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Starting

"Have you seen Lindsey lately?" Angel asked Buffy later after William had left them for the night. Brother and sister sat in their living room watching mindless TV.

Buffy shook her head and then sighed. "I think we have plans tomorrow
night."

"So, William seems like a cool guy."

Buffy broke out into a smile. "He really is."

"How do you know him?"

Now she was blushing. "Uh, well, that's complicated. . . "

"Care to share? Maybe I can help unravel the complexity."

She shot him a look and shook her head. "I doubt it."

"Try me."

"Really rather not."

"What happened to trusting me?"

He had her there. "I do trust you. However, you're also my big brother and
I DO remember how protective you can be."

"That's true. But why not trust that I'll listen with an open mind and not do
anything to stop your friendship with William."

"Who are you and what have you done with my brother?"

Angel nudged her, "Come on imp. Tell me."

Buffy sighed and turned, giving him her full attention. Angel muted the TV.

"All I know is that he and I had some kind of relationship," she told him
after taking a deep breath.

Angel blinked. "Care to elaborate?"

"Supposedly we met on a trip I took to Rhode Island—which you never
told me about."

Angel shrugged. "I didn't think telling you about some trip you took by
yourself was all that important. You never came back and said something
life changing happened. In light of all the other life changing events going
on, taking a trip seemed the least of them. Know what I mean?"

"I do. But . . . was I having problems with Lindsey, Angel?"

She sounded concerned, worried. Angel took a deep breath. "If you did,
you didn't let on to me."

She studied him. "I didn't?" she said finally.

"You didn't. You uh . . . kind of well, shut me out."

"Why?" she truly did not understand that.

"Oh well, you're stubborn and pig headed. You get an idea in your head
and you don't let it go."

"I don't think I'm like that anymore," she said softly, looking down. She
grabbed a throw pillow and started to play with the trim.

"Some things have altered Buffy, but only because you're still trying to find
your way. But you're still Buffy to the core. I'm sure that side of you will
come out in time."

"I feel broken Angel," Buffy admitted.

"Broken?"

"Yeah, broken. It's the only way to describe it. I feel like I have pieces of
me all over except I can't fit them back together in any pattern." A tear
slipped from her eye at that and in an instant Angel wrapped her arms
around her.

"Think of it as making new pieces and fitting them back. Some things just
aren't important enough for you to feel like you have to remember them.
And you certainly don't have to remember to please anyone."

"Well it's not like I can put a rush order on those memories anyway. The
doctors said that I might not ever get them back."

"Exactly. So don't stress yourself out about it. Don't make yourself feel
something you don't feel and don't push yourself to do something that you
don't feel you can do. Yeah, you lost three years. But you have three years
ahead of you in which to make new memories. It's like a clean slate."

"That's what William said," Buffy murmured against Angels shoulder.

Angel grinned. "I knew I liked him for a reason. Can you tell me more
about him?'

"We had some kind of relationship while I was in Rhode Island. He came
looking for me."

"From L.A.? He came looking for you from L.A.?" Angel asked in shock and
drew Buffy away from him, holding onto her arms.

She nodded.

"Buffy, you never mentioned him."

"I gathered." She looked down. "Do you think he's lying?"

Angel sighed heavily. "The weird thing is? I don't. I mean that would be
some story to make up and since you DID take a trip to Rhode Island. . . I
just wonder . . ."

"What?"

"Why you never mentioned him."

Buffy shrugged, "Lindsey? He could be why. I just don't understand
myself. If I was so happy with Lindsey—"

"I said I didn't know if you were Buffy. You could have been miserable for
all you let me know about it," he sounded bitter.

Buffy winced. "I'm sorry."

Angel shook his head, "Buffy, I'm sorry. I suppose that didn't help. I don't
want you to feel guilty for things you don't remember—Did William make
you feel guilty for whatever it was that you did?"

She shook her head, "No, he didn't. He's just . . . there. He didn't want to
lose me again and he didn't want to pressure me into anything. He just
wants to spend time with me."

Angel smiled broadly. "That's something then."

"You like him huh?"

Angel nodded, "I do."

"What about Lindsey?"

"I think that's a question you need to start asking yourself Buffy."



"So this is your office," Spike grinned as Buffy ushered him into her office
the day before she was to start back to work.

She nodded slowly, a feeling of dread come over her as she stepped into
the office. She sat down at her desk and tried to focus on breathing.

"Buffy? What's wrong luv?" Spike asked, kneeling in front of her.

"Nothing," she said and her voice sounded strained.

"It's something. Tell me, let me help." He took her hands in his and gazed
up at her imploringly.

"It's just that . . . I started working here right after college. I'd been
promoted to events coordinator during the time I lost. I'm scared I won't
remember how to do my job," she explained fearfully.

"They know don't they Buffy?"

She nodded, "But it's not like they can keep me on just out of pity."

"They can't fire you if you're sick."

"Oh so that's what I am now? Sick?" she tried to push at him.

He stayed in place and didn't give her any room to move. "That's not what
I meant. I meant that they can't fire you because of an accident and the
outcome of which is out of your control."

"They can't keep me on for it either. They'll have to train me all over again.
. . "

"Buffy, did you ride a bike as a kid?"

She furrowed her brow, "Yeah."

"Well, don't you think this may be just like that?"

"No, how can it possibly? Riding a bike is instinct. This is. . . a lot of
thinking and knowing contacts."

Spike pointed to what looked like a rolodex. "Contacts. So, tell me Miss
Summers, I want to arrange an event. I want . . . to have an Italian
showing. What would you do for me?"

She took a deep breath, "I would find out what pieces we had already to
centralize it in the display and then I'd start contacting other dealers in the
area and out of the area. I'd get my assistant—do I have an assistant?—to
draw up a letter requesting assistance and I'd call the Graphics Department
to do up a poster and meet with them-" her eyes widened. "I do know
what I'm doing!"

"See?" he grinned.

She threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. "I mean a lot of
that stuff I was doing when I got here, and I know there are some more
details in there, but I have the basics down."

"And as long as you can start at square one, you can't go wrong. The rest
will fall into place and I highly doubt that they'll deny you if you ask for help
Buffy."

"What would I do without you?" she blurted out. Her eyes widened and
she drew back from him. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that. It just
came out of my mouth and sometimes I guess I don't—"

Spike placed a finger to her lips, quieting her. "Sssh." Leaning in closer, he
removed his finger and kissed her mouth. It was more than a peck, but less
than a full kiss. Her lips tingled just the same and she found herself wanting
more. He drew back just an inch. "I'm glad you said it," he whispered.

Her eyes were half mass, feeling something akin to ecstasy at his close
proximity to her. Her palms were itching and her skin felt warm. She
couldn't stop herself from closing the gap between them and pressing her
lips to his for something more than that peck, and maybe closer to a full
blown kiss. And when his tongue trailed the seam of her lips, urging her to
part and she did, she knew she was getting her full blown kiss. His hands
tangled in her hair, angling her head to deepen the kiss and she heard
herself moan in response. Lightly she placed her hands on his shoulders and
felt her fingertips dig in, bracing herself for the onslaught of emotion he was evoking in her. She was being swept away.

She broke away to breathe, cursing the need to do so. He held her close to
him, his breathing as ragged as hers and he gazed into her eyes.

"What was that?" she asked him.

He smiled. "A kiss Buffy."

She rolled her eyes. "I know but—"

"Don't question it okay? Just let yourself feel and don't think."

She nodded.

"Can I just say ‘wow'?" he grinned.

She laughed. "I take your ‘wow' raise you an ‘oh boy!'"

He smirked proudly and stood, grabbing her hands and bringing her to
stand. "Come on luv. Show me around some more?"

She nodded, suppressing the urge to caress her well kissed lips. She
straightened and tried to get her brain functioning again as she led William out of her office and into the museum. She was pleased to find she still
knew her way around.





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