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Reviewer: gopher101 Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 06/27/2011 - 10:13 pm Title: Chapter 4: Something Change While Others Stay the Same

The best thing to do is find a beta if you don't already have one. They can help quite a bit having a fresh pair of eyes to look it over.
I liked the POV's of this chapter, but you could have added a few more details. Not only does it make the story a bit longer it , it juices up the story, and details might help format out the text.
If you want, I can try to help you out, I don't know how good I would be but I am willing to try. I do like your story so far and wish for you to continue.

Reviewer: bruni Anonymous Liked [Report This]
Date: 06/27/2011 - 09:50 pm Title: Chapter 4: Something Change While Others Stay the Same

I like the story, it's sweet and all but I think that the way u are writting it, the third person mode, takes a lot of the appeal, like everything is happening too fast and it takes the spark of the story...just my opinion ! but i like the story, just not the third voice that u are using

Author's Response: The voice is going to switch soon don't worry! The story will slow down she is just speeding past the earlier years, they are in junior high right now and she is 30 it's kinda hard to remember that far back into her past plus what he told her about his point of view during their younger years!

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