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Author's Chapter Notes:
I hope the last chapter is even better explained with this one. If you have any questions, please contact me!
Just Breathe

"Mmm…Didn't realize how hungry I was until I saw those warm bagels come out," Buffy told Spike, with a mouthful of bagel and cream cheese.

Spike grinned at her as he sipped his coffee and watched her. "Next time
maybe you want some more bagel to go with that cream cheese?"

Buffy giggled and covered her mouth with her napkin.

"It's good?"

"Best bagel I've ever had!" she said enthusiastically.

Spike chuckled. "Wanna tell me what happened today?"

She focused on her bagel to avoid his eyes. She couldn't look at him and lie
to him. "Just one of them days, ya know?"

"You looked upset Buffy. Did something bad happen?"

"William, it's okay. Just a bad day and it was nice to see you after. . . " she
trailed off and took a bite of her bagel.

He quirked an eyebrow. "After?"

She swallowed and leaned back in her chair, studying him. "Did you always
follow your intuition as a lawyer?"

"Yes."

"Did you ever get bad feelings about the clients you had?"

"Yes."

"What did you do when you did?"

"Found out what they were keeping from me. Nine times out of ten they
were keeping something from me when I got that feeling."

"And the way you chose your clients?

"Same thing. My intuition. I didn't want to involve myself into something
where I felt that I couldn't represent them in good faith. Most often if
something feels fishy; it's usually because it is. Where is this coming from?
You been doing some investigation?" His tone was light and he didn't name
what she was ‘investigating' but Buffy knew. He was asking if she had been
investigating Lindsey.

"Well, remember how I told you about the phone thing?

"When you remembered the number even though you didn't remember
the dealer?"

"Yeah, well, I've been doing some investigating about psychic ability and
intuition and all that and I've heard that your subconscious knows things
before your conscious does and that intuition is basically a reflection of that.
So my dialing and ‘remembering' the phone number even though I had no
clue of the dealer could be because my subconscious stored it and it just
came out of me."

Spike nodded slowly. "Makes sense. So then your relationships with others
could be based on the same theory. If someone makes you feel
uncomfortable when you're with them, or makes you happy or sad or
whatever, it could be your subconscious telling you what kind of
relationship you had with them during those years you don't remember."

She pointed at him and waggled her finger. "I know what you're getting
at."

"What's that?"

"I'm not saying, but I know."

"What have you learned Buffy?" he asked, seriously. The look on his face
solemn.

She looked down. "I learned that I missed you," she said lightly.

Reaching across the table, Spike took her hands in his and kissed them.
"Buffy, I was going out of my mind. . . " he told her, his voice cracking with
emotion. "I wanted to see you so bad and you told me to keep my distance .
. . I was giving it just one more day before I tracked you down."

"Here I am. Do you have plans tonight?"

He shook his head. "If I did, I'd cancel them."

She smiled. "Want to come over for dinner with me and Angel? I'll make
him make us pasta. Maybe we can all watch a movie."

Spike stood, still holding on to her hands, and guiding her up. "Love too
kitten."

Not being able to help herself from the comfort he so readily gave, Buffy
wrapped her arms around him again and sighed contentedly.



"You got a job? At BU? Teaching Law?" Buffy asked Spike excitedly as
they moved about the kitchen helping Angel make dinner.

Spike grinned. "Yep, I did. Turns out your brother has connections after
all."

Buffy poked Spike and then Angel. "Thanks for telling me Angel."

"Hey, it's not I've seen much of you and when I have, you grumble at me
that you're tired and take off to take a bath and go to bed."

"Still! That's important stuff."

"Figured he'd tell you himself anyway," Angel shrugged and continued to
grate the cheese.

Buffy ignored the comment and snatched a pinch of grated cheese. Angel
glared at her and she backed off, holding up her hands in surrender. Spike
chuckled and handed her a glass of wine.

Buffy smiled at him. She felt as if she hadn't felt so relaxed in a long, long
time. She felt so much at home. The apartment was scented and warmed
by their pasta dinner, they were light hearted and laughing, she felt as if
they were in a bubble and it was just the three of them. She had Angel, the
best brother anyone could ever ask for and Spike, the man who - - who
what? That she loved? She looked over at him as he and Angel teased each
other about something, and her heart warmed. Whatever she felt for Spike,
whatever she couldn't quite define and put a label on yet, she did know
without a doubt that she needed him. In such a short time, he had become
a rock to her. Much like Angel and yet definitely different. ‘Then why are
you with Lindsey?' A voice asked. ‘I'm not,' she answered. ‘Then why don't
you tell him what happened with Lindsey?' The voice urged. Because she
didn't know exactly ‘what' to tell him. That he freaked about some
makeup? That she was uncomfortable in his home? Then with everything
Tara had told her . . . Was it possible that her discomfort with Lindsey had
nothing to do with guilt and feeling he was still a stranger and something to
do with the fact that he could have been abusive to her during those three
years she lost? It wasn't like he was ever going to admit it. So then why
didn't she just walk away? She shivered. ‘He won't let you,' another voice
said, a voice that sounded much like her. A different sadder, lonelier her.

"Pet, you with us?"

She snapped out of her thoughts to find Spike standing in front of her,
smiling softly. He pushed some hair away from her face. "Where did you
go?"

"Must be the wine," she said airily. "Angel, how long does it take to make
friggen pasta for crying out loud?"

"Long when I'm the only one doing it!" Angel tossed back at her.

Buffy and Spike took the hint and scrambled to help him.



Plopping next to Spike on the couch, Buffy yawned loudly. Angel was
loading ‘Spinal Tap' in the DVD and looked over his shoulder at her.

"You gonna make it for the movie?"

"Of course! It's the freakin' weekend baby I'm about to have me some
fun!"

Spike chuckled and Angel groaned. Settling in, Angel dimmed the lights
and the movie began.

Buffy made it ten minutes into the movie and fell fast asleep. Spike figured
it out when she all but crashed into him, her head lolling onto his shoulder.
Cuddling her close, Spike wasn't willing to lose the chance to hold her in his
arms for a while.

Angel looked over from his recliner. "I knew she wasn't going to make it."

"Has she been okay lately?" Spike asked, concerned.

"Just distant like I told you. I thought at first it was her job, but the more I
think about it, it's been ever since she saw Lindsey at the beginning of the
week."

Spike frowned. "She say anything to you about it?"

Angel gave him a ‘are you kidding me?' look. "Yeah, right," he shook his
head. "It's just like before. I ask, she dodges."

"Something is up with her, Angel. I felt it today when I saw her. It's like
she's got the weight of the world on her shoulders."

"I know. I feel it too. I just don't know what to do short of tying her up and
making her tell me," Angel muttered.

"Not a half bad idea."

Angel shot him a look. "That's my sister. You don't do stuff like tying her
up, got it?"

"Got it," Spike said and grinned.

"You find out anything from Schreb yet?"

"Not yet. I've got some buddies looking into him too—"

"Stop talking," Buffy grumbled, cuddling closer to Spike and burying her
face in his chest.

Spike smiled tenderly. "How bout you go to bed kitten?"

"Fine here," she murmured.

"We'll stop talking then," Spike promised and he and Angel turned back to
the movie, glad that Buffy hadn't comprehended anything they'd just said.
She'd be furious if she knew they'd been conspiring together against
Lindsey. Probably even more furious if she knew Spike had hired his PI to
find out information about one Lindsey McDonald.





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