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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you to everyone who left reviews- we appreciated all of them! Hopefully this chapter will answer some of the questions that have been raised:)
When Spike felt her tense up, he ran his left hand slowly down her back, which only caused her to jolt.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly, genuinely concerned that maybe he had hurt her somehow. She nodded slightly, unable to respond verbally, still freaked out from what had just happened.

‘I just had sex…on the hood of a car…with Spike,’ she thought, trying to regulate her breathing as panic set in. ‘Unprotected sex with Spike on the hood of his car. Oh my god.’

“Luv, talk to me,” he said, worried.

“I’d like to move,” she replied. “This position is really uncomfortable.”

He pulled out of her slowly, even though his body hated the loss of contact. Whether or not she was willing to admit it, her body missed his just as much.

“Thanks.” She straightened out her bikini and kept her back to him, not willing to look at him.

‘That’ll just make things worse,’ she thought. ‘Then again, things are already ridiculously bad.’ She heard him pull the zipper up on his jeans and take a deep breath.

“I’m going to go inside,” she said quietly, moving away from him. He raised an eyebrow and quickly grabbed her arm, stopping her. She looked down, still afraid to meet his gaze.

“What’s wrong, Buffy?” he asked, running his hand over her hair.

“I…should clean up,” she said, looking at the house as he studied her.

“You can’t just walk away from this because you’re afraid to talk about it,” he said, figuring out what was going on in her head. “This isn’t just something you can push aside because talking about it doesn’t suit you.”

“I know,” she admitted, looking at him and seeing the hurt and confusion in his eyes. “I just can’t do this right now.”

“Go get cleaned up, then,” he said. “We can talk about it later.” She looked at him graciously before quickly going towards the sliding door in back and letting herself inside. He watched her sadly and sighed.

‘This is just bloody brilliant,’ he thought. ‘You shag her on your car- how romantic, you stupid wanker.’ He trudged towards the house, wishing he could do it all over.

* * * * *

As soon as Buffy got inside, she ran upstairs and into the bathroom, instantly taking off her bikini and getting in the shower, the water washing away every trace of him on her. Not only that, but it was also disguising the tears that began to fall from her eyes. She had never been more confused in her life and couldn’t believe that she had let it happen.

‘What were you thinking, Summers?’ she asked herself, running her hands over her eyes. ‘Just because your body wanted him doesn’t mean your heart did. Or, for that matter, your conscience. I mean, the guy in question is Spike. Spike. The guy who has belittled and hurt you since the day you met him.’ She sighed. ‘But he’s not that guy anymore. At least, not all of the time. He can actually be nice…when he wants to be.’ She groaned in frustration and raised an eyebrow when she heard a knock on the door.

“Can I come in, pet?” Spike asked, standing in front of the door and hoping she’d say yes.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” she replied, shutting off the water and wrapping a towel around her body. When she realized the only clothing she had in the room was her bikini, she frowned.

‘I don’t really want to put that back on,’ she thought. ‘Guess I’ll just make a beeline to my room and get dressed.’ She paused. ‘While he’s not in the room.’ She ran a brush quickly through her hair before opening the door and looking at him. He had put on a t-shirt and a different pair of jeans after cleaning up in the bathroom on the first floor. The nervousness in his eyes made her expression soften a little.

“Can we talk now?” he asked, putting his hands in his pockets.

‘He looks like a scared little boy,’ she thought. ‘And incredibly insecure.’ She frowned and looked down. ‘This is all my fault, isn’t it?’

“I want to get dressed first,” she replied, exiting the bathroom and walking to the guest room. Before she could shut the door for her privacy, he walked in and closed it behind him. “Can I please get dressed alone?”

“Buffy…”

He trailed off with a frown as she looked at him.

“Spike,” she replied. “Please.” He nodded and left the room, closing the door and standing beside it, leaning against the wall.

“Will you just answer one question?” he asked, running a hand through his hair.

“What?” she asked, quickly sliding on her clothing and pulling her hair into a ponytail.

“Do you regret it?” he asked, and she looked at the door, taking a deep breath.

“I honestly don’t know,” she answered, walking to the door and opening it. They looked at one another, and it was obvious to Buffy that Spike didn’t regret it at all.

‘He wanted it to happen more than I did,’ she thought. Before Spike could say anything, they heard the front door open downstairs. ‘Anne must be home.’

“Hello, kids,” she called upstairs. “I’m home early and thought maybe we could go out to dinner.”

“Actually, I think I’m going to go home to check in on my mom,” Buffy said, looking at Spike for a moment, which she instantly regretted. The hurt she saw made her feel even worse about the situation. “I’m sorry.” She walked down the hallway and downstairs, seeing Anne in the living room. “But thanks for the offer.”

“You’re more than welcome, dear,” Anne replied, looking through the stack of mail. “I hope your mother is doing well.” Buffy nodded and walked to the door, leaving. Anne noticed that something seemed off with the younger girl and watched her walk down the sidewalk quickly, her arms wrapped around herself.

‘I wonder what that’s all about,’ she thought.

Spike clenched his jaw and punched the wall after he heard the door close behind Buffy. Anne heard a thump upstairs and stood at the bottom of the stairwell, worried.

“Is everything alright, William?” she asked. He held back the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes.

“No.”

* * * * *

Quietly slipping inside the house after midnight, Buffy was starting to regret coming back at all. She could have just as easily met up with Spike at school and resumed her ‘slave duties’ for the last two days of the week before everything went back to normal.

Or as normal as it could get, considering she’d just had sex with the man she’d told herself that she would never let touch her.

‘What were you thinking?’ she silently asked herself as she shut the door behind her. ‘You know how he affects you when you’re in that state of mind, and you still didn’t do anything. It was on the hood of his car, for crying out loud.’

Tiptoeing up the stairs, Buffy made a face when one of them creaked just before she reached the landing. Closing her eyes for a moment, she listened to the soft sounds of the house settling, reassuring herself that Anne and Spike were both asleep. She wouldn’t have to see him until breakfast, and if there was any type of higher power, it would make sure that Anne was there to mediate…or referee, if the case called for it.

Walking into her room, she let the door shut with a soft click behind her, letting her head fall back against the flat surface as her eyes closed, relishing the fact that she’d made it undetected.

“Took you long enough.”

Nearly jumping out of her skin at the sound of his soft voice in the darkened room, Buffy fumbled along the wall for the light switch. Squinting when the bright light illuminated the room, she felt her jaw tighten as she looked at Spike resting comfortably on her bed. His legs were kicked out in front of him and his hands were folded on his stomach, making Buffy more irritated at the fact that he looked so much at home on her bed.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“My house, pet,” he said in a calm tone.

“So, you just decided to hang out in my room for the night?”

“When your room is my guest room, yeah,” he replied, tilting his head to study her. “How’s your mum?”

Meeting his gaze and seeing the honest concern behind the expression, Buffy briefly closed her eyes as she nodded. “She’s good. She’s gone back to work, so it was just a cold last week. Nothing to worry about.”

“I’m glad,” he said, giving her a soft smile.

“Thanks.”

Watching as he got up from the bed and walked over to her, Buffy felt her heartbeat speed up when he came to stand right in front of her. “I want to talk.”

“Figured that much,” she muttered. “I didn’t think you were camping out in here just for the sake of it.”

“I’m serious, Buffy,” he said softly.

“What do you want to talk about?” she asked with a heavy sigh.

“Us.”

“There is no ‘us’,” she replied, immediately feeling guilty for her callous statement as she saw the wounded look in his eyes. “Look, today…it was fun. But Spike, that’s all it was.”

Wishing that there was an easier way to get her point across as she watched him turn away from her to hide the hurt expression on his face, Buffy clenched her hands into fists, resisting the urge to reach out to him and offer what comfort she could.

“Maybe I should have listened to Liam,” he said in a tone that made Buffy flinch.

“Angel? Why?”

“When he told me you weren’t worth a second go,” Spike clarified, turning toward her with a hardened expression. “I always assumed he meant in the bedroom, but since I now know that’s not true, I never thought that he was meaning a relationship with you.”

Tightening her lips to stave off the tears that sprung to her eyes, Buffy took a deep breath before replying. “I guess you’ll never know, since we were never in a relationship.” Watching Spike’s eyes narrow, she continued, “And you know what? We never will be.”

Pushing past him, Buffy tightened her jaw when Spike grabbed her arm.

“Let me go,” she said through gritted teeth. “You got what you want, now let me go!”

Pulling her arm free, Buffy stood her ground, staring at him as he took a deep breath to calm his emotions.

“And do you mind telling me what it is that I want that I got?”

“You name it,” she replied with a shrug. “You’ve been making comments and innuendos all week. We had sex. You got your wish…you went slumming it for a while. You happy?”

“Do you honestly think that’s what I wanted out of this?” he asked in frustration.

“You tell me,” she said softly.

“No!” he cried. “That never crossed my mind. Never!”

Breaking eye contact with him, Buffy looked at the floor, closing her eyes before the tears spilled over. “Can’t we just…”

“What?” Spike asked, the irritation evident in his voice.

“I don’t know,” she said, running her hands through her hair.

“What do you want?” he asked in exasperation, restraining himself from the urge to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her.

“What do I want? I want things to go back to normal between us before everything else got in the way,” she replied, looking up and watching his expression harden.

“That’s what you want?” he asked in a menacing tone, tilting his head to study her. “Fine.”

“What do you mean, ‘fine’?” she asked, turning toward him as he walked toward the door.

“I mean what I said- fine,” he replied, narrowing his eyes. “You want everything back to normal? Then I recall you having a few more days of slave duty before you’re set free, Summers.”

Feeling a lump form in her throat as Spike gave her another look before walking out the door, she finally let her tears escape that had been screaming for freedom since she’d walked away from him that afternoon.





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