I like your story, you have a really good, original idea going here. However, I was really distraced by your grammar. You use a lot of the wrong tenses, like " Will knew they were getting nowhere with this, plus he would like to know just how many girls will be interested in him." The poor sentence construction throws people off. A beta would really help with this, and you would get a lot more hit and readers. Don't get me wrong, you have a GREAT story idea. You just need to clean the chapter up a little so people can get *really* trapped in your stories instead of stumbling over mismatched verbs and the like.

Author's Response: You know...I've been getting that a lot but since this is an old fic, I can't really change much. And i'll try to scamper off a beta somewhere... a proper one but some take so long delays the story and it takes me long to write a chap as it is. But don't worry a part of this story was beta-ed by alison but sadly she became busy with work so she could only do part of it. I'm sure in the later chapters the grammer would get better.