Author's Chapter Notes:
A big thank you to everyone for the wonderful reviews
7

The library was deathly silent. Not a sound could be heard from the three somber inhabitants. It’s been three weeks since Buffy’s disappearance. It was time to face the awful truth…a truth that they had been denying for far too long. Buffy…their slayer and friend…was gone. There was no more hope to be had.

“I hope it was quick,” Willow wiped away a tear, her mind still refusing to grasp the loss of her best friend. It seemed like yesterday that the petite blond had forced her way into their lives. “Do you think it was quick?” She looked up, her voice filled with a sad hope that her heart refused to feel.

“I…I just can’t believe it…I mean…we don’t even have a body,” Xander shook his head, unable to accept the death of another friend…this time the girl who had saved his own life more then he could count. It seemed like yesterday when he had discovered her status as a slayer and his disbelief…until he got a look at Willow’s “date”. He had thought she’d live forever…he never even considered the possibility that one day, his friend would be gone. “How do we know she’s dead?”

“Xander…she’s been gone for weeks now. She would have contacted us by now if she was ok,” Willow winced at her own words, coming to grips that Buffy was gone for good. There was no more hope that she’d come walking through that door, as right as rain. She hated to be the one to dash Xander’s hopes…but she had no choice. She couldn’t keep up dead hope and neither could he. Doing so would destroy them both.

“Of course, there being no body means only one thing…” Giles cleared his throat, fighting the nervous temptation of cleaning his glasses.

“NO!” Xander stood from his seat, shaking his head, his eyes full of vehement denial. No. Not another friend…not Buffy. He couldn’t lose another friend to vampirism…he just couldn’t. There must be another explanation…an explanation that was more acceptable than that. “Not Buffy. No…”

“It’s a possibility that we must be prepared for Xander. Believe me, I hate the thought as much as you do,” Giles sighed, giving in to his habit as he turned away from the two teens that glared at the table in their grief.

“I can’t believe this is happening…” Willow frowned once again.

Xander had enough. He was tired of this. Willow’s reluctant acceptance and Giles’s hopelessness. The only one still willing to hope that his friend was alive…just incapacitated, was himself…so it was up to him to help her. Buffy needed him. He could feel it and just because the watcher and his other friend had lost faith…that didn’t mean he would. He was going to find Buffy and bring her home…even if it was the last thing he did.

“Xander, where are you going?” Willow asked as Xander got out to storm out the door. She was concerned for her former crush. She knew what Buffy had meant to Xander. She was his hero and if he could help the slayer out of a jam, he was there. The only problem with that was that it would get him killed.

“Xander, you fool! Get back here,” Giles grabbed the young man’s arm and pushed him back down onto the chair. “Going out, looking for Buffy is fruitless and not to mention dangerous. I absolutely forbid you to go out there in search of her. What you are going to do is join Willow and I in breaking the news to Joyce. She has the right to put her daughter to rest…”

“Put her to rest? But…” Xander began to protest, but fell silent as Giles intense glare pierced through his determination. He did want to find Buffy…but G-man was right. Going out by himself would only get him killed. But there had to be something he could do…he just couldn’t give up. Buffy was still out there. He just couldn’t accept otherwise. “don’t you think we should give it a few more days? Give Mrs. Summers a little more time to at least believe that Buffy’s coming home? You’ve already dashed Will’s hope. Why are you so gung-ho to destroy ours?”
Giles looked as if he had just been hit with one of the heavy tomes he kept on the top floors of the library. Positively shocked. He hadn’t expected Xander to sound so bitter. Well…actually he shouldn’t have been too shocked. Xander had always held Buffy upon a pedestal, and to think that she was mortal after all…even after the bout with The Master…it was just impossible for the boy to comprehend.

“It is not the case of dashing hopes, Xander. It’s accepting the obvious. As much as it breaks my heart to do so…I have to accept that my slayer will not be coming home. You’d be wise to do the same. But I’ll do as you ask. I’ll wait before informing Joyce. Lord knows, the poor woman needs all the hope and faith she can get.”

Xander nodded his acceptance, relieved that he brought Buffy a little more time to come home and prove Giles wrong. His friend was alive and vibrant as ever. It was just a matter of getting her back home where she belonged.

~*~

“That’s enough, pet,” Spike gently pushed Buffy away from his neck as he felt himself weaken a bit. It’s been another week and Buffy was still getting her nourishment from him. He had no idea how long he was going to be able to keep this up. He was a bit weaker than before and soon Dru and Angelus would be bound to notice that something was up. His arms tightened around his childe as he once again thought of what Angelus would do if he found out their little secret. The bloody wanker would have no second thoughts about punishing her. Spike silently swore to the newly vamped slayer…he’d die before he let Angelus touch her.

“Spike,” Buffy sighed, letting her body relax against him. She couldn’t believe that in such a short amount of time, she’s grown to care for Spike. Not too long ago, she had hated him. Her fondest dream was to see him dust. Now, that was her worst nightmare.

Somehow, her feelings were growing more and more each day. Soon it was going to be full blown love, which was fine. But would he share her feelings or would he laugh, telling her that she was just a replacement for Drusilla, nothing more. She wouldn’t be able to bare if it he did. She would go meet the sun that very day. She knew she was risking a lot in asking, but she had to know. She was so tired of wondering how much Spike cared for her? Most of all…why did he turn her? Why didn’t he just let her bleed to death? None of it made sense. There was only two reasons she could think of. Either he loved her…or he wanted her to suffer, because she hated this existence as a vampire. It had been a nightmare of hers for so long…if he had wanted her to suffer…this would have been a way to accomplish such a ambition.

“Why did you turn me? I’ve been going over it in my head and it just doesn’t make sense. We’ve been fighting for so long…you’ve made it quite clear that you hated me…I just don’t understand.”

Spike sighed. That was a question he had gone through in his own head a number of times and the only reason he could come up with was respect. He couldn’t let her die by the claw of an unknown demon, who seemed to have cared less that he had just gotten the best of the killer of their kind. He had to save her. There was no way that he was going to let the best bloody slayer he had ever fought die in such a manner. He didn’t care how put out his sire and grandsire got.

He shrugged and looked away, not daring to look her in the eye. “Couldn’t let you die like that. Best sodding slayer I fought.. You deserved better than that.”

Buffy would have laughed at the irony of it all if she hadn’t experienced the wave of thoughts and emotions she got from Spike whenever she fed from him. Spike. A soulless, unclean, vampire had a sense of honor. Love definitely wasn’t the only thing her sire was capable of. She didn’t know to be happy or sad for such knowledge. As a man, Spike had been an innocent, sent to his death by a woman that couldn’t appreciate the love she was offered. William. A poet. An honorable man…a man that had managed to hang on to some of his humanity when he became a monster. He had deserved so much better then what he got. It wasn’t fair.

“I should hate you, you know. I should stake you right here and now for turning me.”

Spike looked away, not wanting her to see the hurt that her words had caused. She was right, after all. She had every right to hate him. He wouldn’t blame her if she dusted him right there and then. Yet, something told him that killing him was the farthest thing from the slayer’s mind. Bloody hell…what did the bint want? Why was she telling him this? If she was going to dust him, fine. She could have at it. But if not…she was just wasting his time. “Why don’t you then? You’re a slayer. You can do me in anytime you want. So tell me, why don’t you kill me. Take out your sodding revenge?”

He had a point there. Why hadn’t she dusted him by now? Any self-respecting, recently turned slayer would have done so by now? Really, what was holding her back? Well…she was kind of weak, and Spike was doing his best to take care of her, even going against some vampire rules…yet, somehow she knew that wasn’t the real reason she hadn’t staked her sire. There was something in her heart that stopped her, that chased the thought from her mind. She had to admit, she didn’t really want to dust him. Their relationship had grown to something beyond sire and childe. She had to admit it to herself, if not to him, she was falling in love. She had thought it was impossible to have these strong feelings for anyone else after she had lost Angel, but she had been wrong. Wrong on so many levels. Those feelings were returning to her and this time stronger then they had ever been for her ex. Her feelings for Spike…they were purer, stronger…more real.

“Spike…I…I don’t know. I know I should…but I don’t want to,” She looked away, cursing herself for her cowardess. She should just tell him the truth. She had feelings for him and they were growing stronger every day, and it wasn’t because he was her sire. It was because he was Spike. But no. She chickened out. Afraid that he would laugh at her. Tell her that she was just a conquest. Lying was safer. Her heart couldn’t be broken if he didn’t know the depth of her feelings for him.

“And I didn’t want you to die. Not yet anyway,” Spike smirked, getting up from the bed to stand against the far wall as he lit a cigarette.

Buffy didn’t know what to say. She was touched that he seemed to care enough for her, to not want her to die. Of course, she kind of knew it by the fact that he let her feed from him, but still…to hear him say it…it made her nervousness to share her deepening feelings for him lessen. “Spike…I…”
She didn’t get to finish the sentence. Drusilla came through the door, her eyes gleamed with evil intent as they landed on Buffy. Spike came to attention and immediately intercepted his ex as she headed in the slayer’s direction.

“What you want Dru?” Spike asked, weary and with good reason. He had seen her play with newly turned fledglings. Torturing them in ways that would make even Peaches wince. He didn’t want any of that near his childe. He swore to protect the slayer. That meant keeping his insane sire and her “daddy” away from her.

“Ms. Edith says that little dolly is ready for playing. We shall have all kinds of fun. We shall make candle light play across her skin. Do you like candles?” Dru’s gaze fell on Buffy, who backed up a bit. Her heightened senses were screaming danger as her demon came to the forefront. Somehow she knew that if it weren’t for Spike, she’d be dead now…or even worse.

“She’s not for the playing Dru. She belongs to me. So better bugger off back to daddy. Don’t want him thinking you’re stepping out on him, do you?” Spike shook his head and welled himself not to back down. Dru may be his sire, but when push came to shove, he could stand his ground. He wasn’t going to let her touch Buffy.

“But Spike, she’s so pretty and Ms. Edith will be cross if she doesn’t come to tea.” Dru pouted, her eyes gazing into Spike’s, attempting to pull him into her thrall. She frowned as she ran into a brick wall. Her William seemed to be immune to her charms now. “My William. She has ruined you for me.”

“You ruined me for you, pet. Now get out and stay away from her. She’s mine,” Spike pushed Drusilla back into the hall, and slammed the door in her face. He turned around to find Buffy looking as if she was a sodding deer caught in some headlights, with some big tracker coming down upon her. He hurried to her side and pulled her into a protective embrace, wanting her to know that she was safe, he would never let either of them get their hands on her. “Don’t fret, pet. As long as ole Spike is around, you’re safe. Promise. But it may be a good idea to move out of this place. That way Dru’s not tempted to make a return visit.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” she held tight to his shoulders, afraid that Drusilla would return and force her from Spike’s side. She closed her eyes as her love for her ever protective sire deepened. She knew then that she would tell him soon that she loved him. If he rejected her…she’ll deal. But she at least wanted him to know that she no longer thought of him as an enemy. She needed him to know that he held her heart before anything could happen to either of them.





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