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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hang on, it might be a bumpy ride
**************

Buffy waited until she was outside the chamber to release the breath she'd been holding. Her knees nearly buckled as she groped for the stone behind her to help keep her steady. She was lightheaded, both from the blood loss and the crashing reality that was just now beginning to hit right between the eyes. He was alive! Well, yeah, not technically, but he was here. And, oh, God, she couldn't let him know how bad it really was, because if she did, he'd beg her to stake him on the spot. The skin was so black, and so dry; it looked like it might flake off if she touched him. He looked like a lump of burnt paper. How he was able to stay together, and not scatter to the four winds, she didn't know. She knew that his soul had to be of a warrior's ilk, or he would have given up by now. She was so proud of him she couldn't catch her breath.

And she was angry, angry beyond words, with the vampire, with the second-rate soul, who had the unmitigated gall to make such a warrior feel unwanted, and unnecessary. He was going to pay for that. But first, she had some personal demons to fight. Once they were purged, and her emotions were no longer in control, then she'd take him on.

The Bluebird that had been flittering around the chamber opening, since Angel left, set her chin high, and her gaze hard, and, engaged Buffy, lightning fast, her purpose known to her. Buffy could respect that. Gotta love a girl with a mission, Buffy thought.

"If you have harmed the vampire, if you have injured him further, I will disembowel you. Do you understand, female?"

"Whoa, okay," Buffy squared her shoulders, blue eyes meeting green, neither one giving an inch. They both knew that that was not what was needed here, " First of all, I'm on your side; believe me, so, no disembowelment required here. Second, even though I am slightly more at ease with the people skills, I would have the same reaction if you hurt him any further. I would react the same way you would if any, and I do mean, anybody hurts him," she squinted her eyes at the ice-blue gaze, "Do you understand me?"

Blue eyes blinked, and took a step back, appraising Buffy. She nodded slightly, "I can see why the vampire prizes you so highly."

Buffy sneered, "Good, I'm glad we understand each other. Where's Angel?" she asked, looking around but not finding him.

"The one you call Angelus has left to commence his resting cycle. It is my duty to watch over the vampire during the solar phases."

"Oh, well, that's good. Do you know how to use a phone?"

"I am familiar with the telecommunications system."

"Good," Buffy reached into her pocket and handed her cellular phone to the woman, "I have a pager. Anything goes wrong; if he gets any worse, if he even twinges, hit the 'Home' button. Okay?"

"Where will you be located," she asked dispassionately.

"Sunnydale," she called out, leaving Illyria behind, "I'll be back at sunset."
**********

During the four -hour drive from Los Angeles to what used to be Sunnydale, Buffy did some thinking. Some thinking she should have done years ago.

She thought about her friends, the ones that called themselves, collectively, "Scoobies." First, there was Xander, who, after telling a bunch of girls, who didn't even know her, what a great leader she was; told them they might get hurt, but with Buffy in the lead, they'd get out alive. At first, Buffy thought that Xander really had faith in her, but it turned out she was wrong. He didn't believe in her. And how did she know this? Because, after a battle, in which lives were lost, and he'd lost an eye, but come out alive, he was one of the first to try and throw her out of her own house! And, after the battle with the First, the battle in which they'd both lost loved ones, the battle that should have brought them together as comrades in arms? That battle, instead, drove them apart. Buffy hadn't seen Xander in a over a year.


Willow, she was no different. Willow had such a need to be in control of things, that once "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" was finally done, dead and in the ground, at peace, she couldn't just leave her there. Willow had to mess things up. Had to make the world the way she wanted it. And, what did she do when Buffy needed money to help run the house? Did she offer to get a job, maybe help out a little, when it came to finances, like Spike had? No. But Buffy was expected to take care of everyone. Now, the people she had called her "friends," weren't even around to help her deal with this crisis.

She felt the need to scream and cry, so, she turned the rental car's radio to some obnoxious punk rock station, turned the volume up, as loud as it would go, and screamed her lungs out.
**********

Buffy looked at the giant hole in the desert that had once been her home. All of her life was down there. Her house was down there. Her school was down there. Her Mom was down there. She was down there, once. Spike was down there, too. But, now he wasn't.

As she stood at the edge of the crater, the toe of her shoe pushing loose gravel over the edge and down into the pit, she looked up at the sky, in all its beautiful blueness, and asked, "Why couldn't you, for once, just once, let him win? What does he have to do to earn your respect? He's tried so hard. He's changed so much," she let her tears fall into the soft sand that made up the wall of the crater, "Don't misunderstand me, please, I am so glad that he's still here. You have no idea how much. It's just...can I ask you one question? What answer did you give Spike when he asked you these questions...about me?"
*************

When the sun went down, she was ready. She had asked Angel to meet her, in Griffith Park, because she wanted to get some answers from him, and she wasn't going to get them using hushed tones in a church. So, Illyria agreed to keep watch over her "pet" for the next few hours, while she and Angel had a little conversation.

"Angel," she greeted coolly, "we need to talk."

"I know, Buffy," he said.

"Why don't you have a seat," she said, indicating the bench she had just vacated. When Angel took the seat she offered and then looked at her, expecting her to sit down again, she said, "I think I'll stand, if you don't mind."

Angel let out a heaving sigh, "Okay. Buffy, what do you want to know?"

Buffy started pacing in front of the park bench, "Well, for starters, you say you went to battle with the Senior Partners and the Circle of Black Thorn?"

Angel nodded, "That's right."

Buffy bit her lip in concentration, "Angel," she said, "those are some pretty heavy hitters. How come half of Los Angeles isn't rubble right now? How come it just looks like there was only a minor earthquake? A few buildings down, but no casualties, no bodies, not even demon ones? Yet, you say there were thousands of them, in an alley thirty feet wide; there was even a fire-breathing dragon, for Christ's sake! That much I know is true, because I saw it. Hell, even if I didn't dream about it, if I wanted proof, all I would need to do is look at Spike to know that it happened. You say you killed it? Where did it go? Did it just go, 'Poof'?"

Angel hung his head, "Yes."

"Oh," Buffy was pacing like a panther. She now knew what Spike felt like when he was gearing up for a good rant, "I see. And, the thousands of others, against, how many was it again, four of you, they just disappeared, too?"

Angel started to protest, "But you faced those kinds of odds too. And, you won."

"Yes, I won. With the help of a witch, twenty Slayers, and that frigging sunshine grenade of an amulet that I made Spike wear, because you, who gave the damned thing to me, left town! Oh, and my friends helped too."

Angel muttered, under his breath, "Oh, not that again," louder he said, "I was going to stay. But, you made me leave."

Buffy looked at him as if he'd grown three heads, "Did I hold a stake to your heart?"

He mumbled again, "Kind of did, yeah. What with Spike and all."

"Oh, my God! This is not going to turn into the, 'Spike took my girl, so let's pity Angel' party, is it?"

Angel pouted, and said, petulantly, "You are my girl. Not his."

Buffy stopped pacing, looked Angel in the eyes, and said, "I. Could. Never. Be. Your. Girl!" Buffy shook her head, catching her breath, and tried to regain focus, "What kind of idiot goes into battle when it's four against thousands?"

Angel said nothing.

"If there was this big battle, and for argument's sake, I'll give you that, why would the 'Almighty Great And Powerful Oz' of evil, the Circle of Black Thorn, stop? How come you're not dead, or dust, in your case, like half your little 'army'?"

"Because I'm a member of the Circle," he stated flatly.

Buffy gasped, "You're what?!"

"I'm a member," he gulped.

Buffy's eyes went wide with shock, "Was this before, or after you decided to turn around the L.A. branch of Wolfram and Hart, a law firm that has done business with evil for eons, by yourself!?"

"After."

"Oh. My. God. I can't believe your hubris! I can't believe I ever thought you were a 'Champion of the People', a thought just snapped in Buffy's brain, and she grabbed Angel up off the bench by his shirt collar, held him so that his feet were off the ground, and hissed through clenched teeth, "I just have a few more questions, Angelus. And believe me when I tell you that if I don't get an answer, if I don't get truthful answers, I have a stake, sharp and ready to use, within my reach right now," Angel's eyes went wide with fright, "Shall we see who's faster, a lumbering, numb brained vampire who's been out of the evil-fighting business for far too long, or a Slayer, who for the better part of three years, worked, and trained, and fought alongside a vampire who killed, at last count, two Slayers? How many have you killed, Angelus," he shook his head, mutely, "None? Care to try your luck," he shook his head again, "No? That's smart," Buffy shoved him hard against the bench, "Then answer my questions and I'll play nice. Did you become a member of the Circle before or after Spike became a solid citizen again?"

"A-after."

"Good boy! See how we're getting along? Next question. Did you start the fight with the Circle so you could have Spike out of the way, and the Slayer on your arm?" Even Buffy was surprised at that question. Where did that come from? And why, all of the sudden, did she feel like she had had a little too much to drink, kind of giddy? She waited for an answer, "Well?"

He nodded his head once.

Buffy's jaw twitched, "I want to know, exactly, how many demon poisons you exposed Spike to, along with the cures, if there are any, and I want to know now!"
************

She was still jittery from the confrontation with Angel. She paced the small space of the chamber, trying to come down. Boy, was that a rush! She felt like she hadn't felt since she used to patrol with Spike, and he'd pick a fight, deliberately, just to have fun, "No, you don't get it, Spike. This was different. It was charged," she just couldn't get the words out of her mouth fast enough, "Everything was spinning," in her head, she could hear a soft chuckling, almost a giggle, "Then, suddenly the words were out of my mouth, and it felt so good! Spike, it felt so good to just grab him up and just toss him like a rag doll!"

I bet it was at that, Pet.

Buffy took a heaving sigh, "It was like, for a minute there, it wasn't me talking. I was moving, but it felt like someone was lifting me up, like, on their shoulders, pushing me? It was like the words coming out of my mouth weren't mine. Do you understand what I'm talking about?"

A smirk. Maybe the reason they didn't feel like your words, Love, is because they weren't yours. They were mine.

Buffy gaped at the still form lying on the stone bier, unable to even open an eyelid, "That was you? You did that?"

Yes.

"Why?"

Well, I had to do something, didn't I? It is me lying here, like a lump of flesh, clock ticking and all. Besides, I couldn't let you have all the fun, could I? He wasn't going to give the information up to just you, Love. He needed a little shove. I provided it.

She walked over to him, took his finger in her hand, and said, "I love you, Spike. We'll find Drusilla in time, I know it."

I hope so, Pet. I bloody well hope so.





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