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Chapter 7 – The One That Matters


Brushing a kiss to Buffy’s forehead, Spike smiled when she moaned in contentment and snuggled closer to him. He relished the feeling that she gave him when she was asleep in his arms. They had been together for over two weeks, and the only time he was able to show her any tenderness without her tensing up was when she was asleep. He’d tried to broach the topic several times, but she always shied away from it, changing the subject.

Spike had never felt this way about anyone, not even Drusilla, and the idea that the tiny blonde had evoked so many emotions in such a short amount of time was more than a little unnerving. He already knew he didn’t want to lose her, but he felt like he couldn’t hold onto her. Like a little more of her was slipping away everyday.

Pulling Buffy closer to his chest, Spike closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of her hair, instantly feeling calm at the aroma of honeysuckle seemed to float around him. With a sigh, he brushed his lips against hers, wishing she would be more open with him. He had tried to get to know her over the past few weeks, but he still felt like he was on the outside looking in at what he couldn’t have. He had her and he knew it, but at the same time he felt like he was so close and didn’t have her. He felt like he was alone even when he was holding her.

Spike knew that her mother died when she was young, but she was reluctant to talk about it or anything that happened as a result. He had assumed she went to live with her father but didn’t push the subject.

Buffy sighed in her sleep, unconsciously snuggling closer to him, her body seeking the warmth and comfort that he provided.

‘If only she would do the same thing when she was awake,’ he thought, staring into her peaceful face.

All Spike wanted to do was make love to her, but she always seemed to evade his advances. The words ‘make love’ never even left her mouth. More often than not, it was ‘fuck’ or ‘screw’, which didn’t serve to settle any of Spike’s unease. He didn’t mind rough sex. Hell, he would bow down before her if she wanted him to. They had a raw, passionate, consuming relationship, but that didn’t sway his thoughts that he wanted to treat her the way she deserved to be treated, if she would only let him.

He knew that the secret of how to open her up was in her past- he just couldn’t seem to figure out how to unlock it.

Hearing a soft sigh, Spike smiled when he saw her eyes begin to sleepily blink awake as she graced him with a soft smile.

“Morning, beautiful,” he said, watching the blush rise to her cheeks.

“Morning,” she said in a soft voice, signaling she wasn’t completely awake. “How long have you been awake?”

“Not long,” he murmured, kissing the skin below her ear and feeling her tense beneath him. With a sigh, Spike pulled away. “Talk to me,” he whispered, brushing the hair out of her face.

“About what?”

“You want to be with me, right?” he asked, a trace of William-like insecurity creeping into his voice.

Buffy giggled, looking at their intertwined bodies, lying intimately in her bed, the way they had been every night and morning for the last two weeks. “I think you could have chosen a better time to ask that than when I’m naked in your arms.”

“You know what I mean, Buffy,” Spike replied, his brow furrowed as he watched her carefully.

Suddenly realizing the seriousness of the conversation, Buffy pulled away from him, crawling out of bed and wrapping herself in a robe. She wanted to feel some kind of reassurance in the simple act of covering herself.

“What are you asking me, Spike?”

Rolling over, Spike stretched his arms and clasped them behind his head. “I’m trying to get a little insight,” he said with a serious expression, studying her carefully.

“Insight into what?” Buffy asked with insecurity heavy in her voice. “Me?”

“Of course you,” he said in a gentle tone.

Sighing and averting her eyes, Buffy walked over to the window. “What do you want to know?”

“Why don’t you let me touch you?” Spike asked, climbing out of bed and slipping on a pair of his sweatpants.

Buffy looked at him incredulously. “I just woke up in your arms after having sex with you for the better half of the night- I think that qualifies as touching.”

“Yeah?” Spike replied skeptically as he walked toward her. Pulling her close to his body he wrapped his arms around her waist, letting his hands tenderly caress her stomach and arching an eyebrow when she immediately tried to pull away. “Why?” he asked again.

“I don’t know,” Buffy replied, feeling guilty for the little white lie, but it didn’t stop her from continuing to back away from him. “I-I just don’t like it…please don’t push me on this.”

Taking a deep breath, Spike stepped toward her again, gently pulling her close in the way he knew that she liked. “How many men have you been with?”

Buffy tensed, practically jerking her body away from him as the past threatened to spill the memories that she wanted to bury. “Why?”

“I know you’re not a virgin, Buffy. I’m just wondering,” he said, trying to keep his tone light.

“Well, how many women have you been with?” she countered.

“Three,” Spike responded immediately, his eyes never leaving hers. “Four, counting you. Your turn.”

Swallowing and nervously wringing her hands together, Buffy avoided his strong gaze. “You’re the only one that mattered,” she murmured, knowing that she was laying a lot on the line, but it was the only answer that wanted to come out.

Spike felt his heart swell but frowned when he realized she’d avoided the question altogether. “Buffy-”

“Spike, just drop it, okay?” she said angrily, walking to the other side of the room, moving quickly before he pulled her back to him.

“Is the number so high you don’t want to tell me?” Spike asked, getting defensive at her angry tone. He didn’t care how many men she’d been with, but he did care that she didn’t want to be honest with him.

Feeling tears spring to her eyes, Buffy turned to look at him with a hurt expression. “That’s really not the issue,” she said softly, walking out the door.



Thanks so much to: Cordykitten, Franchesca, Reciprocity, Caitie, spikes_niblet, pj, BuffyandSpikeForever, willowmouse, Erika & Laine for reviewing!





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