LOL. Good chapter. The fight scene was okay, but I can't wait for Spuffy!

I wasn't trying to give anyone grief. I was trying to give helpful advice that would make the story better and possibly attract more than a couple of readers. People on this site have a very skewed definition of what "fiction" means, and it's very frustrating for someone who cares about quality. I do think this fic shows a lot of promise, especially for your first one posted here, and that's why I tried to give advice. The internet is an easy resource for research, and it's clear that you have access to it. Making your story believable within the realm of fiction is important to many readers, and by doing so, you'll be able to attract a larger audience. I'm not just trying to lecture or be nitpicky, I'm trying to help you become a better writer because I think you show some promise. It's not a big deal to some people that's fine, but it would be a big deal to a lot of people for reasons I've already stated. That's why I said something. My suggestion would be to find a beta. You grammar and spelling is pretty good, but I've noticed some little errors here and there that a beta would catch. Also, a beta would be able to help you catch things like the *69 bit and help you come up with something else. Again, not trying to be mean, but helpful. I wouldn't take the time to write these long reviews if I didn't think you were a good beginning writer. You just need a little help polishing up a few things. Many of the writers on this site have betas, especially the really good ones, and I think you could benefit from one. Not because you're a bad writer by any means, but because you show potential and with help, you could get better. Your ideas are good as is your style, and with help, you could only improve. :)

Allana, don't let people get to you about the calling thing. Some people are very nitpicky no matter what you do. Yes, it can't be done in another country, but they should let it rest. This is fiction for crying out loud. When I write, I try to be accurate, but you can't be perfect on everything. Don't let it get you down or make you stop writing an enjoyable story to read for the rest of us. Great chapter, and I look forward to more.