Interesting story, but it needs a human beta reader to clean up some things a software AI cannot catch. We all use the MS Word spell/grammar checker with other software packages to check for obvious things, however, stories also need a human beta (not the author) to make sure the sentences and actual content flow. It would help tremendously, trust me.

Contact me (karbear57@yahoo.com) in January if you have not found a beta. I am willing to step up and help



Author's Response: Thanks I will, if I haven't found anyone.

When someone says that you need a beta, they mean that you should probably send your chapters to a friend to read over for errors before you post updates. A computer program (like your husband's program that you keep mentioning in responses) can't fix things like they're/their/there or it's/its or things like that, because those aren't spelling errors, they are grammar errors. You have a lot of regular readers for your other stories so I'm sure one of them could help you if you ask. =)

Author's Response: Thanks, I have never thought about asking anyone fromhere for help not even sure if I would manage to get anyone to help.

um, okay, i had to stop reading. this is too weird and confusing for me. i was expecting something nice and sweet by your summary, but i'm not getting that. they seem slutty to me to be doing that and with an audience. it's like they're porn stars or something. i don't really understand the job. i would also suggest that you get a beta. there are too many errors and that tends to also be distracting for the readers. sorry if i was rude, just being honest.

Author's Response: next chapter will be more to do with the story.

I have to agree with Xela. A beta reader is going to be the best thing for you right now. You have good ideas, but your writing and set up is a little rough around the edges. Having a beta to check things like spelling, tenses, and punctuation, as well as giving you advice on story set up and flow will really help you craft stronger stories and attract more readers. Good luck!

Author's Response:

So, this could be an OK story, except the writing needs work. Things like:
"Just then the doorbell ran Buffy gets up of the couch to go answer the door.
Seeing that it is her ex-boyfriend Liam Aurelius standing there she calls her Daughter. “Abby, Daddy’s here." "

It doesn't flow, and you're mixing up the tenses of your verbs. The first one is also a run-on sentence. Daughter shouldn't be capitalized, and when some one speaks, it should read like this:
She calls to her daughter, "Abby, Daddy's here."

You also need to set the story up a little more, because this stuff is kind of abrupt. From the daughter leaving, to William arriving, and the whole party/pictures thing. You need details.

And you also need to ease into the pictures thing, because right now it's just out of hte blue. At least for me, I was just really very confused, and not in a good "I wonder where the writer is going ..." way but in a "This makes absolutely no sense to me" kind of way.

I really suggest you get a beta for this, because a solid one will point all this out and take your writing to a much higher level. You'll also end up with a longer, more indepth story, but that's just a bonus ;)

Author's Response:

Wait,what kind of magazine is this???

Author's Response: One you don't want youe kids to read.