act? I barely know her. I take a deep breath and step forward. I ring the doorbell and wait. No going back now.

A tall woman answers. She looks at me quizzically. She probably recognizes me. I smile and try to make the best impression I can. But how does one do this when I have a reputation for everything from prostitution to murder?

I smile anyway and use my most pleasant, happy voice, “Hello, I was wondering if Willow was home?”

“Oh - um yes. Stay here - I’ll go get her.”

She briskly turns around. She does not invite me in. She closes the door actually. How welcoming. Yes, she defiantly recognizes me.

I stand there, motionless. I’m almost afraid to move. Willow is practically my only chance to see if Spike was actually at that party. I cannot mess this up.

The door opens after an eternity. It’s Willow. I breathe a sigh of relief. She smiles awkwardly at me.

“Oh - Hi. I have a favour to ask of you,” I say and she looks confused.

“Computer favour - I need some help sound editing,” I explain

She relaxes and opens the door wider, “Come in,” she whispers.

We walk silently down a well-furnished hall. I can see her mother watching from one of the back rooms. A look of disdain present on her face. I continue to follow Willow.

I can hear the ticking of a clock, and it is deafening. The only sound to be heard in the entire house. The ticking of a clock. It feels as though it is counting down to something. That it is counting more than time.
I start walking to the beat of the seconds. One foot - tick - one foot - tick.

The hallway seems to be never ending. It also seems to be getting darker. Is this where I meet my untimely demise?

One foot - tick - one foot - tick.

We finally stop at a closed door. Willow opens it; she has yet to say another word. I start to wonder if she is possessed.

I enter the room and she closes the door behind me. She releases a deep breath.

“Hey sorry for the Stepford robot out there. She even creeps me out sometimes. And she’s my mother,” Willow hastily explains.

“Hey - no problem. Only slight creep factor.”

“She believes children should be seen and not heard. So if you leave this room try to make as little noise as possible. You do not want her to go off. She will rant for hours.”

“Okay then - don’t leave the room: check.”

“So you need computer help?”

“Oh ya - the video that broadcasted my talents to the world? I need some help with making it to motion picture status,” I joke even though it still bothers me to speak of it.

“Oh…okay. Let’s see what I can do,” Willow says happily.

I pull my computer out of my messenger bag and hand it to her. She sits comfortably onto her bed and I take a seat on the floor leaning against it.

“So what are you looking for in the audio?” she asks me.

“Oh - the scene where I say ‘no’ but no one seems to care? Ya - I want to hear the audio clearly. I thought I heard something earlier,” I explain.

Willow has an unreadable expression on her face. I just look up at her from my spot on the floor and give her a small smile. She returns it but her smile looks sad…

“I’m sorry,” she says.

“For what?”

“For what you’ve been through. With the video…”

“Oh it’s not your fault. Believe me - worse things have happened to me,” I try and reassure her, “Unless it was your fault. Did you happen to film me in my drugged state?”

She looks scared, “What?!? No! I didn’t! I swear! No!”

I laugh, “I was just teasing you. People think Buffy Summers is without humour. I thrive for it. I know you had nothing to do with this. I don’t even think you were at the party.”

“No…I wasn’t. Didn’t feel very welcome.”

“That’s the elite rule. Do not welcome anyone who doesn’t have their own private jet.”

She laughs and we slip into a comfortable silence. Willow begins to work on the video once more.

I sit there, looking around her room. It’s pretty ordinary. It looks like mine actually. There are no posters, only a few photos. It is organized. There is a large bulletin board on the wall across from me. I read a few things on it. Pretty regular stuff: class schedule, school dance flyers, class president flyers, more pictures of Willow and her friends - I notice Tara present in all of them. They must be close.

I move my search to the other side of the room. I scan over the contents of the top of the dresser. Basic materials; lip-gloss, bracelets, more pictures. But something makes me stop. A single picture in a blue frame. It is far away but I have no doubt what I see. I stand up and walk towards the dresser. I can feel Willow looking at me in curiosity.

I continue my walk across the room. My eyes never leaving the frame. After what seemed like the longest trek, I finally am in arms distance of the picture. I lift it up and just stare at it. Everything else just slips away.

Willow’s voice breaks me from my reverie, “Um…whatcha doing there Buffy?”

“Oh - I’m sorry. I am nosy by nature. I just saw the picture and I couldn’t help it.”

“What picture?”

“This one,” I say as a turn around holding the frame with both my hands. I am holding it lightly, almost afraid it’s not real or it will break.

Willow looks at the picture and does that sad smile again. I return my gaze to the photo. There’s Willow of course, she is not looking at the camera but at the girl next to her. Willow has a silly expression on her face. The girl next to her is laughing absurdly into the camera. The stilled laugh is infectious and I can’t help but smile myself. I can almost feel the joke they are laughing at - the laugh of the girl is so real. It reaches her eyes and she looks so happy.

Contrary to the enormous smile I have on; tears begin to pool in my eyes. One lone teardrop falls onto the frame. Directly onto the face of the laughing girl. Her expression does not falter; of course not it is a photograph. But it seems so real that she should just wipe it away and continue laughing.

I don’t bother wiping my eyes and I look up at Willow. I just stare at her for a bit and she looks at me in confusion. I finally begin to speak, “You knew my sister?”

Willow sends me another sad smile…she’s really good at that. I stand there - just looking at her. Obviously expecting an answer.

The silence is deafening. It feels as though hours have past but I know logically that it has been only seconds.

Willow finally begins to speak, “Ya…I did.”

That’s it? When has Willow ever been vague? She has never been vague in the whole three days I’ve known her!

I stare at her - I guess I was showing that I expected her to continue.

She doesn’t let me down, “Ya…I knew Dawn. We were friends. I thought you knew that.”

“No - I didn’t. How come I never knew? I knew all of Dawn’s friends; at least I thought I did.”

“Well I’m not exactly with the ‘in’ crowd. It’s not as if she was ashamed. I just felt awkward around her - your - that group.”

“Oh…” I say as I drop my stare down to the photo once more, “She looks happy…”

“She was. She was happy. She seemed to have a knack for living life to its fullest…”

“Ya - she did didn’t she? She was always saying I was too uptight. That I needed to live more. Because before I knew it…life would leave me behind,” I choke up in the middle of my sentence. Dawn lived life the way it deserves - and it was taken from her. I swallow back the sob that had risen in my throat. I take a deep breath and look at Willow.

“She talked about you a lot…” Willow said.

“She did?”

“Ya - it was always ‘Buffy this’ and ‘Buffy that’ - good things though. Like how she thought you were the coolest person ever to exist. And how you always had the best clothes. Of course there was the occasional blaming of being grounded or something - but she really looked up to you.”

“Oh,” It is all I say as I turn around and place the photograph back onto the dresser. I wipe the tear from her face. I smile again as I look at her.

I take another deep breath and turn around. I smile at Willow and try to act like any of that had not happened. I sit down in my previous position and Willow continues working.

As a comfortable silence took over the room, I became lost in my memories of Dawn.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I jumped and almost screamed when Willow yelled “Ah Ha!”.

We had been sitting in silence for a while now - I didn’t want to distract her from what could be the sound clip that would forever change my life.
“Did you get it?” I asked.

“Yup - I just had to sort through a lot of other levels of audio - but I think I’ve finally got it!”

“Good work - can you play it?”

Willow moved the cursor over to the play button and my heart started racing.

The sound filled the room. You could hear the music, the laughter, but it drifted apart. Only one layer of sound was heard eventually. The room was silent. I swear I could even hear Ms. Rosenburg walking in the living room - her heels echoing across the wooden floor.

Then I heard it.

Willow had done an amazing job. Part of me wished she hadn’t. That there would always be a sense of doubt in my mind. But no. I could clearly hear “Spike - come over here!”

My throat felt like it was collapsing into itself. I could barely breathe. Then there was nothing. MY throat went back to normal size, my breathing normalized.

I am Buffy Summers and I will not be broken by this. So what I only kissed my more-than-possible rapist a few times. It wasn’t like I was actually falling for him.

I could never fall for someone so disgusting. I would have caught on to his repulsive behaviour soon enough. Before things went too far.

But things already had.

I thanked Willow and quickly made a departure - mumbling something about the time. Not surprisingly, she did that same smile again. I sent a thankful glance her way and left without another word.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I barely remember what happened after I left Willow’s. All I know now that it is a new day.

I have made it the whole day without seeing ‘him’. But it is now fourth period English. No escape plan. Well that’s not true…I am Buffy Summers I always have an escape plan. But I have to save those for real emergencies. Being stuck in a room with your possible rapist? Not an emergency.

I walk directly to my seat in the back. I do not look at anyone. I do not look at him. I take a seat and look straight ahead to the board. Using my peripheral vision, I look at him. He is talking with Angel and sending brief glances my way. The entire class goes on like this.

Once the bell rung I quickly pack up and head for the door. He steps in front of me. I do not make eye contact and I quickly move around him.

I escaped successfully. I make my way to my locker to get my textbook for my next class. But I can feel that something isn’t right. I whip around and there he is. I keep my eye level low - just on his torso. But I can still tell he is staring at me in confusion.
I go to turn the other way and he grabs my arm. I outwardly flinch and pull my arm away from his grasp. I finally make eye contact.

I can clearly see is confusion - his hurt. But I am a stone. I look at him with cold eyes - daring him to try and stop me again. He backs off and I walk away.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



A few days pass - just like that one. Except Spike does not approach me anymore. He does not even look at me in class. Things have returned to the way they were.

I managed to talk with Giles - and arranged shifts that would ensure me not meeting up with Spike. Even if there were a chance of meeting, Spike would stay clear of the shop.

I have currently taken a break from finishing math homework. How I hate parabolas. I’ve gone around doing my nightly routine. I shower, trying to wash the disgust away. It doesn’t work.

I put on my favourite puffy white robe and I walk back down to the living room to finish the evil homework. Who cares about the Domain and Range of functions?

I hear a knocking at the door. Strange. No one ever comes to our door anymore. I walk towards it and look through the blind over the window in the door. It’s Spike.

I gasp and pull back, not sure of what to do.

“I’m not leaving,” he says through the door.

I take a deep breath and turn the knob. “It’s kind of a bad time,” I say to him, pulling my robe closer around my neck.

“Okay. So I should come back when, never? Does never work for you?” he says sarcastically.

I just stare at him. Unsure of what to do.

“What did I do, Buffy? Can you just tell me so that I can apologise or explain?!?” exhaustedly he cries to me.

“Okay. Explain. Explain to me why you were the one with GHB the night of Cordelia Chase’s party when someone drugged and raped me.” There I did it. I flat out asked him.

He looks stunned. “Explanation? Apology?” I adamantly ask.

“You were raped?” he says aloud, almost as if he is trying to process it. He leans forward, towards me, as if he is about to hold me.

I step back and hold up a hand between us, “Okay, don’t! Seriously!”

He stops his advances and just looks at me. Finally he speaks, “What happened to you?”

“You tell me.”

“Wait. Wait a minute, you think -”

I cut him off, “I was told you were the one with the drugs.” I try not to look at the hurt on his face.

“Yeah. I got some when I was in LA with Conner and Angel. We were just gonna have some fun.”

“Fun? Like have sex with unconscious people fun?” I accuse.

“No, fun like go to a rave fun.”

“Oh. Okay. You’ve convinced me. Bygones.”

“What can I do? What can I do to make it better?” He asks so sweetly that I want to let him hold me. But I come to my senses quickly.

I stand up straight, look him directly in the eye, and begin to speak, “I’m going to find out who did this to me and I’m going to make them pay. Even if it was you.”

He stares at me - he’s obviously upset and hurt.

“Sorry. I have to go throw up now,” I say as I shut the door and walk away. Leaving Spike on my porch, staring at the door.

I kept walking away from the door. I eventually found myself in my room. I fell onto the bed, pulled my knees up to my chest, and cried.

I don’t cry very much anymore. Seems that after everything, my tears have dried. Dawn’s death, my friends’ abandonment, my father’s abandonment, my rape…

There is nothing as horrible as being raped. Your security is just ripped away. I was helpless, something I vowed never to happen again.

But now my secret is out. Spike knows now. Wonder if it will be around the school by lunch?

I try to pull my knees closer, trying to collapse into myself. Trying to squeeze away the pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am going to find out who did this. I don’t care what I have to do to know. I am going to find him, and make him wish he were dead.

The weekend was boring. I went to work, did my homework, and went to sleep. Repeat.

It’s Monday again, everyone’s favourite day.

As you can see, my pain turned into anger. The way it normally does now.

It’s lunch now. This is the time were I usually get most of my information. Every possible suspect is here - or at least someone with some info is.

So as a rule, people that hate you aren’t that helpful. There were about a hundred people at Cordelia’s party. Ninety-eight of them would walk over my corpse for free gum. My resources are limited, but I do have a few people I can beat information out of.

Parker Abrams. I’m going alphabetically today. He’s sitting three tables over, at the elite table. He doesn’t have an actually seat, hasn’t worked his way up to that standing yet, but he has a nice stone ledge to sit on. Luckily for me, it is far enough from the group that I can avoid everyone else.

I walk up behind him, holding my messenger bag to the side tightly, securing my grasp for my tazer.

“Parker - you’ve probably already know what I’m here to talk to you about, unless they are actually keeping you out of the loop just because of that haircut.”

He whips around, glaring at me, “Whoa - Summers. You are really getting good at the sneaking around thing.”

“I know right? Well, anyway - I haven’t seen you since how long? Hmm…how many days has it been from Cordelia’s party?”

“You are the nerd…”

“Right…and you are the moron - they should totally make a TV show called that.”

“But who would play you? I think Hollywood is running low on whore nerds.”

“Ah yes, we are hard to find - usually running away from assholes like you. But anyway, not that this little chat isn’t fun - but seriously did you enjoy Cordelia’s party?”

“Oh ya - that was alright. I mean, it was pretty long ago. Did you have fun? It sure looked like you did.”

“The details are a little fuzzy - care to share your memories. Perhaps we could have like a memory moment or something.”

“Well you were rubbing yourself up against anything that moved…even some things that didn’t…”

“See, I slightly remember - with the help of a video - of being unable to move really…”

“That was much later into the night.”

“Oh? Then I heard you carried me into the pool house. Is that true?”

“Well ya - Riley said we should move you. So I carried you in there. I just set you down on the bed…”

“Why do I get the feeling that there is something you are not telling me?”

“Well, Riley kind of suggested that we um…take advantage of your situation…”

“And did you?” I unconsciously pull my arms in front of my body.

“NO! Seriously, Riley left me in the room and I couldn’t do it. I mean I had thought of it - but I knew you would find out or something.”

“That’s the only thing that stopped you from raping me? That I might find out?”

“Well ya…”

“You disgust me. But what happen after Riley left?”

“I ran out of the room. But seriously, I didn’t touch you. I was at the other side of the house in minutes.”

“Okay - but thanks for leaving me there.” I punch him in the shoulder and walk away.

I walk towards the library. Not looking back, I know Parker is probably still looking at me. Do I believe him? I’m not sure.

He is the scum of the earth and I hate him - but is his story true? Guess I gotta go find Riley again. I shudder.

I turn into the hallway that has my locker. I’m not really paying attention, I just keep playing Parker’s story repeatedly in my head. I keep walking down the hallway, but I stop suddenly. He’s right there, in front of me. Spike.

My breath stops in my throat - please don’t say anything. Please don’t approach me. I meet his eyes, and they have the same expression they did last night. But now they seem to have more sadness in them.

I guess we must look silly. Like we are having a Mexican Standoff of something. But he’s the first to move. Someone calls him name and it breaks him from his reverie. He turns to give me one last look, but I’m gone.

At least that is what I imagined happened. Perhaps he didn’t look back. Perhaps he just ran down the hall. Perhaps he started to cry. I will never know. Because I was too afraid of what would happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I approached the football field with a heavy heart. Why couldn’t I just shove Spike to the back of my mind?

I spot Riley on the field. He doesn’t seem like he is leaving it anytime soon. I look up at the bleachers, scouting the people. There is only one person sitting. Amy. Hmm…well, this will be interesting.

I climb up the seats towards Amy. She looks at my in confusion and repulsion - I see nothing has changed.

“So Amy, haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Not since you killed your sister,” she spats back at me.

“Oh ok then, well I guess this won’t be as easy as I thought it would be.”

“What would?”

“Well I was going to see if I could get some information out of you - perhaps a sarcastic comment here and there - but no - if you want to be tough then fine.”

I take a seat next to her. She looks around the bleachers, making sure no one can see us.

“I really don’t want to talk to you Summers.”

“Ya, well this isn’t my perfect idea either - but your boyfriend is busy right now - so let’s see what you have to say.”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“Now, you didn’t even let me ask a question. What do you remember about Cordelia Chase’s party?”

“That everyone was there. Even you. Don’t even know how they let you in…”

“Oh so you saw me?”

“Who didn’t? You were dancing with every one in the room - sometimes doing more than just dancing.”

“Was I now? Who was I ‘dancing’ with?”

“Everyone - Parker, Scott, Ben…Riley,” she says the last name with a bitterness in her voice.

“Riley?”

“Ya you were making out with him in front of everyone. You just clung onto him - I think I barfed a little.”

“Okay - ew. Riley? Why him?” I say this mostly to myself but Amy looks at me in hatred.

“You always had to mess up my life didn’t you - you always wanted everything. Seeing you kissing him - I hated you more than I thought possible,” Amy confessed, staring directly at me.

I had an epiphany, “You were the one who wrote ‘SLUT’ on my car in red lipstick.”

“Took you long enough.”

“Why did you write that?”

“Because ‘WHORE’ had too many letters. I saw you with Riley - going into the room.”

“What room?” I ask angrily.

“The pool house - Parker was carrying you. But Riley led the way… Riley came out quickly though - he found me and got me a drink. Said it was nothing. ”

“Okay then. Well this has been fun. I’m seriously going to try and avoid this in the future though.”

“Whatever.”

I start to walk away, but turn around to look back at her. I speak once more, “Amy? Do you remember the rest of the night?”

“No - not really. I woke up at Riley’s house. Just figured I had to much to drink or something.”

I turned back around and walked away from the field. I could deal with Riley another day. But Riley’s portion of GHB was used on Amy - so he didn’t drug me. But he still could have raped me.

Finally, the football team got off the field. I had left the bleachers - my dramatic send off to Amy. But I didn’t wait after school just to do that. No, I waited for Riley in the parking lot. I seem to be doing this a lot…

But this time, I’m at my car. I’ve parked a few spots over from Riley so he’s sure to see me.

Riley approaches the parking lot, he hasn’t spotted me yet. He spots his surfboard first.

I think I forgot to mention his relationship with his surfboard. He’s addicted to surfing. Basically every boy in California is. But Riley is like in love with this board. Got it custom made and all that jazz.

Now his love is resting just in front of my front wheel. He spots this, his look comical. His eyes slowly trail from the ground, to the wheel, to the hood, to the driver’s seat. Here he sees me at the wheel, idling the engine.

“Hiya Riley. How’s it going?” I say in the happiest voice I can.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” Riley says angrily, looking back at his board.

“Um, trying to get your attention.” I say in an obvious tone.

He makes a move to rescue his board. I see this and quickly rev the engine. He stops his rescue attempt. I smile.

“Got a couple questions for ya.” I say happily.
“You’re fucking nuts, you know that?” He screams at me.

“Insulting me right now seems like a good plan how?” I ask.

As Riley holds his hands up in resignation, casting glances at his board, responds, “What do you want?”

“Answers, and quickly. Did you drug me the night of Cordelia Chase’s party?”

“What? No. I’m not even the one who had the drugs.”

I rev the engine again.

“I mean, I got some, but I didn’t give any to you I swear on my life.” he says panicked.

“See, when you say that, it makes me hope you’re lying. I know you brought me into the pool house for Parker.”

“More like, I found you in the pool house.”

I look confused and he continues, “Ya, I walked by and Parker was on the bed beside you. You were all like ‘don’t leave me in this big bed all alone Parker’ and ‘don’t leave me Parker’.”

“Are you freaking kidding me? How about reality, Riley?”

“What? I’m just telling you what I saw. I didn’t drug you. Don’t go blaming me because you got all wasted and slutty.”

I did a couple of things next. First, I gave Riley a look that could kill. Then, I put both hands on the wheel and surged forwards. The surfboard smashed instantly. Let’s just say, Riley wasn’t happy. I drove away, leaving Riley swearing profusely behind me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My sources are limited as to where I can go next. But I do know where some information will be.

Not everyone in my school is an elite. Yet, if you are pretty enough, and are dating the right person, you can be invited to all the parties. Prime example: Winifred Burkle.

She is why I am sitting at the counter at the local coffee shop. She works here. She is one of the middle class - one who has to work for a living. She spots me and walks over.

“What can I get for you?” she asks - nice enough to not get fired, but not too nice as to loose her popularity.

“I’ll have a hot chocolate, an oatmeal cookie and some answers if you can give me about two minutes.

She sighs, why don’t people expect this when I approach? “Fine - but only two minutes.”

“Ok - here’s the thing. Do you remember Cordelia Chase’s party?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I don’t. At least, not between passing out in the backyard and waking up the next morning in the pool house. I think you probably saw me.”

“I saw you.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“You were in the pool house - making out with some guy. It was disgusting. You were pulling off each other’s clothes. I yelled at you both and shut the door.”

“Who was the guy?”

“Angel McDonald.”

My heart just stopped - and I think it went into my throat. Angel…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now I am at the McDonald door. This is practically a suicide mission. But as I stand there, upset and wrapping my arms around myself protectively, I don’t seem to care. I ring the bell. Angel answers.

He is obviously shocked but I don’t give him a chance to say anything.

“Hey - long time no see. So Fred Burkle said that you and I were in bed together the night of Cordelia Chase’s party. Care to elaborate?”

Angel is obviously shocked, “What? What are you talking about?”

“I wanna know what happened.”

“Do you know how wasted I was at that party? I barely even remember it. The whole night’s a blur.”

“Fred said she walked into the pool house and you were naked and on top of me.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“YOU WERE THE ONE THAT RAPED ME!!!” I scream at him, my voice hoarse.

“I raped you?!”

I start to cry harder now.

“So…my brother is a murderer and I’m a rapist?”

I’m sobbing heavily now. He comes out from the doorway to confront me.

“What are you doing? What are you acting like this? Why are you acing like you weren’t there?”

“What?” I look directly at him, confused and angry.

“You were there too, you know. I thought we had some unspoken rule, like we’re never gonna talk about it. But now apparently, I raped you.” He says.

I say nothing and he elaborates.

“I was drunk and I wandered into the pool house. I saw you on the bed, and I sat down next to you. You woke up. You started kissing me and then…well you know the rest.”

“Then why did you leave me there? If it was so tender, and loving, why did I wake up by myself searching for my underwear?” I cry at him.

“Because I had to get out of there!”

“You had to?”

“Yes! I woke up, I saw you there, I realized what I did…”

“What did you realize was so bad? What did you do?” I scream at him, still crying.

“I slept with you!” he screams at me, starting to break down.

“But it was consensual right?” I question.

“Yes.”

“Then what about that is so wrong?”

“Because I’m supposed to hate you! I tried to just cut you out of my life. I loved you! I tried not to, I really did try! But it won’t go away!” Angel screams at me, tears flowing down his face.

We are both sobbing uncontrollably now. I look around and see Lindsey McDonald close by, watching us. I look back at Angel, then quickly turn around a run as Angel sinks to his knees.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am currently sitting outside Willow’s house. I am just sitting perfectly still. Willow comes out of the house, walks over to my car, and leans in on the passenger side.

“I was about to call the police on you stalker.” She jokes as she stares at me.

I start to break down in the middle of her joke. She is terribly concerned. I basically blanked for the next bit. Everything just started flowing from my mouth. Everything. Angel, Dawn, Spike, my dad. There was no stopping me.

We are currently sitting on her bed, both of us leaning against the headboard.

“This is so not an “I told you do,” but do you see why I kinda keep things to myself?”

She doesn’t say anything, just continues to stare across her room.

“I think I can go home now.” I continue.

“Maybe you should just stay here.” Willow offers.

“No, I feel better. Of course, you feel worse.”

“No, I don’t care about me. I just wish I could do something. Or say something.”

“You don’t have to say anything. That’s kind of the good part.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After an exhausting talk with Willow, convincing her I was fine to go home, I found myself in front of the Magic Box.

It wasn’t my night to be working - so I knew Spike would be there. I just had to gather enough courage to force myself in there.

How do you apologize for something like this? I mean - there are no cards saying ‘Sorry I accused you of raping me.’

So I guess I’ll have to talk to him face-to-face. And as for what I’m going to say? I’ll just wing it.

I approach the shop, opening the door. I don’t even cringe at the sound of the bell ringing. This is a time to be serious.

He hasn’t looked up yet. He mumbles something; I assume it’s the normal shop slogan.

I just stand there, unsure of what to do. I finally stop him as he struggles at the last part of the rhyme. “Hey,” I say. That’s a good opener right?

He looks up, surprised, but he covers it up nicely.

“Oh. I exist? Thought I felt different today.” He says as continues with the inventory.

“Ok, I deserved that. But I just wanted you to know I’m sorry.”

He looks up from the counter, staring at me confused. He doesn’t say anything.

I continue, “I am so sorry. I know now it wasn’t you and I’m sorry I accused you.”

“It’s fine. You okay?” He asks ever so sweetly as he approaches me.

“No, it’s not fine. I’m really sorry.”

“I get that you’re sorry. But Buffy, all I care about is you,” he says as he stands in front of me, holding my hands, “Okay? Did you find something out?”

“Yeah.” I look down, embarrassed.

“Well, do you want to tell me about it? I mean, you don’t have to tell me anything. I’m just here for whatever you need, okay?”

“I was drugged but I wasn’t…”

“Yeah…” he urges me to continue.

“I was with Angel.”

He is obviously stricken by this. I feel the need to explain, “Apparently we ended up in the pool house together, and he was wasted and I was….out of it…and I guess our feelings and nature…”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to me.

“I’m just glad you’re here.” I say as I wrap my arms around him and let the tears fall again.

He holds me as I cry, slowly rubbing my back. I finally feel like things might turn out all right for once. I feel safe.

“Let me lock up and I can drive you home,” Spike offers as looks at me.

“My mom is at an art show right now, can I stay with you for a bit longer?” I question, hoping I’m not imposing.

“Ya - you can stay with me for as long as you like.”

Together, we prepare the shop for closing. Finally, we finish, and Spike approaches me. He doesn’t say anything, he only lowers his head. Our lips meet. Finally I’m home.

As the kiss ends, he sighs, “I’ve been waiting too long to do that.”

Not another word was said as he took my hand and led my outside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We approached the Giles house fairly quickly. It’s dark now, and the house was covered in darkness.

“Welcome to le maison de Giles. My dad thinks he’s a gourmet. Humour him.”

We walked toward the door, Spike swinging our hands childish. I laugh at his antics.

“You’re adorable, you know that?” I say while laughing.

“Down right cute, if I may say so.”

“You may.”


“Okay, showtime.”

He kissed me as he opens the door. Somehow, without breaking the kiss we manage to enter the house.

The light comes on.

“SURPRISE!” is shouted at us.

We are stunned. With our lips still touching, we look around the room. It’s decorated for a party. It is filled with stunned and silent elites.

Soft noises of disapproval and surprise go around the room. Then the whispering starts. Someone is incredibly bad at it, and ‘Wow’ is practically shouted.

I am still in Spike’s arms. We just stare at each other. Giles obviously sees our discomfort and approaches us.

“I guess you are wondering what your entire class is doing here at this hour,” Giles says chuckling.

“Ya - the thought had passed my mind,” Spike responds, looking around the room.

“It’s a party.” Giles explained.

“And the reason for this party? Except for shock value?” Spike asks sarcastically.

“Well, it is kind of a birthday party. You never got to have one - cause we moved here after.

“Right…good call.”

Spike turns away from his father, and turns to me. He holds out his hang. I stare at it.

This is a new step. Going public. In front of everyone. My life changes from here on out. I place my hand in his, and he squeezes it.

We start to walk further into the room. Riley approaches Logan and speaks quietly so the rest of the party won’t hear. But I can.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing? Please tell me this is like, some new reality show called My Skank,” Riley says as he looks at me in disgust.

“Goodbye, Riley,” Spike replies.

“What?” Riley asks, looking shocked.

“Get out of my house. You have a problem with Buffy, you leave. Actually, you have a problem with Buffy, you’re pretty much dead to me, so just, like evaporate of something, I dunno.”

Riley is surprised and backs away. A buzz of whispers goes around the room.

Spike doesn’t back down, “That’s kind of a general invitation. If you don’t like my girlfriend then just start heading toward the rectangle with the knob.”

I gasp…girlfriend?

A few people leave, I don’t really know any of them. But one person pops out of nowhere. Angel appears from somewhere inside the crowd and walks to the door.

Spike tries to stop and talk to him, “Look, Angel, listen, I wanna…”

But Angel doesn’t stop. He just goes out the door, slamming it.

Spike just sighed heavily and looked at the door. He eventually just leaned against it and stared across the room at me.

I smile at him but continue moving further into the room, disappearing into the crowd. I bumped into Cordelia who was holding two drinks.

“So, are you like dating Spike now?” she asks with an oblivious look on her face.

“Yes, Cordelia.” I respond with a sigh.

“Don’t you think his dad is pretty cool? I mean he through a party - with alcohol - for him. And he is pretty cute,” she said as if we were still friends.

I looked at her in slight confusion but went with it. Her arm extended and within her hand held a blue cup.

“You want one? They said it was sugar-free, but I don’t know.”

I accept the drink cautiously and smile. Maybe she isn’t so bad. I spot Willow standing by a pillar. I head over to her, wondering why she is here. She said herself she doesn’t do parties.

Willow moves forward toward me, “You don’t want to drink that,” she says, pointing at my cup.

“Why?” I question.

“I’m betting Cordelia spat in your drink. She does it to people she doesn’t like. And I’m assuming you are one of those people,” Willow explained.

I just stared down at the blue cup in my hand. Stupid Buffy, thinking for a moment it was an act of kindness - acceptance. That life wouldn’t suck so much. Suddenly, realization dawns.

I walk away from Willow and quickly scout out Cordelia. I grab her arm and pull her around to face me.

“Ow. What are you doing?” She says accusingly.

“Did you spit in my drink the night of your party?” I glare at her while I question her.

“What? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She stares at me, a slight smirk on her face.

“Did you spit in your drink and give it to me at your party last year?” I ask again, my voice rising.

“Like I was the only person’s spit you had in you mouth that night.” She says with a disgusted voice.

[i]Cordelia is sitting at the bar, watching Dru do shots. Conner came up behind her, offering her a drink. He kissed her and hands her the drink. She gets it to her lips and pauses.

“Regular soda? Why didn’t you just fill the cup with lard?”

She starts to put the drink down but then sees me, walking past everyone, making a disgusted face towards Angel. She spits in the drink and holds it out into my path. [/i]

That’s how the drink appeared in my hand. That’s how I was drugged - it wasn’t meant for me. Conner had meant to give it to Cordelia.

“You have no idea what you did to me.” I accuse her.

“Oh my god! I spit in you drink! You are like so scarred for life!” she says, walking off, completely oblivious to the harm she caused.

I just stand there, in shock. No one had targeted me. I continued to stand there, in the middle of the hallway, the party continuing around me.

Giles was at the door, showing a couple out, “Thanks for coming guys. I hope you got something to eat.”

Spike appeared from nowhere, holding out his hands. I take them within my own and he leads me out the back door. We head towards the pool house. I smile as he skips a step and turns to swing me down off it.

Their pool house is small compared to the elites. It only has a bedroom and a small bathroom - usually these things come equipped with a kitchen.

“Now, see, why can’t it just be like this?” He says as he kisses me, “Why do there have to be all those other people in this world?”

He kissed me again and pulls me toward the bed.

I question him, “What are you doing?”

She sits back up on the bed, pulling me with him.

“You’re too short,” he states, “It means I level the playing field.”

I move to sit on his lap and kiss him. “It this where you take all you conquests?” I ask jokingly.
He laughs, “Only the short ones.”

I kiss him again, but after a moment he stops.

“I have to tell you something.”

I try to ignore his statement and continue kissing him, “I’m sorry, we’re past the confesional portion of this program. We’re on to the make-out.”

“Listen, Buffy, stop.”

I stop and look down at him, waiting for him to speak.”

“I gotta….I have to tell you something about Cordelia’s party.”

I just continued to stare at him.

“I was there…for the body shots. I sprinkled the salt and placed the lime. I encouraged the other guys to participate.” he confesses as he refuses to make eye contact.

“I know about the salt lick. I’m gonna choose to think of it as one of those not real things.”

He sighs and then speak again, “There’s more.”

I’m confused. What else could he have done? I look down at him and I can almost see tears forming in his eyes, begging me to forgive him.

I sit back, away from him, confused.

We sit there in silence for what feels like forever. He seems to be thinking of the best way to tell what happened.

He finally takes a deep breath and begins to speak, “During the shots, Angel came over…he pushed some guys off of you and started screaming at me. He was freaking out, and ruining the party. I just wanted him to stop yelling. I put my portion of GHB in a cup with some rum and apologized to him for the shots. Told him he was right, it was no way to have fun. I handed him the cup, a peace offering I said. God, I even said ‘Cheers’ as he drank…I only wanted him to have some fun. God, I am sorry. I can’t believe I did that. It was stupid and horrible. And you should never forgive me.”

He finally finished, tears shinning in his eyes, looking up at me.

“You didn’t know what would happen,” I say to him.

“I’m the one who’s responsible for what happened to you. And I can’t take that I hurt you like that. I can’t take that I hurt you when all I want to do is protect you.”

I just stared at him. Then slowly I leaned forward and kissed him. After a moment, he held me away.

“I want you to trust me,” he said coarsely.

“I do,” I responded softly.