The night air was thick with darkness as I stepped out of my front door and on to the veranda. It was about 11:30 on a Thursday night and I was preparing myself for the fights that lay ahead. I sighed deeply. It reminded me of a different time, a different place. A place that’s been destroyed and had taken good friends with it, and a lover that could never be replaced. He was truly one of a kind.

I shut the front door and looked out into the darkness, letting my eyes adjust. Nothing was the same here, yet the only thing that seemed different was the location. I walked out towards the footpath when I heard the front door open again.

“Where are you going?” I turned to see my sister, standing in the ghostly light coming from the hall.

“Hunting, where else?” I turned my back to leave, to give her the hint not to follow, but she persisted.

“Can I come?”

“No.” I know it was blunt and cold, but I didn’t want to take the risk of her getting hurt. Besides, lately I was enjoying being alone and taking some of the work load of Kennedy. I started walking.

“You’re never going to find him.” I spun around, quite taken aback from her last remark.

“He’s gone forever.” She whispered. I saw a tear slip down her face as she turned and walked back into the house, shutting the door behind her. I found a tear sliding down my cheek too. Oh, how I missed him. I turned back to the footpath and begin to walk again. Time to make myself feel better. Time to kick some vampire or demon arse. Which ever came first.

I wandered down the path and headed to the cemetery. A slayers work is never done. My neck started tingling to alert me of a presence and then, as if on que, a vampire popped out from behind the tree in front of me.

“Why sexy, you look a little lost.” I rolled my eyes. This guy thought he was smooth! Ha! As if. He continued after he gave me a look down.

“Well sexy, I might have the….”

“Don’t think so.” I wasn’t in the mood to play any games. My sister really struck a cord with her little performance before I left the house. I quickly pulled a stake from my jacket and rammed it into the vampire’s chest.

“Oh. Slayer.” The vampire exclaimed as I pulled the stake out.

“Yeah. Funny that.” I replied. He busted into a million dust particles and fell to the ground. I watched as the wind swept past and the dust danced in the breeze and went down the path. I still didn’t feel any better. I had a memory flash of myself and Spike doing this. It was always fun when he was around and now, well now it just felt like something I had to do. I will find him!! I just knew it.

“I WILL FIND HIM!” I shouted to the darkness.

“Find who?” I jumped, startled by the sudden intrusion. I knew the voice and it was just like him to show up un-announced. I spun around to face him.

“Never you mind busy body, and don’t sneak up on me like that; you know I hate it.” I spat out angrily. He raised his hands.

“Whoa, sorry, just thought I had some valuable information for you, but I can see you’re busy…”

“Information about what?” I knew he was baiting me, but I was interested in finding out what he knew.

“Well who are you trying to find?”

”I don’t have time for these games.” I shot hotly. He smiled, which was a rare sight on this soul filled vampire. I could see that I was amusing him, but I wasn’t in the mood for games tonight.

“Well, I need to know so I can give you the right information is all.” He cockily persuaded.

”You know exactly who I am looking for. Remember, he took your place.” I spat. He did save the world and had disappeared from the result of it and as much as I thought I hated him before, I missed him twice as much now. I know I was being cruel to Angel but I was too angry to care. I heard Angel sigh.

“I heard that a half-demon named Jack over on the east side of town knows something about the origin of the amulet. He runs the mechanic shop on Hudson Drive. He is out of town at the moment though.” I drew my breath.

“Well, when does he come back?” I could feel my heart inching up into my throat.

“Not till Friday, he is in L.A., doing some undercover work for Wolfman and Hart.” He paused then added. “It is to bust an underground vampire gang that is praying on a primary school for there regular meals.” I stood still and waited for the information to absorb before I responded.

“Fine, then you tell….tell…”

“Jack.”

“…Jack, right….you tell…you tell Jack that I want to see him when he gets back and…and that it’s urgent. Got it?” I searched the vampire’s face for a reaction to the words I had just spoken. As usual, he showed nothing.

“I’ll make sure he finds out.” He turned to walk into the darkness. “Good luck.” He whispered and with that he walked off, disappearing into the night. Damn that vampire! I giggled out loud at the thought. He already has been damned.

I set off to the cemetery, it wasn’t far now, just a few more metres. As I closed in, I heard the familiar sound of fresh dirt being pushed towards the surface and crumbling over the newly soft dug grave. I grabbed my stake out of my jacket. The familiar tingling of the back of my neck was there and I was ready to fight. I pushed into the cemetery to be alerted by now a familiar sight. The once red-headed computer nerd was harnessing her extreme witching power to harass all sleeping vampires to rise. I found out just recently that she got quite a kick out of it. She was doing so much better these days and I was happy for that.

“How did you know I was coming out tonight?” I asked. She answered without breaking her concentration.

“Your sister told me.” She shot me a huge grin. “Anyway, you know I like helping, it makes me feel good and an excellent excuse to hang out with you.”
“How true.” I grinned back at her; she always managed to get a smile out of me. The noise of shifting dirt brought me back to the reality at hand. A vampire to my right was clawing its way up to the surface. I waited for it to climb out before I kicked it in the head, sending it flying into the closest tomb stone. Loose dirt fell from the vampire’s long dirty blonde hair. It was a young female, not much older then myself if that even mattered. As I approached her, she jumped to her feet abruptly and punched me in the jaw with a right hook.

“That’s not the smartest thing you have ever done is it?” I quipped. She tried to swipe me again but I caught her fist and punchered her in the chest with my stake. I heard her moan as I pulled it out. The vampire combusted into dust and I turned back to my friend.

“Many tonight?”

“Nope, think she’s the only one.” I saw her end the spell and bless the spirits for helping her. I walked over her, hoping to tell her about the news.

“Guess what? Kennedy is…” Willow began.

“I found someone who knows about the amulet.” I blurted. I saw her eyebrows rise in surprise.

“How?”

“It doesn’t matter how; the matter is that I might be finally be able to find out what and how…” I drifted off in mid sentence, my mind filling of only thoughts for him. I felt a comforting arm gather my shoulders and give a little squeeze.

“You will find him you know that, right?” I pushed away fallen tears that I didn’t even feel.

“Yeah, I know, I just miss him so much Will. Everyone does. Nothing really has been the same since it happened.”

“Well the whole town did get blown up, and we did lose some very close friends.” I heard her sigh, remembering that awful day. We were lucky to get out of there with our lives. Spike had been the one that saved us all. I heard her clear her throat before she continued.

“We have been given a new beginning, the old gang, as we were when it all began.” I knew it was an attempt to comfort me, but I didn’t agree with her.

“Yeah, but after everything we have been though, it doesn’t seem fair that we got this second chance and the others didn’t. They deserved it as much as we do. They fought as hard as us.” I saw Willow’s face change from sombre to determine.

“Yes maybe so but don’t you think that they would want us dwelling on them, being all sad-sacky ‘cause they are not here? No. They would want us to be out there, kicking all those demon and vampire butt ‘cause they can’t.” I nodded my head dumbly in agreeance. She was right, but I was still determined to find out what happened to my, well our blonde soul-filled vampire. I knew he was still alive, still existed somewhere. I could feel it. All I have to do is go and see this Jack guy and find out about the amulet, and then I will find him and set him free. My distant gaze must of caught Willow’s eye.

“Come on, it’s late. Let’s go home and get some sleep.” I looked at my friend intently.

“Yeah, I’m tired.” We walked out of the cemetery and headed for my house. We walked in silence, neither one of us knowing what to say to the other. I tried anyway.

“You wanna come and stay at home tonight?” Her green eyes locked on me. They were sad looking.

“I can’t. I’m working on something and I have to get back to it. Besides Kennedy is coming back tomorrow from her parents. I wanna be home when she gets there.” She said quickly. She then turned her head and looked at the ground. We continued walking in silence until we reached the short-cut to her house.

“Gotta go, see you tomorrow.” To my amazement, she gave me a quick hug and sprinted off into the dark track. Weird, but so her. I slowly walked the rest of the way home, which wasn’t far. As I approached the house, I could see that the lounge room light was on. Damn, I thought Dawn would be in bed by now. I opened the front door quietly, it didn’t squeak like the old one. I slipped in and shut it silently behind me. I smiled. My dear sister had indeed tried to stay up to talk to me when I got home, but here she was crashed out on the couch with MTV playing quietly on the box. I went and grabbed a blanket from the closet and laid it over her and then turned off the T.V. She stirred as I did so, grabbing the blanket she curled into it and started to lightly snore. I turned off the lounge room light and headed upstairs. I glanced at the clock; it was now 2:30 am. I was too tired for a shower so I decided to go straight to bed. No sooner did my head hit the pillow was I away in snooze land.

I awoke the next day with the sun shining brightly in my eyes. I groaned and looked at the clock. 11:45. Crap, slept in again. Good thing it was school holidays. Good thing I was on holidays. I grabbed my slippers, put them on and hurried downstairs. The house was quiet and I soon discovered why. There was a note on the fridge from my sister it read:


Buffy,

Gone over to see the rest of the gang.
Hope you enjoyed your sleep in.
Won’t be out late, you relax and I promise I will stay out of trouble!!

Luv,
Dawn.

Very cute. Well at least she told me where she was. I can’t really complain though, she has been pretty good since everything happened. She always tells me where she is going and what she has done. I decided that since I was at the fridge that I would eat. I opened the door and stared aimlessly at the contents. There was really nothing that screamed eat me, so I closed the door and turned the kettle on. Coffee will help me wake up. Coffee will help me function. BANG, BANG, BANG! I jumped and turned to the back door to see who had just startled me. It was the male part of my orginal awesome threesome. I motioned him to enter, but when he turned the handle he found that it was locked. Whoh, Dawnie really is being protective. I walked over and unlocked the door and let him in.

“Nice day huh?” He commented as I opened the door.

“Dunno, just woke up. Want coffee?”

“Just?? Yeah coffee would be good.” He plonked down on the chair closest to him.

“Your sister is scoping out the witchy-ness of our fellow red head. She….”

“She’s not doing any spells or anything is she?” I blurted.

“Your sister? As if! I said that she was scoping not doing, geeze girl, lighten up!” I walked over to the cupboard and removed two cups and set them down on the bench. I heard the kettle click off. Coffee time for me. I scooped the coffee and sugar in to the cups and poured the hot water in. I turned to get the milk when I heard a soft plonk on the bench. I looked to see Xander grinning at me with his hand still on the milk bottle.

“I gather you need this to complete that awesome brew of yours Miss.” I smiled at him. He removed his hand and went and sat back where he was sitting before.

“Thanks.” I poured milk into both cups and stirred it in. I passed one cup to Xander and grabbed the other one for me. I sat on the spare stool and started sipping on my hot beverage.

“So, what are you doing today?” He asked casually. Too casual.

“Why? What’s going on?” I asked him suspiciously.

“Nothing. It’s just that the Carnival is in town and I was wondering if you would join me. The others are going to meet up with me, well us if you come, there.”

“Even Giles…”

“Yes even Giles. He said that it would be good for him to get his nose out of a book and enjoy the world for once…Honestly that is what he said. You know he has been working non stop down at his new office.” His eye was pleading and I knew if I said no I would break his heart. Well it would be fun; I haven’t been to a carnival since before mum passed away.

“Yeah I know I haven’t seen him for like a week.” I sighed.

“Ok. Fine. I will come but I have to have a shower and beautify myself first.” He nodded in agreement.

“That is fine I have to do the same thing anyway.”

“You need to beautify yourself?”

“Well, yes.” He smiled cheekily.

“I’ll be back in about half an hour ok so be ready.”

“Yes sir!” I snickered back to him. He still sometimes came out all military which cracked us all up. It was very hard to not laugh as of the whole eye patch thing now. He drained his cup and got off his stool.

“I mean it Summers. Half an hour. No more.” I saw him smile as he reached for the door handle.

“Alright. But this time come to the front door.”

“Fine, but answer this time ok?” I nodded my head and he walked out, closing the door behind him. I took few more sips out of my cup before placing it on the bench. I then got up and locked the door after my Xander. Time for a shower. I raced up the stairs to the bathroom. I was actually a bit excited I realised. I turned the hot and cold taps on and watched as the water fell in tiny droplet’s to the shower floor. I slipped out of my clothes and eased under the warm water. It felt good on my tired body. I let my back slide down the back of the shower till my butt hit the floor. As the fell on my body I could feel my thoughts being dragged back to the mysterious amulet. If by some chance he was trapped inside by a magical force, could he be freed? I let my mind in vision me with his face, remembering how sometimes he would smile, that his eyes were for only me and that he would do anything for me. All too soon the water started to get cold and his memory was jolted out of my thoughts. I slowly stood up and gave myself a quick wash then turned off the water. It was cold now anyway. I reached out and grabbed my favourite towel and wrapped it around me. As I stepped out of the bathroom I could hear the soft knocking on the front door. I knew who it was and he could wait. I needed to get dry and dressed after all.

As I entered my room and sighed. I have to stop thinking about him I told myself firmly. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Soon, soon I will find out. I quickly dried and got dressed, throwing on a red lacy singlet and a pair of jeans. I grabbed my brush and hurried downstairs. The knocking had stopped but when I opened the front door, he was sitting on the step, looking very impatient.

“Really, I should of known better Summers. Your 15 minutes late.”

“I warned you, I am very high to maintain. That equals time.” I smiled at him, showing him that I didn’t do it on purpose. He smiled back.

“Come on, lets get going, the rest of the gang are meeting us there, luckily.” He quipped.

“Right just let me grab by purse.” I spun around to the dresser in the hallway. I quickly and neatly put up my hair in a ponytail and grabbed my purse and keys and headed out the door. I turned the lock and shut the door.

“So, where exactly is this carnival? I haven’t seen it on any of my patrols.” We strolled towards the car. I had to admit I was excited to be going to the carnival and to travel in Xander’s new car. Well, old new car. It was a second hand Dodge and in good condition at that. He had brought it extremely cheap not too long ago when he went to L.A. for a business meeting. Since he lost his eye he couldn’t build but the company that he was working at let him stay on to be a business man.

“The location only to you is secret my dear slayer.” He leaned forward and opened the passenger door for me. I gratefully sat down on the soft cushioned seat and swung my legs into the car. He shut the door and hurried to the driver’s side and jumped in.

“All buckled up?” CLICK, CLICK went our seat belts. I heard the keys turn in the ignition and the engine roared to life.

“Let’s get going then shall we.” The car shot off the curb and I felt myself being launched back into the seat. I glanced at the male driver and smiled. He had been through a lot, like the rest of us. He lost the only woman that loved him as much as he loved her. Although I knew he was never fond of Spike, he was never fond of any of my boyfriends and I knew he missed him, just a little bit. I knew who missed Spike the most and that was my Dawn. I have often heard her cry herself to sleep at night. I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Earth to Miss-I’m-in-la-la-land. Where here.” I looked up. There, in front of me was the most biggest Ferris wheel I had seen in my life! I opened the car door and got out. I could hear the shrieks of joy coming from the different rides. Hmmm…so many memories come flooding back of the old days.

“Well come on!” I heard Xander’s voice again. It had an impatient tone to it. I reached into the car and grabbed my purse then locked and shut the door.

“I’m sorry; it’s just been so long since I have been to been to one of these.”

“Same here, that’s why I want to get in there!” He motioned to the gate.

“OK, I’m coming!” Gee wiz he can be pushy when he wants to be! We walked to the front gate and Xander paid for both our tickets. I strolled ahead, trying to get a glimpse of the gang. I found Willow and Kennedy sitting on a bench looking enthusiastically at a ride.

“I bet Andrew pukes.” I heard Kennedy say as I walked up.

“Hey all.” Willow and Kennedy turned and smiled.

“Hey Buffy. Wanna put a bet on whether Andrew pukes on that ride?” Willow asked smiling and pointing to a roller coaster. Before I could answer I saw Giles walking up.

“Well who thought you would come to a carnival Giles?” He smiled warmly.

“I thought the fresh air would do me good actually.” He replied.

“Oh Giles don’t lie, you came cause me and Willow made you.” Kennedy quirked.

“Ah well yes that too I suppose.” Giles said sheepishly. Willow suddenly jumped up.

“YES! I won the bet.” She had a huge grin on her face. I couldn’t help but smile. Soon Dawn and Andrew came walking towards me and the group. I could hear Andrew talking to Dawn.

“…..I am never trusting you again Dawn. That was awful not to mention that I felt so sick…..oh hey Buffy.” I saw Kennedy smirk out of the corner of my eye. Xander spoke up.

“Well come on….Lets all go and have some fun!!”

“Oh no not again.” Andrew wimpered.

We spent the rest of the day trying different rides, we had Andrew puke up on one and we even managed to get Giles onto a few of the less scary ones. By the time it was getting dark Dawn, Xander, Andrew and I had been on every ride in the carnival at least once.

“That was so fun.” I heard Dawnie squeak in delight as we headed to our cars. “Too bad its not here all the time though.”

“Well I am glad its not here all the time, those rides were horrible.” Andrew complained. I saw Willow and Xander talking in hushed tones near Giles’ car. I thought nothing of it and walked over to Xander’s car.

“Meet you at Buffy’s house then.” Xander said as he walked over to his car. Willow nodded her head and got into Giles’ car. I heard Xander unlock his door and open it. I waved off every one in Giles’ car and then got into Xander’s car.

“That was fun wasn’t it?” Xander asked after I got into the car and closed the door.

“Yeah, it was nice. I haven’t been to one of them since…..well since a very long time.” I replied. Xander didn’t push it any further.

“Right well…..” He paused, staring out the window for a brief moment before he put the key in the ignition.

“…..Lets get going.” He started up the car and we were on our way. I reached over and turned on the radio. Some new pop song was on. Xander and I giggled and started singing along to it. We were about a block away from home before Xander turned to me.

“Buffy, I need to quickly go down to the Mall. I need to pick up something. You don’t mind do you?” He asked.

“Nope, go ahead. I only have to patrol tonight but that isn’t until later.” Xander smiled.

“Thanks Buff.” He skilfully turned the car around towards the direction of the mall. It didn’t take us long to get there as there was no traffic anywhere. As we pulled in I saw a man in a uniform pulling down the metal roller door to the entrance of the mall. Xander saw it too.

“Damn.” I heard Xander curse.

“Well there goes that idea.” He turned the car around and headed back to my house. We pulled up out the front. That was odd. No one was there. All the lights were off.

“Looks like they’re not back yet. Wonder what is keeping them?” I said allowed.

“Properly had to stop because Andrew was sick.” Xander giggled. I nodded my head in agreement.

“God, lets go inside, I need to eat, cotton candy isn’t exactly a food.” I grinned and started up the path to the door. I grabbed my keys out of my purse and unlocked the door. I felt for the light switch. I found it and flicked it on.

“SURPRISE!!!!!!!” I almost jumped out of my skin. There stood everyone Dawn, Willow, Kennedy, Andrew and Giles all wearing silly party hats and grinning. Xander walked up behind me and popped a party hat on me. He already had one on.

“Happy birthday to you…..” they all sung off key. I started laughing.

“OH my GOD! Are you serious? I thought I told you not to do anything for my birthday??”

“Yeah well it doesn’t work like that does it?” Dawn said.

“I am so going to kill you.” I laughed at her. Dawn held her hands up defensively.

“Hey if you want to kill anyone, kill Willow. It was all her idea.” I got it then. Willow dashing off quickly, Giles being extra busy then normal, Dawn going to Willow’s and Kennedy’s all the time, Andrew avoiding me and Xander stalling me. It all made sense.

“Your all dead.” I tried to say as seriously as I could. I burst out laughing.

“Thank you though….I really needed this.”

“Come on lets eat, this food isn’t going to eat itself you know.” Andrew quipped. We all headed to the dining table were I saw it was beautifully layed out with food. I let out a gasp.

“Oh, whow! Who did all of this?” I asked no one in particular.

“Andrew and Willow mostly. But I helped too.” Dawn piped up.

“Hope you like it Buffy.” Willow responded.

“Yeah, hope you like it.” Andrew echoed. I sat down with everyone and we all started eating. By the end of the night I was so full I could hardly move. I thanked everyone again as they left. As Andrew left he said.

“Enjoy your birthday Buffy. Oh and don’t forget to check your bed.”

“My bed?” I asked. He just smiled and walked out the front door. Kennedy walked towards me with Willow in tow. She lent over and gave me a hug.

“Have the night off Buffy. I will cover for you.”

“Thank you.” Willow hugged me next.

“Yeah, have a rest you earned it Buff.” She grinned at me.

“Happy birthday.” They chorused. The pair walked out the door. I closed it behind them. Xander, Giles and Dawn were in the kitchen. Xander and Giles were doing the dishes while Dawn was making conversation. She was telling them about something that happened while they were at the carnival.

“I’m going to bed. I’m beat.” I told them.

“Night.” They all chorused.
I headed up the stairs and went straight to my room. I switched on the light. There was something sitting on my bed. It looked like a video tape. I went over and picked it up. It had a note in it.

Dear Buffy,

I don’t know how to bring him back although we all have tried to find away. I remembered I still had this.
It’s that annoying video I was making back in Sunnydale. There is something on here that I thought you should see. To help you remember him. I haven’t edited it. It is everything I taped. I thought that you needed the tape more then me. So Happy Birthday. I wish I could of made it better for you.

Andrew.

I took the video out of its case and put it into the VCR that I had in my room. I flicked on the TV and watched the footage. The first it was mostly about the potential slayers and me going on with my annoying, long winded speeches. Then suddenly Spikes face came onto the screen. He was trying to act all tough and marcho. I heard Andrew say something about the lighting wasn’t right and Spike did his little skit again. I felt tears falling down my face. It then cut to a scene with Xander and Anya talking about why when they were together things didn’t work out. Xander had both of his eyes in this clip. I cried harder, remembering both of them. I then rewound the tape back to Spike and watched it again. I then flicked off the TV and sunk into my bed. I soon slipped into a dreamless slumber.

The rest of the week went pretty slow, Kennedy and I done our patrols and Giles started to train a few more of the slayers. Dawn, Andrew and Xander went back to the carnival twice more and from what Dawn told me, Andrew was still throwing up on some ride no matter how many times he went on it. I decided to keep the tape to myself, it would of only upset Dawn if she seen it. I managed to pull Andrew aside to thank him, he only blushed and told me it was nothing.

Friday finally came around. I had gone past the mechanic shop Angel had told me about a few times on patrol during the week and I had found it was closed up tight. However, tonight was different, there was a light on in the back of the work area. I steered Kennedy away from the area, I wanted to see this Jack fella alone. Kennedy and I managed to find a few vampires and killed them with ease. I suggested to her that we should call it a night.

“Sounds good Buffy. I wouldn’t mind spending some time with Willow. You know, girl stuff.” I smiled at her.

“Go ahead, really I don’t mind. I might do one more quick sweep before I go home and pack it in.” I saw Kennedy shot me a funny look.

“Kennedy, I will be fine!” She finally relented.

“Ok, I will see you tomorrow.” She handed me her stake and headed into the direction of her house. When I was sure she was gone, I turned myself into the direction of Jack’s Mechanic shop. It didn’t take me long to get there. The light was still on which was a bonus. I took a quick look around and seeing no one, I knocked on the door. The door clanged as I knocked on it. I heard a shuffling sound coming from inside and then a lock sliding open.

“Who’z that knockin’ on my door?” Came a husky male voice. Before I could answer, the door opened and there stood a middle aged man with short brown hair. I saw him look me once over.

“You must be Buffy. Come in.” He gestured his arm to wave me inside and stepped behind the door to let me in. I stepped inside and I saw Jack give me a faint smile. The place smelt strongly of motor oil and I wrinkled my nose up in disgust. Jack didn’t seem to notice. Instead he closed the front door, locked it and started to the back of his shed.

“Angel told me to expect you. He told me that you wanted some information on a particular amulet.” He sat down on a stool near the work bench and gestured me to sit on the one next to him. I quickly sat down, making myself comfortable. I heard Jack clear his throat.

“The information that you seek is close to your grasp…… If you make the right decision things will go as destiny planned it.”

“What do you mean the right decision?” I saw Jack reach down and open a draw. He seemed to take something out before closing it again. His eyes locked into mine.

“Are you sure that this is what you want?”

“What I want?” I asked confused.

“To know about what I can tell you.” I rolled my eyes.

“Well duh……that’s why I am here ain’t I?”

“Very well.” He brought his hand up onto the bench and let go of what he held in his hand. I gasped as I looked on.

“Is that……” I couldn’t even bring myself to say the rest of the sentence.

“…..it is the amulet.” Jack ended.

“Where did you get that?” I could feel my eyes welling up with tears remembering what happened that day.

“It doesn’t matter where I got it the important thing is what you are going to do with it.” I suddenly had an impulsive urge to reach over and pick it up. As the amulet connected with my fingers it started glowing. Whoh! Intense.

“Use it wisely.” Jack told me before he slid off his chair and walked out of the room. He turned back.

“You can see yourself out I presume.” He walked into one of the back rooms. I couldn’t believe it. Here I had the amulet….the very amulet that took Spike away from us all. I sighed.

“I wish Spike was alive.” No sooner as the words were out of my mouth, the amulet started to grow hot in my hands. The light got brighter until it was blinding, then suddenly, it went dull. The stone in the amulet went cold. I looked around. Nothing.

“Stupid thing.” I threw the amulet into the junk that was piled up in one of the corners of the shop. I jumped off my stool and left, heading for home. I knew I shouldn’t of done this. I stormed out the front door, slamming it a little too hard. Too bad. I was so mad and there was nothing I could do to make it go away. I decided to go home and go to bed. In no time I was home. I opened the front door and crept in. All the lights where off so that was a good sign. I crept up the stairs to my room. So far so good. I opened my bedroom door and flicked on the light. Time for bed. I stripped off my jacket and clothes and put on my pj’s on. I reached over and flicked the light off and climbed into bed. No sooner did my head seem to hit the pillow I was asleep and I started dreaming.

It was a lovely day, the sun was shining brightly. I was standing in the rumble of Sunnydale. There was a figure standing in the distance and I squinted to see. I felt my heart learch as the figure started towards me. That hair, those clothes. I knew them they were…it was SPIKE!! He was smiling at me, walking towards me. In the daylight, in the sunlight. He walked up and touched my face…

“Buffy! Buffy.” Great, I opened my eyes and saw my sister shaking me.

Buffy, you have to get up.” I sat up and rubbed my eyes, the dream of Spike still lingering in her mind.

“Why?”

“Coz you have to take me to school. Xander just rang and he can’t take me. Plus I missed the bus.” Dawn smiled sheepishly.

“So, please??” I grunted at her and swung my legs out of bed. Little did I know then, but things were about to change. I had no idea of what I had done.


TO BE CONTINUED......

The Journey
(Chapter 2)

One minute I was floating in nothingness, actually feeling bloodily good about what I had achieved and then, suddenly, I felt myself being put back together, particle by particle, piece by piece, until I stood in the very place I had been dusted in. Yeah I was back in Sunnydale, the Hell mouth, or what was left of it. I looked around, not knowing quite how I had gotten there. Nothing was where I remembered it. Nothing was anywhere in fact. I was standing in the middle of a crater with nothing but rubble around me. I smiled. I really did take this place down with me. I knew that Buffy had gotten out, her, the Niblet and the rest of them. They were safe, not living too far away in fact. That I knew for sure. Why I knew this information I didn’t know for certain. Damn, it was getting hot. I looked up. The sun…..Oh bloodily hell! The sun! I looked around for something, anything to hide under but there was nothing. Then I realised something. I wasn’t burning, in fact I was lightly sweating. That was something you did if you were human, not a vampire. I put my hand to my chest. Boom boom, boom boom. Oh bollocks! This had to be some kind of mistake, a glitch maybe. I knew who would have the answers for me. Angel. So I started off in the direction of LA, hoping that he would have the answers I seeked.

It took me till the sun was low on the horizon to get to the edge of the crater. Of course it wouldn’t of taken me that long if I hadn’t stumbled apon the rubble of the old Revello Drive residence. All that existed of the place was the upper floor not that it was in the best shape. I stepped into the window that uses to be Buffy’s room. Sleeping bags and pillows were scattered through the room. But that wasn’t the worst of it. The walls had cracks in them that you could see out of, everything smelled damp and dirty. I walked over to the chest of drawers and opened the top one. There was an assortment of underwear and socks and a book. I reached in and retrieved it and opened the front cover. It was a photo album and it had everyone in it I realised. Pictures of Peaches (shudder) and Oz and oh look at that even one of Captain Cardboard. There were a ton of pics of the witch and builder boy and of the Niblet. And were pictures of their mom too. I knew none of them even had a chance to grab anything before the whole of this place came crumbling down. I should take this and give it to her and maybe some of the Niblet’s stuff too. I pulled open the closet and pulled out one of Buffy’s bags. It was brown leather, soft like a basket ball bag. I undone the zipper and shoved the photo album inside and then dumped the bag on Buffy’s bed. Hmmm, I wonder what else is here that I could grab. I walked out the door and into the hall. I walked up to Dawn’s door but it was closed. Always modest the Niblet was. I turned the handle and tried to open the door. It was jammed. I decided to shove the door with my shoulder. That was effective. The door swung open to expose the room. Leaves and personal belongings littered the floor. It was truly an awful sight. Her diary’s were scattered all over the floor, most of them water damaged. Bugger. There goes that idea. The side of the doona of the bed was flicked up. I grabbed it and yanked it off. I could see a small box not much bigger then a shoe box. I grabbed it and took a peek inside.

Inside there was things of everybody that the Bit had ever been close to. I could see there were earrings of Tara’s that she loved and a picture of herself with Tara. There was stuff in there of her mother and Buffy as well and there was my BLOODY zippo!! I wondered where that had got to after I came back from getting my soul. I shut the lid and smiled. Let the Bit have it. I don’t need it anymore. I grabbed a few clothes that I knew Dawnie loved and went back to Buffy’s room. I decided to grab the brown and black leather jackets of Buffy’s as well. I shoved everything in the bag and zipped it up.

“Goodbye Sunnydale.” I grabbed the bag and started my way to the edge of the crater.

I was never more thankful then I was when I reached the edge of that crater. It was starting to get dark as I walked up the road. I had noticed, with some glee that the famous ‘Welcome to Sunnydale’ sign had fallen. Then I saw it. There was Peaches, standing there next to a beautiful black Cadillac.

“Took you long enough Spike. Thought you would have been here ages ago.”

“I took a bloody pit stop ok. Anyway how did you know I was here?”

“The Powers That Be told me. Now get in the car.” It wasn’t a request I decided. I walked around to the passenger side door, opened the door and got in. I heard Peaches slump into the driver’s seat. I settled the bag between my legs.

“Now be a good boy and put your seatbelt on.” The bastard was mocking me!! I obeyed his request however, a little frightened of what could happen if we crashed now I was human and all. I heard Peaches click in his seatbelt too before he let the engine roared to life. We didn’t exchange any words back to L.A. Just sat in silence. I watched all the scenery fly by the window as if I was in some dream. All too soon I felt the car jerk to a stop and I felt by body slam against the restraint of the seat belt.

“Bloody Hell!! Would u…” I looked up not realising that we were parked in a garage.

“Come on, time to come and meet the team.” Peaches voice seemed to be soft. He opened the door and stepped out of the car. I followed his lead, grabbing Buffy’s bag and then shut the door.

“This way.” Angel motioned towards a door that was not too far from where the car was parked. As we got closer I realised that it was in fact an elevator. The door opened and Angel gestured me to step inside. To be honest I didn’t want to but I did anyway. My bloody heart was pounding a million miles an hour and I could hear my breath getting shorter and shorter. I always had a bad thing with small spaces. I know its ironic since I am a vampire, well was a vampire but still. I heard the elevator ding and the doors slid open. I couldn’t move out it fast enough. I was gripping the bag so tightly my knuckles had gone white.

“Next time I will take the stairs.” I murmured.

“Enjoy the 20 story walk.” Angel replied.

“Bullocks.” I cursed. Angel walked towards the front desk. I didn’t move. I was in awe of the floor I was on. Wolfram and Hart. So this is it. Nice, well decorated. Looked evil.

“Spike.” I heard Angel’s impatient voice penetrate my thoughts. I looked up at him, not sure of what I should do.

“You coming?” I shrugged my shoulders and followed him into the doorway he had entered. It was a very spacious office area. I could see that it was nicely furnished and I saw that Peaches had a beautiful assortment of weapons behind the huge oak desk at the far end of the office. Nice.

“Please take a seat.” Angel gestured towards the lounge chairs nearest to the door. I obliged, sinking into the closest one, enjoying the feel of the soft suede. I heard Angel pick up the phone.

“Harmony, send them in.” Oh bullocks! Not Harmony! That is the last bloody person I wanted to see.

“Righty-O boss.” Her voice rang over the phone speaker like one of those mega-phones. Angel hung up the phone and started to drum his fingers on the seat. Then, the doors burst open and two men, a woman and a green demon thing walked though.

“You called for us Angel-cakes?” The green demon asked. Angel stood. I felt the four of them staring at me. Hey wasn’t that a watcher? Egh what’s his name?

“Yeah everyone this is…”

“…Spike, or William the Bloody as he was most commonly known back in the day. Yes I know who he is Angel. Why is he here?” The watcher spoke, looking at me with hatred in his eyes. Hey I’ve changed you know! Saved the world and all!

“Wesley.” Angel seemed to scold the man with his eyes. He backed down however, and for that I was grateful. I was in no mood to argue.

“This is Spike?” The woman asked. She looked at me with interest.

“Yeas as I was saying this is Spike. Spike meet Fred, Gunn, Lorne and you already know Wesley I gather.” Nice. Angel’s super team. Lucky me.

“So where is whats-her-face….Cordelia?” I noticed all the faces sink to frowns.

“Cordelia is in a coma. She’s in a special Wolfram and Hart hospital.” The young woman known to me now as Fred smiled at me. It seemed to be concerned and worried but warm and inviting at the same time. There was an awkward silence. I could hear Peaches strumming his fingers on his desk again. It was getting really annoying.

“Fred, I want you to take Spike to the lab and test everything.”

“Everything?”

“Yes, everything that can be medically done I want a result for it. Call me when you’re done. The rest of you get back on the case of that young woman.” The gang went to leave.

“Lorne?”

“Yes?”

“I will need you to read Spike later. Can I get you to do it after Fred has finished testing him?” The demon smiled.

“Sure thing Angel-cakes. I got to go down to a source downtown for some information first though.”

“Fine fine.” The demon left the room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

“You coming?” I looked up to see Fred standing right in front of me.

“Um, yeah sure.” I shook my head and stood. I glanced over at Angel who had turned to face the window. He looked as though he was deep in thought about something.

“This way Spike.” I heard Fred call, she was standing in front of the door. I bent down and picked up my bag and followed her out the door. As I walked out I glanced over at the reception desk. No one there. Good, I can face her later. I followed Fred up the stairs and through a number of corridors, it seemed to go on forever. Finally I could see the door to the lab. We stepped inside and Fred turned to me and smiled.

“Welcome to my home away from home.” She giggled nervously. She walked over to a nearby table and picked up a clipboard which she started to examine. I let my eyes scan the facility. It seemed as though I was in another world. Science equipment and scientists everywhere I looked.

“Whoh.” I sighed under my breath. A man that looked in his mid twenties walked up beside Fred. He was holding a clipboard tightly in one hand and was breathing kind of shallow. Light beads of sweat dotted his forehead. Oh bollocks, I wonder if the poor girl knew, or even noticed for that matter. This guy has the serious gee-jones for her.

“Hel….hello Fred.” The man stuttered out. Fred spun around on her heels to face the man.

“OH! Knocks. You startled me!” Fred’s hand flew to her chest.

“Sorry…sorry. I have the results for….”

”Oh Knocks not now. We have a guest.” Fred retorted at him. The man named Knocks looked at Fred a bit startled. I saw him glance at me as if seeing me for the first time.

“Hi.” He smiled politely. I smiled back and glanced around the room again.

“So…where do I sit?” I asked Fred. I would do anything to get out of this awkward situation.

“What? Um…right over here. Knocks can you get onto … whatever you can find to do.” Fred guided me up a flight of stairs and into a room that was filled with a desk, chair and shelves filled with books and scientific equipment.

“Welcome to my office.” She smiled.

“Cosy.” I wasn’t in the mood for chit-chat. I wanted to know why Angel had sent me with this science-nerd. What tests he wanted me to have. She must have sensed of my discomfort.

“Spike, just take a seat and I will just grab the things I need to do…test you…back in a minute.” She hurried out the door, letting it close behind her with a soft thud. Great. I’m about to be poked and prodded. Why did I come here? Just then I remembered that I was still holding onto Buffy’s bag. I lifted it up and placed it on the desk. I gently unzipped the zip on top and peered inside. Everything was still there, just the way I packed it. I ran my hand over Buffy’s black leather jacket, remembering how she looked in it. Suddenly the door slammed shut. I whirled around, instinctively grabbing the bag as I did so. It was Fred. She was standing in the doorway with a tray filled with an assortment of medical supplies.

“Oh its you.” I turned back around and placed the bag back on the table.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. I have everything that I need to complete the first set of tests.”

“Right…lucky me.” I zipped up the bag and turned to face her.

“Can we get started.” I realised it came out more of a demand then a question. I finally slumped down into the chair. I saw Fred inhale deeply before she walked over to me and placed the tray on the table.

“Ok. Just tell me if it gets too much and we will stop ok?”

“Just get on with it.”

I spent the rest of the day in Fred’s office only leaving to use the bathroom. (It felt strange to be using a toilet again after all this time.) and to have a bite to eat and a drink. By the time Fred told me that we were going back down to Angel’s office, the sun was setting. I was so exhausted from all the testing that Fred had done I didn’t even see Harmony until it was too late. Bugger.

“Spikey is that you? Oh my God! SPIKE!!” She ran out from behind her desk and straight towards me. I held my hands up to shield myself from her impact. However, it never came. I lowered my arms and peered over them. Harmony had stopped about a metre in front of me, her face filled with disgust.

“Egh! You smell like her…and…and how revolting! I knew it!” She spun on her heels and stormed back to her desk. Just then I realised what had saved me. Buffy’s bag. Thank god. I quickly caught up to Fred who was just walking into Angel’s office. He was sitting at his desk as if he was expecting us.

“Everything is normal Boss. No mystical, magicial or black arts involved.” Angel seemed indifferent to this information. He reached to his phone.

“Harmony…page Lorne. Tell him I need to see him now.” Oh hell no! Not bloody more tests.

“Umm Angel, sorry to bust your bubble and all but I’m really not in the mood for a coom-bye-arh right now.” I actually felt tired. Getting use to this being human thing again was hard.

“Is there somewhere I can lay down and….” I felt my mouth open and I felt myself yawn. I slumped down into the nearest chair.

“Angel, he’s tired…let him get some sleep.” Fred coached.

”Right…fine…” Angel pressed a button on the telephone.

“Harmony…” No answer.

“HARMONY!!”

“Yes boss.” Her voice came across as a high pitched squeal.

“Arrange a room for Spike.”

“Okey-dokey boss.” Just then, Lorne came strolling into the office.

“What is it Angel-cakes? Harm said it was urgent…Whoh Spike honey you are in desperate calling of a visit to sleepy-land.” Yeah and didn’t I know it!

“Well, I was going to get you to read Spike but since he wants to go to sleep….” I saw him glance at me before he continued.

“….I’ll get you to do it when he wakes up.” Just then, the telephone rang. Angel picked up the receiver.

“Thank you…mmmh….yes….I’ll send him up now…no that is all….you too.” He hung up the receiver.

“Spike your room is ready…Fred could you take him there?” I saw her smile at him.

“Sure.” She motioned to me to follow her. As I walked out of the office I brought Buffy’s bag close up to my chest. Soon I will join you. Soon I will feel your warmth again. Fred pressed the button to the elevator.

“There must be something very precious in that bag for you to be holding onto it the way you do.” I said nothing. Thankfully the doors soon opened and we both stepped in. I saw her press a number on the panel and the doors slid close. I let my body rest on the side of the elevator, letting my head hit the wall. I closed my eyes and listened to the motors whirl as we were lifted higher and higher. The elevator soon halted to a stop, and I snapped my eyes open. The doors slid effortlessly open and Fred stepped out onto the floor. I quickly scurried after her, almost tripping on the elevator.

“This way.” Fred walked off down the corridor, leaving me no choice but to follow her. After what seemed endless doors and corners, she stopped in front of a door. She tapped on the door twice, then twice again. The door opened to reveal an entrance area.

“Angel said that you should be comfortable in here. There is food in the fridge and hot water, oh and clean towels. There are even clothes in the closet. I’ll be back at 7am to escort you downstairs so you don’t get lost. The alarm is set to go off at 6:30am so you can get ready.” She moved away from the doorway, motioning me to walk in. I stepped in past the door and let my eyes wander over where I was to be staying.

“Bloodly hell.” I muttered. I felt like I had walked into a castle of some sort. The walls were a light marble colour and all the furniture was other a rich red or white. The curtains were drawn but I could see that it was still dark outside. I heard the door softly click close and finally I knew I was alone. I walked into the ‘apartment’ and placed the bag on the kitchen bench. The bed I noticed was located near the bathroom. Yeah a shower sounded good. I stripped off my jacket and placed it over Buffy’s bag. I kicked off my boots and pulled off the rest of my clothes and left them in a pile near the bench. I walked into the bathroom and was impressed by the size of the actual shower. Peaches really did have good taste when he wanted to. I turned the taps on and stepped under the inviting warm water, letting it sliver down my body. I put my head under the steady stream of water, feeling the water wetting my scalp. I reached towards the soap dish and picked up the soap, lathering and rinsing myself clean. Finally turning the shower off, I grabbed a towel. Giving myself a quick dry, I decided that I didn’t need clothes to sleep in and slumped onto the inviting bed. It was the last thing I remember.

The next few days were uneventful. Well not so much uneventful, more boring. Dawn was getting into the swing of being back to school and there seemed to be a few less vampires to kill. I desperately wanted to tell Willow about my dream about Spike but she was so caught up in a new spell she was researching for the witches coven in England I hardly saw her. Even Kennedy was feeling a little pushed aside. Of course in true Kennedy fashion due to her frustration, she was almost maiming the vampires before she finally finished them off. I think some of them actually begged her to stake them. Xander had been called to LA to work and Andrew was being plain annoying when I actually saw him. I still had a week to go on my holiday from work, so I decided instead of putting up with Andrew’s consistent whining I went to help Giles train the new Slayers. I tried to get Kennedy to come but she refused, crowds of teenage girls weren’t really her thing. I think she was secretly planning on how to distract Willow in any way she could so she could get a bit of attention.

The young Slayers training was going really well and I was quite impressed. I found myself getting more and more involved with them. Anything to keep my mind off Spike. I was strolling home when my mind started to wander. I was trying so hard to focus my energy some where else. Not to think of that dream, that amulet. The amulet!! I should have kept it. Maybe Willow could of….Damn; I have to get it back. A bus came hurdling past me to snap me out of my thoughts. Is that the time? Oh my god I have to get home to Dawn. Maybe I could swing past that mechanic place during patrol tonight. I managed to get home moments before Dawn’s bus got there. I rang Kennedy to see if she was coming out to patrol but she told me she had finally manage to convince Willow they needed some one on one time tonight. I told her that was totally cool, secretly thankful that she couldn’t come. All night I felt nervous, twitchy and on edge. Dawn seemed to notice too.

“You ok?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” I tried not to sound suspicious.

“You’re pacing. You only do that when you’re on edge.” Crap! Busted.

“Just a bit ansy about going on patrol tonight without Kennedy, it’s been a while is all. Nothing to worry about.” I saw Dawn raise her eyebrow.

“I’m fine!” I looked her straight in the eye, trying to convince her. God, I was trying to convince myself! I saw her squint at me, like she was trying to look though my lies and then she relaxed.

“That’s all it better be or else….”

“Or else what?” I taunted playfully.

“Just or else.” She smiled mischievously. Good old Summer’s charm. I glanced at the clock. Finally! I reached for my jacket and stakes that were on the table.

“You going already?” Dawn sulked.

“Yeah want to get the jump on them early tonight, don’t worry, Giles should be home soon.” I gave her a reassuring smile. “I promise we will sit down and eat ice cream and watch that show you like if I get home early enough ok?” Dawn’s brows seem to furrow for a minute but then relaxed.

“Sounds good.” Just then, the door opened and in came Giles. He looked exhausted. And my cue to leave.

“Gotta go; see you when I get home.” I kissed Dawn on the cheek and breezed past Giles before he could say a word.

“Hi Giles. Bye Giles.” Shutting the door behind me I heard Giles ask.

“Dawn can you put the kettle on, it’s been a very trying day.” Ha ha sucker Dawn!! I could just imagine Giles standing there, taking off his glasses and cleaning them as he said that.

I decided to go straight to the mechanic shop, no use bumbling around. As I approached I could see that the light was on. Thank god. I walked to the door and banged on the steel. Jack opened the door but he didn’t look at all surprised to see me standing there.

“You forget something?” He queried.

“You could say that.” He outstretched his hand to me. He was holding the amulet. I put my hand out to grab it when he stopped me.

“Don’t lose it.” He dropped it in my hand and shut the door.

“What?? Umm, thank you.” I was stunned. He just shut the door on me! What an arse! Talk about rude. I felt like going in there and….and…. Instead I looked down at the amulet. It was the same as I left it. It looked….it looked empty. I shoved it into my pocket and headed to the nearest cemetery. Time to kick some vampire butt.

Time seemed to fly by so fast in fact that I didn’t realise it was almost midnight till I glanced at the town’s clock tower after killing my 10th vamp for the night. As usual there wasn’t many around. I decided to swing past Willow’s to say hey. Kennedy had said something about having a late one. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if I came over to say hello. After all I hadn’t seen Willow all week and I just felt as though I had to talk to some one. Kennedy would understand. If I could just make sense of that dream of Spike….

“Hey Buffy watch’ca doin?” I almost jumped out of my skin! My eyes shot up.

“Hey Will, what you doing out here?”

“Was coming to see you funny enough, thought you might need some bestie time.” You could say that again.

“That would be great. You house or mine?” Willow’s brow furrowed for a minute, thinking.

“Well…” She drew out. “We could go back to my house if you want. Kennedy is there but she is asleep. I was kinda looking forward to getting out of the house….” So her house is out and I don’t want to go home to mine, too many people there.

“How bout we pop down to that all nighter coffee diner? You know the one near the mall? Should be quiet about this time of night.”

“Sure.” We turned towards the diner and started walking. I realised how much I missed doing this. Just chillin, hanging with my best friend. There just didn’t seem to be time these days. Too many other things to fill the day. The simple things forgotten.

“So Will, what’ca been working on?”

For the rest of the walk to the diner, Willow told me about what she had been working on with the coven. Walking into the diner, her voice stilled and we both took a seat at one of the free booths. No sooner where we seated when a middle aged plump woman wearing a lime green dress with a white belt walked up to us with a note pad and pen.

“What can I get you two girls this evening?” Her accent was thick for the area and I couldn’t help but smile. I noticed that her brown hair was pinned up in a bun and she looked very tired.

“Just two flat white’s thanks.” I answered her. I looked at her name tag. “Doris.” I saw the woman scribble on her notepad.

“Be ready in a few minutes.” With that she walked off back behind the counter.

“Will, I need to tell you something.”

“Hmm?” Her eyes sparked with interest.

“I had a dream….a dream about Spike.” Willow looked at me with scepticism written on her face. I took a deep breath remembering the dream….that wonderful dream.

“I was standing in Sunnydale, or what’s left of Sunnydale anyway and Spike was there, standing in the sunlight….” I gushed out. Willow was still looking at me blankly. I glanced out the window, watching the traffic on the near by road.

“Here you go, two flat white’s.” I heard the cups clunk on the tabletop as the woman put them down. “Just pay as you leave.” I turned back just in time to see Doris place a piece of paper in the middle of the table and walk away. I pulled my cup towards me and after placing two sugars in my coffee I took the spoon and slowly started to stir.

“Will, I want to know what it means.” I dropped the spoon on the table and cupped my cup with my hands. I could feel the warmth of the hot liquid on my hands though the cup. It felt comforting. I looked up at Willow who again looked like she was deep in thought.

“Maybe it means he is at peace.” She said quietly.

“It felt more then that Will, it felt so real. Like a slayer dream. I can’t describe it. But it felt as though he was there, here.” I could feel myself pushing, trying to make her believe what I felt. I saw her look down into her cup and sigh.

“I don’t know what to say Buffy. It’s a dream, it could mean anything.” She looked up at me.

“Anything.”

“I can’t….I don’t….what can I do?” I stammered. Reaching for something, anything. I took a sip of my drink, feeling the hot liquid run down my throat as I swallowed.

“Hold on to it, maybe it might mean something. Tell me if you have another dream. There might be a connection.” She smiled at me warmly. She reached over and placed her hand on mine.

“Don’t get your hopes up though. I don’t want to see you fall again.” I dumbly nodded my head, knowing what she meant. It was no secret I was a mess after Spike died and I knew she didn’t want to see me there again. There was a hushed silence between the two of us for a long moment before I spoke.

“I won’t, I promise.” I smiled at her, trying to reassure her that I was ok. Her smile back told me she believed me.

“Now tell me, how’s Kennedy been?”

The next half an hour consisted of catching up on everything else that had been happening and we managed to drink our coffees without them going cold. Just as we were about to leave an ugly looking two horned demon slandered into the place. He looked pissed too. He walked up to the counter to the waiter who had served us.

“Gimme ya money…NOW!” Doris looked absolutely petrified and almost fell over to reach for the till. Not now did it really have to be now? Ah well they never sleep. I glanced at Willow before I stood up.

“Oi, ugly.” The revolting beast swung around and faced me.

“That’s not really polite…you forgot to use your manners.” He roared at her in anger. Ha, I remember this demon, killed one back in Sunnydale with Spike. Easy as pie. I stepped forward out of the booth.

“Slayer…” He snarled.

“Yay you get the gold star for today!” I ran at him and planted a roundhouse kick to his side and followed though with two punches to the face. Stunned he stumbled back and I seized my chance. Grabbing the stainless steel knife off the bench I kicked him again, this time in the general area of the stomach. The demon roared in anger again and tried to lunge at me but I was ready for him. I stepped to the side and stuck out my foot causing the demon to trip over and fall flat on his face.

“Say goodnight.” I rammed the knife into the back of his head, being careful not to get any of his body fluids on me. I heard the demon gasp and then his head dropped, dead.
I looked up at the stunned waitress and shrugged my shoulders.

“Sorry bout the mess.” I grabbed the demon by the leg and dragged it outside, hiding it behind the large bin before going back inside. When I came back in the woman was still in shock, but Willow was there talking to her, calming her down. When she seen me however she smiled.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

“Hey no prob, it’s what I do.” I went to reach for my wallet. I saw the Doris shake her head.

“Coffee’s on the house luv.”

“Ok, thanks.”

“Feel free to come back anytime.”

After Willow made sure the woman was ok, we decided to go home, taking our separate ways. I walked in the door exhausted from, well everything. Thankfully, the TV was off and I could see a soft glow from Dawn’s bedroom which meant she was in bed. Yay me. I trudged up the stairs and headed straight for my bed. Nothing was gunna keep me from it. I tugged off my clothes and quickly put on my pj’s. I laid down on my pillow and it felt as no sooner then I did, I was asleep.

“How you feeling luv?” Spike purred into my ear. His eyes so soft, so warm, like the sun we were standing in.
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too pet.”
“Why did you have to go?”
“But I didn’t go.” I looked at him, confused. I wanted to ask more questions, I wanted more answers. But he held his finger to my lips oh so softly. His touch was almost electric. He looked deep into my eyes.
“I love you.” He whispered.

I sat up with a start. Damn sun! It was shining in my eyes. I threw the covers off and got out of bed. All seemed quiet…I glanced at the clock. No wonder its 10:30! I cursed myself and headed for the shower. Turning the water on, I slipped out of my clothes and let the water run till it was to my liking and got in. Mmm, that felt good. I slid down to the bottom of the shower. What did it mean? I didn’t go? That just doesn’t make any sense. He looked and felt so warm. What does it mean? What can I do? Is he lost? Agh! So many questions, not enough answers. I gotta research it. Giles will know what to do. I stood up and quickly and washed myself and got out. I got to find out now.

Just as I was about to step out of the house I heard the phone ring. Dashing back inside, I managed to pick up the phone in time.

“Hello?”

“Hey Buffy, its Cythia from work. Was just ringing up to let you know the new roster is up if you wanted to swing by and find out your hours.” Ah crap work.

“Yeah thanks. I will try and call in today some time.” Egh.

“That would be great! Can’t wait to have you back, been missing you.”

“Really? How sweet! Listen, I gotta go, I have a few things I got to get on top of. Might see you later when I call in?”

“For sure! I’m here till close.”

“Great catch you then!” I hung up the phone. Gotta get to Giles. I grabbed my bag and practically flew out the door. I decided it would be quicker to just walk, well run. Within 5 mins I was standing out the front of Giles’ ‘office’ trying to plan out what I could say. Taking a deep breath I pushed open the door. The bell jangled as the door opened. I peered in to see Giles, sitting off to the left at a wooden desk, books piled high and his head buried in a book.

“Hey Giles.” I saw him snap his head up from the text and smile. I stepped inside, letting the door close behind me.

“Buffy.” I walked over to him. “What can I do for you today?”

“I was actually wondering if I could do some research.” Giles arched his brow. I knew what he was thinking, Buffy, research?

“On the amulet that Spike was wearing before the Hellmouth ate itself. I want to see if there is more to it.” Giles was staring at me with interest but also with confusion.

“Buffy, what has brought this on?”

“Nothing.” I answered meekly. “Just want to satisfy an itch is all. Curiosity for knowledge and all that.” He didn’t seem convinced but motioned towards the back of the office.

“The few books I have on things like that are back there.” He looked at me intensely.

“Buffy, don’t get your hopes up.”

“Giles its just research.” I walked down to where Giles had motioned and pulled the books off the shelves. Settling myself in the comfy chair in the second office, I started to read.

Several hours later and I still had come up with nothing, much to my disappointment. Some of the text referred to the amulet of having purifying powers, a cleansing power (possibly scrubbing bubbles Angel had said when he gave it to me) while others referred to the amulet bestowing strength on the right person who wore it, a champion. But this we all knew all ready. Agh! Talk about frustrating. I decided to swing by work, it was getting late. Thankfully Dawn was sleeping over a friend’s tonight so I didn’t have to get home to her. I strolled to the front of the shop; Giles looked as though he hadn’t moved an inch in the whole time I had been there.

“Umm, Giles?”

“Hmm?” He said not looking up.

“I’m gunna go. Work called earlier and I have to go and pick up my roster. See you at home yeah?”

“Yeah, Buffy, sure. See you at home.” The British man shifted in his seat, but never moved his eyes off the book. I shook my head. No doubt he will be here for hours yet. Reading those books, searching for endless knowledge on what he was looking for. Knowing he probably wouldn’t be home for dinner and eating Chinese take out again, I sighed and walked out the door and headed in the direction of work.

Walking in to the clothes shop, I could see Cythia serving a customer, so I took the time to browse around the shop to see what was new. There were some pretty patterned shirts in and a gorgeous plaid skirt that I knew I had to get. I heard the familiar ding of the cash register and I strolled over that way, knowing that the sale was almost though.

“Hey Cythia.” I smiled as the customer walked out the door. Cythia turned around, beaming almost.

“Buffy! How wonderful to see you!” She raced over and gave her a fierce hug. Releasing her she stood back and looked at her.

“You must be here for your roster. Here, it’s all ready to go.” She handed me a piece of paper off the counter.

“Ah thanks.” I folded the piece of paper and put it into my back pocket. Just then, by cell rang. I jumped before I reached into my pocket. It was Willow.

“Ah, I really have to take this. Sorry Cyn. See you soon.” I gave her a small wave before I stroll out of the shop. Pressing accept on my phone, I put the phone to my ear.

“Hey Will, what’cha doing?”

“Hey Buffy, was wondering if I could come over.”

“Is everything ok Will?”

“Yeah yeah. I was actually thinking about what you were telling me about that dream. Plus Giles called to tell me you had been researching the amulet.” Bloody Giles!

“Oh, and he wanted me to tell you he won’t be home tonight.” So why didn’t he just tell me?

“Yeah it’s cool, what time? I was thinking of having takeout anyway.”

“I was actually thinking of heading over soon. Where are you anyway?”

“Just on my way home, had to call into work to get the new roster. Talk about reminding me that my holiday is almost over.” I heard Willow give a little giggle.

“Be over soon ok?”

“Ok.” I hung up and shoved the phone back into my pocket. Time to go home. I took up a brisk pace, deciding to walk rather then run. I got home in plenty of time and even managed to have the Chinese waiting to be eaten before Willow came bursting though the front door. She looked flustered.

“Sorry I’m late.”

“Mmh, figured something was up. What happened?” Willow ran her though her hair before she continued.

“Traffic mostly. Some idiot not looking and ploughed straight into another car. But its ok, I’m fine and I’m here.” She shot me a smile.

“Mmm! Is that Chinese I smell? Yum!” She plonked herself down on the lounge chair next to me.

“Come on, let’s eat. I need to tell you something.” She raised her eyebrow at me as she reached for one of the boxes of food.

“I had another dream about Spike last night.” It came out almost in a whisper, like I was telling a secret. Willow’s mouth formed a small ‘O’ in surprise. I decided to elaborate.

“We were in Sunnydale, like before. Standing in the middle of the rubble. He asked how I was and I told him I missed him. He said he missed me too.” Willow nodded her head, urging me to continue. She was still sitting there with the container in her hand.

“I asked him why he had to go and he said he didn’t. Will, what does that mean?” I saw Willow frown and sit back with the container of food. Opening it slowing she looked deep in thought.

“I don’t know. If I had something that was linked to him maybe I could do a spell…” The amulet! I put my hand in my pocket and drew it out. I hadn’t let it out of my sight since getting it back from Jack.

“Would this help?” Willow stared at the amulet in total shock.

“Where did you get that Buffy? OMG! Where did you get that?” Willow looked totally freaked, like she had seen a ghost. I couldn’t blame her though; it would be like seeing a ghost.

“In short Angel and Wolfram and Hart. But when I got it, it did this cool glowy thing and then it’s been like this ever since.”

“And that is why you were researching the amulet today.” Willow confirmed. I think it was for herself more than anything.

“Yeah and didn’t come up with anything new. It was all the stuff we already knew.” I meekly passed it to her; she seemed reluctant to take it at first.

“Can you see, feel if he is in there Will? Please? Maybe there is something there.” I looked at her pleading for her to give me something, anything. Moving the amulet around in her hand, she looked at it thoughtfully.

“I might be able to do a simple detection spell. You know, to see if he is in here.” Willow held up the amulet by the chain and it spun gently back and forth. I chuckled, getting imagery of Spike sitting inside the amulet’s stone, all curled up.

“Thank you Will. I knew I could rely on you. But lets eat first or this is all gunna be cold.” Willow handed the amulet back to me and I quickly put it back in my pocket. I looked over at Willow, who was already eating out of the container she had in her hands. Smiling I joined her, reaching for the nearest box. We sat, eating in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, it was nice. Little did I realise, it was the calm before the storm.

After we had cleaned up, Willow had managed to find the things she needed for the spell in the pantry with little effort. I had learnt from living with Willow that it was always handy to have the simple stuff tucked away in the pantry for emergencies. I watched her carefully lay out everything on the coffee table. She could be so matriculate sometimes.

“Buffy, I need the amulet.” Fumbling, I pulled the amulet out of my pocket. I held it in my hands and studied it closely, looking into it one last time. Sighing, I handed it to Willow. I watched her place it in the centre of the things on the table before she begun.

I watched on as Willow opened the circle and thanked the gods for guiding her. She did this quickly and effortlessly. Suddenly she started chanting.

Keeper of what disappears,
Hear me now -- open your ears.
Find for me what I now seek,
By Moon, Sun, Earth, Air, Fire and Sea.

Help me see, help me hear.
Help me see inside this object now.

I watched on as Willow concentrated on the amulet, holding my breath without even realizing it. I heard her then thank the gods and close the circle before I finally exhaled.

“Blessed be.” Willow whispered as she blew out the candle. I could feel my stomach churning with anticipation, wanting to know what she had discovered. She finally turned to me with a grim expression on her face.

“Buffy, I think you should sit down.” She said in a quiet voice. This didn’t sound good at all. I found the nearest chair. Sitting on the edge I waited for my friend to continue.

“Buffy, I’m sorry but he’s not there.”

Sure enough just as promised, the alarm buzzed in my ear at 6:30am. Damn! Rolling over I hit the snooze button, ignoring the inevitable, knowing that I had to hall my arse out of bed and get dressed sooner rather then later. Looking across to the table I was relieved to see that everything was where I left it the night before. I closed my eyes, picturing her, her smile, her eyes…..

“Beep, beep, beep, beep.” Stupid alarm! Reaching over I flipped the off switch and swung my self out of bed. I walked over to where I had left my clothes last night and quickly slipped them on. As I flicked the collar of my duster, a strange feeling emerged from my gut area and I recognised this immediately as hunger. Not too different from vampire hunger except the fact my stomach was making funny noises. Stepping into the kitchen I opened up the fridge and noticed that although there wasn’t much inside it, there was juice, an assortment of fruit and what looked like a microwave dinner. Egh. I took the juice and took a decent swig before grabbing an apple. I bit down on it, enjoying the way it crunched in my mouth. I don’t know how long I stood there with the fridge door wide open, crunching that apple in my mouth but I was interrupted by a soft tap on the door.

“Spike, are you ready?” It sounded like Fred. Crap. I half bit into the apple and holding it in my mouth I slammed the fridge door shut before I went to tug on my boots. I had almost had the first boot on when I heard the door click open. Whirling around in surprise, I lost my balance and fell flat on my butt. Pulling the boot all the way on, I heard a giggle and looked up. Fred was standing there, with her hands over her mouth.

“I am so sorry….” She gushed, her cheeks flushed red. I took the apple out of my mouth.

“Don’t be.” I spat out. I was more embarrassed then anything else.

“Come on, you got to have your reading with Lorne.” I half bit into my apple again and tugged on my other shoe. Standing up, I grabbed the bag on the table and took another bite of the apple.

“You can leave that here you know. It will be safe.”

“I would rather not.” I retorted between chews. I pulled the bag closer to myself, using it almost like a shield. Fred put her arms up in surrender.

“We must hurry or we are going to be late.” Realising I still had the apple in my hand I took another bite of it and discarded it on the table before following Fred out the door.

“This way.” She walked over to the elevator and pressed the button. Not again. Swallowing the remaining of the apple in my mouth I watched as numbers above the elevator clicked down. The doors slid open and Fred stepped in the thankfully empty elevator. I stepped in behind her, squeezing Buffy’s bag lightly. The doors clicked close and I closed my eyes. I honestly felt as though the floor was falling from underneath me as the elevator zoomed downward. The sudden halt made me snap open my eyes.

“You don’t like this much huh?” Fred asked softly. When I didn’t respond she replied.

“You will get use to it.” The doors slid open and I stepped out quickly. Realising that I was on the same floor as last night, I turned myself to Angel’s office. Quickly noticing that Harmony wasn’t at her desk, I sighed in relief. That was one thing I didn’t want to deal with just now. Walking behind Fred, we entered the double doors, seeing Peaches sitting at his desk just setting the phone down.

“Delivered as promised.” Fred smiled. I found a seat close by and sat down. I saw Angel glance at the bag I was holding but he didn’t say anything. Instead he turned to Fred.

“Thank you. I think Gunn is looking for you. He should be down in his office.” A wash of confusion spread on Fred’s face before she answered.

“Well, better go and see what that is all about then huh?” She gave Spike a little wave before she darted out the door. Great, we’re alone. I coughed before I spoke.

“Angel, I was wondering if you had told…” I paused before continuing. “….anyone about me yet?” Angel looked at me confused.

“It’s just that I don’t want Buffy to know….”

“I haven’t told her.” He retorted coldly. Thank god I sighed.

“Just until I know what’s going on. I don’t want to get everyone’s hopes up ya know?” I looked at him with pleading eyes, hoping that he would understand what I meant, that I didn’t have to go into detail. When he didn’t say anything I continued.

“I want to give them their belongings. I want to see them. But I don’t want to hurt them again.” I lowered my head. Please let him understand what I meant. Please.

“I understand. Your secret is safe.” I went to thank him when someone came bursting though the door. I whirled around to see Lorne, cradling the side of his face with what looked like an ice pack.

“Angel, sweet cakes, I am sorry I am so late. This demon up in the magic department wanted me to do a reading for him and let me tell you, it doesn’t look like happy sailing for him in the future. When I tried to give it to him gently and he flew off the handle at me and ow! That boy has a mean punch on him.” I saw Angel look at him almost amused. I had to admit, that would have been pretty bloody funny to see. Lorne turned to face me, suddenly noticing my presence.

“Oh, Spike you’re here! I finally get to see what you’re hiding in there.” He threw the ice pack onto Angel’s desk, much to his disgust I noticed.

“Great.” I mumbled. I wasn’t looking forward to singing, it had been a while and I honestly didn’t know if I was up to it. Plus I was drunk the last time I had belted out a tune. I gazed out the window while Lorne and Angel chatted in the background. I realised that I hadn’t been outside in two whole days. The sun seemed to glisten off the nearby skyscrapers, reminding me the way Buffy’s hair shone in the daylight…

“Spike! Earth to Spike!” I felt someone clicking their fingers in front of my face. Looking up I could see Lorne looking down at me strangely.

“Come on, Angel said we could use the conference room to do your reading.” He gestured somewhere behind me. Instead of looking in the direction he was pointing, I looked past him to look for Peaches. His leather chair was empty.

“Wesley just called him.” Lorne answered, following my gaze. I shrugged and stood, waiting for the demon to show me the way.

“This way.” I turned to see Lorne open a door that lead to another room. Curious, I stepped inside behind him. The room was ordinary enough. It was mostly filled with the large table that was situated in the middle of the room. There were chairs tucked in all around. I noticed a few filing cabinets on the other side of the room and strangely enough a potted plant. I scoffed.

“That thing isn’t real is it?” I pointed to the plant.

“What? That old thing. Don’t be silly. It’s plastic. Made its way in here coz they got a new one for the foyer.” I smirked at this. Angel had never been one for live plants. Art was more his thing. I drew out a chair closest to me and plonked myself down on it. I heard Lorne shut the door before he too chose a chair and sat.

“Now all I need you to do Spike is choose a song of your liking and sing. Just do me a favour and please don’t sing ‘Oh Mandy’.” I saw the demon shudder. He didn’t have to say anymore, I knew why. It was Peaches favourite song not long after he got his soul and I knew that he couldn’t hold a tune to save himself. I let out a little laugh.

“Don’t worry mate, I wouldn’t kill ya twice.” I gazed up at the ceiling for a moment, as if I was thinking. I saw the green demon pull out a chair for himself and sat down.

“Twinkle, twinkle little star?” I mockingly taunted.

“What? Don’t you dare! Sing something with meaning. Something close to your heart.” Lorne urged. I stopped and thought for a moment. Suddenly, the perfect song entered my mind.

“So when do you want me to start?”

“When ever you’re ready, I’m all ears.” Taking a deep breath I began to let the lyrics flow and getting lost in there meaning.


Feel her breath on my face
Her body close to me
Can't look in her eyes
She's out of my league
Just a fool to believe
I have anything she needs
She's like the wind

I finished singing and Lorne shot up out of his seat, applauding as he did so. Startled, I almost fell off my chair.

“Whoh, Spike my boy. Who knew you had such a good set of pipes on you.” Hmm, the demon was impressed huh? I didn’t think I was that good but an ego boost is an ego boost.

“Just a silly little tune off one of the video’s the Bit use to get me to watch. Nothing special.”

“Are you kidding me? That was…that was beautiful! Amazing! I can usually tell so much about a person just by their song choice and you just nailed it in one my boy!” He let out a kind of squeal and I raised my eyebrow up at him. What was up with that?

“So, what did you see?”

“So much, so much Spike you have no idea.” The demon shook his head.

“Well…” I was getting impatient.

“I can see you hold great strength within you Spike. I can tell you that there is great love in the future. That you indeed hold a great and powerful love for this person. But it is going to be tested greatly. How it ends depends on the outcome of the test.” I growled in frustration and thumped the table.

“Haven’t I proven myself enough already? Bloody hell I sacrificed myself to save everyone I love, isn’t that enough of a bloody test? What more do you bloody want?”

“I’m sorry I can’t tell you much else. I just hope your choice is the right one.” I went to question this when there was a sharp tap on the door. Before either of us could respond, the door swung open and Angel popped his head around the corner.

“Lorne, a word please.” The green demon walked towards his boss. I stood to follow.

“No, Spike you stay right there.” I let out a short growl as Angel shut the door. I could hear the two talking in muffled voices and letting my curiosity getting the better of me; I pressed my ear to the door.

“His link is to the amulet Angel. When he sacrificed himself, his soul was captured in the amulet and his soul only to be released by a true love’s wish.”

“What’s the catch?”

“There is a test and if he doesn’t pass his soul will be lost forever.” The words seem to echo in my head. Lost forever? I didn’t want to hear anymore. I slumped myself into the chair I was sitting in before and waited for the two to finish. One thing was for sure. I had to find Buffy. I clutched Buffy’s bag to my chest, letting my head be filled with images of her. It seemed to be my only comfort at the moment. My body ached to see her, even just to see her smile again. I sighed. I knew I had to play my cards right, Buffy finding out I was back would be shock enough without the added shock he now had a heartbeat.

The door swung open but instead of Angel standing there, there was Gunn looking down at me with an amused look on his face.

“Wanna come and kick the crap out of a punching bag?” Sounded like fun. I stood, not letting go of Buffy’s bag for a second.

“Sure, sounds better then being poked with needles all day.” The black man led the way though Peaches office. I glanced quickly over the room as we passed by it but he was no where to be seen. Typical, the sodding poof probably thought I was treading on his turf or something. He lead me though a variety of corridors and I was thankful that we didn’t go in any elevators, just down a flight of steps. He opened a door and gestured me to enter. My mouth dropped in awe when I stepped inside what was clearly their training room. It was far from the basic wooden set up the librarian had set up at the back of the Magic Box in Sunnydale. Very fancy indeed. I let out a low whistle.

“I take it that you like then yes?” Gunn asked. I heard the door close softly behind him.

“Bloody hell, you guys sure know how to live it up don’t ya?” Gunn grinned at me.

“Shall we?” He gestured to the boxing bag not far from where I stood. I carefully placed the bag down on the floor next to the wall before I flicked the collar of my duster. Game on black boy.

“Ok, Spike gimme a couple of kicks while I hold the bag.” Sure no problem. I stood in typical fighting stance and hit the bag hard and fast. As I recoiled my foot I watched on in amazement as Gunn flew across the room and landed with a soft “ooph” on the floor, the bag swinging wildly.

“SHHHIIITT!!!” I watched as he got off and dusted off his sweats and back over to me.

“So the boy has game huh? Next time you won’t be so lucky.” He grabbed the bag again and I smirked as I watched him ground himself.

“Hit me with everything you got.” He cockily taunted. Fine by me. I lined up the bag with my eyes before delivering two sharp blows with my fist followed by a hard left side kick. I smirked as Gunn stumbled to the side.

“So the boy does have game. Strong too.” I had to admit, I was a little surprised by my strength. It almost felt as though I still had my full vampire strength with a heart beat. But that couldn’t be right could it? Is this apart of this test the green demon was telling me about maybe? Trying to brush it off, I thought this would be the perfect chance to push myself and see what I could really do.

“What else you got for me? I mean come on, give a man a challenge.” Man. Sounds strange coming from my mouth.

“A challenge you say. Wesley!” I was surprised when the former watcher popped his head though the door only moments later.

“Yes Gunn?”

“My mate Spike here wants a bit of a challenge. Wanna do your thing Wes?” Wesley smiled and stepped into the room.

“Sure. You wanna stay?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for anything.” I looked at the two men bewildered. What the bloody hell were they talking about? However I didn’t have too long to think about it when Wesley started uttering some thing that sounded like gibberish and Gunn pointed behind me with a wide smile on his face. I whipped around instinctively and damn! Walking towards me was the most foul smelling, disgusting looking demon I had ever seen. Trust me; I have seen plenty and this thing took the cake. It was about my height but looked slow on its feet. And the drool….

“What the bloody hell is that?”

“A challenge.” Gunn laughed. I looked around the room for a weapon. Anything to defend myself with.

“Oh there is an axe on the wall over there if you need it.” Wesley pointed. Trust it to be on the other side of the bloody room! The demon was almost on top of me now which left me no choice but to stand and fight. Making a split decision that it would be easier to clean my boots I laid in a swift right kick to the demons chest. As it connected I heard the demon growl in anger. The sodding thing didn’t even move an inch! Ok, got to find this demon’s weak spot. The demon swung its fists at me which I managed to dodge just barely. They gave me an axe to use right? Gotta get that axe. I could see the demon was getting pissed off which didn’t surprise me because he kept missing. Loser. I dodged a few more flying fists before I planted a few punches on the demons jaw line. Eww, demon drool. I shook my hand to get the gunk off.

“Oh gross!”

The blows didn’t seem to have any affect on him again so my next make shift plan was to play dirty. Hey, I’m the Big Bad. Playing dirty is what I do. Pulling my leg back I swung it forward fast landing the kick in between the demons legs. Bingo. The demon let out a howl in pain and I used this chance to skittle past him unnoticed to the axe as its hands flew to its groin. Twirling it around in my hand, it felt so right so comfortable. The demon turned and looked at me and let out a snarl. This was actually turning out to be fun. As I held the axe I expected the demon to lunge at me so I could kindly lop its head off and end its embarrassment. Instead I was knocked to the ground from what felt out of thin air.

Looking up I could see the demon looking down at me, drool dripping from its mouth. A dollop of drool landed on my duster while I franticly searched for the axe but it had flown out of reach. Looks can be misleading that’s for sure. I cringed as the demon reached down and picked me up by the shoulders, flinging me into the wall behind me. I hit it with a thud and I could swear the wall cracked on impact. Crumpling to the ground, I could feel the pain sear though my back. No time for that now. I looked up and saw the demon advancing on me again. Just as it went to lean down to grab me again I used all my strength to dive though its legs to safety. I spied the axe not far away and quickly snatched it up and hid it under my duster before the demon noticed. I rolled back onto my back only to have the demon standing over me again.

Great.

It reached down and grabbed me again. It held me by the shoulders as before, my feet just missing the floor. Slipping the axe down in between my legs I gripped it with both hands and swung it, hard. I felt it catch in the demon’s flesh as it howled. It dropped me to the ground and with the last of my strength; I ripped the axe upwards, splitting the demon in two; the axe coming out near its right shoulder. Demon goop covered me as its lifeless body hit the floor. Sighing in relief, I let the axe drop with a clang before turning to the two men standing at the door. Both of their mouths were ajar.

“Lucky it was sharp huh?” I quipped before buckling to the ground in pain. Bloody hell my back hurt. My whole body seemed to be throbbing in pain. I saw the two men rush towards me, concerned looks on their faces.

“You know Spike you really go far and beyond don’t you?” Gunn quipped. I grunted as Wesley rolled me onto my side. Suddenly I felt my head become heavy before I felt myself sinking into darkness, the bright lights from the room fading as I slipped in to unconsciousness.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Just a quick note: I forgot to mention that the song Spike sings is She's like the Wind sung by Patrick Sawzy. (Dirty Dancing) Just incase you didn't know ;) I thought of it last night as I was going to bed and felt terrible!

I woke to hear machines beeping steadily around me. God, where was I? Groaning softly I opened my eyes, they felt heavy and I blinked them a few times before things really came into focus around me. I was in a room with medical equipment? What the bloody hell happened for me to land in a sodding hospital room? Groaning, I felt my head throb in pain and the memory of fighting the demon in the training room came rushing back. Moving my hand up to rub my head I noticed I had something attached to my index finger. I went to pull it off when a voice interrupted me.

“It would be wise for you to leave that on Spike.” I turned my head towards the voice, wincing in pain as I did so but noticing the former watcher sitting in a chair near the bed. I was curious of why he was here. It wasn’t like he liked me or anything. Angel probably told him to keep guard of me or something. He had a book nestled in his lap and his hands lightly placed on its pages. It was clear he had been studying the book before I awoke.

“Where the bloody hell am I?” I asked.

“You’re in the hospital wing of Wolfram and Hart. You passed out after fighting a demon in the training room. It’s been a few hours since you were conscious.” He replied matter-of-factly. The watcher looked at me over his glasses and I could detect a flicker of concern in his eyes. I went to ask him another question when a sudden intense wave of pain washed over me, making me cry out. The pain was so powerful, unlike anything I had experienced. Wesley disappeared for a moment and I could vaguely make out a loud hooting noise before three people raced into the room. Another wave of pain hit me making me cry out again. I squeezed my eyes closed, praying for the pain to stop, it was now bringing tears to my eyes.

“Spike, try and relax. The doctor needs you to concentrate on your breathing.” Wesley’s voice invaded my mind, penetrating the pain momentarily, allowing my body to relax. I felt a sharp jab in my arm and my eyes flew open in alarm.

“Ow!”

“It’s a shot of Morphine, to help take the pain away.” Wesley told me.

“Pain, what pain?” I sung, feeling the effects of the drug already working. This stuff was good. I grinned goofily up at Wesley, letting my eyes slide close and sinking back into sleep once again.

I knew I was here but I wasn’t me. It almost felt like a memory. The sun was shining brightly and looking down I could see myself standing in the middle of the rubble of Sunnyhell. And there she was. Her beautiful blonde hair moving slightly in the breeze, her green eyes lighting up with recognition. I could see myself smiling at her and moving towards her to touch her face…

“Spike?” I squeezed my eyes tightly, trying not to let go of the vision before me. Giving up, I opened my eyes to see Fred standing beside me, her face knitted with worry.

“Spike are you ok? Gunn told me what happened and I got down here as fast as I could, but not fast enough really because you have been here for hours now and I feel so terrible for not coming down sooner….”

“Really luv it’s fine.” I interrupted her. I wonder how long I have been in here for. Feels like days. I sat up and heard Fred gasp, her hands flying to her mouth.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” She lowered her hands to her waist wringing them furiously together.

“No, should it?” Fred nodded her head furiously, the look of pain written all over her face. It was funny now that she mentioned it; I didn’t actually feel any pain at all.

“Fred, how long have I been in here?”

“8 hours.” Surely she must be lying to me. I couldn’t be feeling this good after half a day after the arse kicking I got. Not being human, a vampire maybe but defiantly not human. I went to get out of bed when Fred’s shrill words stopped me.

“Don’t do that. You still might be hurt.”

“Nonsense luv. I feel fine.” I threw the covers off and swung my legs over to the side of the bed, letting them dangle above the floor, wiggling my toes. Toes, shoes…Buffy’s bag!

“Where’s my bag?” Fred looked at me blankly. The look infuriated me, and I could feel my voice rising as I spoke.

“My bag Fred. You know the one I won’t let go of?” I jumped off the bed, grabbing the young woman by both arms. The grip wasn’t tight but I hoped it was enough to jog the young bird’s memory.

“Oh…umm…it’s…ah safe…it’s in your room. With your jacket.” She stammered.

“Duster.” I corrected without thinking.

“Right, sorry. Duster. Oh my goodness! Spike your standing!” She squealed. I jumped back, letting go of her and bumping lightly into the bed. The cool metal of the bed touched my bare skin and for the first time I realised that I was in fact dressed in a hospital gown. Man, when had that happened? Not that I was complaining because my clothes had been covered in demon goo. I scampered back onto the bed and pulled the covers up over my body, slightly embarrassed.

“Fred, could you get me some clothes? Something other then this sodding hospital gown. I feel like a ponce in it.”

“I…um…I guess I could…” Suddenly a better idea occurred to me.

“Can you take me up to my room?” I ran my hand though my hair. Yep still gooey-fied. Needed a shower. Perfect excuse to get out of this bed. Fred looked at me doubtful.

“Please? I need to have a shower anyway and I can get the clothes I need too.” Man, how pathetic. The former Big Bad was begging now and saying please? Thankfully it looked as though it worked because the young Texan’s face softened. Ha ha, still got the charm.

“Yeah ok but make it quick. I know a short cut so no one will see you in your….” She looked me up and down.

“…in your gown.” Fred then poked her head out the door before summoning me to follow. I ripped the sheet off the bed and hastily wrapped it around my shoulders before scooting out the doors behind her.

The hall was thankfully empty and I had to break out into a light jog to keep up with Fred. Who knew that bird could move so damn fast? We reached an elevator and Fred impatiently stamped the button with her finger before she looked back at me.

“Not many people around this time of night, so the elevator should be as good as empty.” She smiled. I heard the elevator ding and the doors slide open. Holding my breath, I let it out in a low whoosh when I found it empty. I mean really, how could I explain to anyone why I was wrapped in a sheet and with demon goo through my hair. Stepping in beside Fred, she pressed another button and the elevator doors slid closed before shotting upwards, making my stomach lurch. The elevator dinged again and the doors slid open to something I recognised, the door to my room.

Dashing out of the elevator, I waited impatiently as Fred swiped a card which made the door click, unlocking it. Racing past Fred, I sprinted into the room, franticly checking for Buffy’s bag. It was sitting on the bench with my duster, thankfully clean, draped next to it. Satisfied, I bolted to the bathroom next, flinging the bed sheet off and discarding the horrid hospital gown almost in one swift motion. I chuckled at the sound of Fred gasping again behind me, knowing she could see my white arse before I shut the bathroom door. Twisting the taps in the shower, I found the temperature I wanted before slipping in. The hot water was soothing and happily I washed away all the goo from my hair with the shampoo someone had thoughtfully left there. Hearing Fred still out in the main room I hastily rinsed the soap off and turned the taps off. Grabbing a clean towel from the rack, hmm house cleaning in an evil lawyer’s corporation not bad, I wrapped it around my waist before opening the door. I could see the young woman placing the telephone in its cradle.

“I just notified Angel that I had brought you up here. He wants you to come down to his office as soon as you are ready.” Great, what does the big poof want now? Sighing I grabbed another towel and rubbed it through my hair. Noticing that Fred was still looking at me, I looked up and cocked my head to the side.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to stare at ya. I was just…just…maybe I should…I’m going to wait out in the hallway till you’re done.” Her cheeks flushed bright red before she scampered to the exit.

“Just come and get me when you’re all done.” She slipped out the door before I could say a word, shutting it firmly behind her. Strange bint she was. Smirking, I dropped the towels to the floor. I’m sure someone will come and pick that up. I found some comfortable clothes to throw on as well as my Doc Martians before slipping into my duster. Just felt like home wearing this. I opened the fridge door to inspect the contents, finding nothing appealing. Suppose I better go down and see what Peaches wants might be able to get him to order me something in. Shutting the door of the fridge with a thud I retreated to the main door.

Opening the door slightly, I could see that Fred had indeed stayed true to her word. She was leaning on the wall near the door, staring off into nothing. She jumped as I stepped out, letting the door close behind me and I couldn’t help but smile at her.

“OH Spike you scared the fizzle out of me.” She looked at me with stern eyes before laughing at herself, her eyes softening.

“Silly me, a million miles away. Should have been paying more attention and maybe I wouldn’t of got such a fright.” I laughed at this. The woman sure has a way with words. We walked over to the elevator and took it down to the main floor where Angel’s office was. Walking briskly, we entered the room to be confronted with Wesley, Gunn and Angel sitting around in the chairs near Angel’s desk. They had some sort of book on a table in front of them I noticed. The three of them looked up as we entered, looking like they had all just been caught with their hands in a biscuit jar. Gunn was the first to speak.

“Spike my man, you look great!” A wide and inviting smile broke over his face. I hung behind Fred, not understanding where this was going.

“Care to take a seat?” The watchers voice was smooth and also inviting as he gestured to a vacant chair. This was seriously getting weird.

“It’s important. Wesley has found out some more information about the Amulet.” Angel’s eyes bore into me and I knew better at that moment then to run from the room like I felt like doing. I silently slid into a vacant chair near Gunn and waited.

“It seems that when you wore the Amulet to save Sunnydale that your essence was trapped inside it. These included aspects of your demon Spike, your ability to heal quickly as well as your strength are most prominent. You don’t seem to be affected by sunlight as a vampire is and you do all the other things that a human would do.” Wesley shifted nervously in his seat, trying to look at anything but me.

“You’re telling me.” I muttered feeling my stomach gurgle. Oh yeah, need food. Ignoring the hunger pain something hit me.

“So, what? I’m like a super human or something?” I watched in amusement as Wesley glanced at Angel and then Gunn before looking back at me. He looked quite nervous.

“Where not quite sure what it means yet. Something like this has never been documented before, well at least not that I am aware of.” Wesley lent over and picked up the book on the table.

“I’m surprised there is any information on this at all. I mean when Angel got given the amulet before…”

“Ok, Wes we don’t need to go into details.” Angel snapped. He looked furious although he was doing a good job of keeping it hidden from everyone. It was only over the 100 odd years that I had known him that gave it away. My stomach rumbled again.

“Good grief Spike, was that your stomach?” The watcher looked up from his book horrified. I felt my face flush.

“Um, yeah. Got anything I could have to eat?”

“I could go and get you a taco. They’re really nice.” Fred’s voice made me turn to her; I had completely forgotten she was there. I smiled at her.

“Sounds good to me, anything to stop this.” I patted my stomach. I heard Gunn, let out a chuckle.

“Yeah, Fred use to live on Taco Bell.”

“If I remember correctly, it was all she ate for months.” Angel chipped in, smiling at the woman. Fred’s cheeks flushed red and she smiled embarrassed.

“Yes, well that was a long time ago. I don’t just eat the one thing anymore you know.”

“Could have fooled me.” Gunn replied chuckling at her again. Wesley grinned at her before looking back down into the book.

“Oh, come on Spike, I will take you with me, goodness knows, the fresh air will do us both good.” Fred huffed, looking back half glaring at the boys. I stood from my seat and quickly walked towards the door, feeling Angel’s eyes boring into my back. There was no mistaking it. He was mad.

Fred was right; it was nice to get out of the office and into the fresh air. I didn’t realise how much I missed it until we stepped out onto the street. I was never one for being cooped up indoors. Drove me bonkers. It was dusk I noticed through the line of buildings. Dusk had a certain feel to it and I swear it hasn’t changed for my entire existence. There was that feel in the air, soft and warm, a true tribute that the day was drawing to a close. I was mildly surprised of how many people were still walking the streets although almost all of them were in a hurry. Expensive cars sat bumper to bumper on the cramped roads and moved slowly. I followed Fred’s swift weaving with ease, finding it easy to keep up with her pace. Soon we reached a little shop with the words “Taco Bell” in tall blue letters with a picture of a pink bell above it. Looked better then the Double Meat Palace back in Sunnydale that’s for sure.

Stepping inside I looked up at the menu not having a clue where to start. Fred had stepped up to the counter and placed her order.

“What do you want?” What did I want? What kind of question is that? How the hell was I suppose to pick from everything here? I shrugged my shoulders at her.

“I dunno you know what’s good here.” She nodded her head at me before turning back to the cashier and placing another order. I had to admit, the place smelt good and I could feel my stomach doing flip flops at the smell of it all. I glanced around, noting the vast number of tables, most which were occupied. Suddenly, Fred shoved a taco into my hands. God it smelt good. Grinning at her, we stepped out of the shop and headed back to the office, trying to eat the taco’s we just brought without them spilling everywhere. Thankfully we managed to finish them without too much fuss and I had to admit, Fred was the taco eating master. I cringed slightly as we approached the entrance of Wolfram and Hart, hesitant to go back inside. Gritting my teeth I followed a happy Fred back to Angel’s office. As we entered, Angel was the only one in the room. He was sitting behind his desk, looking like he was going over some files. He smiled at Fred before looking at me with a steely gaze.

“Fred, Knocks just called for you. He was rambling on about something he found. Sounded important.”

“Oh my goodness Angel I completely forgot! I’ll go and find out about it straight away.” She lent over and squeezed my hand gently, taking me completely by surprise.

“Talk to you soon.” She whispered. With that she bounded out of the room. I turned back to Angel, inwardly cringing. I knew he was mad but why I wasn’t certain.

“Spike, I want you to stay here in L.A. till we find out more about your…” He paused as if trying to think of the right word.

“…condition. Gunn has agreed to train with you and if the need arises you may be able to out into the field.”

“What? Save some innocents? That is not what I had….”

“I don’t care what you had in mind Spike. You’re not leaving here without me saying so. Got it?” For the first time in a LONG time I felt powerless against the vampire so I nodded my head in agreement.

“Access card to your room. Don’t lose it.” Angel pointed to a small card on the edge of his table and I snatched it up, shoving it into the pocket of my duster.

“I’m going to my room.” I muttered, heading for the door. Angel didn’t reply he just looked back down at the folders he had been working on. Stepping out into the reception area I felt a little lost. Remembering where the elevator was I walked towards it. I can do this. I can ride in an elevator by myself. Nothing to worry about. The doors slid open before I could press the button and to my surprise Harmony stepped out. Her eyes glared at me hatefully as she walked past but she didn’t say anything. Sighing in relief I stepped in and pressed the button to my floor. I lent back onto one of the walls and waited for the doors to close. Ok here we go. The doors shut with a ding as they always did and then I felt the elevator lurch upwards. Please don’t let me die. I’m never going to get use to this. Thankfully I felt the elevator stop and drop slightly which meant it was stopping. Barely letting the doors open, I leapt out of the small space and into the hall. I looked around, feeling like an idiot. Pulling the card out of my duster I swiped it across the way I had seen Fred do it and the door clicked open. Yes!

Walking in, I slipped the card back into my duster pocket before I shrugged it off and draped it over the nearest chair. Trudging to the bed, I shoved my shoes off before sinking into the bed. Oh the fun I’m going to have over the next week or so was going to be priceless. Thinking of all the mischievous things I could get up to, I went to sleep with a smile on my face.

Almost a week past with me training with Gunn when he wasn’t in court doing his whole lawyer thing, Angel avoiding me like I was the plague while Wesley and Fred were quite chipper and friendly. I suspected that Wesley was trying to work out the inner workings of why I was how I was but none the less it was nice to have the company. Truth be told though I spent most of my free time with Fred, she was the only one I could stand to be around. I could swear she was the only thing keeping me sane in that whole building and it helped that I could confine in her about almost anything.

We had decided to go out to grab a bite to eat down at the same Taco Bell she had taken me a week before. Everyone else had declined the offer, muttering about having too much work to do. It was a beautiful day and we decided to rather then eat and run, go to the park. We found a bench to sit on and before long we had finished our food.

“Do you think you could do me a favour Fred?” I asked. She turned her head, looking puzzled. I took a deep breath.

“I want to know about Buffy. That’s she and the nibblet are ok. I want to know where she is now. I know nothing and I know Angel won’t tell be a bloody thing.” Fred looked deep in thought for a moment before she replied.

“Shouldn’t be too hard to find out, I’ll just ask Angel for the…”

“No! I mean, I don’t want Angel knowing about this.”

“I was going to say I’ll just ask Angel for the number of Willow’s cell. With the case load he has lately he should hand me the whole file on Buffy without a second glance.”

“Angel has a file on Buffy?”

“Oh yeah, he keeps it in his office in his desk and is updating it all the time…” Fred’s voice trailed off and I felt my cheeks go hot with anger. How dare he keep track of her like that!

“…Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that. But Spike, let me get the file. I promise I won’t let on a thing.” Some how I trusted her and I nodded my head.

“Come on, I need to get back to my lab before Knocks blows something up. I’m sure he is getting a big head because I keep leaving him in charge.” She laughed and I laughed with her. Dropping our rubbish in the bin we made our way back to the office. Gunn had promised me a training session this afternoon after all. Couldn’t pass up an opportunity like that!

Unfortunately, Gunn had been called back for a meeting so I had the training room mostly to myself. When he finally got there he looked mad as hell and I guessed things didn’t go so well. Already changed into his sweats he walked into the room, both doors swinging from the hard shove he gave them.

“Bad day at the office Princess?” I quipped, putting a few jabs on the punching bag for effect.

“Don’t want to talk about it. You ready?” He lowered himself into his usual fighting stance, his brown eyes burning with anger. I knew from my training during the week that I had improved my fighting somewhat. I was more alert and fast, making it hard for Gunn to land a good blow. As for any injuries, they healed quickly. I saw Gunn’s nostrils flare, a sign that he was going to attack. Stepping back into my own comfortable fighting stance I waited patiently for him to deliver the first blow. It came fast and hard and straight towards my abdomen. I stepped back and he missed me by inches. Got my work cut out for me today.

For the next hour we sparred until I could tell that Gunn was tiring. I still had plenty of fight in me but I didn’t want to push him too far. Sweat was pouring off the pair of us and I knew that I was in a desperate need for a shower. Warming down, I saw Gunn walk over to the boxing bag.

“Feeling a bit better now?”

“Yeah, a little. Work is murder around here. You know how it goes.” I smiled at this but decided not to push it any further.

“Thanks for the work out today. You’re in great form. Angel would be impressed.” I scoffed at this.

“Angel, interested in anything I do? You got to be bloody joking mate.”

“Yeah not interested at all is he? That’s why he has been watching almost all of your training sessions with me.” He what? The poof has been studying me? The sooner I get out of here the better. I tried to shrug it off.

“Whatever. Let Peaches do what ever he has to do. I’m going for a shower.” I walked out the training room, letting the doors swing behind me. Walking down the hall, I noticed a door, just past the training room that was open slightly. I could see the room wasn’t lit very well. Though the opening but I could see Mr Tall, Dark and Broody looking though what seemed to be one sided glass. His gaze was locked intensely on what ever was going on in the room. I knew Gunn was still in there so assumed it was him. Creepy. I kept walking, not wanting to alert Angel. Thankfully, I made it to the elevator and back to my room with no interruptions. Having a quick shower and a bite to eat, I sunk into my bed ready for sleep. It came quickly enough and for the first time in a week I begun to dream.

I could see Buffy standing in front of me, looking like her beautiful self as always. Her eyes though told a different story. They were full of sadness and loss. I could feel the sun shining brightly around us although I didn’t know exactly where I was. My eyes were only on her.
“How you feeling luv?” I asked her.
“I miss you.” She whispered.
“I miss you too pet.” She gazed into my eyes and I could tell that tears were brimming on the edge of them.
“Why did you have to go?”
“But I didn’t go.” The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them. Her face instantly filled with confusion and I could tell that she wanted answers. Knowing I couldn’t give them to her, not yet I held my finger to her lips touching them softly. Just touching her like that felt comforting. I looked into her beautiful pools of green before I uttered the three words I meant with all my heart.
“I love you.” I whispered.

I sat up, stunned at what I had just dreamt. It felt so real. I could feel a vague warmth coming from behind me. Oh, I had left the curtain open the night before. I glanced at the clock. 10:30. Damn. Better get myself down stairs. Flinging myself out of bed I hastily threw some clothes on before putting on my duster and boots. I hadn’t been wearing either much lately due to my attempt to fit in. But something told me today I needed to wear them. Swallowing down some food and washing it down with some milk, I grabbed the card to the room and headed out the door. The door almost swung closed before I heard the distinct ring of the phone. Pushing the door back open, I bolted to the ringing device picking it up half ring.

“Hello?”

“Spike, its Fred. I need to see you right away.”

“Ok.”

“Meet me at my office. The boys are out on a job.” With that she hung up and I was left standing there with the phone beeping in my ear. I wonder what this was all about? Placing the phone back down, I headed down to the young Texan’s office. I didn’t even think twice about getting into the elevator. Fred was right. You do get use to it after a while.

Walking into the laboratory I could see that it was buzzing with life. Men and women in white coats everywhere. None were particularly fazed as I walked in and I think that they had gotten use to me coming in so frequently. I could see Fred across the room and she waved at me wildly to come to her. Stepping around a few tables I reached her quickly.

“Where’s the fire luv?”

“Shh, not here. Come up to my office.” Her voice was soft and I could barely hear her. More curious then ever, I followed her silently to her office. She beckoned for me to enter first with some urgency before she stepped in behind me, locking the door.

“We don’t have much time before they get back.” She babbled.

“Fred, what’s going on?” Instead of answering she went to her desk and pulled out a piece of paper from one of the drawers.

“I got this information from Angel’s file. I’m going to give Willow a call tomorrow, just so he can see that I didn’t get the information I wanted for nothing. It was harder then I thought to get him to give me the file but I guess he has been on edge lately and all…” There she was again, rambling away.

“Fred, the information?”

“Here. It’s all here. I had to hide it just in case someone found it. Can never be too careful around this place.” She handed me the piece of paper. I scanned it, reading Fred’s beautifully written handwriting and putting to memory Buffy’s address. I then folded the paper and tucked it into the inside pocket of my duster.

“You should go.”

“What?”

“You should go and see her.”

“Are you mad? It would kill her.”

“It’s killing her more thinking you’re dead.” She retorted back. I knew she was right. Sighing, I felt trapped. Even if I did want to go, I had no way of getting there. I got the distinct impression that Angel didn’t want me going anywhere especially near Buffy.

“Fred, I have no way of getting there, even if I did want to go.” My mind was racing and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest at just the thought of seeing Buffy again. How ever impossible it seemed. The memory of my dream came flooding back just for a moment then, the way her eyes were filled with so much sadness.

“Take one of the car’s in the garage. I’m sure Angel won’t miss one, he has so many. The keys are in a little box on the garage wall near the elevator. Here take this too, your going to need it.” This woman was truly a hero in her own right. She handed me a thick envelope that she also had retrieved from the draw of her desk. I put it in the same pocket as the piece of paper she had given me, not asking any questions. I knew what it was. If I was going to do this, I had to go and get Buffy’s bag. I couldn’t leave it here. It had almost become apart of me and I needed to be able to give their things back to them. Fred shutting the draw snapped me out of my thoughts.

“How long is Angel going to be?”

“He shouldn’t be too much longer I doubt. Why?”

“Just something I have to grab first.” I went to unlock the door but instead I stepped forward to Fred and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Her cheeks flushed red.

“What was that for?”

“My way of saying thanks luv.” I replied, smiling before unlocking the door and racing back to my room. Opening the door with the card, I shoved it open. I could tell no one had been in here yet to tidy up which was fine by me. Grabbing the bag I used for training from the closet, I shoved a handful of each pile of items I had been given into the bag. Shirts, pants, socks, undies…nah stuff the undies. Zipping it up, I reached under the hanging clothes and grabbed Buffy’s bag. Clutching it affectionately to my chest, I threw the other bag over my shoulder before exiting the room for the last time.

Stepping into the elevator, I knew that I couldn’t take it all the way down to the garage. I needed to take the elevator in Angel’s office for that. Impatiently tapping my hands against the rail as the elevator whizzed down to the main floor, I practically leapt out as the doors slid open with the same dull ding. I headed for Angel’s office, noticing with some distain that Harmony was sitting behind her desk. Trying my best to ignore her, I headed straight for the doors of Angel’s office. No such luck. I heard her push her chair back before she spoke.

“Hold it right there breather. Just where do you think you’re going?” Crap. Blonde vampire bimbo. Smarter then she use to be too. Better play my cards right or she’ll notice something is up.

“In to Angel’s office, what does it look like?” I retorted.

“He’s not there you know, he’s out.”

“Since when do you care Harm?” I challenged. It seemed to set her off balance. She stood there for a minute, twirling her hair in her fingers. God and to think I use to see that as a turn on.

“You’re right. I don’t.” I smirked at her before heading to the doors again. Good old predictable Harm.

“Hey Spike, what’s with the bags?” I turned and saw her face wrinkle up. Double crap. Since when did Harm learn to ask so many questions? I knew she could probably smell Buffy a mile off from her bag.

“Something for Peaches if you must know.” I lied. She seemed to buy it because she shrugged her shoulders.

“Whatever.” With that she sat down on her chair and started tapping away at assumingly a keyboard. Almost in the clear. Just got to get down to that garage. Slipping into the office, I made my way over to the elevator. Pressing the button, I silently prayed that Angel wouldn’t be in it as the doors slid open. The doors shot open silently and it was thankfully empty. Stepping in, I pressed the bottom button. The doors shot close and I exhaled. I felt the elevator begin to move downwards. Not far to go now. Feeling the familiar jolt of the elevator coming to a stop, I braced myself for the worst. What happens if they are standing there, waiting to get in? How could I possibly explain why I have two bags and heading down to the car garage? I could feel light sweat beads form on my forehead and I hastily wiped them away as the doors shot open again. I peered out into the cold room filled with cars only stepping out when I couldn’t hear or see any movement. The doors of the elevator shot close again and I could just hear the motor whirring. Probably taking it back up to Angel’s office.

Spying the small box Fred had described to me, I gingerly opened it to be confronted with nearly 20 different sets of keys. Damn! Scanning then quickly I smirked as I noticed the keys for the Viper were still on the hook. Now what kind of gentleman would I be if I just left this poor car sitting in this dark, dank garage? Snatching them greedily, I closed the box and went in search for the car. It wasn’t too far away, but sitting near enough to the exit for an easy getaway if need be. Clicking the door unlocked on the driver’s side, I opened the door and slid into the leather seat, throwing my bags to the passenger side as I did so. Could get use to this baby. Putting the key into the ignition, I turned it feeling the engine roar to life. The tank was almost full too which was a bonus. Shutting the door I ripped the seat belt around myself and clicked it in before shifting the car into gear. Luv, where have you been all my life? This was ten times better then the hunk of junk I use to drive around.

Driving it down to the main gate, I flashed the attendant my ID card before driving out onto the road. Freedom at last. Disgusting, smog filled air never smelt so fine. Finding the high way I needed to be on, I slipped easily into the mainstream traffic, grinning like a stupid idiot.

I was finally going to see the woman I loved.

“What do you mean Will? What do you mean he’s not there? He has to be there. Where else could he be? Willow!” I was hysterical, my mind racing a mile a minute. Spike wasn’t in the amulet. My body was suddenly shaking and I could feel hot tears flowing down my face. My best friend was at my side in an instant.

“Shh shh Buff. It’s going to be ok.” She crooned at me. Her words didn’t soothe me, instead I felt anger boil to the surface.

“OK. How can it be ok? He’s not there!” I stood abruptly, almost sending Willow flying backwards as I did so. But at that moment the only thing I felt was my heart breaking. Spike was gone. I couldn’t get him back. I stormed out of the room and down to the basement to the kick bag Giles had insisted that I get put in. Screaming, I kicked the bag, sending it flying back. As it swung back towards me I let my fists fly, hitting it over and over until sobs took over my body. I collapsed to the ground in one big Buffy mess, not thinking of the bag, not thinking that it could come back and hit me. My heart ached and that’s all that mattered. My Spike was gone. I would never have the chance to tell him that I loved him, to tell him that I really meant what I had said before he had saved the world. I knew he didn’t believe me when I told him, thinking I was saying it because he was about to die. But now I would never have the chance to make him understand I truly meant those three small words that he had been waiting so long to hear from me.

“Buffy.” I looked up and saw Willow holding the kick bag with both hands. She let go of the bag gently before crouching to my side.

“Buffy…”

“He’s really gone Will. He’s never coming back.” I whispered.

“He’s gone.” The words seem to echo around the basement. They seemed so false, so hollow. I fell into sobs again. All Willow did was hold me, occasionally stroking my hair as she always did every other time I had cried in her arms. I don’t know how long we were sitting on the basement floor but I must have fallen asleep at some point.

When I awoke, I felt something familiar close by. But not Willow, she wasn’t there. It was someone else. Must have been the dream I was having about Spike. I was curled up on the floor with a blanket snugly wrapped around me. Willow had even put a pillow under my head. God, I love that woman. I sat up and blinked my eyes, trying to clear the sleep from them. My hair fell forward, swishing in front of my eyes. Spike would have loved that.

I got up, trying to push thoughts of Spike out of my head. I wrapped the blanket around myself and trod up the steps, squinting my eyes from the harsh light of the hall above. I have to get that bulb changed. It was too bright. I could hear Willow talking to someone in the kitchen. Curious, I crept silently to the corner. Listening a little more intently, her voice clearer now, I realised she was on the phone.

“No, sorry Faith. Buffy’s not here at the moment….mmhuh, yeah she’s out patrolling…..Giles?....No…..Yeah try him there.”

Not long after Sunnydale made itself into the new Grand Canyon, Faith and Wood had volunteered to take a handful of the potentials, mostly the ones that survived the battle in Sunnydale to Cleveland to set up base around the other Hellmouth. It had never really attracted as much attention as the Hellmouth in Sunnydale for some reason. Faith had decided she wanted to see the world a little more now that she had her freedom and this way she could work and play at the same time. Of course Wood had leapt at the chance to go as well and from passed on information I knew Wood had a job working as a school principal in the area. Getting a call from her wasn’t unusual as Giles liked to keep tabs on everyone.

“Ok Faith, I will pass it on….yep you too….bye.” I stepped into the kitchen, rubbing my eyes a little as Willow placed the phone back into its cradle.

“God, how long was I out?” Willow turned to me and smiled.

“Not long, about an hour I think.” She scratched her head, a thoughtful expression lighting up her features. “I thought I better leave you to it.” She bustled around the kitchen, trying to look busy, and a guilty expression played on her face.

“Want a cup of tea? Giles always says that tea always helps.” I know, haven’t I heard that a million times before. I knew she was babbling, not knowing what to say to me.

“Yeah sure. I suppose it might help a little.” Who was I kidding? Like honestly. Spike was gone. I directed my attention back to Willow who moved around the kitchen, getting everything she needed. Before long she had two steaming cups of tea ready.

“Buff, you going to sit down?”

“Huh?” I realized that I hadn’t moved. Blushing slightly, I quickly moved to the kitchen table and sat down. I watched again as Willow she placed a cup of hot tea in front of me before taking a seat near me with her own cup.

“Faith just called.”

“Oh.” I kinda figured that.

“She wanted to speak to you but I told her you were out.”

“Yeah, not so much with the talking at the moment.”

“Figured. Told her Giles would probably be at the office and to try him there.” She paused, taking a sip of her tea. I knew what was coming. Willow was never one to disappoint. “So how are you feeling, I mean really?” She looked at me with those concerned eyes of hers. What was I suppose to say? I felt like I was dead inside.

“I don’t know how I feel.” I looked vacantly down at my tea, wishing that everything was a misunderstanding. I knew I needed sleep. Lots of it. Sleep was comforting, I could find Spike in my dreams at least.

“I need to go to bed Will, sure you still wanna stay? The offer still stands you know. Dawn is over at a friend’s house.”

“Yeah why not? I’ll crash in Dawn’s room. I’m sure she will be thrilled.” Willow let out a small, light laugh. Dawn had always looked up to Willow although she could never really pinpoint why. Maybe it was the fact that she packed some serious power when she needed to or the fact that ever since Tara had passed away being close to Willow meant still having a bit of Tara around.

I wasn’t going to worry about it now. It hurt my head. Everything hurt my head. Thinking hurt. Discarding my full cup of tea on the bench I headed towards the stairs.

“I’m off to bed. Thanks for the tea.” I heard Willow moving around the kitchen again. No doubt she was emptying and rinsing the cups they had used. I paused at the front door, checking to see if it was locked. Sliding the second lock into place, I started up the steps, the light from my room lighting up the small area just enough to see.

I sighed as I remembered the old house in Revello Drive. There were pictures of all our family lining the hall and stair case. Hell, when the whole place went down we didn’t even get time to grab anything. I didn’t even think to throw even a few things into a bag and get Dawn to hold them for safe keeping. I would give almost anything to have some of those things again. Pictures of mum. Pictures of Dawn and me growing up. Pictures of everyone we loved and lost. I stepped into my room and shut the door softly, hearing Willows footsteps on the stairs.

Slumping into the softness of my mattress I heard Willow call out goodnight. I shouted goodnight in return and tucked the covers around me. It made me feel snug and safe. Tonight felt like it was going to be a long night. I needed all the comfort I could get. Although my eyes were heavy, my mind was plagued with memories of Spike. His eyes, his smile, even his God forsaken smirk. I missed it all. All of these things danced in front of me making my heart ache for him more. Finally I slipped into sleep, taking my memory of Spike with me.