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Author's Chapter Notes:
Wow, thanks for all the wonderful feedback:) I'm going to try to respond one on one soon:) You guys are the best.

I'm also sorry for how the story is coming off formated here. I'm including links to where the story is also archieved for easy reading.
Archived at: Spuffy Realm

Spike/Buffy Central

Fiction Journal




10

Giles pinched the bridge of his nose as he sit with his elbows on his knees, as deep in thought as he had ever been. He hadn’t said anything…in fact…he was still hoping that his conclusions were wrong…but he had his suspicions about what had happened to his slayer in the past weeks. The paleness. Her skin, so cool to the touch…the puncture wounds on the side of her neck…there was only one conclusion he could come up with and that was that his slayer was now a vampire…the very creature she hunted. For Joyce’s sake, he had kept quiet, not to mention that it seemed very unlikely that Buffy was going to harm any of them. If she had the intention of harm, one of them wouldn’t be in this house right now.

She hadn’t seemed like a monster at all, really. She seemed like she had always been. She seemed like Buffy. Could it be that her being the slayer made her retain her soul? Good lord, was she souled? If so…why this must be a nightmare for her. He remembered the nightmare episode, where it became clear what her worst fear was. Being vamped. How did she survive? Had she been forced to feed from humans? He had so many questions that needed to be answer. He was sitting on pins and needles to find out the answers.

“Xander and Willow are on their way,” Joyce took a seat across from Giles, nervously wringing her hands. “They’re such good friends to my Buffy. She’s lucky to have them.”

“Yes. Quite so,” Giles nodded, still distracted by the questions running wild through his head. Looking at Joyce, he wondered what her reaction would be if it turned out that Buffy was among the walking dead? Would she still love her? Support her? If not…he didn’t want to think what it would do to his slayer.

A soft knock disrupted Giles’s thoughts. He watched as Joyce got to her feet and opened the door to the two people that loved Buffy just as much as he did.

“Willow. Xander,” He greeted, getting to his own feet, placing his glasses back on top his nose, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible. He didn’t want no signs of happiness or sorrow to color their judgment at the moment. He wanted to prepare them for what was to come…but it was best if it all came from Buffy. Especially if he was wrong and she was still among the living.

“Hi Giles,” Willow waved, her normally shy, yet cheerful smile somber and her eyes full of sorrow.

“How’s it hanging, G-man,” Xander nodded, his eyes dim with fading hope. He had kept the faith of his friend’s safe return, but the longer she was gone…the more that hope faded.

“Do come in,” Giles stood to the side, allowing the teens entrance, yet still not revealing the fact that Buffy was home. Most likely changed forever…but home, where she belonged

“What is this about, Giles? I was in the middle of a study session for an exam tomorrow…and why did you want us to come here?” Willow asked after greeting Joyce with a hug and settling down on the loveseat, next to Xander. It wasn’t that she didn’t like seeing Giles…it was just…too many memories of Buffy. Memories that seem to just rip at her, no matter what she did to alleviate the pain.

Giles stared at Willow, a bit taken aback by her attitude. Usually, she was happy to be included in impromptu scooby meetings and doing extra research for him. At times, it seemed to be the highlight of her day, but now she acted as if he was disturbing her somehow. Like, she had no time for any of it anymore, now that she thought her friend to be gone.

Willow cringed at the hurt in Giles’s eyes. She hadn’t meant to sound so harsh…it’s just that…well…now with Buffy gone and no slayer…what was the use anymore?

“What Willow meant to say there G-man, was why the scooby meeting? Buffy hasn’t returned…has she?” Xander asked, the small tone of hope in his voice as he tried to smooth away the tension between Willow and Giles.

Giles sighed. This was not going to be easy. Telling Buffy that she was going to die at the hands of The Master was easier than this. “As a matter of fact…she has returned to us…but…I’m afraid that there may have been some changes…”

“Changes? What changes? Buffy’s ok, isn’t she? She’s still Buffy…right?” Willow asked. She’s lived on the hellmouth long enough to know that sometimes, things aren’t as normal as they may seem. If something had happened to Buffy…well…the word change…it was rather loaded.

“As far as I can tell…she’s the Buffy we all know and love…it’s just that…I rather not say. Not until I’ve had a chance to examine her some more…,” Giles cleared his throat. “Right now, she’s still sleeping and…”

“Xander. Willow.”

Buffy stood at the top of the stairs, relief and joy at being reunited with her friends evident in her eyes. She knew that things were different from before. She was no longer Buffy the vampire slayer, friend to Xander and Willow, daughter to Joyce. She was now Buffy the turned slayer and the only thing she was sure of was Spike’s love. Spike. He needed her. There was no telling what Angelus was doing to him at that moment. Time was of the essence. She was going to explain what had happened to her, hopefully recruit help, and then return for the man that loved her so much that he had given his own body for punishment than see her harmed in any way. She wasn’t going to fail Spike. She couldn’t…not after realizing her love for him and his for her…not after experiencing the taste of his lips or the feel of his body against hers. Angelus’s days were numbered and soon she’ll be in her sire’s arms once again. Nothing was going to get in the way of that. Buffy took careful steps down to her friends, who looked at her with wide tearful eyes. She smiled, feeling a bit sheepish. They must have been so worried about her…so scared. Without much more thought, she ran into their arms, tears of her own falling. She hadn’t realized just how much she had missed them until their arms pulled her close.

“Where were you,” sobbed Willow.

“I knew you weren’t dead. I just knew,” Xander chuckled. “I told them to wait. I told them you’d come back. You just needed a bit more time.”

“That’s my Xand. Never believe the worse,” Buffy smiled, pulling out of his arms. “God, I’ve missed you guys.”

“Where have you been Buffy?” Willow scooted over so Buffy could sit between herself and Xander.

Buffy looked down at her hands, the butterflies in her stomach waking up and moving around at last. This was it. The moment she’s been dreading since she had heard her friend’s voices in the living room, questioning Giles decision to call them over. It was time to share what had happened to her and what she must do now that she was home again. She didn’t think that they would understand…she wasn’t expecting them to. She could only hope that they’d accept her for what she was and her decision to be with Spike…once she rescued him.

“It’s a long story.”

“Well, Buff. We have time,” Xander forced himself not to look away from her. He had a feeling that things weren’t as right as they seemed, and looking at Giles, who just stood and cleaned his glasses relentlessly, he’d say that the feeling was right on the money.

“Do tell us Buffy. We’re all friends here,” Giles nodded, pushing back his own trepidation. He prayed that his feelings were wrong. His slayer…the girl he had grown to love as a daughter…please don’t let her be what she dreaded the most.

“Just start from the beginning,” Joyce encouraged her daughter as she entered the room, a dish towel in hand.

Buffy smiled nervously at her mother, and then looked down at her hands, wishing that Spike was there. She could use some of his strength right about now. She stifled a sob at the thought of her sire. She wondered where he was at that moment…what Angelus was doing to him. She tried to reach out numerous times through the childe/sire bond, just to find the way blocked. Obviously, he was protecting her, from what he was going through…but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

“Buffy?” Willow touched her friend’s hand, concerned by the sudden silence and the gleam of unshed tears in the slayer’s eyes. “It’s ok. Whatever it is…we won’t judge. I promise.”

“Right. We’re here for you Buff,” Xander nodded his agreement.

Her lips trembled as she forced a smile. These were her friends. They loved her. They wouldn’t turn her away. They’ll deal and then…they’ll help her get Spike back and destroy Angelus somehow. She was sure of it. After all…that’s what friends do.

Buffy took a deep breath and then met eyes with Giles and held his gaze. She would need his strength for this, since Spike’s was unavailable at the moment.

“You remember how slow patrol had been a few weeks back, right? Hardly a vampire to be found. Well…I suppose I wasn’t really paying that much attention. I was patrolling the cemetery…as usual. I didn’t find any vampires…but I did find a demon smashing up a crypt. I couldn’t just let it get away with destroying someone’s resting place…so I did my thing…it did it’s thing…and I ended up with a claw in the gut and was left to die, bleeding on the grass.”

“Oh my god,” Joyce gasped, the dishtowel falling from her hand. Again, she thought of how she hated her daughter’s life. This slaying thing was going to kill Buffy sooner or later…she wished there was something she could do to stop that from happening…such as forcing Buffy to quite the slayer business all together. Let Rupert find someone else to fight his monsters.

“Buffy,” Willow gasped in fear for her friend. Fear that was a little late, now that the ordeal seemed to be over and Buffy was safe and sound…but still…she must have been so scared.

“It’s ok, Wills. I’m fine,” Buffy reassured the frowning red-head, who now had a tight hold of her arm. Dear, sweet Willow. Buffy couldn’t ask for a better friend.

Giles cleared his throat, feeling that there was more to this sordid tale. There were so many questions still left unanswered, such as why it took so long for her to return to them. Where had she been all this time? Most importantly…how did she survive the attack? Had she survive it?

“Buffy…you don’t look as if you’ve been attacked by a demon. If I may say so myself, you look pretty much whole…if not pale. Do tell us the rest,” the squeak of cloth against glass was the only sound as silence descended. The question had been asked. In only a matter of time, it’ll be answered.

Buffy looked away from her family and friends. She got to her feet and stood in the middle of the room, her arms clutching her shoulders as she faced the inquisitive stares. This was going to be harder…much harder than she had originally thought. How could she make them understand? How can she expect them to accept her and her sire? How could she expect them to help her in getting Spike back? All she could do was trust that they wouldn’t stake first and ask questions later. It was her trust in them that kept her from fleeing the house all together.

“About that…well…you see…I…I didn’t exactly survive. I was just laying there, minding my own business…which was dying I suppose…when who came out of nowhere ranting about that ho of a girlfriend of his…”

“Spike,” Giles spat, his eyes heated with contempt. He should have known that blond menace had something to do with this. If he ever saw that creature again…

“Yes. Spike,” her voice quivered as she said the name, her mind going back to the last time she saw him, struggling with Angelus…to save her…”Spike came. He…he blamed the thing with Dru on me and…well…he figured out that I was dying. He thought it wasn’t a suitable death for a slayer…so…he turned me.”

Again, silence filled the room. Everyone just stared at her in horrified shock…all except for Giles, who had his suspicions the first time she flew into his arms and he came in contact with cool skin. His suspicions were now confirmed. Now it was time to explore whether she had retained her soul and if she had ever fed from a human. What if she was soulless? What if she had fed off humans? Would he be strong enough to do the right thing by her? Would Joyce even let him?

“Wait a minute,” Xander got to his feet with a nervous laugh, hoping that he had heard incorrectly. “You were burned? How were you burned? Unless you’re talking about…”

“She said turned, Xand,” Willow’s voice was low and a bit apologetic, knowing that she was denying her friend his state of denial, but the situation called for all senses to be present. Buffy…her friend…her protector…she was now one of the very creatures she feared most.

“Guys, I know that it seems bad…believe me, I was all down with the bad as well…”

“I’d say,” Xander snorted.

“Quiet,” Giles snapped, his patience about to break. This was important. In the next few minutes, a decision will be made. To dust, or not to dust. There was no time for silly shenanigans.

“Xander…Giles…I know that you’re freaked. I was freaked too, but it’s not as bad as it seems. I…I still have my soul. Somehow…I retained it. Don’t ask me how or why…Spike said it was because…I‘m the slayer. It‘s permanent, so there‘s no happiness clause. I‘m safe.”

“Yes, of course. I should have known,” Giles sighed, relieved that his earlier fears were now laid to rest, and how silly they were. He had read in his early studies of vamped slayers and how they had killed their sires before killing themselves as well. How could he have been so forgetful. Getting old, Rupert, old man. Forgetting studies when they were the most useful, he chided himself.

“So you’re still Buffy?” Willow asked hopefully.

“New and improved Buffy with extra super strength…that is if I feed properly. Haven’t done that since I was turned, not even when Spike…,” her eyes grew round again with grief as her mind returned to Spike and why he was in such danger. All because of her…all because he wanted to take care of her. “Oh god, Giles! Spike! You have to help me! You have to help me get to him!”

“Of course we will, Buff. That blood sucker is going to pay for what he did to you,” Xander nodded with steely determination, visions of Jesse flashing through his head. Ever since Jesse’s death, Xander had sworn that he wouldn’t let another friend be vamped without proper retribution. Spike was going to pay for turning Buffy.

“No! No, you don’t understand. I don’t mean kill Spike…I mean…,” Buffy sighed, looking away from her friends, not feeling the comforting weight of her mother’s arms wrapping around her. “I want you to help me…god, you won’t understand…I don’t know why…I should never have come here…”

“Baby, don’t say that. We’re glad you came here, and whatever it is, we’ll understand. We’ll help anyway we can,” Joyce stroked her daughter’s hair, glaring at Giles and the two teenagers that claimed to be her daughter’s friends. It was time for them to start living up to that meaning. She dared them to contradict her. “Now tell us, what’s going on. What do you want us to do?”

Buffy rubbed away her tears, not daring to look up at her friends and find the disgust and loathing that was bound to be there when she told them that she had somehow fallen in love with her sire and that she wanted to rescue him from Angelus’s wrath. “When Angelus found out that Spike had turned me…he wasn’t happy. I should have known that he would be keeping an eye on us. I should have insisted that we leave the mansion and find a new place…but…” She was flustered. She didn’t know where to begin. How could she make them understand? How could she make them want to help rescue the vampire that had turned her? She just couldn’t see how.

“Just start from where you feel most comfortable,” Giles stepped up next to Joyce and took his slayer’s hand, lending his strength. He didn’t care if she was a vampire. She was still his Buffy, and that was all that mattered. Whatever she wanted to do…he’ll support her full heartedly. No questions asked.

Buffy sniffed. This was going to be hard, but already she had the support of two of the most important people in her life. As long as she had them…she’d be ok. Even if Willow and Xander decided to walk away.

“It’s all because I wouldn’t feed from humans. Spike tried to get me to hunt, but I had refused. Then he’d hunt for me and bring them to the lair…still, I refused to feed off of humans. Period. Nothing he would say, do, or even threaten would get me to take that final step to becoming…becoming what I am now. He wasn’t happy with me in the least. But he cared…he cared about me so much that he let me feed from him.”

“What?” Giles’s eyes widened in shock. He had read up on vampire lore, and feeding from another vampire for food was expressingly forbiddened. It was punishable by death. For Spike to do such a thing…what had he been thinking? If Angelus had found out…as head of the line…Buffy could have been killed!

“I take it you know that it’s forbiddened for a vampire to feed off another vampire,” Buffy sighed, not bothering to look away from her watcher, knowing tht if he looked hard enough, he’d see the love she held for Spike, the heartache that just knowing he was in pain because of her was causing her. “When I fed from Spike…I saw things…I saw him. His past, and let me tell you, William The Bloody, not what you think it means, but anyway…I saw his past. I saw his present…I saw his heart and Giles…it was so full of love and devotion and loyalty and fear to give that to anyone else. Dru had trampled all over his heart, and all I wanted to do was take care of it…to heal it…Giles…mom…guys. Seeing all of that…I couldn’t help it. I fell in love with him. I know it was fast, and I know you probably think it’s the sire/childe bond, but it’s not. It’s something way above that. I love Spike…and he loves me. He’s who I want to be with.”

“Can I just be the first one to say…ew,” Xander raised his hand, his face a mixture of dismay and disgust. He hated Spike and to think that his best friend had feelings for the guy…it just…he just couldn’t fathom it.

“Xander…you don’t understand…you don’t know him. Not like I do.”

“Buffy…you said that you needed our help. Maybe you should explain what you mean by that,” Giles sighed, not wanting to get in the middle of a debate of why Buffy should or should not love a vampire that seemed to have caused her nothing but harm.

Giles was right. She was just wasting valuable time arguing with Xander. Taking a deep breath, Buffy continued. “Some how, Angelus found out that I was feeding from Spike. So tonight, he came to our chambers to I guess give me my punishment. Things didn’t go as he planned, because Spike attacked him first and then ordered me to run. At first I wasn’t going to go anywhere…I was going to try to help. I wasn’t at full strength, but I wasn’t about to stand there and let Angelus hurt Spike. But then…somehow Spike forced me leave. He told me to run home, run to where they’ll take care of me. The next thing I know, I’m crying on Giles’s doorstep. Oh god, and Spike…he’s at Angelus’s mercy! I’ve tried reaching out to him through the bond, but he’s blocking me. Who knows what Angelus is doing to him and it’s all my fault!” Buffy wailed in despair, all her emotions tumbling down on her, as she leaned into her mother’s embrace. “Please, help me…help me get him out of there! I can’t leave him there! I can’t…I love him so much!”

Giles stroked the girl’s hair and sighed, his own heart tight with sadness for the sobbing young woman. If only Buffy was at her full strength as a turned slayer…but she wasn’t. She was going to need human blood if she had any hope of rescuing Spike from Angelus. “You can’t possibly defeat Angelus as you are now. You’ll need to feed off of human blood,” Giles pinched the bridge of his nose. “There’s no way of getting around that. Especially right now, when you’re…well…a fledgling really. “

“What are you saying? That if I want to save Spike, I’ll have to kill?” Buffy’s eyes widened in horror, along with bursts of protests from Xander and Willow. “Giles, I can’t! I’m still the slayer. I protect humans, not…eat them!”

“Do you want to save Spike?” Giles asked, wanting to see just how far she’d go to save her sire. Most childer would go the distance…but what if that childe was a ensouled vamped slayer? What would win out? Her lust for this creature, or her morals as the slayer.

“Yes, but there has to be another way…something other than killing humans! Spike and I…we didn’t really have a chance to explore it, but there has to be something twice as good as human blood!”

Giles sighed, again rubbing at his eyeglasses. “There is. Slayer’s blood. Another option that is not possible. Drusilla killed Kendra, and we have yet to know if another slayer had even been called, not to mention the repercussions of your being vamped…”

Tears of despair now fell from Buffy’s eyes, her hope beginning to dim. There was going to be no other choice. She was going to have to kill a human to save Spike and most likely leave her old life here in her mother’s house, surrounded by watcher, family, and friends far behind. But that was ok. She’d deal. Just as long as she had Spike by her side. “There’s no choice is there?”

Giles’s heart broke. She sounded so sad…so lost. He’d move heaven and hell to keep her, and somehow he knew that if she killed a human…he’d lose her forever. So he was going to have to find a way to help Buffy. Keep her from killing, while helping her free…Spike. He fought the grimace that just the name itself brought to his face. Needless to say that he wasn’t happy with her choice…but it was her choice to make and he wouldn’t take that away from her. She’s lost too much as it is.

“Shhh, my dear girl. You must be exhausted and the sun will be up soon. Go to your room and get some sleep. We’ll stay down here and brainstorm,” He pulled her into a hug, feeling every much the father he wish he could be.

“But Giles…”

“Buff, go ahead,” Xander nodded, noticing the clear exhaustion in her eyes. “Go to sleep. We’ll research.”

Buffy sighed in resignation. It was fruitless to argue. For now…she’ll leave operation rescue Spike in the hands of her friends. They obviously weren’t going to take no for an answer. “Fine. But if you come up with something…come get me. Deal?”

The small group nodded and watched the exhausted vampiress head up to her room. Once they were sure she was gone, they exploded in a series of arguments and exclamations. Xander wanted to forget about Spike and help Buffy deal. Willow wanted to help get Spike back for Buffy. Giles wanted to take care of his slayer, and Joyce…she just wanted her daughter to smile again, and if that meant her being with this Spike…well then so be it.

“So what’s the plan? I mean…we aren’t really planning to go rescue Spike are we? Because…well, come on. It’s Spike,” Xander looked at Giles, wondering what was going through the Englishman’s mind at the moment. “I mean…the guy’s tried to kill us all at one time or another.”

“But it’s what Buffy wants. We can’t just leave him there. I mean…if we don’t help, then she’ll go by herself and you heard Giles. She can’t defeat Angelus on her own…not without feeding on humans,” Willow nervously wrung her hands. “I think we should help her, and I know how we can.”

“Willow?” Giles came to attention.

“She can feed off us…not enough to kill, of course.”

“But how would that work? I mean…wouldn’t it have to be a whole person?” Xander asked.

“I think enough blood from each one of us would be enough to equal to one person. What do you think Giles?”

“Willow…you may be right. But we’ll have to run it pass Buffy. She’s not going to like it.”

“But she’ll do it if we reassure her that there’s no danger,” Willow grinned, excited that she had found a way to help her friend.

“You know…it’s a crazy idea…crazy enough to work,” a slow smile inched it’s way across Giles face. “We’ll present the idea to Buffy after she awakens. She’ll be able to think more clearly then.”

The small group stood in the middle of the room, talking over the plan, dispelling reservations and building up resolve. They were determined to do this thing for Buffy…even if they thought that the rescue mission was a waste of time.

~*~

Angelus circled Spike as he was still hanging from the ceiling. Drusilla stood to the right, a hot poker in hand, and an insanely eager gleam in her eye. She couldn’t help the maniacal giggle that rose from her throat at the thought of causing her childe even more pain for his disobedience.

“I’ll ask you again, Spike. Where did you send your little bitch off too. You’re wasting my time and I don’t like my time to be wasted. While I’m torturing you…I could be giving the bitch what she so rightfully deserves. Stop being such a fool, boy! Where is she?!” Angelus now stood face to face with Spike, who slowly looked up at his grandsire, who glared hatefully at the other vampire.

“Wonderland,” Spike laughed as Angelus roared with anger and barked an order at Dru. The laugh turned to a howl of pain as Dru plunged the hot poker into Spike’s side.

“Now. I’m going to ask you again. If I don’t like the answer…well…that hot poker will contain holy water next time. Now. Where is Buffy?”

“Toledo,” Spike panted, preparing for the pain, but nothing prepared him for what came next. As they tortured him, Spike again sent Buffy a message to stay away…to leave Sunnydale if necessary. Any hope for himself…it was completely gone. The only hope he contained was that his childe…the woman who held his heart would survive. As long as Buffy lived…nothing else mattered.





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