Ok I was gone and missed all the drama and since I don't want to read about it I am just gonna say still loving this story even with the angst. You write too well for me to leave it.

"I will not be responding to you anymore."

This is a wise and excellent decision.
Have a good day !

Oh and about this :

"Spike drinking too much isn't canon for you? He spent an entire episode drunk. When he broke up with Dru--he drank. When he broke up wiht Buffy--he drank. If this isn't canon, you were watching a different version of the show ".

No , Spike drinking when he broke up with Dru and Buffy doesn't me that Spike drinks all the time or that he needs a bottle each time he he's feeling bad .
Alcoholic Spike is not canon.
Two epidodes = Not the whole series.

And I 'm glad if I watched another version of the show ..


Author's Response: It was more than two episodes. He drank rather frequently.

Do you see any other reviewers doing this? No. Why? Because it's crazy. Knock it off. Again, if you want to discuss something with me, bring it to a forum more appropriate for discussion and leave this space for the real reviewers. You're really starting to irritate me.

Addie , I didn’t understand everything you said in your answer to my comment ( especially here : « complain just to see if you can start something up with me again » ) , but I hope that our dialogue isn’t going to be fruitless , and i hope that you will read what I have to say.

Not everyone reads a story for the same reasons .
Obviously we all love angst .. but keep in mind that we can enjoy a story but not interpret it the way the author wants , and that doesn’t make us bad people.


You wrote :
« this is not wildly out of character for Spike. He's stressed, he's upset, and he's not thinking clearly. And hey, when exactly on the show was Spike the picture of maturity? Sometimes, when people are upset and responding to things emotionally, they act like children. There's nothing unrealistic about it. » I see your point and I agree to a certain extend.
I don’t think I said it was unbelievable or unrealistic. I said « not very much in character ». Spike might feel and react this way at that time in the story , but as much as I can understand his distress and the negative thoughts clouding his mind , I found his behaviour childish and not really convincing.
It ‘s certainly not bad characterisation on your part , it ‘s a simple difference in characters interpretation.
(Spike drinking too much is way beyond canon for me for example ) But I agree with you , he often was immature about some things.

And I would just like to add that , as you know , we don’t ‘ see ‘ the characters in the same way ( ‘we’ meaning all of us who enjoyed the show ) .
Far from me a preconceived idea of how YOUR story should go , but it means something to you , and I can see why it would be hard to accept that it means something else to me.

All this being said , I don’t believe that a reviewer who isn’t completely supportive all along is mean. Maybe it’s just honesty ?

I don’t think I will have something negative to say about every chapter , but if something is bothering me , I need to write a few words about it. Forgive me if I have been blunt in my last review when I said I was complaining about characterisation .

You also wrote : « Because I feel like at this point, you're doing it on purpose to rile me. »
Why getting all defensive , after only two reviews from me ? And each one of them had positive thoughts , if you take the time to read them again.

« I feel like your reviews are starting towards harassment. » Don’t make things personal when it really shouldn’t be.

I love your story. I love your writing style.
You put Buffy and Spike through a believable angsty path since the first chapter.
I wasn’t entirely on the same page with you about Joyce ‘s reaction to their relationship ( not so much in character again, but I guess it ‘s because you ‘saw’ Joyce in a way that wasn’t mine during the show ) and that didn’t stop me to keep enjoying.


Spike and Buffy speak very strongly to all of us , and you ‘re writing a gorgeous emotional journey , so please , don’t be offended by some reviews that might sound less positive, to the point of thinking they are ‘ harassments’.

Pamy-Pascale .




Author's Response: Okay, first off, I have to say, Spike drinking too much isn't canon for you? He spent an entire episode drunk. When he broke up with Dru--he drank. When he broke up wiht Buffy--he drank. If this isn't canon, you were watching a different version of the show

I said it seemed like you were trying to rile me not just because you complained twice in a row, but because of the end of the review when you said you'd say what you wanted to say and I couldn't tell you to "shut up." It was defensive and brining up a situation that needs to be over. That last part was personal because you were speaking directly to me about something other than the story itself. That is personal.

Clearly, we aren't looking at this story the same way. Personally, I think you're missing a lot, and I don't agree with your interpretations. I'm not alone here, I know. But the bottom line is, you're very negative, and yes, you're confrontational. The bottom of your review was incredibly confrontational, and here you are again, having to have something to say. This is harassment, and you're also doing something I've asked people not to do--leave long complaints to me personally, not about the story, on the review forum. It wastes the space of the server, and you need to stop. If you have something to say to me other than an initial review, you can email me or message me and we can discuss it privately. Otherwise, you can let your original review stand and not come after me again.

I'm very tired of this. This is my story, so yes, I will be writing the characters the way I see them. If you see them differently, then it's time for you to accept that and not complain about every single chapter. That accomplishes nothing, and it's annoying. Either enjoy the story or don't, but stop the nit-picking. I work hard on this story, I get nothing really in return, and I would appreciate it if you'd stop being so negative. You keep saying you're enjoying the story, yet you feel the need to say something negative every time you review. It's tiresome. I don't always agree with the way authors choose to characterize the people in their story either, but it's their story, and I don't have to complain about it all the time. I write my own stories the way I see the characters. Why don't you try that instead of acting like I should be writing to suit your whims?

This conversation about how I respond to reviews is over. Don't bring it up again, because it will be harassment. You've said enough about me personally, and it's time for it to end.

You know , i'm not complaining about the angst , more about characterization.

Realistic fight and conversation between Buffy and Spike. They're guilty , the both of them , for the mess .

But Spike 's reaction is a bit childish . Not very much in character. ACCORDING TO ME.

He 's a jerk. A perfect jerk.

But it' s fine.

Waiting peacefully for the break up which is going to happen , I have no doubt.

I'm hoping you 're not going to say : "Don't read anymore if you don't like it !".

I will read each chapter , and if I want to say something , I will.

No shut up for me , if you don't mind.

Author's Response: It seems to me like you're trying to dredge all of this back up when it's over. I don't understand why people can't just let something go already. And I have never told anyone to "shut up." I have asked people not to complain specifically about angst and pointed out that if they don't like angsty stories, they shouldn't be reading this one. You didn't even understand my point, but for crying out loud, let it freaking go already. It's over, done. Find something new to complain about.

ACCORDING TO ME, this is not wildly out of character for Spike. He's stressed, he's upset, and he's not thinking clearly. And hey, when exactly on the show was Spike the picture of maturity? Sometimes, when people are upset and responding to things emotionally, they act like children. There's nothing unrealistic about it.

If you've got something negative to say about every chapter, then yeah, I'm going to ask you to knock it off. Because I can't take criticism? No. Because I feel like at this point, you're doing it on purpose to rile me. Maybe I'm wrong, but with two complaints in a row and the tone you took at the bottom of this review, that's the feeling I get. There's having something to say, and there's harassment, and I feel like your reviews are starting towards harassment. I've heard your views, I know what you think of me, and that's fine. I get it. So if you're reading this story because you like it, how about having something nice to say as well? Otherwise, it comes across as you wanting to complain just to see if you can start something up with me again, and that's not a game I'm in the mood to play.

I'm so glad that you had Spike bring everything up again the next day. When they said all was forgiven the night before, I thought that was way too quick and easy. Nothing had been resolved. And I think it's good Spike called Buffy on leaving. Good chapter, can't wait for the next one. I'm waiting to see if Spike brings up his conversation with his manager to her anytime soon.

Such a real chapter. So much very real emotion. Both are wrong and both are victims, really does make it a hard puzzle to solve. I love it. Can't wait for the next chapter.

awww damnit!! i really wish that they would work things out and that wen they have a fight one of them doesnt run away. i love this story and am happy u updated. i really hope that wen spike gets back that her and buffy actually talk everthing through and work out their differences. i was so happy that they talked, but then they didnt even wokr everything out and then in the morning he just left in the middle of a fight, they both need to talk out their issues. please update as soon as u can, im dying to read more. thanx

Communication is the key here. they both need to say what they are really feeling or else they mid as well give up. You wrote this chapter very well giving us an even further look into how they both have been damaged by their pasts. I do hope they both decided to discuss things. Spike is right, in the sense that it's always his fault and his need to apologize. Buffy needs to realize that she is at fault too. If they both love each so much, then both needs to bend and know that their love is true and can endure. Awesome chapter as always.

IMO, part of Spike's argument is seriously flawed - and I realize that's part of the plot not an oversight on your part. Granted Buffy should have at least left her phone on during the weekend but Spike should have made an attempt to call the house nonetheless - demonstrate to her that he at least wanted to make sure she arrived safely. Also, after speaking with Travers didn't he make the choice to spend the night buried in a bottle rather than work out their issues because he wasn't ready to deal with it? He made no phone call to tell Buffy he wasn't coming home and not to wait up yet he has a problem when she chooses to visit her mother (while at the same time giving them both a well needed break) even after she left him a note that at least went so far to reassure him that she hadn't given up on their relationship and would be back ready to patch things up. That is just hypocritical! Maybe Spike spent a bit too much time in the bottle during the weekend yet again and has a slight case of amnesia.

Also, as for it being all about Buffy, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I am inclined to seriously disagree. Buffy just made a huge sacrifice to move across the country for his career and he's saying it's all about her? Sure, the issue with her mother's illness came up but that would have been a problem whether they were in NY or CA. Not to mention that this entire thing started by Buffy opening her home to him when he needed to move to NY to get his music going. As for their relationship and any arguments they've had, maybe Spike has conceded to Buffy more than he should in certain things but to be honest I can't recall everything on that score and I'd have to reread the entire story to be more accurate. I do think it's rather unfair to throw that in her face the way he did though. If he was feeling that he was compromising too much, he should have said as much far sooner in their relationship. Since he didn't, then he's being a big rat by dropping this on her two seconds before he's out the door. I don't know Spike, take the day, think about it, maybe get your thoughts in order and actually come up with a specific example or two to back up this allegation - cause to say that to someone who just gave up everything to be with you is asking to be knocked on your ass.

Anyway, my final thoughts are on his drinking and the dreaded angst. You've shown in earlier chapters - around chapter 4 I think and a few others - that Spike was a regular drinker (maybe even a heavy drinker) but from what I recall we didn't devle too much into his reasons other than it was part of the scene where his band played and when he first arrived it was common for him to come home and just crash on the couch fully clothed It may not have been a problem as such but maybe there was more to his drinking than Buffy realized. It's a coping mechanism for Spike and a well established one on the show. IMO, this is true to form and isn't a stretch for the character you've developed since he at the very least seems to be a social drinker, for the most part. This development is not coming out of nowhere, you've established this as a somewhat recurring issue with him. He's not a drunk, he doesn't stumble his way through the day in an alcohol-induced haze but when things get difficult he needs to numb himself, and when his favorite distraction isn't available or in the mood to play i.e. Buffy, then he needs the old standby.
Perhaps because it's been quite some time but maybe pointing out in an A/N previous chapters where his drinking was clearly part of a pattern or part of a problem and also where you may have given any details on his break up with Dru and the aftermath might help. Obviously it's up to you but in the fics that I've written, particularly long fics or after quite a long time has passed between the beginning and the last chapters, without giving away details I usually suggest in my A/N that my readers reread a certain scene in a specific chapter that may contain critical information that is relevant later in the story. That way I don't spoil the chapter but I ensure that the readers, especially those who've been loyal from the beginning don't miss certain connections and my critics can't claim that I didn't lay the foundation for certain developments. Anyway, it's just a suggestion.

Personally, I think this particluar development has been building for a while, things were too perfect between them so I was just waiting for something that made this relationship more real and true to the Buffy and Spike we know. Granted, I'm no angst whore, I don't believe in angst just for the heck of it and some writers have been known to go overboard but I think thus far you've struck a good balance. You've given us a slightly rough beginning, they've had some very smooth sailing considering this is Spike and Buffy we're talking about here, life's throwing them curve balls and now their relationship is being tested - that's the reality of life and I'm glad that you haven't shied away from it or tried to cheapen your story by taking an easy, fluffy, sugar-coated ending. Good stuff! Keep it coming!!



Author's Response: First off, I want to say I think you win the award for leaving me the longest review ever. (And that's in no way a bad thing...I appreciate the detail and thought you put into this!)

I completely agree with you on all points. Spike's reaction to Buffy was an emotional one, something that tends to happen more often than not in relationships. He's stressed, he's taking it out on her, and eventually, he's going to have to suss out why he's feeling that way.

It has been building for a while. I've had this whole fic planned out since the beginning, and I knew it was going to reach this point--which is why I put hints towards him drinking too much early on. I don't think of Spike as being an out and out "drunk" in this fic--I think he's a self-medicator, which has more than enough basis in canon as well as in the set up of this fic. I hadn't thought about pointing out in an author's note that it's been building, but it's an idea I'll consider.

Thank you for sharing with me your insights into this fic. It's very nice to see a reader give so much thought to my story!

okay very happy they did not let that fester but they need to talk for real without either one leaving.
Great chapter

Good that at last things with Joyce have gone well. Spike? I fear he was in the bottle. Good that Spike worries to be dumped: That shows he loves her :) (Trying to see the good in the bad here but I know you'll make it better again... after some time.) But I'm not sure (I don't know) about being an alcoholic: Is Spike yet and lives in denial or isn't he? We'll see, right? Oh my.. that made up (that the words) but it didn't get better. I'm on a loss here, I don't know what they could do to make it better. Maybe get a counselor that gets them to talk? Really talk I mean instead only to say I'm sorry? ~ I'm confident though that you know what you can do to make it better. *hugs* Keep you head high, Addie, you do good writings - never forget this! *hugs again*

drama? with spuffy stories? no way! get outta here. anyway, i just wanted to say 'boo hoo' for buffy. spike's right. it's always about her. yeah, she's had a tough life, but does she think that she' s the only one? i should hope not. she never stops to think about it from his point of view. i mean, can we say double standard. oh, and yay for spike for calling her on her shit. you go guy.