can't wait to see what happens next!!!!!!!!! :D

If he understands what the hell is he whining about?

UGH! Stupid stupid Spike! Okay, not stupid... BUT STUPID! She did mean it, but he better than anyone should understand the "shades of gray" concept-- she could not take action against Xander until she was sure-- not just because she didn't want to be losing her friend, but because if she had not been CERTAIN he would have found more ways to explain "coincidences" (Like the whole "didn't say he hurt his head" thing-- Xander would have been all "oh, I saw the wound" or some b.s.) Poor Buffy. And I love Spike dearly, and I know he's gone through a HUGE ordeal-- but I really hope Fred can talk some sense into him so he can finally let himself be happy, and forgive, and not forget-- but move on!

Can't believe Spike thinks Buffy didn't mean it when she told him she loves him.....

Oh wow...if only he knew she meant it. She just didn't know what to do about Xander. Xander who was her best friend, who brought her back to life after the Master. Xander who's been there for her. Her best friend. No one wants to believe their best friend would do that to someone, demon or not.

Hopefully they'll get the chance to talk again. They need to clear everything up, put it out there in the open. Update soon please! I can't wait to see how this plays out.

loved it sooooooo much. great job. yep, 'dummy' was the perfect word to discribe buffy when she asked for angel instead of spike. in her defense (yes I'm defending buffy now) she didn't know if he wanted to talk to her or not. asking for angel probably wasn't the best thing though. lol. glad buffy finally said goodbye to xander. angel was right. the xander that she once knew disappeared a l ong time ago. more soon. AMAZING JOB!!!

Very thoughtful of Giles to use the name Anyanka; and what he expresses with it.
Payback is a bitch, huh? Now Xander is suffering (because of his own hands) what he did to Spike.
So Dawn stayed in contact with Spike (or he with her). I understand why Buffy feared to talk to Spike. But I can see why that had hurt Spike. It would have been easier to simply call Angel instead 'taking over' the phone. And Buffy closed 'the case' with Xander. Maybe a little too late (even understandable in a way why it took her so long). But to think he, Xander, already tortured Spike when he talked Willow out of ending the world....
I can only hope Spike will come around again and back to Buffy. Him asking for her gives me hope.

I think hearing Buffy say what she was feeling at those moments in time should make things clearer to alot of people. The choices she had to make. i think people are so quick to just make her the slayer they forget the women that she is. Buffy being the slayer,being the best friend, and being human made killing Zander hard. Taking a human life is something that as a slayer would hunt her for the rest of her life. Even if she is not the one doing the killing just being there and not stopping it would do the trick. Buffy has this whole ability where she does not want to see people she care about as evil and can do wrong. Just look at Angel ,Willow and now Zander. She has to be slapped upside the head hard for her to believe. Oh and one more thing Spike is cussing up a storm about her not talking to him but i don't see him trying to make contact with her. And DAwn still gets on my nerves..LOL..
Great update Dream..til the next chapter..N

I went into a state of panic when I saw the chapter title - thought Spike was saying goodbye and such - this story makes me sad, angry, confused, just reaching out for hope. No other story has done that to me - it's been close but this one....you've kept me glued to the screen for 57 chapters. Thinking about it non stop - and with my distraction problem that is quite a big thing. lol. Great job. Can't wait to read more - I hope it turns into a great Spuffy ending - that's what's most of us want - common it's a Spuffy Fanfic site - has to be good. lol. Loves it.

awww it was a nice goodbye! hope buffy and spike will talk to each other soon! I WANT SPUFFY SMOOCHIES!!! lol

I know I just reviewed the last chapter but I have to comment here, especially after rereading chpt. 42.

Again, speaking for myself, it's clear that Buffy was in a difficult position. She essentially had to choose between her love for Xander and her love for Spike. It is expected that she would need a moment to think things through and ensure she didn't rush to judgement.

But Buffy didn't do that, stop and think, I mean. She insisted on executing a plan that really was designed to give Xander the benefit of the doubt while at the same time implied that Spike was either delusional or lying.

Sure, Buffy thought she could handle it but that was where she underestimated her adversary because he was her friend. Again, giving Xander the benefit of the doubt while ignoring all of the warnings she was given. In the end of course, things worked out as they always do for Buffy, regarding slaying anyway. But how many times have we seen Buffy go off half-cocked only to have fate intervene to save her and the scoobies. Yes, she is incredibly skilled and powerful and she thinks fast on her feet but Buffy is also one of the luckiest slayers ever. She's been doing this type of thing since she was called. I'd like to think that after so many close calls that she would have devised a better battle strategy.

As to the plan, the others could have helped more but each time I reread chpt. 42 and I see how she manhandled Dawn with her slayer strength and ignored Angel's objections, not to mention turned a blind eye to Spike's obvious terror, it tells me that Buffy didn't want to hear anything that didn't fall in line with proving Xander was innocent, right there and then. If someone had suggested, "let's wait a bit to come up with something a bit more secure", but wait, in fact Dawn wanted to wait, but Buffy wouldn't hear of it. What was the rush? IMO, it is these things that Buffy has to feel guilty for - her arrogance, her bullying, her adamant insistence on the rushed execution of a plan that really could have used some serious rethinking in order to give her friend the benefit of the doubt.

How could she promise Spike that she would protect him when she literally wouldn't allow herself to believe that he was in any danger from Xander? Chapter 42 starts out acknowledging that no one really wanted the plan to prove Xander's guilt. It appears Buffy wanted it even less so. Again, we see where Buffy was in a tough situation but Spike's welfare was in her hands but she didn't take the threat seriously enough. Yes, she made a mistake - a grave one. And she will be forgiven for it. But forgiveness does not erase the consequences of her actions. People have been hurt, some have died.

That is where my frustration with Buffy in this fic comes from. Because Buffy should be in her early twenties at this point and her experience as a slayer should have driven that point home many times. Her actions carry severe consequences. She carries the weight of the world and often stands between life and death. If she's going to promise to protect Spike then she needs to be prepared to accept whatever she's protecting him from.

Had she acknowledged her uncertainty and taken more time to stop and think things through, instead of bullying others and rushing into this hairbrain plan, she wouldn't be feeling so guilty at the moment.

I'm glad Giles talked her out of rushing to LA and what would most likely be an ugly encounter with Spike. Both are stubborn and irrational when upset. Spike made the best decision to leave. And as I mentioned before, had he waited till she came home, he wouldn't have been able to. Spike can deny her nothing and she would have persuaded him to stay. I had hoped that he might have left a note but perhaps he simply couldn't find the words.

Anyway, Spuffy has a long way to go yet but I'm glad to see in the last chapter that Buffy finally sees what she was actually deciding between. It's amazing what a little time to reflect can do.

And yeah, it's just a fic but it gets you thinking, which keeps the fandom interesting imo.

"I'm going to miss what you were to me" T____T

That's such a sad line, and a great way of summing things up. I'm really excited for the next one, I want to see how things get patched up...can't wait!!