Disclaimer: Yes, I own all of them, in fact I am Joss Whedon myself writing fan-fic incognito to express my deepest hidden thoughts. Of course is Spike mine, mine alone and I don’t share.
Hm, I was told that lying was nothing a lady should indulge in, but as I use to call it, not telling the whole truth is not a lie. Sadly that was one of them hiding truths thingies, so please don’t sue, me truly own nothing but my computer this was written on and the crazy mind that cooked up this little story. Joss is still God and I shall bow down before his Greatness.
 
Author’s notes: This is my response to this challenge I’ve read several wonderful stories about. But since I noticed that they are all a bit dark in nature, I decided to go for something lighter; something with a little more humour in it. This is parody, baby!

Spoilers: Way Post 'Dead Things', but before 'Hells Bells'. In fact after 'Dead Things' kinda nothing did happen exactly like on the show. Also, nothing really spoilery beyond that since hadn't seen these episodes yet when starting on this fic. Also, the Willow/Tara break-up? Didn't happen in my universe.

Special thanks to my wonderful fun beta Kiva, you always make me write these wonderful comedies and encourage me to write even more and to the person who issued the challenge.

 
 
 
Spike’s brain
 
by Belladonna
 
 
~Prologue~
The Hellmouth on the Edge of Forever
I am the Watcher.
 
It is my sacred and sworn duty to look out over the Chosen One, for she alone has been destined to slay vampires and other forces of evil that are crawling around in the darkness of a never ending night.
 
And right here, on the Mouth of Hell that Sunnydale resides on, they have gathered, trying to best her. They walk amongst the unsuspicious humans, their features, their true faces disguised underneath their human masks and waiting for their prey to come out.
 
I am her Guardian.
 
I have been chosen to train her in how to perform her duty best; to guide her in her eternal fight against the dark ones, the creatures of the night.
 
I am never to interfere in her fight, but only to give guidance and support where and when it is deemed necessary.
 
It is my duty and I will fulfil it with my heart and soul because it is what is demanded from me. I will do it with the same compassion and devotion that those before me had performed it and will continue to do so when I will be no more.
 
I am there to simply watch from my assigned place and to never intervene, no matter at what cost.
 
…
 
“Cut the crap, Giles and on with the story already!”

Disclaimer and Notes: see Prologue
Spike’s brain
 
by Belladonna
 
 ~Chapter 1~
And the Nerds shall lead
 
“Good news, everyone!” Warren exclaimed overly happy when he joined his fellow Nerdians inside the huge basement room of his own house they were currently residing in. And since none of them actually had a real job to earn money they probably would be staying there a little while longer.
 
“What is it this time?” Jonathan asked and Andrew shushed them both, waving frantically at the telly.
 
“Could you please shut up, Voyager is on in a second!” the boy told them. “It’s the final episode and I really want to know what happens.”
 
“They come home, everyone’s fine and they lived on happily ever after”; Warren stressed. How could they have let a woman sit in the Captain’s chair in the first place? No wonder they got lost at the end of nowhere.
 
“Hey, how’d you know that, I thought you didn’t like Voyager?” Jonathan wondered but Warren dismissed it casually.
 
“It’s a rerun, besides that one’s out on video already:” He told them. “Can we go back to my news already?”
 
Grumbling Andrew complied and very reluctantly turned the telly off. Then he leaned back in his oversized chair and glanced challengingly towards Warren. “Go on; tell us what’s so important that we have to interrupt watching Star Trek?”
 
“I have a new plan for getting the Slayer!” Warren announced, having found his happiness back; the only thing missing was him bouncing around from excitement.
 
“Can that not wait until after the show?” Jonathan whined. “I’d really like to see that too. Besides our last plan got us almost nailed down by her and succeeded in really pissing her off this time.”
 
“No, it cannot wait until after the show.” Warren’s good mood quickly dissolved into thin air once again. Could they not acknowledge true genius when they saw it? Okay, he had not yet shown them the true geniality this new plan would be set in motion by, but at least they could show a bit more enthusiasm for it. They were The Super Villains after all, notice the ‘The’ and the Capital Letters?
 
“Well, spill then.”
 
Now that he finally had their undivided attention, to emphasize his point Warren stepped in front of the television, he finally could explain them what he had thought of.
 
“I have a great plan for getting the Slayer…” Warren repeated but was interrupted by Andrew.
 
“You already said that.”
 
“As said, I have a great plan for getting the Slayer,” Warren shot a deadly glare towards the boy and continued uninterrupted, “that will be successful this time. Like you all will remember when that Spike came by to have his chip examined by us, “ at this he saw Andrew looking fearfully towards the Boba Fett figurine, “we were able to gain data of enormous value to our cause…”
 
”Come to the point already.” Jonathan urged him, if this was over quick he could catch the rest of Voyager after all or at least a good glimpse at that hot Borg chick in the skin tight suit. Or at certain parts of her anatomy.
 
“What is it with the youth of today; no patience at all in them.” Warren mused grinning.
 
“We know what happened on that day, Andrew is still traumatized by it and I would really like to watch Voyager now, so can we get to the point of this?” Jonathan asked. “We too want to get the Slayer, we really do, but there are priorities to be set.”
 
“Okay, okay, the plan right; you see the chip;” Warren hurried with his explanation, really flirting with the option of building himself some robotic allies instead of hanging out with those impatient morons any longer; “it does prevent him from harming humans. As a matter of fact, it shocks him every time he only thinks violence against humans. And you peed in your panties because of him.”
 
“Hey!” Jonathan and Andrew said unison. Did he just insult them? “You were scared also. And we are so not wearing panties.”
 
“Whatever, but this offered us an opportunity we’ll never have again: To study this wonderful piece of modern technology. It was so great having all these micro circuits under my fingertips, there so close and just out of reach…” at this the others tuned him out, knowing well that Warren would go on for a while marvelling at this technology and probably getting fuzzy feelings inside too. “…Once we control that chip, we will control the vampire. And once we control the vampire, he will get the Slayer for us.” Warren told them, grinning from ear to ear. This should teach them to underestimate his genius again.
 
“Uh-huh. But how will you control the chip from here?” Andrew wanted to know, forgetting for the moment that no matter if they could control the chip, there still was the small problem of Spike not being able to harm a human being because of it. And to their latest info, Buffy still was human.
 
“Well, we simply won’t control it from here then. This is where my idea comes in handy. Eyes open ladies, because in my hand I hold the ultimate weapon in our fight against the Slayer!” Warren nearly shouted out, bursting with ultimate pride at his own geniality and he held the object of his speech high above him. In that pose, albeit comical but of dead serious intent he almost looked like the Statue of Liberty. Andrew and Jonathan only looked stunned at him.
 
“But that’s a remote control?!”
 

Disclaimer and Notes: see Prologue
Spike’s brain
 
by Belladonna
 
~Chapter 2~
Assignment: Inventory
 
“Alright, Buffy, you can do it. You know that you have to and you will face them right now. Tell them the truth about you and Spike.” Buffy took another deep breath, which did wonders in not-calming her down and entered the Magic Box, facial expression in handy that was worthy of one walking towards execution.
 
“Hi guys, I have something important to tell you…” Buffy started as she walked through the door, but got interrupted mid-sentence by a really fuming Anya who without greeting shoved a dust cleaner in her hands and her towards the shelves next to the door.
 
“Ahn, don’t you think you are overreacting?” Xander pleaded with her.
 
“No, I’m not.” The ex-demon returned snappishly and began rearranging the candles on the display again. “That’s what Bridal Magazine says and I’m going for it. And you, start dusting!”
 
“Excuse me?” Buffy was stunned at this. “But if someone had the pleasure of telling me what the heck is going on here? I thought it was an emergency?”
 
“It is.” Anya smiled brightly towards her. “It is a matter of highest and foremost importance, so that I can open the shop again soon and earn more money.”
 
“Do I speak for everyone when I just say, huh?” Buffy couldn’t get rid of the thought that Anya now finally had gone crazy. The other assembled and present Scoobies had stopped when Buffy entered the shop but a deadly glare of the current owner made them resume their assigned tasks quickly again.
 
“Anya thinks she’s going to be burning in hell.” Xander tried quietly to explain. “Because of something she read in one of these stupid marriage magazines she’s reading. And now she’s trying to get it out on us. I personally think she’s PMS-ing or something.”
 
“I heard that. For your information, that will be no sex tonight for you buster and it will not change my opinion about it, Xander Harris!” Anya told him, ignoring the whispered “At least you want it again.” from Xander. “I have called upon this meeting to make you help me with the inventory and seasonal clean-out. By employing you, I won’t have to pay you any money and can write it off taxes.”
 
“And here I thought you liked us.” Spike commented grinning from the upper level. “Hello, Buffy.”
 
“Hello Spike…Spike? What are you doing here? It is day out there.” Buffy sputtered out.
 
“Oh, I hadn’t noticed.” Spike returned casually. “With me almost burning up out there to come here helping the ex-demon chit with the bloody inventory. Which I am doing out of my great unselfishness of course.” He added for good measure, also because Anya was shooting daggers out of her eyes towards him. “Besides, I think I should do that sometime in my De Soto too. The car’s just full of dead bodies to be thrown out”; at this all heads flew instantly to face him shocked. “Oh, bloody hell, that was a joke! I thought it a real killer. So, Slayer, what are you doing here and what was so important to tell us?”
 
“Uh, nothing of interest.” Buffy replied too quickly. “I came because Anya called, that’s all and because she said it was a matter of life and death which this certainly is.”
 
“Yes, I will loose money should this take much longer than today, so continue dusting!” Anya instructed her, completely ignoring the sarcasm in Buffy’s answer. “All of you!”
 
“Yes, Ma’am!”
 
And so they went on dusting…
 
A little while later they had stopped cleaning and now continued on counting the items. Anya of course had a watchful eye over them, not wanting to get her valuable items destroyed or damaged. If she had to give special price offers on them because of that, she’d be very pissed to be put mildly.
 
Now Anya, being the current owner of the Magic Box after Giles had left for the mother country, or in more understandable terms, England, sat on a chair behind the counter and glanced down at some printouts in her hand, probably the list of the whole inventory and downstairs items as well as the listing of all the shipped out supplies and stuff. If the others had looked closer, they would’ve noticed that she wasn’t exactly looking at these printouts but rather at the glossy bridal magazine lying on top of them. But for the moment they just feared the wrath of Anya if she would notice them not doing the inventory.
 
Smiling a little too cheerfully and with too much sexual undertones for her comfort, Spike edged closer towards Buffy and lightly ran his fingers over her bare arm. It felt like electricity and tingled pleasantly but she jerked her arm away quickly.
 
“Don’t do that, what if someone sees us?” She scolded him fearfully, completely forgetting that she actually had intended to tell the others about their relationship.
 
“But someone actually has seen us already, luv.” Spike reminded her, thinking of the day when Xander had caught him exercising in his crypt. Or that was it that Xander still believed having seen Spike doing back then.
 
“Well, not me.” Buffy shot back, a blush creeping into her cheeks.
 
“If you want it to play that way, fine with me!” Spike snapped and turned around, almost throwing some vases off the shelf in the wake of his grand departure. It would have been one, if Anya had not intervened.
 
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” If her eyes could have shot out daggers, Spike would have been impaled beyond recognition by now. At this even the Big Bad Spike was, felt intimidated by her.
 
“Uh, downstairs?”
 
“Good answer, and don’t steal those spices again or I will change them with something that will make you loose some body parts.” Anya glanced down at him to make sure he understood completely and that there would be no misunderstanding whatsoever, then added “Important body parts. And you’ll never know when this change will have happened.”
 
“Right, I’ll go counting then.” Spike swallowed hart. Said body parts were really something he’d rather not loose at all. Instead he gulped down another unnecessary breath of air and slowly backed away from her. “Er, downstairs, as in the basement.”
 
Willow snickered from behind one shelf and the others joined in, but instantly shut up when they saw Anya.
 
“Right, counting. I’m already on with it, doing some more counting.” Willow hurried to add. Buffy turned around facing Anya.

”What are you doing actually?” She asked the former vengeance demon curiously. She hadn’t seen her dusting or counting either, except for the money which she would never let anybody else than her touch.
 
“I have the responsibility of this whole operation.” She practically beamed at this. “I oversee you and make sure that you work properly. That is called sharing of responsibilities; see you work and I oversee. I have the most work with that, being the one in charge and everything.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “And how did you get that great idea?”
 
“I read about it in a book.” Anya’s face lit up completely now. “It was about becoming a successful business manager and how to get your life as comfortable for yourself as possible.”
 
“I see, but wouldn’t this inventory thing take much shorter time if you actually joined us in counting and all that?” Willow asked confused, having joined the conversation once more and way grateful for a short pause.
 
“I do my part and you do yours, so hush back to work little worker bees.” Anya ushered them to start working again, her patience and potential chance of opening the shop again in the afternoon fading. “You just cannot appreciate what I do here, this is not fair. And I do work here, I go over the lists of the shipments and all that.”
 
“Ahn, calm down, please.” Xander tried to soothe her, but she got herself worked up by now at the for her extremely startling thought of money loss that she wouldn’t listen.
 
“They won’t help me, they question my authority and on top of that I am going to hell!” She wailed.
 
“You are going where?” Came the unison reply from Willow, Tara and Buffy. Xander only groaned at this, he had been on the receiving end of this accusation already earlier this morning.
 
“I am going to burn in hell!” Anya repeated. “This is what the last issue of Bridal Magazine says, and when it is in the newspapers it’s got to be true.”
 
“And why does Bridal Magazine say that?” Buffy asked her incredulously. She spotted the mentioned paper right on top of the printouts Anya was studying. “And why does it lay right on these papers you were supposed to go through?”
 
“This is important, it is my wedding and I will make it a perfect one! A day no one will ever forget!” She announced, pointing her finger angrily towards her fiancé now. “And now I am going to be sent to hell and it is all your fault!”
 
“Xander?”


“What has he to do with this?” Now was it Tara’s turn to look confused. She had thought them to have a happy relationship and all with getting married soon.
 
“He made me sleep with him!!” Anya shouted out.
 
“He what?!”
 
“I never made you sleep with me, Ahn.” Xander defended himself, somehow it gave him a strange sense of déjà vu. And in a certain way it was, since he already had said that on this very morning. And wasn’t it always her who constantly ranted on about the orgasms she got from him, in front of all the others? “Besides who believes in that today now anyway?”
 
“But it is all your fault! And now I am going to burn in hell and, and…”
 
“Huh, hell? And in what does who believe in still?” Buff asked baffled. She was completely dumbfounded and even she wasn’t that blonde.
 
“Anya has decided to explore the religious side of her humanity a bit more.” Xander explained. Or at least he tried, but how could one explain something one hasn’t even understood in the first place? “And now she has read in some stupid magazine…”
 
“They are not stupid; they are useful resources in planning my wedding!” Anya interrupted him angrily. Xander wasn’t so sure anymore that the PMS option was completely out of consideration.
 
“Anyway, she thinks now that she is going to burn in hell or something because she won’t go as a virgin into marriage.” He finished. The others burst out laughing.
 
“She what?”
 
“This is not funny!” Anya complained. This was serious. Didn’t anybody understand her dilemma?
 
“But it is. I mean you can search with a magnifying glass these days to find a bloody virgin out there.” Spike told her, barely suppressing his laughter for the moment to get his sentence out.
 
Apparently not.
 
“Anya, why do you think so much about this, I mean you were a demon before.” Tara tried to explain. The fact of her demon time would not make her go to hell? “It doesn’t matter whether you’ve had s-sex before marriage or not; nobody goes to hell these days anyway.”
 
“And it is not like Xander would love you less because of the fact that you aren’t quite untouched anymore.” Willow added, to which Xander frantically nodded.
 
“That is right, I love you, Ahn and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Besides, I would go to hell with you.” He told her. “I actually am no longer a virgin either.”
 
At this Spike burst out in laughter once more and the others joined him. It simply sounded too funny to hear that from Xander, the one who constantly turned beet red when his fiancée bluntly told them about the multiple orgasms she got from him. And now he discussed his virginity, or more the lack of it, in front of all of them – without blushing at all.
 
“Alright, there is nothing else to see here.” Anya told them, having calmed down again, smiling. And can you say mood swings? “Go back to work, there is money to be lost once I won’t open the shop again tonight. But of course I will see that this is written down as a full day in the report to the IRS. It after all is a full day, night business not included.”
 
So the day from now on went rather uneventful, one of the non-mentionworthy parts were Willow throwing some candles off the shelf and having to get an eye to eye with the out for vengeance Anya – or rather pretty pissed Anya because of now not being able to sell said candles for overly high prices to unsuspecting customers like usually, Tara already having gotten a major case of an allergic reaction to some of the dustier herbs for magick spells and Buffy nearly falling from the upper level almost breaking her neck in the process. Then there had been of course the incident with the sunlight spell, accidentally going off next to Spike – no harm had come upon important parts of him. So you see, nothing of interest or any event worth mentioning had happened at all.
 
In the evening, just shortly after the sun had gone down, they finally had finished their work. They all were sitting now at the table in the Magic Box, sipping at a cold drink and more than glad should they not have to move for a week now. Well, that was once they got home which of course required moving from them.
 
“So, are you happy with us helping you sweetie?” Xander asked, gently embracing Anya after they now were done. And she had calmed down enormously since they both had disappeared for a short while into the basement, ushering Spike out there to help the others upstairs so that they could be alone. “I mean completely voluntarily that is.”
 
“Yes, and now that I see you doing that so well, you can come helping me for the huge summer sale out and next year’s inventory.” She had a completely content smile on her face at that idea. “Oh, think of all the money I’ll be able to earn and save by that.”
 
That earned her a collective groan from everyone.
 

Disclaimer and Notes: see Prologue
Spike’s brain
 
by Belladonna
 
~Chapter 3~
The Spike Incident
 
After Warren had explained his plan to them, once again truly thinking of building him robots to help him in making his thoughts work out perfectly, they finally could start this little mission. It only had taken him roughly twice to go over his idea that should have shown them his geniality but ended up questioning him their intelligence at all.
 
This would be good, it was his plan after all and that alone should be making it a highlight in outstanding genius, certainly it did next to these morons. Warren conveniently forgot mentioning that the other plans, the previous ones which failed all without exceptions, also had come from his genius mind.
 
But this time it would be different. Now, no longer thinking of Voyager, though still of the assets that wandered around these corridors in skin tight uniforms being worn by the Borg chick there, Jonathan sat behind the steering wheel of their Nerdmobile and took it out of the garage. On their way towards where they expected their target to be, Warren played some more on the electronic equipment in the back of the car, to make sure that it would function perfectly. This was not something he would want to blow.
 
They had been driving around Sunnydale for almost the whole day now, looking for their target when the clear road started to be a bit bumpy.
 
“But you do know where he lives, right Warren?” Jonathan’s voice shook him out of his electronic bliss situation that came from being surrounded by his beloved machines.
 
“Huh?” Warren climbed forward. “What do you mean, I know where he lives? Don’t you?”
 
“Why should I know where he lives?” Jonathan shot back. “It’s not that I tell him where I live. Why would I want to know that anyway?”
 
“Because we are looking for him? Andrew?” Warren inquired form the other boy but he too shook his head.
 
“Christ!” He cursed vehemently. “You are telling me that we are out to acquire our designated target, driving around for the whole day and don’t even know where the hell he lives?”
 
A double nod from the two others confirmed Warren’s worst suspicions.
 
“I think he lives on a cemetery.” Andrew tried hesitantly.
 
“Well, duh! He’s a vampire, of course he lives on a cemetery.” Warren told him. “Where else would he live?”
 
“I dunno, in a nice house with a white picket fence and flowers in the front yard?” Andrew asked, innocence present in his voice.
 
“Very funny, do you see me not laughing here?” Warren fumed slightly. This was not going according to plan, not at all. “You wouldn’t know on which cemetery he resides on, since we have only like twelve of them here?!”
 
“Hey, at least we have a lead with the cemetery here.” Andrew defended himself and Jonathan nodded agreeing from behind the steering wheel.
 
“Yeah and it is worth nothing if we don’t know which one we should start to look at!” Warren hissed. “And not only that we have a whole dozen or more of them here, they are awfully huge too!”
 
“So, why don’t we follow that vampire instead?” Jonathan suddenly asked curiously, having slowed down his driving a bit. Him arguing and the same time driving didn’t exactly match very well; that he knew from previous experience.
 
“What!!?”
 
“I said, why don’t we follow that vampire then instead?” Jonathan repeated, gesturing towards a tall peroxide blonde man who just had turned around the corner leading away from the Magic Box towards one of the bigger cemeteries. “That one who looks just like Spike?”
 
“Er, good idea.” Warren told him hastily. Good thing they remembered how he looked like from previous encounters and especially from that day they no longer spoke of. From now on it should go as planned, Warren thought to himself.
 
***
 
Spike was unaware of the van following him alongside the street towards the cemetery where he resided. In fact he hadn’t known that even a vampire could feel that drained. But he truly longed for his bed right now, going to lay sprawled down there and probably not getting up again for ages. So, when he finally walked upon the grounds of the graveyard, he still did not know about his three shadows.
 
Completely unsuspecting anything, he opened the doors to his crypt, got himself something to drink and plopped down in front of the telly. He was so tired by doing all that inventory thing, not to mention being nearly blinded by the daylight spell, hey that sounded funny inside his head, he just wished to spend the rest of the night slouched in his favourite chair, with a cold beer in his hands and watching some soap reruns on the flicker box.
 
Little did he know that with that wish he already had jinxed it.
 
***
 
“Alright, quiet now!” Warren shushed the others. They had parked their van at the corner of the cemetery and slowly walked over it now. After having lost Spike when he entered the graveyard before, they now had to search for the right place he might have gone to.
 
“Remember people, we are here to find our target, which we did by now, and then lost him again so if we want this to work, we have to find him. And we do want this to work, right?”
 
“Of course!” The other two answered immediately, not mentioning that they had rather wanted to watch the long Voyager special instead of running around on the graveyard in the middle of the night. But no, Warren had wanted to find that vampire to test his new toy on him. And now they had to get up every time they wanted to switch channels!
 
So they made their way over the cemetery, Jonathan and Andrew looking behind every gravestone for a sign of Spike.
 
“I don’t think he’s hiding behind a tombstone, morons!” Warren smacked them over their heads. “I’m rather thinking kind of a crypt.”
 
“Ouch, you didn’t have to hit us, Warren!” Jonathan complained, rubbing the back of his head. “He might be hiding from us.”
 
“Yeah, what if he’d noticed us already?” Andrew whined. This was not to his liking. “I mean what if he knows about our plan and will be attacking us every second now?”
 
“He will know if you two won’t stop whining for god’s sake!” Warren told them, pressing a finger to his lips. “Now quiet and go search!”
 
Finally they seemed to have found the right crypt with it being the only one that a terrible off-key singing radiated from, in the tune of some stupid soap opera theme.
 
“We found it, we found it!” Andrew beamed happily. “Now what do we do next, hm, hm?”
 
“Now we will get him like I already told you would be our plan!” Warren sent a silent plea towards heaven for a brain for the boy. “Now, we’re going to test my hypothesis.”
 
“But you’ve said that it was fool proof as in real plan?” Jonathan asked him curiously.
 
‘Fool proof so that it wouldn’t be ruined by fools like you.’ Warren thought to himself. Louder he simply told them that everything was going to be okay and according to the plan. Yes, it had been a plan and it would be so great. Did he not already say that?
 
“So are we going to do it or what?” Andrew still was bouncing slightly, hyperactivity showing. “I mean, the action will start tonight, won’t it?”
 
“Yes, it will.” Warren sighed, patting the pocket of his jacket in which his remote control was stashed in; just to make sure that it still was there. “In fact, it will right now.”


The three of them crept closer towards the crypt, to get a sneak peek inside and to make sure that they had the right one picked. It wouldn’t do them good to screw this up. But then, they would be getting their remote back from Warren after all.
 
When they had made sure that Spike truly was inside the crypt, Warren got his remote out of the pocket and pointed it towards the wall. He was about to press a button when Jonathan pinched him on the arm.
 
“Are you sure that it will work?” He asked hesitantly. Warren sighed again.
 
“Of course it will, why shouldn’t it?” Warren asked impatiently, putting his arm down and Jonathan shrugged.
 
“I mean you are pointing at the wall.” Well, duh, as if Warren hadn’t noticed that without Jonathan pointing out.
 
“Yes, so what?”
 
“But you are pointing at the wall.” Jonathan repeated, then adding “Will it work when you point it at the wall?”
 
“Yes it will, doofus.” Warren grew impatient on that one. If he wouldn’t start now, they would loose valuable time in conditioning their target on the Slayer, or rather in having a chance for their new tool in taking her out for them. “And if you don’t trust me, trust this.”
 
Warren raised his arm again, pointing with the remote towards the wall and pressed a button.
 
Nothing happened.
 
“Is it out of batteries?” Andrew wondered, having expected some sort of light show.
 
“No, it is not and it did work. What about we’ll go in and find out?” Warren suggested. The other two backed away.
 
“No way, dude!” They told him. “I mean, that is Spike, he’s evil and whatnot. And he threatened the Fett!”
 
“Yeah, so what, the Fett is fine and not even here.” Warren glanced towards them. “Now will you stop being such ninnies and go in there!”
 
Growling they both complied and with a slow creak the heavy door to the crypt opened a small peak. Only to be then pushed open completely by Jonathan and Andrew stumbling into the place after being shoved by Warren.
 
“Hey, what was that for?” Jonathan complained and Andrew chimed in.
 
“Yeah, what if it hasn’t worked?”
 
“What the bleedin’ hell are you doing here?” Boomed a voice from the back and they all flinched. According to Warren, that wasn’t supposed to happen.
 
In the back of the room, they could see the bleached blond vampire sitting in his chair right in front of the telly, apparently having watched something before they had fallen with the door into the crypt. Literally.
 
“Uh-oh!”
 
“Well, press the button again, Warren!” Andrew shrieked hysterically, grabbing Warren. The other boy simply held out his hand with the remote once again and pressed the button anew. Nothing visually happened so they stepped closer towards the vampire who hadn’t moved an inch despite them having invaded his home. And of course despite the strong cursing that they could still hear coming from him.
 
Spike could see them coming over towards him and his curses got louder at them. They inched closer, their fear of him attacking every moment forgetting of the chip preventing him from exactly that but also their excitement showing in the way they curiously examined him sitting there.
 
That was it when he noticed it, almost the same time they did.
 
Spike still sat in the comfy chair, his eyes glued on the television screen and never leaving it at all, not even to raise them to glance at the newcomers. He had a good view at them though, standing there with their backs towards the television and staring down at his body.
 
A good view he had at them indeed, at their backs and at himself sitting in his favourite chair.
 
“Bloody Hell!” Spike roared and the others looked stunned at the prone form in the chair. The one whose lips hadn’t moved at all but whose voice they could hear clearly coming from behind them. They turned around to the small television screen, to look right into the face of another Spike.
 
“Oh, boy!” The three Nerds shouted out unison.
 

Disclaimer and Notes: see Prologue
Spike’s brain
 
by Belladonna
 
~Chapter 4~
The trouble for bubbles
 
When Buffy had come home after the darned inventory Anya had forced upon them all, she actually had wanted nothing more than to have a really nice, long and very relaxing hot bath right now. But she had learned quite a while ago that she never got what she wanted anyway so why bother?
 
Yet, she still tried. Maybe if she did that often enough, it would work for her just once.
 
So when she had come home then, her mind already gone for relaxing in the tub, the first thing she noticed was the huge pile of bills right on the kitchen table, mostly the bills for the house and stuff like that which were unpaid yet and for which she had no idea on how to pay anyway. But she still could have that nice relaxing bath after all - since the water bill already was high, it wouldn’t fall that deep into it.
 
But when she had gone upstairs to let herself some water into the bathtub, she noticed that she had run out of her favourite bubble bath, the one that smelled so nicely and made these pretty bubbles. That now meant that the relaxing part of the evening went straight to hell.
 
She would so not have her bath without these bubbles in it!
 
Sighing heavily, she surrendered to her fate and went to leave the house once more. On her way outside, she ran into Dawn.
 
“Where are you going?” The teen asked curiously. “Haven’t you just arrived with the words ‘I’ll never leave the house again!’?”
 
“Well, that was before.”
 
“Before what?” Dawn wondered and then snapped angrily at her older sister. “Before these five minutes you arrived here and had me wondering whether you will actually spend an evening with me so that we could do try that sister-sister bonding thing finally once more? You know, where we sit on the couch, eat some ice cream and watch some movies like we used to? The thing we no longer do now since you seem to have forgotten about me!”
 
“No, Dawnie. I haven’t forgotten about you, but this is much more important.” Buffy answered, looking slightly distressed. If only that teen would have her problems once, she wouldn’t be complaining that much all the time. And this was a true emergency, a real one this time not like that phony inventory thing. “Before I found out that we are out of bubble bath.”
 
“OH NOOOO!” Dawn screamed madly. This was serious! If they had no longer bubble bath in the house, it would lead to catastrophe, worse than being out of coffee, which Dawn of course didn’t drink yet so it wouldn’t be for her. But no bubble bath?! That was horrible, way worse than horrible!
 
“Well, why are you still here? Go and buy some!” Dawn practically shoved her sister out of the house, and Buffy only managed to get the door open in the very last second before she’d have bumped into it.
 
Buffy stepped into the night; or rather stumbled with a good push of her sister as a head start. She was now on a mission, she had to find that bubble bath she loved; otherwise her whole evening would be ruined. Her fatigue forgotten, she made her way towards the first store, sending loads of prayers to the supermarket gods that they would be still open and having her famous bubble bath.
 
***
 
Meanwhile in the crypt, the Three Nerdketeers were facing a completely different problem.
 
“What the soddin’ hell have you done to me?!” Spike screamed at them, that was the one on the television screen. The other still remained silent and absolutely unmoving, sitting in the chair and facing himself on the screen. “And why hasn’t anybody told me that my hair has this funny colour now?!”
 
“This is not good, this is not good.” Andrew repeated over and over again like a mantra. Warren had mentally joined him at some point, but he was sure that his ‘not good’ meant something other than Andrew’s.
 
“Was that supposed to happen?” Jonathan asked curiously and glanced expectantly towards their leader. “This is what should have happened, right?”
 
“What? Ah, yes, yes, everything does work according to plan.” Warren reassured him, willing the sweat from his forehead. This definitely was not good, but it could still become. “It will work fine, don’t think too hard about it.”
 
“Well, I am a good looking bloke after all, these years of un-living have been good to me.” They heard from the background the other Spike ranting, getting a good visual at himself for the first time ever since. And he liked it a lot, especially since he was getting a really good glimpse at the well-muscled chest and six-pack that were exposed by his open shirt. And for a dead guy, well practically un-dead guy, he looked to die for.
 
“But what about…” Jonathan hesitated, grabbing Warren and Andrew and pulling them aside. “What about our plan for the Slayer? I mean, will it work after all?”
 
“Of course it will work, since it has been my plan.” Warren answered him, putting an extra emphasis on the ‘my’ part. It had been his plan, dammit! “So we will get it started before the Slayer comes over here and finds us.”
 
“Yeah, that’s right, the Slayer will come here and find you.” Spike chimed in, causing them to jump again at the voice coming from the television and the face, identical to the still silent sitting man, growling back at them. “And then she will kick your butts for what you’ve done to me. By the way, what the bloody hell have you done to me after all?”
 
“She won’t find us and she will definitely not do anything to us. She probably is right home and doing whatever girls do there.” Warren stated calmly, ignoring the vampire. Maybe if he repeated the first part of it long enough, he too believed it.
 
***
 
Buffy was not in a good mood. She had wanted nothing more than to lay back in a really hot bath with thinking of happy thoughts and now she had to walk through the night in search of the next drugstore for the bubble bath! No, she definitely wasn’t good moody and it was all someone else’s fault. Because she didn’t know whom to blame right now, she decided to stick with an invisible someone. For the moment that should suffice. And since she also didn’t know exactly who was responsible for ordering these bottles of her special bubble bath she hadn’t found a person to replace that someone with yet.
 
The thing she knew was that this person would pay for not ordering more of these bottles to restack the supplies in the drugstore. But she still had at least two more stores to go and try her luck again in them. She would have her bubble bath this night, she simply had to!
 
Some time later, after having gone to all the drugstores in whole Sunnydale, she knew why it was called Sunnyhell by some of its inhabitants, foremost by Spike. It definitely was hell for there wasn’t a single bottle of bubble bath all over town! They had all other sorts of bubble baths, right, but none of hers! Not even a drop of it! And she would never have a bath with the wrong sort of bubble bath; they simply didn’t make the same pretty colours and bubbles in the tub.
 
Someone was going to pay for that, oh yeah! And mercy to those poor unsuspecting demons or vamps that would be facing her that night.
 
***
 
“But Warren, what has gone wrong? Because this definitely doesn’t look good to me.” Jonathan wanted to know, Andrew still repeated his mantra, having added the words ‘We will get our butts kicked’ to it.
 
“Nothing has gone wrong; all’s working fine so far.” Warren stressed the words. Nothing that he wouldn’t have anticipated had happened there; he just had to make the best out of the new situation; that was all. A how, which of course he hadn’t figured out yet. “And would you please shut Andrew up, he’s making me nervous with that whining. I need to think.”
 
“But…”


“No buts or whatever now people, is that clear?” Warren still chose to ignore the ranting vampire on the TV screen and faced his fellow Nerdians. “We had a plan, which was good by the way and still is, and we had a target. So, since we are here and the plan had worked, why don’t we get our target and make a move out of here? Preferably before the Slayer finds out what happened to her pet vampire?”
 
“Hey!”
 
“So we will take the target with us” Jonathan repeated slowly but then pointed with his fingers towards the television from where a really getting pissed off vampire glared at them. “But what about him?”
 
“Yeah, what about me? And what do you mean with taking the target with you?” Spike yelled at them. “You are not taking anything from here with you, especially not my body! Oh, god, now I’m already talking like I am no longer in my body!”
 
“Well, you aren’t.” Warren turned around and told him. “And we are taking that body with us, that’s what we came for.”
 
“But what about me?” Spike whined. “I can’t stay here in the telly for forever! I need to go back in my body so bloody undo what you’ve done!!”
 
“Why should we, we only need the body.” Warren told him, grinning evilly while doing so. “And you are just a bonus, one that sadly we don’t need right now.”
 
“You can’t do this to me!!” Spike yelled at the boy. All prospects of seeing himself forgotten, he just wanted to return to his body, sooner better than later. And maybe Buffy would be stopping by that night to get her special treat. Which would actually be a good idea, she would find them and then make them undo whatever they’d done to him. “Wait until I get out of here or better, Buffy will come here and find you, she will….”
 
“Ah, isn’t it much better with everything being silent once more.” Warren smiled towards the others, his hand still on the off-button of the television.
 
“What have you done?!” Jonathan screamed hysterically. Andrew joined him.
 
“Yeah, why did you do that?”
 
“He was getting on my nerves.” Warren explained casually, but Andrew now truly was distressed.
 
“But what about him, I mean what will happen to him now?” Andrew demanded to know. And the question truly was justified. They had no idea what would become of Spike now that he was turned off. Would he be now returning to his body after all?
 
Just that moment they heard a familiar voice from the outside of the crypt, a voice they hadn’t counted on so fast.
 
“Oh, no! Someone’s coming!”
 
***
 
So far, Buffy had dusted nearly a dozen vamps and it had only managed to relax her a little. Having had no luck at all with her bubble bath she was so desperate by now, she considered going back to the store and buying herself a different flavour of it. But one chance was still there left, she knew exactly who might have one more bottle of the bubbly stuff and thereby saving her evening, or rather night since it was fairly later by now.
 
She knew the way by heart, would have found it blindfolded in fact and that worried her slightly. Buffy shrugged the worries off, she was here on a mission, to get in, get her bubble bath lotion and get out. So, no big deal.
 
As she walked slowly over the cemetery, the one Spike resided on, she did notice the black van parked near the entrance but forgot about it quickly. All her Slayer senses were sharp and tuned onto her bubble bath stuff and they lead her directly towards his crypt.
 
The first thing she noticed when she wanted to make her usual entrance was the fact that the door already fell to the floor when she just had barely touched it. But that didn’t matter for the moment.
 
“Spike!” She shouted into the room, the light was still on, so he had to be awake. Well, of course he would be, it was night after all, normal daytime for him and the candles also still burning. Besides he was always awake when she came to him. “Where are you?”
 
She quickly checked the room, and her eyes fell upon the figure on the chair in front of the television, his eyes glued onto the television. Of course the screen was black. She grinned.
 
“Well, Spikey, haven’t paid the electricity bills, hm?” She snickered, but got no answer. He only turned his head to face her and glared at her. “Okay, I know you never pay the bills, just kidding. The actual reason for me coming here is a completely different one. And it is an emergency.”
 
Spike made a face. It had been an emergency after all that had started the whole mess in the first place. Instead he pulled her towards him the moment she had come within arm’s reach and Buffy found herself sitting in his lap in no time, his mouth nuzzling on her neck.
 
“Not that I’d mind, but I am really, really tired now.” Buffy told him, inside she thought, that it felt damn good to have him so close. She inhaled his scent and felt the butterflies inside her stomach racing. His glance told her that she could never be too tired.
 
“Well, okay, not that tired but I had a reason for coming here.” She protested weakly, it already felt relaxing to be sitting on his lap with his hands around her, holding her close. And when he finally pressed his lips gently on hers, embracing her in a sweet and tender kiss, she forgot about her fatigue or the reason she had come here in the first place. Buffy wanted the kiss to last forever, but unlike him she had to breathe.
 
Gasping for air after a particularly long kiss, she also came to her senses.
 
“I can’t do this anymore. This is wrong.” She told him, shaking her lust induced gaze off that came from sitting in his lap and turned on her heel and ran; right out of the crypt leaving a stunned looking Spike behind.
 
A Spike that still sat in the chair in front of the black television screen and hadn’t said a single word since Buffy had arrived. But of course she hadn’t noticed that, as well as she also hadn’t noticed the three Nerds who now stepped out of the shadows of the crypt where they had hidden from her.
 
“That was so cool, dude!” Andrew told Warren and he had this huge grin on his face. “How’d you do that?”
 
“Yeah, man.” Jonathan was also equally excited about it. “I mean when Buffy came in, I really thought we’re screwed, but then…that was awesome!”
 
“Simply genius, my friends.” Warren exclaimed proudly, twirling the remote control like in a Wild West movie. “That was true geniality, but not unexpected. So take a good look and learn!”
 
He pointed once more the remote towards Spike and pressed a button. Spike, who hadn’t reacted towards them at all or their short interaction, immediately stood up from the chair, obeying the command with an expressionless face. Warren’s grin spread around his whole face and he pointed with his remote at Spike, leading the vampire towards the door of the crypt by pressing the forward button on his remote control.
 
“Way cool!!” Jonathan and Andrew hovered around Warren like groupies, admiring his genius with envy on their side. “Can we also try that?”
 
Warren held onto his smile and especially onto his remote. No one of then would be getting their hands on it! It was his game for now and he enjoyed it thoroughly, overplaying the fact that he had absolutely no idea as to how it worked or why. But he wouldn’t tell that to these morons. Bathing in their admiration, he led the way out of the crypt into the night, where the van waited for them. And of course their plan, pardon his plan, was to be set in motion now that they had control over the vampire. This was going to be great after all, just like he had said it would.
 
Mission accomplished, for now.
 
***
 
Buffy was halfway home when something in her mind clicked. There had been a reason she had come to Spike and it hadn’t been for some smoochies. Of course, that had been okay also and she had enjoyed it. But Buffy had been on a mission and that hadn’t been accomplished yet. And she still wanted that bubble bath!
 
Buffy turned around and went back straight to the crypt, setting her mind on not to be seduced by Spike this time and her resolve face in place. She would not give into the sinister attraction of the vampire. Damn, he had felt so good underneath her and his lips crushing on hers…
 
Shaking these thoughts off, she entered the crypt, the door was still lying on the floor where it had fallen when she’d entered earlier. Everything still was like it had been during her previous visit not quite ten minutes ago.
 
But no Spike.
 
There was no sight of the bleached blond vampire in the whole room. That was odd, for he had been there, she was sure of it. And Buffy wasn’t that tired to be hallucinating; her sitting on his lap had been very real. At least it had felt that way, like these sensual lips on hers…
 
She was getting distracted once more. So, searching for the bubble bath, she went through his whole crypt, also looking for him. He wouldn’t miss the opportunity to make out with her, especially when she already had been there. Spike had to know that she would come back, well of course not for the bubble bath, but more for smoochies.
 
“Ah, got it!” She exclaimed triumphantly, holding a bottle of her favourite scented bubble bath lotion in her hand like it was the Holy Grail or something. With the prospect of getting that hot bubbly bath after all, she left the crypt, forgetting about the vampire but also slightly wondering about his whereabouts and why he had been so oddly silent tonight.
 
And the silent part was something, she had absolutely no explanation for.
 

Disclaimer and Notes: see Prologue
Spike’s brain
 
by Belladonna
 
~Chapter 5~
For the head is hollow and I have lost my mind
 
It was silent and dark where he was now. Especially dark, but to the darkness he usually was accustomed to. It was his life after all, the darkness of the night and stuff like that. Wasn’t that what he had told Buffy once?
 
Anyway, it still didn’t change the fact that it was still pretty dark. And silent. But the more he did think of that, the less did it change. And that was extremely frustrating. Also he already had mentioned it.
 
Still no change in sight. But then, there was always tomorrow.
 
***
When Buffy awoke that morning, she felt pleasantly refreshed. After gotten her bubble bath after all, there had been nothing to prevent her from relaxing and getting over the pains from doing inventory for Anya. But she bet that the others still would be hurting and giggled slightly. At least her Slayer strength was good for something useful other than dusting off vamps.
 
Humming to herself she went down to the kitchen to make some breakfast for her, Dawn and Willow. And she hadn’t to wait long until the others came down to her.
 
“Hey Buffy!” Her sister greeted her, smiling widely before grabbing a bowl and getting some cereal out of the kitchen closet. Her sister might have made breakfast for them, but Dawn sure as hell wouldn’t touch it. It was the same as with Buffy inviting her for a drive in the car. Dawn might be still young and inexperienced, but not that weary of life.
 
“Ugh!” That heavy groaning sound announced the other current inhabitant coming down from the upper level. To her own great dismay, Willow had once again noticed to not possess the fast recuperating abilities the Slayer had; meaning she still was sore and tired to the bone from inventory.
 
“Good morning, Willow!” The witch-on-parole by her ex-girlfriend was greeted with two nearly blinding grins coming from the two Summers’ girls. The only reason why they weren’t as tired as she was, would be due to the fact that Buffy was the Slayer, hence the faster healing, and that Dawn hadn’t been there for the inventory because of school work. And taking one glance at Willow, Dawn was for once in her life glad to have had school work to do.
 
“Do you have to be that cheerful in the morning?” Willow asked, letting herself fall down onto a chair and holding to the mug of coffee Buffy had set in front of her like onto a life-line.
 
“Yes!” The two said unison, putting on their best smiles to which Willow groaned.
 
“God, I hope that Anya won’t make us do that summer thing for her in the show.” Willow told them, sipping at her coffee. Then, putting on a grin herself she added “And I sure hope that Anya too is feeling that bad!”
 
***
 
“Good morning, honey!” Anya beamed happily, opening her eyes and stretching like a lazy cat. She felt great, truth to be told, she hadn’t felt that good for a long time. Xander mumbled something and turned around to get some more sleep. Which of course was impossible, now that Anya was awake. “I hope you’ve slept well, ‘cause we have a lot of work to do for today.”
 
“We have?” Xander asked, still half asleep. Anya nodded enthusiastically.
 
“Of course we do.” She began to explain. “We have to plan our wedding.”
 
“Which is something you’ve done for the past months now, Ahn. “Xander replied groggily. “Why don’t you finish that and let me sleep some more, sweetie?”
 
“But we’re getting married, so we are supposed to do that together.” Anya told him, furrowing her brows. “You do still want to marry me, right?”
 
“Of course I do!” At that, Xander was instantly awake. “Where on earth did you get a different idea from? I love you, Ahn!”
 
“Just checking. You know that a lot of soon-to-be husbands get cold feet before their wedding and leave their lovely soon-to-be wives in front of the altar.” Anya stated, looking expectantly at him. Xander’s eyes widened.
 
“I would never do that! Where did you get this nonsense now, more of these stupid bride magazines?” He asked her, clearly shocked. Anya just smiled sweetly at him.
 
“No, that would make my life experience. You know, from my former job?” She now looked him directly in the eyes, dead serious this time. “I’ve seen many men to get their punishment for doing just that. I don’t want to call in any favours should you decide to do that to me, leaving me standing there in an astonishing dress, that sure will outshine those of the maids of honour. And it took you really long to even tell your friends about us. I just am not sure that you really want to marry me at all. Besides, you never help me with the planning and all that and Bridal Magazine says…”
 
Xander reached over her and pulled her closer, finally silencing her with a kiss.
 
“I do love you, and I do want to marry you, Ahn.” He told her, his eyes locked onto hers. “And I promise to help you with the planning right after I get some more sleep. I promise that I will never leave you.”
 
He kissed her some more, kisses, she now returned with equal love for him in them like it had been in his. Needless to say that Xander didn’t get any more sleep after that.
 
***
 
A new day had come, but it still was kinda dark where he was. And like the dark thing, he part of not having left his current location yet also hadn’t changed, for he still remained where he had been before. This really was slowly but steadily getting boring by now. Maybe if he waited some more, someone would be finding him, saving him. And he promised to be grateful to that someone, even if it should be the whelp. And could somebody please switch the bloody light back on?
 
***
 
“Warren, you are a genius!” Andrew exclaimed for what had to be the thousandth time that morning. Jonathan also had vocally expressed his admiration for their fellow Nerdian and continued to stare in awe at Warren’s once more truly astonishing handy-work. And what he had accomplished truly was astounding.
 
Warren smiled broadly, a grin that this time nearly went around his head plastered his face and he beamed with pride. If he’d radiated more of that happiness in sun-bright waves, it sure would’ve been the end of their new project. And even he had to admit that it was something only he had been able to come up with. Warren leaned back in his chair, bathing in undisguised fame about his plan - yes it was his plan didn’t he already tell that?- and defended his control over the remote viciously, while watching his new pet project. No one would touch his remote!
 
Said pet project was currently cleaning the table and carrying the dishes to the sink where he proceeded then to wash them. Did I mention that said pet project was also currently wearing a huge and terribly ugly kitchen apron with huge letters printed on it that said ‘Kiss the Nerd’; a special kitchen utensil brought in when Andrew had joined them and which also had never before been used – hence the huge pile of dishes in the sink and pizza cartons next to it. Without speaking a single word, their very own remote vampire was doing their dishes for them, after he had prepared the breakfast table for them that was.
 
Spike still wore his dark jeans with an equally dark shirt and to complete the ensemble he had his trademark black boots on his feet. To go with everything there had been added a flashy silver headgear on top of his bleached blond hair. But that part of his outfit was completely involuntarily on his side.
 
Warren had decided to test some more of his fancier gadgets on him, and this one would be proving rather useful in extending control over the vampire across greater distances. And the part where it came to executing control over Spike over a far distance was a very crucial one in his plan. He couldn’t let the Slayer know that it was them who controlled him after all.
 
Not when they wanted to use him in taking her out.
 
But for the moment, it was just as satisfying to watch him parading around in the apron for them.
 
***
 
After a longer while, Anya and Xander finally got out of bed this morning, or should I say rather midday? It didn’t matter of course, and since it was a day when Anya would open the Magic Box not before around two in the afternoon, she for once didn’t complain about possible loss of money in that department. Also since Xander wasn’t due to show up at the construction site for this day, none of them had to have a guilty conscience about spending the whole morning in bed.
 
Alas Anya had to open the Magic Box sometime and so they both went into the kitchen to get something to eat for them. They were supposed to meet the others at the shop this day to discuss recent events regarding this Season’s baddie they were facing. Somehow Xander started to wonder where that thought had come from, but watching Anya getting breakfast ready for them made him forget all other things on his mind. He was really lucky to have her.
 
***
 
Yup, still dark and silent and whatnot. But by now he had gotten accustomed to it. And of course he would find a way to finally leave that place. The Slayer wouldn’t come to save him, he finally realized and it also made him a little sad. He’d done everything for her, and of course some more that would quickly raise the rating so he decided to not mention it right now.
 
Instead he concentrated on finding a plan to get the hell out of where he was. And of course he had no idea how he had gotten there. The only thing he remembered, or rather the last thing that is, was the Nerds standing in front of his body and talking like he hadn’t been there.
 
Waitaminute, what was the part of standing in front of his body again? He also remembered having a really good look at that body himself. And that was the impossible part of it, wasn’t it?
 
But he had been so sure to have seen himself. Of course, he couldn’t possibly know what he looked like now; only that it had a huge similarity to the one he remembered. So, if he had really seen himself, from an outsider’s perspective, how did he then get stuck here? And the most important part of it was, why?!
 
Damnit, he had to get out of there, it was making him nervous and really, really acting not like himself. Also he got a headache from thinking way too much. Not for the first time he wondered if his body was being stuck in the same situation.
 
***
With still wearing the rather hideous kitchen apron, Spike’s body raced through the Nerd-cave, the evil Nerd’s lair. In his hands he held a large broom and was busy cleaning the rest of Warren’s basement, while from his mouth to the tune of ‘wearing the apron low/high’ a humming sound emanated.
 
The Nerds were watching the scenery and were laughing so hard, their stomachs began to hurt, a lot. This was a great day for them and it sure should be getting better and better. And of course, Andrew and Jonathan did their best to glance admiringly towards Warren, hoping to get a chance in touching that remote and also being able to play with their newest toy. But Warren defended his reign over it fiercely.
 
***
 
“Could you please tell us once more why we are having this meeting again?” Anya asked impatiently, her mind already on the next potential customer that was strolling around in the shop. She was losing money should she not be able to coax that customer into buying something and she most certainly could not do that while standing around and talking about god knew what stupid things. Besides, she already was knee deep into her planning for the wedding, so it already was very hard for her to get these thoughts off her business mind.
 
“We are having a huge problem; that is why we are having this meeting.” Buffy explained patiently while fighting the urge to roll her eyes. Not twenty-four hours ago, she had been forced into an inventory she hadn’t even wanted because Anya had told her it was important. And now she was questioning a really important issue?
 
“Yes, I understood that, I only asked you to repeat it for those who didn’t know.” Anya stated; her eyes still glued on the customer.
 
“I guess there’s nobody here who didn’t know.” Buffy told her and suppressed the urge to just strangle that girl. “I shall begin then. And please someone kill me if I ever talk like Giles again.” That earned her snickers from everyone. “We all know that we do have a serious Nerd problem, one that cannot be solved by calling a Nerdbuster. These Nerdy ones are like the Energizer Bunny, they come back and come back and come back…”
 
“Bunnies!!!” Anya screamed hysterically, startling even the customer slightly and then clutched towards her fiancé. Nerds were one thing, potential money donors meaning paying customers also but bunnies?! “Where are they? Please kill them, Xander!!”
 
“There are no bunnies here, Ahn.” Xander did his best to calm the former vengeance demon down to her usual refreshingly tactless self. “You don’t need to be afraid, I will protect you.”
 
“Okay.” Anya said tentatively, looking around finally and getting the sight of the customer back again who was just walking over towards the more expensive displays. The sound of dollar signs clicking behind her eyes was almost audible at that. “But you know, bunnies are evil vile creatures. And that Energizer demon is the worst, devil incarnate mark my words!” With that she stomped over to greet the completely unsuspecting customer and to drag him over towards the even more expensive displays, practically forcing him to buy something, if only to get away from her again.
 
“Now that we have cleared this problem, we should be going back to the more urgent matter at hand.” Buffy told them, smiling slightly at Anya’s tries in doing business as usual. “What are we going to do with the Nerdy Three?”
 
Huge silence greeted her in answering that question, which was paired up with equally clueless facial expressions, identical on everybody else besides her and Anya of course who was still deep into selling stuff he actually didn’t need to that poor guy.
 
“Guess that screams for a research party!” Buffy declared happily but was immediately interrupted by Willow.
 
“Uh, I don’t mean to sound stupid or what, but wasn’t research usually for demons only?” She asked the Slayer and now it was Buffy’s turn to look clueless. Other than research, and that wasn’t something she usually participated in or liked for that, she absolutely had no idea what to do now.
 
“We still can do a research party.” Tara suggested helpfully, smiling. “But we make it only a clue seeking party, as in what to do about the Troika.”
 
“Good idea!!” Buffy beamed, hugely relieved at that. “We could go to the Bronze, like we used to for studying. I know that there is this really cool band playing tonight and…”
 
“Maybe we’ll ask Spike if he wants to join the party.” Tara said, looking knowingly towards Buffy. For once the Slayer looked uncomfortable among her friends.
 
“Why?” She asked hesitating. “Do you really think he might know something?”
 
“It is a possibility after all.” Willow joined in. She had not yet noticed Buffy squirming around on her chair, clearly uncomfortable with herself. “I mean he has connections to the underworld.”
 
“You mean the demon underworld, right?” Buffy asked, raising both her eyebrows. “I wouldn’t count on him knowing something and I don’t know if he knows anything, I mean he never knows anything useful and…”
 
“Buffy, you’re babbling.” Willow told her, eying her curiously. “You never babble, I am the one babbling and I do that when I’m nervous or on caffeine and…and…I’m doing it too already, am I not?”
 
Four heads nodded towards her, Anya was still busy nearly throwing her stuff onto the customer who steadfastly had refused to buy anything so far.
 
“Uh, I just meant that calling Spike wouldn’t gain us anything.” Buffy quickly explained, Xander already was looking at her in a really not-so-funny way. ‘He must not find out’ replayed inside her mind over and over again.
 
“What about Spike?” A voice came from the door. Dawn Summers, Buffy’s younger sister or a flashy ball of light put in human form depending on whom one asked, had just entered the Magic Box, whistling happily.
 
“He might know something about the Trio of Nerds.” Tara explained to the teen. “We are trying to figure out what to do about them and he might have some information that we don’t and we were wondering whether he’d join us for research.”
 
“Good luck finding him then.” Dawn said, putting her bag onto the table and pulling herself a chair over. She sat down and played with some straps on the bag before she added “I had none.”
 
“What do you mean, you had no luck?” Buffy looked alarmed and wondered slightly why she didn’t think of punishing Dawn for going to the crypt without telling her. “What about Spike?”
 
“Who cares what about Spike, why were you looking for him, Dawnie?” Xander asked her. It did absolutely not please him that she was spending an awful lot of time with that particular vampire. After all, she used to have a huge crush on him and secretly he had enjoyed it. Besides, he and Spike weren’t on best speaking terms, if only someone could tell the vampire that too, Xander wouldn’t have to deal with him so much.
 
“Look, I went over to his crypt, by the way that place really needs a good dusting, because he was supposed to help me with history.” Dawn explained, starting to look concerned herself. Xander began to rub his hands happily and twitching with anticipation at the term ‘dusting’. “And no, I don’t mean that he should be dusted, it’s just his place that is all dusty but that must be from being a crypt. So, he promised to give me a more accurate insight into it than the books can, like how he had lived through it and all that. Anyway, I was there and he wasn’t. No Spike. The crypt was empty. Buffy what did you do now to make him go away?”
 
“What!?” Now it was Buffy’s turn to look really, really concerned and startled. “I didn’t do anything!”
 
“Come one, you must have done something.” The teen nearly whined. “He would never leave me, never!”
 
“Maybe someone has finally staked the un-dead-man-walking?” Xander suggested, sounding really hopefully while still rubbing his hands together and that remark earned him a rather hard slap on the arm from Dawn.
 
“He would not leave me!” She repeated and she even managed to growl at Xander. Spike would’ve been proud of her. No, she shouldn’t say that, like talking like he already was dead. Well, technically he was dead, but who cared about that little insignificant part?
 
“I’ll go by the crypt and tell him about the meeting.” Buffy tried to play peace maker. “And maybe he’ll come to the Bronze for it or has some other useful information.” If not, I can always continue what he started yesterday, Buffy thought to herself. But they must not find out, they must not find out…
 
Somewhere in her head a tiny little voice began to rise mockingly by telling her that she in fact had wanted to tell them about Spike and her. Buffy willed that voice to shut up.
 
“We’ll be meeting at the Bronze later then.”
 
And with that the preliminary meeting ended, needless to say that they had achieved nothing at all so far.
 
***
 
There had to be a way out of this dark place, he thought to himself, or that was it he had been mentally repeating for the past hours. But of course he didn’t know about the hours, since in darkness all hours were the same. The Slayer would find him and save him, he just had to wait.
 
But didn’t he already mention that waiting sucked?
Especially in that dark place?
 
Well, it did. He had to get out of there, it started to drive him crazy. Or maybe he already was crazy, with seeing himself and all that? And thinking about the rest of him and these whereabouts had caused him one hell of a migraine already.
Could he even get a migraine where he was?
He had to do something!
 
***
 
Buffy had stopped by the crypt on her way towards the Bronze. And she had found no sight of Spike, none at all. That itself wasn’t the thing that made her wonder but rather the fact that everything still was the same like it had been the night before. He had probably gone out to play cards with his friends or was already at the Bronze waiting for her to show up.
That had it to be, Buffy thought. He maybe was there, cheating the last few dollars out of a poor unsuspecting college kid at pool or steal it again from Xander.
 
Buffy had to smile at that, she still wondered how the vampire managed to get everything working inside his crypt, the television and the fridge for the blood without paying any bills or having an income at all. Maybe one day he would tell her his business secret and she’d profit from that. It was better than working in the Fast Food Hell she had gotten a job now.
 
Buffy scanned the room with her Slayer senses to check out if these Nerds had played around with their invisibility gun again and this time turned the vampire into nothing, but she didn’t get the vibes she usually got when he was around her. Dawn had been right, he just wasn’t there, but where could he have gone? Besides if he truly was invisible, she sure would have found out by now. As she happened to know Spike, he would have made full and good use of that situation. Lifting the door up from the crypt floor, she closed that way the room again and went towards the Bronze.
 
They really had to do something about these Nerds, they started messing up with her life again and if there was something to really, really piss her off, that little point definitively was on number one top of that list.
 
***
 
The door of the crypt closed the same time the television monitor flickered to life again. But there was no program on it so far and it wouldn’t be. Instead a very familiar face showed up.
 
“Where the bloody hell am I?! And where’d my body go?!”
 
***
 
It had been a great day for Warren. With the two others hovering around him like groupies he thoroughly enjoyed himself. But now it was time to set his plan in motion. Watching the vampire parading around in the kitchen outfit that made every other housewife jealous, but it wasn’t exactly what he had imagined. So he stopped the show sometime after noon and urged the others to get the party rolling. Warren gathered his things and packed Spike into the Nerdmobile, together with the others to go out and play. Phase One of his plan would start tonight.
 
While watching the others carry their equipment into the van, Warren mentally went once more over his plan in its entirety. Basically it was too simple and that was it that made it that good. The Slayer wouldn’t suspect anything and from what he had discovered over the last weeks observing her, everything would turn out just fine. He had the perfect weapon to fight her, take her down and make her pay for everything she’d done to him.
 
And with complete control over the vampire, nothing could go wrong.
 
At last, he would have his revenge on the Slayer.
 
***
 
The Bronze was already pretty crowded and Buffy nearly hadn’t managed to spot her friends at all in the dark room. It was something of a special dance theme night or anything like that, all the guests wore those glowing plastic rings on their heads, around their necks, wrists or ankles and the dance-floor was illuminated with neon pink, yellow, orange and green lights. When their wearers moved around, the light effect was really cool and with the right music to accompany their movements it nearly was perfect.
 
“Hey Buffy!” Xander gestured towards her and following his lead, Buffy made her way through the dancing crowd to a table at the edge of the dance-floor. “Over here!”
 
“Did you have any luck in finding Spike?” Tara asked her as soon as Buffy had joined them. “Will he come?”
 
“No. No luck finding Spike at all. He wasn’t in his crypt or anywhere near it.” Buffy answered her sullenly, trying to do her best to banish concern and disappointment out of her voice. It still replayed inside her mind: they must not know, they must not know…
 
“Well, then we’ll have to do it without him.” Xander told them, and he tried his best to get the sound of clear joy out of his voice. If Spike wasn’t there, he wouldn’t be stealing his money again and he didn’t have to watch him ogle at Buffy all the time. That was so disgusting, Xander thought.
 
“But he wouldn’t leave without telling you.” Willow joined the concerned-about-Spike club. “I mean, he wouldn’t just go, would he?”
 
“I don’t know.” Buffy said honestly. “He told me he’d never leave me. Maybe he’s just around somewhere cheating at kitten poker.”
 
“Kitten poker?” Xander had this clueless look on his face but was ignored.
 
“So what do we have yet?”
 
“Uh, nothing much other than the Nerds constantly trying to defeat us with flimsy ideas and us now knowing who they are.” Willow supplied and Buffy nodded eagerly.
 
“Yeah, right. So we do know who they are and what they have done, but not what they’ll do next. The question is, what are we going to do with that info?” Buffy asked the others but received not quite an answer to that. In fact none of the others were still listening to her at all. Instead they all stared transfixed towards the dance-floor.
 
The lights had gone almost out in the club and now the glowing plastic thingies were even better visible and the effect absolutely great. All eyes were now glued onto the floor where people danced to the music, but everyone had stopped by now. That meant all but one, for one sole dancer was still out there, moving gracefully to the music. In his hands he held two of the glow-sticks and that and the ones around his ankles were the only things visible of him at all. He was moving with perfect synchronicity to the sounds, his hands moving around so that the green glowing things seemed to blur into circling lines. To that his feet also were rapidly at movement, doing the moonwalk and some other dancing moves like those boy bands did these days. But it looked awesome, simply astonishing and even Buffy had to admit that this was like magic. To put it in words one had to have seen it, but it was astounding, fabulous and whatnot. Also it had the girls drooling.
 
“Wow, this is so great.” Buffy said admiringly and the others nodded.
 
“Yes, that guy has got the groove!” Willow said. Being a lesbian did not mean that she couldn’t acknowledge or rather admire a guy’s talent. And with it being very dark, it could also be a girl dancing out there, doing some break-dance moves right now.
 
“Why can’t you dance like that?” Anya asked her fiancé. “Maybe you should ask that guy for lessons so that you will finally learn to dance.”
 
“Ahn, I don’t want to dance like that.” Xander said, rolling his eyes. Secretly he had to admit that he was pretty jealous at this guy’s talent.
 
“This looks really difficult to me.” Tara wondered. “But it goes so easy to him. He’s must be a pro.”
 
“Definitely.” Buffy still was in full ogle-mood, despite the fact that other than these glowing sticks nothing could be seen from that guy with the great moves. She was really playing with the thought of joining him there, dancing with him before someone else did. Why couldn’t Spike dance like this; that would be soo sexy to be watching him dancing with some sticks in his crypt, of course without a shirt on and… Bad Buffy, she scolded herself. Bad, bad thoughts, Buffy!
 
“I wonder who that guy is, he must be really sexy one.” Anya exclaimed dreamily, the other girls, lesbian or not also had this dreamy look in their eyes. Even Xander was now openly showing his jealousy of not being able to dance like this.
 
They guy on the floor continued dancing like there was nobody else around him, moving to the music and gyrating his body while twirling the sticks in his hands. Buffy and the rest of the Scoobies had moved closer to get a better look at the show.
 
Suddenly the music died and the lights went on again, the spotlight on the dancer in the middle of all the people that had gathered around him to watch. And it also gave all of them a really good first look at him, at least a first look now in the lighted room. Five mouths hung agape, stunned glances accompanying their jaws on the floor where they had crashed once they’d recognized the dancer.
 
“SPIKE?!”
 

Disclaimer and Notes: see Prologue
Spike’s brain
 
by Belladonna
 
~Chapter 6~
Spikey X
 
(music featured in this chapter is The Offspring’s ‘Pretty fly for a white guy’, lyrics are by me)
 
From where it previously had been pretty dark, that now had changed into being kind of much brighter at the moment. But as for where he remained, unfortunately still had stayed the same.
 
It was definitely time to do something about that too. Otherwise he sure as hell would be going crazy soon or these Nerdy Ones would be coming back for him and take him wherever they had taken his body already.
 
On the other hand, he then might stand the chance to get reunited with his body after all. And right now he really wanted to know what said body happened to be doing.
 
***
 
Silence had descended upon the assembled Scoobies. Meanwhile as for the rest of the crowd inside the Bronze, or at least the female half, all hell had broken loose. Dozens of girls were swarming around the mysterious dancer who had turned out to be Spike. Spike for god’s sake! And they didn’t even know that he could move that way!
 
As said, all these girls were practically throwing themselves onto Spike, trying their best to make a move on him and of course it was understandable since he was a rather attractive guy, not to mention downright sexy with his trained and well-muscled abs that was showing nicely through the tight shirt he wore. All these girls were drooling at him, just like Buffy and the other female Scoobies had done before and even Xander had looked at him in a different way, at least until he knew that it was in fact Spike who was doing the dancing part.
 
But it seemed that Spike had absolutely no eyes for them at all for his were glued onto one single person only. And that person felt her knees become all wobbly and turn into jell-o. It was like the ocean parting and the rest of the girls in the Bronze doing the actual parting. They must have sensed something like they always do and now shot daggers at this one girl that handsome guy was heading towards.
 
For Xander it was like this perfect movie moment and he was pretty sure that it was for the others too. With the music once again starting to play there yet was an eerie silence that swirled around him. And it must be the light doing tricks on him since there seemed to be spots dancing in the air. Spike had thrown his sticks away that he had been dancing with and made his way towards Buffy, she magically being drawn towards him. Yes, it was the perfect movie moment with all the slow motion going on and that, except that it had Spike in it and to top that he was there not alone but together with Buffy!
 
Buffy seemed to be transfixed only onto Spike, she simply couldn’t take her eyes off him no matter how much she tried to. And maybe she didn’t try that hard since she caught herself not wanting to do so.
 
It was like in slow-motion as Spike walked towards her and then she knew nothing more but his lips pressing gently but still urging with clear need onto hers, his tongue inside her mouth and his arms around her, bending her so that he now towered above her, still kissing Buffy deeply.
 
Buffy was completely taken by surprise there but she sure as hell didn’t mind. In fact, she quite enjoyed everything and wanted it to last so she slung her own arms tightly around Spike, clinging onto him and going with the motions, returning his kiss.
 
Of course she was unaware of the fact that everybody in the club, and that also included her assembled friends, were watching her right now. And of course where the female half of the bystanders were still shooting daggers at her and the male half were glaring jealously at the female half, the Scoobies’ jaws hat once more assumed their by now familiar places on the floor.
 
Their kiss lasted for like an eternity, time had stopped and the angels in heaven were almost singing. But it had to stop eventually. And when it did it wasn’t just because Buffy needed to breathe sometime. It was also, because everybody had started cheering and clapping loudly, well except for the Scoobies who were still in shock. That meant all but Anya, who was probably the only one of them smiling appreciatively at the couple.
 
“About time they did that. I bet they’ll be giving each other lots of orgasms.”
 
***
 
From the balcony in the Bronze, three figures had joined the cheering crowd with clapping like mad.
 
“Wow; that was awesome!” Jonathan said with undisguised admiration for their leader. Andrew stopped cheering and whistling loudly for a second and joined his fellow Nerdian’s declaration.
 
“Yeah, I mean simply great, true masterpiece of art!” Andrew praised, smiling dopily. “That was like in that one episode on Star Trek where this guy puts the whammy on Kirk and Spock and controls their mind to force them do whatever he wants to and…”
 
“Exactly.” Warren grinned and was rubbing his hands together. “Only what we can do is so much better since we don’t have to be that close so Buffy will notice us. We can control Spike from wherever we want to and make him do whatever we want him to do. Plus we can hide a camera on him and have us a really great movie night. What do you say?”
 
“Ooh, goodie!” Jonathan and Andrew said unison. “This is so great, you definitely are a genius, Warren.”
 
Warren was severely pleased; he never tired of hearing them say that about him, praising him like they should do. Since it was true after all, he was a genius and they better not forget that.
 
“But what about our plan to kill the Slayer?” Andrew asked him. Jonathan’s head whipped around.
 
“What about killing?” He screamed nearly hysterically. “There was no mention of killing her at any point. We never talked about killing her!!”
 
“Relax and keep your panties dry.” Warren told him, mentally sending lots of colourful synonyms for the word idiot into Jonathan’s direction and Andrew’s also, since that boy had started it. “It was always about killing the Slayer, why else would we be doing all this stuff, hm?!”
 
“But we never talked about actually killing her!” Jonathan repeated, gesturing wildly. “We already have blood on our hands and I still think we should be going to the police because of that…”
 
“Calm down, will you?” Warren cut him off sharply. “Katrina’s death was an accident, alright! And it can’t be helped, she is dead and we didn’t mean it, but now we have to go on, okay?”
 
“Alright, but why do we want to kill Buffy now? I don’t want to kill Buffy, she saved my life!” Jonathan insisted, all fun from previously suddenly gone.
 
“We don’t want to kill the Slayer.” Warren explained impatiently. He rather wanted to watch the others reaction to the situation, especially from the Slayer’s friends than to go over the plan once more. “We never planned to kill her; well actually we did, but it was not in the killing kind of way.”
 
“Huh?”
 
“You can kill a person in different ways and not all of them require the death of that person.” Warren said lecturing, turning around to watch the dance floor and more specifically the Slayer and her friends. A broad smile had crept upon his face; he truly was very pleased with what he had accomplished so far. “Sometimes, it just needs some public humiliation in front of her friends to achieve that also.”
 
***
 
He had to get out of there. Of that he was pretty sure, he just wasn’t as sure about the little part of how he would accomplish that.
But contrary to his previous musings he now had an idea.
 
The Slayer would help him, she had to.
 
Only he had to get somehow to her and that was a small matter to which solution he frantically worked his brains out. And he had exactly the necessary tool for it.
 
***
 
“Are you crazy, Buffy!!” After seeing this, Xander nearly threw a fit. But of course he knew exactly who to blame. “This is all your fault, Willow! What kind of weirdo spell did you do now!!”
 
Xander was furious, gesturing wildly he got his sane mind back first and pulled Buffy away from Spike’s embrace, shoving the vampire towards the cheering crowd in the process. Buffy still had this dreamy look on her face from the kiss, especially in her eyes and Xander didn’t like that at all. This was just not normal!
 
“I didn’t do anything!” Willow defended herself. “I-I’m clean of magic for some time now. Why does everybody always think that it was me doing a spell and that naturally it would’ve gone wrong?!”
 
All eyes glared towards her, for here no answer was really needed.
 
“You are all so mean to me.”  Willow pouted and crossed her hands in front of her chest. “It’s not like I would do a spell to make them love each other…oh…but I didn’t do it this time, really.”
 
“Buffy, snap out of it, this is not real.” Xander tried to reach the girl who still glanced dreamily towards Spike. The vampire just stood there, watching them but remaining silent. Xander had expected some cocky remark from him, gloating with what he had done but he was disappointed in that department. “What is it with you and vampires, especially the evil dead here? And here I had so hoped to never repeat this traumatizing experience ever again.”
 
“Maybe we should slap her this time.” Anya suggested helpfully but was ignored.
 
“I don’t think that she’s gone crazy.” Tara interjected. “Wait, that wasn’t a good choice of words. I mean that I don’t think that it is so unimaginable. It did look sweet though.”
 
“WHAT?! Is this crazy image of thinking Buffy and Spike together kinda contagious?” Xander backed away from them, horrified that he might be the next one.
 
***
 
A familiar looking black car stopped in front of one house on Revello Drive. But there was no driver visible inside. Well, it couldn’t have been since the windows were painted over. But also nobody stepped out of it.
 
Dawn was looking out the window. She had heard a car approaching and she knew that sound. Happily she had gotten up from the couch and jumped over to the window. The teen then was a little bit disappointed though, because she could see his car alright but he would not come out of it. She had thought that he would try to make up for the missed history lesson earlier but that apparently also was not the case. Suppressing a pout, since it would be useless anyway with no one to see it, she walked back to the couch and flopped down on it. On her knees she had some glossy girly magazine she was looking through and in the background one of these night time television shows was running.
 
Dawn was not only mad at Spike for obviously forgetting their teaching lesson that afternoon, by the way where the hell could he have gone during broad daylight, but also at the other Scoobies for once again not taking her with them. Granted she still was a teenager and shouldn’t be going out late at night, especially not to the Bronze and on a school night on top of that, but that had been a disguised Scooby meeting and she still felt left out by them. Now she started pouting, no longer caring whether it would have an effect or not. It was about time that they saw her as a member of the Scoobies and not just the appendix of Buffy or something like that.
 
On the television the channel suddenly changed and one of these rock bands started to play. Only that it wasn’t them on the screen but instead a very familiar face. And the music continued to play.
 
***
 
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
And all the Slayers say I’m pretty hot for a dead guy.
 
On the screen three lovely ladies began to sway to the music, three that looked absolutely identical to each other for each were wearing not only Buffy’s body but also her face. To barely cover their bodies they had gold coloured bikinis and all of them had put on smiles that would’ve made the late Buffybot pretty jealous. Flashy light and sound effects went along with the design of the three Buffy’s dancing. But of course there still was Spike who had yet to make his visual entrance.
 
The Slayer’s had her fair share of vampires in the past
Now most of them are dust now, ‘cuz none of them did last
All the others had been losers, they didn’t stand a chance
But I’m around for what now? For four bloody long years!
 
There was it, this familiar deep voice that usually made Buffy melt when she heard it. Sadly she wasn’t here to hear it. On screen the image of Spike was just dancing with the three Buffy’s; going along the motions and he knew exactly how to move. The scenery was a hot summer day at the beach, for a moment ignoring that Spike as a vampire couldn’t go out actually during the period of the day when the sun was standing way too high upon the sky; and Spike was there, bathed in sunlight with his three Buffy’s who were at the moment swirling around him, nearly melting into on with their movements.. And they were dancing very close now, Spike grabbing one Buffy and pulling her tight, almost kissing her before he went for the next one; the remaining two continuing their gyrating movements of their hips, shaking their whole bodies.
 
In the Summers’ living room Dawn dropped her magazine, her jaw nearly fallen to the floor. Out of wide eyes she watched the whole thing unfold, unable to say a single word.
 
There’s no debate, let’s get this out straight
You know you really couldn’t stake me anyway
Come on admit it now, I’m cute somehow
You know it too, you know it too
 
All previous anger forgotten, Dawn continued staring transfixed towards the small television screen and the image of Spike together with her older sister in rather compromising positions that managed barely to stay under R rating.
 
Just say “Spikey dear” and I’ll shift into gear
I’ll give you lots of fun if you’ll just allow for yourself some
I’ll grab my personal Slayer and
Hey, hey doing my vampire thing
 
The video Spike still was doing his dancing thing with the three Buffy’s, wearing a way cool grey suit and his hair not gelled flat to the head like he used to but more curly. His deep blue eyes were sparkling with life and energy, so clearly full of love for her sister that no one would now be able to deny it or speak of it as an unhealthy obsession. Even Dawn had to admit that he indeed did look really sexy right then. If only she’d been a bit older and he not so much into her sister…She’d have to lock away her diary from now on so that Buffy would never find it to read in it. This definitely was much, much better than Bronzing with the others. But as to what exactly was happening or she was watching she had no clue at all.
 
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
And all the Slayers say I’m pretty hot for a dead guy.
 
***
 
Buffy and the others chose that moment to walk up the entrance way towards the house. It rather was that Xander, taking charge, had decided to get her home before something else would happen between her and Spike. The vampire suddenly had vanished from the Bronze before Xander could do something life-threateningly to him for which Buffy was extremely grateful. The better part of the last half hour she had been trying to convince her friends that she neither was possessed not under any other magickal influence at all during kissing Spike. Well, technically he had kissed her first, but then she had to admit that she’d not only returned it but also enjoyed.
 
“Hey, what’s the evil undead’s car doing here?” Xander asked curiously, still fuming about what he had sworn to never have to witness again. At least they had been just kissing. “He’s about to get his butt kicked for good this time!”
 
“Maybe you are acting a bit too harsh on him.” Willow interjected and got cut off by a dirty look of Xander immediately.
 
“But violence won’t achieve anything.” Tara tried to play the emissary of peace. “You shouldn’t be so mad at him, he does love Buffy truly.”
 
“Besides, this is Spike we are talking about. He probably likes it.” Anya quipped up, much to her fiancé’s dismay.
 
“Can I say, gross!!” Xander made a really disgusted face. “This is disgusting!”
 
“But I thought you liked Spike.” Anya said confused. “I thought he was so well muscled and compact and all that. That’s what you said, remember? Also I thought you wanted to make him your best-man for the wedding because he is your best friend.”
 
“Ahn, that was something I told you in private and is not to be discussed here.” Xander hissed, clearly embarrassed. “I never said he was my best friend.”
 
“Well, then I must have mistaken that but why do you spend so much time with him if you don’t like him at all?” Anya now was completely confused. “Don’t humans usually only do that with people they like?”
 
“Yes, Xander, tell us about how much you hate Spike again.” Buffy now spoke and Willow and Tara joined in.
 
“Ah, we are here, home sweet home.” Xander tried to change the subject. “Let’s get inside and give Dawnie some company won’t we.”
 
“Yes and then we can continue our discussion about Spike, seeing as he will be in there, too.” Anya quipped up.
 
“Thank you so much for bringing it up once again.” Xander groaned. He so wanted not to witness a repeat of what had happened in the Bronze tonight.
 
“You’re welcome.” Anya beamed and the other girls giggled.
 
When they entered the room, they weren’t greeted like usual by a jumpy Dawn who wanted to know everything about the meeting and the other stuff but more by blaring music from the living room. And Spike’s voice.
 
I have this way cool coat there, that’s a really hot piece
That hadn’t been a bargain, had been honest work of steal
My hear is a bleached blond and all without a mirror, wow
If you ask now how I do it, I can’t really tell you how.
 
***
Somewhere in a basement in Sunnydale, the VCR was running to tape that Star Trek marathon on the Sci-Fi channel when the program had been unnoticed interrupted.
 
***
 
In the living rooms all over the country confused people were furiously hitting their remotes in desperately trying to get their programs back.
 
***
 
In a hotel in Los Angeles a girl was humming silently along with the music. Fred had been assigned to research, also to baby-sit Connor and the small television monitor in the hotel lobby was the exact right thing to accompany her while doing it. She always had enjoyed music, especially when she was studying. It did relax her and made her work more efficiently and since she had been spending an awful long time in a demon dimension where there existed no music at all, Fred now enjoyed every single minute of having actual music, not just the one inside her head. Also that guy on the screen looked really hot with his bleached blond curly hair, these intense blue eyes and the elegant and stylish beige suit, no shirt underneath. Fred felt her knees turn into jelly and she put her book aside to only watch the man on the screen, dancing even closer now with these three blond girls whose extremely short skirts revealed more than they actually covered. She was so caught in the music video that she didn’t notice the rest of the crew of Angel Investigations return from their recent demon hunt.
 
“And once again the fearless Fang Gang has won another glorious victory!” Wesley announced very un-Wesley like. They all were covered with some slime apparently from the demon they had been fighting but for now they were smiling.
 
“Hey, Fred, how’s everything going?” Gunn asked the girl who hadn’t turned her glance away from the television monitor. “This screams for a victory party, what do you guys think?”
 
“Definitely!” Cordelia agreed but the same time was wiping rather uselessly with some cloth at her mostly ruined clothing. “Damn, this was a new outfit.”
 
“You should try not rubbing it into your clothes, once it’s dried, you can peel it off.” Angel told her, putting the battle axe into a weapons chest with the other weapons. “How’s my little one?”
 
“Oh, he’s been a good boy, sleeping now.” Fred told him, never taking her eyes off the screen. Angel walked over to the crib where his son was sleeping soundly. The little baby boy looked so peaceful and Angel still marvelled the wonder that was the existence of the child; Angel himself felt at peace at this sight.
 
He had yet to see the television display that Fred was so engrossed in.
 
“What’cha been up to?” Cordelia asked the Texan girl. She actually was a bit curious as to why she was watching rather television than looking at them; she never missed the chance to smile at the three men once they had returned. Maybe she had a crush on all of them, Cordelia mused. “And who’s the hottie on the screen that managed to keep your attention from the oh-so sexy slime covered Gunn and Wesley.”

Gunn and Wesley were moving towards the stairs to change and Angel was gently caressing his son’s cheek when Cordelia got her first good view at the television screen.
 
“Oh my god!”
 
There’s no debate, let’s get this out straight
You know you really couldn’t stake me anyway
Come on admit it now, I’m cute somehow
You know it too, you know it too
Just say “Spikey dear” and I’ll shift into gear
I’ll give you lots of fun if you’ll just allow for yourself some
I’ll grab my personal Slayer and
Hey, hey doing my vampire thing
 
Cordelia’s shrill cry of surprise caused the others to turn around immediately and they hurried towards the television. On the small screen the blond guy was once again grabbing the blond girl in a tight embrace, this time kissing her deeply while she was hugging herself towards his body, his hands on her hips and moving further down to her milky thighs. In the background the lights changed from flashy green over icy blue to seductive red, bathing the two obviously lovers in its glow.
 
“What in heaven’s name is that?” Wesley asked stunned, having recognized the girl in the video immediately.
 
“Hot chick.” Gunn commented matter of factly, being with Fred the only one who actually knew neither the girl nor the singer. “But why is she clinging to that vampire?”
 
A really loud growl behind them made all four nearly jump in surprise. Immediately afterwards the little boy in the crib started to cry. Angel also had walked into the view of the television screen. Something about the voice of the singer had seemed scarily familiar and the name had made him being dead sure about who the performer was. Then he still hadn’t seen the girl who was there with him, or rather quite on him.
 
But what he now was seeing there caused his heart to stand still. Technically it did that always, but would it have beat, it would’ve certainly done that. Where Wesley only had recognized the girl in the video, wearing nothing but an extremely short and tight skirt and was still clinging to the vampire, both Cordelia and Angel had recognized said vampire also. And the way he was touching Buffy there on the screen made Angel roar with fury.
 
“I’m gonna kill him!”
 
***
 
“I’m gonna kill him!” Xander declared furiously. Willow and Tara just stood there in shock while Buffy looked terribly embarrassed and completely stunned. How the hell did he manage to pull that trick off?
 
“That looks so hot, why aren’t we doing that, Xander?” Anya asked bluntly.
 
“Uh, hi Buffy!” Dawn greeted her sister. “Hey, guys. Did you know that Spike’s on TV?”
 
Now I’ve started poetry again and singing songs on stage
I used to be quite bad then, that’s what they have always said
But now I do it without a shirt on, yeah pet, that’s a real must see
The Slayer starts to swoon at this, who cares ‘bout once bloody awful poetry?
 
The image on the screen had once again changed into Spike wearing really tight leather pants and no shirt, his muscled chest covered only with the dancing light and of course Buffy. The Slayer was running her hands down Spike’s naked chest, wiggling her back against him when she turned around and guided his hands down her hips. They now were moving in perfect synchronicity, the light still playing above them and way hot sexual tension coming off in huge waves from them.
 
“I see it and I don’t believe it.” Buffy managed to say. Willow just nodded, still speechless. Tara only smiled inwardly, thinking that it was something they both had done together. She had no idea that Buffy didn’t just fake her being completely stunned at this.
 
“He really is well-muscled. Plus, he looks well equipped to satisfy you, Buffy.” Anya stated in her usual tactless honesty.
 
“This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this can’t be real.” Xander started to repeat over and over again. And he so had wanted to never see Buffy kissing Spike again. He had seen it more than he’d wished for, and it kept repeating itself always so that he would witness it. Someone up there really must hate him.
 
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
How ya doin’ Spikey? A-ha, a-ha!
And all the Slayers say I’m pretty hot for a dead guy.
 
On the screen, once again the three Buffy’s danced in their bikinis, their skin coloured in a summer bronze tone and their hair falling loosely over their shoulders. Spike danced in front of them, moving his body and seemingly looking directly into the eyes of Buffy, the one who was standing frozen in front the screen. He went on to the last chorus.
 
There’s no debate, let’s get this out straight
You know you really couldn’t stake me anyway
Come on admit it now, I’m cute somehow
You know it too, you know it too
 
The Spike on the screen grabbed one of the Buffy’s, enveloping her in a tight embrace and an even tighter kiss, the lights in the background flickering and flashing.
 
Just say “Spikey dear” and I’ll shift into gear
I’ll give you lots of fun if you’ll just allow for yourself some
I’ll grab my personal Slayer
My very own personal Slayer
And hey, hey doing my vampire thing!
 
There now was a close-up of him, in full game-face which he had let wash over his handsome human features during the last verse, while one of the Buffy’s had her arms around him and the other two were kneeling to his sides, looking adoringly up to him with their hands on his thighs.
 
***
 
“Have you seen that?”
 
Somewhere else in another basement, two guys were sitting in front of the telly to watch some 80’s show when the program had been interrupted. Billy, one of them was grabbing a bowl full of popcorn and munched on them happily. That interruption had made them miss their show but the bikini clad girls had been worth it, forgetting for a moment that it had been always the same one.
 
“Cool video, dude.” Lenny told him, reading the title and performer. “Spikey X feat. The Slayer; ‘Pretty hot for a dead guy’. I wonder when that song’s gonna come out. I hope they’ll put the video on to the release, too.”
 
“Yeah, but have you seen the guy?” Billy asked, still being on a sugar high and one that came not from the huge amount of sweets he had devoured but more from some scenes on screen. “I mean have you seen that face? Way cool.”
 
“Yes, fascinating.” Lenny answered with a raised eyebrow. “I wonder how they did that though, it didn’t look like a mask.”
 
“Maybe he got his head caught in a rice-picker, too?” Billy smiled innocently towards his friend. Lenny shot him a dirty look.
 
***
 
“Didn’t know that you had it in you.” Dawn grinned broadly at her older sister. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
 
“Yeah, why didn’t you tell us, Buffy?” Willow asked her, eying her friend carefully and for a moment forgetting the fact that they had just watched Buffy dancing in a way too close for comfort kind of way with Spike, invading each other’s personal space too often.. Buffy felt rather uncomfortable under their glances.
 
“What do you mean? I had no idea of this, really.” She stammered. “I swear I had no idea of this or how he made that. But I’m gonna so kick his butt if I find out, though.”
 
“Yeah, where is he, Dawn?” Xander asked the teen, growling slightly. Only his self control enabled him to not loose consciousness or run like the devil would be after him through the house to get his hands on Spike. “I know he’s here somewhere, don’t you deny it. I saw his car outside.”
 
“Well, then good luck finding him here.” Dawn glared at him, not exactly being intimidated by Xander’s tries to achieve just that. “’cause he’s not here.”
 
“But he has to be here. I want to kick his butt, too!” Xander said enthusiastically, being torn between being extremely mad and also trying to banish the image of Buffy in these way too short skirts and bikinis out of his mind. “Besides his car is standing right outside.”
 
“Well, I am not hiding him here, though I would do it.” Dawn stood up now, facing Xander and being ready to defend her friend if necessary. “But he isn’t.”
 
“Well actually little bit, I am.” The all too familiar voice of Sunnydale’s resident chipped vampire filled the room, startling them all. They spun around to find out where it came from but he simply wasn’t there to see.
 
“Where the hell are you?” Xander asked furiously, the desire to hit the annoying vampire still present. “Come out so that I can hurt you!”
 
“Would love to do that, but see there’s this small problem I have.” Spike explained calmly. “If you all would turn your attention to the bloody telly…”
 
“Holy shit, Spike you’re on television!” Anya exclaimed as they all took a closer look at the television screen.
 
“Really? I hadn’t noticed that before.” Spike said sarcastically. “I guess now that you have noticed that too, can we go to the point where you lot find a way to get me the hell out of here!”
 
Speechless and clueless faces greeted him to that one. Only Anya had one last comment to supply.
 
 “And you don’t even look fat on the screen.”
 

Disclaimer and Notes: see Prologue
Spike’s brain
 
by Belladonna
 
~Chapter 7~
Where no V.A.M.P. has gone before
 
“I am seeing it and I still don’t believe it!”
 
Buffy was sitting down on the sofa, hard. She gaped at the small television screen in front of her and the vampire on it. Well, rather in it at that moment, but who cared. It had been Xander who had spoken and that way temporarily lost his previous intention of hitting Spike for the stunt he obviously had pulled to get Buffy into performing in that stupid music video.
 
“Well, better start believing it, for I can’t bloody change it without your help!” Spike spat from the screen. He hated having to ask them for help and he wouldn’t have done it if it hadn’t been the only way. But he still would die first before begging to them.
 
“W-what do you expect us to do, Spike?” Tara asked quietly from the other side of the room. She had been the only one not joining in the cursing tirade the others had thrown at the vampire.
 
“Change me back, what do you think?” Spike told her angrily, clearly not having adjusted fully to his new state of being. “I’ve been stuck here in the bloody telly for way too long now. Did you know that there’s a hundred channels out here and nothing good’s on?”
 
“Er, no.” Willow was confused. Buffy continued to stare at the screen, transfixed by these deep blue eyes looking back at her.
 
“And quit staring at me, Slayer, ‘m not a bloody zoo animal!”
 
“Huh? Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Buffy looked up to him, then shrugged the insecurities off and smiled brightly and lovingly at him. “Well, come to think of it…”
 
“Stop this instantly!” Xander yelled. Having seen the video on the screen hadn’t been enough torture for him, one which he still didn’t know that it wasn’t real, no he now was forced to watch them bickering in real this time and looking too cuddly for his comfort by doing it. And added to this, he still was mentally scarred once again from that scene in the Bronze earlier. Besides as long as Spike stayed on the screen, and Xander had absolutely no clue as to how he had gotten there in the first place, he couldn’t hurt the vampire for that video. If that really was Spike there and not some phony trick of the Nerds that was.
 
“How can we be sure that this is really Spike there?” He asked instead. “I mean with the Nerds and their electric toys this could be another trick of them…”
 
“Bleedin’ idiot!” Spike snarled. “They put me in here so undo it and get me the hell out!!”
 
“They did what?”
 
“Putting me in here, or did you think I’d just jumped into the telly to have me a good time?” Spike said sarcastically.
 
“Yeah, I got that. But how?” Buffy asked the vampire. Was he still a vampire anymore, there in 3D on the screen?
 
“What do I look like, the king of nerds?” Spike told her angrily. “I’m a vampire, not a computer specialist. Would I really be still here if I knew how they did it? I’d be out of here in a second, which is why I need you to find that out for me. Now will you go and get me out of here?!”
 
“Uh, of course. But I still do have there some things I need to find out.” Willow turned herself towards the trapped vampire. Since computers and all that technical stuff were her department after all, she would be the one who needed to come up with something useful. And since she didn’t want to use any magicks anymore…
 
“This isn’t something magickal, is it?” She asked Spike who tentatively shook his head.
 
“I’m a vampire, not a magician, pet. How am I to know?”
 
The Spike on the screen then rolled with his eyes, clearly impatient. Why were they still there gaping at him and not over their books or whatever research they needed to figure out how to make him leave the screen and rejoin his body? Come to think of that body…
 
“By the way, you wouldn’t happen to know what has happened to my body now, would you? Last time I saw me, I was sitting in my crypt and watching the telly.” Spike wanted to know, dreading the answer already.
 
“Actually, that’s a funny story…” Xander began but got cut off by Buffy.
 
“Believe me, you don’t want to know.”
 
“What?!” Didn’t she know that this phrase wasn’t exactly helping in easing the curiosity but instead increasing it? “What has happened?! It’s not dust, is it?”
 
“Of course not and nothing has happened, really. Only that we saw you at the Bronze earlier tonight and… “Buffy stalled but then remembered something else. “What the hell was that video anyway?!”
 
“I was only trying to find a way to communicate with you…” Spike returned, ignoring the other’s fazed looks of disbelief at his use of vocabulary. “I was where?!”
 
“At the Bronze.” Dawn pouted. “Where you apparently have forgotten that you wanted to help me with my homework.”
 
“I wasn’t near the bloody Bronze tonight!” Spike shouted. “I was stuck inside the television screen trying to get out! Did I mention already that there wasn’t anything good on, too?”
 
“Well, we saw you and the whole bunch of drooling girls there too.” Anya said, smiling brightly. “Could you teach Xander to dance like you did? I want to impress the guests at our wedding with him.”
 
“Huh?”
 
“Which reminds me, how did you get Buffy to participate in that video? I mean that was really good and I kinda wanted to do something similar for our wedding party.” Anya continued unimpressed by Spike’s rather blank and disbelieving look on his face. Buffy’s face had rather turned really, really red although she’d wanted to find that out too. Since it certainly had not been her in that video, right? - Because she definitely couldn’t recall any memory of taping that with Spike. Not that she wouldn’t have minded doing it.
 
“Uh, you saw that?” Spike asked sheepishly; if he still had been able to blush, he probably might have turned redder than Buffy. If that also would have been possible, that was.
 
“Yes, we saw that. “Xander told him. “And don’t think that being in the television does save you from me hurting you seriously for that. The good thing is, at least nobody else saw that.”
 
***
 
“I’m gonna kill him. I’m gonna take him down for good now.” Angel rambled, while he was running a hole into the carpet. “How dare he touch what’s mine?!”
 
“Please Angel, be reasonable.” Wesley said to the enraged vampire who was pacing inside the lobby of the Hyperion. The former Watcher followed him with his eyes out of fear of him breaking something valuable while he still was that furious. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done that before. Also he was slowly but steadily getting kinda sea sick because of it.
 
The others only watched Angel’s frantic raving with growing fascination. With the exception of Cordelia of course, they all had not the slightest idea as to why the vampire was that mad at all, her having been there during the whole destined-to-be-doomed relationship he’d had with Buffy, the girl in the video.
 
“Wesley’s right, Angel.” Cordelia joined in trying to be the voice of reason, though she was also a little mad. How come Buffy was fighting evil demons all the time and still looking like she’d walked right out of a beauty commercial? “I mean, what good does it do to rush right into Sunnydale and beat the living crap out of Spike? Not that you wouldn’t love to do that.”
 
“I don’t know. “Angel replied, having a really diabolical gleam in his eyes when he turned back towards them. “But I sure will feel a lot better afterwards.”
 
***
 
“Warren, you are awesome.” Andrew started again to continue his open admiration for the other. Warren, of course never tired of hearing it. He led the vampire into the back of the room once they had returned home to stash him there until they would need him again.
 
“Of course I am, moron.” Warren replied, grinning victoriously. He had managed to get to the Slayer, to deal out a first blow and she hadn’t been able to fight against it. Life was damn good these days, he thought to himself.
 
And he was king of the world now.
 
Well, granted it was a fairly small world and so far his kingdom consisted only of the basement of his house, but who was he to bad-mouth it as long as he had it?
 
Anyway, back to the scenery. Tonight he had accomplished something they’d dreamed of and Warren continued to bathe in their awed stares. He put a blanket over the vampire, just in case someone would come down here or should there be a single ray of light coming down into the ever dark lair of The Super Villains and destroy their new and ultimate weapon against the Slayer. Which of course would never happen unless Hell froze over first, but hey since they were in Sunnydale it didn’t hurt to be sure now did it?
 
“We did it! We did it, Warren.” Jonathan exclaimed with that a bright smile that Warren now was grateful for the blanket over the vampire. “So, what are we gonna do next, hm? And what are we gonna do with him?” He pointed over to where Spike’s body stood, leaned against the wall.
 
“Oh, yeah, Warren!” Andrew was bouncing around like a hyperactive gummy ball so that Warren feared he might hit something valuable of his technical equipment. “I mean, we do have still plans with him? This hasn’t been it, has it? ‘cause that would be soo lame.”
 
“We have still plans with him, I am not giving him up yet.” Warren told him, mentally adding some more colourful idioms for moron for that boy. “You think that was it?”
 
“Of course not!” Andrew had at least the decency to look ashamed at this. How could he have questioned their glorious leader? “But I mean, I thought…”
 
“That is our problem. We shouldn’t be thinking but instead more doing.” Warren said, sitting down in his chair like it would be the throne in his small kingdom. He smiled generously towards them before he continued. “And now that we have the perfect tool in our hands, there is nothing that we haven’t thought of that we can’t do now.”
 
“Well, come to think of it…”
 
“Shut up. Where was I, ah yes, the plan.” Warren growled, couldn’t this moron finally learn it that he shouldn’t interrupt him? “Now that we have Spike, we can take the Slayer down. And, we’ve proved it to her that we are capable of doing so just well.”
 
“I don’t want to interrupt your great plan, Warren, but she didn’t know that it was us remote controlling Spike.” Jonathan added, ducking again from the wrath of Warren.
 
“She didn’t, but she will know. I just want to have some fun with him first.”
 
“Eww!!!”

”WHAT?! Are you completely nuts?” Warren stood up and smacked both Andrew and Jonathan hard over their heads. They didn’t really think what he thought they’d had, did they? “I meant to use him in the next phase of the plan!”
 
“Ah!” The relief that washed over the other boys’ faces was almost visible then and Warren rolled his eyes, disbelievingly. “So, what’s next, oh great one.”
 
“You’d better get used to calling me that, for what’s next is greater than all we thought of before.” Warren said in a mysterious voice. “First we had him get the Slayer embarrassed in front of her whole friends, and the whole Bronze as well, but that doesn’t count; and now we shift over to Phase Two.”
 
“I hope you have that more thought through than the Phase Two from Trek was, since it never made it to the screen at all.” Andrew wanted to know, giving more proof to him being the thoroughly geek he was. Warren rolled his eyes again. He felt a small headache begin building inside his skull.
 
“That’s all great Warren and all that, but what is Phase Two?” Jonathan added, getting impatient now. Also he wanted to watch his taped Trek marathon sometime tonight. He motioned once more towards the blanket covered vampire. “And more important, what are we going to do with him this time?”
 
 “Now, my fellow Super Villains, we’re gonna make him talk.” Warren said, using this diabolical fiendish voice again.
 
***
 
“Okay, all we know is that Spike somehow got zapped into the television and is trapped there.” Xander summed up for those who hadn’t understood already the dilemma of the vampire. Which of course had only been him and the fool proof evidence of it was still glaring back at him from said television screen.
 
“Yeah, right, skip that. What we really want to know is how I can get out of here.” Spike said sarcastically, throwing a dirty look towards the boy.
 
“I don’t know about you, Buffy, but do we really want that?” Xander ignored him and spoke to Buffy instead. Spike muttered some curses under his non-existent breath.
 
“Of course we want that!” Dawn spat angrily and made every attempt to hit Xander wouldn’t she have been held back by her sister and Willow. “I want my Spike back!”
 
“We all want him back, Dawnie.” Willow calmed the teen down, sending a sour look towards Xander who still was oblivious to the obvious mistake he had made.
 
“Yeah, nibblet. Don’t worry about old Spike here.” Spike addressed the kid. He smiled reassuringly and looked directly at her. “Why don’t you go upstairs and get some sleep, you need to go to school tomorrow. Everything’ll be okay.”
 
“You promise?” Dawn glanced hopefully towards him. She didn’t want to think of the possibility of Spike remaining trapped in the television, something the others obviously hadn’t thought of. And that made her mad, but she also didn’t want to scare Spike. How utterly stupid that sounded, her being able to scare the Big Bad himself.
 
“I do, sweet bit. Goodnight.” Spike would’ve given his right arm right now to take the teen in his arms and assure her that he would be alright and that there would be nothing to be afraid of and he’d given a damn about the audience right now but in his current condition he couldn’t even give that small comfort to her. Spike knew that she’d probably be the only one of the whole lot that was truly affected by this and scared to loose him, well maybe Buffy too, but of that he wasn’t so sure. And to be honest, Spike was scared already. If they didn’t find a way to help him, he’d have to turn to the Nerds for help, something they’d surely give him. And what if they didn’t know of any way to reverse this? Spike shook his head, that were just too many if’s already. He took a quick glance towards where Dawn had left, to make sure that she was gone then he spoke again to the Scoobies.
 
“Alright, the kid’s gone. Now you lot can go back to being honest.” He told them bluntly and the downcast glances of all of them told him enough, in fact more that he’d wanted to hear. “You have absolutely no idea what has happened or how to reverse it, right?”
 
“Well…”
 
“Save your breath, it isn’t worth it.” Spike said miserably, shrinking visibly inside the television screen. Tara, who stood next to him now, gently patted the plastic cover of the screen.
 
“We will find a way to help you, we’ll have you out there in no time.” She told him and nodded enthusiastically to it. Spike looked up to her, a hopeful glimmer in his eyes.
 
“You do?”
 
“Well, first we’ll have to find out how exactly you got in there, but then it’ll be no problem at all.” She explained, looking towards the others for help and assurance.
 
“Yes, and you will be good as new, unless you get some damage from one of these daytime reality shows which are really boring anyways.” Anya added, smiling brightly. All of them, including the Spike on the screen rolled with their eyes at that.
 
“Shouldn’t you be long gone off for research anyways?” Spike whined after a moment of silence.
 
“We should, which brings me to another question, why should we do that again?” Xander smiled evilly, knowing well that it would make the trapped vampire angry. But damn, he just couldn’t resist that opportunity and if he couldn’t hurt him severely for that earlier stunt with the video he at least could do his best to get on the vampire’s nerves.
 
“Because Dawn would be really mad at you?” Spike shot back, getting impatient and not only with that boy.
 
“Yeah, I wonder why that is.” Xander said thoughtfully. “I wonder why you keep being nice to her. I can’t believe that whole thing would be for getting into Buffy’s pants.”
 
“Been there, done that.” Spike spat back, tiring of the whelp’s constant mistrust against him. “I am nice to Dawn because she’s my friend and she doesn’t treat me like an idiot like you do when the others are around. Do they know about us being friends when none of them can see us? That we play pool together? And that you actually like my company?”
 
“I thought we’d leave that between us.” Xander stuttered nervously and at least had the good grace to look embarrassed. He also seemed to have just missed that first comment of Spike’s since he was not laying on the floor with a coronary. “Nobody should know about that.”
 
“Well, we do now.” Buffy told him, having found her voice back. “We will find a way to help you Spike, don’t worry. But if the Nerds really did that, why don’t we go to them and make them reverse it?”
 
“Good idea, pet. You’ll do that since you are best buddies with the three geeks and they’ll undo this out of the generousness of their hearts.” Spike made a face. “Hasn’t it occurred to you that they might be following some plan with that?”
 
“But it was only an idea…” Buffy began pouting and Spike already felt sorry for his rather harsh words.
 
“Guess that means more research or rather research in the first place. We will find a way without asking these idiots. Still, looking for them sounds good also.” Willow said, taking her girlfriend’s hand in hers. “Maybe we should ask Giles if he knows something.”
 
“Er, I’d hate to be the one telling you that, well, actually I don’t, but that isn’t the point. Isn’t Giles back in the motherland? Spike asked curiously.
 
“We’ll just have to phone him out of the bed.” Buffy told him, setting her jaw firmly and putting on her own resolve face. Spike would’ve instantly fallen in love again if he didn’t already love her more than his un-life that was. “I want my Spike back, too. And I just didn’t say that out loud.”
 
Yes, you did and I loved hearing it, Spike added mentally, holding back another response about the time difference and that it probably would be breakfast for the Watcher rather than late at night.
 
“Why are we still here then? Let’s go hit the books; I wanted to have sex with Xander sometime tonight.” Anya ushered them out of the house, still wearing that smile that almost went around her head.
 
***
 
Inside the Nerd’s Lair, the first tries of making Spike talk had been rather unsuccessful. Translation for that meaning that they hadn’t been able to make him talk at all. Not even a single word had come out of his mouth, despite every effort the three Nerds had put up. Needless to say that this had discouraged them extremely.
 
The object of their talking project stood in the middle of the room, wearing the same headset like before, the control interface only modified with some small speakers and microphones. He also had a rather blank look inside his eyes, deader and sunken and his skin seemed to be paler than before.
 
“This won’t work, Warren.” Andrew whined, all admiration from previously forgotten.
 
“It will work.” Warren insisted. These small-minded idiots; oh, how fast did they forget. And that small headache from earlier? Well, let’s just say that it had increased steadily from that point on. “We just have to try something different this time.”
 
“We’ve already tried thousands of different things.” Jonathan told him, looking impatiently at his wrist watch. The boy still hoped for a quick ending of this whole setting so that he could go to his video session he’d planned for the evening.
 
“Well, we’ll just have to try something else then.” Warren snapped angrily at him. “It cannot be that hard to make him talk. What about implanting a mike somewhere?”
 
“That’s neat, Warren. But we still need to have his voice to make it work, his original voice.” Jonathan said, poking his finger at the vamp. “Otherwise Buffy’ll never believe that it is him.”
 
“Yeah, especially not after the show we’ve seen inside the crypt or the Bronze. She didn’t even object to kissing him.” Andrew added, already displaying a dopey grin on his face at the memory.
 
“Which means that she must be doing that for a while now.” Warren thought out loud. “Something else to use in my great plan.”
 
“Er, our plan, Warren.”
 
“What? Ah, yes, right, our plan.” He put an extra emphasis on that stupid ‘our’. But hadn’t it been his plan, his very own plan and now it was theirs, too?
 
“Still, he’s as silent as the dead.” Warren continued to ramble. “So, how can we make him talk?”
 
Both Jonathan and Andrew chose not to remind their comrade of the fact that the vampire already was dead, therefore entitled to being silent as said dead ones. Suddenly Warren snapped with his fingers, a light bulb flashing above his head.
 
“I’ve got it!!”
 
“So, oh great one, what is that brilliant idea of yours?” Jonathan asked sarcastically. Warren chose to ignore that for the moment, but filing it away inside his mind for later punishment for that insolence.
 
“If we cannot make him talk, why bother.”
 
“Huh?! And why have we been trying to do exactly that for the past HOURS?”
 
“Why do we need this one to talk when we have one that talks perfectly already?” Warren asked them, smiling superiorly. “We just need to get him here, which shouldn’t be that difficult. Since he is supposed to be exactly where we have left him, inside the crypt’s television.”
 
***
 
“Alright, I quit.” Buffy closed the book with a loud thud, giving in to her frustrations. “We’ve looked in about every single book Giles has in the store and found nothing! There’s got to be something inside these lousy books that can help Spike or at least us figure out what has happened.”
 
“Actually they are my books now, the ones I have in my store.” Anya corrected absently while scanning several pages of the books in her pile.
 
“We should ask Giles, maybe he’ll know what to do.” Willow offered. She also had found nothing that would explain at least a bit what had happened. Spike’s explanation of the Nerds sudden appearance in his crypt had not been very helpful since he’d already been inside the television then and alas had not seen how they’d done it.
 
What left them where they’d started. With nothing.
 
Buffy went to get the telephone and dialled Giles’ number. It wasn’t long before he answered.
 
“WHOEVER THIS IS, I HOPE IT IS IMPORTANT!”
 
“Uh, Giles, hello to you too.” Buffy stuttered rather surprised. She hadn’t expected him to nearly wanting to strangle her through the telephone.
 
“Oh, Buffy, I erm, I am sorry, I didn’t know it was you.” Came the embarrassed reply through the speaker.
 
“So I’ve noticed.” Buffy replied, grinning to herself. “But there was a reason why I called that late…or is it early? I don’t know about the time difference and somebody should have reminded me of that and…”
 
“Buffy, is everything alright with Dawn?” Giles asked worriedly. He knew his Slayer and she never babbled like this unless there was something seriously wrong with those she loved.
 
“With Dawn? Yah, she’s alright, why do you ask that?” Buffy wanted to know. Why would Giles assume that something was wrong with Dawn? “She’s her annoying self as usual. But we have a problem with Spike and need your help with it…”
 
“SPIKE?! I’ll be on the next plane over to Sunnydale!” Giles’ voice rose at the thought of his Slayer and the impending danger coming from her nemesis. “Don’t say nothing, he’s got the chip out and now he’s threatening you all, trying to kill you and he’s already gone back to his old and villainous habits and….why are you laughing? Is that laughing I hear in the background??”
 
Buffy had sometime during his rant put the phone on the loud speakers and by now all of them were nearly laying on the floor, doubled over from laughter at that. Only for a short moment though, then the truth returned back to their minds and they laughed some more, remembering the scene at the Bronze and the poor unsuspecting Watcher’s comment about Spike going back to his threatening old habits.
 
“No laughter, Giles:” Buffy tried to compose herself but failing miserably at it. “There’s no laughing at all, we’re totally laugh-free here. But we have a problem with Spike…”

”You’ve said that already and I still think that there is laughter in the background, I can hear you giggling, you know?” Giles told her and Buffy could hear the strict teacher’s voice he used clearly.
 
“Sorry, Giles!” The chorus of the voices in the background told Giles everything he needed to know but he let it slip for the moment.
 
“But if it isn’t something life threatening…are you sure that he isn’t holding Dawn somewhere hostage, Buffy?”
 
“I’m positive of that, at least of the holding part that is.” Buffy told him cryptically. “But we still have that problem with Spike that I am still trying to explain to you. There are these three guys, you remember them I think? Anyway, these three morons are trying to best me or something, I really don’t know, but now they have gotten to Spike and zapped him.”
 
“Excuse me, but they did what?” Now Giles was confused. Not only that he had to keep up with these kids talking in that modern slang all the time which he still had no idea as to what half of it meant – not to mention the other half, but now Buffy was doing it again and he still considered himself no that old and dusty to not know these things.
 
“They zapped him and now he’s somehow gotten into my television. This is so mean.” Buffy explained pouting slightly and Xander added helpfully “In colour and with some seriously disturbing images.”
 
“Disturbing images? Buffy, I’m afraid I don’t understand. What the hell is going on there?” Giles completely had given in to confusion now
 
“What I’ve been trying to tell you and we are still doing our best to find out.” Buffy replied, clearly getting impatient now. Besides, she wanted to get to the point and her Spike back. “Do you know of any method or something that can help us getting Spike out of the television?”
 
“Out of nothing right now? Are you sure I shouldn’t come back to you, you sound like you would need my help?” Giles asked back, taking down his glasses and he tried to think of something. He really did. But then, why should they get Spike out of that machine?
 
In the back of his room the television screen flickered with a special celebrity newsflash about a new pop group that had instantly hit the number one position of the charts, a bootleg tape obviously since nobody apparently had fed it into the broadcast. But the reporter said something about all of the record companies claiming to have that new talent under contract already which meant that they actually were licking their fingers for having that talent under contract in the first place. And of course about the name there would be needed to be done a few changes; Spikey X sounded nice, but the Slayer? Besides, there would be also the small problem of copyright or something like that.
 
“I might have a book in mind.” Giles told her absently, something about that report had awakened his curiosity. “Something about demonic possession of household electrics, should work also with vampiric possession.”
 
“We’ve looked in every single book the Magic Box has and found nada.” Willow supplied over the speaker.
 
“Ah, Willow, I didn’t know that you were there also. I might have given that book to Wesley, for some research.” Giles said, his eyes still glued onto the television. “And if I’m not mistaken, he still has it. Maybe you should call him instead…screeeeeeeech…can you hear me clearly?”
 
“Giles?” Buffy asked, the screeching sound also audible at the Magic Box.
 
“Call Wesley…creak...has the book and…help you…can you hear me?” Giles’ voice was pretty scrambled by now because of the telephone.
 
“Thanks Giles, we’ll do that and I…I’ll call you back.” Buffy managed to tell before the connection was terminated by some outer force.
 
“Haven’t you paid your telephone bills, Anya or why isn’t it working anymore?” Buffy turned around to face the others, slamming the speaker onto the handle.
 
“I found out that I can save a lot of money by paying the telephone bills only bi-monthly.” Anya told her, smiling brightly. She was running a business after all and had to look out for making money and keeping lots of it at the end of the month for herself.
 
“But they will cut off the lines if you don’t pay, Ahn.” Xander explained, realization sinking in. “Which they already have now.”
 
“No, that is bad, how can I make money now without the phone line?” Anya was near hysterics in a second, the whole Spike problem forgotten as well as her not paying the bills. And it had been such a good idea in increasing her profits.
 
“Seems that you’re about to find out until you’ll pay those overdue bills.” Willow said looking at the shopkeeper. “Didn’t you get reminders from the phone company?”
 
“Yes, but I threw them away.” Anya stated innocently. “Since they only were threatening to cut the lines and haven’t done that…”
 
“Until now.” Buffy said, staring glumly at the now dead phone on the counter. “We’ll have to get back to my place to call Wesley for that book. Which gives me a good opportunity to check on Spike.”
 
***
 
Spike was bored to death. Technically, like that wasn’t already known, he was dead but still he could be bored to death, couldn’t he?  So, back to the point, he was bored and to top that, it was nothing good on the television – again. Actually there was one good thing on, but that was him and he couldn’t enjoy it in his present state, but he truly wanted to see himself again, to look once more at what had become of the man he used to be. And Buffy was gone with the others to find a way to help him, so there was nobody left he could talk to except Dawn. But the kid needed her sleep and she had to get up in the morning for school. Spike would’ve been a bad friend if he’d let her stay up and go sleepy there, missing her education and then not being able to go on a good college and… Spike stopped himself, he almost sounded like a mother now, a very concerned mother. And a life standing in a kitchen wearing an apron simply wasn’t something Spike could envision himself in.
 
“We’re back, Spike!” Buffy announced silently when she came into the living room, careful not to risk waking up Dawn upstairs.
 
“Been about bloody time now.” Spike growled, clearly annoyed about having been left alone for that long.
 
“We needed to come here to call Wesley for a book.” Buffy said, smiling reassuringly to the trapped on-screen-vampire. “By the way, Giles sends greetings.”
 
“No, he doesn’t.” Spike returned but was ignored by Buffy already having rushed to the phone to call the other Watcher. But all she got was the answering machine of Angel Investigations.
 
“Hm, they’re not there and have still that ridiculous message on the machine, but we’ll go anyways.” She stated resolutely. “They are probably just out for killing some nasty. And L.A. isn’t that far away, we can make it in no time. Xander, I need you to drive me.”
 
“Uh, Buffy, I am sorry, but I can’t do that.” Xander told her, being the only one to come back to the house with her. The others had stayed at the shop to figure out a way to help Spike in finding out where the three Nerds could be now.
 
“Why?! Is it because of Spike? You just don’t want to help me help him and that is so mean.” Buffy pouted again and Xander raised his hands alarmed.
 
“No, I didn’t mean it that way, I just can’t drive you to L.A. because I have no car; needed to be repaired.” Xander explained to her and Buffy calmed down visibly.
 
“But you can take Spike’s car.” She suggested which earned her an even more alarmed cry from Spike.
 
“NO WAY!! The whelp’s not taking my car!” Spike protested from the screen.
 
“And why not?” Xander smiled smugly, the prospect of being able to drive that classic was appealing to him.
 
“Because!” Spike said, still growling and trying to kill Xander with his deadly glare. “Nobody drives that car but me!”
 
“I couldn’t do it anyways.” Xander said, looking down and suddenly finding the floor really interesting before he mumbled the rest of the sentence. “I have to get up early to be on the site. The inspector’s coming for a visit and I have the responsibility tomorrow. I am sorry, Buff.”
 
“Well, then I’ll drive.” Buffy told them both. “I have my license now, you know?”
 
“NO!!!” Spike was near hysterics this time. He knew how Buffy drove and no matter how much he loved her, she would not be driving his car. Not in this lifetime.
 
“But I need to get that book, don’t you want to get out of the television?” She asked the vampire. Spike couldn’t deny that part, he wanted out of there more than anything right now. But still she wasn’t getting near to driving his car.
 
“I’ll drive.” He said after thinking about it.
 
“You’ll drive.” Xander repeated disbelievingly. “And just how exactly did you plan to do that, oh great one?”
 
“Like the first time. How do you think I got here from my crypt?”
 
That was something Xander actually had wondered about and how the car had gotten in front of the Summers’ house without Spike driving it. The last time he’d seen that house, the car had not been there.
 
“I’ll drive and Buffy’ll just pretend that she can actually drive.” Spike explained to them, still being clearly pissed at the thought of anyone touching his car, especially not Xander. “Which is something she could do perfectly. But I won’t let her drive my baby.”
 
Outside the black DeSoto awoke to life shortly after Spike had vanished from the screen. Buffy, after going out of the house, opened the door and made herself comfortable on the leather seats.
 
“Buckle up, luv.” Spike told her from out of the radio speakers. “We’re going to L.A.”
 
“You know, you’re a real vamp now.” Xander said, grinning evilly and hoped that Spike could somehow see him doing it.
 
“What do you mean? I am a real vampire!” Spike snapped, didn’t that whelp ever learn not to piss him off?
 
“No, I meant you’re a real V.A.M.P now. “Xander explained while still wearing that diabolical grin. “You’re a Vehicle now And must be Mightily Pissed-off about having Buffy finally in your car and not being able to do anything else. Man, that would kill me. Have fun.”
 
Buffy was sure that if Spike still had his fingers to use right now, an extremely rude gesture would be coming into Xander’s direction. But all she could do was blush a bright red at the implications Xander had made.
 
Spike left his parking space in front of the Summers’ house with screeching tires, his outlet of being really pissed off by Xander. Bit it didn’t matter, since he and Buffy were on their way to L.A., alone in the car and Spike felt that headache coming, announcing the unwanted realization that Xander might have been right.
 

Disclaimer and Notes: see Prologue
Spike’s brain
 
by Belladonna
 
~Chapter 8~
Spike in the fold
 
(music featured in this chapter is ‘Looking for freedom’ sung by David Hasselhoff, and ‘Oops, I did it again’ from Britney Spears, also partially ‘American Pie’, from Don McLean, lyrics are once again by me)
 
The same time Buffy and Spike had started their journey, a black convertible left its parking space in front of the Hyperion Hotel with equally screeching tires, leaving black marks on the pavement. Angel and his crew were on their way to Sunnydale. And the older vampire was not exactly pleased about the trip but more at the prospect of doing serious harm to his annoying grand-childe. The other occupants of the car were praying silently for arriving safely after numerous attempts of changing Angel’s mind about driving had been rather futile and fruitless. And not even out of the big city, their faces wore all the exact same pale and really, really frightened expression already. This was going to be a long trip, not taken into consideration that their chauffeur was flooring the gas pedal. But it sure would feel an eternity to them and they’d maybe kiss the floor just like the pope always did after their arrival in Sunnydale.
 
***
 
The trip had gone rather quiet for a while and Buffy was lost in her thoughts. She was looking out of the window, watching the scenery pass by as Spike raced through the night. At first she had wondered about how exactly he could drive the car while being stuck inside the electric systems, and that classic didn’t have much of them, but she thought it better not to think about it any longer. She hadn’t come up with any explanation for it. It also had made her head hurt, too.
 
“So, luv.” Spike’s voice sounded a bit strange coming through the speakers of his car radio. “Enjoying the ride, pet?”
 
“What? Ah, yes.” Buffy replied, yawning. “It is a nice ride, but I still don’t understand why you didn’t want to let me drive. I could do it.”
 
“Sure, pet. But I still feel safer if I am the one driving my car.” Spike explained, carefully avoiding the truth. “No matter what state I am currently in.”
 
“You’re in California, Spike.” Buffy supplied grinning but then she yawned again.
 
“Long night? Why don’t you sit back, relax and let me do the driving part.” Spike said gently, ignoring that last comment. “The part I am doing anyways. Take a nap and I’ll wake you up when we are in L.A.”
 
“Promise?” Buffy leaned back and made herself even more comfortable in her seat.
 
“Yeah, how else should I get that book from Wesley? Drive straight into the hotel lobby?” Spike chuckled at the thought of his Grandsire’s face at that image, but Buffy hadn’t even heard him. She’d already been fast asleep.
 
***
 
“Okay, what are we going to do next?” Anya asked the rest of the assembled Scoobies present at the Magic Box. Xander had gone with Buffy and then returned to them, but told them also about the site inspector and that he wouldn’t be able to stay up that long with them for the search. Anya of course had told him that it would be okay since he’d be loosing his job if he didn’t show up for that visit in an awake state and that’d be truly bad since then there’d be no one to buy her pretty and expensive gifts. The others had rolled with their eyes at that, including Xander who’d again repeated. “Nice to know you really love me, Ahn.”
 
“Since we’ve already looked for a way to help Spike get out of the television, I think we should be looking for the body to put him back into.” Willow suggested.
 
“You’re right, and maybe we should go look for the three geeks, too.” Tara added thoughtfully. “Someone has taken the body to the Bronze and let him vanish from there again and I think it had been them.”
 
“Good idea.” Willow admitted, not having thought so far herself. “So, if we find the Nerds, we’ll find Spike’s body. The question is only, where should we look for the three?” Something struck Willow when she looked at Xander again. “Why are you still here? Didn’t you drive Buffy to Angel?”
 
“In one word? Spike.” Xander replied. “He didn’t want to let me drive his car nor let Buffy near it without supervision so he drove her himself. Oh, and one good thing? We don’t need to find a way to get him out of the television anymore.”
 
***
 
On the other end of town, three guys had entered a crypt to just get what they needed and then the hell out of there again. Being in a crypt gave them the creeps, not that one of them ever would admit that openly in front of the others.
 
Everything was still exactly like they’d left it, except that the door had been put back up. The television was still off and the screen black. Warren stepped over to turn it back on. He’d put on a superior smile for the vampire to see and showing him that he’d better do anything Warren wanted him to do or else, but something was wrong.
 
There was no vampire visible on the screen.
 
“What the hell?”
 
“Where is he, Warren?” Andrew asked, fear shining inside his eyes. “What if he’s dead? You killed him!”
 
“I didn’t kill him, dummy.” Warren said without turning back to him. “He’s just gone.”
 
“That’s what they do when they are killed. Oh my god, you killed Spike!!” Jonathan joined Andrew’s concerns; but them something else struck him. “What if the Slayer found him and took him away?”
 
“He can’t be gone anywhere! The television is still here so he must be here, too.” Warren began to feel a little concerned also. He grabbed the remote from the table and pressed aimlessly any button that was on the damn thing. Maybe the vampire thought he was clever and hid somewhere on another channel. But he wouldn’t best Warren, not when he was that close to spreading out his kingdom from the basement to the rest of Sunnydale.
 
Both Jonathan and Andrew watched with growing fascination the spectacle that was there for free, the only thing missing was the popcorn and some soft drinks. They had never, and never truly meant never, seen their self-proclaimed leader in a state like this. Warren never had lost control before, he’d always been superior to them, at least he believed so for himself. But it was nice to watch though how he was starting to rave around the crypt, mumbling to himself that it couldn’t be happening; it simply couldn’t. Somewhere in the farthest corner of his mind, Warren was sure to hear Murphy laughing and he asked himself for like the thousandth time why nobody had strangled that guy before he’d postulated that stupid law of his.
 
“Alright, think…think…he’s not in the television, he’s not on the Discovery Channel or somewhere else boring so where could he have gone?” Warren went on, still oblivious of his grinning audience, the one who cautiously looked out that he wouldn’t see them doing it of course. “He couldn’t have gone out, so he has to be somewhere, but where could he have gone?”
 
“Now he’s lost it.” Jonathan whispered towards Andrew whose eyes were glued on their comrade, mesmerized by those frantic movements.
 
“But he couldn’t have gone out since he was stuck here in the television and there’s no way that he could have escaped.” Warren ran his fingers through his hair, gesturing wildly with the other hand which still held the in this case rather useless remote control. “Maybe he’s on Pay-TV? Nah, that couldn’t be, since he hasn’t Pay-TV here, or has he?”
 
“What if the Slayer really has found him, Warren?” Andrew piped up and Warren turned around towards them. Instantly the huge grins on both Andrews and Jonathans face disappeared to make place for the innocent and rather dorky expression they usually wore.
 
“She couldn’t have found him, the television was off.” Warren told him while throwing in a dirty look for good measure. Then he went back to resume his pacing. And ranting.
 
“See? Told you, he’s lost it." Jonathan repeated whispering and the grin had returned to his face. Andrew nodded in agreement.
 
“So, where can a vampire go, who should be trapped inside the television when he is not there?” Warren wondered aloud.
 
***
 
On the way to Los Angeles, a black DeSoto sped along the streets, pedal to the metal or something similar. Only that there wasn’t someone behind the wheel to floor that pedal but let’s forget about that insignificant part for a moment when you have a gorgeous girl sitting in your car, stretching gracefully like a cat and wriggling in your leather seats, maybe moaning your name while doing so.
 
Wait a minute, rewind that again; in your leather seats?
 
Yeah, right, the leather seats in your car, maybe.
 
Right again, the ones in your car, only that you currently are that car.
 
Spike sighed, wishing once more to have his body back and being able to enjoy this experience, namely Buffy finally having in his car and driving her somewhere romantic, him being in said body. Not that driving towards Los Angeles to get some old dusty book from that other watcher guy would ever be called romantic in the first place. But who was he to complain when he had her inside his car? Following the road and no longer trying to figure out how exactly he was able to drive that car, Spike began to hum slightly, not wanting to wake up the sleeping Slayer behind the steering wheel. Later though, that hum turned over into silent singing.
 
One dark night in London
Some hundred and twenty years ago
I was turned to be a mad girl’s childe
It changed everything I’ve expected for me
And love made this ride real wild.
 
Driving some happy snake lines, the black car continued its way towards the City of Angel…s.
 
I’ve been living a good unlife
I’ve been living it for so long
I’ve been living the good unlife
Never missing life until now
I’ve been living a good unlife
Since the night I was turned
I’ve been living the good unlife
And love has changed it again.
 
***
 
“Okay, guys.” Willow took over being the one in charge again. “Where do we look for the Nerds?”
 
“Don’t you mean where to look for Spike’s body?” Anya began instantly questioning her and Xander leaned back in his chair, waiting for the show to begin. Hopefully it didn’t cost him another broken arm like the last time. Tara sighed silently, and here she had so hoped, just like Xander, that they finally had sorted it out. Apparently they hadn’t.
 
“Of course, we need to look for the Spike’s body.” Willow told her impatiently. “But in order to do so, we need to look for the Nerds. We’ve also already discussed that part.”
 
“Wouldn’t we find them a lot faster if we’d looked for his body?” Anya asked again, ignoring the last part of the sentence and remaining blissfully unaware of the identical “Why us?” glances that both Xander and Tara had on their faces. Of course, she also was unaware of the fact that slowly but steadily Willow got mad at her.
 
“We’d find them a lot faster if you would stop questioning my authority, Anya.” Willow told her, taking a deep calming breath and glaring angrily in Anya’s direction.
 
“Alright, if you don’t want my input to this, fine!” Anya threw her hands up, clearly upset and sat down grumbling on her chair again. Xander knew that this wouldn’t be straightened out that easily, but then he suspected that Anya would at least no longer be worrying about going into hell or something similarly stupid.
 
“Why don’t we forget this all and deal with it like us grown-ups do. “ Xander suggested instead, hoping that now they wouldn’t act like children again. Of course he also knew that it was a rather futile attempt at not making them act like that any longer. “We need to get back on the track, clear heads and all that crap. Besides, I really want to do something before my leg begins to snore.” He added, rubbing his numb thigh.
 
“Okay, just don’t hit on me again, but I have a question.” Anya raised her hand tentatively. “Where do we start looking for the Nerds?”
 
“I don’t know…Why are you all looking at me?” Willow asked alarmed, feeling the stares of everyone else resting on her.
 
“Uh, nothing.”
 
“Good, ‘cause I have no idea where they might be. How should I know, I don’t know where Nerds go or how they act, it’s not like I’ve ever been one….forget that last part.” Willow said, looking sheepishly, but then got serious again. “I still have no clue.”
 
“I know one thing for sure, we’ll never find them sitting here around the table and doing plain nothing.” Xander stated. “So, do we go out and look or what?”
 
“Do you know where?”
 
“Nope, but I’m sure sooner or later these Nerds will cross our path, maybe they’ll return to the place of the crime and we’ll get them.” He said, grinning evilly at the prospect of getting through Spike’s things in order to find a hiding place to wait for the three geeks.
 
“You sure you are Xander? You don’t sound like him.” Willow stated, smiling towards him and not even thinking about the further ramifications of her rhetorical phrase. Anya of course misunderstood like always.
 
“Oh, that’s him, you should hear him talking when we are home and he dresses up for me like a detective and…”
 
“ANYA!”
 
***
 
“Warren, we should go.” Jonathan suggested after a while during which they still hadn’t found a single trace of the missing vampire in the television. “What if the Slayer comes here?”
 
“She won’t come here, what should she be doing in a vampire’s crypt, what would be here for her to come in the first place and why should she be coming back for it?” Warren rambled continuously on and on.
 
“Maybe the same thing that we were here for?” Andrew asked innocently and trying his best to suppress that huge grin on his face. He also really, really tried hard to suppress also the urge to tell Warren, their supposedly fearless leader that she actually had come here once, with them seeing her. “What about that thing anyways, I mean it is not here so why are we still?”
 
“We will not set a single foot out of this crypt without taking the vampire with us.” Warren stated. “We will find him and we will take him with us, is that clear?”
 
“Yes, Warren, but there is something you really should know about this…” Jonathan started to say, cocking his head to listen to some noise coming from the outside.
 
“I won’t repeat myself again; we are not going without the vampire. And I don’t want to hear anything else from you. So far you haven’t been that helpful.”
 
“Yes, but…”
 
“Stop that, this isn’t a democracy.” Warren snapped angrily. “I said that we won’t go without the vampire so we don’t go without the vampire.”
 
“We have already looked everywhere inside this crypt, even where he surely couldn’t be at all,” Jonathan told him, “and we’ve found nada. He is no longer here but the Slayer might be soon.”
 
“WHAT?”
 
“He’s right, Warren, somebody’s coming.” Andrew said also. “I can hear someone outside and somehow I think that if they are coming here for the same reason that we did, hiding in the shadows won’t work this time.”
 
“Why didn’t you tell me that sooner?”
 
***
 
I came to Sunnydale
Seeking action and some thrill
But what I found instead was her
With long blond shining hair
And eyes so full of love
That sadly wasn’t meant for me.
 
Buffy was sound asleep inside the DeSoto and extremely dead to the world. She didn’t even wake up from the sound of silent singing coming out of the speakers nor did she notice that they were speeding along the road with a much higher speed than was actually allowed. Her eyes were closed and she had leaned her head on the driver’s window, making herself as comfortable as possible. Some blond strands of hair had fallen into her face, the rest of her hair surrounding it like a goddess’ tiara and her full lips had curled into a slight smile, possible of dreaming about something beautiful. The light of the moon and the few lights at the side of the street danced across her face, drawing patterns of silver and pale colors. The car continued its way towards Los Angeles.
 
I couldn’t help it but to fall in love
Knowing well she’ll never love me back
And I harbour still the hope
That she can see the man I am
No longer the monster that I once was
 
 
There wasn’t much traffic on the streets this night, probably they were all at home or too scared to get in the way of another driver that made his way not like Buffy from Sunnydale towards Los Angeles but rather the other way around. Inside the passengers were cramped tight into the small space of the – oh wonder another black car, what was it anyway with vampires and their obsession with black cars? – convertible, that sped along the highway, mentally praying for their dear lives with a passion that was unknown for them. Also their faces were still in that pale colour that also was not even close to their natural one.
 
“Angel, would you please drive a bit slower?” Wesley asked hesitantly, not trusting himself to get his hand away from his mouth yet.
 
“Yeah, right man.” Gunn piped up from the backseat. “English here looks a bit green and so does Lorne.”
 
“He always looks green, that’s normal for him.” Angel returned, not bothering to slow down the smallest bit.
 
“I don’t look green.” Wesley protested weakly, bringing his hand hurriedly back over his mouth and swallowed heavily before taking another calming breath of the cool night air.

”He meant me, sweets and you’re probably right; it won’t look good on you anyway.” Lorne stated, looking at his hands. “But on me it looks fantabulous.”
 
“As long as you don’t give Wes any fashion advice on how to dress…” Cordelia began, a huge grin apparent on her face.
 
“What’s wrong with the way I dress?” Came the unison reply from both Lorne and Wesley, the latter who immediately regretted having spoken that rushed.
 
Cordelia had just wanted to try again convincing Angel of driving a bit more slowly, but then got interrupted by staring into the windows of the car that they had just passed. “Huh? Did you just see what I saw? That girl was sleeping while driving!”
 
“We should wake her up before she causes an accident.” Fred said concerned but as soon as the words were out of her mouth they all knew the futility of an attempt to make Angel turn the car around.
 
“I need to be in Sunnydale.” Angel told them, gritting his teeth. “Who cares about that girl, I need to hit Spike; a lot.”
 
“But isn’t that what we do? Helping the hopeless?” Fred asked again.
 
“Yup, and that girl sure looked like she was hopelessly getting off the highway in about as soon as she reaches the next curve.” Cordelia said. “The one we have barely made with you driving like the devil himself was behind us or behind the wheel, which probably is the fact. Anyways, we should at least call the police to tell them about this. You don’t want to have another innocent on your hands, right Angel?”
 
Grumbling, Angel threw his mobile phone towards her, while never taking his eyes off the road nor his foot from the gas pedal. Wesley once again had his hand pressed firmly over his mouth, swallowing heavily and gulping for air in between.
 
“And Angel, would you please drive a bit more slowly, before Wesley starts getting sick all over your seats…”
 
***
 
“Xander, are you sure you can find the Nerds inside Spike’s closet?” Willow asked her friend incredulously after watching him going through Spike’s clothing for a while. And that way they had even found out that they came in more colours than just plain black.
 
“What?” Xander jumped, not having noticed that he had drawn an audience. He sprung around, then realized that he still held some of Spike’s clothes in his hand and threw it hastily back into the closet, shutting the doors forcefully. “No, I just wanted to make sure that they didn’t hide in there and plan on jumping on us from behind, attacking us and…uh, did you find anything, Wills? Any clues that will lead us to the three geeks?”
 
“Aha, just wanted to make sure that they didn’t jump onto you from behind, right?” Willow snickered, looking really innocent while doing it and Anya and Tara were giggling behind his back. “No, I haven’t found anything yet. But then, I hadn’t had the really outstanding idea of looking inside a closet. You sure you weren’t looking for something else there or do you have any other suggestions, oh great Xander, master of all clues?”
 
“Ha, ha. Not funny, Willow.” Xander said, turning away from them to hide his embarrassment. “I just wanted to help and this is how they thank me.“ He mumbled to himself. Anya patted his shoulder.
 
“Don’t worry, honey.” She told him reassuringly. “If you want, I can hide in the closet when we come home and then jump on you from behind.”
 
“Anya!” Xander’s face turned an interesting shade of pink that moment.
 
“Anything to make you happy.” She smiled happily and went on to her task to look for any signs that would lead them either to where the Nerds were or where they had taken his body to or how they did that change in the first place. “Did you find anything you’d like me to wear later in Spike’s things?”
 
***
 
I once made a big mistake
By telling her how I felt
And she though that I was mad
I still fought by her side
Helping her where I could
To win her trust in me back
I’ll be with her now to the end of time
Protect her until my final death
Hoping that one day she
Sees me for what I am
And returns what I feel for her.
 
Cordelia didn’t have needed to call the police since it wasn’t long until a patrol car passed the black DeSoto and its sleeping passenger. They had been driving in the same direction that Angel’s convertible did, otherwise they probably wouldn’t have noticed the sleeping girl behind the wheel at all.
 
The two officers looked at each other, identical looks of disbelief on both their faces as they turned their car around and followed the DeSoto until they were at the same height, all the time honking in an attempt to wake the driver up. When that didn’t work, they switched over to the horn, but even the blaring sound of the siren was not able to rouse her from her deep sleep. And the driver was sure that it would have woken up the dead.
 
“Oh my god.” One of the police officers said. “She ain’t gonna make that curve we passed a mile behind.”
 
“Well, at least nobody could say we didn’t try.” His partner told him, shaking his head disbelievingly. They remained behind that car as it steered towards the curve, never slowing down.
 
To their real surprise the car followed its path through the curve perfectly.
 
Both their mouths fell open to this. They couldn’t believe it, that girl should have been dead unless…
 
“She must have woken up in time then.” The first officer said and the other agreed.
 
“She’s probably drunk. Let’s pull her over.”
 
The officer who drove the police car sped up a bit to bring the car next to the DeSoto so that his partner could give that girl a sign to pull over. When the partner looked inside the car he got a surprise he hadn’t quite expected.
 
The girl was still asleep, her face lying against the window and she had a rather content smile on her face.
 
The officer exchanged a rather incredulous look with his partner; then he opened his window and leaned out to knock on the car window and onto the roof of that other car.
 
Buffy slowly stirred, her peaceful dream interrupted by the sudden change in her environment. She had managed to ignore the singing Spike had started shortly after they’d left Sunnydale and then successfully shut out all the other noises, but the hitting sound onto the car window and the roof was just too much.
 
“What in the world?” She looked around her and then caught the police car next to her. “Oh, oh, what did I do?”
 
“Deny everything, pet.” Spike’s advice was not that helpful in clearing the situation for her.
 
He had been so engrossed in his singing that he hadn’t noticed the patrol car at all. Of course he wouldn’t have slowed down either, since he was evil and all that. Now he no longer had any other choice since he didn’t want to endanger Buffy. And Spike also was sure that it would be painful to get shot even being the car as it was being a vampire. He pulled the car over and stopped.
 
Behind him the police car had stopped also. Buffy was just slowly digesting the fact that both officers moved towards the DeSoto, each having one hand on his gun.
 
“Okay, out.” One of them demanded. Buffy still sat there in the car, staring at the radio.
 
“One bit of advice, pet; deafness is always a good approach when you’re dealing with those that serve and protect.” Spike told her, not seeing the deadly glare that Buffy shot at him, or where she thought he was at the moment. Since she wasn’t sure about that, the radio was a good substitute for that.
 
“Shut up, Spike.” She was angry. First she got woken up from the probably best dream she’d had for a long time and then the annoying bleached blond who currently was rather black and dusty on the hood was mocking her. “You’ve been driving way too fast or maybe weaving through the road or something.”
 
“How did you know that? Er, no! Of course not, I was always within the speed limits.” Spike told her, not mentioning that this might not have been the speed limit that was the current one for this particular highway. “You couldn’t have driven better. Uh, never mind but maybe you’d also pretend having a slight kink in your neck, since you were sleeping with your head against the window.” It sure did look cute and I couldn’t see it, Spike silently added for himself and started to pout. Could cars even pout?
 
“Way great!” Buffy said sarcastically. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”
 
“Because I promised not to wake you up before we got to Angel’s.” Spike answered sullenly, still pouting although nobody could see the pouting part. “And we are not there yet, are we?”
 
“Who is she talking to?” The first officer wondered as they watched her talking to apparently nobody.
 
“Nobody.” His partner mused. “Probably a hard core alky or something.”
 
He apparently didn’t know her track record with alcoholic beverages of any kind. Make that her bad track record.
 
“Hey, haven’t you heard me?” The first one tried again addressing the girl in the car. “Either you’ll be out here in a second or you’ll be spending the night in jail.”
 
“Okay, Spike. It is worth a try.” Buffy said to herself, then she looked up towards the two police officers and moved her lips while gesturing to her ears to signal them her faked deafness. Then she rolled down her window.
 
“Alright, that’s better now you’ll get the balloon…” The police officer addressed his partner, then turned his attention towards Buffy. “And you, Miss…oh my god…you’re the Slayer!”
 
“I….huh?” Buffy was taken aback. How could that guy know about her, unless….But her Slayer senses told her that this was neither a vampire nor any other kind of supernatural being. Just a normal police officer who just knew about what she was. “I am not the Slayer.”
 
“Oh my god, you’re right.” The partner had just returned and now also recognized the girl in the car. “You’re the Slayer.”
 
“What, do I have a flashing neon sign on my head that says ‘Hello, I am the Slayer’?” Buffy wondered aloud, feeling strangely remembered of her first days in Sunnydale when everybody seemed to know about her. Then she continued denying it, while forgetting about the pretended deafness and anything else. “I am not the Slayer, I don’t even know what’s a Slayer and why do you keep asking me that?”
 
“But she is it.” The officer in front of her tipped his partner on the shoulder and pointed then towards her. “I know her from the television.”
 
“Yeah, right. Uh, Miss, why don’t you just continue your way, we don’t want to hold such a celebrity any longer than necessary.” He said then pushed his notepad rather sheepishly into her face. “But if you would…erm…just sign right here? And could you write for Kyle?”
 
Buffy was taken aback by this really weird display of behaviour but she took the notepad and scribbled her name underneath it before she gave it back. “Okay, can I go now?”
 
“Ah, yes, of course, just go, no problem, hard feelings and so.” The officer stammered and Buffy turned her head towards the radio, shaking her head before the car once more awoke to life and drove away.
 
“Man, that was the Slayer, have you seen that?” The officer named Kyle turned around, clutching the notepad like it was his most priced possession. “That was the Slayer and I got her autograph. Wait until I tell that back home, my kids will flip.”
 
Some miles away, Buffy still shook her head, not quite wanting to believe what had just happened.
 
“What was that all about? And wait a minute, how can they know me from television?”
 
I’ve been living a good unlife
I’ve been living it for so long
I’ve been living the good unlife
Never missing life until now
I’ve been living a good unlife
Since the night I was turned
I’ve been living the good unlife
And love has changed it again.
 
***
 
“They are not here.” Willow stated after they had turned the crypt upside down.
 
“That’s obvious. “ Xander said then corrected himself hastily when he felt Willow glare at him. “Uh, I meant since we haven’t found them.”
 
“And we haven’t found a single clue as to where Spike might have gone. Only some stupid funny looking sword collection in the basement among other things at the wall with strange glyphs on them. But nothing magickal, I’d have recognized it otherwise.” Anya said, plopping herself back into the television chair.
 
“We know where Spike has gone.” Willow told her. “That was not why we were here, also not to go through Spike’s things.” At that she pointed a really dagger-throwing glare towards Xander.
 
“I know, but I meant Spike’s body.” Anya explained. “We haven’t found a single clue where that body of his might have gone.”
 
“Yeah, right, that’s why we were looking for clues that might tell us where the Nerds have taken him or how they switched his mind into the television.”
 
“But I thought he was now a car?” Anya was confused.
 
“No, what she meant was how they made that change at all.” Tara tried to explain and maintain the once more really fragile peace between the two girls. “But what if they have already been here and cleaned up all the proof?”
 
“We’re talking about the Nerds, right?” Xander only looked towards her. “These three wouldn’t even find the proof they’d left even if it bit them in their butts.”
 
They all giggled at that thought, but went serious again.
 
“I hope that this book will help Spike.” Tara said silently. She really liked Spike, but then she had to admit that she only knew him the way he was after he had been chipped and started reluctantly helping the gang.
 
“I hope so, too, since all we have come up with to help him or find an explanation on how this was possible and how to revert it is nothing.” Willow walked up towards her girlfriend. “I don’t want to think about what might happen if we can’t help him at all.”
 
“The Nerds know how to change him back, right?” Xander asked and tried to conceal the worry in his voice.
 
“I don’t know, but since they did it in the first place they should be able to return the process.” Willow said honestly. “But if not…”
 
Xander knew she had left that sentence dangling; knowing well that nobody wanted to hear what followed these three words. Even though nobody really liked Spike, despite everything he had done for them in the past year and the knowledge that he had fought at their side; well admittedly he had tried to kill them also, but that was in the past; and he had continued to watch over Dawn even though he didn’t have to stay after Buffy’s death, it somehow bothered Xander.
 
He had become friends with the vampire, no matter how hard he had fought against it or pretended that it hadn’t happened, if he was honest to himself, he had grown fond of Spike and to a certain degree envied him a bit for his unbroken loyalty towards those dear to his heart. And admitting this to himself once more, Xander found that it bothered him now even more to loose Spike’s friendship, shouldn’t they find a way to give him his body back.
 
He also knew that even though he was really needed at the working site in the morning, he would not be able to sleep that well until that issue was resolved.
 
***
 
“That was really close, man.” Andrew said once they got out of the sewer tunnels at the outer entrance of the cemetery. “They almost got us.”
 
“But they didn’t, so relax.” Warren had returned to his former arrogant and superior self. If your plan gets crossed by idiocy, dust yourself off and try something different this time. “Now, we don’t have the vampire to get the voice working, then we’ll just give him one of our own.”
 
“And that will work?” Jonathan wasn’t so sure about it but hey, if Warren believed it, it couldn’t hurt to try.
 
“Of course it will work. It is a great plan and it is my plan and therefore it has to work, period.” Warred shot daggers at them.

”Geez, calm down. I only wanted to know what we are going to do next.” Jonathan raised his hands defensively. “And if it takes long, since there is that Star Trek Marathon still waiting for me.”
 
“Ooh, that is the one on the Sci-Fi-Special Channel?” Andrew bounced in joy. “Where they are showing all of the Borg episodes and the make-up special for it and the new show? Man, Seven of Nine is so hot.”
 
“Can we go back to the point? Hello, still silent vampire in need of a voice in our basement and us trying to defeat the Slayer with it?” Warren brought them back down from their Trek-induced high. Besides, who cared about the new shows, granted the special effects were far better, but then the original series, the Classics had something different about them, something truly classic. Plus the girls then wore much shorter skirts.
 
“Okay, we’ll give him a microphone and scramble the voice a bit, and then? What will we do then, Warren?” Andrew wanted to know.
 
“Then, we’ll be doing the same thing we do every night. We are trying to take over Sunnydale.”
 
***
My, my, this evil vampire guy
Has this chip inside his head, can’t even hurt a small fly
Loves the Slayer, fighting at her side
Proving her that he can be a good guy…
 
“Are we there yet?”
 
“Why do you keep asking that, pet?” Spike sounded irritated. Not that she had asked just the same question barely a minute ago, but she also insisted on trying to figure out why these normal human guys knew her.
 
“Because I wanted to know if we were there yet.” Buffy repeated, drumming with her fingers on the steering wheel.
 
“Any other particular reason?” Spike again, anything was good enough to not make her talk about that other topic again. “Don’t you like my on-board entertainment program?”
 
“If you’d stopped singing we could talk again about that.” Buffy replied sweetly.
 
“I’m wounded, pet, really.” Spike told her. “If I still had hands to put them over my heart I’d do that right now. Don’t you like my singing?”
 
“Yes, sure, but…you know it is….” Buffy stalled then saw something that was her rescue. “Ooh, looky here, we’re in L.A. Now we only have to find that hotel, get the book and back to Sunnydale to make you switch back into your body.”
 
“Saved by the bell, eh pet? Or rather by the gigantic ‘Welcome to Los Angeles’ sign over there.”
 
A short time later they had accomplished finding the Hyperion Hotel, too. Spike drove himself right to the front entrance and stopped before it. Buffy stepped out of the car, fingering for the note on which she had scribbled the name of the book and turned around.
 
“I’ll be right back, Spike.” She gently patted the roof of the car. “Don’t go anywhere.”
 
Buffy nearly ran up the steps towards the entrance and then came to a halt. She tried to open the doors, but they were closed. Only a note was taped against the door.
 
‘Gone for a work outing. Please come back again soon, because we still help the hopeless. Just not tonight.
P.S. If you plan on looking for us in the Caritas, don’t bother, we’re not there either, so no use in destroying my place again.’
 
Hm, Buffy thought to herself. Where could they have gone and why would they leave such a strange message? And where would a group that fought demons on a regular basis go for a work outing anyway?
 
But she had come here for a reason and she didn’t drive here just to go back without that book. Okay, she admitted, she wasn’t the one who had driven the car, but that wasn’t the point. Besides, she would have very well been able to drive on her own if only they had let her.
 
She turned the doorknob with a bit more force and the lock broke. She opened the huge doors and stepped inside. Buffy instantly was overwhelmed with the sight of the interior and she walked around the main hall while staring around like someone visiting a museum. She had to admit that whoever had decorated the hall and was responsible for the interior design had done a terrific job with it, therefore it couldn’t have been Angel. Buffy grinned at that, must have been Spike’s influence. Then she remembered the reason for her visit and went looking for that book. Like expected she found it in Wesley’s office, he still was that a neat freak like he had been during his short period of being her Watcher.
 
On her way out Buffy thought that she should leave a note to explain that she had taken the book with her, in case Wesley was missing it. But she found a second note, just like the one outside the door standing on the desk in the middle of the entrance hall, where potential customers would go first.
 
‘In case you haven’t read the note at the door or it has been thrown away by some moron, we are still not here but gone to Sunnydale for a few days. It is no use to look for us here since we are not.
Oh, and P.S again: We are still not at Caritas, so don’t bother tearing down what few is left of my place.’
 
Buffy could almost see the pissed face of whoever owned that place named Caritas when he had written these few lines and she could see the face of whoever had written the original message, when he or she had realized that this other person had scribbled down his own thing underneath it. She decided that since they were in Sunnydale, she would tell Wesley personally that she had the book; it was predictable that they would cross paths there. She just wasn’t so sure what to tell Angel about the whole Spike affair or about her affair with Spike.
 
So, they made their way back to Sunnydale, with Buffy being forced to sit through another singing torture from her personal chauffeur. He wouldn’t even let himself silenced by turning off the radio – he would turn it back on – and the only other method was kind of useless until Spike got his body and with it his lips back that she then could seal with hers.
 
Oh no, they did it again
They made her believe, she’d survive last season
Oh what
A fool she had been
For her to believe they’d have new ideas
‘cause like every season
they come up with all that old stuff
Oh, not again!
 
***
 
Once the black convertible had passed the ‘Welcome to Sunnydale’ sign, and wonders, it stood upright for once, several of the occupants sighed in relief. They finally had made it and they were still alive to tell the tale.
 
“We are here, Angel.” Cordelia told their driver, while looking around. It hadn’t changed much since she had left. It still was the good old place she had never wanted to go back to. “You can drive more slowly now, we are within city limits, you know?”
 
“I know, but I want to find Spike as fast as possible.”
 
“So that you can ask him why he was on television?” Fred wondered, still not having understood the reason why Angel was so mad at that guy.
 
“No, that I can hit him lots of times because he was there with Buffy, kissing.” Angel’s eyes flashed yellow for a short time and that mad grin on his face was back again.
 
***
 
Oops!!...They did it again
And all for the show, she’s died now again
Oh, no! No way, no!
What? You thought she was that dumb? That she’d lay down and stay dead?
That sure was not in her contract!
 
Buffy was so happy when she saw the ‘Welcome to Sunnydale’ sign ahead of her, it meant that her torture was soon to be over. In her mind she was already planning a fitting revenge on Spike once he was back inside his body. Horrified she watched as the car increased speed and ran right over the sign, wood splintering underneath the tires.
 
“Why did you do that?” She asked, looking back at the poor mutilated sign.
 
“It’s tradition, luv.” Spike explained her. “You see, every time I come back to Sunnydale, I run over this sign and then step out of the car in this sexy manly fashion doing my thing.”
 
“Uhu.” Buffy rolled with her eyes.
 
“I do, well the sexy manly stepping out of the car thing not always.” Spike admitted, remembering that one time when he had fallen out of the car in a still sexy manly fashion way, but of course he had been very drunk at that time. “But the running over the sign thing every time. Besides, why would they put it back up all the time if they were tired of people running it over? It is just too tempting.”
 
Buffy could see the smirk on Spike’s face as he continued to drive, and of course much to her dismay, to sing.
 
You see the problem is this
I cannot think back
Ever seen her sign up for this
she fights, then we’re shagging all night
Can’t you guys see she’s just doing her job here?
But then make her die again
This is what, the second time now?
No way, no!
 
***
 
They finally stopped in front of the Summer’s house and Buffy could already see the pink tinge of the coming morning creeping over the horizon.
 
“Uh, Spike?” She asked the vampire/car. “I don’t know about you now, but the morning is coming and where do you go then?”
 
“I thought I’d stay over at your place, make myself comfortable.” Spike told her, the grin audible in his voice. “Put my feet on your sofa table and let my good Victorian manners go waste with daily soaps and all that crap on the telly during the day.”
 
“You don’t have good manners, Spike, so no worries about that.” Buffy said, taking the book with her and stepping out of the car. “Oh, we have visitors.” She remarked at the sight of the black convertible in her entrance way.
 
Buffy walked towards the door and was about to open it, when it was opened from the inside and Willow peered outside.
 
“Oh, Buffy, you’re home again.” She said as greeting. “Did you find the book?”
 
“Yes I got it right here.” Buffy tapped the book under her arm. “Now we only have to find out which spell to use for Spike and …oh oh…”
 
“Ah, Buffy, I am not sure if you’ve noticed already, but we’ve got some visitors.” Willow told her and stepped aside to make place for one particular visitor.
 
“Hello Buffy.” Angel greeted her politely when the open door revealed him standing in the hallway.
 
***
Outside, the DeSoto pulled back to get a better parking space for the day; its invisible driver still singing while he got himself a good look at the scene between the front porch and the door. This time his voice alternated between a high girlish one and his good and patented parody of the grand poofter himself.
 
And action!
Angel, these latest rumours…There’s something I need to tell you.
Oh, no you didn’t. Please tell me you didn’t…
Yes, yes we did.
But I thought I had left you to give you a good and normal life with Captain Cardboard?
Well, Angel, I’ve rethought it and sent him into the wilderness…
Now, I need a good brood!
 
Oops!!...She’s done it again
And I got to see it this time; that’s better than telly
Oh, no! No way, no!
Oops!!... She’s done it again
Man, that was a show, and I’m loving this so,
Oh, no! No way, no!
What? You thought she was a fool? That she’d let that chance pass?
Blame it on my influence!!
 

Disclaimer and Notes: see Prologue
Spike’s brain
 
by Belladonna
 

~Chapter 9~
Amok Time
 
Silence had descended down over the house on Revello Drive 1680. Of course that was the silence that had followed a rather loud and not good for any not-nailed-down-really-tight-and-therefore-ready-to-be-thrown thing inside the house, discussion which will not be delved into any further.
The rest of both the Scoobies and the Fang Gang had soon realized to leave the field quietly and quickly and after their retreat towards the stairs they all had fled to the rest of the rooms on the second floor. It hadn’t been necessary to sit at the upper end of the stairs to be eavesdropping on the conversation Buffy and Angel had had before, most parts of it had been audible in excellent sound quality to the smallest corner of the house. Probably the neighbours had heard it as well.
 
Now there only was silence left in the living room with Buffy on one end of the couch and Angel sitting on the other one. After the initial first impulses of violence and anger had vanished, meaning that Angel was really, really mad at Buffy about that video appearance and her frantically denying everything because she had no idea what the hell he was talking about anyway, how the hell she had been in the video in the first place and how the hell he could know about it, they had ran out of words. That part probably was the best idea for them, since the discussion about it could become truly nasty and so Angel had decided to let the matter drop – for the moment – and concentrate about finding out how Spike had managed to get her in the video and find him to hurt him severely; that was the same video she on the other hand had no idea how she had participated in. But he didn’t believe that of course but since the light of the sun prevented him from looking for his severely irritating and obnoxious grand-childe to do some of the things he had thought of in the car, he could as well save some strength for that later.
 
When the others joined them later in the morning for breakfast, they still sat in the same places they had seen them when they’d left.
 
“Uh, hi Buffy.” Willow said shyly, hurrying past her into the kitchen to prepare some breakfast for all of them like she usually did. Now that they had some visitors, she had to do some more and hoped that the fridge was well enough stocked to accomplish that. Sensing the dark mood her friend was in, she quickly was followed by Tara and the new girl Fred. The young Texan girl was a sweet and shy one, reminded Willow a bit of herself before she had met Buffy. She liked her.
 
In the living room the Slayer and the vampire still sat there on the couch, and still not moving, mostly because none of them wanted to give in to the other.
 
“Ah, good morning Buffy, good morning Angel.” Wesley greeted them both after he had come down the stairs. Willow had told them what they knew so far and that the more manpower was more than welcomed in their search for Spike’s body and the same time for the Nerds. That didn’t mean that he had understood the reason for their concern about that other vampire’s welfare. “I see you have managed not to kill each other. Well, good because we still need to figure out how to help Spike, though I don’t see the point of doing it and why we can’t go back to our work in L.A.; where we are needed.”
 
“Me neither.” Cordelia joined in, remembering briefly her last encounter with the bleached vampire in L.A. Of course she also wasn’t quite sure whether it was such a great idea, that thing with Spike. Whatever that thing was, it definitely wasn’t what they had come here for.
 
“This isn’t open for discussion.” Buffy told them seriously. She was severely pissed at the attitude in the room. It hadn’t been that hard to convince the Scoobies to help Spike, since they all knew him and he actually had been there too for the convincing part. But then, Angel and the others weren’t exactly informed about what had happened for the past few months – come to think of it, the Scoobies didn’t know about everything from them either, but that was besides the point – and so they naturally had to be a bit prejudiced because of the whole helping Spike thing. Still, that didn’t mean that they had to be that hostile about it, Spike was a good guy after all, once you knew him better. Buffy smiled inwardly at that. She stood up from the couch and went slowly towards them, her eyes daring them to say something. “Spike has helped us more than once and he deserves to be helped by us when he’s in trouble. We find him, we help him. Plus, we can get rid of these idiotic morons who think to be my arch nemesis-es or whatever. End of discussion.”
 
With that she then stormed off upstairs to her room for a change, leaving her clearly stunned guests in the living room behind.
 
“What was that all about?” Cordelia wondered when she entered the kitchen to meet the others. The delicious scent of freshly made pancakes wavered through the room and reminded her of not even having had dinner the day before due to Angel going all hell-on-wheels on them.
 
“What was what?” Willow asked, flipping another pancake onto a plate. Tara and Fred were busy preparing the table for more guests at breakfast that the Summers household ever had had.
 
“That scene she made in the living room, what else? If you ask my opinion, I think Buffy’s gone insane.” Cordelia told her, sitting down on a chair. “But then, that would explain the video.”
 
“What video?” Willow was confused for a second, but then remembered. “Oh, that video. I don’t think that Buffy being insane would explain it, but wait a minute…Buffy is not crazy and hands off my pancakes!”
 
Willow slapped Cordy’s hands from her plate. Cordelia just smiled towards her.
 
“But she must be crazy, I mean she was there with Spike!! And did you see how good she looked? One would think that after all this all-night slaying she would have at least some blackness under her eyes, God knows I do after all the nightshifts I work for Angel..err, Wesley and not to mention all the visions, boy they can be a real pain…”
 
Both Willow and Tara tried to figure out what exactly Cordy was talking about, but gave it up soon and just pretended to listen to her. It wasn’t like Willow hadn’t practiced that a lot in High School and was still mightily good at it. That practice also had come in handy when she was around Anya of course.
 
“…I am so glad that this at least is over now, and I didn’t even get a tail or horns for it, ‘cause that wouldn’t look so good on me. I mean horns in someone’s face, how does that look for fashion?”
 
“Good morning Cordelia.” Lorne greeted her, having come down for breakfast and wearing a rather hideously coloured suit, the colour clashing horribly with both his green skin and the red horns on his forehead.
 
“Uh, not that horns are not good looking, I mean…”; she hastily corrected her mistake, and then proceeded to continue on with her ramblings about the unfairness of life in general.
 
“Ah, breakfast, what a lovely occasion for us all to come together and get some new strength after our near-death experience from last night.” The green demon took a plate from Fred, filled with pancakes and sat down on the table. “Have you looked after Connor yet?” He asked Cordelia in between two bites and her interrupting the monologue to breathe.
 
“Yes, and I am still really mad at Angel to drive that irresponsible with the baby in the car.” She scolded the not-present vampire.
 
After all of them finally had gotten together in the kitchen for breakfast, that was except Buffy who still was showering and Angel who still was sitting on the couch and doing what he did best – brood, something still was puzzling Willow and that wasn’t the baby part, which she had already seen when they had arrived yet also still didn’t quite get.
 
“Why would you get horns, Cordy?”
 
***
 
Spike was still in the car outside, marvelling at the light of the day and the fact that he didn’t burst into flames; wouldn’t make him happy if the car caught fire anyway. He knew that Angel was inside and as much as he wanted to really rub it into his grand-sire’s face that Buffy was with him now and had feelings for him, he also was a bit afraid of what he would find inside. Would she by now have run straight towards the older vampire and completely forget about him outside? He knew that she still had feelings for Angel, that he would always hold a special place inside her heart that Spike never would. But it was him Buffy sought out when she wanted to talk about problems and other things and not call Granddaddy for that. Spike grinned at that thought, still if he didn’t want to remain the whole day outside in the car, he had to go inside the house again; well rather back to the television screen. Hey, he still could give the old man a heart attack by appearing out of nowhere directly on the screen, or what passed with vampires as coronary that was.
 
***
 
Inside the house, Buffy had just come back down the stairs. Angel was still in the same place when she had left, so before joining the others for breakfast Buffy slowly entered the living room again to face him.
 
“Angel?”
 
The vampire looked up towards her, still trying to figure out what was going on.
 
“Spike helped you?” He then asked silently after a while. That much he had gotten from her earlier outburst, but that didn’t mean that he had understood it. And it made him forget for the moment that he really felt like killing Spike. A lot.
 
“Look, I don’t want to discuss this with you either.” Buffy told him seriously. “Yes, Spike has helped us and is still helping us. And he hasn’t hurt anyone for the past two years.”
 
“Yes, but this is Spike we’re talking about.” Angel protested. “He is just playing you…”
 
“No, he can’t harm any living being because of the chip the Initiative implanted him with.” Buffy told him, reminding him of something she thought he already knew. Angel growled, with the memories of the Initiative came the memory of Riley and how much he didn’t like him either.
 
“He’s helping us and he doesn’t even want something in return for it, so I’d say he’s really changed.” Buffy explained, smiling inwardly at how much Spike really had changed or rather how much his love for her had caused that change to start in the first place. And she even more smiled at the fact that she had started to love him back.
 
“But Buffy…” Angel started again only to be interrupted by Buffy.
 
“No buts, Spike has changed and if he was here, he’d prove it to you.” Buffy stated, smiling openly now. “Plus, Dawn really likes him, so you’d better watch what you say about Spike around her. After breakfast, everything will look brighter, believe me and don’t those pancakes smile really deliciously?”
 
Angel was still staring at her, trying to figure out just how much the girl he had left had grown into the Buffy that was standing in front of him. He stood up and joined her to leave for the kitchen, though the prospect of pancakes didn’t sound that appealing to him than it did to her.
 
Behind him the television screen flickered again, the black screen giving way to the bleached blond vampire Angel was looking for.
 
“Oh, why don’t you go join the others and I’ll be right back.” Buffy ushered Angel out of the room, not wanting him to find out about Spike’s current whereabouts.
 
As soon as Angel was out of the room, she addressed the television.
 
“What the hell have you been thinking?!”
 
“Why, luv?” Spike grinned broadly towards her, still inside his mind he was also a bit afraid.
 
“What if he saw you?” Buffy was mad now. “You know why he’s here and it’d be better if he didn’t see you. And how come he knew about the video?”
 
“Wait a second, pet.” Spike was confused. “I have no idea why Peaches is here, I mean, car here? And what was that with the video?”
 
“Well, television here would fit better now.” Buffy corrected him, having found her smile back, but still there was this being not amused expression on her face. “About the video, let’s just say he knows about it; he has seen it if that makes it clearer for you!”
 
“But how?” Spike asked her still overly confused. He had no idea that the video, he hadn’t even intended for her to see had been apparently broadcast over to Los Angeles also. But it meant that she hadn’t been glued to Angel permanently and rather was concerned about what said vampire might do to Spike, her Spike.
 
“He has seen it!!” Buffy repeated, standing there with her hands on her hips and ignoring the broad grin on Spike’s face; the one that appeared there right after the second where his mouth hung agape from the surprise.
 
“Buffy, breakfast is ready and the pancakes are getting cold! Tara made the funny shaped ones you like so much.” Dawn’s voice came from the kitchen.
 
“I’m coming!” Buffy replied. Before she left, she turned around and addressed Spike again.
 
“Stay here, we have to talk about this later.” Her tone still was frozen in this not amused kind of way. Still, a faint blush had crept up her cheeks at the image of her dancing very closely to Spike and she remembered that she wanted to try this out for real sometime soon with him. “Be just glad that other than Angel, which I have still no idea how, nobody else has seen that.”
 
***
 
On the other side of the ocean, Rupert Giles was just sitting down, enjoying some quality time of reading, something he hadn’t done for like ages and sipping from his cup of tea when this perfect stillness was interrupted by rather rapid knocking on the door.
 
“Oh well, I shouldn’t have thought to have a single afternoon for myself then, should I?” Giles muttered angrily and went for the door. It wasn’t enough that he had tried to figure out why the report about this new band nobody knew anything about but had gone straight to No.1 almost everywhere had triggered something inside his mind and no matter how much he’d racked his brains, still couldn’t quite figure it out. Now they had to interrupt him again.
 
He made his way to the door, putting up his most sour expression to scare away any not welcomed visitors and then opened to greet this visitor properly. The person he now was facing wasn’t whom he had expected to see at all and also never wanted to see again.
 
“Rupert, there is something we need to talk about.” Quentin Travers had a similar expression on his face, he did look quite pissed about something Giles was sure to find out soon. “And it concerns your Slayer, or rather her improbable behaviour recently.”
 
***
 
The pancakes didn’t only smell deliciously, they tasted even more so. Sometimes during breakfast, the Scoobies and their guests were joined by Xander and Anya. The latter of course clung even more to her fiancé than she did without the visit from Los Angeles; Cordelia had been his ex after all. And so it was that Anya seemingly out of accident showed her ring more than usually, also did she mention the wedding ceremony equally often which did mean something. It wasn’t as if the big wedding and all that went with it had been the only thing Anya was talking about for the past months.
 
“So, you and Xander are tying the knot, right?” For Cordelia this still was somehow surprising. It was Xander, her ex and an ex-demon whose job had it been to carry out scorned women’s pleas. Just like she had done when Cordy had met her first and she so didn’t want to think about that right now.
 
“Yes!” Anya beamed brightly and showed her ring again for good measure. “And it doesn’t matter to him that I am not a virgin anymore when we’ll go down the aisle. I mean sure, he isn’t one neither, but Bridal magazine said that….what?”
 
Cordy just stared at her open-mouthed, Xander had turned beet red once again and the rest of them barely suppressed their grins.
 
“Ahn, tact. We talked about that.” Xander made himself as small as possible, Anya only waved offhandedly in his direction.
 
“Yes, I know and I should develop some more. “ She said, facing the others again. “I still don’t understand why it is so horrible if I told them how good our sex is. It’s not like I did that and it is really good. Xander and I have lots of orgasms, which is why we both are no longer virgins.”
 
The only sound now in the kitchen was the loud coughing coming from Cordelia who had choked on her pancake. Wesley had turned quite red himself and the present Scobies rolled their eyes.
 
“Ah, that is quite nice for you, Anya wasn’t it?” Wesley managed after a while, his face still a glowing post in the darkness as red as it was. “But we should get back to the point at hand before Cordelia suffers from any severe health consequences…or anyone else for that matter.”
 
Cordelia shot him a deadly look but remained silent, she was trying to fight off the choking and didn’t trust her voice right now that far.
 
“So from what Willow has told us, there are three guys that are causing trouble and now they have acquired Spike as their latest tool in going against you?” Wesley asked, waiting for confirmation before continuing with what must have been the $1 Million question of the morning. “Why Spike?”
 
***
 
“Warren, there is something seriously wrong here.” Jonathan contemplated for like the thousandth time. But like all those times before his comrade in arms didn’t listen do him.
 
“Why, wetting your panties already?” Warren taunted the boy who frantically shook his head denying it. “Relax, everything is gonna go alright.”
 
“That’s not what I meant.” Jonathan looked at him angrily. He knew that Warren had just seized the opportunity to get back on him. Did he suspect anything about them laughing behind his back? “Just look for once and you’ll see it for yourself.”
 
Warren had been working on the vampire for the past hour or so, with Jonathan and Andrew as his dutiful audience; always watching his every move up to the point that it really creeped him out. But he had been so engrossed in his work that he had to admit that he hadn’t noticed anything not going according to his plan. Of course he also had tried really hard to shut out the other two chatting about just how much this reminded them of an episode on Star Trek he’d immediately forgotten the title from. But he hadn’t noticed anything unusual at all. He stepped back and took another closer look at the vampire in front of him, silent like before with his head-gear that allowed them to control his movements from a greater distance. Still there was nothing unusual about him other that maybe he did look a bit pale, well paler than before but wasn’t he dead and weren’t dead people supposed to look pale?
 
“He doesn’t look that good, Warren.” Andrew chimed in. “He doesn’t look all healthy.”
 
“Well, duh, he’s a vampire and all he eats is blood so does that sound any more healthy to you?” Warren snapped at him. But then he saw it for himself.
 
The vampire indeed didn’t look like before. His eyes were slightly sunken and the cheekbones even more prominent than usually, his body had begun to get thinner, not fast and not that noticeable but soon it would be and then he would no longer be useful for them. Warren mentally cursed himself for not having been that foreseeing. If the vampire would start to show that clear signs of being defective, he couldn’t continue with his plan for the Slayer would notice something being wrong with him. And he didn’t want to build a bot, she’d notice that too, not when he had the real thing at hand. Warren frowned at that sight. They had to do something and more importantly, they had to do it soon. He would have to reschedule the whole timetable of his plan, his despite the circumstances still brilliant plan mind you, and start it sooner than anticipated.
 
“Alright folks, we’ll then have to start Phase Two sooner than we thought to…” Warren started, but was interrupted by Andrew again.
 
“But I thought we already started Phase Two, Warren.”
 
“..and we’ll just have to follow my plan then nothing will go wrong.” Warren continued, shooting daggers towards Andrew. “I have an idea how this is going to work.”
 
“But the Slayer will notice that something is wrong with him, I mean look at him. She’ll see it right away and then we’re so screwed.” Andrew whined and Warren slapped him again.
 
“Then we’ll just have to make it so that she won’t see anything.” Warren smiled evilly. “Andrew, get your things, you know what to do.”
 
***
 
No matter how hard they’d tried, they couldn’t come up with any possible explanation why Spike was so interesting for the Nerdy Ones. Still, the question was a burning one and finding an answer to it came right after finding Spike’s body. That was of course also right after convincing Angel that the video he had seen had just been nothing more than a trick of the Three Geeks. Also Buffy was for once glad that none of the others had told the L.A. crew of the current state Spike was in, it made it easier for her to do all the explaining about him being vamp-napped by the Nerdians in whole and not just his body while the ever annoying mind of his remained stuck inside her television. Speaking of Spike, it was about time that Buffy checked on her very own television-vamp again. It had taken some time, but Angel, albeit still extremely suspicious had started to believe the story Buffy and the rest of the Scoobies had come up with about Spike’s and Buffy’s appearance in that video. Of course Lorne had supplied lots of comments of his own about how really sorry he was to have missed that. He so would’ve loved having the chance of soul-reading another member of Angel’s family, one that hadn’t a soul. How he was able to soul-read those without having a soul remained his secret however. The green demon found this whole situation extremely fascinating. Since breakfast time was over now, the whole gang had decided to retreat to the living room for discussing the next stages of what to do.
 
Buffy heard a slight flicker from the living room on their way there and stepped in front of the others. She knew exactly what that had been, rather who that had been and so didn’t want to have the others find out, especially not Angel, not after all the convincing it took before.
 
“Uh, I completely forgot about some chairs.” She stammered hastily, shooing the others back into the dining room. Why don’t you get some of them and I’ll prepare the room for our war council.”
 
“War council?” Xander sounded very confused for a second, but the looks Willow gave him cleared it up a bit. “Oh, right, we’ll be fetching us some chairs.” He grabbed Angel and dragged him along, away from the living room where Spike just had reappeared on the television screen again.
 
“What is your problem?” Angel shrugged the hand off. How dare he crinkle his new shirt?!
 
“Chairs, we need chairs.” Willow stated as she pushed him towards the kitchen and further away from where he could ran into the chance of seeing Spike or even hearing his voice from the screen.
 
But before Buffy even had the chance of reprimanding her vampire for appearing so suddenly on the screen and risking to be seen by Angel, the television went black along with all the other lights inside the Summer’s house, the room thanks to the blackened out windows due to Angel staying for the day was pitch black now too. A strangled yelp could be heard right before the lights had frizzled out, sparks flowing from several burst light bulbs.
 
“Damn!!” Another voice came out of the darkness that sounded like Xander. “And I just had replaced all the bulbs recently.”
 
“Why would you have needed to replace them?”
 
“Believe me, you don’t want to know.” Xander answered sarcastically, then “Ouch!” as he tripped over something. A strong hand helped him up and it took him a while to realize that it was Angel.
 
“Of course, you can see in the dark.” Xander muttered. “We need to find some flashlights for those not-being-able-to-see-in-the-dark people and then get the lights back on working again.”
 
A little while later, as well as some minor to bigger ouchies coming from constantly bumping into things during the search for the flashlights, they now had light again. And they had brought chairs so that everyone could be finally seated in the living room to discuss the situation. It wasn’t long that it became noticeable just how much Buffy fidgeted around on the couch. She hadn’t had the time to talk to Spike before the lights had went out and she felt this huge feeling of concern deep inside her. She missed him and wanted to know whether he was okay or not, but she couldn’t risk turning on the television; not with Angel in the same room. He’d probably demolish her TV and she so couldn’t afford a new one.
 
Her problem was solved by Xander plopping down next to her on the couch after getting back from the kitchen with some drinks and accidentally sitting directly on the remote control.
 
“Xander NO!” Buffy shrieked, but it already was too late. Angel would see Spike on the screen and there wouldn’t be anything that stopped him from finding out what exactly had happened to the other vampire. Plus he would get so mad he’d kill the television to get Spike and she didn’t want that any more than she had wanted before. Did she mention that she also didn’t want Spike to get hurt? Ah well, now it was too late and with the first flickers the television came to life Buffy really expected all hell to break loose and braced herself for the explosion. And she couldn’t get the remote fast enough from under Xander’s butt.
 
Nothing happened.
 
“Uh, I didn’t wanted you to think that I am into these stupid game shows that are running all over the mornings.” Buffy stuttered, not even having to fake the distress that showed up on her face. She hastily grabbed the remote from Xander and turned the television off. “Where were we, ah yes, the problem about Spike…”
 
“We’ve already discussed the problem with Spike.” Angel growled, not having missed the sort of dreamy sound at her mentioning the other vampire’s name. And what was that about those game shows? He really liked them and it wasn’t as if he had that much entertainment during the day other than Connor. Angel smiled at the thought of his little son, Spike immediately forgotten.
 
“We wanted to have a war council which sure is much better then the Watchers Council and sounds so much more exciting.” Willow started, she too had noticed the change of voice when Buffy mentioned Spike, but was that worry she’d heard there?
 
“Yes, I’m afraid we still don’t know anything or have the slightest idea of a plan.” Wesley chimed in, a bit miffed though because he might no longer be an active member of the Council, hell he didn’t even know whether he still was one in the first place, but that didn’t mean that anybody should badmouth the Council.
 
“But we have a plan, we just don’t know anything about it yet.” Xander said, smiling inwardly at the daggers Anya shot towards Buffy for touching him where only she was allowed to. “The plan is to find Spike and save him. Then kicking some serious Nerd butt.”
 
“I’m not sure I got you there right.” Gunn told Xander disbelievingly. “You want to save Spike? The vampire Spike? Whom you can stand even less than Angel from what I heard?”
 
“Yes, got any problem with that?” Xander snapped back. He finally seemed to have gotten his spine back and for the moment wasn’t ashamed anymore of his friendship with Spike or who knew about it.
 
Buffy on the other hand still sat silently on the couch and her mind raced. Spike hadn’t been in the television when it was turned on accidentally but he had been there before, just before the lights had gone out. Since she was pretty sure he couldn’t have switched channels without being displayed on the screen he must have jumped somewhere else. He couldn’t have vanished just like that, could he? She just couldn’t loose him like that.
 
***
 
It was dark again when Spike came around later that day.
 
But of course it still was bright outside with the sun shining down on Mother Earth in full force. Only Spike couldn’t see that from where he currently resided. But that was the part he had yet to discover.
 
“Bloody Hell!! Where am I now?”
 
The thing that made him frenzy almost instantly was that he couldn’t hear his own voice anymore, no matter how often he repeated his question or how loud he was cursing to heavens, it remained silent to him and the world. He raged even so hard, he almost didn’t hear himself when finally something penetrated the little world he was reduced to for the moment.
 
“Spike?”
 
“Who are you?!!” The vampire raged anew. “And why can’t I see anything. And how come you know me? And…”
 
“Spike?” The voice asked again, this time sounding definitely confused, almost as if the owner of that voice was trying to pinpoint the exact location of the sound that somehow sounded like Spike, if a bit mangled that was. “Is that you?”
 
“Who else, now who are…” Spike finally recognized that voice as it came a bit clearer through the fogged senses. But it was still muffled, just like his own was to him once he’d accustomed himself to that fact. “Dawn?”
 
“And here I thought you knew me so well.” The teen answered sarcastically. “Took you long enough, by the way, where are you and why the hell were you screaming so loud. They’ll hear you two blocks from here.”
 
“Dawn, language.” Spike scolded her then he frowned slightly. Could he do that where he was? Right now, he didn’t care about that little fact and returned to the topic at hand. “I don’t know.”


“Don’t know what?” Now it was Dawn’s turn to look confused.
 
“Where I am.”
 
“Oh. Well, we don’t know that either, that’s why we are looking for your body and where these geeks have brought you.” Dawn explained slowly.
 
“I know that part, Bit.” Spike returned. “But I rather meant now. Where am I?”
 
“Uh, you’re in Buffy’s room, but I don’t know where you are exactly.” Dawn told him and smiled. “Does she know that you’re hiding in her room?”
 
“But I’m not hiding!” Spike protested all too loudly. Not that hiding somewhere in Buffy’s closet would be something he’d loved doing once, him being evil and all that. But he clearly wasn’t right now.
 
“And why are you not down in the television, Buffy’s worried sick about you.” Dawn told him sternly.
 
“Buffy’s worried about me?” Spike asked, forgetting for the moment that he needed to find out where he was. “But I’m right here, been here for the whole bloody time right now.”
 
“Well, yeah if you say so, but I still can’t see you so wherever you are, don’t you think it’s time to come out and tell Buffy that you are yourself again?” Dawn sounded sad. Why would he do that and leave Buffy thinking that he’d gone forever.
 
“Because I can’t, Nibblet.” Spike answered her truthfully, recognizing the sadness in her voice and immediately realizing the reason for it. “Believe me, if I’d been in my body again, don’t you think I’d come rushing back to big sis’?”
 
“But where are you then?” Dawn wanted to know impatiently. If he wasn’t lying, and he’d never lie to her she was sure about that, then he had to be somewhere. Then she had an idea. “Wait, keep talking and I’ll follow the voice.”
 
“Alright, but I’m not so sure this’ll work.” Spike sounded unsure, but Dawn cut him off.
 
“Keep talking and we’ll find out.” Dawn tried her best to put some confidence in her voice. Maybe she’d feel it then as well.
 
“Well, can’t hurt to try then. So Bit, how’s school then?” Spike asked her. “Oh, well, since that’d require an answer from you, wouldn’t help you find me, right? So, do you have someone you’ve set your eyes on?”
 
“That’d require an answer from me, too.” Dawn chuckled. “And besides, I’m a lady and I keep that one for myself.”
 
“That only goes for perfect gentlemen with the whole remaining silent and enjoying part.” Spike returned, grinning as well, though she probably couldn’t see that one either. “But remember, if he hurts my little girl, I’ll kill him.”
 
“As if you could with the chip in your head.” Dawn reminded him and was sure to earn a distinctive sour look for that remark from him, at least she could hear it.
 
“Right, I was just offering. No need to get all snippy about that one.” Spike told her, unsure of where she’d gone when she remained silent.
 
“But it was thoughtful of you to offer it anyways. Oh, I got good grades on that test, well not as good as I’d have gotten on it if you had studied with me like you’d promised to. And since you’ve been a television all the time, you’re forgiven for that one.” Dawn said absently, going through Buffy’s room in order to find out where Spike was. Since Buffy did not own any television he could hardly be in there then. And he wasn’t in the stereo; that was the place she’d checked out first. But where could he be then. Spike still continued talking about how she needed to be careful with that boy and what kind of danger the youth of today could be. Something was wrong though, she just couldn’t pinpoint the source of his voice. With a big sigh she plopped down onto Buffy’s bed, filled with some of her stuffed animals.
 
“Any luck, Bit?” Spike asked her and Dawn jumped. The voice had sounded so near this time, almost as if she was sitting directly next to him, if a bit muffled. But there was only her and Buffy’s animals on the bed. Curiously she started to remove them one by one until only one of them was left. Immediately Dawn exploded into a hysteric fit of giggles.
 
“What is it now?”
 
“The good news is I found you.” Dawn managed to get out between giggling. “And the funnier news is … I found you.”
 
***
 
Meanwhile in the Nerd’s Lair, Andrew just had finished his task. He collected his things and stepped back, presenting his fellow Nerds with the fruit of his hard work.
 
“Well, what do you think?” He asked them, grinning proudly at his handiwork. “Am I good or am I good?”
 
His two companions looked critically over his work, eying it from head to toe and back upwards again.
 
“Hm…”
 
“What?” Andrew grew impatient. He’s spent the better part of the last hour or so in working over the mute vampire and all they had to say was “Hm?”
 
“Well, he does look healthier now.” Jonathan supplied after a while. “A bit green-ish on the cheeks if you ask me, but I guess that couldn’t be helped. Guess that’s mandatory for the whole attire.”
 
“Looks okay to me.” Warren told him. “Okay enough for the next stage of the plan. But you could loose those ears before we’ll start again.”
 
“What’s wrong with those?” Andrew asked confused.
 
“Let me put it that way.” Warren explained carefully, once more repeating his list of descriptions for moron inside his head directly towards the other boy; a list that was growing with every minute he spent in the company of the other two. Maybe he’d really rethink that idea of creating him some robotic allies again. “He didn’t have them before and I think the Slayer would notice something wrong if her pet vampire suddenly sported pointed ears, don’t you think?”
 
***
 
“Won’t you tell me then why you think the current place of where I’m in is so funny?” Spike asked the teen, sounding a bit miffed. “And please don’t forget to breathe, wouldn’t want you to suffocate now, will we?”
 
“Sorry, it’s just that it is too funny and I really can’t tell you.” Dawn managed to say, before another fit of giggles overtook her. “Maybe you should take a look at it yourself.”
 
With that she took his current residence and shoved it in front of the mirror. And waited.
 
“And what am I supposed to see, Bit?” Spike asked indignantly. Truth was, he didn’t see anything, he didn’t even see her which made him wonder. He had been able to perfectly see when he still was inside the television or even when he was inside his car and that part he hadn’t figured out yet. But then, he was but a vampire and not a physicist or any other similar genius.
 
“You can’t see?” Dawn asked rather disappointed. And here she so would have given anything for his reaction.
 
“Blind as a mole.” Spike replied. “And I seem to be stuck in wherever you don’t want to tell me I am. Have tried to get out a couple of times now without effect. Where the hell am I?”
 
“You’re inside one of Buffy’s stuffed animals and…”
 
“I’m WHERE??!!!” Spike shouted out rather loudly what only brought Dawn into another giggle fest. “How can that be?!”
 
“Maybe…snort…that one’s a talking stuffed animal, you know with a …snort…chip inside so that’s where you got stuck after the black-out. But don’t worry, we’ll get you out of there in no-time.”
 
“Like you got me out of the television?” Spike said and Dawn sobered instantly at his tone.
 
“It’s not our fault, you know, that you got stuck there.” She scoffed at him.
 
“I’m sorry, Nibblet.” Spike told her earnestly. “But this is just a bit too much for me right now. I didn’t mean to be mad at you.”
 
“I can understand, you are afraid…” Dawn said, hearing the pouting at that rather than seeing it from the vampire. “And don’t try to deny it, I know you better than that. But we’ll find a way, I promise.” She repeated his own words from last night somehow. “But we might need some help.”
 
“Right, but first things first, is that a baby I hear from next doors?”

Disclaimer and Notes: see Prologue
Spike’s brain
 
by Belladonna
 

~Chapter 10~
In any other shell
 
Downstairs in the Summers’ home the discussion had once again come to a moot point. All they had was the knowledge that Spike was somewhere with the Nerds. They knew they had to defeat those idiots as soon as possible to make place for a real villain and not just those wannabe’s. At some point of that discussion someone had brought up the little fact of time, Buffy didn’t quite remember who that exactly was, but it sure hadn’t eased her worries. If only, it had increased them tenfold. She had no idea how long it had been that Spike had eaten, but then Angel had also agreed that the longer Spike was gone the greater the risk of him starving, since he was sure that those little geeks would not feed him properly, if they thought about it at all. On top of that, Angel had started pacing after he saw the stricken look on Buffy’s face at that revelation. Currently he was running a huge hole into the carpet.
 
“Was that a baby?” Buffy suddenly asked loud when the wail of a small child from somewhere upstairs interrupted her trail of thoughts.
 
“Oh, Connor must be a bit hungry.” Cordy told her and went up to go to the little one but Willow interrupted her, seeing the confused and also a bit shocked look on Buffy’s face.
 
“I’ll go. I guess that’s something that hasn’t come up yet, hm?” And with that the redhead ws off to the stairs.
 
“What hasn’t come up yet?” Buffy asked curiously, still not understanding but from the expressions on the faces of the others she knew that she must’ve been the only one not knowing.
 
“Now this is one, I wouldn’t want to miss.” Cordelia whispered to Fred. “Now watch and find out what we’ve missed earlier.”
 
“Angel?” Buffy asked tentatively, having almost immediately recognized him as the one with the answer since he sure looked the most guilty of all of them. And she definitely didn’t like the suspicions she had at that. “What is with that baby?”
 
“Uh, shouldn’t we rather think of a way to find Spike?” Angel asked her, silently pleading for the others to help him out there. He wasn’t quite sure just how exactly he should explain Buffy Connor’s existence. But the grins on all of their faces proved him that this time he was alone on that one.
 
“Why do I have a crying baby upstairs in this house?” Buffy wanted to know. Angel still wouldn’t meet her eyes when he silently muttered his response.
 
“He’s ours.”
 
“Can you repeat that please?” Buffy asked, barely have heard him at all and wasn’t sure she wanted to believe what she’d heard.
 
“He’s ours.” Angel repeated, this time a bit louder and Buffy’s resolve faltered.
 
“He’s what?” Buffy was stunned. “This is a joke, right?” The baby decided to cry once more between her talk. “You all decided getting a baby together? Wouldn’t it be better having gotten a dog or so?”
 
“Connor’s not a pet!” Angel was enraged right now. How dare she compare his son with an animal!
 
“So, who is he then?” Buffy wanted to know and her glare told him to better answer that one or else.
 
“Connor is my son.”
 
“Huh?”
 
***
 
Willow had gone to check on the little one upstairs when she heard Dawn’s voice beckoning her to come into Buffy’s room.
 
“Dawnie?” She asked curiously. “What is it? I just wanted to check on Connor, he’s…”
 
“Yeah, he’s crying, so we’ve heard.” Dawn told her directly and Willow frowned.
 
“Who’s we?” She wondered, but didn’t need to wait long for an explanation.
 
“We as in Spike and me.” Dawn said, grinning suddenly like mad.
 
“What are you smiling at?” Willow now truly was confused and she didn’t have much time to really grasp the fact that the vampire wasn’t gone like Buffy had feared and again she wasn’t kept long in the dark on that one either. “If you don’t stop that your grin will be stuck that way forever.”
 
“I guess she’s doing it at my expense.” Spike’s voice quipped up from nowhere which made Dawn break out giggling once more.
 
“Stop that, you’re going to choke sometime soon.” Spike chided the teen and all Willow could do was stare. At least Dawn tried to comply, she really did.
 
“What is going on here?” Willow demanded after a while, then the baby started crying again and she sighed. “Alright, stay here, I’ll go check on Connor and then you’ll explain to me what is so funny and where is Spike anyway?”
 
“He…” Dawn couldn’t answer for the whole load of giggles coming up. Willow rolled her eyes and left the room.
 
A short while later, Willow returned with a smile of her own.
 
“He just wanted to have some attention.” She told them meaning the baby this time but got serious again. “So, what’s that about Spike? Where are you? Did you know that Buffy’s worried sick about you and that she thinks you’re dead?”
 
“Heard that one already.” Spike replied solemnly. “And there’s nothing I can do to change the being dead part. Also I’m effectively stuck here. And Dawn…”he put an extra emphasis on that “…wouldn’t even tell me where I’m stuck this time. I can’t bloody see anything!”
 
“How could you drive Buffy to L.A. in your car then?” Willow asked confused and Spike sighed audibly.
 
“I’m a vampire, not a scientist, pet. How am I to know?”
 
“Well, then Dawnie, why don’t you just tell me where Spike is…” Willow started but got interrupted by Spike again.
 
“See, that’s the problem. Every time I asked her that, she’s getting hysterical fits. Wouldn’t want her to forget breathing sometime between.” The bodiless voice of Spike told her.
 
“But where are you?” Willow repeated totally clueless.
 
“I don’t know! Didn’t you get the memo the first time?” Spike surely would loose his patience in no time if that went on that way.
 
“He’s here.” Dawn managed to say, thrusting one of Buffy’s stuffed animals right in front of Willow’s face.
 
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Willow laughed.
 
“Not you too!” Spike groaned miserably. “And I can’t see anything. I hope I’m not in some bloody dress-up Ken doll or something.”
 
“No, definitely not. But we have to do something about the not seeing part, because I just can’t tell you either where you are.” Willow told him earnestly, holding the stuffed animal in her hands. This was just too damn funny a chance to miss it for him finding out himself.
 
“Okay.” Spike gave in, clearly defeated. “Isn’t there something you can do about me not seeing to make me see?”
 
“Well, we could attach some more electrics to you. Maybe that’ll help, though I have no idea how that will work, but with the television it worked fine, so.” Willow gave it a serious thought, though remaining serious with Spike residing inside Buffy’s favourite stuffed animal in her hands was pretty hard. “I hadn’t even known that there were some electronics inside…ehm, where you are now. Still, I have no clue where to get some of that. The Nerds would have that equipment in their lair or in their shrine of geekdom with all their Sci-Fi memorabilias I’ve seen when I was there last time. But they aren’t there anymore, we checked that place first.”
 
“Ehm, I might be able to help you out on that one.” Spike’s voice told her, sounding really shy and insecure about trusting her with what he was about to reveal. Willow recognized that tone in his voice and ushered Dawn out of the room. If Spike truly was that insecure about telling her, he sure wouldn’t want Dawn hearing it too.
 
“Why don’t you go downstairs and tell Buffy that Spike’s okay.” She told the teen gently. “She’ll be relieved to hear that.”
 
When Dawn was gone, she turned around again to where she had sat down the stuffed animal.
 
“She’s gone, what was that you wanted to tell me, Spike?” Willow asked him. “I won’t tell anyone, promise.”
 
The stuffed animal continued to remain silent for a while, and Willow was about to speak again, reminding him to begin before Buffy would come up when he started.
 
“This is…I don’t know how to put it. It’s not something I’d like you guys to find out or anyone else for that matter.” Willow was sure he’d be turning beet red would he still have been human and having a body.
 
“If it’s about that sword collection in your crypt, we already know about that.”
 
“You do?” Spike was stunned. And Harris didn’t even come gloating about it.
 
“Anya found and told us about it.” Willow explained, but then a thought struck her. “You didn’t steal those from Giles, did you?”
 
“What? No!” Spike denied vehemently. “Why would you think I’d steal from him? No, what I was trying to tell you is that downstairs, in my crypt, there’s a glass head with some eye pieces on it. They are electrical, so they could maybe work with wherever I am. And why don’t you want to tell me where I am?”
 
“Eye pieces?” Willow was more confused than ever. That was it what Spike was so afraid of anyone else finding out? “That can’t be it. Just because there are some eye pieces down in your crypt doesn’t that mean that you are hiding something sinister down there like you made me think you would. I thought there was some really sinister thing coming up like you’ve started eating people again, which you haven’t, right?”
 
“No, why would I do that?” Spike’s voice asked her instead, still sounding a lot insecure about having revealed his secret to Willow.
 
“Never mind. You almost acted like Xander, well sounded like him, when he told me first about his comic book obsession and the collection of action figures he had in his room and was too afraid I’d laugh like all the others.” Willow said slowly, starting to suspect the truth.
 
Spike remained silent.
 
“It’s not something like that, isn’t it?” Willow asked him after he continued to be quiet. When he still refused to say anything, something clicked inside her mind.
 
“Those eye pieces wouldn’t have something to do with those they have on that show on television with that spaceship and the funny looking aliens?”
 
“If you must know, yes.” Spike replied finally, waiting for her to start laughing like he’d expected from everyone else. When she didn’t, he had to admit being a bit confused. “Why are you not laughing?”
 
“You thought I’d laugh at that?” Now it was Willow’s turn to be dumbfounded at that. “You confided in me with that, which by the way you actually didn’t yet, and now you expect me to laugh at you?”
 
“Well….yeah.” Spike silently admitted. “But if you tell anyone, and I mean anyone especially the others that I told you about me being a Trekkie, I’ll make your life really miserable. I’ll do that …”
 
“Sheesh, don’t make such a fuss about it.” Willow chided him. “Besides, you couldn’t hurt me anyways. I’d never laugh at you, Spike. I mean you’re still an evil vampire and all that, well, not so evil anymore but laughing at you because of that would be cruel of me. So, you think those things from your crypt will help you out, right? I’ll go get them for you. I still don’t understand why you consider this something sinister for anyone else to know.”
 
“You know what Harris would do if he found out?” Spike returned grumpily.
 
“I know, be glad he only went through your drawers when we’ve looked for you in your crypt.” Willow grinned evilly.
 
“Bloody Hell!!
 
***
 
“Your son?” Buffy repeated stunned after a while. The rest of the Scoobies hadn’t said anything at all which made her realize that she’d been the only one who had not known about that. “How…?”
 
“This is something we also are still trying to research on.” Wesley supplied helpfully. “But his birth seems to have been predicted in several prophecies, of which we’ve been able to obtain one of the more prominent ones.”
 
“But I thought vampires couldn’t…you know.” Buffy said, still trying to shake off the initial surprise at that revelation. It was strong enough to make her forget for the moment all her concerns about Spike. How could she to know what was coming next?
 
“That’s what we thought too. But it seems that this is tied to that prophecy.” Angel told her softly. “It’s a miracle actually, one I’m grateful for. And he’s completely human.”
 
“Why shouldn’t he be…who’s his mother then?” Buffy was trying to grasp the fact about Angel having a child, a real one, not a vampire-human hybrid or something like that.
 
“Darla.” Angel said so silently, she almost didn’t hear it. From the surprised gasps and the turmoil that started after that revelation she could tell that this part was something the other Scoobies apparently hadn’t known as well.
 
“You slept with Darla?” Buffy asked. No, she couldn’t say that this was something she’d expected.
 
“It was a difficult time and…” Angel stammered, shooting helpless glances towards the rest of the L.A. gang knowing full well that the only thing he’d see on their faces would be their broad grins and a look that said “Look how you’ll get out of this one by yourself.”. “…and I wasn’t myself then and…”
 
“You slept with Darla!” Buffy’s voice had gotten noticeably louder as had her face turned redder with anger. “How could you do that?”
 
“Well, it’s simple actually and shouldn’t you know about that already?” Anya supplied helpfully. “I mean you must have done that before too…”
 
Willow chose that moment to come down again, carrying Connor in her arms and thus sparing Angel any answer she was sure he didn’t have and right in time to see Buffy turning quite red at Anya’s ‘helpful’ comment. She handed the baby over to Cordelia.
 
“Uh, I have to go get some things.” She hastily told them. “I’ll be right back.”
 
“Do you want to meet Connor, Buffy?” Cordy asked, carefully stepping between the two once-lovers. “Isn’t he the cutest little baby you’ve ever seen?”
 
Well, Buffy had to admit that he indeed was cute and she could even see the resemblance with Angel. Still…
 
“And you were mad at me about dancing with Spike in that video??!!!”
 
***
 
Willow had returned soon again and she still grinned. No, she had promised not to laugh at him, Spike had after all confided in her so she owed him, sort of. Brushing past the others who were in the living room, now cooing at the baby, Willow assumed that she’d missed the big bang. It didn’t matter since there was another one to come soon, so she went directly upstairs to get Spike. And if she couldn’t have been there when Buffy had found out about Connor and exploded, at least she could have the fun of seeing Spike when he found out where he was effectively stuck until they found his body. She pulled out the eye piece she’d gotten from Spike’s crypt and went to work. If she were honest to herself, she had in fact really laughed at first, when she’d seen the lower level of his crypt. There was this whole collection of swords and stuff hanging at the wall with strange writings on them she recognized seeing at Xander’s at some time. But then she remembered also that she’d promised him and gotten some of the stuff from the table. Now she was sitting again on Buffy’s bed and finished her work on the stuffed animal, readying if for the first test. She hadn’t even known that this particular one had some electronics inside at all.
 
“I’m finished, Spike.” She told him softly. “Do you see anything now?”
 
A bit blurry, but shortly the picture cleared itself and Spike found himself looking up towards Willow.
 
“I can see you.” He announced happily. “Not quite excellent picture quality, but at least in living colours.” Willow was sure to hear him smirking underneath all that fluffyness he was holed up in. Wonder if he was still smiling if he knew, Willow thought; her evil grin firmly on her lips as she took him towards the mirror.
 
Spike knew the instant he saw her grinning that something wasn’t right, in fact seriously wrong and he had the growing suspicion that it had something to do with where he was now in. But he wasn’t sure until she held him directly in front of the mirror.
 
“NO WAY!!!!!”
 
***
 
They were right back where they had started. Buffy sat at one end of the couch and Angel on the other. Only this time there were a bit more people there with them in the room and sitting between them. And like before silence had settled over the living room, the only sound to be heard were the fussing noises coming from the baby and of course a really loud shriek from upstairs.
 
“What was that?” Angel asked confused. It had sounded a lot like Spike, but that couldn’t be, could it? Dawn started to giggle hysterically which of course did nothing to clear that confusion up.
 
“Don’t forget to breathe, Dawnie.” Xander told her when she turned red from laughing so hard. “Why are you laughing anyways?”
 
“Hehe….snort…..ahem, nothing.” Dawn replied, barely suppressing her giggles. “But Willow’s upstairs and I think there’s something you really should see, Buffy.”
 
“It’s not something Connor did on my bed, is it?” Buffy’s eyes widened at that and Dawn frantically shook her head.
 
“No, nothing like that.” She assured her sister. “It’s just, you really need to see that and Willow will explain everything to you. I think she can do that better than me.” With the extra emphasis on really, Buffy had gotten curious she had to admit and it strayed her thoughts and worries away from Spike.
 
Reluctantly Buffy made her way upstairs, not quite sure what to expect. And she sure as hell didn’t expect Willow sitting in her room, on her bed and talking to her favourite stuffed animal. What was that strange looking stuff on its head anyways?
 
“Willow?” Buffy had gotten even more confused at that sight. “Dawn told me you had something to show me and what are you doing in my room on my bed with Mr. Gordo??”
 
“At least now I know where I’m in.” Another voice quipped up before Willow had a chance of answering that, the pout audible in it. “That doesn’t change the fact that I’m still mad about you two not telling me before.”
 
“We didn’t want to spoil the surprise for you.” Willow patted the little stuffed piggy on the back. “Besides, that way it was more fun.”
 
“Yeah, more fun for you.” There was that pout again and Buffy lost it.
 
“What the hell is going on!” She demanded loudly and then a more silent “Spike?”
 
“Alive and accounted for.” The vampire replied. “Well, not quite alive but you get the meaning, right pet?”
 
“Spike?” Buffy repeated tentatively and sat down on the bed. She bit back a sob. “I thought I’d lost you forever.”
 
“I’ll never leave you, luv.” Spike assured her soothingly and not for the first time during this strange experience he wished for him being in his own body back. That way he would be able to hold her and comfort her the way she deserved.
 
“But why are you here?” Buffy still was confused, in her mind replaying the earlier event that could’ve caused her to loose Spike like she thought. “When you suddenly disappeared from the screen when the lights went out, that was just…”
 
“Hey, don’t cry now.” Spike now really ached for comforting Buffy the way he saw Willow doing it. The redhead was rubbing soothing circles at Buffy’s lower back and was just there for her. “I didn’t mean to put that a scare on you, pet. It’s just, I was surprised too at that and then there was nothing at all until I woke up here.”
 
“Oh, Spike!” Buffy cried out and clutched the pet to her chest. “Never leave me like this again!”
 
“Never, luv.” Spike replied. “I promise.”
 
“Good.” Buffy collected herself a bit and then held the stuffed animal in front of her. “Never scare me like this ever!”
 
“No.” Spike assured her but and smiled, though she couldn’t see that part. “Wouldn’t have thought you’d be that sappy about me gone missing.”
 
“And I’ll never be that again.” Buffy scowled at him but inside her she knew he only did that to make her feel better. She turned to face Willow again. “What was it that you wanted to tell me?”
 
“Erm, since you already found out about Spike here.” She grinned again and could’ve sworn that the stuffed pig shot her a dirty look through that eye piece. “He seems to be stuck inside Mr.Gordo and I had to attach those thingies to him so that he can see us now. We really need to find his body fast and find out how those idiots have done this to him since I have no idea how to get him back in again.” At that last part she had covered the stuffed pig with her hands, hoping that he wouldn’t be able to hear it.
 
Spike had heard her clearly though, but remained silent, not wanting them to know or get worried again. In the meantime it was his turn to truly get worried a lot especially when he remembered the last time he had eaten and that had been quite a while ago. If Buffy didn’t find his body soon, maybe there wouldn’t be anything left for him to go back into.
 
“So, I’ll go get downstairs and help a bit on the figuring out a plan part.” Willow chirped and got up to leave. “I’ll leave you two alone for a moment, I’m sure you’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”
 
“Wills, it’s not like we haven’t seen us in years or so.” Buffy started to protest, but then relaxed a bit. “Alright, it’s not like we can do much during the day when these Nerds sure have Spike stashed away somewhere dark. I’ll be down again later.”
 
After Willow had left, Buffy relaxed against the headboard of the bed, still clutching Spike to her and unconsciously petting the stuffed animal he resided in for the moment.
 
“You know, I’ve always wanted to be with you together here.” Spike piped up. “Like this, just being together and all that.” Like it’s supposed to be in a normal relationship, he mentally added but refrained from saying that part out loud. But then, normal wasn’t what both of them had or would ever have.
 
“Well, it is something new.” Buffy had to admit and if she were completely honest, it wasn’t something she wouldn’t want to repeat after they’d found his body and returned him to it. “So, did you and Dawn have some fun before Willow found you?”
 
“Yeah, and I’m not sure I’d call that fun.” Spike complained. “She bloody tortured me with not telling where I was!”
 
“Sure that must’ve been some torture.” Buffy smiled down to him. “But at least you’re now in the Slayer’s bed.”
 
“Right, what a lovely reward that is when I’m stuck in here!!” Spike growled sarcastically, but somehow it wasn’t the same when it came from the fluffy animal and Buffy smiled even broader.
 
“Oh, and you don’t even know the whole truth yet.” Her smile darkened at that a bit, just remembering what exactly that truth also enclosed.
 
“What is it, pet?” Spike asked concerned, having immediately noticed the change in her. “Is it about the baby?”
 
“Yeah, how do you know about the baby?” Buffy told him, having gotten once more a remainder of what she’d never have.
 
“Heard it in the room next door.” Spike admitted to her. “Don’t be sad about it, luv. One day you’ll have one too and you’re going to be a wonderful mum to him or her. I just know you will.”
 
“Oh, Spike, how can you be so sure about that? A Slayer’s life isn’t exactly meant to have children in it.” Buffy said, still smiling sadly down towards him. “And you can’t make them either.”
 
That shocked Spike a bit. Truth being told, it shocked him more than that bit. Did she really say that right now? That she wanted children with him? He’d expected her being sad about not getting some because of her being the Slayer and all and at first he’d been a bit disappointed to have been right when she mentioned it. But then hearing her admitting to have thought of a family with him…now he even more was really frustrated about not having his body. He would’ve given everything right now to take her in his arms. Hearing this had made him the happiest man alive…erm undead.
 
“But Buffy, don’t worry about that right now.” He tried to soothe her and give comfort the way he was able to at the moment. “There’s plenty of ways to get that to work out for us. That is, if you really want that someday.” He left out the part where he remained insecure about her still wanting them to have children together that day. It made him sad too and he tried to change the subject. “So who’s little one is it? The cheerleader’s?”
 
“No, and you won’t believe me this, but it’s Angel’s son.” Buffy said waiting for the reaction from Spike. She wouldn’t have to wait long for that one.
 
“He’s whose son???”
 
“Angel’s.” Buffy told him. “And before you say it, I know that vampires can’t father children but it’s complicated. And there’s a prophecy involved.”
 
“Bloody hell!” Spike swore. He was truly mad now. “I’m gonna kill him!” Not only that Angel had left Buffy’s heart broken and him so much mistrust to overcome before she’d finally admitted that she felt something at all for him, no, he had to come back with a children, proof of what she could never have and he had received against all rules. Plus he really, really hated that guy, especially now.
 
“No, it’s okay.” Buffy told him. “I was mad at first when I heard it, but it’s okay now. I guess it wasn’t meant to be otherwise. His name is Connor, if you want to know.”
 
“Bloody typical for Peaches, picking out a name like that.” Spike said, knowing full well that she wasn’t really over it. He also knew she’d never admit that right now so he let it rest for the moment. He too let the topic pass about asking who the mother of the child would be, maybe she’d tell him later. He decided to cheer her up a bit once more. “So, pet. When you thought you’d lost me, that was really nice holding me to your chest that way. I even had a nice view down your cleavage. Which I still have through your clothes thanks to modern technology, you should be thinking about taking off that bra, the color really clashes with the top.”
 
“Spike you’re a pig!” Buffy told him, slapping the stuffed animal playfully and laughing.
 
“Yeah, what gave me away this time, Slayer?”
 
***
 
Later Buffy came down again, this time taking the stuffed pig with her. She wanted to show Connor to Spike and when they entered the living room, Angel was currently giving the infant his bottle.
 
“Now that’s something I’d never thought to see.” Spike grinned behind all that pinkish fluffiness of Mr:Gordo.
 
“Shut up!” Buffy hissed silently, smiling in greeting the others.
 
“Buffy.” Angel greeted her, noticing the fluffed thing in her hand and recognizing it as her favourite stuffed pet. “I was just giving Connor his bottle so that he can have his afternoon nap.”
 
“Uh, yeah, right.” Buffy stammered, clutching the pig in her hands even tighter. Spike noticed as did the others. She walked over to the couch and sat down on it, the pig in her lap and she was absently petting it again. When Angel was finished, he took Connor upstairs again and Willow leaned over towards her best friend.
 
“Why did you bring him down here?” She whispered. “What if Angel finds out, he’ll freak!”
 
“He won’t notice a thing, besides Spike was lonely up there and since Angel will never suspect anything, it was safe.” She left unsaid, that she needed his comforting presence to deal with the whole baby thing.
 
“Hey Buffster, what’s that on his head?” Xander asked curiously, examining the pig more closely and immediately recognizing those eye pieces that covered almost half of the stuffed animals face. “Never figured you for the Trekkie type. What’s with the Borg attire for Mr.Gordo?”
 
“Well, this is Spike-utus, a pig. And if you’re not careful he’ll assimilate you.” She told him, before Spike could growl towards the boy and held the object in question directly in front of him, repeating what Spike had joked with her earlier.
 
Xander’s eyes widened, when he saw the lights of the eye piece blinking as Spike zoomed in on him and realized the hidden message in Buffy’s words.
 
“This is…ouch.” He yelped when Willow elbowed him in the ribs, gesturing towards the returning Angel and the rest of the L.A. gang. “What was that for and…oh, brought the kid upstairs to sleep, Angel?”
 
“Yes.” The vampire replied, still confused at the sight of that pig that was in Buffy’s lap once more. She seemed happier than before and Angel really wondered why. It wasn’t like she had worried about Spike or so, who he still wanted to hurt badly when they found him. Suddenly something clicked inside his thoughts.
 
“Buffy, those guys you are looking for.” He began, thinking about it once more. “Was one of them really short and one of the others really annoying…”
 
“They are all pretty much annoying.” Xander piped up, not taking his eyes from the pig in Buffy’s lap. He was sure that it had smirked dirtily at him earlier.
 
“No, I meant that there were two bigger ones and one really short one with a sort of whining voice and wearing a shirt with something on it that looked like that stuff on your pig?” Angel asked, ignoring Xander completely. “Is that Mr.Gordo???”
 
“Yeah, how do you know that?” Willow wanted to know. Sure they had told Angel everything about those three geeks and told him who they were, but since he’d never met them or remembered meeting them truly, he couldn’t know what they looked like.
 
Angel turned around to face them all after exchanging knowing looks with the L.A. branch of the Scoobies. They knew what he was about to say and mentally slapped themselves for not remembering it earlier.
 
“I might know where they are.”

Disclaimer and Notes: see Prologue
Author's notes: Special thanks for my new beta Sandy aka. TalesOfSpike, you're the best, hon. All remaining errors are to be blamed on me. Also more special thanks to Andrea and x...megz...x for their mails regarding my story, the so to speak butt-kicking for me to sit down and finally continue on this.
Spike’s brain
 
by Belladonna
~Chapter 11~
Return to yesterday
 
“I might know where they are.” Angel repeated into the stunned silence. “These guys you were looking for.”
 
Once more all hell broke loose in the Summers household. Only this time it was due to the cacophony of voices all speaking up at the same time.
 
“Why didn’t you say something earlier?”
 
“What in the world were you thinking of keeping that from us when we were trying to figure out exactly that for the last three hours!!??”
 
“How could you do that to Buffy!”
 
“That’s so bloody typical for you, Peaches.”
 
Of course the last one was only muttered under the pig’s breath or non-breath or whatever. Which was a good thing, but in the current situation Angel wouldn’t have noticed that slip anyways. With the whole room yelling at him, his own little Fang Gang was grinning broadly again. Let Buffy be angry at him, Cordy thought silently to herself and that was probably the thing all the others were thinking too. She wasn’t the only one who was really mad at Angel for his Formula One style race towards Sunnydale. Cordelia also noticed that Buffy clutched the stuffed pig even closer against her than before almost holding onto it for dear life, as if it was the only thing to helping her keep her sanity in the nuthouse the living room had now become.
 
“Which question do you want me to answer first?” Angel tried to make a joke but the mass of grim faces sending daggers towards him made him turn serious really quickly. “But in my defence I have to say, that I didn’t say anything about it before because I didn’t remember. I never wanted to keep something important like this from you.”
 
“Yeah, right.” Spike snorted silently. “And you never kept the kid with the stupid name secret from Buffy.”
 
“But how could you do that to Buffy?” Dawn kept her angry stare fixed on Angel. “I thought you loved her.”
 
That brought another snort from the pig and Angel finally noticed it, looking now curiously towards Buffy.

”What was that?”
 
“What was what?” Buffy replied sourly. Sure Spike had almost revealed himself now, but she didn’t care. She was madder than hell right now and wanted nothing more than for Spike to be returned in one piece so that they could spend some private time together, Angel gone and her own serenity back. “Why don’t you tell us what you know about those geeks so that we can find them and you can return to your happy little life in L.A.?” Maybe she would even tell the others about her and Spike like she had wanted to do the whole time but hadn’t had the chance to do yet, so she could start over with a clean slate. She hadn’t realized it before, but now she was sure, Angel just had come back to gloat about his perfect life and to show her just how pathetic hers was. Just like she was sure Riley would do if he ever came back again. Hugging Mr. Gordo tightly to reassure herself with Spike’s comforting presence, at least some of the anger dissolved. She finally understood that she could be happy with Spike, that she was happy with him in fact and that she wouldn’t repeat the mistakes she’d made before. Once she got him back, she would give him a real chance, the one both he and she deserved so much.
 
“Go on. Tell us where these morons are.”
 
***
 
the night before (when Buffy and Spike went to L.A. and Angel broke every speed record racing to SunnyD…you get the meaning)
 
“This won’t work, Warren.” Jonathan told their fearless leader.
 
“Of course it will work.” Warren shot back. “Tell me one good reason why it wouldn’t.”
 
“Well, there’s the whole issue of the head gear not going with any outfit and of course the Slayer knowing his real voice and…”
 
“Shut up!” Warren was severely pissed. It would work, it was still his great plan and therefore it simply had to. There was no reason why it shouldn’t, unless one took his fellow Super Villains into consideration. While they seemingly remained blissfully unaware of their own incompetence, it had become even clearer to Warren. They needed his help, cried out for his leadership and that was what he would give them. I mean they wanted it, right? Besides, as he always tried to make clear to them, he was the leader and it was his great brain that came up with all those clever plans and if they all failed, hey, he could always put the blame on them.
 
“This is going to work and we are going to make it work, understood?” Warren emphasized once more and rolled with his eyes inwardly.
 
“Yes, but Warren…”

”No buts, people.” Warren sighed heavily. “It will work and we’re testing it right away to prove to you that it works, alright? And who knows, maybe we’ll create a new fashion statement.”
 
They all looked closer at the mute vampire in the middle of the room in his totally black attire and the flashy head-gear on him. It was a good thing that he already had been clothed except for his duster, but that was something they had managed to improvise by using one of Warren’s jackets. There was a dreamy smile on Andrew’s face and a rather impatient one on Jonathan’s due to his not-yet-seeing his Trek marathon and of course the proud impression of a true genius on Warren’s. But enough bathing in their admiration of his technical work, he wanted them truly pandering to his genius again.
 
“Alright, we’re going out. Move it people.”
 
***
 
It was one of those typical Sunnydale late evenings or rather nights. All the brave citizens of Sunnyhell, as it was known to some of its inhabitants were at home or out to party. The first group was the cleverer ones, knowing that inside their houses they were safe from at least one type of nightcrawler. The second one was the not so intelligent variant or it could be that they were the more adventurous group of Sunnydales citizens, the ones who still hadn’t returned from their trip down that river in Egypt, despite having seen what went on in sunny SunnyD.
 
On second glance though, it wasn’t that typical a night, even for Sunnydale standards because the Trio were roaming the streets of the small Californian town. Granted you couldn’t describe the casual strolling along from Warren and the frantic tries of Jonathan and Andrew to get at least one shot at playing with the remote control exactly roaming, but you got the meaning of it, right?
 
The object of everyone’s interest was walking a bit ahead of them, completely controlled by the remote control in Warren’s hand. He looked a bit pale, more so under the moonlight and it couldn’t be said that this look was all that healthy, not even for a guy whose last sunbath was a hundred and something years ago and not even then since it wasn’t in fashion to have a tan. The one brief encounter with the sunshine from two years ago didn’t count anyways.
 
Spike was wearing his trademark black clothing and a leather jacket from Warren that hung a bit loose on his lean frame. It also made his skin tone look even whiter than usual and the shadows around his eyes added to the unhealthy deader-than-usual look. Warren had decided to hide the mike and the headgear under a baseball cap which somehow made the vampire look hilarious, but couldn’t be helped. It also served to obscure his dead eyes rather successfully and the fact that his lips didn’t move when he spoke, but the funny look wasn’t something that concerned Warren that much right now, he just had wanted to test the microphone and the headgear in public before he went on the next stage of the plan with the Slayer. It was going to be a success; it just had to and maybe if he repeated that part of it often enough, maybe the other two thirds of the Trio would finally believe in his genius as well. As if on cue, the first potential victim walked up on them.
 
Warren pushed the other two even further back so that the unsuspecting citizen wouldn’t notice him talking into the headset on his own head.
 
Mary Sue had been walking down the street, thinking of nothing much other than her evening or how she wanted to spend it. She had been so deep in thought she hadn’t even noticed that gorgeous hunk of a man coming towards her, which itself was something unbelievable. She’d never missed checking out a guy like that. Not when he had those sexy cheekbones. He did look a bit on the pale side, but she’d seen her fair share of those running around in Sunnydale, so she didn’t worry much about that, it was normal for the town, wasn’t it?
 
When he stopped right in front of her, Mary Sue felt her heartbeat speeding up. That fine piece of a man was going to talk to her, take her out for a date and then they’d end up preventing the end of the world with her superpowers that she hadn’t even known she had until then, she would save the day and his bacon that way and afterwards they would make out again. Mary Sue sighed dreamily at that thought, her perfect fantasy only one tiny step away from coming true when a slight screeching noise brought her out of her reverie.
 
“I’m sorry I didn’t hear you.” Mary Sue rushed to say. She didn’t want to have it look like she had been ogling the salty goodness standing in front of her.
 
“Maybe you…screech…go….screech…with me?” came the strained voice from the stranger, sounding a bit metallic and off. Mary Sue thought about that, still nearly drooling all over the guy.
 
“Don’t tell me you’re one of those guys with a funny speech impediment, ‘cause that would be bad. But on the bright side, your body doesn’t look that bad.” She still almost undressed him with her eyes. Around the corner Warren was frantically trying to work out the little kinks that disrupted the transmission of what he was saying through his microphone to the speaker that Spike wore as part of the headgear.
 
“No, wait, now I get it. You’re just controlled by some guys that want to have some fun and aren’t really in there, you know?” Mary Sue concluded then, waving a finger at his head. “And all of this is just the master plan of someone out for the Slayer and you can do nothing to help her. Instead you’re trapped somewhere where you can’t escape on your own… unless she and her friends will find a way to reverse what they did and then you can go back to your girlfriend. Ah well, I should have known it. It was just too good to be true. But you really should eat something, you don’t look that good.”
 
And with that Mary Sue left him standing there and three Nerds around the corner with their mouths agape.
 
“What was that?? And how the hell did she know about our plan??”
 
***
meanwhile earlier present day
 
Somewhere across the ocean Rupert Giles was currently sitting at the airport and waiting to be allowed to board the plane. He had started polishing his glasses again though it wasn’t as if they hadn’t been cleaner than clean before he began with this cleaning spree. Said glasses had been cleaned already a hundred times or so during the past hours. That cleaning session probably had been the most thorough his glasses had ever seen. Giles sighed, thinking of the conversation he’d had with Travers and just like all the previous ones it hadn’t been pleasant. In fact, despite the topic they’d discussed, Giles still had to fight the strong urge to just strangle the older man towards the end. Come to think of it, he still wanted to do that.
 
He polished his glasses even more furiously now and it didn’t help the matter that all the newspapers had almost identical headlines to them, praising the new shooting star in the music business and all the larger record companies still claimed to have that talent under contract, the smaller ones as well, despite everyone knowing that it was a bootleg tape and that neither the performer nor anyone else involved with the song had come out into the open yet. But that would be only a matter of time; that was the one thing everyone again agreed on.
 
Giles sighed heavily again, putting his glasses back on his nose when he noticed someone sit down in the seat next to him. A young man probably in his thirties had made himself comfortable; apparently he too was waiting for the plane to arrive. The newcomer was grinning broadly, holding a newspaper in his hands that sported the ever present headline and looked way too cheery for Giles’ comfort, especially after the talk he’d had earlier with Travers. The highlights of that talk still kept repeating themselves in his mind about what a bang up job he’d done as Watcher, allowing his Slayer not only to ‘fraternize with civilians’, as Travers had put so nicely, but also have ‘highly inappropriate relations with a vampire, for the second time now!!’. Giles really had wanted to tell him where he could put his suggestions on how to bring the Slayer back to her true calling but then remembered that there might very well be the stick in the way that hadn’t seen any daylight since the Council head was in diapers. With Quentin Travers one never knew.
 
As if on cue, the newcomer started humming the dreadful melody that had haunted Giles from the moment when he’d seen the report and Giles had to fight down another urge – to strangle that man. If only he would stop, before…
 
“I’m sorry.” The man suddenly addressed him. He probably had seen the pained expression on Giles’ face or something. “I can’t help it, but ever since I’ve listened to that song, I can’t get it out of my mind.”
 
“Believe me, I know what you mean.” Giles told the other one wearily.
 
“Really?” Now he seemed to be overly enthusiastic. “I’m so mad that I missed the video when they aired it, I only go to see it from the reports about it. A friend of mine saw it when it premiered and he’s had this great idea of selling t-shirts about that. ‘I was there, when it first aired.’ That’s what he wants to put on them. Have you seen the video yet?”
 
“More than I’ve wanted to.”
 
***
back to the night before
 
“Alright, now it should be working perfectly.” Warren announced finally after he’d spent the past couple of minutes figuring out what kinks the head gear now had. It should have been in perfect working order, it had been his design after all but it hadn’t been and that was something that pissed Warren severely off. Now they just needed to test it again on the next unsuspecting victim.
 
Once again, the three Nerds fell back a bit to leave their test subject alone, waiting for him to be approached by someone. Somehow it never occurred to them that they just could’ve done the whole testing part by themselves. And as if on cue, someone else was coming right towards the remote-controlled vampire.
 
***
 
When June had decided to go out for a walk that night, she didn’t expect something interesting to happen. Not that anyone else would’ve expected that when stepping out of the house. One just went out of the damn house to get some fresh air or whatever. Tonight was one of those nights for June, she really needed to go out and clear her head. June was so lost in her thoughts that she almost ran into the person that had the pleasure of walking along the same way she did. On that side note, it was a miracle she hadn’t ran into some more people with her eyes cast down all the way from the moment she’d crossed the threshold of her home.
 
“Oh, I’m so terribly sorry.” She frantically apologized before even getting a glimpse at the man she’d ran into. “Are you alright? It’s my fault, I should have paid more attention to where I was going.”
 
“Yeah that’s right, you could’ve messed up with the head gear!” came the reply from the man, sounding a little bit off but otherwise perfectly clear.
 
“What?” Now June was baffled. Here she was apologizing for nearly running the guy over and he’d snapped at her! And what was that part with the head gear??? “Excuse me, but I apologized. No need to get all snippy!”
 
***
 
Around the corner Jonathan and Andrew looked up at their proclaimed leader Warren with similarly shocked expressions.
 
“She heard you!!”
 
“Yeah, no big deal. She’ll forget about that.” Warren said smugly, tightening his hold on the remote and microphone he was holding. “Now watch and learn, kiddies.”
 
***
 
“Ah, sorry. My mouth was running ahead of me.” The stranger in front of June told her sweetly.
 
“Whatever you say.” June wasn’t completely convinced but then she went for the closer look at the guy and nearly started drooling. “It’s alright, I don’t mind. I…uh…I was just on my way out…” Damn, he was really good looking, June mused silently. The only thing was the annoying cap and the headgear, hopefully he didn’t hide something underneath it. But those cheekbones… “…uh out, yeah so maybe you’ll want to go with me.”
 
The man just continued to stare at her, his head making slightly jerky movements at times during her small rant but he remained silent. Also his hands were twitching a bit, but maybe he was just nervous, or shy. And June remained blissfully unaware of the power struggle that happened around the corner.
***
 
“Gimme that!!” Andrew whined, trying to fend off Jonathan who was jumping up to get his hands on the remote Warren was holding just out of reach, for both of them unfortunately. “I want to play with him too!!”
 
“I so didn’t need that mental image right now.” Warren sighed. “There won’t be any playing of any kind with him. I am in control and you’ll keep your hands off him…err the remote.”
 
“But you’re having all the fun for yourself!” Jonathan protested, still desperately reaching for the remote. “It’s not fair! We want to have the controls as well.”
 
“But I’m the brains in this operation, kiddies.” Warren reminded them once more. “So I get the privilege of first action.” And second and third and so on but they didn’t need to know that. Leadership was hard work. It required being constantly on guard and having a lot of patience, especially with this crew. But like he always kept saying to himself, and probably already had more than a few hundred times over the past few days, competent personnel were so hard to find. He sighed deeply again.
 
***
 
“…so I was thinking maybe you could join me for a drink at the Bronze.” June finished, a bit shocked at her bold advance. It had been a while since she’d asked someone out and even longer since she’d been asked. Tonight would be different because this was going to be good.
 
“What about the Bronze?” The gorgeous man asked her and June had the suspicious feeling that he hadn’t even paid any attention to what she was talking about. She had just opened her mouth to say something else when he started talking again.
 
“Oh, you know, the Bronze, the only club worth going to.” He said, the voice sounding a bit differently than before. Also a bit more whiney.
 
“Yeah, the club in the bad part of town, ‘bout half a block from the good part of town.” A third speaker chimed in, all the words coming from the man standing in front of June. On her behalf, she started to become extremely confused. Why did all the good looking men have to be either taken or talked in riddles?
 
“I know that, dimwit!” The man said in the voice she’d thought belonged to him “I’ve been there before. Hell, we’ve been there before not that long ago. But it wouldn’t be that good for the plan if we showed up at the Bronze with him again.”
“Uh, maybe another time then.” June slowly started backing away from the man who had started getting into a serious argument with himself, all the time gesturing wildly with his hands. “It was nice bumping into you.”
 
With that June dashed away and left the three Nerds wondering.
 
“You had your finger on the transmit button again, Warren.”
 
***
 
on the flight that would bring Giles back to Sunnydale, present day
 
“This is going to be a long flight.” Rupert Giles thought immediately when he noticed his seat neighbour. It just had to be the man from the airport waiting room and Giles was pretty much sure that someone above must really hate him.
 
“What a pleasant surprise meeting you again.” The guy beamed at him when Giles had settled down in his place, fiddling with his carry-on and finally succeeding in stashing it away in the small compartment over the seats.
 
“Believe me, the pleasure is all yours.” Giles mumbled and then plopped down into his seat to make himself comfortable for the flight. Or as comfortable as one could get having that person sitting next to him. For most of the time from then on Giles had managed to ignore the guy who had introduced himself as – surprise – Guy something. Giles didn’t listen that closely to whatever he was blabbering about, only nodding and making agreeing noises at appropriate intervals. He was still desperately hoping the guy would shut up eventually but that hope was fading the closer they got towards L.A.
 
At one point, Guy had gone to the bathroom so Giles had seized his chance of getting rid of him and put on the headphones for the on-board entertainment. It had been his plan to have the headphones on by the time Guy returned so that he would leave him alone but unfortunately there wasn’t that much to choose from. That left Giles with the tough decision to either listen to “True Reflections” from the Dave Matthews Band or Guy. By the time Guy returned from his little trip, Giles still had the headphones on but the music had stopped a while ago after the tenth repeat of the song. Apparently the fact of him wearing said headphones didn’t pose any hindrance to Guy as he continued talking to him.
 
“Oh, you’ve found the on-board entertainment.” He said enthusiastically. “I wonder if they have the song here, you know the one everybody’s talking about.”
 
“God I hope not!” Giles muttered miserably. The damnable song and its video seemed to be following him wherever he went. Of course, it had been the reason for him to leaving his home and going back to Sunnydale in the first place but that didn’t matter now. Realizing his efforts to shut out Guy were as futile as they could get, he put the headphones down again. In doing so he noticed one of the flight attendants looking rather suspiciously towards the cockpit. Giles also noticed the amount of different other female flight attendants to go there and leave with something that could be described as a really satisfied smile plastered on their faces. On second thoughts, Giles didn’t want to know what that was supposed to mean other than hopefully the pilot would keep his hands on the controls.
 
“I think I’m gonna burn that song.” Guy said suddenly and Giles looked at him.
 
“Ah, yes, that would be the appropriate thing to do with the thing.” Giles agreed heartily. Maybe he had misjudged the man. Maybe he had some common sense after all.
 
“If you want, you can give me your address and I can send you a copy of the burned CD as well. That friend of mine has taped it and made himself the mp3 file.” Guy was practically bouncing in his chair. “He can make me a second CD for you. It’ll get a great place in my collection at home, right next to my Shatner CD. Hey, by the way you seem to have a great voice as well. Maybe you should make a CD, that one can go there as well.”

Giles groaned loudly.
 
“Are you alright?” Guy asked him, looking at Giles rather suspiciously. “You’ve been doing that a lot now. Maybe the flight attendant should bring you something for the pain.”
 
***
 
A couple of hours later, the plane neared its destination and the Captain leaned back in his chair. He’d sent his co-pilot out to fetch one of the girls so she would get him something to drink again and then prepared for the landing.
 
“Alright, everything’s clear and we’re ready for landing in Los Angeles.” he drawled and waited for the tower in L.A. to answer. “Alright, we’re coming down. Over and out.”
 
Giles watched fascinated as the one female flight attendant made her way towards the cockpit. He took advantage of the last chance to use the facilities before the plane set down. Maybe he really shouldn’t have drunk that last coffee. So he had a clear view towards the cockpit and all that happened inside. And after he heard something about a “Mile High Woohoo drink” that the Captain wanted the woman to make for him Giles resorted once more to his usual habit of cleaning his glasses. Unfortunately that only prevented him from seeing things he didn’t want to, it did nothing for his hearing though.
 
And he still had no idea what kind of drink that might be.
 
***
 
and back once more again in Sunnydale the previous night, the Nerds have yet to make one successful test of their equipment
 
It had been dark when they arrived in Sunnydale but the way they figured it, it would be worth the long trip. Billy was steering the car through the streets of Sunnydale and he looked really pleased with himself. There had been a couple of rough moments when they’d started their little road trip and he couldn’t get the car going smoothly but now everything was perfect. Billy grinned inwardly at the pained expression on Lenny’s face when he had managed to kill the machine every couple of metres back at their house. Lenny had told him he had to become one with the car to drive it successfully and his grin had nearly split his face then. After that Billy just had to steer the car through a lot of potholes on his way to Sunnydale, returning the advice with an evil grin of his own to his friend.
 
Their reason for the little trip to this lovely town had been a fairly simple one. They had recognized some of the locations in that music video and were doing a little sight seeing. Also maybe they would catch a glimpse of the rising star of the music heaven, Spikey X. And if not, that left the gorgeous girl he appeared with in the video. They just had to be somewhere around here.
 
“There, I’ll slow down a bit!” Billy told his friend. “I think I saw her going into one of these houses.”
 
“You sure?” Lenny asked him sceptically, having heard that particular comment about three times before.
 
“Yeah, she was blonde and hot, so it had to be her.”
 
“That would be the logical assumption.” Lenny agreed with him. Then he frowned. “Which house did she go in?”
 
They currently were driving through Revello Drive past all those lovely houses that looked almost the same to him.
 
“Dunno, maybe it was 1630 or 1680.” Billy said, trying to get a better look at the nearly identical looking homes.
 
“Maybe you shouldn’t have pawned your glasses.” Lenny told him sourly. They had been a gift to his friend after all.
 
“Yeah, but we needed the money for our transportation.” Billy returned, grinning widely. “And don’t worry about the glasses, I know you gave them to me as a present. The great thing is, you get to give them to me all over again. Now quite whining ‘bout them and start looking for the girl.”
 
“Huh?”
 
***
 
Warren was getting rather impatient with the other two, really quickly at that. They kept whining that they wanted to control the vampire as well and he could do only so much to fend them off. But hadn’t it been his idea and his technological expertise that had brought them so far and allowed them to gain control over the vampire? And shouldn’t they be grateful for his genius and worship him for that? But no, all they did was whine and get on his nerves because of such trivial things like wanting to control the vampire or that the headgear looked too large. Also they had started criticising him for losing the vampire in the television. So far, Warren had managed to get them off that track, but the longer it took to manage a successful test of the device that would allow the vampire to talk and start the final phase of his great plan, the bigger the chance of them getting back to thinking about that little glitch in his plan. Warren still had no idea how the vampire had ended up inside the television or how he was able to escape from there but he wouldn’t tell them that.
 
Also, they kept constantly reminding him of how sickly the vampire looked under the streetlights. But didn’t everyone look like the walking dead underneath those lights, really?
 
At the end of the street they saw a car parking and some people getting out, stretching their limbs, which were obviously numb from a long drive. That would be the perfect situation to test the electronics again.
 
***
 
“You just had to drive here like a madman, didn’t you?” Cordelia moaned. The migraines she’d got when she first inherited the visions were nothing compared to the ones from Angel’s driving. Over the last few miles it had gotten even worse and she’d feared for her life. Angel might survive any crash that would end with the car wrapped neatly around any tree unfortunate enough to stand in the way but she wouldn’t be so lucky. But with her line to the Powers maybe they’d grant her wish to come back and kick his butt for it, repeatedly.
 
The others didn’t look so great either, even Gunn was starting to look pale and that really had to mean something. They had decided to stop for a quick break because Connor had started to wake up and wail miserably. But that could also have had something to do with the fact that Angel thought he had seen someone familiar and stepped on the brakes with all his might.
 
It had turned out not to be anyone he knew but it had given them a short break before Angel resumed driving; thankfully not for much longer, since they already were in Sunnydale and only needed to get to Buffy’s house.
 
During the drive towards Sunnydale they all had silently agreed that it would be daytime when they returned to L.A. or came to visit Buffy, if ever.
 
A bit further down the street where they had stopped so abruptly before, they saw a couple of guys making their way towards them. Cordelia thought she recognized at least one of them from her time in Sunnydale, back when she was still in high school but then dismissed the thought real quickly. There was no way she would know one of those losers wearing a shirt with a former Borg printed on in a really tight suit, not that she ever dated one of mentioned guys who’d had the whole Babylon 5 collectors plates set in their basement.
 
Angel thought that one of them seemed familiar somehow, too. But it wasn’t the small one with the shirt or the other one with the pained expression on his face because of the fact that the smaller one was pestering him with annoying questions in a sort of whiney voice. No, it was the one the third guy was making moon eyes at, the one walking in front of them with the baseball cap drawn down his face so he wouldn’t be easily recognizable. Something about him made Angel extremely suspicious and he started walking slowly towards them. He could faintly hear them talking.
 
***
 
“Warren, we want to have the control at least once.” Jonathan lamented in that whiney voice of his and Andrew joined in, talking about how unfair it was that Warren had all the fun for himself and didn’t let them play. And they now had gone that exact way for the past 30 minutes or so. Warren had lost track of it some time ago. They were just walking along that street, the vampire a few steps ahead and the other two following behind Warren just like they were supposed to. No… wait, they weren’t and Warren felt a hand reaching out for the remote again from below him.
 
Warren soon found himself busy fighting Jonathan off as he tried once again to get control of the remote, nearly begging him for this shot at testing the vampire’s gear over and over again. Of course it wasn’t that hard to fight Jonathan off, he just had to hold the remote at head-level which was way above the shorter man’s reach.
Andrew had returned to just staring at the vampire and admiring his handiwork with the make-up. Suddenly, Jonathan noticed that someone from that group at the corner was coming towards him while the rest of them remained there next to the car and he tugged at Warren’s sleeve.
 
“Warren, one of them is coming here.” he told their fearless leader. Warren, of course, had already noticed.
 
“I saw that.” Warren hissed rather annoyed. “And we were going to test the equipment on him; that was the plan in case you forgot.” In his mind, the colourful expressions for idiot and similar descriptions that he had for the short one came forward again.
 
“We can’t do that, we have to get away.” Jonathan suddenly sounded very frightened.
 
“What?” Warren snapped, turning to face Jonathan. “Are you out of your mind?? We wanted to test the gear and that guy is perfect for it. Why would we do such a stupid thing and leave now?”
 
“B-because that is Buffy’s boyfriend.” Jonathan told him, his voice still wavering a bit. Warren rolled his eyes, clearly impatient.
 
“But I thought he was Buffy’s boyfriend.” Warren pointed towards the mute vampire in front of them. At least they looked very touchy-feely in the crypt when they’d first tried out the controls for the vampire and she hadn’t minded that at all.
 
“No, the other one.” Jonathan was now really nervous.
 
“She has two?” Andrew was a bit confused. He hadn’t been really paying attention to his fellow Nerds because he’d spent the time ogling the vampire but that prospect intrigued him if he was honest.
 
“No, she only has one from my information.” Warren stated but now he could see the predatory gleam in the eyes of the guy who was making progress in closing the distance between them. “But we could postpone this test. Let’s go! Move it people!”
 
***
Angel saw them retreating rather hastily and wondered about that. Some bits of their discussion had sounded confusing and he had no idea what they had been talking about in the first place but them hightailing out of there was suspicious. He debated for a moment about following them, but decided against it. Maybe he just had mistaken one of them for someone he once knew and with his longer lifespan that could be a lot of people. Still, for a moment he had looked a hell lot like Spike. Except that the vampire would never wear a jacket that looked similar to one of Angel’s own. He shook his head and slowly walked back to his crew who all looked at him, really confused.
 
“What was that all about?” Lorne asked him and the others were eyeing him suspiciously.
 
“I just thought I’d recognized someone I know.” Angel defended himself.
 
“Aha, so that’s why we almost took flying lessons through the window or the front seat earlier?” Cordy asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “He thought he recognized someone. You go from 100 mph to stop in like zero seconds because you saw someone you might know and couldn’t talk to Buffy on the phone about the video?”
 
“Yes, that’s all.” Angel stated. His confidence was wavering a bit though. He knew that look Cordy was giving him all too well. “Besides you all were buckled in, at least I hope you were, ‘cause if not, that’s setting a bad example for my son. And hey, no big deal, I really don’t see why this is so important to anything and why you’re all acting like that.”
 
“Well, we are characters in a fan fiction so we can’t just pretend to not be aware of that fact. We just have to act a bit out of character at times. It’s mandatory.” Wesley told him. “Why don’t we forget about you thinking you recognized someone whom you’ve obviously never met before and get to Buffy as soon as possible. And arriving there in one piece is heartily appreciated.”
 
“Okay, okay.” Angel raised his hands in surrender. “Besides I really need to talk to her.”
 
“Right, before or after you beat the crap out of that Spike guy?” Gunn wanted to know.
 
“I think I’ll leave the therapeutic beating for later.”
 
***
 
finally present day in the Summers’ home
 
“So you knew where these geeks are the whole time and didn’t say anything.” Buffy said accusingly, clutching the small stuffed pig in her hands more tightly. It was a good thing that Spike didn’t need to breathe, whether in his own body or inside the fluffy pink animal. Otherwise he’d have been in serious need of oxygen during Angel’s speech. He wished so much to be there for Buffy, to give her comfort and even more urgently to give Angel the butt-kicking he deserved for keeping that from her. Not to mention the kid and probably a whole lot more Spike was just dying to find out. At least he could be sure that she was comforted by his presence alone, even if he was extremely fluffy and pink right now.
 
“But I didn’t know it was important.” Angel found himself in the situation of having to defend himself again. Then he frowned. “I knew I recognized one of them. It must have been Spike! See, we had that emergency stop for a perfectly good reason.”
 
The others from Angel’s crew just rolled their eyes
 
“And now we know where they are and where they took him.” Buffy said, smiling genuinely for the first time since Angel had told her about his real reason for the visit. She stood up and held Mr. Gordo/Spike in one hand, the other one on her hips.
 
“So what are we going to do now?” Willow asked her, already knowing what the answer would be.
 
“Now, we are going to get Spike back of course.” Buffy announced proudly. “The Scoobies are going to strike back.”

to be continued...

Author's note: The scene at the plane concerning the flight attendant, the captain and the drink is courtesy of Ted Raimi, it's from a little scene he wrote (his words) and performed on a Convention with Alexandra Tydings. I cut the scene short since it didn't fit completely with the rest of the story (also I can't remember the complete thing) The rest of the funnies in here are to be blamed on me.
next on Spike’s brain: The Scoobies and the Fang Gang are saddling up for some action as they head out for the Nerds. Will they find them in time and get Spike back to his own body, is the process even reversible or will he remain stuck forever being fluffy and pink?