Second Time Around

Chapter one: Same time, Different place

“I mean it! I gotta do this” Spikes voice, thick with resolve, could be heard over the echo of falling earth as he put his hand up to stop Buffy arguing with him

They were in the hell mouth; the amulet around Spikes neck had destroyed the Turak-hans and soon, it would take him with them. The earth, as always in these types of situations, was falling down around them. The ground they were on trembled, but for a moment, the pair stood still. Buffy grasped Spikes hand with her own, interlocking their fingers as they slowly began to burn. A momentary clench of her teeth, and the pain in her hand was forgotten as she stared into Spikes shining blue eyes. He looked at their hands, and then returned her gaze.

“I love you” she told him softly. All those years; fighting, loving, hating, all the history they shared and all the hardships they had experienced, yet in that one instant, with those softly spoken words, nothing had ever seemed so easy, so right. They were the words she was always meant to say. Similarly, they were the three words that Spike had always wanted to hear from her. He had fought for her life and for his just to earn those words, earn her love, and now he held them forever within his burning soul.

“No, you don’t” he said, “but thanks for saying it.” Awe seemed to lace his words as he denied her love for him. All this time, just to hear those words, and he was still willing to give them up for her happiness. He felt a pang of regret in his heart as he saw the look in her eyes, but on some level he knew that she understood what he was trying to do.

The earth beneath them trembled and their hands, like the moment they were in, ripped apart.

“Go on now, go” he demanded, feeling the last of his resolve slowly ebbing away. He stared straight away, praying for the strength he would need to let her go, one last night. From the corner of his eye, Spike could see Buffy shaking her head, her movements becoming more frantic as she fought with herself over the decision she was about to make.

“No” he heard her quietly whisper. He never imagined letting go would be as hard for her as it was for him

“No” Louder this time, her head shaking movements becoming more frantic, “No, I’m taking you with me.”

Before Spike could protest, Buffy had pulled the amulet from around his neck, sustaining more burns as she did so, and throwing it to the cracked and crumbling floor. Without thinking, his hand slipped once again into hers as they ran together out of the cave and into safety.

As they looked into each other’s eyes, neither one could believe that, even if only for a moment, they were willing to let the other go. Silent tears streamed down Buffy’s face; tears of joy and disbelief; she had done it, she had really saved him.

“I do love you” She told him, the tone in her voice begging him to believe her words, “Please don’t leave me, please”

With a smile on his face, Spike raised his hand and cupped her cheek, “Never pet, I’ll always be right here with you. You know that.” Buffy smiled, she did know that.
Suddenly, everything around her, Spike included, began to fade away

“Spike!” she yelled, a look of panic on her face as she tried to reach out and grab his hand again “SPIKE!”
With a gasp, Buffy sat upright in bed. Looking around, trying to figure out where she was, the knowledge that she was safe, in her bed, in her bedroom, in room, slowly hit her.

“It was a dream... I was just dreaming...again:” she told herself quietly, hand placed against her chest in order to feel her thundering heartbeat.

She hadn’t saved Spike. He had died in the hell mouth. Died saving the world, as her champion. And he has left her all alone- something he said he would never do. Buffy looked over to the clock on her bedside table and saw that it was 1:53am, a time when, before the creation of thousands of other slayers, she would be patrolling. But now, she had no need to go out and was, instead, left at home with her thoughts and her dreams. Sighing once more, she turned her bedside lamp on and opened the draw next to her. She pulled out a silver lighter; Spike’s lighter.

“I do love you” She said into the darkness, tears rolling down her cheeks.

-----------------------------------------LOS ANGELES: SAME TIME------------------------------------------------------
Spike was alone in his room, a small lamp his only source of light and a pen in his hand with paper spread out in front of him; a scene slightly reminiscent to that of his human days, in the dark writing dens of his hometown. His dead body so desperately craved sleep, yet somehow it eluded him. In a few days, he would be fighting what would likely be his last apocalypse hand in hand with his poofy grandsire. But honestly, he didn’t care. There was only one thing on his mind, only one thing he truly cared about; Buffy. He let out a resigned sigh, and began to write.

Minutes, or possibly hours, passed. It was still night, yet his previously clean room was now littered with ink stains and screwed up balls of paper on the floor.
Exhausted, he folded his final copy of his letter and
slid them into a big, faded brown, envelope. The kind that, had it been a parcel, would have been tied up with straw; the kind he thought Buffy would’ve like. Adding the finishing touches, Spike opened his desk draw and pulled out his amulet, the one he had been wearing on his last day in the hell mouth, and placed it inside the envelope, sealing it shut. He didn’t know if Buffy would want his amulet or not, or even how she still felt about his, but at least if he sent it to her she would know for sure that it was him. Putting the envelope down, he picked up the phone and dialled a familiar number.

“Hello?” A tired voice answered on the other line

“Lorne? It’s Spike. I know its late, but I need your help” Spike pleading, holding a breath he didn’t need to take as he waited for Lornes answer

“Ok” He finally agreed, “Give me a minute and I will be right up”

“Thanks mate,” Spike said, hanging up the phone.
True to his word, a few minutes later Lorne was at Spike’s door.

“Thanks for coming Lorner, um...come in and sit down?” Spike asked, momentarily distracted by the purple, green and blue striped night gown adorning Lorne’s body. “You know, it wouldn’t have killed you to dress up” Spike told him, barely concealing the grin on his face. Over the last few months at Angel inc, he had really grown to like the horned green demon.

“Sweet cakes, you pull a demon out of bed at this hour and you get what you asked for” Lorne replied in good humour. Spike smiled, but didn’t take the subject any further.

“Speaking of which, what is it that I can do for you?” Lorne asked, taking a seat on the couch

“Well, i know you’re not going to be here, for the fight that is, and I was wondering...” Spike began, picking up the envelope from his desk, “...If I don’t make it out, will you make sure Buffy gets this?” He finished, placing said envelope into Lorne’s waiting hands.

“No one can know about it though, not Peaches, not the Watcher, none of ‘em.” He quickly added

Lorne sat silently, staring at the envelope in his hands, knowing that Spike was watching him, hoping and waiting for his answer. He sighed; he had always been a sucker for romance.

“I’ll make sure she gets it” Lorne told him, looking up. Spike let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding and let his shoulders sink in relief.

“Thank you” Spike told him with more sincerity than should be possible for someone who was un-dead, “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Oh no Sunshine, I think I do.” With that, Lorne said his goodnights and headed back to his room. Spike, after stripping down to his usual bedding attire, was in his own bed moments later, bitter-sweet thoughts of his slayer filling his head as he drifted off to sleep.

TBC

Chapter two: Second Time Around

Chapter two: A Gift from a Stranger

It had been weeks since she had heard of Angel’s death in the fight against Wolfram and Hart and, although the loss of him as a fellow champion did hurt her, Buffy had not felt as much pain as she had expected upon his destruction, and nothing in comparison to the pain the loss of Spike had caused her.. In fact, and not surprisingly, she was more hurt by his betrayal at not telling her of the apocalypse he himself had caused. It was Giles who had come to her about it, days after the event itself had actually happened, when he was told about it by one of the younger, LA based watchers, in the newly formed Watcher’s council that Giles had established. While the fate of both Angel and, unfortunately, Wesley, had been discovered, no one had known about Spikes reappearance into the world, let alone his second exit from it in battle.

At the moment, Buffy was patrolling one of the many Roman cemeteries, thinking of the events, or what little she knew of them, that led to the Los Angeles battle. However, ‘patrolling’ was not really a term that could describe her form of absent minded, stake twirling walking, the same walking that resulted in her being knocked to the ground by a tall, cloaked figure. It took only a moment before she become aware of what had happened and was on her feet, fighting stance ready to go.

“Relax sweet cakes, I’m not here to fight, not really big on the violence” the figure told her. Buffy was shocked momentarily by this supposed demon’s friendly demeanour, being reminded of her encounter with the ever charming, Sweet. She did, however, lower her fists and relax her stance, giving the demon a chance to explain himself, while holding her stake at her side and at the ready.

“Thanks” the figure replied, noticing her relaxed posture, “As I said, I didn’t come here to fight, haven’t you ever head the phrase, ‘Don’t shoot the messenger?’” He asked, “I only came to give you this.” He told her, handing her a faded brown envelope

“What is it?” Buffy asked, eyeing the envelope suspiciously

“That, I can’t tell you. It was given to me by a once dear friend with the promise that I hand deliver it to you. It was important to him that you get it” the figure explained, slightly thrusting the envelope into Buffy’s hands. She looked down at it, feeling the weight of it in her hand. As she raised her head again to further question the stranger, he was walking off into the shadows muttering about ‘run-in’s with the slayer and sea breezes.’ Shaking her head in somewhat disbelief, Buffy turned around and headed for the direction of home, envelope in hand.

An hour later, Buffy, wrapped in her white bathrobe, walked out of her steamy bathroom into her bedroom, drying her wet hair with a towel as she did so. She eyed the envelope that was sitting on the comforter at the end of her bed, unsure of why it was that she was yet to open but at the same time curious as to its contents. Finally decided, she sat at the end of her bed, one leg crossed under her body and the towel she was using to dry her hair now lying abandoned on her bedroom floor. She picked up the envelope, once again feeling its weight. Peeling it open, slowly, she discovered what was causing the weight as an amulet fell out and onto her lap. Buffy’s eyes widened as recognition dawned on her and she realised it was his, Spike’s amulet. A sharp intake of air filled her lungs and her heart started pounding. Leaving the amulet lying on her lap, she pulled the remainder of the envelopes contents, a letter, out and into her hands. She noticed the neat, small, calligraphy scrawl immediately and with shining eyes, she began to read;

To my girl,
To my beautiful Buffy,
Slayer,

Dearest Buffy,
Believe it or not, as far as ‘bloody awful poet's’ go, this one was never that good with words. I’m not sure how to go about this love, so I will just do it the Spike way and get to the point; if you are reading this letter then it means I’m gone...uh, again.

When I died fighting off the nasties in the hell mouth, it wasn’t really a permanent thing, the ‘powers that be,’ right poofters that they are, messing with peoples un-lives like that, decided to bring me back and for some ungodly reason sent me to LA with Peaches.

I swear to you right now Slayer, coming and finding you was the first thing I thought about, and believe me I tried, but some wankers up there thought it would be a great idea to bring me back all spook like, an incorporeal ghost who couldn’t leave the city borders.
It was right cruel thing to do love, you don’t understand. And yeah when I got my hot little body given back to me, I had time to think about things...
I spent a year telling you that you were a creature of the night, someone who belonged in the shadows with me, but you don’t. You are pure light Buffy, a beautiful woman made up of sunshine, and you deserve a normal life, one with the husband, 2.5 kids, a white pickets fence and someone who can make you smile the way you deserve. I was never someone who could give that to you, and I know its not my choice to decide what it is you do with your life, and I sound like captain forehead when I say this, but all I want is for you to be happy.

This fight, the one I’m going into, I need to be here for it. There was a reason I was sent here, and I think this battle was it. I know you’ll understand that, that saving this world is what is important. (I mean, its such a nice world with walking happy meals to pick off at your heart’s desire, remember?).

I want you to know that I am so sorry for everything I ever did to hurt you. If I could take it all back, you know I would. You are such an amazing woman, and hearing those three words from your perfect mouth was the greatest moment o f my un-life. I just want to thank you for that.

I love you, always have been and always will be the slayers lap dog.
Goodbye MY girl,
Love always,
William

As she read the last words of Spikes letter, tears that she had been holding back for the last few minutes, the last few months, without him, fell from her eyes. He had been alive. He had been alive, and she hadn’t known. And now, she had to go through the pain of losing him all over again. Her thundering heart felt like it had a knife run through it as her breath came in short, pain filled gasps and the sound of her sobs filled the silent bedroom. Her tears, the tears of pain, sadness, betrayal, that fell from her eyes landed on his letter, smudging his words, and fell onto the amulet that was still on her lap.

Without Buffy noticing, the amulet began to glow. Brighter and brighter it got, until Buffy was pulled out of her anguish by the light that had taken over her room. Before she could even question what was happening, the room began spinning, the light from the amulet turning her bedroom into what looked like nothing more than smudged colours of an oil painting. A loud bang echoed, in the room or in her head she wasn’t sure, and everything went pitch black.

Minutes of what sounded like the screaming of trains, or planes, or some other form of heavy machinery, combined with the ‘whoosing’ sound of air at fast speed, and Buffy landed with a thud. She opened her eyes and tried to look around, but her vision was blurred. She blinked, trying to clear it, but nothing helped. Having no idea where she was, she was placed her hands on the ground underneath her and raised her body into a crouching position, before standing on shakey legs. Still with blurred vision, Buffy looked around, trying to figure out where she was. She began to turn, slowly, in a circle, surveying the area but stopped, standing still in her place. She stared at what was in front of her, blinking in again to clear her vision, unsure of what she was seeing was real.

“Mummy?” Buffy asked, her voice barely a whisper

“Yes honey, it’s me.”

TBC

Chapter three: Second Time Around

Chapter three: Conversations with Dead People

Wide eyed, Buffy stared at the person in front of her; Joyce, her mother. Blinking once again, her visionally finally cleared, she could see the person in front of her was definitely her mother. She had Joyce’s soft, brown eyes, and the same kind smile that only a mother could posses. Wearing a long, white dress, with a soft light emitting from the air around her, she nodded slightly in confirmation.

“Where are we?” Buffy asked, her voice was low, not out of fear but out of what felt like lack of use.

“We’re in Sunnydale Honey.” Buffy began to shake her head in protest, but Joyce continued, “It seems that the amulet that Spike sent you, and the Powers, still have something left in them to give. At the moment, we are back in time, to the day of your resurrection.”

Pausing for a moment to let the information she had just been given sink in, Joyce watched as Buffy looked at her surroundings once more. Realisation dawned on her face as she realised that this was, in fact, where she had been buried. Looking down at the ground she had just forced herself up from, Buffy realised it had been shifted, with mounds lying all around her and her own headstone, only a few feet from where she was standing. Again, Buffy began to shake her head; she had lived through this once, they could not force her to go through it all again. Seemingly reading her mind, Joyce began to speak again;

“This is your chance to change things Buffy. When Spike sent you the amulet, he didn’t know this would happen. No one knew this would happen, but everything that happened in the past, to you, to your friends, you can change it. Stop what happened from happening again.”

“I...” Buffy began, but nothing would come out. She knew this was Joyce, and she knew what she was hearing was the truth.

“This time, I have made sure you don’t have to dig out of your grave. I could let you go through that again” Joyce told her, filling in the words that Buffy could not. Buffy looked down, she was covered in dirt and her hands were bleeding, but she was out. A teary, yet grateful smile appeared on her face.

“I have to go now sweetie, I was never meant to stay long. But just remember, I love you, and I know you can do this” Joyce told her, blowing her a kiss. Buffy looked down, trying to compose her thoughts and work out what to say. She raised her head again to speak, but Joyce was gone. In the distance , she heard a scream.

“Oh crap” Buffy said, not at all impressed. The moment with her mother momentarily put out of her head, as Buffy recounted the events of the night of her resurrection.

Danger? Check.

Demons crashing Sunnydale? Check

Friends in danger? Check

Everything was happening exactly as it had the first time around and there was no doubt in Buffy’s head that this was for real. She sighed, tore the bottom off her dress allowing for freer movement, and ran to the place where she knew her friends would be waiting. And, just as it happened then, her friends were surrounded by a pack of biker demons, looking for blood.

“Hey, looking for someone?” Buffy asked, causing the pack to turn around in her direction

“Ha ha, what is this? Another robot?” The pack leader asked. He turned back around to face Willow and the gang, “I must admit, you did a pretty good job on these things, I might have to keep one as a souvenir for the boy’s back home to have some fun with.” The other members of the group all snickered as the leader turned back to face Buffy

“Now, should I rip your head off or just short circuit you? I’m sure I could find an Evian bottle around here somewhere”

“Actually, I was thinking we could fight. I’d snap your neck, grab the knife that’s hanging from your belt and stab one of your other guys in the heart while my friends here tag team biker number three, what do you think?” Buffy replied, arms crossed in a nonchalant gesture. The leaders smirk turned into a glare as he lunged. Seemingly unprepared by the overwhelming smell of human that greeted him, he was thrown off guard, making it easy for Buffy to deliver a round house kick to his chest, forcing him backwards before she got him in a head lock and snapped his neck. As he fell to the ground, she grabbed his knife that was hanging from his belt and turned around, forcing it through the chest of the second demon that was coming up behind her.

Her friends who, seemingly, had recovered from the shock of seeing her were all busy jumping on the third member of the pack and, by the sounds of his struggling moans, Buffy knew it wouldn’t be long before he too was taking care of. Seeing that things were under control, Buffy ran in the direction of the place she knew she would be needed next.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Being back at the tower that had originally been the scene of her death brought back a flood of memories for Buffy. The last two years flashed through her mind, and she knew that this was her chance to change everything. To make it better. To let her gift of life, of a second chance, to be just that, not something dark that she carried around inside herself.

“Buffy?” She heard her sister’s voice behind her and turned around to meet her gaze, “Buffy, it’s really you.”

Dawn ran forward, embracing her sister and Buffy fell to the ground with the force of Dawn’s hug. Buffy didn’t speak, simply held Dawn until her tears stopped and her grasp loosened. When Dawn pulled away from her just enough to look into her eyes, Buffy smiled.

“Let’s go home Dawnie,” and they both stood and began to walk.

When Buffy and Dawn walked through the door of 1630 Revello drive, Buffy looked around at all the things she had thought she would never see again; the photo’s, the furniture, the slightly different coloured bits of wall that Xander had repaired after a demon attack... everything. She sighed; she was home. She walked around her house, Dawn of course following closely behind her, as Buffy led them into the bathroom.

Buffy let Dawn go about her business of cleaning up Buffy’s hands, listening to her nervous chatter as she tried to deal with the fact that Buffy was alive again. Buffy wanted to say something, she really did, but she was busy dealing with her own nerves, waiting with baited breath for the moment she knew would be coming soon. It was only moments, but it felt like forever.

“Dawn!” his voice thundered from the bottom of the stairs. Dawn sighed, knowing what trouble awaited her, and went down the stairs to greet him. Buffy waited a few moments, trying to compose her breathing, and followed after her sister.

“You! I could kill you.” He screamed at Dawn, the worry in his voice more than evident. Buffy’s breath hitched in her throat and her steps faltered momentarily as the knowledge that it was really him, really her Spike, sunk in.

‘Spike” she heard Dawn say

“No, I’m serious,” Spike continued on his rant, “I could rip your head off one handed and drink from your brain stem” he told her, his hand actions mimicking his threat.

“Spike, look” Dawn pleaded once more

“Yeah, I’ve seen the bloody bot before, didn’t think she’d patch up so...” He stopped. Buffy saw the realisation on his face, and wondered if he could hear her pounding heartbeat. She walked down the rest of the stairs in order to stand directly in front of him, begging him with her eyes to believe that it was really her. The look of awe that she had taken for granted the first time around plastered his features again, but this time it was mirrored in her own features. It wasn’t just him getting her back; it was her getting Spike back too. Buffy waited a few moments in silence, staring into his blue eyes as they bore into her own. She knew the second, however, that the moment was broken as his eyes snapped away from her eyes and down to her hands as he smelt the blood.

“Her hands” He stated, speaking to Dawn, but not taking his eyes off Buffy.

“Yeah, I was gonna fix ‘em up, I don’t know how they got like that” She explained to him

“I do, you had to dig out of your grave, didn’t you.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement, and the first time he had met her eyes since there moment was broken earlier.

“Yeah, that’s what I had to do” Buffy replied. So, it wasn’t entirely true this time around, but what was she meant to say? Nah, of course I didn’t, my dead mother met me at my grave and pulled me out so I wouldn’t remember it just as I was sent back in time from Rome. Yeah, that would go down a treat. Best to just keep things as close to this time’s ‘normal’ as possible. For a while, at least.

Spike looked at Dawn, “Grab some supplies; mercurochrome, bandages”

Dawn nodded to him, before walking into the kitchen. Spike signalled for Buffy to go into the living room and as she did so, she could feel his presence following closely behind her, and the hand that wasn’t quite touching her back, leading her. He sat her down on the couch and sat on the table directly in front of her. He took her hands into his, being as careful and as gentle as she remembered him being. Buffy was surprised at how clear her memory of this night was. She wasn’t sure if it was simply due to good memory, the fact that this particular night had always been fresh to her mind, even years later, or if, now, she was more on her game and actively trying to remember the way things were, now she knew how she could change them.

She sighed as she could feel the coolness of his hands in her own, the temperature of them vastly different than the last times their hands were interlocked, his thumbs rubbing small circles into her skin. She struggled holding her tears back at finally being able to touch him again, tears which, she was sure, Spike misinterpreted.

“How long was I gone?” She asked, unsure as to why she did so, but putting it down to wanting to hear the emotion in his voice as he answered her, needing to know for sure that this was the Spike that loved her.

“Hundred and forty seven days yesterday, a hundred and forty eight today, ‘cept today doesn’t count, does it?’ he told her, not missing a beat. The smile and look of awe on his face almost broke her heart as she felt it constricting in her chest, aware of the amazing miracle and second chance she had been given. She opened her mouth to whisper his name, and raised her hand to cup his cheek. Unfortunately, time had other plans.

“Is she here??” It was Willows voice, almost completely drowned out by the sound of the door being forced open and the other members of the Scooby gang piling in it after her. Spike immediately stood up and walked out the door, without saying a single word to her or any other person in the room. Resisting the urge to go after him, still vaguely afraid that this was some beautiful dream she would wake up from, without him by her side, Buffy decided that now was not the time. She knew what this moment needed from her, and decided she would sneak out later to see Spike again.

Just as she remembered it, the gang started firing questions from her at all angles. As overwhelming as it all was, she couldn’t help but fill with warmth. It was good to see her friends, Anya, so full of life, without the scars, both emotional and physical, and pain of the final battle.

“Guys, back off” Dawn’s voice rose above the rest. Buffy smiled, her sister really was on the way to becoming a very mature woman.

“She, she’s right, we should just let Buffy tell her what she needs” Willow said. Everyone went quiet, waiting for Buffy’s reply. Buffy stood still for a few moments, surveying her group of friends in silence. She knew that one of the first things she would have to deal with was Willow’s overuse of magic, and then revealing to her friends what Willow had actually taken her away from. It wasn’t something she wanted to do, by any means, but in order for Willow to see how badly the power of magic was affecting her, she needed to know the full damage of what she had done. Now, Buffy wouldn’t have given up anything that had happened to her in the past, for it was what had brought her to this moment, this second chance. But some things needed to be fixed, and there were only a few ways that could be done. Making her decision that, for tonight, as far as her friends were concerned, enough had been done and she would deal with some of the bigger problems at a later date, Buffy gave Willow and the gang a slightly sad smile.

“I think I’m just going to go to bed, I’m kind of tired” Buffy told them all, heading in the direction of the staircase.

“Sure, I mean, jet lag from hell has gotta be, you know, jet lag from hell’ Anya chirped up in her own ‘helpful’ way. Buffy‘s lips tugged upwards in a genuine, fond smile. She didn’t realise how much she had missed Anya. Without saying a word, she began to walk up the stairs.

“Buffy, be glad, we got you out” Willow said, a somewhat forced optimism clouding her voice.
Buffy didn’t answered, merely sighing inwards at the idea that this time around, she would have to tell them all the truth, sooner rather than later. She gave them one last smile, hugging each member of the Scooby gang as she did so, and wordlessly headed up to bed. Regardless of everything, it was so good to have them all back.

“See, she’d gonna be fine, she used to go to bed all the time” Buffy could hear Willow’s voice from the bottom of the stairs. She knew she was trying to convince herself of that fact, more than anyone else.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Buffy lay in bed for a few hours, listening to the random bits of conversation she was able to pick up from the floor below. All about her, of course. The force and self control it took her not to walk down the stairs and join them all, talking like everything was fine, as she now felt, was one of the hardest things she had done of late. Although now, she was fine, she had dealt with the loss of Heaven and the return to life and was so much more than thankful to be back here for her second chance, Buffy knew she couldn’t just go acting like everything was ok when she knew, thanks to her future knowledge that things were actually far from it. The hours she spent in bed, waiting for the rest of the household members to retire, were spent thinking about how she would go about things, trying to pinpoint what went wrong and where, and what she would do to stop the same things happening a second time around. There were so many things but, as far as Buffy could tell, they would be ok this time.

They had to be.

When her sister, Willow and Tara had gone to bed, and Xander and Anya had left, Buffy waited in bed for an hour longer, making sure everyone was definitely asleep before getting up and getting dressed. The first thing on her list, and the main reason she was back here, couldn’t wait a moment longer. Buffy felt the nerved building as she finished putting her clothes on and headed down the stairs. She quickly scribbled a note to Dawn and put it on the fridge, not saying where she was going, only that she would be back soon and not to worry.

Taking one more deep breath to calm her nerves, sliding her jacket across her shoulders for warmth, Buffy headed out the front door and began the short walk to her vampire’s crypt.

TBC

Chapter four: Being Saved

When Buffy got to the cemetery, she stood at the door of Spikes crypt for a few minutes, composing herself and trying to calm her nerves, before she gently pushed open the door and went inside.

Spike was down in the lower level of his crypt, pacing and trying to deal with the thoughts that were consuming his head. How could they? She was at peace, and that bloody witch had to go and cock it up just because she wasn’t able to leave well and good alone. She was at peace and now she was truly in hell. Spike reached the wall and threw his fist out, connecting with the pole and breaking the concrete off the edges. He looked at his hand, now shaking and covered in blood, and laughed.

He heard his crypt door open, breaking him from his thoughts. Looking around briefly he grabbed a knife and silently climbed up to the lower level. When he got there, he didn’t see a demon as expected; instead he was greeted with the vision of his real life angel. Buffy; He couldn’t believe she was back, and he hated his own selfishness at being happy over that fact.

She turned around and looked at him. The breath he didn’t need leaving his throat as he was once again in awe of her being back.

“You should be careful, never know what kind of villains got a knife to your back” he told her, shifting his hand slightly so she was able to see the blade he was holding. She simply smiled at him, before the smile was wiped away when she noticed he was bleeding.

“Your hand is hurt” She told him, remembering this familiar interaction between them

“hmm, same to you”

“Right” she said, this time choosing not to put her hands behind her back. She wasn’t hiding anything from him.

“Willow’s getting pretty strong isn’t she? Bringing you back, it’s hard to get a good nights death around here”
Buffy didn’t say anything in reply, but frowned as she realised that other people had also noticed what she had failed to previously. She would have to deal with Willow, sooner rather than later.

“You can sit down, it’s your furniture” he told her, and she took a seat in a very familiar velvet green chair, trying not to blush at the memories she had involving said chair. “You should see downstairs too, it’s quite posh” he continued. Buffy opened her mouth to speak, about to say ‘I remember’ but chose not to. Besides the obvious reason, she knew that he needed to get this off his chest.

“I do remember what I said, the promise, to protect her. If I had done that...even if I didn’t make it... you wouldn’t have had to jump. But, I want you to know, I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but after that” his brow crinkled in obvious pain at his owns words, “I’d see it all again, I’d do something different; faster, more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways, every night I save you.” He finished.

Tears started to roll down her cheeks. Buffy remembered this conversation from the first time, and while it had meant little to her back then, this time it almost killed her to hear it. She now knew what it was like to lose someone you loved, to save them night after night in dreams you knew could never become reality, just as she had continued to save Spike from burning in the hell mouth. She felt his pain, and knew what those words meant to him.

Spike looked up, unsure of what to say or do next and mentally kicking himself for exposing such a weak moment to Buffy. When he did raise his eyes to her, he saw that she was crying. He walked over to her and put his hand under her chin in a gesture far more forward than anything he had tried before, and raised her face to meet his eyes.

“Sorry luv, I didn’t mean to make you cry” he told her, removing his now swollen hand from her soft face

“Spike” Buffy spoke his name softly, so softly that had it been any other person, they wouldn’t have heard it, “You have saved me. I know you don’t understand that now, but you have saved me” she stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his chest. She felt him hesitate for a moment, clearly not knowing what to do, before he returned her gesture. Spike didn’t mean to, but he started to cry. For the moment, he didn’t care, he was just so happy to have her back. He didn’t care if she hated him, or was about to beat him into a pulp, just that she was alive. They both fell to the floor of the crypt together, arms still wrapped tightly around each other; new tears began to form in Buffy’s eyes as well.

She cried because she was happy to have Spike in her arms again. She never thought she would have a moment like this again. All those nights without him, crying herself to sleep, feeling nothing but pain at the hole in her heart that his absence created, knowing she would never be able to fill it. But now, she would be able to fill it, now she had him back. She had been given a second chance, Spike had given her a second chance; without even knowing it, he had saved her.

They stayed in each others arms for what felt like hours (but never long enough), until Spike calmed himself down and stopped crying. He pulled away from her and angrily wiped his eyes, clearly unhappy at having broken down in front of her, embarrassed and terrified of what she would say next.

“Spike...” Buffy began. She heard him sigh, assuming that she was about to lay into him for the moment of weakness they both just shared.

“Thank you” she told him, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on his cheek. As she pulled away, his wide, shocked eyes made her smile.

“Thank you for always being here when I need you.”
Not knowing what else to do, Spike raised his eyes to hers, and smiled.

“I’ll always be right here with you” Buffy gasped slightly at his words, a perfect echo to those that he had said to her every night in his dreams, right before he left her forever, “Like it or not, you’re stuck with me pet” At that, she smiled. Her dreams had definitely lacked a certain Spike-esque sarcasm.

The pair were silent for a few moments, neither knowing what to say. Buffy was fighting against every fibre of her body that screamed at her ‘to hell with it, just wrap your hands around him and take him’ she knew that, if their relationship had any chances of working, it would have to start slowly; for both their sakes. Spike too was facing an eternal dilemma; he had no idea what was causing this random change in Buffy’s behaviour; he wasn’t against it, but any means, but she was certainly a different girl that the one who had been taken from him months before. Beginning to wonder if it wasn’t a twisted after effect of the resurrection spell, Spike was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of Buffy’s frustrated sigh. His forehead wrinkled slightly as he observed her, wondering what was going through her head

“I should go” she told him

“oh.” Of course, he should have been expecting it, she probably just realised what it is she had done and who she had done it with, and the hatred and disgust was probably beginning to course through her once again. Without meaning to let it, a slight feeling of anger took him over

“whatever Slayer, hope it wasn’t too horrible for you, being here and all”

Buffy’s eyes widened in shock at his random change in behaviour, before realising that this Spike, having experience with the Buffy of this time, would automatically be defensive in light of her strange behaviour. She smiled softly at him, noticing the anger melt out of his features, to be once again replaced by confusion

“Actually Spike, I kinda like it here, you’re right, its quite....’posh’” she told him, echoing his words from before. He laughed a little at that. “Look, I’m really sorry, I don’t regret coming here tonight, there were a lot of things we needed to say to each other, and I think we started to do that, but if I don’t get home the gang will worry, and someone has to help Dawn get ready for school and I should be there with her” that thought struck Buffy as strange- Dawn had been coping without her for months, and would still manage to even if she wasn’t around now. But, Buffy knew how much her absence, and what’s more, her less than active presence had effected Dawn last time, and wanted now to make things right.

“But, if you want, there’s something I want to talk to everyone about. Maybe you could come to the magic box? Tomorrow... after sunset of course” She giggled nervously. This wasn’t something she wanted to do, ever, but she needed to do it, and she wanted him there when she did.

“Um yeah, sure thing slayer, I’ll be there”

“Good, well... I should go... See you tomorrow Spike” Buffy leaned up, kissing him lightly on the cheek, before turning and walking out of his crypt.

Spike just stood there. Without thinking, he ran his left hand through his hair, loosening his gelled curls, wincing at the pain in his hand as he did so. He sighed; of all the nights in his long existence, this definitely rated as out of the ordinary.


Buffy had left the crypt without turning to look back at him, knowing that had she done so, she wouldn’t have had the strength to leave him for the night. She ran home, completing the journey in only minutes and, for old times sakes, entered her bedroom through the window. Undressing, combing the knots out of her hair, and hopping into bed, all of which was done while on auto-pilot, Buffy’s thoughts on the day had not stopped. She just kept playing every moment; the green demon, the letter, her mother, the fight, her friends, Spike...Spike... all of it. It was such a miracle, yet at the same time she was afraid, actually afraid, that it would not last. This was her chance to change things, and she would not pass that up. It would be different; she would make sure of it. Starting with tomorrow, and the thing she should have told her friends the first time, she would make things better. If only it was going to last....

That night, Buffy did not sleep.

TBC