-Ok, this will probably sound completely weird, but I’m writing this while shuffling songs on my stereo and I’m going to write whatever pops into my head for each one, feedback would be cool, good or bad.- Also, all my stories usually end in favor of Spuffy, but some might end rather...not so sappy. Oh and some and maybe most will be short..-


1 - On What Pain Is

~I’ll wash my bloody hands and we’ll start a new life~
(Good Charlotte, Bloody Valentine)

Sometimes things are simple, too simple. Sometimes things are way to difficult. Then sometimes things get rough...way too rough. Not only had Spike hurt Buffy, but he lost every bit of trust that she may have had for him.

That night in the bathroom changed everything that they had ever had together. Which to the average person didn’t seem like a whole lot. To Spike, it was a relationship. To Buffy, it was just a meaningless affair caused by pain, loneliness, or just plain old lust. But he was a part of her. And always would be.

Unfortunately he couldn’t accept the fact that she didn’t love him and he had to make that clear to her. Of course attempting to rape her wasn’t exactly the smartest way to show her that.

Buffy hadn’t truly experienced pain until that night. Not that sort of emotional pain, sure she had felt it, but only to an extent of course. Spike changed that for her and rather quickly. Now, she had felt authentic physical and emotional pain all at the same time and for the same exact reason.

Their relationship would never be the same again. No matter what Spike would do, nothing could make up for the horrible clash that he’d caused. Nothing would ever take away the pain in Buffy’s heart.

Somehow she knew that he left before she went to his crypt. Something deep down just told her that he had left. Upon finding his jacket draped on the railing, she felt a twinge of regret. Regret for everything that she had ever done with that...that...monster.

Unfortunately for her, the end wasn’t even near for them. Many mixed signals and looks and words would be exchanged in the future, when the man that caused her so much would return, with a soul. Only to hurt her even more. But this time, not in a physical way, but by making her feel guilty for regretting that she had been with him. Because he was a changed man. A man that was constantly followed overhead, by a black cloud of pain.

In knowing Spike, Buffy learned a lesson, a lesson on what pain is.

2 - Competition

~Angels deserve to die~
(System of a Down)

What panged Spike the most wasn’t the fact that Buffy didn’t see him as much more than a thing, but it was the fact that he had to always try to better. Be better than her previous love affair with a certain vampire.

Angel wasn’t exactly the perfect adversary. Of course, It wasn’t as if Spike had a choice in the matter of who he had to compete with. He always had to act as if he were a gentleman. Act as if he had a soul when he did not. Act as if he were human.

Granted Angel wasn’t human, but he was damn well close to it with his bleedin’ soul and his romantic and mysterious ways. Never in his whole lifetime had Spike had to do something so difficult like loving a slayer who had already been loved.

Being honest with himself, if he had a choice, he would have never fallen deeply in love with Buffy. Then again, if he had a choice, he would kill Angel. Of course that was no way to win the slayers delicate heart.

So he would just deal. Let the lust work it’s will. Accept the fact that he could never be as good as Angel and accept the fact that Buffy would never love him. It was plain and simple. Ok, maybe not simple. But very problematical. Though despite not wanting to be less-than-perfect, he lived with it. Because he loved her and would do anything that it would take to stay with her.

Even if it didn’t last long. It didn’t last long in fact. Because he wasn’t Angel. Because he didn’t have a soul and because in her eyes, he was only a ‘thing’. Angel, that bastard who cursed Spike’s life, deserved to die.

3 - Moment of Sheer Love and Comfort

~It’s only love. But love, should make us strong.
It’s only love. But love, has been hurting so long~
(Heather Nova, It’s Only Love)

So maybe they weren’t doomed to hate each other for the rest of their existence. Just maybe there was some sort of hope for them. Not that it really mattered at that point anyway.

The end, as most Sunnydale residents had already fled from, was near. The smart ones left. The scared ones died. But only the brave ones fought. Mostly the fighters didn't have enough strength. And they never would have. Without help...

Strong arms. Held tightly and gently around her. Never did either of them believe it could happen, that they would both be genuinely lost in a moment of love with each other. Love can make you stronger. Most times it does make you stronger. Whether it’s negative or positive, in the end, a weakness fades.

We miss love when we no longer have it.
We hurt when we miss it.

Strength. Without the strength that the positive love gave them, not a single one of the girls, nor Spike himself, would be a fighter. Spike gave Buffy the ambition to succeed, and the desire to live. Buffy gave Spike the valor to be the savior of world. And a dear friend, transferred the strength to the many young fighters who were in the battle to save the world.

Unfortunately finding love in it’s genuine and true form is very rare. Proof of this, Buffy and Spike.

Love can save us all. Protect us from cowardice. And deliver us from evil.

4 - Invited

~Must have been the devil who changed my mind~
(Laika - Black Cat Bone)

The worst situations bring us closer. This, no one understood, but everyone experienced.

United we stand, divided we fall. The truth in that statement was extreme for Buffy and Spike. The night of Glorificus and fighting for her sister, Buffy realized that she needed everyone. Even Spike. Together we’ll fight.

Despite his insane feelings for her and her feelings for him, or lack-of, she was still strong about the situation.

Deep down she didn’t only need Spike for battle and to protect her sister. She needed him for comfort, support, and advice. She needed him for a friend.

“Come in, Spike.” Tough decision. Thought it was ever so necessary. Spike had gained some of her trust, even though she never failed to deny it. The trust was there.

Of course later on Buffy would be convinced that only the devil made her decide to let Spike in that night. She only thought this to disguise her own true feelings for him. Her own mutual feelings that Spike had for her as well.

Waiting too long. She waited too long to tell him she loved him, far too long. Until the end was right there and no more time was left. They had no more time to create a loving bond that had already been begun a few days before the shattering end. She changed her feelings from hating him, into those of love.

Must have been the devil.

5 - No chance

~She was born to keep me waitin’~
(Ghost of the Robot, Valerie)

It had to be so difficult and so impossible. SHE had to be so impossible. He only tried to do what was best for her. Or at least what he thought was best for her. Hell she didn’t have to beat him up over it!

The cost of trying to help a slayer was always a busted lip, two black eyes, and a bloody nose, if not more damaging. He couldn’t let her just go to jail for a killing a woman accidentally. She was his girl no matter what she said to oppose that.

Then he gave in. Let her beat on him, use him as a punching bag. Maybe that was all he was good for, shaggin’ and punchin’. Or maybe not. He never was quite sure and she never help clear that up for him.

Why were feelings always an issue with them? I have feelings, but not love. I have feelings, they are love. I feel for you. I could never love you. I will always love you. I sometimes like you, but I always like what you do to me. Confusion! Agony! Hurt!

It was never a straight answer with the girl, not ever. I’m telling you, she was born to keep him waiting. That was her job and she would make sure that it was fulfilled. She preformed the job well too, better than any other bird ever could.

That’s what love was though, right? A waiting game.

6 - Follow the Leader

~I will never follow you - I no longer have to hide~
(Nirvana, You Know You’re Right)

When we’re younger we have the most fun games in the world. We gather all of our friend or maybe even just one, that one special friend that we can call our own. Follow the leader. One who leads the way, through obstacles and around bends, fighting off the bad guys, perhaps a thorny rosebush.

Now, it was the inner children who liked to arise.

Never able to patrol alone, Buffy was constantly followed. Leading the way through a tombstone filled cemetery, around trees and into crypts, fighting off the bad vampires, perhaps a horny vampire.

Why her? Couldn’t he choose to follow someone else? What was so damn special about her anyway? She wasn’t a miraculous creature at all, just a normal girl. At least that’s how she wanted to be seen. No such luck.

Why did she have to have him as a tag along? Couldn’t he go and hide like a good little vampire? Never in a thousand years. The day he became a real vampire would be the day that the Hell Mouth would freeze over. Knowing Buffy’s luck, that would absolutely never happen and she would be damned the slayer for the rest of eternity with immortal life, stuck there, with him.

Sometimes it didn’t bother her thought. She liked the company. Even when he said he would stop following her, he was always back the next night. It made her feel special--to an extent of course. It’s not exactly a cozy feeling to have a vampire lurking behind you all the time.

She would never forget those days though. As long as she lived. Not ever. Because she would always be the leader which is why she always survived. And he would always be the follower, dead or alive.

7 - Kick Me in My Convenient Face

~Always want to go but you never want to stay~
(System of a Down, Aerials)


It’s all so cryptic. The signals she sends him every night and day. Mostly at night...when he comes out to play. or she comes in for a short little stay.

Spike knows that Buffy is only using him. Though, he won’t let that fact stop himself from being with her. He’d rather be with her and be used, than be without her at all. Spike and his crazy ways.

She was able to conceal her secrets about Spike. Becoming quite good at doing so, and sneaking off whenever she needed some...convenient vampire wrestling.

The guilt trips got worse by the day. With every cry, every lie and every silent vampiric goodbye, Buffy Summers was falling apart in every area possible. Emotionally, physically, socially, just to name a few. What they were doing she knew was completely wrong.

Yet she continued to visit him, on any given night of ever single week. Until one day, his beloved slayer decides she can’t take it anymore. After an ex-lover sees her with him. Riley Finn, the man of a million faults. Always causing hell for poor Buffy, always causing pain for poor Spike.

He’d really done it this time. Killing two birds with one stone he managed to hit Buffy’s guilty button, and Buffy hit Spike’s nose.

She soon broke it off with “The Doctor” She felt a little less guilt, but a lot more pain. A lot more lonesome. Even a little bit sad.

But things were how they should be, a vampire and a slayer, not together. Still they weren’t exactly enemies, but she kicked guilt in it’s inconvenient face, and walked into the sunlight, leaving poor Spike in ruins.

8 - Could I Have Just One Moment At Your Expense?

~Cry just a little for me~
(Faith Hill, Cry)

Little did anyone know, after Spike and Buffy’s break up, Buffy had spent endless nights in her room just crying herself to sleep. Wondering why she treated Spike the way she had.

Why she had never been there for him like he was always there for her. Why she had always hurt him so much, inflicting pain upon him. Why she had crushed his non-beating heart. Worst of all, why she had denied him her love.

When she looked back on it, he treated her with more love than any of her past boyfriends had. When she was with Spike she got this rush, a high that she had never felt with anyone else before.

If only she could turn back time and change some of the things she did and said, she wouldn’t hesitate even for a second.

Miracles do happen, on the odd occasion.

Buffy waited for her miracle. Naturally she never did get it. So she cried some more, and thought about exactly what she would say to Spike if she could change everything, she planned out the whole conversation in her head and replayed it, over and over.....

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

“Can I have a moment?” He would request as he slyly awaited at her bedroom window.
“Of course.” She would grant his request, but with caution.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you, needed to tell you something.” He would say as he entered her room and sat on the edge of her bed next to her
“Yes?” She would so patiently ask.
“I’m leaving town, well, the country. Heading back to my homeland.” He could pause. “I wanted to tell you goodbye.” Quickly he would say.
“You’re leaving?” She would sincerely wonder and he would nod.
“Then I need to tell you something also.” Taking a big breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all I’ve done to hurt you. No one deserves that much pain in any form. Everyone deserves happiness and love. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Now she would pause. “Have a great time in England.” She would sweetly smile.
“I love you, Buffy. Always will.” He would say one last time while standing to leave.
Buffy would silently get up and follow him to the window. Touching his shoulder ever so lightly to make him turn around. Without much warning, she would place a loving kiss on his lips, then pull away and say with a whisper. “I love you too, William.”
Looking into her eyes, he’d say a silent farewell and disappear out the window before decided to stay and chance getting hurt once more.
But he would hear her say it.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

This is the miracle moment, that she’ll cry and wait for, forever more.

9 - Just Us, Me and You, Holding Hands, Staying True.

~I wanna fly to a place where it’s just you and me
nobody else, so that we can be free~
(T.A.T.U., All the Things She Said)

Just you and me. It’s no exotic island in the sun, but it’ll do. This dank basement with a ceiling that divides us from the giggling voices of several dozen teenage girls that are destined to die. It’ll do.

With a narrow semi-soft cot, it’s enough space for us both. For me to hold you, until you fall asleep, then I’ll fall soon after. But I wont’ let go of you, not for a minute, because at no other moment, can we be so free.

Together, with each other, without any disturbance. Dreams will even come easy to the most worrisome of beings. Sweet dreams of bathing in the sun and flying free through the clouds, like seagulls above the sand.

Someday we’ll have this. We’ll have it all. I know I’ll be going first so I promise you this and this alone. When I get to heaven, I’ll recognize you and guide you to the golden stairs, where you’ll receive your well earned wings.

That’s when my love, that’s when we’ll fly. It’ll be just you and me, we’ll go to that special place, we saw only in our dreams. I foresee this glorious day. I know it and I can feel it. We’ll play in the sands and swim in the clear blue tides.

You won’t feel any pain, nor will you worry. We’ll take care of each other, Together. Me and you. Always and forever.

Tomorrow we will triumph. Against all evil and torture. Remember even when I leave you, I won’t be truly gone, I’ll be in your heart, singing a superlative song.

*A sweet whisper from Spike to Buffy*

10 - If Only Once

~Dancing in the dark, in the middle of the night,
taking your heart and holding it tight~
(Tim McGraw & Faith Hill, It’s Your Love)

It was a darker night than all the other nights, which was odd because dark is dark, it’s always the same, yet very different.

Buffy felt sad on the darker night. She was alone and feeling a lot of pain since the loss of her mother. So in the Bronze she sat, in the middle of the night, thankful that it was open. She sat on a couch that rested by a wall of the same color, only a small lamp illuminating the area surrounding.

Without a single word spoken, a familiar face reached out a hand for her to hold. With much gratitude she accepted. Being lead to the dance floor, in a shadowed corner.

Spike had sensed her pain from a few blocks away and followed her scent to where she was seated. A slow, sweet song played from the speakers of a DJ table. He took her to the dark shadow because he understood how she felt, and when you feel this way, you don’t need the light shining on you in such a strong manner.

Buffy rested her head on his shoulder, with her arms wrapped around him. Never did she see herself being comforted by him of all beings. She didn’t mind though. He was concerned enough to offer the help, she couldn’t refuse.

That was probably one of their better, more, from-the-heart moments. Probably also the night that she realized she had a little bit of love for this vampire. He felt it too. Her love just did something to him, it made his heart come to life and flutter like a monarch butterfly.

A crying shoulder, a loving friend, a soul mate.

-Review and let me know if you want more of these kinds of stories or if you’ve had enough.-