Chapter 14: Past explored
“Who’s Drusilla?”
Spike felt his mouth go dry and his head snapped up to look at her. He wasn’t naive enough to think she hadn’t heard the name, yet in the same respect he wasn’t prepared for her to come right out and ask him.
“She’s someone from my past.”
Buffy could see that he was unprepared for her to ask that, and although she could see that he had shut himself off at the reminder of her name, she was intrigued as to why. What had this person done to hurt him?
Buffy was determined to find out.
“Tell me about her… please?”
Spike heaved a sigh – he knew she wouldn’t let it rest until he told her.
“There isn’t much to tell, really.” He repeated her earlier words, which had the intended affect of getting a smile from her. “Drusilla was my fiancée.”
Buffy was shocked. She had heard the name in connection with William, but she would never have thought they had been engaged. “Tell me what happened?”
“Drusilla Emerson.” Spike shut his eyes as though envisioning her stood in front of them, opening his eyes slowing he looked over at Buffy. “I’m sure you have heard her name.”
Buffy nodded. It was true she had heard her name before but that was as far as it went, she didn’t know the history between the two or anything else about her really except for her name, and her position in society.
“Yeah, well, very high up in society she was, the perfect catch. Liam kept pushing me to woo her – course I’d never met her, I’m not right likely going to go and propose to some bint I’ve never met now am I? When we actually did meet I was prepared for everything except for actually falling in love with her. Hit me like an 8-horse carriage did that one. Dru was my dark beauty; she completely stole my heart. We courted and I proposed.”
Buffy felt a tinge of … well she was unsure what she felt, she was sure it couldn’t be jealousy for the way he talked about Drusilla.
“Well, it turned out that she wanted to have her cake and to eat it. Although she had chosen me, and before you say anything, yes I think she loved me, but as I was saying, it seemed that although she had chosen me she was still having her pleasures satisfied by every other would be suitor. When I found out I was forced to do what any other man of upper class society would do - I had to break of the engagement. I tell you now though: I would have done anything to keep her mine. I didn’t give a bugger to what society thought, but I was forced to let her go, even though she was never really mine anyway. Tore my heart out it did when she left.”
Buffy felt such strong compassion towards him that she found herself moving across the blanket getting closer to him. She placed her hand gently on his knee. She just wanted to show some form of comfort. She hated what Drusilla had done to him, how much she had hurt him, it wasn’t right. If she ever saw her, Buffy knew she wouldn’t hesitate to give the little strumpet a piece of her mind.
“Where is she now?”
Spike took a large gulp of his wine before looking at Buffy again. “Well that’s a tricky question love, the thing about Drusilla is she’s a complete sack of hammers.” Noticing Buffy’s bemused look he decided to elaborate, “What I mean is she’s crazy.
Now when we were together I was that scared of losing her I managed to keep it hidden from everyone, through sheer effort I might add, but still nobody knew. When I broke off the engagement however, and she was no longer my fiancée, which meant I could no longer protect her. The whole village found out, accused her of being a witch they did, wanted to see her hang for it as well. Turns out though Dru has friends in high places, though I’m in no doubt now she would probably have done something to repay the services, anyway the Mayor stepped in and all charges where dropped. I think some members of the village still think she’s a witch despite what good ol’ Richard says. But as for your original question of where she is now, to be honest I haven’t a clue. Good old daddy shipped her off, she’s no doubt somewhere now doing it all over again.” Buffy noticed the slight note of distain in his voice but didn’t mention it. “I’m sure we will all no doubt see her again, but only when the time is perfect for her.”
Sliding closer to him, Buffy refilled the now empty glass of wine in his hand. She felt sorry for him but she knew he wouldn’t be the type to want her sympathy. So instead she settled for offering some form of comfort.
As she got closer to him, Spike closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, her scent filling his nostrils. He loved the way she smelt, it was like heaven. He’d opened up to her yet he hasn’t felt her shy away. She seemed to know him inside out, even if she didn’t know that yet. She knew what he’d need and knew what he wanted.
As she placed her head her head on his shoulder, Buffy felt compelled to ask one question, though she knew she’d regret knowing the answer. However, she refused to let her heart dwell on why the answer would bother her.
“Do you still love her?”
Spike opened his eyes and looked at her, his head and his heart where reeling. He had always been so sure that he still loved Drusilla, and that he always would. Yet now this girl next to him had come along and thrown his whole world into question. Now he wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
“Yes and no. If I’m honest I think a part of my heart will always belong to her. But am I still in love with her? Do I still love her with the same intensity? No. I may never forgive Dru for what she did, for what she put me through. But at the same time I may always love her. Doesn’t mean I can’t love other people.” Spike looked pointedly at Buffy as he said the last bit, however Buffy was playing with the edge of the blanket so he wouldn’t see the hurt look on her face and she missed his look.
Seeing her mood damped, Spike decided to change the topic. “Ok well I think that’s enough talk of such a sour matter. I say we eat, no point letting Maggie’s good food go to waste.”
Placing all the food in front of them, Buffy picked up a few items and started to delicately eat them. Spike watched her with humour as she tried to eat in a lady like manner despite the fact that he had heard her stomach rumble several times while he had been setting the food up.
As she heard him chuckle, her head snapped up to look at him. She couldn’t understand why he’d been laughing at her; she was making a concerted effort not to eat like she usually did. She wanted to prove she could still be a lady, just like the ladies he would be used to dining around.
“What?”
“Love, you don’t have to eat like a mouse – there’s too much food here anyway, you may as well eat as much as you can. I highly doubt Maggie feeds you all as well as this.”
Buffy gave a slight embarrassed smile, but didn’t need to be told twice and gladly dived in.
Spike watched in amazement as she ate as if her life depended on it. He noticed that she kept playing with the pins in her hair. As she ate, Spike leaned over. Buffy immediately tensed up, however he simply pulled the unruly pin out of her tight bun.
Her hair immediately loosened, Buffy looked at him in confusion as he placed the pin next to him before leaning over and gently taking another pin and letting more of her hair fall gracefully down.
“You don’t need to be so prim and proper- you’re not a servant today love.”
Timidly, Buffy took out each pin and placed them all next to her. Her hair caught the breeze and fluttered round her face, glowing golden under then sun. Truth be told she was glad her hair had been let free from the tight restrictions of the bun, however in doing so she felt slightly uncouth.
“Much better, pet. You hair looks freer now; it’s a bit harsh when it’s up so tight.”
“Kind of have to, what with working and everything. Luckily we don’t have to wear those silly caps I’ve heard most households have. When I’m not working though I usually wear it down, I don’t care if it makes me look common.”
“Trust me, love, makes you look anything but common, you’re resplendent, you glow.”
“Thank you, Spike – you’re very good on my very bruised self- esteem.”
He didn’t ask her to elaborate on that, he just left the statement hanging.
Starting to fully relax, Buffy took off her starched apron as well, laying it carefully on the blanket.
As the mask of servant Elizabeth started to slip away, Spike got his first glimpse of the real Buffy. The Buffy that was full of life and not weighed down by the bad choices she had made - she seemed free.
She let herself relax with Spike while talking about everyday things such as family and hobbies, and suddenly she realised that this seemed to be the start of something special and for once, she wasn’t scared about facing it.
TBC….
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi everyone! I'm posting this one now, but I have to appologise in advance, I won't be able to update for at least another week, and thats beening optomistic, so if it gets to a week and a half I appologise sooo much. I don't want anyone thinking I have forgotten you all or lost my drive for this fic... I promise it will get completed, I have the next few chaps wrote up don't worry! So I promise it will get updated just bare with me... everything here is very very hectic. I'm sorry everyone! Hope you enjoy this chapter! more is on its way.