After leaving Robin, Buffy wasn't expecting to catch up to her family so fast. She felt and heard William before she saw him. There he was laughing, smiling. All evidence of his previous fear and sickness gone. He was grinning happily and joking in the arms of a man Buffy knew well. Well not WELL well, but not a stranger either.

Dawn and Xander stood close by. Xander looked...Unpleased.

"Mommy!" he cried scrambling out of the man's arms and running to her "Mommy look what Ryan got for me!!" He happily waved around the ugliest doll Buffy had ever seen. It had two heads, scaly black skin, bulging eyes, and a forked tongue.

"And watch this" he announced as he pressed a button on the back . The 4 eyes bulged and the forked tongue popped out and quickly retracted back. William giggled gleefully.

Buffy's eyes bulged, 'How attractive' she though ruefully, as she stood there and tried to put on her best 'that's nice' grin.

Ryan stood there, a little embarrassed. He was good looking enough. Light brown hair and eyes. Fit, but not overly muscular. He was wearing a plain light blue shirt, with the top two buttons open, and a plain pair of brown trousers.

"Its a Timbros demon." He said, smiling shyly, "Ya know from that new movie Mutant enemies from the front. Thought maybe me you and Wil..."

Xander quickly cut Ryan off , "William and I are going this weekend, but thanks for the offer." The look on Xander's face said anything but thanks.

"Why is uncle Xander mad?" William whispered to him mommy.

"Shh, its okay baby. He's not mad." Buffy whispered back.

Dawn tried to intervene, "Hey, who's hungry for Mr pizza?"

"Oh me me! Pizza! Pizza! Onion rings! Onion Rings!" William shouted while jumping up and down, frantically raising and waving his hand.

"Hey! Hey! me me." Buffy said while trying to calm her hyperactive son. "So Great. It's to be a chock full of fried goodness for dinner." Buffy smirked, but she knew she'd give in. Mr pizza was William's favorite place.

"PLease Mommy!" he begged. "Ryan can come too."


"We'll go baby, but I think Ryan might be busy." She said as she look up, noticing that Ryan's face had ballooned from hopeful to deflated in the span of ten seconds.
"Dawn take Will to the car now please. I'll be right there." Buffy asked.

William hugged Ryan goodbye and thanked him again before Dawn managed to drag him and a rightly annoyed Xander out to the car.

This left Buffy alone to face Ryan.

"Ryan, "Buffy began

"No, hey. Its okay." He said quietly, "I may overstep the boundaries of friendship. Just thought William would like the movie, and the doll."

"Action figure" she automatically responded.

"Huh?" He asked.

"William doesn't own dolls. Dolls are for girls. He is very adamant about this. Mithril has dolls. He has action figures." Buffy explained.

"Oh. Okay. Good to know." He said looking a bit confused

"He's very....fond of you. And that is something cause my boy generally does not like men who..." Buffy stopped, wide eyed and slightly embarrassed. The blush was radiating heat across her face.

Ryan blushed a little in return, "I like him too. Both of you, in fact. I just thought.. I don't know.. We could all get the chance too know each other better."

Buffy hated the hopeful look that crept across his face again. 'Damn, I'm tired of being heart-breaker girl'
'Maybe I should ware a burlap sake and a bag over my head from now on. No. Then I'd probably just attract some guy with a *Mrs potato head * fetish. she smiled a little at her own joke.
When she saw him smile, she quickly squashed her amusement.
"Look. I'm.. Flattered...But.."

"No" He stopped her," I get it. Besides no sentence that begins like ends well. Its okay". He smiled again, but it was a sad smile.

"I need to be there for my son now." She explained softly, not wanting to hurt him., "He needs me. All of me. And I owe it to him."
"To both of them.", she added quietly , more to herself than Ryan

But Ryan had heard the utterance and saw the lost look on her face. He saw a women was surrounded by a ghost. The ghost of the man who had fathered her child, haunted her. Probably almost literally. William sure didn't resemble Buffy, which left little conclusion as to whom he did get his looks from

"Well. I'm not going anywhere. Maybe. Someday.?" he asked, hopefully.

"Maybe"

Ryan was on Buffy's mind all night. All through the ride to dinner. All though the food and games at Mr Pizza, and continuing onto the ride home. Everyone had noticed her mood, but left her to herself. They'd learned long ago that it was best for her, (and less painful to them), to let her work out things out on her own.

As Buffy tucked her young son , she noticed the newest prized possession clutched in his hand.

She gently took it from him and looked it over. "Does this..hideously ugly thing, have a name?", she asked holding it up warily with two fingers

"Craglin, keeper of the under dept's." William explained.

"Perfect," she grimaced at it, "Cause every 4 year old boy needs a dept keeper."

"Uh huh." He yawned.

"William, sweetie. Do you like Ryan?" She asked hesitantly.


"Yeah he's cool. I like em."

A beat. Buffy wondered if maybe she should try again. That was, of course until William added... "But I don't want him to live with us...Or be my Daddy."

'Whoa ho ho.' ' Where did this come from?' she thinks,

"William. " she said calmly, " Why would you say that?"

"Ryan thinks too loud" Her son explained "He won't be my new daddy will he?"

"No! .. No, Not if that's not what you want." She said.

"I don't" He said firmly. He looked thoughtful, and hesitated before he spoke.
"Daddy's in heaven with Grandma right mommy?"

"Uhhmm. Right." Not exactly a lie. He could be. He saved the world.. Right?

"And with Mithril's daddy?"

"Uhh Yeah" Okay, lie there. Mithril's real daddy was certainly not in heaven. His destination was probably much..Warmer..

"And they can't come back..Right.?" he asked

"That's right baby" she choke, trying hard to stomp on her emotions, keeping the tears at bay.

"That sucks" He stated.

"Yeah it doe..s".
'Whoa .. Wait ..what?'
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!!"

"I said that sucks.. Really sucks." He pouted.

It was the sadden look on his face that kept her even remotely calmed. That and the feeling that he didn't seemed to realize what he had said.
"William.."she began calmly, "Where did you hear that word from?"

"Aunt Dawn. She says it a lot."

'Dawn. God. She is so dead'. "William, Baby. You can't say that word.. Ummm ... Sucks.. It is not a nice word. Never ever say it again. Okay."

"Okay mommy." He looked at her. He was still so sad. Too sad for such a little boy.

"Some days it still does though, doesn't it?" He asked as his eyes began to tear.

Buffy grabbed him in cuddled him in her arms as he cried for the father that he would never know. 'Oh god'.
How could she ever make this right? How would she explain his father to him? All that he was, and went through...For them? How..How could she look into her son's eyes..Eyes so like his..And explain to her son. How she treated his father? How horrible she had been to him. How would she explain the way that she had both loved...and hated...His daddy?

"Yes it does baby. Some days, It really does suck." She began. "Shh it's okay." "Let it out. Just remember that mommy...And daddy...Love you."More that all the moon and starts in the sky."

Buffy just hoped that, that explanation would be enough. For now.





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