i hear you ella.

I just didn't think this story was going to be all about feeling sorry for Buffy. Bad home life not spike treating her like dirt.

I thought it was going to be more about Spike and what he went through being made fun of time and time again from his love. I hardly see high school stories like this.

But you really don't feel for Spike at all because you really didn't see any of what Buffy and the others did to him.

you just read about buffy sorry home life and spike using her. Now spikes looks bad. It is always the same.

I was liking this story. don't get me wrong. it is well written. just not the story that i thought it was going to be.

Author's Response: My fault there... should have had more flashbacks. Maybe I'll just have an entire chapter devoted to Buffy flashback cruelty... not in my plans, but I can see it working somewhere in the story. What do you think about that? The story was originally about what you described, but people started hating Buffy so much (heck, _I_ even hated Buffy) that I needed to make her a round character. She is the heroine, after all. And the story would have been pretty darn short-lived and kinda trite if I wrote that. I wanted a story that described all the wonders of high school. I wanted a twisted story, a story that explored populars and rebels and suicide and government conspiracies and the uselessness of school and other high school themes. I guess I might have been stretching too far into my own little world. I hope I haven't passed the point of no return, and I do hope that you will continue to read/review. I think that you'll be completely satisfied once we get to the Spuffiness after all this angst. Thanks for commenting.

As I read about Spike's treatment of Buffy I can't help but wonder what exactly you are trying to convey? Is it that Spike is justied because Buffy serves as s revenge instrument and deserves everything she gets? Or is it that Spike's cruelty to her will end up backlashing and be a testament to the futility of revenge? Dig two graves and all of that. Or is it just a getting even exercise and that once he gets it out of his system all will be well because Spike is basically an individual of worth and better than all this? Because I have to confess that none of the above could in any way justify the way that Spike is treating Buffy. She was mean to him--so shut her down or ignore her or whatever. So he is being honest with her about his feelings so by accepting his treatment that supposedly makes it OK? I don't think so--Buffy is pretty much the walking wounded herself and willing to do whatever necessary in order to receive even a false sense of affection. There is no moral justification for anyone using someone that way for their own benefit. Yes, it does happen but lots of really ugly things "really" happen and they still aren't OK. One of the reasons that high school is so miserable is because everyone there is so wrapped up in their own miserable selves (populars, geeks, and everyone in between) that they can't see beyond their own pain to empathize with anyone else. So I guess what I'm asking is this--is this story going to be just an endless stream of self-righteous attacks against Buffy or is this moving toward anything resembling an actual relationship?

Author's Response: Gosh, I sure hope I didn't convey that the story is some downward spiral of abusive attacks. It's most definitely not; we'll hit rock bottom and climb our way to true Spuffiness. But I am _not_ writing this as a nice little fairy tale where Spike's always a hero and Buffy's got no problems. That's dull, unrealistic, and cliche; it's been done a million times, even in Spuffy fanfic. This is high school and high school is hell. This is relationships and relationships are hell. Buffy treated Spike badly for years and Spike's taking some back. It's ugly, it's abusive, it's demented, it's unjustifiable... call it whatever you want. Like most things in life, it's not suppose to have some heroic justification that makes everything better. Because things are _never_ better. Maybe I'm just bitter and I'm writing too bitterly, I don't know. I can tell you, though, that Buffy will take a stand, albeit from the momentum of the events in "that day," and that will stop this unjustifiable abusiveness that you seem to loathe so much. I'm _not_ saying that it's justifiable, but all those reasons you stated will probably come into play in the story. I don't think what Buffy did to Spike all those years is justifiable either. I certainly don't think Buffy deserves what she's getting. Spike might think so right now, but he most certainly won't once we reach rock bottom. Just an FYI, this was always intended to be the last of the abuse, even when I structured it around mid December. To be honest, I'm very glad that you see Spike in such a bad light, as that's exactly where I wrote him. Have hope, they *will* have a good relationship down the road, I can promise you that. I really liked this review, I thought it dug into the story quite nicely. Another FYI: I have Spike signed up for a speech in English where he empathizes with populars, another thing I've been planning since the beginning. I guess I might give the impression that things are bad and they are always gonna stay bad, but they aren't. As much as I want to write a tragedy, that would be too cruel to the readers. Feel free to respond to this response - I never intended for this review to offend you or anything, so if it does, I'm sorry. Thanks for commenting, I look forward to more insightful observations from you in the future.

Funny, how this story was suppose to about Spike being the one who was treated badly by Buffy and the rest of the popular people. Yet, we see chapter after chapter of you trying to make Spike look bad.

and I hate Angel in this story. HE is suppose to be Spike best friend and he should understand that Spike did what he had to.

Die Angel die.

Author's Response: ;_; I hope I've succeeded, at least partially, in making Spike look bad. Or else I haven't done my job at all. >_> And Angel will come around. Just give him time. I wanted total isolation for the next event, thought it'd add to the drama a bit. Thanks for commenting.

arrgh! i am really glad things are starting to fall apart because i dont think i could take anymore of the buffy-abuse without feeling a bit sick, i don't know why but this story affects me in a "Big Love" kinda-way, i really dont want to read anymore of the badness but i just cant stop reading, and it cant really be a good sign that when you find out that a new chapter has been posted, you jump from you chair and screams "FINALLY" causing the whole class to look you in a not-very-nice-way.

Stupid story is making me obsessed.

Author's Response: Wow... didn't think I could have that type of an impact on someone with the story... that's cool, I guess. ^_^ This'll probably be the last you'll see the Buffy abuse, at least in its current context. I tried to be really gentle with the abuse, as not to disturb readers, but I just had to go out and say it in this chapter. Sorry if it made you sick, never my intention. Or maybe it was, I dunno >_> Thanks for the review!