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What to do?

"Buffy, what the hell just happened?"

Buffy spun to see Angel coming towards her, a determined look on his face.

"What do you mean?" she asked, wrapping her arms around herself.

His eyes bugged. "Are you kidding me? Buffy, you acted as if you were
ready for a throw down in the kitchen. You were afraid Buffy. Petrified." He
wagged his finger at her. "And don't try to deny it Buffy. I'm your brother
and have known you since you were in diapers. You were afraid of him. I
saw it in the way you talked to him, in the way you jumped away from
Spike and the way you wouldn't look at me or Spike. Your whole body
language was one of fear. You flew out of that apartment as if the devil
were on your heels. What did he say to you?" Angel demanded. Rarely did
Angel ever get as adamant and angry as he was now. His face was red and
the vein on the side of his neck was pulsing.

Buffy burst into tears. It was all too much with Lindsey scaring her and her
not being able to pinpoint why, with fearing for William and his safety and
STILL not being able to pinpoint exactly why. It was frustrating, it was
overwhelming and now with Angel angry and demanding to know what the
hell was going on when she herself didn't know—it was all too much.

In an instant, Angel had her in his arms and his words were soft and
soothing, his embrace comforting. "Buffy, please don't cry. You know I
could never stand it when you cried. Christ, it's like the first time you rode
your bike without training wheels and fell down on the sidewalk and split
your knee open. Made me feel like the worst brother in the world."

"You taught me to ride my bike," she hiccupped.

"Hence the reason why I felt awful when you fell. I failed you."

She looked up at him, tear stained. "You think you failed me?"

"Sometimes. I'm not going to this time though," and he gave her a weary
smile.

"Angel, you haven't failed me. You're the only one that I depend on."

"Aside from Spike right?"

She didn't answer that question. "Why do you think you failed me?"

"I didn't protect you from that monster."

"I think we have a lot to talk about.

Angel nodded. "I think you're right," and he threw an arm across her
shoulders as they made there way up to the apartment. "Spike's worried.
He was pacing and sorry, but we couldn't resist peaking out and seeing
what was going on."

"What did you see?"

"You flinching every time he moved. Buffy, has he hit you?" Angel asked as
they made their way up the stairs.

"No, he hasn't."

"Threatened you?"

"Nope."

Angel sighed. "He did something. I know he did."

"That's what's scaring me," Buffy murmured.

"What do you mean?"

Buffy didn't answer as she pushed the door open. Spike stood in the middle
of the kitchen looking worried. He lunged forward. "Buffy are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she nodded and disengaged from Angel. She stepped forward
and Spike immediately wrapped his arms around her.

"I don't like him, kitten."

"I know. I don't think I do either. Scratch that. I know I don't."

Spike pulled apart just enough to look at her. "Does that mean—?"

"That I'm breaking up with him? Yeah."

"THANK GOD!" Angel exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air.
"Halleluiah!"

Buffy turned to face her brother with a smirk. "Tell me how you really feel
Angel, don't hold back."

Angel chuckled. "Sorry, couldn't hold that one back. This weight that just
got lifted off my shoulders? That must be what relief feels like."

"Uh, Spike?" Buffy started. "Do you think Angel and I could…?"

"Say no more. You need some family time here, I understand."

She grabbed his arm before he could walk away. "Call you later?"

He smiled and cupped the side of her face with his hand. "How bout see me
later?"

She smiled. "I can do that."

"Do you need directions?"

"Spike, I don't get lost here like you do. I know where it is."

He nodded, grinning shyly, "Right."

"Thanks for breakfast even though I missed out on it."

"I'll make you one when you come over."

"Okay."

Angel and Spike shook hands, grinning and Spike was off.

Buffy looked at Angel sheepishly once Spike was gone. "He's not going to
be happy to learn I told Lindsey he was gay."

Angel's eyes nearly fell out of his head. "You WHAT?"

"It was the only thing I could think of to protect him."

"Protect him? All right. Let's sit and talk. What's going on Buffy? Please
don't shut me out like before."

"I have no memory of doing that before," she reminded him.

"I know, I know. . . but, I see you doing it again, unwittingly, and it's
driving me nuts. I want to know what's going on with you Buffy. Especially
when it comes to Lindsey."

Buffy regarded him thoughtfully. "You really don't like him."

Angel gave her a look. "Gee, what gave it away?"

Buffy slid into the chair at the table and looked up at Angel expectantly. He
slid in across from her and both put their elbows on the table and stared at
each other.

"So, tell me your suspicions about him," Buffy urged.

"I think I first want to hear what you have to say first."

"Why?"

"To see if it matches up and I'm not just influencing you. Though from
what I saw, it looks like we're on the same page."

"Don't you want to influence me away from him?"

"Oh trust me, yes. But I'm thinking since you're the one with no memory
here, what you have to say will be . . . fresher, if you know what I mean?"

Buffy nodded. "I think I get that. All right. Let me start with the day I
went back to work."

Buffy spilled it all. Told Angel everything from when she'd seen Lindsey
that day to when she went to see Tara and everything that Tara had said.
Angel listened, nodding in places and biting his tongue in other areas.

"Buffy," Angel reached across the table and grabbed her hands in his big,
warm ones. "All that you just said, all that fear you have of him, all that
uncertainty . . . It's exactly what I imagined—what I thought—was going on
in that house with him. Buffy, you've always been independent and
stubborn and always followed the beat of your own. And you and I were
always close. We told each other everything, there was nothing we hid from
one another because for so long all we've had is each other.

When Lindsey came along, you changed. You lashed out at me all the time,
you always had excuses for Lindsey making you do something you would
never normally do or had any interest in. Stupid flashy parties where you
were set up to be the trophy on his arm . . . making him dinner –even
though you hate to cook. You even told me once in passing that he wanted
you to quit your job—the job you love—once he married you. I flipped out
on you for that and I succeeded in only pushing you away from me even
more.

You never said you were happy with him, and if you had maybe I wouldn't
have held so many reservations. Maybe if I knew he was treating you right,
I wouldn't have had so many misgivings. But you shut me out and you had
this vacant look in your eyes where once you had so much life and sparkle.
You weren't my Buffy anymore and I didn't know how to get you back. I
swear that bastard turned you away from me, he had this control over you
and I was helpless to do anything about it.

When you had the accident I was convinced—hell, I'm STILL convinced—
he had something to do with it Buffy."

Buffy looked at him sternly. "Angel, that's a pretty big accusation to
make."

"I know," Angel sighed, "but I can't help my suspicions. And, at the same
time after hearing what you just told me . . . I find myself almost thankful
for the accident. Because if you hadn't had it, then you might still be with
him and he would still be controlling you. I think what Tara and Spike told
you and how you react to Lindsey go hand in hand Buffy. How you acted
today and that gut feeling you had about protecting Spike," he stopped
abruptly. "Buffy, do you think that's why you never spoke of him when you
came home from Rhode Island and why you left him without giving him a
way to contact you? Because you were protecting him?"

"If the urge I had today is anything to go by, then I think that's a definite
possibility."

"He won't hurt you again Buffy," Angel promised her.

"He wants to see me tonight."

"Fine then, you call him and YOU make the plans. You tell him where, you
tell him when. In a public place so he can't do anything when you tell him
it's over."

"Yes, sir," Buffy saluted him.

Angel shook his head. "Okay, I got a little demanding there—"

"Ya think?"

"I just want him gone Buffy. Out of your life, forever, and for good. It's the
best thing for you and you know it."

"I do," she said quietly. "How I acted today—did I ever act like that
before?"

Angel shook his head, "No. I imagine your reaction today was an honest
one because you didn't ‘know' any better. You didn't feel the need to censor
it and cover up your fear of him."

Buffy flinched. "I don't like the sound of that. My ‘fear' of him. Makes me
sound weak and defenseless . . . Makes it sound as if has power over me
and the idea that I gave him that power," she trailed off and stood up,
clenching her fists. "You know what I need? I need to learn self-defense."

Angel frowned. "Buffy, I'm all up for you feeling the need to learn it to
better protect yourself say if you should ever find yourself in a situation,"
Angel said as he stood. "Those occurrences that happen, but are rare in
their happenings. It makes me nervous though when you feel the need to
learn it to protect yourself from Lindsey."

"But you understand it."

"Yeah, and that's what makes me nervous. I'm going to be there tonight
Buffy. I'll be nearby just in case so you aren't alone."

"I don't want him to see you. If I'm worried about Spike, then who knows if
you're safe too."

Angel smirked. "I dare him to lay a hand on any of us. He touches you or
any of us and he'll find a nice restraining order slapped on him."

Buffy looked up at him. "Am I becoming the Buffy you knew? The
independent, stubborn Buffy?"

Angel smiled and hugged her close. "I see her coming back to me a little bit
more everyday."





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