Reviews For New Beginnings
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Reviewer: Nemo Signed Liked [Report This]
Date: 02/09/2006 - 01:56 pm Title: Chapter 2

The paragraphing is much better If only, good for you!

But you still switch tempus a lot, for example:
"As Angel *hangs* up the phone he *turns* to his grandchilde and says..." which is present tense but later you're using past tense:
"Wes *watched* as Spike *walked* away, and *smiled* again".

You also switch from describing what happens with "I made my way ..." to 3rd person (Buffy/Willow etc). This can be very confusing for the reader. Which is ashame since I'm interesting in reading this story. There's not a lot of Dawn/Connor out there! And your universe with humans and vampirs coexisting, that sounds really interesting, and an advantage for spuffy.

I'm not saying I'm an expert, since I'm really not, English is not even my first language, but I'm trying to tell you ways to make your fic better. If you've got any questions feel free to email me.

Good luck!
~Nina

Author's Response: Thank you for the helpful hints. I will try to be more careful in my grammar.

Reviewer: *bite me* Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 02/09/2006 - 01:28 am Title: Chapter 2

I absolutly lovce the story. First, I love stories where vamps and humans co-exist. Second, I love when Buffy and/or Spike are bartenders. And finally, who doesn't love a mystery guy in reocurring dreams?!Please update ASAP!

Author's Response: Thanks. It's my first fic, but I love all the aspects that you spoke of as well so I thought I would give it a try. Thank you again for the kind words.

Reviewer: maryperk Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 02/09/2006 - 12:19 am Title: Chapter 2

Much better. You can go to the edit feature and work on the first chapter, you know. Make it more readable.

Author's Response: Thank you so much. Writing this little bit has made me really appreciate all of the authors here. Thanks for inspiring me.

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