“Come on in, pet,” Spike said, standing aside from the door to let Buffy into his new digs. He’d finally gotten himself a place to hang his hat. A penthouse loft right on Newbury Street. Buffy had whistled when he told her where he was living. Apparently, it was a ritzy place to live, and a popular area to shop at too.
“Very nice, William. Very blank, white walls you’ve got going
on here,” she teased him as she stepped into the foyer that
led to the living room with a huge window that took up one
wall.
“I’m thinking of hiring a decorator, what do you think?”
She shook her head, “No, why waste your money when you
have me?”
He studied her curiously. “Do I have you Buffy?”
She looked down. “You have me,” she told him softly. She
looked up, meeting his eyes. “I can’t give you much right now
William. I can give you my friendship with the promise of
something more one day, but I kind of want to get my uh, sea
legs again. If that makes any sense?”
Crossing the distance between them, he cupped the side of
her face and gazed at her reverently. “Does that mean I can
kiss you?”
She looked up at him, slightly dazed. She smiled. “I think that’d
be okay. More than okay in fact.”
“Won’t confuse you more?”
She shook her head, “No. The things I’m confused about . . .
they’re getting clearer and somehow the way I feel about you
has always been clear.”
“You don’t know what that means to me, pet,” he whispered
and ghosted his lips across hers. He pulled back to gauge
her reaction.
“You call that a kiss?” and she grabbed his shirt in her tiny
fists and pulled him to her, crashing her mouth against his.
Lips glided, tongues probed and tasted, heat crackled and
Buffy felt as if she were on fire. Her skin tingled and she
knew with clarity that there was no way she’d ever felt that
way with Lindsey. Buffy wrapped her arms around him,
riffling her fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck
and pressing her body against his. She could feel his arousal
at her stomach and she felt moisture rush between her legs
at the knowledge he wanted her as much as she wanted
him.
He broke the kiss, breathless. “Pet, we need to stop before
we do something to muck it all up.”
She smirked, “Aren’t I the one that’s supposed
to stop?”
He grinned sheepishly. “See how much I love you? I’m willing
to wait until I’m sure you’re ready.”
“I wish I knew . . . “ she trailed off and broke free from his
embrace, heading towards the window.
“Wish you knew what?” he asked, following her.
“What I was thinking before when I slept with you in Rhode
Island.”
“What do you mean?” he sounded slightly hurt.
“I mean,” she started, placing a hand on his chest, wanting to
be touching at least some part of him. “I wonder if I was
scared or at the end of my rope. I wonder if I was done with
Lindsey then as I am now. I wonder if he’d frightened me so
much then—“
“He did frighten you today. I saw it in your face
and the way you jumped away from me. It wasn’t the jump
that indicated guilt, it was the jump that indicated fear.” He
placed his hand over hers, grasping it gently.
“I’m ending it tonight. Had a nice long chat with
Angel about it all and he ‘made’ me call him and set up the time
and place. Angel’s going to be there.”
“I want to be there too.”
“Spike, no,” she shook her head. “I don’t want to
risk putting you in danger.”
“Buffy, did he threaten you?”
“No, but my instinct was to protect you.”
“Not sure how I feel about that,” Spike told her
honestly.
“I think it’s very telling in both how I feel about
you and what must have happened with him before.”
“You still don’t remember?”
“No. But I have a pretty good idea. Someone told
me to listen to my gut once. I think I took their advice and it
worked.”
Spike smiled wearily. “I’d do anything to keep
you safe.”
“Ditto for you. Which is why I think it best that
you don’t show up tonight. Although,” she took a deep
breath, “I did tell him you were gay so –“
Spike dropped his hand from hers and his eyes
widened. “What?!”
She giggled, she couldn’t help it, the outrage and
disbelief on his face was priceless. “So maybe he’ll think you
and Angel are together—“ In the next instant she found
herself in the arms of a determined man.
“I’ll show you gay,” he growled playfully and
plundered her lips with his. Pulling her with him, they toppled
onto his couch, Spike on top. He kissed her passionately,
thoroughly, possessively, but she didn’t mind in the least. His
body felt so good against hers, she didn’t want to stop. She
just wanted to feel all of him. He started to pull back and she
gripped him, bringing him back.
“Don’t stop,” she begged him.
“Buffy,” he groaned and kissed her again. “I
don’t want to stop. I want you so much baby. Wanted you for
forever it seems, but I want to do this right this time. I want to
do this when there’s nothing between us and right now
Lindsey is between us still and while you’re still unsure about
everything—“
“I know,” she cut him off, a tad too abruptly than
she intended. She pushed at him.
“No, baby, listen to me. Look at me Buffy.”
She looked up at him. “I keep making the same
mistakes, huh?”
He shook his head and leaned in, kissing her
softly. “No baby. You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re
doing everything right by ending things with him. Whatever
happened before with him . . . it probably wasn’t healthy and
now you see it.”
“I think I was trying to protect you then too. I
think that’s why I took off,” she told him, trembling.
“I won’t let him hurt you again, Buffy. I promise.”
This time when she pushed at him, he sat back
and pulled her with him, settling her on his lap.
“And I won’t let him hurt you. I mean it Spike. I
don’t know what he’ll do, I don’t even remember what he’s
done. All I know is what I feel and what I feel is not safe
when it comes to him knowing about you,” she told him
determinedly.
“And that’s how I feel about you and him,” he
told her firmly. “I want to be there. I’ll even pretend to be
Angel’s lover if that’ll help.”
“I don’t want him to know that Angel is even
there.”
“Should we go for disguises?” he grinned.
She giggled. “That actually could be fun. But
just . . . just stay far enough away okay?”
He nodded and kissed her sweetly,
languorously. “We better go and do something before I
ravage you and throw all my wisdom completely out the
door,” he whispered against her lips.
“You’re absolutely right. Let’s uh, go
somewhere. To Revere or Lynn. Away from here for a
while.”
He quirked an eyebrow. “Buffy? Trying to
protect me still?”
“Just go with it for now, please?”
He nodded. “For now.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Love you guys!! :)