Hotel Room Number Six

By: Saltygoodness

Summary: One-shot fic about an affair that became more. Spuffy. Of course!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot. Joss Whedon, ME, and UPN own everything else. Please don't sue me! What would you do with a whole $20.00 anyway?

Spuffiness rules all…

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In room number six at the Sunnydale motel; two prone figures laid motionless on the single aged bed that stood against the wall. Light from the moon filtered in throw the window adjacent to the bed and lit up the room like a hundred tiny candles. All was quiet. All except for to wildly beating hearts of a man and a woman still joined as one.

Spike Mason stared blankly at the ceiling above him, his brilliant blue eyes studying the spots of mildew that lined the slowly caving roof. His platinum blonde hair shone brightly in the dark shadows enveloping the corner of the room in which the bed was positioned. Taking large gulps of air, the young man tired to calm his fatigued body down.

He blinked several times before turning his head to gaze down at the sleeping woman nestled comfortably in his arms. Her beautiful face was buried against his bare chest and her eyelids were closed, hiding the pretty hazel orbs that would always make him lose himself in her. He had one arm under his pillow and the other loosely draped over her tiny body. His chin was resting on top of her golden head, as he listened to her steady breathing while she slept- a ghost of a smile illuminating her whole face.

A thousand and one thoughts raced through his mind. One was standing out from all the rest. One that he knew would eventually be resolved. Soon he would have to come clean about all the lies, deception, and cheating he had committed. At this, he lifted his left hand out from under his pillow and brought it up in front of his handsome face. The simple golden band wrapped around his finger glinted in the light from the moon. A tiny spark of light bounced off the band and directly into his eyes, causing him to shut them tightly.

Adultery. That's what they call it-when you're married. When you commit such a pity crime of sexual indiscretion. Like he did. Like he was. Spike couldn't even think about the way Dru would act if she ever found out. She would be ashamed, humiliated by their friends and family, and embarrassed by the looks she would receive from the others that knew them. She would hate him. But why shouldn't she? He had promised to forsake all others for only her when they had said those vows, and he hadn't lived up to his end of the bargain. She should hate him. He sure as hell did. Because even though a tiny voice in the back of his head yelled and screamed and told him how wrong he was, but a bigger, more pronounced little voice said that he didn't care.

He remembered when he and Dru were happy. Before life fucked everything up and they became jaded. Before he stopped loving her. Before he met his golden goddess. It just started out as an affair- something purely physical. That was the one thing that kept him from going insane in the beginning- the fact that he truly loved Dru, and his relationship with Buffy was just meaningless sex. But all that changed the night he realized he was in love with her. That was the night his whole world fell apart.

He opened his eyes after a few moments, turning his attention back to the blonde woman at his side. He lowered his head and planted a soft, feather-like kiss atop her golden locks. God, he loved this woman. He loved her more than he had ever loved his wife and that thought alone made his stomach wrench. He knew that he could never leave her- not even if he tried. And deep down, he was sure that if Dru ever found out about what he had been doing, and decided she could forgive him if he would just break it off with Buffy, he wouldn't do it. He couldn't do it.

Buffy stirred in her sleep, snuggling farther into his chest and wrapping her thin arms around his flat torso tightly, as if he might disappear while she slept. She made a soft, an almost inaudible sound, whispering the three words that would always haunt him whenever he went home and crawled into bed with Dru. "I love you."

And even thought he knew better- even though he knew he shouldn't say it, he couldn't deny her.

"I love you, too."

The words hung in the air of the warm summer night, making it harder to breathe, seemingly vacuuming all the air out of the dingy little room with a shiny brass number six on the outside of the door. How the hell did life get so bloody complicated? How the hell could he live this big huge lie conveniently disguised as his life? How the hell was he supposed to go on living his life in a loveless marriage when all he so desperately wanted to do was stay here, in this old bed, wrapped in the arms of the woman he loved more than anything in this life?

Reaching down, he pulled the covers up over their nude bodies, pulling Buffy closer to him in the process. She was never close enough to sate his lust for her. He was sure nothing ever could. But one fact that lingered in the back of his mind plagued him whenever he touched her.

She deserved better.

She was a nineteen-year-old college student at US Sunnydale. She had friends, family, and tons of boys lined up outside her dorm room ready to knock down her door to get a date with her. She had her whole life ahead of her. She didn't need to be wasting her life being the other woman to a married twenty-five-year-old, who didn't have the balls to leave his wife for fear of her hating him. It wasn't fair to her, not at all. She should be out enjoying life, exploring possibilities, and just having fun. Why did she want to be here in this dank hotel room making love with him? Because that's what it was-right from the beginning. Never, ever was it just meaningless sex between them as he tried so hard to convince himself. It was always making love with Buffy.

He knew she felt it when he left her in the morning. She felt the cold hard stab of jealous driving into her heart. What he didn't know was that she would sit in her lectures and wonder what he was doing at that very minute. Was he at work? Was he at home with her? Having sex with her? And some nights she would be right, even though she would never ask. She could never find the right words to because she never wanted him to know that she was jealous. That everyday when she woke up in his warm muscular embrace, she feared that he would suddenly realize that he doesn't really love her and want to end their relationship and rebuild his marriage. That she wants to beg him to not go home, to stay with her forever and not feel ashamed about what he was doing with her. That she secretly wished every minute of the day that he would divorce Dru and marry her. No, she would never tell him that.

Now, as the darkness of the night sky shadowed the two lovers' faces, Spike Mason finally gave into the feeling of fatigue that loomed over his entire being. And in the gently, loving embrace of his beloved, Buffy Summers, he found peace, love, and life. He gave her his heart and she to him. And they were loved, completely.

And tomorrow life would go on as it always does, things would go back to the seemingly normal, happy existence. And the two prone figures that lay motionless on the single aged bed that stood against the wall of room number six at the Sunnydale hotel would wait quietly for night to fall once more and meet up to consummate their love again.

Because even a marriage license couldn't stop true love.

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A/N: Whatcha think? I've never written anything like this before, and I'm trying my hardest to branch out and try new things. Please review!

Giving my love to all,

~Saltygoodness~

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The soft glow of the dozen or so candles illuminated the beautiful bedroom in a romantic fashion. The small petals of two bouquets of blood red roses littered the carpet and the four-poster bed with satin sheets. Music played in the background, mixing with the heavy breathing and passion-filled moans. Two people, a man and a woman moved in the rhythm of ages as they clutched on to the other’s naked body tightly, careful not to leave any marks for someone to notice.

Buffy Summers lay beneath her lover, blonde hair wildly about her head in a beautiful halo. Her bright hazel eyes stared up at him as he moved above her, inside her. Her tanned skin glistened with sweat from their exertion and her pink lips were swollen from passionate kisses. Her slender arms were wrapped firmly around his broad shoulders and rose up and down with his every thrust, filling her completely. The silky satin sheets draped across his lower back, covering both of their bodies from the cool summer breeze filtering in through the slightly open window.

Her legs wrapped around his waist, feet locking them in place. The new position gave him a better angle and he penetrated her deeper, hitting the special spot inside her reserved only for him. Her eyes slammed shut as she hollered out his name, uncaring that her neighbors might be able to hear them through the thin drywall. His thrusts quickened as they both neared their climax. He buried his blonde head in the hollow of her throat, mumbling intelligible adorations as her kissed, licked, and sucked her soft skin. She mewled in pleasure.

Their interlaced fingers tighten as they both came, together, as always. Buffy screamed, as her orgasm washed over her, burning her from the inside out. Her body shook with passion and her toes curled into balls where they rested at the small of his back. She sucked in large gulps of much-needed air as she repeated the single thought that she was reduced to every time he touched her. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

He smiled into her neck after he came back down from his orgasmic bliss, kissing her there lovingly. “I love you too.” He whispered into her ear with more conviction than he ever said anything in his life. “Love you so much.”

She smiled at his admission as her nuzzled her neck, planting wet open-mouth kisses in various places. This had to be heaven. She thought. He placed a few more loving kisses before pulling out of her and rolling to the side. She moaned as her slipped from her opening and watched as he removed the thoroughly used condom before tying it off and depositing it in the bedside trash. He didn’t lie back down beside her though, but instead reached for his forgotten clothes as he stood up.

“You’re leaving?” She asked, sitting up while she held the sheet to her chest. She waited afraid of his response and yet, she already knew the answer.

“I promised Dru I’d be home in time to discuss the house she found in L.A.” He responded, pulling his black jeans over his slender hips and zipping them up. His bare chest glowed like ivory in the moonlight streaming in through the opened curtains of her apartment. She loved the way the light played off his chiseled six-pack and how it contrasted from the dark color of his flat nipples. He was beautiful.

But he wasn’t hers.

“Can’t you stay for a little while longer? I wanna hold you.” She said, making sure her love for him was shinning through her eyes brighter than any fire.

“Buffy...” He said, begging her with his ocean blue eyes to not ask him to stay. He wouldn’t be able to deny her if she asked him to stay.

“I know. I know.” She said, closing her eyes briefly to force back the tears threatening to fall, clutching the sheet to her body closer in an attempt to hide her jealousy. “I just-I just...”

He smiled kindly at her as he buttoned up his now wrinkled dress shirt. He came to her and kissed her lips fervently, pouring every ounce of love her felt for her into the kiss. He knew that she needed to know that he loved her. And he did. More than anything.

“I know.” He told her.

She opened her eyes and looked him square in the face. Nervousness vibrated through her being as she asked him the next question. “What are you going to do if she gets the house?”

She had never asked him that question before, even though they both knew she thought about every moment since he had first informed her of the possibility of him and Dru moving away. He looked her in the eyes and saw the fear she held in them. The fear of losing him, the fear of him not loving her back. He hated the fact that he was the cause for it. “Then I’ll be moving to L.A.”

Her expression was unreadable. Then it was disbelieving. Then impossibly hurt beyond the telling of it. She flinched away from him like she’d been slapped in the face. She scurried off the bed and stood up so it stood between them, the sheets askew. She saw the look of bewilderment on his beautifully chiseled face. Anger rose inside her.

“That’s it then, isn’t it? You’re just going to pick up and move away? Leave me to clean up the mess?” She hissed venomously.

“What other choice do I have, Buffy?!” He pleaded with her to understand.

“You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to move away and pretend to be happy with a woman you don’t love. You could stay...with me.” She finished quietly, blinking rapidly to fore back tears. She ran her fingers through her long blonde hair in an attempt to calm her nerves. It didn’t work. The room fell into an uneasy silence.

She began to quietly reach for her clothes that lay scattered across the room. She picked up her shirt and pulled it over her head, only to realize that in his haste to remove her of all clothing, he had ripped it down the middle. Their wild, passionate lovemaking was absolutely amazing, but damn! Did he have to destroy every piece of clothing she owned? She sighed, tossing the shirt back to the floor and kicked it away from her in an angry huff.

“I’ll buy you a new one.” He said, his voice raspy from not speaking.

“I don’t want a new one!” She shouted, not looking at him. Her hardened words cut his heart. She wrapped her arms securely around her tiny frame, hugging the sheet to her as she stared down at the carpet thoughtfully. Her bright hazel eyes glazed over with a mixture of unadulterated hate and pure hurt.

His heart broke for her in every way that it already hadn’t been shattered into pieces.

“I hate her.” She whispered fiercely, looking up into his stormy blue eyes, while her own filled up with tears. Her small fists balled and her perfectly manicured nails-ones that any California blonde would be jealous of- dug into the soft flesh of her palms. She never felt the pain in her hands though, but she cowered to the immense pain in her heart.

“I know.” He nodded in understanding. Buffy had every right to hate his wife. She should hate him more though. It wasn’t Dru’s fault that he was a lying, cheating, no-good- husband. Dru should hate him too. She had the most reasons to, anyway. ’Cause at this point, she was looking more and more like the other woman to Buffy, and not the other way around.

“Sometimes I envy her so much it kills me.” She wept, frantically whipping at the fallen tears. “I sit and I think about you, and then I think about her. And it hurts. God, it hurts so much! And there’s nothing I can do about it. ‘Cause I can’t not see you. I think I would die if I were to not see you.”

The deep frown that clouded his handsome features then was just the latest in the unhappy expressions both lovers had shared. God, he was such a prat for hurting her like this. Why couldn’t he just let her go? He looked at her then.

And he knew why.

He loved her.

He wanted to hold her. He wanted to make all her tears go away. He quickly walked around the bed and reached for her. She pushed him away from her though, and pulled back from him. Turning her back to him, she gazed out the window.

“I’m sorry.”

She turned back to look at him, a questioning expression on her beautiful face. “For what? For cheating on your wife? For not loving her enough? For loving me too much? For sleeping with me?” She asked, rattling off her insecurities on her fingers.

“For hurting you.” She didn’t answer, but instead returned her attention back to the open window behind her.

“I’m sorry too.” She amended, turning back around to look at him. “For what I said about Dru. It-it wasn’t my place.”

“Yeah, it was.” He breathed, running a hand through his platinum blonde locks. She sighed loudly.

“No. No, it wasn’t. I shouldn’t hate her. I don’t. I just...She has everything I’ve ever wanted in my entire life. How could I not feel a little envy?” She reasoned, avoiding his rain-washed, passion-filled eyes. He was quiet, so she continued.

“And now you’re gonna move away to L.A. and I’ll pro’lly never see you again. I just don’t know what the hell to do, really. I’m losing you.” She said, almost weeping. Their eyes locked and a meaningful expression was shared between them, and her face contorted in pain and she let the tears finally come.

He walked over to her then. Grabbing her bony shoulders, he forced her to look him in the eyes. He needed to know that she heard what he was about to confess to her. She needed to hear it and so did he. Their lives were getting so twisted and they couldn’t keep their stories straight anymore. What was right? What was wrong? Were did they draw the line in between the two? When did everything get so confusing?

Silence penetrated the air around them, suffocating them with its intoxicating feel. The fire that burned between them intensified and they both gasped. Buffy swallowed back the lump in her throat and waited for him to say something, anything. She watched him, her vision blurred from her shed tears. She was relieved when he finally began to speak in hoarse tones.

“You’re not gonna lose me, Buffy. I love you. Nothin’s gonna change that. You are everything to me, luv. I would die if I were not with you. I do. Everyday when I have to leave you and go on about my life like I’ve never had the honor of being in the same room as someone like you. Like I’ve never touched a real goddess before. I die.

“And I hate it! I hate that I’m married to a woman I’m not capable of loving. I hate that I’m cheating on said woman with the woman I do love. I hate that I’m not good enough for you, and that I have to take you to some cheap-ass dinky motel with leaky ceilings to show you how much I wanna be with you. I hate the way I try to justify what I’m doing by thinking that I can’t stop it-that I can’t stay away from you. I could, if I really wanted to. But I don’t, and I wont. Ever. But do you know what I hate the most? Do you? That I have to hide it! That I can’t shout it to the entire world that I’ve finally found the woman of my dreams and she loves me back! That I can’t marry her, or give her the life she deserves so much because I don’t have the balls to leave my wife. I hate that my entire life is a complete lie.”

By the time he was finished, they were both panting for air, one from the exertion of his speech and the other from the powerful emotion that dripped from every syllable that came out of his mouth.

Buffy was worn out from just listening to his speech, and collapsed into his muscular arms. She buried her perfect face in his strong chest and wept. For them. For Dru. For their love. He wrapped her up in his arms and held her close; seemingly afraid she might disappear before him. He rubbed her back and whispered soothing adorations into her ear to try to comfort his love. “Please, luv. Please don’t cry. You know I hate it when you cry.”

“I know.” She mumbled into his dress shirt, as she toyed with the buttons that held it together. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to leave me- Not to go home to your wife, and certainly not to move to L.A with her. And maybe that makes me selfish, but you know what? I don’t give a damn!”

Pulling away from her slightly, while still keeping a hold of her shoulders, he looked into her brilliant hazel orbs, and was lost. She watched him, gazing into his stormy blue ones, equally as lost. She could tell he was about to say something important. She prayed that it wasn’t good-bye.

“If you ask me to stay, I will.” He stated, matter-of-factly, eyes never leaving hers.

Buffy saw the sincerity in his face and it made her shiver. She clutched to him for dear life; afraid she would fall over. She loved this man more than she would ever love anything in this life, and it pained her to finally realize that she would never have him. Not completely. In some unusual, but nonetheless reasonable way, Dru would always own him. Buffy believed that a person couldn’t be in love with two people at the same time, but she also believed in his love for her wholeheartedly. He loved her, truly he did, but he could never be hers.

At this thought she pulled away from his grasp. His face knotted with a look of pure confusion and he blindly reached out for her again. His hands grabbed on to her arms to stop her from fleeing.

And then she saw it.

Her eyes forced themselves to focus on his left hand. She saw the ring. She saw it like it was the first time she had ever laid eyes on it. The simple golden band wrapped around his finger glinted in the light from the moon. A recognition hit her for the first time. A tiny spark of light bounced off the band and directly into her eyes, causing her to shut them tightly.

In all the times she had seen his wedding ring, she had never really seen it. Not like she was now.

Adultery. That's what they call it-when you're married. When you commit such a pity crime of sexual indiscretion. Like they did. Like they were doing. Dru’s ring was on his finger, but Buffy’s heart was in his hands. They both knew it. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what the beautiful dark-haired woman who wore the matching gold band on her own left hand was feeling. Buffy wondered if she knew what her seemingly perfect husband did on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays in a dingy little room with a shiny brass number on the outside of the door, or in Buffy’s dorm room as they decided to commit the deed in today. His wife would probably be ashamed, humiliated by their friends and family, and embarrassed by the looks she would receive from the others that knew them. She would hate him. Both of them.

Because even though a tiny voice in the back of her head yelled and screamed and told her how wrong she was, a bigger, more pronounced little voice said that she didn't care. And she didn’t feel an ounce of guilt about it either. She loved this man, why should she want to share him with anyone or anything else? Including his wife.

But deep down she knew. What was right and wrong. He wouldn’t leave his wife, not even for her. And it hurt like hell, but she knew what she had to do.

She had to be strong.

So she kept this thought in her head as she looked him in the eyes and poured her heart out to him.

“Spike, I love you. I would give up anything I have to be with you, to be yours. To have you be mine.” She said the last sentence in a hushed voice, but she was sure that he was able to pick up on it. “You are my whole world. You’re the only thing that keeps me going each day. Just knowing that I’m gonna see you each day and hear you profess your love for me sends chills down my spine. You’re all I fucking think about...dream about. You’re in my gut, my throat. I’m drowning in you, Spike; I’m drowning in you.”

He smiled then, hearing just how much she loved him. He would never tire of hearing those words slip from her mouth like she had been saying them for years and years. He opened his mouth to say something to her when she put up her hand to show him she wasn’t quite finished yet.

“But I won’t ask you to stay.” She whispered with a newfound sense of power.

He looked at her baffled by her speech and at the last comment. Then his expression turned loving and he smiled a real, genuine smile that lit up all the shadows on his face. He nodded in understanding, and hugged her body to him tightly. “We don’t even know if Dru got the house yet.” He tried to reassure her, though nothing ever would.

She just smiled into his chest as she held him as close as possible to her, molding their bodies together. “I love you.” She whispered once again. She had to be sure that he knew undoubtedly. He had to believe her.

“I love you, too.” He said, giving her a gentle squeeze, before letting her go. He turned around, finished dressing and headed for the door. Just as he was about to reach for the doorknob, he turned back to her. “And I’ll be back.” He added.

Then he was gone.

Buffy stared after him for a few seconds, letting her mind and body fully adjust to the fact that his presence was no longer in the room with her. Her full, pink lips cracked slowly into a smile. It reached her eyes and lit them up like a jack-o-lantern on Halloween night. Her eyes filled up with the wonderful sense of hope and her body glowed with anticipation.

“I know.”


A/N: I was really gonna leave it a one-shot fic but my muse just wouldn’t shut the hell up about doing a chapter with more of a Buffy POV. Please review and tell me how I did. I might add one more chapter or two to the mix. Let me know if you want more.

Love To All,

Saltygoodness

The apartment was deserted. The spacious living room was void of all things belonging to the man who once occupied it. The television glowed softly in the darkness of the closed curtains and a gave gentle sense of emptiness to everything surrounding it. The coffee table was bare, the pictures were torn off the walls in what looked like a hurried frenzy, and the floor was litter with old pieces of clothing that were lost or forgotten as the person left in a winded haste.

The only person in the room was a tall, slender woman in three inch spiked heels that made a soft clink on the floor as she moved slowly toward the center of the room. She stopped as her body went slack and the travel bag that hung snugly on her bony shoulder slid to the wooden floor with a loud thump that echoed in the vacant space. Her long black business coat hung loosely on her very slim form and left her professional-looking suit open to the moonlight that was pushing past the cotton of the curtains.

She had long wavy hair that was dark and smooth. It was pulled away from her pretty face with a dozen or so pins, revealing her big brown eyes as they surveyed the room, head whipping back and forth. They were wide in confusion as her right hand flew up to her mouth, covering in with fingers adorned with perfectly manicured red nails and white tips. She gasped in shock when she realized what exactly occurred in the previous hours before her return from L.A.

She turned on her heals and marched back to the kitchen like a woman on a mission. Upon entering the room again, she stumbled gracefully over to the refrigerator, grabbing the over-sized handle and ripping it open in an angry rage. She grabbed at various objects in the small cooler before finally finding the object she was searching for. Pulling out the chilled bottle of vodka, she quickly poured herself a small amount into a nearby glass and staggered to a seat.

She sipped on the cool liquid and waited for the burn that would soothe her aching nerves. She grinned at the sensation as it slid down her throat. Then she noticed the large envelope sitting haphazardly on the kitchen table in front of her. Sitting the glass down, she reached over the table and snatched it up. Using her long nails, she was able to tear the tough paper material apart from it’s sticky seal and pulled the contents out. She grabbed the papers roughly, then watched as a tiny object flew out of the packet and fell to the floor where it rolled on it’s side to the counter. She gave chase to the tiny item, papers suddenly forgotten on the tabletop.

The woman knelt down in front of the counter and picked up the object, cradling it in her hand as she stood once more. Looking down at the simple golden wedding band that used to be wrapped around a finger on a left hand of the man that she married. But now there was no finger, and therefore no man that she married attached to it. Now, there was only a simple golden band that used to be a symbol of the love and adoration they once shared, clutched tightly in the shocked woman’s hand.

She stumbled backwards, running into the table and causing it to shake with the force of her shudders. Her free hand reached out blindly behind her, grabbing the glass with a small amount of alcohol in it. She brought it to her dark red lips and gulped down the powerful liquid quickly, grimacing from the bad after taste. When that wasn’t enough, she reached forward to the counter in front of her and snatched the half empty bottle, then brought it to her lips and swallowed every drop she could manage in one breathe. She slammed the bottle back down on the countertop, the sound ringing throughout the apartment.

She panted heavily from the lack of air as she wiped furiously at the tiny drops that had escaped her lips. Then turning around slowly, she grasped the newly remembered slips of paper that used to occupy the same envelope as the ring and brought them to her body. Her eyes focused on the handwritten words that lined the margins of the notebook paper, darting back and forth. A sudden expression of hurt crossed her face, but it was quickly replaced by a very deep look of vehemence and anger. By the last line of the letter, she was clutching the now wrinkled pieces of paper vehemently in her hand. For a moment her whole body went rigid. She let the papers slip form her grasp and fall to the floor softly. Then she opened her mouth, letting a ear-piercing scream that echoed loudly off the walls. She threw the ring, not caring where it landed.

She had suspected it for quite some time now. She knew her once faithful William was now a cheating, lying, gutless husband. More than one of her sources had informed her of this news. But to see it in writing, to hold his forgotten wedding band-she felt more betrayed at that very moment than in her whole life.

She used to love her husband, she honestly did. Life was complicated, though, and the past few mouths had been very hard on their marriage. Their separate careers took them both in two seceded paths, and she knew that William wondered about where it would take their marriage. But she never thought it would come to this. Through all the turmoil of work and real life getting in the way of things, she never imagined that he would ever leave her. Weeks of knowing he was sleeping around were survived by the single thought that wherever William went, whatever he did with any other woman didn’t matter because in the end he would always return back to their bed with her.

Now he would never be sleeping there again.

She had thought that the two of them buying a house in L.A. would be good for the both of them. She could get away from her hectic work schedule, and William could get away from the very source of the temptation to commit adultery- the girl. Dru knew for a fact that she lived in Sunnydale, and met him every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday night at the dingy Sunnydale Motel near the campus. Her sources confirmed this fact a while ago.

She just couldn’t get the house fast enough, and now he was gone.

She ran both hands through her hair, separating it from the pins and letting it fall wildly about her face like a mad woman. A long, unabridged sigh escaped her lips. The sound of defeat. She knew she lost. She had no idea to whom she lost, but she personally never wanted to find out. It was his life now, not hers and she knew she wouldn’t be able to take it if she knew who had been the one to replace her. Still the very thought of not knowing ate away at her very core. Her once buried insecurities came rushing to the surface and she began to have doubts. Who is she? Is she prettier than me? Was she better in bed than I was? What was so powerful about her hold on William that it would make him want to leave me? Why wasn’t I good enough? Why couldn’t I love him enough?

A single tear rolled down the slope of her pale cheek and she wiped at it furiously. The icy feel of gold touched her skin and she pulled her hand away from her face in shock. Her eyes immediately focused on the golden band that adorned her creamy flesh. She scowled at it before ripping it from her finger and tossing it to the floor indifferently.

She hated him. Him and his whore. And she wagered, she had every right to. He had deceived her, humiliated her, hurt her in a place she didn’t even know could be broken. And through it all, he did it with a seemingly perfect air about him. Like nothing was ever out of place. She wondered if the slut knew she was the other woman. William probably told her. Dru knew that he could never lie to anyone.

Except her.

Yes, Dru wagered that the woman knew that he was married, and probably didn’t care. She probably never gave his wife a second thought. And rightly so with the things they were certainly doing to each other. And if so, what kind of person did that make the girl? What kind of person did that make William? What kind of person did that make her?

Dru questioned if the girl loved him. Truly loved him, like he claimed to love her in the letter. She probably would have had to, Dru thought, My William wouldn’t just hurt me if he knew that the girl didn’t feel for him deeply.

That same thought repeated in her mind as she took the black ball-point pen and spelled out her name in a slender, cursive handwriting on the divorce papers that had been enclosed with the discreet dear john letter and ring. She would work out her anger, jealousy, insecurities, and hate issues later. Right now she had to do the only thing she believed was just in all this madness. If her sweet William wanted to be out of their marriage to love the girl, and no longer hurt her in the process, then she would release him from their legal binding.

She wouldn’t hold on to a love that had gone sour long before the cheating started. It would only bring heartache for everyone. And they had all been through enough heartache, she wagered, unconsciously feeling sorry for the young girl. She must have experienced a great deal of turmoil in her secret relationship with William. She smiled sardonically at the thought.

William used to be Dru’s. Now he was hers. It was only fair to let go.

And as she dotted her ‘I’s and crossed her ‘T’s, she set him free to love another.

Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS. Never did.

Irritatingly bright sunlight escaped the confines of the closed curtains on the large windows of the dorm room. The brightness was enough to ruse Buffy from a very pleasant sleep. Groaning, she rolled over on her right side, throwing an arm over her face to shield her eyes in the process. Ever so slowly, she lifted her arm and peeked at the alarm clock. The annoying bright red ‘10:30’ seemed to mock her in it’s own little sadistic way as she groaned loudly and tugged the covers back over her head.

Maybe if she closed her eyes really tight, and pretended to not exist, her problems would just go away…

Images of last weeks events popped into her mind. The soft glow of candles illuminating this very same room as Spike hovered above her, making love to her. The feelings he invoked in her. The house in L.A. The wedding ring…

What are you going to do if she gets the house?

Then I’ll be moving to L.A.

I just don’t know what the hell to do, really. I’m losing you.

You’re not gonna lose me, Buffy. I love you. Nothin’s gonna change that.

If you ask me to stay, I will.

Spike, I love you. I would give up anything I have to be with you, to be yours. To have you be mine.

But I won’t ask you to stay.

Nope, her problems were still exercising their weekly visitation rights…

She suddenly looked up when she heard the door open. Willow poked her head in and smiled when she realized her best friend was finally awake.

“Hey.” The redhead said, entering the room with handful of text books. She had obviously just finished with her morning classes. “How are you feeling?”

“Not so good.” Buffy responded, sitting up with her back against the headboard. She looked up at her friend with big shiny hazel eyes.

“Still no word from Spike?” Willow asked with a slight frown, tossing her books on her bed and plopping down next to them.

“Nope. No words. We’re wordless really.” Buffy explained, a smile tugging at the corners of her soft lips, but never really reaching her eyes. It’s been a week. A entire week and not one word from him. She thought sadly. She glanced down, pulling at lose threads of cotton from her blanket. It was good to know that she always still had Willow. Old-reliable-geyser-person as the redhead had once referred to herself as back when they were in high school. The two were inseparable back then and even in college many classmates that didn’t know any better thought they were sisters. Willow was the only one who knew about she and Spike. She was probably the only one who would understand anyway.

“Aww, poor Buffy’s heart.” She sympathized, smiling and hoping it would be contagious.

It wasn’t.

“I just don’t know what to do, Wills. He says he loves and I believe him. Yet he still won’t leave her. It’s like-like I’m his back-up. If everything doesn’t work out with Dru, he’ll always have me on the back burner. Waiting. ‘Cause that’s all I’m good for. Sure the sex is mind-blowing, but we could never work out in the real world, right? ‘Cause I’m not the kind of girl you bring home to meet the fam’, I’m the kind of girl you hide with in a cheap motel and who’s okay with being the dirty little secret. God, I’m such a slut!” She exclaimed, very close to tears. She wiped frantically at her eyes with the back of her hand.

Willow frowned again, hurting at seeing her best friend and seudo-sister in pain. It just wasn’t fair. Who did Spike think he was? Stringing this poor girl along, while he kanoodled with his wife? The fiery redhead had only met the platinum blonde man once, and that was by accident, (she had walked in on he and Buffy during one of their wild-monkey-lovin’ sessions,) but he had seemed like a genuine decent guy, who was completely in love with her best friend. How did everything get so messed up?

She moved to the other bed to sit next to the teary-eyed blonde and took her hand gently in her own. “Buffy, you are not a slut.”

The blonde was silent as she waited for her friend to continue.

Willow took her time in explaining what she wanted to say. “Sure, you’ve made some judgment calls in the last couple of months that have been, well, less-than-great, but we all make mistakes. And it’s not the end of the world.”

“Willow, how can you say that, and be all calm-girl, with your calmly-ness?” Buffy cried, eyes bulging, and hands flying every which way in an attempt to make her point. “I’m having an affair.” She paused. “With a married man!”

“Okay, so not the smartest thing you’ve done, but-” Whatever Willow had been about to say was abruptly cut off but a hysterical Buffy.

“Not the smartest thing I’ve done?” Buffy asked, incredulously. “I’m playing second fiddle to a woman who has no idea that her husband isn’t the wonderful, faithful person she’d made him out to be. And that’s what I’ll always be.” She elucidated, not even aware that she had begun one of her infamous babble-fests.

Willow listened with a well-trained ear that was used to her best friend’s tendency to rabble. The blonde continued to talk.

“Unless of course he gets tired of me one day, and decides that I’m not fiddle material anymore. Unless he never saw me as a fiddle to begin with…Oh God, what if I’m not even a fiddle?!!” She bellowed, a surprised look on her face that suggested that her fast-working brain had stumbled on to something new.

“Calm down, Buffy.” Willow coaxed, squeezing her hands again in a comforting gesture. She waited a few moments for her friend to calm her body down. “You know that you mean more to him than that.”

“He loves me.” Buffy responded softly, as if realizing it for the first time.

“He does.” Willow confirmed calmly, nodding in affirmation.

Buffy looked up at her slowly, locking eyes with her best friend.

“I love him.” She stated quietly, with much conviction.

“I know.” Willow responded, bobbing her head up and down once again in understanding.

Silence penetrated the air, making it thick with unanswered questions.

“I think he went to L.A. with her.” Buffy said, not daring to meet Willow’s eyes. She was close to balling her eyes out as it was.

“Dru?”

Buffy nodded.

“Maybe.” Willow said, waiting for the Buffy-shaped explosion. Only it never came. Instead the blonde was silent, just staring intently at the ruffed bedspread passing through her fingertips. “Maybe not. Do you really think he could just up and leave you like that?” She speculated, watching the girl beside her.

When it became clear that she wasn’t going to respond to the redhead’s inquiry, Willow continued.

“You said it yourself, Buffy. The man loves you.”

And just like that, all was silent again. Neither girl knew what to say to break the newly sprung tension, so they just remained silent. Moments passed before Buffy was the first to break the silence.

“Am I being punished, Wills?” She asked through tears.

“What?” Willow asked in surprise, brows furling in confusion. She wasn’t expecting that.

“For everything I did.” Buffy explained softly, finally looking up into her best friend’s eyes again. “I had sex with a married man. I knowingly hurt some poor innocent wife and didn’t even care about the consequences. I just founded my heart, jumped in bed with a man who wasn’t even on the market and never looked back. And the worst thing about it was that I didn’t care. Do you even think for one second that I stopped to think about what that unlucky woman was feeling?”

Tears streamed down the slope of her cheeks in a flood of straggled emotions. She didn’t wipe them.

No, they were long over due.

She raised her voice as she bellowed the next few sentences.

“No! I never did, because I didn’t give a shit about her. She was just the unfortunate wife who stood in the way. I was the other woman. It’s how the game is played. God, look at me, I’m…I’m a heartless, soulless monster.” She finished, energy drained entirely from her tiny frame. She was a complete mess. Damn Spike for doing this to me! She mentally shouted and wished he could hear.

“Buffy, how long have we been friends?” Willow asked calmly. Buffy didn’t answer the rhetorical question, and waited for the redhead to continue. “For about four years now, right? And in all that time, I’ve come to know the real you. The Buffy you keep hidden beneath the tough exterior that you display for the outside world to see. I’ve seen your heart, Buff. And you know what?” She paused for dramatic affect.

“You’re a good person, Buffy and this is not your fault. You’ve made mistakes, sure, but that doesn’t make you a monster. It makes you human.”

Buffy stared at her best friend for a few seconds before responding softly.

“What if he doesn’t choose me?” She questioned, almost afraid to hear the answer.

Willow didn’t hesitate to respond. “Then he’s a total moron and you’re better off without him.”

Buffy’s lips cracked into a smile and Willow watched happily as she burst out into laughter. The laughter was contagious and soon Willow joined the blonde in her fit of giggles.

A few minutes later the laughter died down and Buffy’s face became serious once more. “I love you, Wills. You know that, right?”

Willow smiled affectionately and answered her. “I know, and I love you too.”

They hugged.

“Now get your little ass out of bed, you’ve got a date with Ben & Jerry, girl.” Willow smiled jokingly. She stood up to go to the closet.

“Oh, thank God there are still some decent ones out there.” Buffy chuckled, problems forgotten for the moment.

TBC...Please Review!

Disclaimer: Joss is God. I don’t own a damn thing. Wish I did.

Buffy clutched her summer jacket closer to her body as another hard gust of wind assaulted her tiny frame. The clear night sky above was peppered with dazzling bright stars that seemed to shine a tiny spotlight down on every treetop on campus. A few rebellious raindrops, the color of crystal, fell from the little soft clouds and scattered with a small splashing sound on the gray concrete.

Upon feeling the cool drops on her neck and shoulders, Buffy quickened her step toward her dormitory. The wind picked up once more and her blond hair caught in it, tangled strands whipping her face and tickling her nose. Reaching up, she pushed the unruly wisps of hair back behind her ears where they would eventually become free yet again and fly this way and that.

Other students ran past her, hurriedly making their way to their room and out of the coming rain. Young men and their girlfriends laughed flirtatiously, clutching to each other as they walked. They stopped briefly at the main doors to hug and kiss. A few left after a good-night kiss and others were let up into rooms where they would engage in seemingly unknown acts of passion.

Buffy sighed heavily and took the outside steps two a time. Seeing others being happy with the person they loved was making her mind wonder in places it had no business going.

Like thinking about a certain bleach blonde, who wouldn’t be named.

Going out with Willow had been just the thing Buffy had needed to get him off her mind, but now that she was alone again, everything came rushing back to the surface.

Buffy smiled slightly as she remembered the evening she and the feisty redhead had. They had decided to go to the bronze since it was the only club in town and one of the only places that didn’t require id. After proceeding to consume more caffeine and sugar than the human body could handle, they danced themselves into a frenzy while enticing every warm-blooded college frat boy in the building. It made Buffy feel good to know that she hadn’t lost her ability to draw the attention of the other boys in town. Even if she was a fool for love when it came to Spike Mason.

But eventually the fun died down and Willow left with her boyfriend Oz, leaving Buffy with the rest of the night to do with as she pleased. After a short mental debate, the blonde decided to spend it alone in her dorm room with a good tear-jerker and an economy-sized box of Kleenex. So now with no other thoughts to occupy it, Buffy’s mind defiantly drifted back to her AWOL boyfriend.

She finally made it to her door. Small hands searched her jean packets for her keys and she let herself into the room. Absentmindedly, she flipped on the lights and walked over to the nightstand beside her bed where the answering machine sat, untouched. She tossed her keys carelessly on the table top and adverted her attention to the small machine. An angry ‘zero’ assaulted her hazel eyes and she closed them in order to clear her head.

Turning her mind on auto-pilot, she slowly stripped her body of her clothes and replaced them with her favorite ‘yummy sushi’ pajamas, before kicking the discarded clothes beside the laundry basket she had piled full of soiled clothes to take to her mother’s. She was just about to search for her hidden copy of ‘The Princess Bride,’ when a knock sounded throughout the room.

Buffy’s blonde head whipped suddenly to the direction of the door and her brows furrowed in confusion. Who would be knocking at my door at almost one in the morning? Everyone I know has a key. She thought, amusingly.

The knocked resounded and this time a voice accompanied it. “Buffy? Buffy, it’s me, luv.”

Buffy’s eyes automatically brighten to a brilliant shade of light green and a smile graced her features. Upon remembering how the owner of the beautifully accented voice hadn’t bothered to make contact with her in the last week, the smile faded, and a deep frown took it’s place.

“Spike?” She called, unsure. Maybe she was going crazy and imagined his voice…

“Yeah, it’s me, pet.”

Nope, no craziness there…

An eerie silence followed the few spoken words and Buffy felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room within moments. Spike was on the other sided of that door. He was here. Here, and standing in her hallway, waiting for her to let in him. Oh! She realized, moving hurriedly toward the faux wooden door. She grabbed the handle and was prepared to turn it, when she suddenly stopped mid-action. She stared at the door thoughtfully.

“Buffy?” Spike called from the hallway after it become apparent that she wasn’t going to open the door right away. Upon not getting a response he tried again. “Luv?”

“Where have you been?” She asked timidly, finding her voice again. She only hoped that she didn’t sound as jealous as she really felt.

“I needed a few days to close up a coupla things. Can I come in?” Spike answered her question and asked one of his own.

“What kind of things?” She inquired, ignoring his request for the time being.

“Just some legal stuff with Dru. Let me come in and explain all of it.” He suggested, taking a step closer towards the door and placed a hand on the doorknob. He bounced nervously on the balls of his Doc Martins and glanced to the left as a few of Buffy’s neighbors passed by with a fleeting look. He shrugged at them nonchalantly.

“And you couldn’t take the time out of your busy life to pick up a phone or stop by and see me? Jeez, I was beginning to think you were dead!” The now angry blonde girl huffed.

Spike sighed heavily, running a hand through his rain-wetted hair. “So, I take it you’re mad.” He commented, feeling quite stupid. “Look, luv, you know that if I could’ve come to see you, I would o’ in a bloody heartbeat.”

“Then why didn’t you?” She challenged, putting her hands on her hips in annoyance. Her hazel eyes narrowed in suspicion. Had something to take care of with Dru? I wonder what that was… She thought heatedly.

“I told you. I had things to take care of before I could see you again.” Came the answer through the cheep wood imitation door. “Now can I please come in?” He repeated in mock frustration.

Buffy contempt plated his question for a moment, her eyes getting a far-away look in them, before shaking her head. “No.”

There was a pause while the bleach blonde man waiting impatiently in the hall absorbed this new information.

“No? Whaddya mean no?” He furrowed his brows in confusion.

“I mean no. As in ‘No you can’t come in until you explain yourself.’” She stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Buffy…” He sighed exasperatedly, placing his palms flat against his side of the door, and letting his weight rest in his upper arms as he switched from foot to foot. By now the passing neighbors had stopped to survey the scene in front of them, and even a few curious ones came out of their rooms to watch with interest ed eyes as the bleached young man, soaked through and through, tried to con his way inside the other blonde’s dorm.

Spike stood up straight and reached into his duster pocket. A few wet drops of salty liquid glided down the smooth slope of the leather and fell softly to the carpeted floor at his movement. He took a deep breath and pulled out a thick pile of stapled copy paper that was folded carelessly in half, the crease uneven and coated with a few drops of rain water. He slowly bent down and slide the papers underneath the doorframe and stood once more.

“Are you going to tell me or not?” She asked, feeling more frustrated by the minute.

“Look under the door.” He instructed in a soft voice, placing a single hand on the wood again.

Buffy raised a perfectly shaped brow in curiosity. “Look under my door? Look under the door for wh-” She stopped mid-sentence when she glanced down at the crème colored floor and noticed the floor papers at her feet.

Kneeling slowly, she reached out and retrieved the thick sheets and held them in her hands. Running a long French-tipped finger nail along the crease, she unfolded in quickly and skimmed it’s contents.

Her hazel eyes moved rhythmically over the typed letters that adorned the pages and soon filled with tears. Hands still gripping the sheets in a painful hold, Buffy raised her head up to the door in front of her. She stared at it in wonder as a single tear escaped the lids of her eyes and glided down the slope of her pink-tinted cheek and fell onto the paper, where it mixed with the raindrops.

She quickly wiped at the tears leaking out of her eyes with the back of her hand and rose to her feet.

“Buffy?” Spike called, concern ripping through his voice.

“These are-” She stopped to clear her suddenly dry throat as a few more tears slid down her flushed face. “These are divorce papers.” She stated softly, almost in a whisper.

“They are.” He confirmed in an equally low voice.

She raised her small hand and placed it flat against the door. She felt the cool grains of the wood under her fingertips and she smiled inwardly.

On the other side of the door, Spike still had his hand on the rough door, directly opposite hers.

Unknowingly, the two lovers touched hands, the thin door frame the only barrier.

“Buffy, can I come in?” He asked.

The blonde hurriedly unlocked the door, gripped the doorknob and ripped it open. Hazel eyes met blue, and locked. The silence seemed to stretch for miles and the onlookers waited in quiet for the two blondes to make a move.

Buffy was the first to find her voice. “You divorced Drusilla?” She questioned.

“Yes.” Was his simple response.

“Why?” Was her simple inquiry.

“Because I was tired, Buffy. I was tired of living a bloody lie. I don’t love her. I’m not sure if I ever did.” He chuckled, a brief moment of craziness in his tone. Like this was the riskiest thing he had ever done in his life. Like he was happy to be a free man. Her man…

“And you love me.” It wasn’t a question. It was simply a small statement to reassure herself what she was seeing was indeed real.

“And you love me.” He repeated matter-of-factly. “Which is how I ended up here. Soaking wet with rain and standing in your doorway.”

Buffy was quiet and continued to stare into his hypnotically blue eyes as he smiled. Not a smirk, but a real genuine smile that made him undoubtedly the most handsome man she had ever seen.

“I’ve always been standing in your doorway.” He continued huskily. “Don’t you think it’s about time you invited me in?”

A moment passed before a smile crept up over Buffy face and made her eyes sparkle with happiness. Then, with the divorce papers clutched tightly in her hand, she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him to her tightly.

He went willingly into her embrace and instinctively wrapped his muscled arms around her tiny frame and squeezed lightly, molding her body to his. He held on to her as her tears came back full-force and coated his already wet leather-clad shoulder. Kissing her neck, he whispered calming words of love and passion into her ears.

The neighbors smiled sweetly and went about their business as the two lovers embraced tightly.

And as the tears continued to flow, they were from joy not sorrow. They clung to each other for dear life as Spike told her that he loved her…that he would ALWAYS love her…that he would never leave her and that she would always be his and he would be hers.

And for the first time, she believed it.

The End

A/N: So, that's it. Hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks for the great reviews. You guys are awesome!