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Author's Chapter Notes:
Happy Mother's Day!
Chapter 9 – No More Secrets


Spike slowly woke up the next morning to the feeling of soft kisses trailing along his chest.

“Buffy?” he asked in a groggy voice. Still trying to wake up, he looked down at the curtain of blonde hair that was falling on his torso and felt his heartbeat speed up as she traveled lower to kiss the ridged muscles of his abdomen. “Buffy, luv, what are you doing?”

Turning to look up at him with a soft smile, it quickly faded when Spike gently grabbed her by the arms and pulled her up his body to look her in the eyes.

“We don’t have to do this.”

“I know,” Buffy said quietly, avoiding his eyes.

“Hey,” Spike said with a gentle smile, turning her to look at him. “I’m not going anywhere. You don’t need to do anything to keep me here, do you understand?”

Swallowing nervously, she bit her lip as she nodded. “But what if I want to?”

Noticing her lack of clothing for the first time, it was Spike’s turn to gulp. “I don’t know,” he whispered, his body telling him to shut up and do what she wanted.

“Are you afraid to touch me now?” she asked with pain in her eyes.

“No,” Spike said, shaking his head. “I just don’t want to push you.”

Leaning forward to kiss him, Buffy’s fingers hooked in his belt loops and slowly dragged his pants down his legs, breaking away from his lips as she dropped them on the floor.

“Are you sure, luv?”

Buffy looked up at him with a soft smile, straddling his waist. “I’m sure,” she whispered, her lips meeting his as she positioned him at her entrance and moaned as he filled and stretched her.

Both looked into each other's eyes as they gasped for breath. Spike’s hands rested loosely on her thighs, feeling the muscles tense when she began moving. Her movements quickly sped up, causing Spike to tense beneath her.

“Buffy, slow down, pet.”

Not listening to him, she kept up her pace, watching as Spike’s jaw tensed. Not allowing her the control she was craving, he quickly flipped her onto the mattress, giving her a reassuring smile when her eyes widened.

Their lips met in a tender kiss, but Buffy soon felt like she was suffocating with Spike’s body holding her in place. Fighting the panic that was rapidly rising within her, she fought the natural reaction she had to push him away when he began moving with slow thrusts, obviously wanting the moment to be a slower pace.

“Spike, don’t,” she whispered, causing him to immediately stop and pull back to look at her.

Brushing the hair off her face, he kept eye contact with her as he spoke. “Listen to me,” he said in a soothing voice. “I will stop right now if you want me to. Say the word and I will- everything will be fine between us. But if you want to keep doing this, we are not doing the same thing we’ve done in the past.”

“What are you saying?” she whispered, her eyes holding a tinge of fear.

Pulling out slightly, only to push right back into her, Spike never broke eye contact. “I’m going to give you what you deserve.”

Gasping with another thrust, Buffy shook her head. “I-I don’t deserve this…please.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Spike asked, preparing to pull out of her.

“I don’t know,” she whispered, her mind telling her one thing and her body telling her another.

“Say the word and I will,” he said in reassurance, lowering his head to brush kisses along her throat as he slowly pulled out of her. “No more fear,” he whispered. “No more secrets.”

‘No more secrets…no more secrets…no more…’

“Stop,” Buffy said, closing her eyes as Spike immediately rolled away from her.

“Are you alright?”

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Buffy turned to him with watery eyes. “No more secrets?”

Sitting up, Spike looked at her for a long moment. “I’m not going to like this, am I?” he asked, his body tense at the tone of her voice.

“Probably not,” she said, biting her lip as she stood up from the bed.

Spike watched her slowly put her clothes on. His brow furrowed as he pulled his jeans on and walked around the bed to stand in front of her. Gently taking her by the shoulders, he looked into her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Breathing deeply, Buffy looked at him with watery eyes. “I wasn’t entirely honest with you…or your dad from the start.”

‘This doesn’t sound good,’ Spike thought, resisting the urge to sit on the edge of the bed, in preparation of what was to come.

“Alright,” he said slowly, silently urging her to continue.

“There’s really no easy way to say this, so I’ll just come out with it,” Buffy said, gently pulling away from him and taking a few steps back, unconsciously afraid of his reaction. Spike noticed and hated it, but he knew that she needed some space. “I’m not nineteen,” she said quickly, watching his reaction. “I’m seventeen.”

The slight tick of his jaw was his only reaction, and Buffy felt terror grip her body. Spike was a passionate man who never hid anything, and she was expecting a lot more than the blank stare she was getting.

“Say something,” she whispered, taking another step back.

Spike seemed to snap out of it, bringing his hand up to his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. His eyes squeezed shut as if he was trying to alleviate some tension.

“What am I supposed to say, Buffy?” he asked quietly, not wanting to open his eyes and see the emotions on her face.

“I don’t know,” she whispered, taking one more step away from him and feeling her heartbeat speed up when her back hit the wall.

Hearing a soft thump, Spike opened his eyes, his expression softening when he noticed how far away she was. “Come here, baby,” he said softly, opening his arms and smiling when she visibly relaxed and crossed the room. He brushed a tender kiss on top of her head as she snuggled closer to him.

“I don’t know what to say,” he murmured into her hair, feeling her tense slightly but not trying to pull away. “I’m not happy you lied, but you told me the truth and…if we were in England, this wouldn’t be an issue…but we’re here and…”

“I don’t want to lose you,” she whispered fearfully. “You’re the only thing in my life that makes sense.”

“I know…I feel the same way. You’re not going to lose me, Buffy. I’m just not sure what to do now.”

“We could go to England,” Buffy said with a bright smile, pulling away to look at him.

Spike sighed, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as he looked at her. He would give anything to keep that look on her face. To keep her from feeling anymore pain. “I don’t think we can do that, pet.”

Buffy pouted, earning a smile from Spike. “Will you consider it?” she asked hopefully.

Looking at her for a long moment, he felt the idea become more appealing the longer he thought about it. “Maybe,” he said, smiling as her face brightened even more before an idea hit him. “I’ll take you to England, but you have to do some things for me.”

“Like what?” Buffy asked, tilting her head to watch him.

“We’ll have to be honest with my dad,” he said sternly. “He already knows about…us, but I think he should know about your life before you came here.”

“I-I can’t,” Buffy said, shaking her head, already mentally shutting down.

“I can tell him, pet…I just think he needs to know.”

“Why?” she asked miserably.

‘Because I think it’s time Ripper comes out to play,’ he thought.

“I think he’ll be more open to the idea of me taking you out of the country,” he said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

“What are the other things?” she asked, sulking in such a cute way that Spike’s smile brightened.

“Just one…you see a therapist.”

“Spike, we talked about this last night,” she said, already shaking her head. “I don’t want to talk to anyone.”

“I guess we’re staying here then.”

“That’s not fair,” she said with tears in her eyes.

“I know,” Spike whispered, pulling her closer to him. “I didn’t say it was fair, but it’s your choice.”



Thanks so much to: Franchesca, Cordykitten, Nikilicious, willowmouse, Caitie, Reciprocity, BuffyandSpikeForever, pj, spikes slayer, Laine, Amanda & Spashley for reviewing!





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