What Now? by Pari
Summary: Spike comforts Buffy after her mother's death
Categories: General Fics Characters: None
Genres: Angst
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Completed: No Word count: 5217 Read: 13537 Published: 05/11/2003 Updated: 08/30/2009

1. What Now? by Pari

2. And Then? by Pari

3. And...What? by Pari

What Now? by Pari
Author's Notes:
blah, blah, blah....
I sit here, waiting, hoping. Why, It doesn’t change a damn thing, she’s gone. “Mommy.” I look to the others, all gathered around to give me support, but I can see from their tears and eyes, that they need me more than I need them right now. And Dawn, oh Dawn, I feel sorry for you the most. First you discover that you’re not who thought you were, not even human, really, now this. God why? I don’t understand. My tears start again actually they never stopped. And I cry now not out of sorrow, though that is part of it, but mostly it’s fear. What am I suppose to do now that I alone. There’s Dawn but for how long? Until Glory figures out what she is, or until the time comes for her to save the world, what then? Oh I know that Giles and the gang will always be there, but It’s not the same thing, and it will never be the same again. Never.
“Buffy?” Xander called out to her now with a gentle shake to bring her back from the sorrowful place she was obviously lost in. She looks up at him, blinking, with vagueness in her eyes, totally void of what was going on around her. “Anya and I, we’re going to take Dawn home with us tonight, if that’s Ok. And you should come too.” She shook her head.

“Dawn should definitely go, but I can’t leave her.” Buffy said, watching her mother’s form on the couch, as her tears plopped against her arms, as they clutched her in a tight embrace.

“I really don’t think.” Giles began only to have Buffy cut him off.

“I’m not leaving.” She snapped then softened. She knew they were only trying to help. “At least not until I find out what happened, Ok?” they all just nodded and moved to leave, each giving Buffy a hug and kiss on their way out. She slid against the wall until she crumbled to the floor. Sitting there she watched the homicide detectives paw over her mother, then the paramedics, now the Coroner. It still didn’t seem real to her, she expected at any moment for her mom to get up and inquire about all the people in the house. “Buffy, young lady I hope you’re not throwing a party.” She would say. Buffy smiled at the thought.

“Miss, you can’t be here right now. This is a crime scene.” A female detective said to her, crouching beside her.

“So, you think my mom was murdered?” Buffy asked, jumping to her feet.

“We don’t know, and we won’t know anything for sure until we get the autopsy report, but we have to treat it as such. That means that you can’t be here. You might unintentionally damage evidence.” Buffy understood but she didn’t want to leave her mom. As if sensing her thoughts the detective embraced her shoulders. “Sweetie there’s nothing more you can do for her. She’s in God’s care now. Do you have somewhere you can stay?” Buffy nodded her head. “Well, do you need a ride?” There was a shake of the head to that. She sluggishly made her way to the door, but before leaving out she looked back one more time, again waiting for her mother to get up, then she left walking aimlessly down the street.

Chapter 2:
She felt numb, and her mind reeled with thoughts. Her heart had yet to understand what her head already knew; her mom was dead and she was never coming back. He had been approaching from the opposite direction, lost in his own thoughts and lost causes. With his head downcast, he hadn’t noticed her until she had slammed into him. “Bloody watch where you’re going, mate.” He growled as he looked up, but then instantly regretted the remark upon seeing Buffy standing before him. “Oh, Buffy I’m sorry, I didn’t see you…” He bumbled, stuttering for words. “I want to you to know I wasn’t following you or anything, I mean you and your friends have made it quite clear that I’m not welcome.” He began, and then took note of the look on her face and the fact that she was paying him little to no attention. She opened her mouth as if to speak but the words wouldn’t come, but the tears did however. “What’s the matter Slayer?” He asked in his bad boy way. He had always hated for her to cry, he didn’t know what he was suppose to do or how he should act. She stumbled over her words as if they were trying to claw their way out of her throat.

“My mom…” Buffy cried softly.

“What about your mum, is she sick again?” Spike asked genuinely concerned, over the past few months he had grown to like Joyce Summers and her cocoa with marshmallows. The truth was Joyce reminded him of his own mother, or at least what he would have like his mother to be like.

“She’s dead.” Buffy said blankly, and then looked down at the pavement. Spike’s jaw dropped and the clenched tightly closed. Now he really didn’t know what he was suppose to do. He watched her and could see how fragile she was. She in that moment, reminded him of one of the dolls Dru use to drag around. They stood there for what seemed like eons, but were merely seconds. He watched her intensely wanting to swallow her into his arms, shielding her from the pain he could see in her eyes. She began to tremble, gently at first, and then more violently as if she were having a seizure. Spike instinctively grabbed her and clutched her to his chest, bracing them both from the rage, which was about to emerge from her. “Ahhhhhhhhh!” She screamed as if the loss finally hit her. Spike tightened his grip.

“That’s it let it out, luv.” He said as he looked up into the sky, his own tears falling from his eyes now. They just stood there with her screaming and crying, while he faced the fury in her cries and screams head on. After nearly thirty minutes of this, Buffy’s screams became moans, her tears mere sniffles. She had thrown all her weight against Spike and he welcomingly took it. In one swift motion, Spike scooped her up into his arms, and headed back down the street. The slayer didn’t protest nor struggle, but snuggled closer into the comfort that was Spike.

They walked silently, neither questioning the other’s next move, neither really caring. Spike for his part; only want to get Buffy someplace warm and comfortable, where she could rest. Buffy just wanted it all to be a dream, and any second she’s awaken. Spike steps had taken them to his crypt, he moved them inside and below to his bedroom, and Buffy never protested not even when he placed her on his bed, and began removing her shoes. Spike pulled back the clean cotton soft sheets on his bed, and put Buffy beneath them, she welcomely laid back against them, and Spike tucked her in. She now lay there watching him, for the first time her eyes actually seemed focused on her surrounding, as they locked onto Spike every movement. Spike finally settled into a nearby chair, which he had pulled closer to the bed, but not too close that his presence would feel threatening. Theirs eyes now locked to one another’s.

“How are you feeling?” Spike asked still not knowing what it was he was suppose to do.

“Numb.” Spike understandably nodded his head.

“It’ll a pass and the hurt will diminish in time. You’ll go on, you have to for Lil’ Bit.” Buffy closed her eyes tightly to the thought of a life without her mom.

“I just wish…”

“You wish she was here to comfort you, cause she’d know what to do.” Spike said with a small smile. “I know I felt the same when my own Mum died.” Buffy gave him a baffled look, quite taken aback by his statement. “Yeah I did have a Mum, once and two sisters, Emily and Justine, and a older brother Miles.”

“How did she died, your mom?” Buffy asked as she snuggled closer to the pillows.

“Shortly after giving birth to my little sis, Emmy. She basically bled to death, back then there wasn’t really anything they could do, and nothing we could do except watch her slowly slip away.” Spike said with a far off look, as if he were reliving it over again.

“God that must have been terrible.” Buffy said in a near whisper.

“No worst then what you’re going through now, but it will get better. You’ll never forget, I haven’t been able to and it’s been 135 years for me, but you’ll reach a point, when you think about her, you won’t cry but smile from remembering all the good and wonderful things she did or said. And with your Mum, you’ll be smiling a lot, she was a good woman, your mum was. Always real decent to me, even when no one else was, even when I didn’t really deserve it.” Buffy smiled at that.

“Yeah, she did like you for some strange reason, but she never cared for Angel at all.”

“Well, Joyce had taste.” Spike said smiling, as did Buffy, but it soon faded into a frown as her tears came again.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” She whined as Spike stood and moved to her. “I don’t want to be doing this.”

“Shhhh…” Spike whispered as he now held her stroking her hair. “It’s alright love, it’s alright.”

“No it’s not, it’ll never be alright, and Dawn..Oh god what do I say to Dawn? She’s already at a rough time of it.”

“So have you. You have endured in your short lifetime, more pain then any one person should have to. It’s ok to allow yourself a good cry. To have someone take care of you for once.”

“But I’m the slayer, I have to be strong for them.”

“And you’re just a girl.” Spike stated plainly. “With the weight of the world on her shoulders.” Buffy sniffled a little and wiped at her tears. “A girl who just lost her mummy.” Buffy lay quietly against his chest, as he continued to stroke her hair.

“But it will get better, this achy emptiness?” Buffy whispered as she closed her eyes, now welcoming the sleep that wished to consume her.

“Yeah, it will, I promise.” Spike whispered back. “I promise.”
And Then? by Pari
Author's Notes:
He knelt on the floor beside the bed, letting his head rest on the pillow next to her. He watched her and had been for several hours. His mind has been in turmoil since he had found her aimlessly wandering the streets of Sunnydale, since she had devastated him with the news that Joyce was gone. He had tried to comfort her as much as he could, but he honestly didn’t know what he was doing, he himself was trying to deal with it all. The void that filled him was like a lump in his throat that he couldn’t swallow down, a dull ache that he knew there was no remedy for, except maybe the passage of time. This is what he felt at the loss of Joyce, him a soulless vampire who had only had brief encounters with Joyce, but had received a kindness from her that had left a deep impression upon him, so much that he’d have gladly given his un-life to save her. He couldn’t began to fathom what she and ‘nibblet’ were going through, though he made a silent promise after she had drifted off to sleep that he would be there for them both, he’d look out for them and help them out anyway he could, for Joyce. He knew that’s all he could do for her now and so he would.

Her senses had awaken fully before the rest of her had and a panic had hit her head that there was a vampire nearby, that her life could possibly be in danger, yet she didn’t move, didn’t even open her eyes. Her heart didn’t care and her limbs didn’t care either and wouldn’t come to aid her if this vampire attacked her. After a few seconds her mind, having done a replay of the previous night’s events came crashing into the present, and reminding her of numbing fact that her mother was dead and that she was with Spike. And as if not believing what her mind was saying, her eyes opens as if to see for themselves the situation at hand. Her eyes locked onto vibrant blue ones, and then roamed the alabaster face that was only a few inches away from hers. Her lips instantly began to tremble and her face began to crumble, causing Spike to jump back in alarm as her frame began to shake with sobs. She balled up, curling her body up tighter as she hugged herself and wailed out the most agonizing noises Spike had ever heard, and he stepped back further from the bed finding his chair in the corner and sitting in it, as he watched her helplessly.

An hour had passed and her wails had turned to sobs, and then to sniffles and down to hiccups. She remained in the bed curled up as she stared off at the nearby wall just beside where Spike still sat and watched her in awe and longing, for he wanted nothing more than to hold her, to somehow make it better, but he knew that wasn’t possibly and so he opted to give her, her space. He frowned down at his hands, which he had been occupying by scraping off the fresh coat of black paint from his nails, that Dawn had just done for him. His mind racked with thoughts of what to do. A loud grumbling noise made him look up and right into the face that now silently stared at him. He sat frozen too afraid to move or speak, thankful that he didn’t need to breathe, it was the grumbling noise again that snapped him into motion as he hastily moved from his chair and towards the ladder leading up. She followed him with her eyes but made no move to follow him, had no energy to even think about moving from her comfortable spot in Spike’s king sized bed, with the surprisingly clean, crisp, white cotton sheets, and large abundance of pillows that seemed to swallow the bed up. With a deep sigh she closed her eyes again, seeking sleep but after twenty minutes, found it allusive and then impossible to grasp once the aromas of bacon and eggs filled her nostrils, and she quickly shot her eyes open and to Spike who was now carrying a tray towards her.

He moved to the bedside table sat down the tray, which held a plateful of cheese eggs, bacon, and French toast, with a container of Maple syrup, pitcher of Orange juice, and an full glass of OJ. Once he sat it down he moved back to his chair and sat down. She stared at the piping hot food that spewed out aromas that made her mouth literally water and her stomach to grumble even more loudly. As if it had a mind all its own her body moved, slowly sitting up. She reach out and grasped the tray, settling it across her lap.

“I can’t eat all of this,” She said with a shaky voice.

“It’s alright luv, just eat what you can.” Spike replied.

“Come eat some with me,” She said as if she hadn’t even heard him speak. He remained seated after her request, and didn’t move until she had looked up from the plate to where he sat, as if waiting for him to join her. So he stood and made is way to the bed and she scooted over more so he could sit next to her. She grabbed the fork and hungrily dug into the eggs, filling her mouth as she looked to Spike again, who knowing that she was wondering why he wasn’t digging in himself, and so he picked up a strip of bacon and began chopping. As if satisfied by his actions she mimicked them grabbing up a strip herself and gobbling it up, and then rinsing it down with a long gulp from her now full glass of orange juice, which she then passed to Spike. He sat staring stunned at the glass and then to her as she greedily pigged out on the food. He slowly moved the glass to his mouth not entirely sure that she was offering him some or expecting him to simply hold it for her. As the juice entered his mouth he felt her eyes on him and he quickly lowered the glass and swallowed the juice and another lump that had formed. She grabbed the glass back and took another gulp from it before handing it back to him, and then moving back to her food. Spike couldn’t help but to smile at the gesture, as he held the glass, nearly caressing it to his chest. After several moments where Spike sat watching and Buffy sat gorging herself, she fell back against the mountain of pillows and sighed heavily. Spike smiled at her but didn’t move to take the tray until after she had let out a very loud and unladylike belch, which she gave no apology for. With a chuckle Spike removed the tray setting it back upon the bedside table.

“You’re welcome pet,” He remarked to the belch. He looked back to where she sat now staring at her hands. Fearing he was invading her space Spike moved to stand from the bed, butt he firm grip of her hand on his bicep stilled him.

“I need to go…I have to…Dawn…the funeral arrangements,” She frowned deeply, but only for a split second at the last words. She then looked at Spike. “But could you…” She gulped down the rest of her words and tried to hold back the tears that were companying them, but they got away from her and spilled down her cheeks. Without hesitation Spike enveloped her in his arms and held on to her tightly as she clung to him and softly cried.

“For as long as you like luv.” He said softly.
And...What? by Pari
Author's Notes:
Its been awhile :)
He had been surprised when he descended the last step. He wasn’t sure what had him more baffled; the small frame curled up asleep in his bed, or the fact that he hadn’t sense her before. He stood and watched the sleeping girl for a moment more, before he silently move about the room putting away the items he had gone out to purchase.

It had been a week since he had last seen her, since he had held her in his arms and let her cry on his shoulders. He had been aware that she had visited his crypt several times during, but always when he was out, which he suspected she had done intentionally, and so he kept his distance. After putting the last item away he moved back to the ladder, meaning to leave her to rest but her soft voice stilled him.

“Don’t go,” She said and he stopped and slowly turned to face her. They both remained silent; him standing staring, as she still lay curled up in his bed. “This is your home, you don’t have to leave.” He didn’t know how to reply so he remained silent and she continued. “I hope you don’t mind, its just there’s nowhere else…” Her words died on her lips.

“I don’t mind luv, stay as long as you like. I’ll just be upstairs.” Spike said and then moved to leave again.

“No!” She said in a panicked voice as she bolted upright in the bed. “Spike, please stay.” She said in a lowered more calmer voice. Again her voice stilled him and he stood regarding her for a moment before he nodded, and then moved to the chair in the corner. They both sat silently watching the other’s every movement. “You were wrong,” Buffy finally said and Spike waited for her to continue, knowing she wasn’t finished. “It hasn’t gotten better.” She stated as the tears began to fall. “If anything its gotten worse; Dawn’s crushed and she’s been skipping school. She won’t even talk to me. My friends expect me to comfort them.” She said this with a chuckle. “Oh and then there’s the bills, mom’s hospital bills ate up all the savings so there’s nothing, and I still have to pay the mortgage this month. Did I mention that I don’t have a job? God, I don’t know how mom did it all.” Buffy finished and then buried her face in her hands as her sobs shook her body. Spike let out a deep sigh before he stood and cautiously move to the side of the bed.

“Buffy,” He called to her softly and kneeled at the bedside. “Buffy listen to me.” He coaxed this time he reached out a hand and cupped her face. She looked up at him and her crying quieted a bit. “Luv, it’s only been a couple of weeks with time it will get better, I promised remember?” He asked with a gentle smile and Buffy nodded as a slight smile played on her lips. “As for the Nibblet, she’s in a bad place right now also. It was her mum too whether it was biological or magical. For her it was real and so is the pain she’s feeling right now. All you can do is just be there for her whenever she’s ready to talk. Now, your friends are a different matter, if they can’t support ‘you’ in ‘your’ time of need, then they need to give you some space. Take the phone off the hook and don’t answer the door.”

“But what if they need…” Buffy began to protest only to have Spike cut her off.

“This is about what you need Buffy…you. And you don’t have to worry about patrolling, I’ve been doing that for you and will continue doing it for as long as you like.”

“So that’s why it’s been so dead around here, no pun intended.” Buffy said bringing a smile to Spike’s face.

“Thought I’d help by taking the stress of slaying off your back.”

“Thanks…thank you or everything. I’d never in a million years thought I’d be saying this and to you, but…I couldn’t have made it through this year without your help.”

“Well you just keep that to yourself. I do have a reputation you know.”

“Right,” Buffy said with a giggle. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your rep.” Her smile quickly morphed into a frown. “That takes care of everything except the bills.”

“Well,” Spike spoke nervously and when Buffy looked into his eyes he quickly cast them downward. “I’ve been working…There’s a new club out by the docks called Roxy’s. Well I’m one of the bouncers. Most of the clientele is of the demon persuasion, and…”

“Spike,” Buffy interrupted him. “I will not take money from you no matter how tempting the offer may be.” She said and saw the hurt in his eyes. “But I do appreciate the offer Spike I really do.”

“Well I didn’t think you’d accept money from me. Hello mortal enemy here.”

“Oh right, I forgot.” Buffy replied with a smile as she rolled her eyes.

“But I could use some more help. Pay’s really good I make about $500 a night which averages up to $2500 a week, all under the table and tax-free. I’m not saying you should make a career out of it, but it’ll help you get back on your feet, you know ‘til you can find something better. Way I see it you’ll finally get paid for beating up on demons.”

“That sounds great but what are the qualifications?”

“You’re the slayer, you’re over qualified luv. And the hours won’t interfere with your schooling, I only work 8 to 12, and we can patrol on the way to work too.”

“Wow, sounds like you’ve put some thought into it.”

“A bit, but if it’s not something you’re interested in then just forget I said anything.”

“No! I mean it sounds great…perfect in fact.”


“Yeah, thank you.”

“Good, you start tonight.” Spike threw out casually as he moved back to his bureau.

“Huh, don’t I have to do an interview or something?”

“Nope, you have a great reference, that being me. And since I’m in charge of hiring the security I’m hiring you, unless you don’t…”

“No! I mean yes…yes I’ll take it. Thank you Spike, thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome pet.”

“Wow you’re going to be a bouncer? Tara said as she, Willow, Anya, and Xander all sat in the Summer’s living room.

“Isn’t that kind of dangerous?” Willow asked in concern.

“Well, beating up on demons is kind of my calling remember, except now I’ll be making 500 tax-free buck a night doing it.”

“Whoa $500 a night, do they need anyone else?” Xander asked half joking.

“Sorry Xander, I don’t think Spike will hire you, he kind of hates you.” Buffy said and instantly regretted it as she noticed the stunned faces of two of her best friends.

“Spike, as in the evil dead? You’re working with Spike?” Xander asked, outraged.

“Yes Spike the guy I’ve been working with for over a year now, except now I’ll be getting paid.” Buffy replied defensively.

“You don’t seem to mind working with evil dead on patrols,” Dawn threw out at Xander as she entered from the kitchen. “And are you planning on giving us your paycheck to help with all of our bills?”

“No,” Anya, who had been sitting chatting with Tara, spoke out.

“Dawn’s right Spike has been fighting along side us for so long now, he’s practically an honorary Scooby.” Buffy stated.

“I’m so telling him you said that.” Dawn said with a smile and Buffy couldn’t help but smile as she thought of the express that would most likely appear on Spike’s face upon hearing that news.

“Spike’s offering me a way to make an honest living, and with enough money to pay the bills, and help put both Dawn and I through college. I’m not going to smite him for it nor will I allow any of you to. These past few weeks have been so hard…”

“Buffy we know…” Willow began only to be cut off by Buffy.

“No Will, you don’t, none of you do. Spike was right,” Buffy said mumbling the last part mainly to herself.

“Spike’s right? What? Is he your advisor now?” Xander quipped.

“No, just a friend who’s really been here for me.” Buffy spit back, leaving no doubt with the implication that ‘they’ had not been supportive friends. Her words silenced the room until she finally spoke again. “I love you guys…”

“We love you too,” Willow quickly interjected.

“I Know, but...and please don’t take this the wrong way, but right now I just need some time…by myself.” She watched her friends hopefully, praying they would understand, until Willow’s words made it clear that they didn’t.

“OK, we’ll go then and we’ll see you tomorrow.”

“No,” Dawn spoke up again. “She means don’t call us, we’ll call you.” It took another few seconds for the weight of Dawn’s words to register, and when they did, the others, save Tara and Anya, flinched back as if they had been slapped across the face.

“Oh…uhm…sure,” Willow stammered. “Just call if you need us…anytime ok?”

“Thanks Will,” Buffy said as she embraced the redhead.

“Night Dawnie,” Both Willow and Tara spoke as they moved to the door, as Xander and Anya followed.

“Yeah, see you around.” Xander threw out and Buffy gently grasped his arm to stop him.

“Xander, please understand.” Buffy pleaded and Xander seemed to soften a bit until Willow opened the door to leave, just as Spike was about to knock on it. At the sight of Spike Xander wrenched his arm away from Buffy.

“Oh I understand you don’t need us because you’ve got fang breath here.”

“Xander that’s not true I…”

“What, are you trying to hook up with another ‘soulless’ vamp, cause that ended so well last time, with Ms. Calendar dying.” Xander spat out venomously and the tears began to well up in Buffy’s eyes. Buffy couldn’t reply didn’t get the chance before Xander was yanked through the door by Spike, who was in full game face and growling.

“You son-of-a-bitch, you call yourself her friend? She just lost her mum and all you can do is make her feel like crap, all because she won’t chose you?” Spike’s demon guise faded. “Don’t you get it by now, it’ll never be you, you wanker. And did you ever stop to think that is not because there’s something wrong with Buffy? I bet it helps your ego to say that it’s all because Buffy’s got a sick fetish for vampires, dunit? Truth is she’s just not that into 'you', and fool that you are you can’t see how lucky you already are. You’ve got a beautiful bird who practically worships you, and God only knows why that is. Yet you constantly disrespect her with the school boy crush you’ve got on Buffy.” Spike then released Xander, shoving him back against the porch railing, and then turned to Anya. “You can do so much better luv, you deserve better.” Then without looking back at the other’s on the porch Spike entered the Summer’s residence, slamming the door behind him. He focused on the two girls still standing in the parlor with wide eyes and gaping mouths. “Sorry ‘bout that but…uff.” His words were cut off as both girls rushed him, pulling him into a tight embrace.
End Notes:
Just testing.
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